Girlfriends, Boyfriends – This Post is For You

welcome home - smooch

Got an email from Maureen, the girlfriend of a deployed soldier.

I’m not a military wife, just a girlfriend, but I’ve enjoyed reading the posts and wonder if there is any place for me, here or elsewhere, to get and give support. This is my first deployment situation, bf is special forces in Afghanistan, and it has been sooo much harder than I anticipated. I would appreciate any help you can give me. Thank you.

Maureen – this is the place for you. Yes, this is SpouseBUZZ, but hey – “significant others” need support too. All of you significant others, this is your thread. Let us know who you are. Talk amongst yourselves. Tell us how we spouses can help you. Have at it….

About the Author


Andi is married to an active-duty soldier and is the founder and former editor of SpouseBUZZ.

She is the founder of the Annual MilBlog Conference. The MilBlog Conference is the premiere event of the year for military bloggers. President George W. Bush, U.S. Representative Adam Smith, GEN David Petraeus, LTG Mike Oates, LTG William Caldwell, RADM Mark Fox, MG Kevin Bergner, MG David Hogg and The Honorable Pete Geren have addressed previous conferences.

While living in Washington, DC, Andi was the Ambassador to Walter Reed Army Medical Center for Sew Much Comfort, a non-profit organization which makes and delivers, free of charge, special adaptive clothing for wounded service members. Andi has worked with several non-profits to help our wounded heroes and their families. She finds that work to be the most rewarding and meaningful of all.

Andi strives to find humor in the good, bad and ugly of life and is a firm believer that laughter has the ability to cure most ills.

257 Comments on "Girlfriends, Boyfriends – This Post is For You"

  1. This question is so directed to me! I was also "JUST" a girlfriend….never say "just", my boyfriend told me that having me as a girlfriend made his deployment so much easier than the previous deployment when he had no girlfriend, and no one constantly thinking and caring about him. My advice is to to read a lot of blogs and forums such as Spousebuzz. As girlfriends we have a lot in common with anyone who has a deployed loved one, be it a mother, brother, aunt, cousin or boyfriend. We care and worry, and yes, we aren't as much in the loop "officially", so sometimes it is nice to find someone who can commiserate on that level. However, you can get a lot of advice and support from spouses and mothers of deployed soldiers, to name just a few. Also, if you haven't already, you might want to get in contact with the unit's FRG, so that you may also communicate with other spouses of soldiers deployed with your bf's unit. However, I have to say I found a lot more support online than from the FRG. Good luck, and once again…you are not JUST a girlfriend, and I am sure your boyfriend would be the first to agree with me.

  2. JUST is not a word we use in this family, the military family. I'm an old warhorse, and I'm still learning after 20+ years of this life. so ask a LOT of questions, don't forget, there is NO stupid question. If we can help, yell. and get a book. A good one is Married to the Military. (don't worry about the pink camo, it's a great book) the listing of acronyms alone is useful!
    good luck, and drop in a lot.

  3. I just read this post about military girlfriends. I am also new to this, as my boyfriend is now navy reserve after serving 13 years active duty. Deployment is not out of the question in the next 2 years. Actually he was to be deployed last year, but had surgery and was not medically cleared until March. So, I am glad to know that this site is here if I need it. I still cry everytime I read or hear something about the military. I dont know how everyone keeps it together.

    • JustanotherGF | June 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm |

      Ditto. My boyfriend is coming home July 3rd!! I cry just thinking about how patriotic this holiday will be for both of us. I cry at songs, homecoming videos, when I watch the news… I soak it all up like some crazy person who loves to torture herself with things that make me cry. LOL I'm also a GF and relatively new to things. He's still in training and it's been a BIG transition for both of us. Glad to know that there are others like me out there who don't know where to look.

  4. I am also a military girlfriend. My soldier and I have been friends since we were kids and have been serious for 2 years (planning a wedding for…someday after deployment). We are going through our second deployment and it hasn't been easy. He's only been gone for a week and the next 12-18 months look insurmountable right now. I don't consider myself "just" anything and you shouldn't either. It's hard work loving our men in uniform. My advice is to talk to people who know what you're going through. There's a LOT to learn about our situation, everything from taking care of yourself to supporting your man to the special stresses that come with homecoming… Hang in there. Somehow we all get through it.

  5. I am so thankful this was posted! I am also a "girlfriend"…My baby leaves in just a few days. Its our first deployment. I have never been so afraid of anything in my whole life. I can't even look at him without breaking down in complete hysterics. He was gone for a week several weeks ago and I thought I was going to just die. I can't even begin to fathom how horrifying the next year is going to be. I can't sleep, and I feel like I can barely breathe, AND HE HASN'T EVEN LEFT YET!…

  6. Hi all, I'm also NOT just a girlfriend. :)
    My boyfriend and his infantry battalion are about 2 months into their deployment – he's a Marine.
    What I personally struggle with as a GF – and not a spouse – is how to figure out what my role is in my BF's life. There were lots of posts a month or two back about preparing for deployment, but many of them were about preparing the household, or legal matters. As you all know, there's nothing "legal" we can do for our guys. Very frustrating!
    Now that the deployment has begun, I found a new issue – communication. It's not that it doesn't happen enough, it's that my guy communicates with me more than he does with his family. I know his mom says it doesn't bother her, but I'm not buying that one. Does anyone else find themself in a strange position – where your role is very close to that of a spouse, but you run into trouble because it's not "official"? In my mind, if I were a wife, this communication thing would be expected, and accepted, by his family.
    And there must be more than 6 significant others out there – let's get posting! I would love to meet you all. :)

  7. Agree with loquita – there has to be more than six of you out there….
    Also agree that the word "just" doesn't apply.

  8. Hello! I'm the girlfriend of a Navy Submariner. He is based in Georgia, and I am finishing college in Indiana, so it's hard to find people to talk to who can understand what I'm going through. I love being able to read the posts on this site because I can relate to so many things, even though I am not a wife. Thank you all for your support!

  9. Loquita-when my son was deployed, he would call his girlfriend and not me… and yeah, I did resent it at first. But we reached an agreement, she would email or call and let me know that he was ok. I would do that for her when he called me. So ask his parents how you guys can work it out. remember, to her this is her baby, the one she changed the diaper of, the one whose scrapes she kissed better, and who is part of her heart and soul. I hope she can also understand that he is the other half of you.
    Wondering… is there a place that has for parents?? I wish I had had someone to communicate with, who would have been able to understand.

  10. Hello! I'm the lucky girl dating my AF boyfriend, who is stationed at Ramstein AFB in Germany. We've been on and off for two years, and met while he was home on mid-tour from Korea. This website has been SUCH a blessing to me. We're in a transitional phase, as I'm expecting a proposal very shortly but until then we're still officially just dating. I'm very lucky that I'm close to his family.
    We're dealing with his assignment overseas and the distance that comes with it, as well as the upcoming forceshaping the AF is doing. So where he goes is uncertain at best. At the moment, there is nothing that spousebuzz and the community can do other than keep on doing what you've all been doing. It's so nice to be able to read and see that it's okay to go a little stir crazy sometimes, or to get frustrated with the time zones, or not knowing certain information.
    I was just visiting him in Germany over Christmas, but now that I'm three days out from when he has stateside leave, I find I'm beside myself with anxiety. What gives?

  11. Loquita, I know what you mean about figuring out your role in your bf's life. That's what I've been trying to figure out still. Sad situations kept us from getting married while he was stateside. And legally, the fact that we wanted to get married means nothing and we are still in limbo. The worst part of this is that I'm not really very close to his family. I can't wait for this deployment to end so we can FINALLY get married. This wedding's only been 10 years in the making…no big deal. haha
    I am also trying to figure out what to say to his mother when I call her tomorrow. I don't want to make her feel bad by saying, "Oh yeah, he's doing well. I've talked to him a few times this week…" But I know she would want to know some of the information he's shared with me. It's pretty sticky. I don't need any extra stress these days. Any ideas?

  12. Hi all! I was a girlfriend during a deployment, am now a fiancee, and will be a wife shortly before he deploys again.
    Loquita, I second what LAW said – work out a way of communicating, some sort of expectation and understanding. I ran into the resentment from his sister moreso than his mother, but it's there from both, I think. It's totally understandable from their end, and I had to remind myself of that on occasion. I tried to forward emails and let them know I heard from him, but I found myself walking a very delicate line. Do I potentially create more resentment by letting them know I get an email every couple of days and they don't? Thankfully he kept a blog, so he would often update just when I was about to let them know I'd heard from him, letting me 'off the hook' for that particular time. It's really hard to be in your shoes. I think honesty is the key in this case – talk to his family, work out a system, and use your best judgement.
    I think this is true in the case of a wife as well … there's a line to walk. I'm not looking forward to dealing with that particular part of deployment again. This time I'll be in a different 'category' but I don't think the line will be any less difficult to tip toe on.
    The not knowing was hardest for me while he was deployed. I didn't get any KV information (key volunteer is sort of the equivalent to FRG for the USMC), unit newsletters, etc. So, I got as involved as I could and joined a USMC family support forum. There was a general wife/fiancee/girlfriend forum, as well as one for his specific unit. I befriended a mother of a Marine in his unit, which was a great comfort. We let the other know when we heard from our guys, and just generally understood each other. I also joined an online military spouse forum and the benefit there has been invaluable. Even though I am not technically a spouse, these women know how I feel, what I fear, etc. and they opened their arms to me without hesitation. Don't be afraid to seek out support from those who have been there, done that.
    TLChase – the anticipation is the hardest for me. It was absolutely terrible for my first deployment as a girlfriend when I didn't know what to expect. I still can't decide whether it's easier now having been through one, or harder since I do know what to expect. What got me through that time before he left was making memories. I took so many pictures he started to roll his eyes at me, but those sustained me and made me smile when I missed him most. I focused on making sure we were clear on our relationship, our expectations, and [usually] didn't hide my fear from him. Bless his heart, I don't think he knew how to take my tears, but he saw how much I cared and on some level I think that helped us survive as a couple. Communicate and try to enjoy as much as you can now. Then get through the days one at a time (or an hour at a time), as best you can. The time will pass. It always does. Sometimes it seems like it's at a snail pace, but it still passes.
    Above all, try to keep your focus on the positive. Allow yourself those freak out moments, but when you get it out of your system, pick up and move on to something productive.
    I'm babbling now, but it's good to hear from the 'other side' now and again! Thanks for the opportunity, Andi!

