Question for Navy spouses

There was a comment on one of my previous posts from a new Navy spouse who had some questions about relocating (i.e. PCSing).  Her comment:

Hi, my husband is leaving for the Navy in January.  I am excited, but again very nervous and afraid.  I do not know what to expect and have never been away from my husband.  He will be away for six months and when he comes back we will have to move to another state.  I live in Tennessee and do not know what it is like to live in another state.  This is a new thing for us.  I am very nervous and a bit emotional and would like to know how other military wives cope with the new environments and the thought of leaving family, friends, job, etc.

Since my husband is in the Army I am quite "uneducated" on available resources for Navy families.  I know how the Army works, but not the Navy.  So, I am asking the Navy spouses out there to please help this spouse by letting her know about resources that can make her transition to the Navy a bit less stressful.  I can always give my two cents about what it’s like for me to move, etc., but who wants to hear that?!  I think it would be very encouraging for other Navy spouses to offer up experiences, advice, resources, etc. for this Navy spouse (and other new spouses who may read this blog).  Thanks so much!

About the Author

Joan D'Arc

Joan D'Arc has been an Army spouse since 1997. She started her marriage as a geographical bachelorette and experienced her husband's first deployment before their first wedding anniversary. Since then, she has had two beautiful children who amaze her (and frustrate her) every day. Joan fought her way through graduate school and is now a Licensed Social Worker. Joan enjoys volunteering with Soldiers' Angels and giving back to the military community in any way possible. Joan feels very blessed to be an Army spouse and wouldn't trade this life for anything!

68 Comments on "Question for Navy spouses"

  1. Chief'sWife | October 13, 2006 at 9:42 am |

    I too am a realively new Navy Spouse. My husband and I were married June 2005. He was stationed about 3 hours away from where I was living, which was my hometown. I was really well established in the community, and at my teaching job. I was SUPER nervous about about leaving all of that behind to move out of state with my husband this June.
    That being said, I don't regret moving here at all. It has been so good for the two of us to be together full time like this. We adore our families, but we are able to spend time with ourselves. Plus it has been lots easier to keep our exciting "baby" news quiet for longer since they aren't around to witness my fatigue and morning sickness.
    My best suggestion for you is to go out and meet friends of your own. If it means joining a gym or getting a job (depending on your circumstances) do it! I love my husband, but I needed time away from him on my own. Me getting another teaching job that I love was a huge help. I felt that I gained some of my own identity back. I wasn't just the Chief's Wife any more. I was back to being Ms. Teacher

  2. Hi there, I am a Navy Wife. My husband has been in the Navy for a little over three years. He is currently on deployment on the Uss Enterprise, they have been gone since May 2nd. I miss him terribly. Being away from your spouse in the Navy is something that you never get used to, but you will learn to cope with because they are gone a lot. My hubsband and I married 2 weeks before he went off to boot camp in October of 2003, and in that three years we have been apart about 13 months. We now have a 1 year old daughter so she keeps me pretty busy while he is gone, but it is still very hard. I keep myself from getting depressed by reminding myself how proud I am of him and that the job he is doing is so very important. Joining the military is a very selfless act. How many other people are willing to give up so much of their freedom to go and fight for the freedom of everyone else? That thought keeps me strong. I am from a very small town in Alabama and I had never traveled out of the South in my life, so I know what it is like to have to pick up and move far away from friends and family and into a new state where I knew noone. We were first stationed in Pensacola, FL but for only about six months, I loved it there, but I knew it would be temporary. We then moved to Virginia Beach, VA. That was a shock. It is a huge town, and I was totally lost. But believe it or not, you will be amazed at how fast you can adapt to change when you have no choice. I still missed my family terribly, but phone calls, emails, and the occassional visit helped tremendously. We are now stationed at a Marine Corps base in Beaufort, SC. I actually have not been there yet because I came home to AL while my husband is on deployment. But I will be going there at the end of this month. Most everywhere we have been the military community is a great support. You will find yourself making friends with people you would normally never imagine meeting. The sad thing is eventually you will have to leave them as you PCS (Permanent Change of Station) yet again. The plus side of moving is you never get to acquire any junk! haha. That first move will be the hardest, but soon you will be adjusted to life in the Navy. I love being a Navy wife, and although it is sometimes very lonely I know the job our men are out there doing is critical. Just keep in mind that you are proud of him and remind him of that. Boot camp is the most difficult because you will only have a couple of phone calls that last only seconds or maybe a few minutes and no email, but there are the letters. I wrote my husband every day and he says that is what kept him sane. Det's (detachments to other commands or bases for training) are a little better because you will get to talk on the phone and have internet access. Deployments are tough, my husband emails me almost daily, but sometimes the email is down, and we only get phone calls when they are in port because the sailor phone on the ship is always broken. But despite a lot of downfalls, Navy life can be great. There are all of the places you get to see and live that you never would have gone to before, the Navy community is wonderful, they will welcome you with open arms, and there is always a sense of pride when someone asks "What does your husband do for a living?". Remember a Navy Wife has the toughest job in the Navy, but at the end of the day I love it. If you have any specific questions about anything. I will do my best to try and answer them for you or at least help you find someone that can. Being new in such a different world is very scary. Things are always changing on last minutes notice and you always seem lost, but you will make it! Welcome to the Navy family, and let your husband know that we are thankful for his decision to serve. I really hope you enjoy military life. Please email me anytime with anything you may want to know.