  13. Caitie – What I did was just omit how often I heard from him … "Hey, I heard from him this week, this is what he said" was usually my tactic. (See above about the fine line – I feel your pain!) It's so hard to be in that position sometimes. WE know they don't love their families any less, but as a 'significant other' we are often more of a priority to contact because we foster a different sort of relationship, of closeness, and this can be understandably hard for immediate family to comprehend.

  14. I'm so glad to hear from some significant others!
    I've felt like a fish out of water — dealing with the same problems as a spouse would, but with only half a toolbox, since I'm persona non grata to the Army.
    I've found online communities (SpouseBuzz included) that are very welcoming, but that hasn't always been the case in the real world — at my sweetheart's age (and I'm even older!), most people are married with kids, and many can't (or won't) find anything in common with "just" a girlfriend.
    Living in a military community this way can be hard, especially if the town's so small that all the amenities (decent shopping, recreation, gym, etc.) are on post. I don't have any easy answers on how to make it better — I don't see the Army changing its attitude toward SOs anytime soon, so I'm working on changing *my* attitude. I'm trying to see this as an adventure and test of my creativity. And if anyone else has any advice, I'm all ears. :-)

  15. When I was a girlfriend, our command was in favor of adding gf's to the phone tree. I realize this isn't always possible, but it was a great way to get information while he was at sea and meet other wives/girlfriends. Later on as a wife, I had girlfriends and wives who lived out of town mailing me letters….I would then take them down to the off-crew building so their bf / husbands would get mail at the next maildrop. Also, don't be afraid to get involved when an opportunity opens. Hope that helps.

  16. Thanks to all of you significant others for sharing your stories and letting us know who you are. It's been interesting to read your comments and I hope each of you feel right at home here at SpouseBUZZ.

  17. this is really helpful. I have an AF son "out of country" for 4 months, and a son-in-law in Army,eids, "out-of-country" for next 18 mnths. trying to get both wives to, they think it's for a bunch of old retired guys rehashing the past. I don't know enough about computers to get them straight here to see how great it is! any suggestions i can try to email to them. they don't know what they're missing!! Thanks

  18. Stephanie | March 2, 2007 at 4:30 pm |

    My boyfriend, a 6 year army man and Iraq veteran once already left just two days ago… We have been dating for less than a year and I am worried about all of the same things that you all are. This is my first deployment and I spent these last two days crying and feeling bad for myself, but that is not what my boyfriend would want. I didn't expect to hear from him so soon but he has already called twice :). The first call I started with the usual crying and regretted it. I thought I ruined our first call and now he is going to be worried about me and not worried about what he has to do. The second call I had things to say and made him feel better about the first call. I just want him to keep his mind on his job and not worry about how I am doing. We all know they love us and we don't need to be upset when they call. I expected to be a wreck for weeks, but you need to think about them, not you. I am so happy that I am with him and can send him things and make his day better when he does call. I remember all of the good times and I am sure that he does as well. I am glad that I ran across all of you military girlfriends because I know the feeling of "I don't know anyone who is going through what I am going through." Well, now we do and helping each other through will help our BFs as well!
    By the way, I cracked him up by telling him about a t-shirt I bought off… It reads "This area is secured by a US soldier." I think he was a little embarassed. Check out the site, it has some great t-shirts and clothes.

  19. Stephanie H | March 2, 2007 at 4:37 pm |

    I just noticed there is another Stephanie posting so I will add my last initial so we all don't get confused…
    3/2/07 posting by Stephanie H

  20. I'm so glad I found this post – I knew I wasn't the only one going through this and now I know where to find you. Like many of you, I've had my moments where I just want to lose it and cry, especially whenever I hear "Come Home Soon" by the Dixie Chicks. But then I pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself because I know he wouldn't want me moping around – that would only make it harder for him and he needs to concentrate on his job, not worry about me.
    We've been together for 4 1/2 years now, and been trying to get married the last two. We actually had a wedding planned, invitations sent, the whole bit. Three days before our wedding he was deployed for a critical fill assigment and we haven't been able to reschedule anything since. I'm just hoping it doesn't take 10 years.
    The one thing I have learned throughout all this is to be patient because everything is a waiting game – when he can take leave to come home for a few days (he hasn't been back since June 06), where his next billet will be…even when he can call me. What keeps me going is that he's only 3 years away from retirement.
    The hardest part is knowing that if something does happen to him, and yes, even though he's a Coastie he runs that risk every boarding, I may or may not get a phone call because I'm not next of kin. The best he could do is leave an envelope with his Senior Chief with instructions to contact me.
    Thanks, all, for giving me a little bit of your strength.

  21. I, too, am an army girlfriend. My boyfriend, a special forces soldier in the army, just deployed for Afghanistan. It's amazing the different emotions I have felt since he left. Unfortunately I live in a city that isn't considered a 'military town'. I feel sad and alone and don't know personally know anyone in my situation. I wish there was more support for army girlfriends. It's not an easy time, but I wouldn't trade my man for anything. I'm glad I found this website. We ladies need to stick together!

  22. I'm an army girlfriend too and my boyfriend has been deployed to Kosovo for awhile now. Hes supposed to come for a break in August and I think I can make it. Well, I thought I could. I haven't talked to him in over a month and I have no idea what to do. All these "what ifs" are running through my head. I know how much the army changes people and I'm not sure what to do. If anyone has any insight I'd love to hear about it. Things are getting tougher as the deployment goes on and in less than a month it'll be our one year, but I don't want to have to celebrate it alone. Any words of encouragement would be really helpful. Thanks guys :)

  23. I am a girlfriend of almost a year going through my first boyfriend's first deployment since we've been dating. He's been gone for 3 weeks now, and I finally decided to reach out tonight and try and find people to talk to. I had all of these things planned I would take care of while he was gone. The increased exercising for one has gone out the window already with the amount of comfort food I've been downing. I feel like I'm going through a break-up. I come from a military family and work in a military environment so I feel like I *know* the way I *should* be behaving and supporting him, but I don't think I'm doing a great job. I don't want to burden him with my rough days at work or the nights I've cried myself to sleep. But is not sharing just as worse? I don't want him to feel as though I'm not sharing with him. Being a girlfriend has been hard. I moved my things out of his condo because now I'm going back to living in my own condo while he's gone. I keep thinking maybe it would be easier if he'd left *our* life, instead of feeling like we were going our separate ways as I packed me things out of his home. I'm sure it isn't really though.

    • I relate to you on the feeling. It feels like a break up and i'm so tempted every day to ask. i know thats bad so i dont ask. i write a letter to him and never send it. Then i shred it so that i dont put any negative energy out in the relationship. actually i have 4 to shred right now. I wrote down all of my feelings and why i feel that way, and how i miss him and want to die sometimes, etc. then i get rid of it because when we DO GET to talk, the negative feelings and sadness and thoughts that maybe he is trying to break up with me, goes away. I start picking out wedding dresses, as silly as that sounds. We always DID talk about getting married on the white sand beaches.

  24. kk- my boyfriend is about to be deployed to kosovo and i just have a couple questions about that specific location, you said you haven't heard from him in a month.. i heard that communication was really good there.. but maybe i heard wrong… do you know how dangerous the work is there or anything like that? people all say it's better than iraq and it's peace keeping but what does that mean? i also hope you hear from him soon and you can for sure make it. I also think you should celebrate your one year anniversary.. go out to a resteraunt by yourself if your comfortable, or bring a close friend and eat a meal that you love.. then give a toast and tell him you love him.. it will make you feel like the day didn't go unnoticed and i'm sure your soldier would want you to have that celebration even if he can't be there. hope that helps and thanks for any info you can give

  25. My boyfriend is curently deployed to Afghanistan and has been gone almost two months. I am currently going through many changes, in mylife including family deaths and sickness. Dealing with the deployment has been harder then I expected. We have only been together a short time but friends much longer. I talk to him far to much, which makes it hard. Is there anything I can say to him to try and stop the pain of talking to him? I know I am one of the lucky ones, to talk to him regularly, but it does not make it any easier. I just dont know sometimes I am so afraid to screw things up and hurt him. Any advice send it my way. Thanks for all your posts, they really do help.

  26. I know how you feel. My boyfriend just got to Afghanistan. It's a lot harder than people expect. You know and because we don't have the title wife people usually forget about us. It's like we don't matter we have no say. Which really hurt's because we are the one laying in bed alone everynight wondering when they will be home. I haven't slept since he has left because I am so worried. It really hurt's my felling when people say oh well your just a girlfriend not a spouse. We are the last to know everything and anything. I know how you feel. I grew up in a military family and you would think I would have learned by now. But god is watching over all of our guys… God bless …

  27. 82dairbornegrl786 | April 5, 2007 at 8:51 am |

    Hey, I am not "just" a military girlfriend. We are all considered our soldiers other half no matter what label we might have. We are all going through the same things especially emotions. I come from a HUGE military fam including both my parents who are veterans. I agree with calivalleygirl, my boyfriend loves the fact he has someone here who adores him and thinks about him 24/7. It deff makes it so much easier for them and the more they think about you, the quicker time goes by for them. Unfortunatly I have been going through the hardest point in my life. My brother was deployed to Iraq and was there for 3 weeks and has recently been seriously injured. He has a serious brain injury. He is in a coma and its the hardest thing to experience. My boyfriend was deployed 3 months ago. They are really good buddies. They are both in the same unit in the 82d airborne/ ARMY and went through everything together since they trained in PT! I guess I could call my self a very strong person because I am here for my brother physically and for my boyfriend emotionally and mentally. He is supposed to come home in August and I can't wait! I am so excited. I met him through my brother and it actually wasnt planned in any way. Its kind of funny because we both didnt want a relationship and when we met we just fell in love. Its soo unique to me but he is just amazing. I know that he will be ok and so will my brother. Its been 3 weeks since he was injured and still considered critical. He is not awake but we pray. My boyfriend found out in Iraq and called me as soon as he did. He was devestated on the phone and I felt horrible. Im sitting in a hospital room with my brother fighting for his life and at the same time Im on the phone with his really good buddy also my boyfriend the love of my life. It deff has not been easy!!! I have to say I am lucky becuase his family adores me and already considers possibilities of me being their sons future. I have to say we are all blessed in different ways and being involved with a soldier is the best thing that could have ever happend to me. Our men are just AMazing!!! I could go on forever about everything but I do believe this is where I am supposed to be and it is all deff going to be worth it in the end. Hang in there ladies! It deff is a waiting game and you need to be tough for your man becuase they feed off of your positivity! xoxoxoxo

  28. Hi to all "JUST" girlfriends, I was happy to read your emails…cuz I can empathasize. I feel lost and in a weird place. 1 month prior to my man getting deployed he started texting me everyday to come and see him before he deployed to Iraq (we dated 10 years ago-hadn't seen each other in 6 years) so he convinced me to see him 3 days prior (he is one of the loves of my life, and I didnt want any regrets)…and I did for 6 hours-that is all we got!! It was like we never left each other and saw each other yesterday….now I have been his lifeline and support-emails everyday, weekly carepackages etc…I am just frustrated cuz I just wish we had more time together before he left so I felt more secure with where I stand. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place…he says he's finally ready to settle down and I am one he could see himself with-we are getting to know each other again….but what do I do? Not date anymore (feel guilty) or just go about my life and see what happens when he gets back?? So confused being in such a gray area…….

  29. PS. By the way, I love this man, want this to work with us, just fearful that after all this time because we just got reunited that he is going to come back and things just don't happen….do you guys have any tips to keep solidifying the relationship while he is gone since I am so new to this whole thing?!! Thanks for any input, it is so appreciated!!

  30. So, its a great day. I just found out this morning my bf is extended, I have not gotten to speak to him since I found out, through email. Why does this happen, i dont know what to think. I cant even start counting down a year yet, 15 months 2 down, 13 more to go, I thought we had actually made a dent…yea i was wrong, his r&r is realy to, just around the 5 month mark…I mean come on does this ever get any better? if it is not a fight it is, something else…just had to vent, and did not know anywhere else to vent to…

  31. This was really nice to find this site. I am also a girlfriend and made it through the Iraq deployment and now in Greenland for a year. He left a week
    ago. I am a very strong woman but felt I had the wind knocked out of me. Glad to know I am not alone and having normal feelings. Being the girlfriend can be rough because there are definately no military privledges but we decided we did not want to get married for the wrong reasons and if we choose to get married it will be on our terms. Unfortunately wives can visit but girlfriends can't. Not fair, but then again life is not fair. Something I have realized is that these are men of honor serving our country and as long as Uncle Sam is paying their salary, their first committment has to be to our Country and second to us. I am just very proud to be able to stand by the person that can make this strong committment to his country. Stephanie H, we are in the same boat, 2 years from retirement. From all the post I have just read we all are in agreement that:
    This is tough
    They do have to focus on what they are doing.
    Happy faces must be worn
    They do Love Us
    We will be here when they return!!
    Hang in there Ladies.

  32. Jazzys venting in ca | April 18, 2007 at 12:58 pm |

    Dear Military Girlfriends,
    I am new here hello. My friend of one year and boyfriend of 5 months is expecting to be deployed for the next 18 months. Its been so hard just thinking about where we go from here. He has a 2 year old son from a previous reletionship that I am growing attached to and will be staying with my boyfriends mother, in a town 3 hours away in a place I have never been before; he will be away from me for the next 18 months. I am a stranger to his family only because I just got out of a serious 5 year reletionship one year ago…my soldier has been there for me every moment of my heartache and has mended my heart.altogether, it has just gotten serious and i wanted to meet his family when i am more comfortable with getting to know his son and spending time with him…(dont know if that makes sense)in a nutshell i am just getting over being extremely close to my last x's family… slowing he is discussing leaving now, and wanting to one day be married and have a home together and me be the mother to his son….For the next 18 months i will be completely alone…without him or his son. What scares me the most is he will probably keep in touch with his family more then me. Which is understandable but him and his son have become my new family, i come from nowhere no family and found that in them 2. He wants me to handle his accts and money and with his family not knowing me personally i believe this may cause conflict…? I have no clue what to do…should i stay by his side as a friend or as his future wife he is all i care about, How does this work gals? can he call me? can we write? can we email? i have no clue i hate to discuss this stuff with him direction PLEASE! he only has 18 months left in the military to be done…he has decided not to reenlist what does this mean? will he still be called…? Its just so hard to ask him all these things because, he wanders off into someting else….thanksss all

  33. Jazzy, That is a positive if he asked you to handle his affairs. Just respect what he ask and stay by his side.
    I was able to receive email and phone calls from Iraq and also Greenland. The frequency depends on his job.
    Don't second guess yourself and just follow your heart.

  34. Jazzy,
    I can totally understand your uncertainty and where u stand and what to do….I am in the same boat. My guy and I dated 10 years ago and 2 months prior to his deployment he insisted everyday to see me before he left…and I finally did 3 days prior….it is very confusing….As a woman with some excellant advice from this site said to me…just be there for him, write alot and just be there for him…just love him and let him know u are there….you will get ur answers!! Me, I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him, but we were emailing everyday…with all the chaos that has been going on…haven't heard much from him in the last few days…which is hard…but i just keep sending emails and packages….make it fun for yourself…that is what is helping me….being creative with your carepackages…knowing I am going to make my man smile during a tough time…Hey I have an idea…lets brainstorm some fun creative ideas for carepackages, besides the usual stuff….that will make them laugh, think we are crazy, but they love cuz we did it for them!! Put out any ideas you have…I know, it makes u feel good doing something for them….

  35. The thing the got the most attention going to Iraq believe it or not was different types of coffee. Also NURF toys to relieve Stress. Just a couple of ideas!

  36. great ideas…I sent a nurf football…I will have to remember that in regards to the coffee. I also just found one of those 1 cup of coffee filters that u put on top of ur coffee mug…thought that was a good idea as well…I heard another idea that the guys love is sending them ur pillowcase with ur scent on it. Each night go to bed with ur hair a bit damp and then ziplock it….a little piece of u…

  37. You are so correct. Anything you can send your perfume on is great. I used to send a card every week to count down and would spray it with perfume!!

  38. Jazzys venting in ca | April 19, 2007 at 5:45 am |

    Thank you ladies, your compassion has actually calmed me a bit more. I just cant stop thinking about how we wont even be under the same sky…..kiki I would love that idea to brainstorm carepackages. I think that is going to be a fun thing for me to keep my mind occupied, I love to create things for my boy…he is always so appreciative of it……thank you. K.i.t….-Jazzy

  39. Jazzy, a bit of advice from someone who handled much of her boyfriend's finances for the year he was in Iraq: If he's going to have you do anything major, get a specific power of attorney (a general power of attorney might not cut it).
    If something comes up while he's gone, the JAG can draw up the paperwork for him and he can e-mail you a .pdf.
    On a more general note to all you girlfriends: Hang in there! Not having acknowledgement from the military can make things harder, but it doesn't make things impossible. You can do this.

  40. Jazzys venting in ca | April 19, 2007 at 8:52 am |

    tHANKS bETTE! that is great advice, i think we have came to an agreement now, that i wont be handling anything major just saving the funds would it still be safe to go that route? ( get a specific power of attorney )

  41. Jazzy, There is a great website
    The have a wonderful selection of things that he can remember you with. I got my bf a rug with an ocean and a big heart with our names in it. Also a wood frame with our names engraved that says "If I know what Love is it is because of you". They have a little hershey kiss made from crystal and you can have your initials and date so he can put it next to him at night. Everything is very reasonable and ships quickly. My bf just received his shipped goods yesterday and he said he felt so much closer to me since he put the stuff in his room.

  42. Jazzy, the only time you'd get a specific power of attorney is for something like buying/selling a car, house, etc., so it's not something people normally do ahead of time. For just handling his everyday finances, you should be OK as is. Online banking makes life so much easier! :-)

  43. Vic,
    You are so right when u said send lots of emails that it really means the world to them…I hadn't heard from my guy in 4 days…so I just kept sending emails everyday….I just got an email from him saying exactly that-he was so happy to come back seeing all the emails I sent him…that feedback was all I needed…I feel alot better. So thank u…it helps!! Here is another idea as a keepsake for ur man Jazzy and all….making up personalized dog tags that they can wear on their chain so it is with them always….

  44. Jazzys venting in ca | April 20, 2007 at 5:54 am |

    I seen a beautiful tiffany & co dog tag chain i was thinking about…i know he will cherish it! So, gals what about your guys, mental stability when he returns has anyone expierienced a change? Personally i already feel my guys a lil to the left. But thats what i love about him, i am just so nervous it could get worse…give me feedback…thanks and happy friday all…

  45. jazzy…
    I have noticed a large change, and he has been gone two months. But it is to be expected. Just know that when he changes it is not your fault, and he does love you. Things are hard just cause of what they go thorugh.
    hope that helps a little…just expect change.

  46. Hi All…I too have noticed a change and my guy also has been over there 2 months…he is a bit disgusted, somewhat frustrated, and more appreciative of coming back from missions with emails and care packages from me…which makes me feel better…but yes, I can sense a change…not major, but definitely a change…Jazzy, I say go for the dog tags, he will be always able to wear it close to his heart…

  47. What a difference a day can make. Just got the follow-on for next tour. Overseas again. Just got proposed to??
    Have to share a little bit of background. Was married to my soulmate for 24 years. Corporate America Diagnosed with Cancer at 44. Never thought I would ever marry again but I do love this military man! Any Advise?

  48. Wow congratulations!! That is awesome!! explain to me what a follow on for next tour means. I say go with ur heart and be happy u got a second chance!! Run with it…life is too short! I am envious and happy for u!! congratulations.

  49. Thanks Kiki. After he gets finished in Greenland he is going to Germany. Some people don't get one great love and I know how lucky I am to have 2. It still seems crazy as I have been widowed for 5 years and just never thought I would marry again. Need to process for a few days. When I was in church this morning I found myself asking God if this is really what he wants. I try to sit in the back seat and let God drive down the path of life.

  50. that is the best attitude to have and u will feel peace with ur answer….good luck!!

  51. Hi again…u know how u asked if we noticed a "change" in our guy…I didn't think there was much of one, but now he seems more withdrawn…a little bit distant compared to usual…is that the kind of change u have been experiencing??