  3. Welcome to the Navy family! My husband has been in the Navy for 25 years, although we've only been married for 13 of those. My best advice would be, go into it with the right attitude. I've loved places we've lived and moves we've had, and hated others. On hindsight, the only difference was ME – my attitude!
    When you know where you will be moving, find out about it. Research it on the internet. Talk to people who have been there. Find out what fun things there are to do. Also, just to help you with nostalgic feelings, find out what familiar things are there. Believe me, sometimes just the sight of something simple like McDonalds can make the new place feel less threatening.
    What do you like to do? Find a group to join in your new city. Get to know your neighbors. Go to the spouse get togethers and meet the other spouses at your command. When you establish relationships with new people, they quickly become familiar and can help ease some of those feelings you'll have on leaving everything and everyone you know behind.
    Cherish the new and unique people you'll meet – right now this southern California girl is good friends with another Navy wife who was born and raised in Alabama by deaf parents, and knew her husband all her life! And here are we two completely different people enjoying an awesome friendship here in Hawai'i! Who would've thunk it?

  4. I have been married to my submariner for 14 years now. We have PCSed 7 times and are awaiting orders yet again. The first thing I advise you to do is get in contact with your Ombudsman. Each sea going command in the Navy should have one. They are your link between the command and the Families. Make sure you get on the phone tree,newsletter and access to the Command web site if they have one. She is your information specialist and can answer most any question you may have or at least know how to find it. The Fleet and Family Service Center is another good place for info,most bases have one. They can help you with employment issues,resume writing,job opportunities etc.. They also have a list of Navy related volunteer opportunities. The Navy has a class called Compuss which is geared for new Navy spouses,it will help you figure out what is what,where it is and how to use it. They cover Tricare,dental,Deers,pay issues and much much more. I took this class a long time ago and it really empowered me,knowledge can really take away a lot of fears,and gives you "tools" to tackle the job of being a military spouse.
    When I married my sailor,I left my family,friends,a job that payed better than an E-5,and my Country. We had just settled in to our first home by 3 weeks when he deployed. As its subs,I was not told when he would be home,where he was going,and as it was only 6 weeks we didn't have any communication. We have only had email for the past 9 years or so. We used to get Family grams if the boat was deploying for over 3 months. These were one way from us to our hubby of 35-40 words that were read by strangers. Things have come a long way .We still don't have phone calls unless they pull into port and email doesn't always work,but it is better than it used to be!
    All the best at your new duty station,if you have any questions,feel free to email.Hope you have a smooth move.

    • I appreciate your advice. I am leaving for BCT in January and I plan on getting married next month. I am very nervous leaving my future wife alone for the first time without me around handling all the business. You said that the navy offers a lot of programs to help spouses, but is their anything you can share that you and your husband did to help this process on your own. Also I am going to be doing machinist mate on a submarine and wanted to know what was your husbands longest deployment and the longest time you went without hearing from? Any advice would help.

  5. my fiancee is entering the navy soon, and i was wondering, since you are all navy wives… how long have you been apart due to deployments and do you recommend getting married before or after boot camp?

  6. Thank you all for your posts about being Navy spouses. Although many facets of the military are quite similar, I was unaware of how the Navy supported families and some available resources (like I said, my hubby is Army).
    Lindsey, my husband and I have been married 9 years and he has deployed three times. The longest we were apart was 6 months – he was wounded while in Iraq so he was "sent home" after 5 months, but he was supposed to be gone for a year. The first deployment (or separation) is always a little nerve-wracking.
    From the standpoint of a non-Navy spouse (me), I would suggest getting married before boot camp, but only if you and your fiance are truly ready for that!!! In the Army, spouses receive much better info than (most) fiances do – at least in my experience. Plus, whenever he moves, you get to go with him because you will be his dependent (unless he goes on some kind of unaccompanied tour or deploys, of course). I think you and your fiance should have a heart-to-heart about the marriage decision because only the two of you really know when the time is right. Best of luck to you both!

  7. My Navy husband and I got married almost two years ago. He flew to Michigan from Hawaii four days before the big day. Two days after the wedding he left for a four week underway period. While it certainly wasn't the way I imagined starting my married life, we both knew that the Navy wasn't likely to provide us with the perfect opportunity. And we were so excited to have almost a week together we hardly cared at the time! Even though we were apart we did have email most days, which is something that you'd miss out on if a wedding were followed by boot camp. Even with boot camp though, there will be letters, and hopefully a phone call or two.
    I am yet another spouse who left her home state, family, friends, and a wonderful job to follow my husband. We lived together only two months before his first deployment. It was hard. Still is. But I don't regret it and I wouldn't do it differently. Make a life for yourself in your new home. The Fleet and Family Support Center is a good place to start looking for a new job or volunteer opportunities. Meet your Ombudsman and get involved in the command's Family Support Group. At the same time, don't forget those who were important to you in your last home. Get a good cell phone plan for keeping in touch. Visit when you can, but I wouldn't recommend moving back "home" during deployments. You won't feel like you really belong in your new duty station unless you commit yourself to it.
    It's important to remember that there's never going to be a perfect time for a move, or a wedding, or a baby, so don't let the Navy put the rest of your life on hold.