  52. Jazzys venting in ca | April 24, 2007 at 6:02 am |

    He hasnt even left yet and he is so distant….he plans to place me as one of his beneficiaries…this makes me so nervous, he is just doubting he will return as the months have gone by he has lost so many friends, i cant imagine how his family will feel he is making this step…i am just a girlfriend once again… :( although, i am so proud he would do that for me, i refused it because, i am so scared he going to just give up……i just feel so numb not even my comfort he accepts….at the moment…

  53. Before my bf left, he got very distant, and he tried to push me away. That is also what he tries to do over there, espcially after the loss of a good friend. Mostly I see a rollercoster of emotions…worse than pms…one day it is amazing he is loving, and happy. The next day sad and depressed. I am finally realizing how much he needs support, so i learn to go through the motions. I wish all of you luck…just dont forget as is said many times, they do care, and they are fighting for something they believe in, so we must support them

  54. I 100% agree with you Vic. The moods are different with each email…all you can do is be consistent…supportive…strong…and just happy when you do hear from them….don't be insecure..or have them worried about u….they have a job to do and you don't want him distracted…it is so hard….but I tell you…after a rough few days on a mission…my man tells me how happy he is when he sees all the email from me….just keep loving him when he is distant…it is his way of going "in the cave" to make it a little less painful….cuz they do care so much!!

  55. Hey girls. You have NO idea the comfort I have found in your posts. I have been looking for just Girlfriend posts all over and this is my new sanctuary, it just seems like when they hear you are a girlfriend its like, Oh, as if they already feel like it won't last because of the deployment. My boyfriend is in the Navy and left two weeks ago and the anxiety before was horrid! But now that he is gone I am struggling with the lack of communication. I feel like I am sitting here pining for him and caring and I am searching for some sort of acknowledgement from him. I am babbling I know, but just realize how much I appreciate all these posts. Let's stick together :)

  56. Jazzys venting in ca | April 25, 2007 at 6:06 am |

    I am going through that same anxiety myself at the moment!!He leaves in a week and he is a mess and i am dying inside and trying to stay so strong, he told me once he needs a women who will be strong when he cant…esp. if he ever got deployed. he is so distant and i am thinking doesnt he want to be closer then ever? but i forget how men typically are. I thank all the women who are here and whose words have brought me comfort as well. The descions he is making at the moment i am wondering is he doing this to keep me by his side? because i will be here reguardless. i try so hard to show him this..with him being so grumpy and expressionless its getting so hard, he is becoming a stranger to me, and its just so hard to know i will be missing a complete stranger…..

  57. Jazzy
    Hang in there, I went through the exact same thing. It is kind of like a test…will she stay with me if i do this. Just hang in there, he will come back to you, and he will show you how much he cares…just stay strong, and you will not be missing a total stranger, beacuse he will still be the man you love.

  58. Jazzy, I can relate! guys just deal with pressure different than girls. We want to melt into his arms and cry and he just wants to get on with it and not drag it out. But I guarantee its equally as difficult for him to leave you behind. While my bf was packing to get on the ship we didn't say two words to each other and it made me mad at first. but then I realized just having me there even in silence made it better for him. So hang in there and realize we all just deal with things differently. His grumpiness is just frustration I am sure. I am here for you if you need to vent :)

  59. Hey Girls,
    As I said earlier, he is just temporarity in his cave to deal…TRUST ME, TRUST VIC, once he is gone, he will start missing you and be a mush,sentimental, and to be honest, I have learned more about his wants, his dreams, his needs and what he wants when he gets back…than I might have if he was here…it will be an emotional roller coaster, but in some respects, you will become more intimate while he gone than while he is with you….TRUST ME ON THAT. So hang in there girls, be strong, your men will be back, they just got to get thru this initial transition!!!!

  60. Thank you Vic, you are totally right. He has already after being gone less than a week started to sendmore emails and actually call. Its nice to know that we are mutually missing each other :)
    I sent my first care pkg today, Im terrible at baking so I sent Chips Ahoy haha. It def helps to be distracted by things like what to send in the next one, etc.

  61. Dear everyone,
    I found this forum today and am happy there is a place like this. I have found myself in a sudden involvement with a guy who will deploy to Afghanistan next month, and it is so difficult to sit back and try to be strong and patient! If anyone can have some advice or just commiseration I will love to hear it. My situation is a little weird and so it leaves me completely not knowing where I stand. We met only a couple weeks before he was activated, spent an amazing week together and then off he went for training. He came to visit on a 4-day pass and things got even more intense. Since he left I get messages all the time that he "thinks we might be in love", that he wants to be with me when he gets back, etc. BUT– he is so distant over there on base and because we did not have more time together I always wonder where I stand! Recently I made things heavier than I wanted by bringing up our frequency of communication. Now his loving messages are not coming as often and I am driving myself nuts wondering if I ruined something and am frustrated because we cannot interact in person on a more laid-back level! What do you girls think? If a man is sending you messages that he would like to start a family with you and that he is falling for you, do you think I should just be patient and believe it? Even when he is not as in touch with me as I am with him? I know the training load is heavy but without any concrete understanding of where we stand, it is hard to not start feeling doubtful. He is strong and practical and I am not as disciplined as him. He was always saying he adores me but since I acted like a stupid girl getting frustrated that I wasnt hearing from him, I don't hear him saying that to me anymore. If any women with more experience with military men could give me their opinion, I would love it. My biggest question is, if a man is sending you messages all the time about maybe making a family together, about wanting to live with you/be with you when he gets back from deployment, but then he is so very distant sometimes, is it something to worry about? Maybe he just likes the idea of having a girl pining for him while he is away? Or is that absurd? I'm losing all my rationality because I think I have fallen completely in love with him. Thanks in advance and warm hugs for you all. –Chloe. p.s. sorry for such a long post!

  62. Sarah…
    I am glad you heard from him. It gets better it really does…sending packages helps, I find myself sending them almost to much lol..if gets expensive. Being in the military myself, I am unable to bake but when I get home this summer I will. Try the choc. chip recepie on the back of the bag..that is usually really easy..i am sure he will love the chipsahoy though…keep strong girl…Post any ideas for packages you have so we can all share.
    The dollar store is great, send a gag package with random stuff it will make your guy laugh.

  63. ashley allison | April 27, 2007 at 4:14 pm |

    I am a military girlfriend as well. My boyfriend just left a few weeks ago to go to Iraq. Its his first deployment. Its really hard! When he was stationed in Ft. Lewis, WA, I at least got to talk to him. I havent heard from him, and have been told that I wont here from him till 2-4 months from now. I cry so much because I miss him and love him. I dont have anyone that I can really talk to that will understand where I am coming from. Alot of my friends call me crazy, for putting myself through all of this. But they dont understand how much my boyfriend means to me , and how I would go to the end of the world for him. I am just looking to meet people who are in the same boat as me and understand where I am coming from.

  64. Hey!
    Okay, Ashley, to reply to your post, you cannot listen to people who aren't in, or involved with the military who talk about your relationship. Our relationships are completely different due to the circumstances in the military. My friends say all the time, Oh I could never do that, I freak out if my boyfriend is gone for a few days! Well, ours are gone for MONTHS, we adapt. The great thing is, if its meant to be, this will make us stronger in our relationships. My boyfriend and I refer to these deployments as "The Ultimate Test". If we can make it through this, we can certainly make it through the hard times when we are actually together. Same for you. Vic on here is the best at advice! Read what she has said, and its true, be patient with the times he is short, and cold. Its an extremely difficult on both parties, but its great to have something at least to vent onto such as this where people actually UNDERSTAND what you are going through, because most of the time your parents, your siblings, your friends don't grasp exactly what you are going through.
    chloe.. for your situation the only option you have is patience. live your life as you would normally as much as possible and only time and the waves of emotions that you two endure together will tell if you two really are meant to be. Imagine yourself in his shoes. Its extremely hard to show affection under the circumstance, and try to understand that he cannot keep reaffirming his love for you everyday with is job. Only time can tell, and your support and positivity will most likely make him miss you more.
    Those are totally just my opinions, Im new to this myself but maybe we can all learn from each others ideas.
    PS in a previous post someone mentioned putting a pillow case with your perfume into the care package, what a hit, he loved it! The little things that make people happy :)

  65. hey there Sarah….the pillowcase was my idea…glad it was a hit! just sent mine out the other day…anyone got some more ideas? These fun carepackages is what helps keep me going!

  66. my guy just spent his 25th b-day over there so i sent him .a singing candle and cupakes(the kind in the package) they were a hit, he loved it.

  67. thats such a cute idea Vic! Im sure he will uv it! We cant send homemade stuff like cookies….right? Im bumming right now….I was @ a patient of mine house-fell down a flight of stairs and broke my right wrist and am bruised all over…talk about feeling even worse than I did!

  68. Kiki…i am so sorry to hear that…get better soon…YES YOU CAN SEND HOMEMADE STUFF…they love it…cookies make it there ok, just put a piece of bread in the bag…have a great week all

  69. Kiki, Sorry about your fall.
    When my bf was over in Iraq I would freeze the cookies for a few days and then ship. Just another idea. Also I sent alot of crystal light. They have tons of water but it is a nice treat for them to put a little flavor in it. mg

  70. Crystal Light, Great Idea thanks MG!
    Kiki that SUCKS about your wrist! Is it your writing wrist? Do we need to send YOU a care package too?! =)
    I am creatively impaired if you will, so keep up the ideas. I sincerely appreciate them, and don't claim them as my own when he loves them, so you all are being credited =)
    Have a great day ladies!

  71. Hi all….thanks so much 4 the emails and words of kindness…yes it is my writin hand and next week will know if i need surgery or not….it could be alot worse! Thanks 4 the update re baked goods! i thought u couldnt send them….here's another idea…4 selfish purposes…send a disposable camera so he can take pics of himself 4 u!….my guy had fun doing it and im waiting 4 them now!! ANY games….lol i just sent a whiffle ball set cuz my guy loves playin baseball…anything that will b fun….silly putty…sent water pistols…etc..

  72. i am so glad to have found this site. i thought i was alone. my boyfriend left 2 days ago for iraq, and i've been going back and forth with bouts of denial and crying sessions. he was my high school sweetheart. i've loved him for 10 years, ever since the day i met him. but about 7 years ago we'd drifted apart. we moved on, both in other relationships, long ones. but we found each other again. after one failed marriage and one dead end relationship. the day we decided to get back together, being on opposite sides of the country, he got the order that he was being deployed. my heart broke. when he returned home from training, i moved in with him. 3000 miles from everything i know. we spent 3 blissful weeks together, although most of it was just getting ready for him to go and me to be alone in a place i don't know. and now he's gone. now i wait. i'm not sure when or how he'll be able to get in touch with me. just the last two days have been miserable, i don't know how i'll get through the rest of the time. but i have to. i love him and he wants to marry me after he comes home. we didn't do it before because he didn't want our families to think it was for the wrong reasons. so i'm very thankful i can come here and people understand how difficult this is. when i find out where i can send things to him, i'll be using some of your care package ideas, and i'll keep coming back. i need to learn how to be strong so that he can be stronger. i can't let him worry about me.

  73. Jennie, That is alot to go through! I think you have found the right place to vent though. Its a tough situation. My boyfriend and I don't even live together, we have been doing long distance for over a year, and we try to spend a week a month together, which didn't always happen. Its hard when you are used to having someone as a positive part of your life everyday to just go away. The best thing you can do is be strong, let him know you care. You guys will appreciate each other so much when he gets back and you get married for all the right reasons!


  75. Sarah, thanks for the response. Kiki, good luck with your hand. I know all you girls must be so strong to deal with these deployments. To feel so proud of someone but to miss them so much at the same time.
    Maybe you girls who have more experience with these things than me, since I am newer to this, can give me some reassurance. Things seem to be okay with my guy, he deploys in about 2 weeks, and got one last leave and is coming to visit next week! But while in the past he has always had such loving words for me, in the last 2 weeks I have had NONE of that. I am trying to tell myself it is because he is in deployment-mode now, and can't concentrate on pining for some girl. Is my thinking correct? It is hard to be a girl and have the age old worries, "is he using me?", "does he just want sex", since this is a newer relationship and without the regular reinforcement of his loving words my mind starts to wander to those things. Before he was talking about families and the last 2 weeks it is mostly about blow jobs! Sorry to be graphic! But do you agree I should just be patient and understanding and understand that his number 1 focus needs to be his deployment and not his feelings for me? And feel secure that those feelings are still there, but that he can't concentrate on them or give them too much attention?

  76. Hello… this is my first time on here… Im seeing someone thats going through special forces training right now.. could someone please help me out and tell me what its like out there… do they have access to phones and the internet and such during SUT training… much appreciated…by the way… I am just starting to understand the depth of all of this…..

  77. Chloe- by the way.. I just looked at your post.. my guy got a bit like that with sex on his mind just before he left for his SUT training because he's going to be away for 7 weeks straight I think…. but i think thats just their way of coping….

  78. Sibrin…
    I dont think they have phones, I am in the army and everything i have heard about special forces training, there are no phones, I will ask around. It is like a harder basic, so he is trainning all the time. I think you can write him if he has an address, not sure though. Good luck

  79. Thanks a lot for that vic.. no i dont think he has an address…I feel a bit silly being on here.. especially as my guy is still in training… To be honest… Im from new jersey and I moved to england to get international work experience… I cant explain it.. i never thought i would be in this situation… and didnt think i could deal with it… but maybe this SUT thing is a good learning ground for deployment in the future… Im going back home on business next week.. and his mom has asked for me to call her.. will be the first time.. im indian (of the asian nature) by the way.. yes yes very unusual apparently… coz he says he doesnt know of any indians in the SF… how do you cope? and btw.. I just was reading through this.. and you ladies are amazing.. if this thing goes any further.. which at the rate we were going seems very likely.. im completely nuts about him.. I am going to be constantly on here…. so vic where are you right now…

  80. apologies vic.. another stupid question- they are obviously not allowed to use cell phones during SUT training then?

  81. Chloe, I am LOL cuz I can so relate to u regarding the Sex thing and all r wonderins since it is a "newer" kind of thing…..just bear with it 4 a while….it changes to more intimate "feelings" & thoughts once they r gone and start missin u….one day while I was going thru that with him I finally turned it around on him and straight out asked "what am I to u?" If all I am is a —- to u, let me no cuz I want more in my life than that….it was perfect cuz he was over there 4 a bit and it really opened his heart 2 tell me what he wanted….so b patient it will change…So girls…U must send disposable cameras over….Today I got my first care package from my guy…with the camera and 1 of his army shirts that smelled just like him….the pics and his shirt brought tears 2 my eyes…it was the best gift!! Trust me…getting it sent back will make ur day….Hang in there girls!!

  82. i have found this site comforting. Im just in the beginning stages of the military. My bf is shipping to boot camp in 2 wks. Problem is i think im more interested in us staying together that he is. He is a little lost in life right now and i think that is why he joined. He actually wants to go to Iraq. Im not so sure why. My question is….should i stick it out and see what happens? Do they really miss home and the people there and what is it like for them?

  83. So girls what branch of the military r ur guys in and where are they based over there?

  84. I JUST found out that Justins deployment is extended ANOTHER 6 MONTHS! How do I cope with this, its neverending! He says "I understand if you want to move on with your life since thats so long". Am I supposed to just believe that he really means that and is losing hope in us or that he just wants me to be happy… I dont know. I wont see him now until June of 08! How is one supposed to continue a relationship of that nature when I am not allowed to know anything going on in his life and he is not a part of anything I do here. ITS SO HARD. Do I bear through it, or give up? I dont want to give up but I also dont want to wait for someone for over a year and remain true and faithful only to have it end when he does come back because he lost interest, know what I mean. I am so confused, i so dont want to lose him, but I dont know if I can be alone for over the next year, AT LEAST.

  85. Hi Sarah,
    Im no expert and I have not gone through any of this yet but when you get a chance to talk to him next why dont you ask him to explain to you why he wants you to move on- whether he feels guilty keeping you hanging or if it is because he doesnt see it going anywhere? It is hard, I am sure, I dont know how I am going to deal with it when I am in that situation- I hope you dont mind me giving you advice…..
    but if he is feeling guilty about keeping you hanging on… then you know what to do…. take care

  86. Sarah-doesnt he get leave for at least weeks at some point? Even if u have to meet him somewhere like europe…so u can get answers then? My guy is also goin 2 b there till about the same time but gets leave in dec. find out about that…hang in there…i know this sucks!!! Im sorry about ur bad news….

  87. Hi Everyone,
    This is my first posting on the site. I am an Army girlfriend and I'm struggling just as so many of you are but I've found great comfort in reading through your postings.
    My biggest struggle right now is that I haven't heard from my guy in Iraq in the last four months. I heard from him pretty regularly for the first four months of his deployment. This is his second deployment but my first so I'm not sure how he handled the last one. I'm not in contact with his family. I continue writing letters, sending packages and emails and try to be supportive but it there are days when it really bothers me.
    I've made up my mind to stay the course until he comes home as "normal rules of dating" sort of go out the window during deployment and we didn't really have time to prepare for this one before he left.
    I have the feeling that he needs to pull away from me to get through his days there. He was very stressed out the last time we talked and doesn't seem to be handling this deployment as easily as his last.
    And to make matters worse, his wife left him during his last deployment to Iraq a few years ago so I'm also sensitive to that fact and that he might be dealing with some of the aftermath of that.
    I'm wondering if anyone else can shed some light on things or if anyone else experienced this? I think it would help to know that I'm not the only one that has had to deal with the sudden and long lack of communication.

  88. Jazzys venting in ca | May 7, 2007 at 5:53 am |

    Good Morning ladies.
    My soldier leaves for a 400 day deployment in 2 weeks. He has offered me all these things such as a home, to look forward to a car, a stable life things i never had. But, now time is running out and i am trying to be clear with all these things how does he want our reletionship to grow? the money he gives me what do i do with it? basically how is this going to wrk. i need guidence how can i approach this subject in a better way? he sees it as i am not believing in us..its not that i just want some understanding. He has a child and the mother of his child left him after his last deployement…i am scared to understand that situation as well….HELPPP i just need some better wording here…

  89. These recent post have been so sad. You all love these men so much and don't know what to expect. I think they are just really SCARED. They want to serve their country and do what is right but really not sure what they are about to face. My advise would be "HANG IN THERE". I will share something with you that happened to my son. He joined the Army last July. I went to his Basic Training Graduation. During my visit he told me that after he had been in basic for a short period of time they brought them all into a room and locked the door. They said that because of the Israel breakout that their training after basic was condensed and they would be going to war. He said most of the guys started crying including my son. He said the hardest thing was, having to tell me. If you read a previous post of mine I was married for 24 years and lost my husband at a young age to cancer. I have a wonderful military man in my life now who I have gone through a tour in Iraq and now Greenland. I can understand the separation anxiety…it STINKS. I think if you take a day at a time and be there for your man… allow God to handle the rest. You will find Happiness!

  90. MG…U give wonderful advice…I 100% agree…they r scared-so just love them-support them-and be their happy place-something that brings them happiness and incentive-god has a plan 4 all of us…we have little control in this situation…just love them and with time u will get your answers…hang in there!!

  91. You are all so right. I just have a tough time being the girl back home who just nods her head and smiles, not that that is who I am, but its just as scary and hard on us I think. i feel awful bc we literally just got into email FIGHTS. he says I am mocking his duty by asking him what I am supposed to do while he just keeps re-deploying, and he will continute to do so even after his contracted time is up. He loves his job, so I dont feel sorry for him. Not saying that I should. I am just having a really diffucult time not knowing where i fit into the future. I do feel bad for getting mad via email. Maybe the just even the attention and drama received over email is the most attention total i have recveived in the last 4 months so maybe I actually like it. That sounds so terrible. I just dont know if I can commit to a lifetime of sitting at home waiting when I know he will keep signing up for it. I dont know, Im so confused!

  92. Sarah…u have every right to feel what u do…don't deny urself that! Maybe when u communicate ur feelings online also suggest a solution that he can maybe compromise on…so he can do something to help relieve ur anxiety? Tell him what u need from him to get u thru this as well…so he doesnt feel bad and helpless and guilty that u r feeling this way….it just sounds like he is getting defensive because he doesn't have a solution for u…come up with one for him that will make u happy and that is realistic for him to follow thru with! In the meantime…if this is his career u have to dig deep in ur heart and figure out if this is the life u want…hang in there sarah we all are here for u!