  8. The fleet and family service center does offer a lot of programs to help wives and husbands adjust to deployment (as well as programs for the children too). But not to be negative, sometimes you cannot rely on military help alone. Sometimes you are at commands with crappy ombudsmens or that don't even care about family involvment. During those times it's important to remember that there are other ways to adjust to moving to a new area or to a deployment. There are local (nonmilitary) book clubs, libraries (some which offer story time for children, so if you have young children it's a good way to met other moms which you know you have something in common with) and other activities that the community may offer. (not all bases have housing so you may live out in town if not). Also home is where the heart is, so even if you have a hard time just remember why you are there. Cuz you love your man and together (and sometimes apart) you have to get through it.
    As for deployment, one thing that always helped was sending cards to my husband. I tried to always send cards, wheither it was a birthday, or Thanksgiving or just a thinking about you card. And I always wrote a personal message in them. When my husband came home from both his deployments overseas, he had a stack of well read cards, which we now have in our keepsake box. He tried to send cards too but mail gets there better than it gets back. Emails help and so do phone calls but sometimes you may not hear from him. But whenever I did get something it was exciting and reminded me of how much I do love him. Care packages are fun to send too. Sometimes you have to get your husband to give you the address though since sometimes you can't rely on the ombudsmen. Our last ombudsmen gave everyone the wrong address and the care packages took forever to get rerouted there. So hopefully you have all the support from the ombuds and the command but if not remember that there is other help out there.


  10. wow! get ready for an adventure! i love being a milspouse and with the right attitude you will too. we've been all over the place together and although my navy man goes on deployments once in a while, the homecomings are awesome. don't sweat the small stuff, FOR REAL!! and just count the days until retirement! LOL. contact me if you want…

  11. My husband is in the navy on the uss abraham lincoln and he is wanting to get out after his time is up in 7 mons. I really don't want him to because I don't think we are ready for the civilian world. We are a young couple with 2 small sons 1 and 5 and we both only have a high school education. He says that if he can get some sensible orders to somewhere other than washington he'll consider reenlisting.Can someone out there please help me find out where to check for reenlistment orders. I can be reached at, or (206)409-3257 this is his 6mon window so I would really love a prompt response. Thanks so much for your help. Alexis

  12. Alexis,
    First he needs to go on the CMS/ID website (I don't have that address handy) it stands for Career Management System / Interactive Detailing. It shows what jobs are available for your husbands rate and pay grade. Have him look at one pay grade lower and one pay grade higher. Example if he is an E5 have him look at E4 thru E6 jobs. Then he should contact his detailer and discuss his options.
    Depending on his rate, his shore duty options may be limited, but always take shore duty before leaving the Navy so you have time to look for a job and get some college. Plus…he can always try recruiting.
    Hope that helps!

  13. Are there any spouses out there that stayed in thier hometown the entire time thier spouses were elisted for a four year period? Or any that are enduring this now? My husband and I have been married for seven years and we have one child. He is starting boot camp in June. I cannot fathom taking our daughter away from all that she has ever known. I figured that my husband would be gone alot anyway and it would do more harm than good, but everyone thinks I'm crazy for thinking this arrangement is possible. What's your take?

    • My husband is leaving for boot camp for the navy in a few months. I am also considering staying behind in our hometown. I have 3 kids and don't feel that they would benefit from the stress of daddy leaving and the stress of moving, followed by the stress of daddy leaving for deployment. I'm hoping that i'm making the right decision.

      • I am in the same situation. With 3 kids and a good job might not be leaving to follow my husband. The hard part is if he is stationed somewhere I will want to be close to him. When he is on a ship…I know it is not possible. I guess I plan to take as much vacation time as possible and hope for the best! I wish everyone luck and no you are not crazy! Have to weigh everything out.

  14. hi my name is kendria im scared my soon to be hubby is going to the navy i have no idea what its like to be a navy wife he will be going to boot camp at the end of this month and i have a 3 year old can someone tall me what its like to rase a chiled being a navy wife. think you

  15. if you would like to Email me and give me a lil more info about being a navy wife my Emeal is Think you

  16. Hi. My boyfriend has just joined the Navy and is leaving for boot Nov. 7th. I understand that there won't be much contact other than letters during this time. I also understand that he will pretty much be sent to Mississippi right after boot for job training. We have started talking about getting married. Actually he started the conversation and for the first time in my life the thought made me feel amazing. He says that he wants to keep me as close to him as possible. I guess I am wondering if it's a good idea? Is there a difference in getting married b-4 boot as compared to waiting till after his training or after he's been in for a little bit? I have so many thoughts runnig thru my head about not being able to see him, for we haven't really spent more than a day apart since we met and it's been 2 years now. Will I ever see him? What, if any, would be beneficial of getting married other than our personal love for eachother? I don't think I can even put all my questions into words. It's just getting closer every day to when he's gonna be leaving and I'm scared for us. Any help would be great ladies thank you!