  93. Ok So I need some MAJOR help. I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 months. He has been deployed to Iraq for about 3 weeks now, and I am completley miserable. He will be gone for up to a year. While he was home for leave before he left, we went to visit his family for the first time in Wisconsin. I live in Virginia and therefore am not close to his family for support. While we were there, on April 16th, the shootings at Virginia Tech occured. I am a sophmore, soon to be junior there, and I was completley devistated. He had to leave two days later, so the rest of the time we had together was very strained. I lost some friends in the shootings and it was very hard to deal with everything at once, and I am still not ok. I am very lucky, because he is a good at communicating with me. Sometimes I worry that all of my problems are just one more thing to add to what he is dealing with, so I feel guilty for talking to him about it. My closest friend has recently stopped talking to me because she feels that I am being a baby about the whole situation (him being gone), and that he is not the right one for me anyways. Don't worry, thats actually makes me feel comforted that she doesn't like him, from the choices that she makes in her own life. She doesn't understand. So therefore, I have very few people to talk to and no one that understands. I am an overworrier about EVERYTHING by nature. You name it, and I worry. Does anyone else worry that when your boyfriend comes back, that things won't be as they were before. I mean I know they won't and that it will take time to get back to semi-normal, but what if he decides that he doesn't want this anymore. We talked about marriage and our future alot before he left, but we never discuss it anymore and its hard because I still want to be able to look forward to those things, but I am no longer sure that I can.
    On another note, thank you so much for this discussion board. I am so glad to have people to relate to and talk with. A girl really needs her friends when the going gets tough, and I am running out of people to talk to. Thank you very much for this. I would appreciate any feedback, oh and I love the ideas for carepackages. Another idea is a coffeepress. They make coffee without needing an outlet, and are fairly cheap. He can use that, and you can send him his favorite coffee too!

  94. Hello all, I'm new here. Kiki, I am an alumnus of VT and my brother goes there now, so I can totally relate to you on that level. My boyfriend (also a VT alum) deployed on the 27th to top it off. I am also a worry-wort so I can relate to the anxiety. Luckily I am in medical school so I have PLENTY to distract me (haha, should be doing some studying now..), so that would be my advice is do your best to try to limit your time spent worrying, give yourself so many times a day where you are allowed to.
    Another idea that has REALLY helped me is to journal everyday life, I "talk" to it as if I am talking to him and it really helps! I then of course will send it to him (don't have an address yet). I understand about the friends thing, it is really hard to find people who understand, I go to a sort of anti-military medical school so not a whole lot of people
    "get it" you just have to try to reach out. I recently started volunteering at Walter Reed's rehab clinic and I cannot tell you how great that makes me feel!! I'm also planning on volunteerin at another base by tutoring some children there. So that's another piece of advice: volunteer in the military community.
    I hope that helps!! Best of luck! :)

  95. P.S. My boyfriend is a practical joker type, so I am planning on sending him a sandbox toy set; I think he'll get a kick out of it :)
    On a more serious carepackage note I am planning on sending a DVD with some of our "couple pictures" set to a song; it was surprisingly easy to make! (Windows Movie Maker)

  96. Thanks Sara. Its hard because all of this is new, and I guess after a while it will get easier. Im in between a summer internship and school right now, just being a bum for a few days at home, so that makes the worrying worse. Being away from school for the summer will help with all of that mess. I will do my best to stay busy. Your right, that always does help. Thank you for listening and respoding, it makes me feel SO much better already.
    I sent my first care package today. I have a question. He wants me to send his favorite kind of chewing tobacco (I don't like that he does it, and I am already working on him to quit, but right now with him over there, its not the best time to force him to stop). Do they have regulations about sending that stuff through the mail? I am always worried about what I can and can't send. I did it anyways, so I guess well see how it goes.
    I just got off the phone with him. Hes happy and safe, and just got his liscense to drive the truck from the barracks to work. Hes stationed at Camp Bucca.
    I cannot tell you how relieved I have been the past two days to just be able to type what im feeling on here and know that people will understand. Thank you so much everyone for this. And sorry I type alot, Im a talker too, and its nice to finally have someone to listen.
    P.S. Another good idea for stuff to put in carepackages. The dollar isles at target when you first go in the store always have really corny but cheap things. I got him a bucket and shovel. I always joke about if he gets bored, there is pleanty of sand around to make castles. The funny thing is I know he will actually do it now :) Keep sending the ideas, I love it.

  97. hey!!!!! i been dating my bf for almost 2 yrs and i love him to death. He is in Us Army. 2day he left to fort hood texas and i cant begin to tell u how much i miss him. I am gettin used to the fact of him leaving all the time but its still hard. Hes been thru basic training which i was luck enough to just b without seeing for a month and a half cuz he came down to his home town on december then 14 days later he left again back to south carolina he grad and left to virginia he came on april for 4 wks which they fly. It went by so fast, it suxs!…now i wont b able to see him for 7 months cuz he doesnt have any days off :(
    All i gotta say is by there for ur bf, husband watever the case may be. Listen to them and comfort them. They dont want use suffering because then they suffer and then they cant concentrate on wat their mission is and that aint good. Don't give them drama!!!!!! Just be a good g/f…even tho sumtimes it may seemed as this is all pointless cuz u hardly see them trust me if u love the guy ur with u rather see them for a cpl of days then none. Stick wit ur man, love honor, cherish him!!!!!…They need our love and support. Also when they are home dont push them away, b wit them as much as u can because once he leaves u dont know when hes coming value the times u have 2gether. These are things im shareing with u gurls because i've learned them. Best of luck to all u woman.
    God Bless

  98. VTJenni, sorry I didn't direct the previous post to you in the first place, I thought the names appeared at the top! oops, beginners mistake!
    Anyways, I am not so sure on the chewing tabacco, my suspicions are that it's ok since he is over the age of 18, it's a legal substance, etc. I'm so happy that you got to hear from him!! I know it's always the highlight of my day :)
    From the emotions I have gone through I think the sadness comes in waves and eventually they will come further apart (but never going away).
    Good to know your taking my advice to heart, you'll make the world a better place like your boyfriend is trying to :)
    Again, best of luck, us hokies and Army girlfriends have to stick together!

  99. sorry i'm chatty, he couldn't talk this morning … i need a better outlet – here ?
    i only said things to make him feel good the nite before he left then he sent me rounds of kisses and things on and on online – i said "loving your feeling, i am (yoda)" and "miss you much, i won't" "with me here always, you are"
    i am so grateful for this deployment – it changed our whole situation – made us closer even though he is farther away – we are bonding

  100. cool rosy – thanks for that
    if he was in the house – i would NEVER push him away – i know of people who do that and it kills me that people waste time that we would die to have
    it has been 16 months since we've seen each other in person and it will be 11 months before he comes back to me – webcam would make me crazy – he did it once and i recorded/copied frames of it the whole time :)
    we are closer every day even tho we have been at a distance – i have given him what no one else has: TIME
    and i would never make him choose me or work
    sorry i go on and on about him – we have been doing the distant thing for 2-1/2 yrs and only seen each other 2 weeks out of that (and that was after my workday –

  101. kate,
    mine is in spec forces too
    i just bought a tshirt with "special forces" on it to wear to the gym – he would die laughing if he knew i was wearing that
    one more day he's gone only means it's one more day closer to him coming home

  102. my guy is in special forces as well….that is too cute with the t shirt! I agree, tho far away, being their support, their rock, their lifeline does make u bond and b closer even tho u r far away….

  103. Kiki /kitten,
    Maybe you can help- how long is special forces deployment- i guess there is no routine.. but generally how long are they away for?-
    I am trying to prepare myself… :)

  104. Hey there…my guy told me he is going to be away 1 year to 14 months or longer being it is an election year he is anticipating possibly longer…next week will b 3 months for me that he is gone….I don't know if that is the normal duration or not since i'm an extreme newbie to all of this!!

  105. WOW!!!! thats a long time… my bf told me that it would be 3 months of the year.. not sure if it is different for different units… ???
    Do you know which unit your guy is in? I believe my guy will be in the 1st unit based at Fort Lewis in Washington

  106. My boyfriend is not special forces but I think almost every deployed Army soldier's contract says 1-2 years. Ugh, such ambiguity! *sigh* such is life!
    I had another idea for the coffee-loving soldier while I was grocery shopping today: the Splenda sweetener w/flavoring! Also I am sending those "100 calorie pack" oreos since they don't have as high of a likelihood of breaking/melting. :)
    Have a good day!

  107. the minimum i have heard is 6 months…but as i said i'm a newbie with this…he is in Special Forces psych op thru fort bragg, NC.He actually can get out if he so chooses in Feb, but it has 2 b extended b/c his mission won,t b complete till then…will b interesting 2 c if he extends his commitment or not…..yesterday i sent a frisbee and whiffle ball set….they gotta play 2 don't they!! : )

  108. girls-this was sent to me today by a friend…it was done by a 15 year old. it is beautiful but be prepared to cry….it says it all…

  109. Kiki,
    That was beautiful …and yes a tearjerker…
    Thanks a lot to all for the info

  110. Kiki, Thanks for sharing. I think Brian Williams on the NBC Nightly News should show this. I do think alot of Americans have forgotten why these men and women are over there…FOR US.

  111. I 100% agree. people just go about their lives…forgetting that these are people who r sacrificing 4 us….u just got to love them, support them and express how proud u r of them….they have no real answers 4 us….because as my guy has said to me,he doesn't look too far in the future because he has to be in survival mode….and honestly…that is where we need them to b right now….so girls just keep lovin them!!! its what keeps them going….

  112. My boyfriend was on pre-deployment in TX for 6 months before heading over to Iraq. He has been "in country" for 9 months now. So for 15 long months I've been sending care packages, cards, emails, etc.. I miss him so much and am looking forward to the day he is home. I just received word about a week ago that they are preparing for the next round of military personnel to come onboard and are starting to pack up their things. I'm just hoping I know ahead of time when they will be back in TX so I can fly down there to welcome him home. Does anyone know of a site or contact to find that information out ahead of time? Thanks!! :)

  113. Kiki, GOD that video re-put it all into perspective. I get so caught up in the anxiety, AKA its 3am and I have to be at work in 4 hours and I haven't slept because I haven't hear from him. I stress bc I haven't heard from him that he loves me or misses me and I wonder how it will be when he returns. but seeing that video makes me realize that i just need to be the rock. I am having a really tough time! All my life I have planned my future and known what the next step will be, and never before have I felt such a lack of control or such ambiguity. While it was kind of exciting when he was in the states now the udder silence and halt in our communication has scared the crap out of me! I have never felt so alone or confused! I seriously dont want him to know, but its starting to wear on my mental psyche. The constant checking of email is getting to be an illness. Its distracting me from life, and work alot. Anyway, I just dont think its healthy the way I am personally handling this, and I don't want him to know, but I am just constantly anxious and wondering about us and how he feels and I need to make a change. Sorry, just needed to vent. I have started the journal, but I could never send it to him or share it with him bc its completely selfish and all about my personal struggles with all of this. I just don't know if I am strong enough, and that scares me so bad. I've never experiences such a weak side to myself. Thanks for listening girls.