  17. My story is a little different. I am from Virginia, home of the largest Navy Base in the world. That is where I met my husband, who has been in the Navy for 10 years. We have been together for 5 years, and have 1, 4 year old son, and I am expecting our 2nd in September. I thought I was this tough Navy Wife, being able to hold down the fort while he was deployed. He has been on ships stationed in Virginia for all 5 years we have been together. We just moved to Rota, Spain for his shore duty, and I hate it! I now know how lucky I was to have my friends and family all around me. I had a job, my own friends, my own life. Now everything seems to revolve his Navy career. Not to mention I am in a foreign country. I thought this was going to be such an exciting experience. Everyone I talked to said how beautiful this country is, and how lucky we were to be coming here. Now all I can do is count the days until he can go back to a ship. He isn't happy either. There is no point to his job here. He goes into work at 7:30, and does NOTHING until 4pm. He is disaster preparedness, so if there is no disaster, there is no work. I have heard through the grapevine that after a year of serving shore duty, you can request to go back to sea duty. Does anyone know if this is true? It would give me hope to get out of this place.

  18. ANDREA…… my fiance is going to boot on the 15th and then to mississippi for job training as well…. WAIT TO GET MARRIED!!!! wait till after boot camp…. if you wait, you wont have to get a background check and all that BS and he will get a bigger bonus for getting married than for already being married. We are in the EXACT same position with you as far as everything goes…. e-mail me and we'll talk…. we will both need each other for this wild ride!

  19. Andrea and Shelby….I'm Amber….My boyfriend is currently in bootcamp and is graduating on July 20th :) We have a 2 year old daughter together and will probably get married after hes done with "A" school if all goes well. Him being gone to bootcamp has been easy for me i miss him very much but i write alot(makes things alot easier) Having a daughter also keeps your mind busy. He only gets to write on Sundays and I have only had one phone call from him. Every week I look forward to that letter coming. After he graduates from bootcamp he goes straight to "A" school for 14 weeks then he will get to come home after "A" school for a minimum of 14 days before he gets stationed…if anyone wants to contact me feel free to at

  20. My fiance is enlisting in the Navy. We had planned to marry prior to bootcamp, however he had to have a waiver to be able to enlist because of a criminal record. The recruiter told us it would be best to not get married until after bootcamp to avoid having to get a dependency waiver. However, the recruiter didn't tell us there is no leave between bootcamp and A school. If we elope graduation weekend in Great Lakes immediately following bootcamp but prior to A-school, would he still have to have a waiver?

  21. Jacqueline | July 30, 2007 at 6:40 am |

    My fiance enlisted in the Navy and is leaving for bootcamp on Nov.21st. We've been talking about getting married recently but doesnt want to do it until after he graduates, but we have decided to have a small commitment ceremony before he leaves. This is a completely new experience for me, any general advice??

  22. hi what do i expect now today my hubby got promoted top chief does anyone ever been through it he is in navy

  23. my husband and i been married for two 2 years, he been in the navy for about the same amount of time and the only thing that i hate about the navy life is moving and leaving all the friends you just made. we just moved from florida to hawaii. but a week after we got to hawaii he had to leave, i dont understand why since he's ship is coming in from there 6 month deployment, so he'll only be gone for 2 weeks. me and my husband never been apart for more than 3 weeks except when he went to boot camp. we haven't even been through a 6 month deployment and we won't till 2009 thank god. how you do it, 6 months?

  24. once we get fiance in navy how long will it take fort them to move me.

  25. I am married and my husband is currently in bootcamp, he will only be there a few more weeks but I really wanted to find out if you are allowed to live with you spouse during A school. I am pregnant so I dont kno if that matters either. I cant find any info on it anywhere so I came here since I figured navy wives would know best. Thanks, Ashley

  26. Hi my boyfriend just went in bootcamp on Sept. 5th and we are talking about getting married after A school, but after reading all ya'll comments I'm scared because I never been away from him and now I'm scared that he'll be gone more than he'll be home and I don't know if i can deal with it. I love this man, I have been with him for 3 years. Someone please give me some advice. Should I marry him and try to deal with it as much as i can? or should I move on with life as some people say?

  27. hi my name is vona, i've just gotten married two weeks ago,but it's not him going into the navy it's me. im a little scared but im mostly worried about how he will take it. personally i dont mind being away from my husband for too long. any how how long after boot camp or A-school will it take for him to be moved to where iam? or if any of you can please write at my e-mail

  28. Jennifer Kabanda | October 12, 2007 at 6:32 am |

    hi, my name is jennifer. my husband has been in bootcamp since aug 27th and i have only gotten one phone call from him. letters keep me going. we have a 10 month old son who won't sit still for two seconds! he is graduating next week and i have no idea what is happening next. i don't even know if he has any liberty time. i don't know where he is going to school or how long that will it normal to not know so close to graduation? please write me if you have had a similar situation or have some insight into the situation.

  29. hi, i've been a navy wife for 15 years now. all I can say is you do the best you can when your husband is out to sea. try to be happy and make good use od the time. write him lots of letters and send him packages, take some time to visit family, and learn something new on your own. you'll be ok

  30. If you all have any questions… You should go to!! Ive been a member there for awhile and they are all sooo welcoming.. and help u through everything. Just check it out.

  31. My husband & i are stationed iN san Diego, but he wants us to move to Pa & buy a house. We are trying to figure out if the BAH will be considered at his duty station or where his family lives? What if we have the Navy move us back to his home of records, where will the BAH be determined?
    Please help…~Laura

  32. Hi,I myself wanted to go to college, though my boyfriend for 3 years enilisted in the navy now he is talking about marriage and me being moved to live in the base after all is done with him in A school and whatnot ? I don't know how life is there I don't know any thing about the navy, what the role of a spouse is will i be able to go to college, would i just sit in the home we are a given and play housewife?What will i do while he is off doing what he needs to be doing?

  33. Hey, so I am a Navy husband and I now have a new respect for stay at home moms, how do you keep from going crazy? My wife has been gone for four months now and it seems like forever. I have three boys at home and they keep me pretty busy but during the down time I seem to always let my mind wander and I start to freak myself out. I am usually not like this but for the past couple months she has become more and more busy and I get to talk to her less and less. We still have a little over three months to go but I was wondering if you guys had any ideas on how to make the time pass? I am currently unable to work because my little one is to old to put into daycare. Well thank you guys for letting me vent.

  34. hello everyone i just joined the navy and will be leaving for bootcamp in june. can someone PLS help me i've asked several people and got so many different ans. i'm married with 2 dependents( my husband who's in a wheelchair and our daughter)will i recieve bah,bas while in bootcamp? and how does (efm) extended family member work? after A school what next? also when you recieve your first duty station is it at sea or ashore. i'm sorry for so many ?'s but my recruiters not given me direct ans but incomplete. i'd appreciate all information. thanks in advance

  35. Hi,
    I have been in long distance relationship with a navy man for about 5 months. Tuesday we had very pleasant normal conversation and he said he would have to be "on duty". I'm not sue what that means, but I knew he would be sleeping on the ship. I have not heard from him (by phone or email) in 4 days. Is this typical or has he moved on from me? Could there be a lockdown situation or something and he CAN'T call?

  36. Hi,
    My fiance just graduated from bootcamp this last weekend. We were going to get married but due to all the snow the county clerks office closed early :( We decided that I will go back in May when he should be phase three that way we can get married before he gets his orders. I'm still concerned about his duty and watches that could interfere with this plan. Since IL has a one day waiting period we have to get our marriage licence on a Friday before 7:30PM and be able to get married Sat 9-11 AM or Sun at 9 AM. I'm worried if we don't get married before orders are done he could get overseas orders and I won't matter because I'm not his wife plus have to pay to move to his duty station. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Do orders matter when they know your planning on getting married? If we were to wait until his leave would there be a problem adding me to his orders? Anyone with any insite please email me at

  37. Hello all,
    I've been married to my husband 4 years now, he is in the Navy and we are getting ready for another move to VA Beach. I already moved twice since I got in this Navy routine and it's not always easy. I lived in HI for a year and hated almost the full year, then we moved to San Diego which I love it, so when u move to the right place u can always enjoy. In this 4 years my husband already had 2 huge deployments, one of 8 months and another one of 10 months. All this time I've been raising our 2 year old all by myself. I couldn't help not to see how a lot of military wives whines about moving from a state to another, well if you think you have it hard think again. I am originally from Romania so when I got into all this Navy routine, I left not only my family behind, but everything I ever knew, all friends, my country. Imagine yourself in my position and trying to learn english, american english :))), trying to get use with all the costums, everything was so new for me. The difference between my former country and USA it is huge, almost nothing similar.I had hard time adjusting but I made it and since I got to raise my little man all by myself and without any family or help, I got stronger. Now I enjoy being a Navy wife, I honestly do not want my husband to get out , I want him to make a career out of it. It's going to be harder when our son will go to school and have to change everything but he will adjust as well, I hope I am raising a strong little man. Good luck to all of you out there cause we all need it, but please I beg you stop whining about not having the family next to you. You got married and he is your family now. If you really love each other then you will stay strong and like some1 else was saying a positive attitude always helps a lot