  114. Sarah…I thought it was excellant too, it does put things into perspective, but u also have a right to feel how u do….how long has it been since u have heard from him? If journaling isn't helping too much why don't u go and talk to a counselor 4 a bit to det u thru it….it would be an unbias person helping u to deal with this tough situation and to help u figure out things 4 urself. i did this and it has helped me tremendously…..just a thought

  115. I agree with Kiki Sarah, sometimes just talking to someone who will just listen without judging is a good thing. Doesn't even have to be a counselor usually members of the clergy are good at that sort of thing as well.
    Also realize that it takes time and conscious effort to put things in perspective; it doesn't happen overnight. You are off to a good start with the journal!! I hear you on the checking email constantly, ugh! I am happy that this summer I have a chance to drive across country and only be able to check my email once a day; it will be such a relief on my mental psyche :)
    Hang in there Sarah, you can do it! Maybe volunteer a little??? Go to a neighboring base (if there is one) and offer to babysit for those mothers (or fathers) whose spouses have deployed. Sometimes it helps to feel like you are apart of the solution instead of feeling helpless. Just a thought!
    best of luck! vent anytime :)

  116. As many have said in these post… this is the place to vent. I think checking emails is something we all do and is very normal. That is human nature to want to be connected. No one needs to feel bad about spilling there guts here. The video Kiki shared with us just shows that we may overthink alot of things. I feel when we think things are not so good in the relationship that your other half is going to bed at night thanking God he/she has you in
    his/her life.
    PS..This may be a little late but no tobacco allowed to be sent to Iraq.

  117. Okay ladies. Bad news. We broke up. He told me I needed to slow down! How much can a girl slow down from across the world? I told him thats alot to ask when all I have tried to do is be supportive. I am so sad. But this is me signing off ladies. Thank you for all of your advice and love, best of luck with your men. Love Sarah

  118. Sarah that is a sign to hang in there when the system post the same message twice with the same date and time.

  119. Thanks MG! i wish he would change, but he is one stubborn donkey and he keeps saying we can never be together bc he will deployed alot of the next 5 years and I am expecting too much by wanting to eventually live together and one day be married. Its not like I asked for any of that, even in the next year or two. I just feel like the man I loved isnt there anymore, I don't even know him. I have been as supportive as possible and all he has done is say things that are hurtful and he hasnt been consistent in what he told me before he left. I can't live like that. My whole world is upside down right now. I REALLY appreciate you guys reaching out to me, its all I have had lately that understands. Even he doesnt understand me, of all people! Love you guys!

  120. Sarah, You need to stay in the present and not look down the road 5 years. He is just really scared right now and probably has no one else to vent at. Just remember that usually the people that are hurt the most are the ones that are loved the most because they will stand by and not let go during tough times and what your man is going through is probably tougher than any of us can imagine. Don't give Up!

  121. Sarah, I am not really sure you should give up yet. Wait til tomorrow. Maybe he will sleep on it and realize he really did not mean what he said. Don't feel like you have to sign off from here. You probably need us now more than ever.

  122. Sarah, I am not really sure you should give up yet. Wait til tomorrow. Maybe he will sleep on it and realize he really did not mean what he said. Don’t feel like you have to sign off from here. You probably need us now more than ever.

  123. Sarah- I agree with MG… hang in there.. and as hard as it may seem just forget about it for a bit.. I think he just might come back in a few days and realize what he's given up!
    good luck and chin up girl!!!!

  124. Sarah…I am sorry u r going thru this-it sucks…I have to agree with the girls tho…just maybe take a few days of no contact, let him miss u a bit…but hang in there…u r his lifeline and it sounds like u both r hurting and scared…u both just got to go back in ur corners and get perspective back 2 realize what u mean to each other…remember absence makes the heart grow fonder, so just give things a few days to cool down….hang in there girl!!

  125. You all are totally right. I will cool off for a while. THANK YOU! For responding and hearing me out, you guys are wonderful. How is everyone doing, any news with your men??

  126. Hey i am new. After months of attempting to deal with this myself I guess I have given up…or well gotten persistent about not being ashamed of being upset.
    My boyfriend is in the USMC and was deployed in March right before both of our birthdays, for his second deployment. This is the first deployment weve been together.
    I dont understand why some people feel it necessary to go out of their way to hurt you in your time of need. I have lost a few friends because they cant stand hearing about him (either its depressing or annoying). Or people who dont even know me call me a "cheating whore who is in it for money" because of the "military girlfriend stigma"…even though I have never cheated infact I have been called a prude by my friends and I have never let him buy me anything haha! It seems like there is alienation from others and yourself because you feel most if not all people dont understand what youre going through. Which is why I am so glad I came across this site.
    I worry so much about him and will randomly find myself just hysterically crying. I am generally not an overly emotional person what so ever. My phone died and I missed a call from him when I hadnt heard from him in two weeks, then cried in the middle of a lecture. I try so hard to be strong for him. I know this is only temporary but when you love someone so much I find it better to let him know that I cry BECAUSE i care about him and BECAUSE i miss him. If he didnt know I was upset it would be so much worse for him. Like many of you have said before it makes them happy knowing someone cares and thinks about them. I just wish that I could talk to someone who understood. I want to know how to make him happy, although I know he says my overly regular packages, letters, and jokes when he calls make him happy I have no experience outside of guessing. I dont know how to approach his return(although far in the future it will be coming). All the basic things I feel someone in my position would understand. I know we have to be their rocks but someone needs to be ours too right?
    Thank you guys so much for your posts!!

  127. My friends keep sending these wonderful emails to keep things in perspective….so i thought i'd share…just cut and paste the below…it is worth your time….

  128. updates…my guy is getting transferred into baghdad,(which scares me) so sending him stuff is on hold 4 now….which 4 me is frustrating since that kept me entertained since i really can't do much with this broken wrist…lol….sounds trivial, but just needed to vent that…

  129. Kiki, I could not open the perspective thing with cutting and pasting. Your guy will be fine in bagdad. This is really when you have to lean on the man upstairs. Mine was there and he came home fine. As far as your care packages…do not stop making them…you will have a few in reserve. I just sent a care package and the biggest hit was beef jerky and coffee beans from Dunkin Donuts. Hang in there and hope your wrist is healing.

  130. thanks MG…sorry the above cant b opened….i got it in an email….if u want to send me an email…i can 4ward it 2 u….

  131. Update: yay!! I got an address (FINALLY after nearly a month of him being in Kuwait). So I immediately rushed to the post office and mailed my 15 page letter and 2 of the 4 care packages I had made. Felt so good to finally do something. Although it took me nearly 2 hours at the post office (and I am in the middle of studying for a big cumulative neuroanatomy test). haha!!
    This girl is soo happy to finally be able to send things!
    hope you all are doing well :)

  132. YEAH!!! So happy to hear that…it does make u feel better sending stuff. It took about that long to get an address for me as well… So what r u studying to be? Got my RN in 2004…my midlife crisis lol…i'm 39. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR EXAMS!!

  133. Thanks for the congratulations! I'm in medical school, so to be a doctor….so the road is pretty long (looks like forever right now!). But 1 year at a time, right? The "nice" thing is that my guy will be gone during the time I have to study for Step 1 boards (aka the test that determines my life; haha).
    Thanks again Kiki!
    Take care everyone,

  134. good for u saraGlad also u have a major distraction to keep you busy….have worked with alot of residents so can totally appreciate what ur going thru….again good luck! what kind of Dr do u want to be? Me, i'm a maternity nurse and a Public Health Nurse….

  135. PS. Sara….ONE day at a time…lookin ahead used to always scare me of what was ahead…just stay in the present….same with ur bf's deployment…focusing on getting thru today….

  136. Leasey,
    I completley understand about the friends alienating you thing. It sucks! But if this is what has to happen to let you know who your true friends are, then so be it. Atleast you can get some perspective on that. Im really sorry that they did that to you. And yes, we do need someone to be there for us like we are there for our men. And this site has really helped with that. So keep at the typing and updates.
    So I just talked to my boy about an hour ago. He had his day off yesterday, and we usually get on the computer to talk but there was no wireless :( He was really mad about it, and I felt bad because he tried to call a few times the rest of the day, but I was at training in Iowa for my new job, and then was on the plane until midnight, so I missed every call. I hate that, its so frustrating because there is nothing you can do about it.
    I know I can't complain too much. I feel like I have it easy because I get to talk to him on the phone and computer, but its still hard.
    Tonights talk was nice. He talked about what hes been thinking about lately, and Im glad that he can really open up to me and tell me how he feels and tell me about all of his doubts and worries, but it makes me worried at the same time that hes doubting us and worrying too much and that is not a good thing. He says theres not much to do over there but think about stuff. So I know hhe worries and doubts just as much as I do
    Im sad that its only been a month and I still have atleast 8 more. Its scary to think about dealing with this for that much longer. I need a release. Any good ideas?

  137. ok, do ur guys keep asking u to send more and more pics of u?? I'm getting that constantly…lol….its gettin a bit annoying…constantly sending them…just had to vent…

  138. Hi Girls! I am also a girlfriend. My guy leaves this wednesday. I am getting so nervous and scared. Everything makes me cry. I have been trying not to cry in front of him too much. I really dont want him to be worrying about me when he should be focused on getting everything together.
    I am used to not seeing him everyday. since he lives in a different town already. Which come to think of it we have not lived in the same town since 01/06.
    we have been together for almost 3 years now and his family considers me part of them already. So I have already promised T that I would go and visit them every couple months (they live almost 3 hrs away) and for holidays.
    I am just really nervous about him leaving.

  139. Jazzys venting in ca | May 21, 2007 at 7:44 am |

    Good morning Girlfriends,
    I don't know if I am still here as a girlfriend. My guy left me Saturday to train in mesa, AZ/ then to Jersey, then to Iraq. Saturday morning I start to get ready… the night before I had a restless night not one minute of sleep. His flight leaves at 910 and I am at the airport bright and early to prepare my self to see him off. He's coming from a town 2 hrs away, and I figure he's stuck in traffic… I sit there in the same spot until 12 in the afternoon sobbing because he never showed I call him over and over and he never answers. I had no choice but to go home….he calls me two hours later….It ends up he misses his flight because he got wasted in his own misery the night before. He gets on a later flight that day and just shows up says he's sorry and ill c you later. He has been at his new station, for 1 night and two days. Still I have had no contact yet. He told me he is in trouble…for missing his flight…what does this mean girls? How long does it usually take these guys to have downtime to talk… can they go online? I never asked…I am just sitting here thinking maybe goodbye was just too hard? He has a two year old son he is leaving behind and I know that is going to be the hardest thing ever. I know he is going through so much, so I am trying to stay by his side…but I am still a little boggled about what is going on…how long should I wait until I hear from him? I am sure he wanted to contact his family first…-jazzy

  140. Jazzyng…hang in there…sounds like he is so overwelmed and distaught so he is just in withdrawal shutdown mode….just give him time….he I'm sure will call u when he comes out of his cave and also when he has the ability too… the meantime keep busy, busy, busy and pamper and take good care of urself!! hang in there….