  38. Hello all,
    I am also a Navy wife! We weren't married before he went to bootcamp-only dating! Bootcamp was tough but it is always good to keep yourself busy! I got two calls from bootcamp that only lasted a few minutes!! But I did write EVERY DAY! And like someone else said he could only write on Sundays….so around Wednesday I would usually get a letter and it always made my day!! We got married right after bootcamp during A school in Chicago by a judge (which I NEVER thought I would do)! But it was easier so I would be able to got to his next duty station with him! We have been stationed in VA for 2 years! It is not my favorite place, but its what we were given so I have been making the most of it! We have been lucky so far…he has been on shore duty at the Naval Hospital. However, he just got his new orders to be restationed in Norfolk, va…so he bought a house!! Well now he is going throught FMSS training in NC…I AM still here in VA because he will be back in a week or so! Well we just found out that they may change his orders to NC! I don't know what to do because we just bought a house in VA….because is orders were for VA for the next 3 years!!! This is so tough….I thought I had been doing good being a Navy wife, but I guess I am just now getting into the tough part! I one good thing is that you do meet A LOT of different people! We have made soooo many friends….Navy and civilian…you meet a lot of people…just always remember to keep and open mind…you never know who you could meet and how close you will be come! The crappy thing is leaving those friends…but believe it or not you will probably meet again! I have kept in touch with all our friends even after they leave! It is nice to just call them up and talk!! :) Well if anyone has any suggestions about the whole house thing and can they change your orders after they give you the hard copy permanent orders? This just blows my mind! If anyone has suggestions please let me know! My email is! Thanks!

  39. Rebecca T | May 16, 2008 at 7:07 pm |

    Hello all.
    My husband has joined the Nuc Program in the Navy.
    I am concerned about being able to live with my husband during his time in A-school. Does anyone know the ruling on this? We have two small children, ages 3 and 17 months. I hate to move them, but I also can not fathom keeping them away from their Daddy. I had thought that I would stay here locally during his time in A-school, but then started thinking that I should move, but I am not sure if we can even live with him during A-school or if he is required to live in dormatories. His recruiters do not know the answer, but I would like to know if anyone can give me some more information. Please email me with your advise –

  40. Hi all:
    I am not a Navy wife, however I am in love and a relationship of almost 1 year, my boyfriend now desided to go back to the Navy and even though this is what he wants we are both very hurt. I can't marry him because I am divorced and have joint custody of my 4 year old, otherwise we would of get married, we are thinking of getting engaged and after he retires we'll get married, I am 34 and he is 30, we are both very much in love and try to visit each othe somehow, I know is crazy any feed back?.
    I am also giving up on having a baby and family that means so much to me.

  41. As a soon to be Navy wife I'm curious what to expect. My husband and I have been married nearly 3 years and have a 1 year old son together. He and I just made the decision for him to enlist in the Navy and he will be leaving August 11th. When will we be able to spend time together again? Do they usually get leave after "A" school to help move us where ever we may get stationed? And how often do you get stationed where you want. His job in the Navy will be Master at Arms. What does that mean for me? Also a concern I have is daycare. Dose the military offer this service? I'd love to go to work once we are settled at a base. Do they offer any kind of placement for civilian jobs? Any info would be appreciated! Thank you!

  42. Hey
    My Boyfriend Just went to bootcamp for the navy we are engaged and we plan to get married after A school but like you guys said if i marry him before A school would that make me go with him when he gets his first orders? He has been gone for a week this is the longest we have been apart we have been together for 2 years it I marry him after boot camp will he get a bigger bonus? His job is Master at Arms…will he be gone all the time when we get married…? im so scared i love him very much but this is driving me nuts… i dont know how would i feel if he was gone for 10 months on deployment or 6 or even 3 months I would go crazy!! and when is the best time to have a baby? I want at least 2 and i dont want them to be too apart. I miss him already! please answer my questions!!! : ) im so upset that he is gone and so fustrated that he can only write on sundays!!!! I have not gotten my 1st letter yet and his first phone call was to his mother just to tell that he got there ok. I miss him!!!

  43. MY boyfriend will only get a weekend before A school…if i marry him during A school will i get to go with him on his first orders?

  44. Hey,
    I'm lost on what to expect from the NAvy – i guess i need a timeline of sorts and list of what might happen:First, my husband has yet to go to bootcamp, i understand that is 8 weeks and we wiull hardly get to communicate, but what happens after that. Does he have to go to A school immidiately, how long is A school(firefighting) – do i get to go with him or must i wait until he is done to see him again. When they are Assigned somewhere how long do they usually stay at that assignment, should i move with him. How about working as a Navy wife, is it hard knowing you may be moving again. I guess i'm looking for what to expect in the next couple of years. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Tiff

  45. I posted a few days ago and noticed there were a few after me to post as well. I found a lot of information on the Navy as far as my husband goes and how long he'll be gone. There are a lot of resources on the internet! A great site to visit is
    Good luck ladies. It looks like we're all in the same boat.

  46. Hi everyone, My boyfriend is leaving for NAVY boot camp on SEPT, 2nd and I am a mess. I am proud of him and I love him I am just scared about what to expect. We're young, only 19 and I go to college, so it will be kind of rough for me to see him even when he is home. I know we are staying together, and know I can handle it I am just nervous, and I could really use the encouragement. Thanks, Kayla And feel free to e-mail me,

  47. Hii everyone, my fiance has been in the navy for a year now and we have been together for 2 years. He left our home state, California, and got stationed in Louisiana 8 months ago. I have been trying to visit as much as possible but working a full time job and the price of airfair seems to be getting in the way. He will be stationed out there for another 5 years but he leaves on deployment in 9 months and I am stuck deciding whether to move out to Louisiana before he leaves.
    We plan to get married when he gets back from deployment and I already have made friends out there but I am just afraid about finding a job and finding a good school. If I wait to move out there until he comes back I will have to pay non-resident fees for my schooling and I am going to have to pay for half of everything living wise as well. Is this reasonable? Or should he be paying for most of our living expenses? The reason I ask this is because my best friend is a navy girlfriend and she does not pay for anything and does not have a job or the worries of coming up with money for their living expences. I dont know what is normal? Her not paying or me having to contribute half. I still need to finish college and i find it hard to work full time and go to school full time. I am afraid it will be too much stress on the both of us. What do you guys think? Should I just wait until he gets back from deployment a year and a half from now or just move out there now?

  48. Hi Nicole. Feel free to e-mail me. It'd probably be easier to talk via e-mail than here. but i'd love to help you out if i can.

  49. Hi Nicole and everyone else nervous and scared of what's to come. I've been in the Navy for 4 years now and have been a navy wife for 2 of those years. My advise to you because I know how it feels to be seperated from the one you love. Is to move to Louisiana with your fiance. I say this because the more time you spend away from him the harder it gets for the both of you. And with you being there by his side it will mean more to him than anything, it shows that you will always be there by his side to support him. It's going to be hard for you to relocate and get re-adjusted but it's going to be like that everytime he gets new orders to different bases. As for him being on sea duty expect him to work alot and be away from home for periods at a time. It does get hard, trust me my husband and I are both on sea duty and we are always being deployed at different times. I'd have to say I've been married for 2 years and I've only spent 16 months of those 2 years seperated from my husband. The key thing is comunication, and having a understanding that there maybe times that he can't call you as much as you both would like… But remember to be strong and be prepared for anything. Wheather it's good or bad cause they might say that his deployment is going to only be 6 months long and then half way through it they might make it 7 or 8 months long instead.. The navy is always changing and moving around so Just be strong, understanding and show him that your there for him no matter what… And make sure if you move down there with him make friends and don't become a hermit and just sit around your house while he's on deployment it makes time go by slower than hell… Find a hobby to do with friends it helps big time. And trust me your not the only one going through these problems. But it's worth it… Wishing you the best of luck and your fiance a great journey… ~Christy~

  50. hey everyone,i been searching online for some help with figuring out what's the best move for me. NOW, here my situtation. Im 25 years old my boyfriend is almost going to be 25 also, he's been in the navy since he was 18 and we have been dating for the past two years with a lot of break ups. we had been broken up for about 4 months and he recently came back to me to work things out, but my confusion comes in at this point because i was gettin used to the idea that it was over, and he is almost set to move to be stationed in hawaii by this october i when he started contactin me again he broke it down to me that he wants me in his life and wants me back and wants me to move to hawaii with him. well it was a shock, and so i told him i could not move with him because it was so much to think about and work out on such short notice.its like we would have to work out our relationship,plan the move,plan everything else that needs planning,(all within 3 months).. also i thought to myself it wasnt such a smart thing to do without being engaged or anything, i mean .. most of the posts i read everyone is either already engaged or married. am i doing the right thing? or am i going to let him slip away and he might just get over me while hes out there and meet someone else since i didnt want to move when he's askin me to??// please some advice.. sooo confused on how to handle this situation…

  51. After they serve their four years, what happens next? Are they free to just rid the military and live a normal life?

  52. I'm a fairly new navy wife as well. Does anyone knows when my husband can send for me after bootcamp? he said he may go straight to A school but than he would able to send for me. idk

  53. I got a question?
    My boyfriend Ben hes 18 & hes in the Navy do you think you can try to help me out when he might be back??
    message me at
    please & thank you !

  54. I need alot of advice. I am 21 years old. My boyfriend of about a year is trying to get into the navy. I have a 3 year old with someone else, and we have a 3 month old together. If I am not able to go with him because of my first daughter how much will I get to see him? We are scared because we enjoy being together and were talking about marriage, but how are we supposed to have a life together if we are never able to actually be together? Please give me some advice.

  55. hi im not a navy wife yet but i will be soon but my boyfriend left for boot camp 5 weeks ago and he graduates march 20th i was just wondering if you could tell me if they have a family day the day before graduation so i can know what day i need to go up there because if they do or if i can see him i was going to go that Wednesday but if not then Thursday that would help me out a lot if you could tell me because i can't find out from anywhere else thank you.

  56. Hi gang…
    Same old questions, I'm sure, but could use the answers. The better half is planning to re-enlist, which I think is fantastic. He's suddenly developed a case of "boot camp fever" though, and is freaking out about getting married- thinks we should do it at the JP and NOW NOW NOW…instead of being engaged and enjoying a nice wedding with family and friends to celebrate with us. Since we're both adults (oh jeez, I'm about to be 31), I'm pretty sure we can handle the distance for a little while until we figure out who goes where. I'm capable of having a job and an apartment if we are only engaged and thereby inelegible for spousal housing- but he's worried he would hardly see me either way. Also, I'd have to move my show horse- which will be expensive and scarier than moving myself to a new place!
    Is it really better to be already hitched when you head back in, or can we do things in a more "normal" way? I'd like to build a solid foundation for a marriage, not just rush into it all because he's getting worried about being apart for a while. Also, how difficult is it to get married once he's back in? Seems like people do it all the time…
    Are these questions recruiters could answer? Maybe you girls could help me out. Thanks!
    ~wanna marry my corpsman
    (who will stay blueside, this time, just for me)

  57. Hello, My name is Kali. My fiance is currently working on getting into an officer training program with the Navy. We plan to get married sometime in the next two years, all depending on what he has to do. I'm not worried so much about the moving. My main question involves my son. I have primary custody of him but I'm worried that I won't be able to move with my finace (husband by that time) when he's stationed somewhere because of my ex and the courts. Does anyone have any insight on how this could work?
    Thank You!!

  58. Hi, I've read all of your comments and you ladies seem to be more helpful than friends I have asked who have actually married into the Navy! Me and my boyfriend have only been together for 6months and he is leaving for bootcamp September 16 and I would love to be engaged before he leaves. After bootcamp he is going to A school and then C school. We talk about being engaged, but we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I am constantly stressing over him leaving for bootcamp and his schooling. I keep thinking of saying the "goodbye" instead of enjoying my time with him. I am so sensitive. I really need someone to talk to about this and I know someone out there has an open heart and good advice. Please contact me at and help calm me down. Thank you so so much! =)

  59. Hi, my boyfriend is also going to be joining the Navy, we plan to get married but not until I finish college, I would just like to know what to expect if you could please contact me at thanks!

  60. Welcome to the Navy!
    I know exactly how you feel about being a new Navy wife. I am only about four or five years in..i forget…and am learning so much everyday. My husbands career makes life very strenuous with back to back deployments..and scary because of what he does. Just know that there is so much information out there, and people are genuinely there to help. I would stop by the fleet and family service office on base, and just hang out and pick up brochures. Hanging out here at spousebuzz is nice, but sometimes you need human contact. Consider attending an FRG (family readiness group) meeting (if your command has one) and go to a few functions. This is how i met my group of friends and it has been great. our FRG has a website and it has a lot of basic navy information. ask to see if your command FRG has a newsletter or other resource. even if you dont want to volunteer, you can still meet people that are in your shoes.

  61. Hi. My boyfriend and I are both 19. I go to Penn State (a sophomore) and he leaves for Navy Boot Camp in a few months. We have been together for 5 years and love each other very much. This past year when i left for school we were 4 hours apart and had a tough time. we worked through our issues but we had some big ones and trusts were broken (nothing as serious as cheating just some lies that he got caught in…mostly little stuff but lies that hurt me nonetheless). we have done a lot to mend our relationship this summer but were no where near 100% yet. Well I leave for college again in 3 weeks so again, 4 hours away… Now on top of all of this he is leaving soon and Ive heard how little contact we get… although he told me he could write me everyday suddenly im reading its once a week and now im freaking out even more… Im scared. I have never not been without him. Im actually not just scared… im absolutely freaking out. I was wondering if u had any stories, advice, anything. Thanks. Kris

  62. Ok so i have a few questions i am like many of you a new navy wife, my husband and i were best friends in high school and got married 1 1/2 weeks before he shipped out for boot camp and then we had 3 days together before he left for A school. While he was in Boot we were told that his schooling in Florida would only be 3 months, then once he got down there he found out that it is now 6 months. i need help getting in contact with someone about moving and getting housing down there for us because we dont want to spend almost the first whole year of our marriage apart. Please help.

  63. hi Amber, my name is Katrina. My bf is going to Navy. He started his bootcamp in Great Lake today, i just got the last phone call from him. They said he will get to A school in Texas after bootcamp. I'm wondering what happen after bootcamp, can i see him? can he come home? We are in Chicago. Also when he is in A School, can he call daily? Can he video chat with me? Can i visit him? I will graduate college in May so i need to focus on my career. I realli miss him. I do wondering what am i getting myself into! But i love him. Also after A school, can he request to send back chicago for job ? He is in medical field. They said he will get to officer after bootcamp because he has his master degree in biology. He asked me to get marry after bootcamp n texas A school. I want to but i cant move around, i want to have a job n a career also. Is it possible to request station in chicago?

  64. Dboro Thomas | November 11, 2012 at 4:27 pm |

    hi i never beeen too the navy before this my first time so i want to now whats its like beimg in the navy

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