  141. Kiki, any word on Baghdad from your guy, and how its going?
    My guy keeps askingme to send photos but everytime i do they always come back to me. I was in a wedding this weekend and looked extra hot, even got extensions and tan. So I sent those photos on Kodak Gallery ( and he actually got them! I guess he was showing them all to his friends which made me feel so special.
    Jazzy, mine was like that at first. They have SO much going on those last few days… orders change, where they fly and when changes, nothing is consistent in the military. He is most likely overwhelmed. Give it some time and talk to us if u need to. Love you ladies. I wish I could attach a photo from the wedding, maybe I will try,
    clcik on the URL

  142. sorry that photo that came up was me and justin oops.
    this is the wedding photo!
    Lets all send fun photos and pics of our guys that will help pass time.
    You can use to download them and use the link it gives u to paste on here. It'll be fun!
    Night ladies

  143. Sarah!! Such great pictures!! and ur guy is a cutey….later on I will try and figure out how to get them online….I havent heard much from him since those 3 soldiers went missing….they were from the unit next to his..I've just gotten a few one liners sayin its been a crazy time searching 4 them…no updates about the transfer to Baghdad….where is ur guy located right now? Still in Kuwait? How were your exams? Hope all you girls are doing ok!!

  144. sarah….what link do u use to get them on here? I signed up with photobucket..

  145. Trying this out sorry if it doesnt work….picture of me..
    [IMG ][/IMG]
    pic of my guy…
    [IMG ][/IMG]
    small camera phone pic of us! only one we got together b4 he left…
    [IMG ][/IMG]
    Hope it works!!

  146. Kiki, Just back from being out of town for the week. I would love for you to send me the perspective article at

  147. Hi kiki, are your pics still on there? the link doesnt seem to work….

  148. Hi kiki, are your pics still on there? the link doesnt seem to work….

  149. ok… maybe I am being really selfish… my guy is not deployed but he's on SF training… and its been 5 weeks and I have managed to get a 2 minute phone call today and a few minutes last week, about the same as his mom… so … I am feeling really down… and I know its going to get harder… our parents are waiting for us to give them the green signal and we wanted to decide around july time.. when he will have a couple weeks off… but everyday is really hard to get through… sorry girls needed to vent… had a really rough week at work.. and been a bit jet lagged.. i work in the uk.. got back from a trip in the states after visiting my family and his family… so been really homesick too ….

  150. Hey Ladies!
    Sorry for the silence, it's been a crazy couple of days with finals then preparation for my own "basic training" (that's right..I'm doing the Army thing too, I'm in HPSP). Just thought I'd give a shout out that my guy made it safely to his base in Iraq! yay!!
    Loved the pictures by the way Sarah! You're so pretty!
    Thanks for the motivation Kiki! You're awesome! :o)
    Sibrin– don't feel selfish, I had to go through the "training silence" too before my guy was deployed and it drove me crazy. You will get "used to it" when/if he gets deployed. Pick up a hobby or something to take up your time and concentrate on it. I also really like writing letters (write almost every day) it helps me feel closer….I also like drawing pictures for him too ;o)
    Well ladies, have a goodnight! Stay strong!

  151. Hi All-hope everyone had a good memorial day weekend? It has been quiet on here…want to hear updates from everyone!! Sara, so glad ur finals are done and your bf made it to Iraq…Sibrin-don't take the silences personally and stay busy as Sara said…I decided to become a mentor thru Big brother/Big Sister…since i have time on my hands with this wrist, thought it would be a good way to do some good…Well miss seeing u all on here-hope everyone is good and hanging in there!!

  152. Hi Girls… thanks for all the support.. no, quite the contrary.. Im not taking the silences personally… I was just frustrated… and I just got a promotion too… plus Im an indian classical dancer.. so Im preparing for a few performances… my friends think I actually over do it.. but I don't know how else to be… I am going to start reading War and Peace…apt hey? … and I have been writing too… I still feel like I have too much time.. till I meet him :)thanks a lot for all the support ladies…hope everyone is hanging in there…
    KIKI- Hows the wrist?

  153. Hi Sibrin…boy you sound very busy!! U r doing all the right things…it gets a bit easier each day once you get used to it…the wrist is hanging in there, 3 more weeks in the cast, no surgery so far…just been doing PT on the fingers, ankles and back…but I am feeling much better!! Thanks for asking!! : ) Congrats on the promotion….that is awesome!!

  154. To anyone out I am..another "just" girlfriend and I do need some support. My situation is slightly different though: I'm Italian and live in Italy (so you'll hopefully forgive my mistakes). We had been dating for less than 2 months when he was deployed to Afghanistan for 6 months, which was just 20 days ago. Besides the frustrating feeling of starting a beautiful love story when you know from the very beginning that you'll be forced to be separated right away, I feel even more alone cause I have nobody but him to share this experience. None of my Italian friends experienced anything like this and I don't know his family or friends in the US to keep in touch with yet. Even the idea of sending him stuff over there sounds quite difficult: he gave me his address there and said to write it exactely as he did but I'm sure the Italian post offices have no clue on what to do with such an address..I feel like I'm out of his entire world and if I don't talk to him there's nobody else who would know I actually exist.. We are sharing something really strong and beautiful and him being far away is just making our feelings stronger but I would need to share my feelings with some woman who is in the same situation and can give support and advice. Thank you all and wish you all the best.

  155. Elisa,
    Don't worry about the address. The military uses APO addresses all over the world and the Italian Post Office should be very familiar with it. Just be there for your boyfriend and let your relationship grow stronger while you are apart. It does not matter how much or how little time you had together before he left. True love does not have a built in clock. Start sending him lots of letters and cards telling him how you feel. It will help him knowing that you are with him emotionally.

  156. Hi Elisa
    Gotta agree with MG… you can talk to us as much as you want.. and Im sure your mail will get there.. are you able to talk to him/ email him etc…? pardon my ignorance.. I don't know much about deployment to Afghanistan and hence the questions..
    Anyways, Good luck… and just be there for him.

  157. Margarita | June 3, 2007 at 10:40 am |

    Hey Guys! My boyfriend is in the 82nd Airborne and is leaving for Kuwait tomorrow and then Iraq for about 15 months, but I think he gets a two week leave in the middle. We have been dating for about six months and I think this is gonna be the most difficult time of my life. I find myself crying everytime I think about him or hear any news about the war, but I know I have to be strong and keep going. I just wanted to know how long it takes to hear from them? He warned me I might not hear from him for two months? Is this true? I think I"ll go crazy! Also I was wondering if you guys have some neat ideas of care packages to send. Thank you guys for all your help. I need it

  158. Hey Margarita,
    For a minute I thought I was reading something I posted– your story sounds exactly like mine! My boyfriend and I had only been dating for 6 months before he left. I unfortunately didn't have time to cope with it in the "normal" fashion (crying, thinking about him, etc) because I'm in medical school. But since classes have ended I find myself thinking about him a lot and having my fair share of cries.
    So all in all I totally understand where you are coming from and can empathize.
    I heard from my boyfriend about 3-5 days after he landed in Kuwait. Kuwait is pretty advanced in terms of its communications (relative to Iraq); they even have internet cafes and the like according to my bf. I heard most frequently from him in Kuwait (about once a day, sometimes more). Once he got into Iraq that dropped significantly (about once every 3-4 days and calls about once every 1-2 weeks). But that may be unique to him since he is at a less well-developed base than some others in Iraq (only 6 phones).
    Care packages; I have successfully sent : sandbox toys, splenda (he loved that!), sunflower seeds, beef jerky, quaker oats bars (he loved!), the hard gum (like the chicklet-variety not the soft stuff), purell drink mix (for the water bottle). I am planning on sending him a Camelback cleaning kit to get all the sand and stuff out of it. I also sent him cookies recently (not sure how those will fair yet).
    Best of luck!! We are all here for each other :)

  159. Hello to all. I know that my situation may not be as harsh as many of you, I still feel like I need that support.I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 19. He's an OS seamen recruit for the navy and he came down from chicago after bootcamp and training for a year. We've been best friends for 2 years and we always were in close contact. for about 8 months or so, he wasn't allowed communication. Even though ,recently, We began a relationship, I always knew I loved him even from the first day we met. Anyway, He's leaving in about 2 weeks to go to Japan and won't come back for a year and only for a week or so. I can't even fathom what lies ahead and even though he's here and a few blocks away from my house, I cry every night wishing he didn't have to go but knowing he will. Even though he assures me of the chances of putting him with a weapon are small, I still get scared and cry myself to sleep every night. Even though he hasn't left yet, Im still completely sad and enjoy Every second i spend with him! I don't know why i feel helpless thinking that I may not have moral support because I'd be "just" a girlfriend, i think that individually what each and everyone of us Gfs have is that we have the courage to keep on even though there's no visible promise-yet! Is of the amount we support them and of the harsh times we have to go through too i don't think it's a matter to take lightly. If other GF's can pass this test, why can't I?

  160. girls, I received this from a friend and thought I would share…maybe cut and paste it and email it to ur friends and family as well…Here it is:
    In WWII, there was an advisor to Prime Minister Churchill who organized a
    group of people who dropped what they were doing every night at a
    prescribed hour for one minute to collectively pray for the safety of
    England, its people and peace. This had an amazing effect as bombing
    There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in America.
    If you would like to participate: Each evening at 9:00 PM Eastern Time
    (8:00PM Central, 7:00 PM Mountain, 6:00 PM Pacific), stop whatever you are
    doing and spend one minute praying for the safety of the United States, our
    troops, our citizens and for peace in the world.
    If you know anyone who would like to participate, please pass this along.
    Someone said if People really understood the full extent of the power we
    have available through prayer, we might be speechless. Our prayers are the
    most powerful asset we have.
    How is everyone doing?

  161. Does anyone know who we can contact or where to look to see when the units are due back in the states? My boyfriend has been on deployment for about 16 months now and is due back in August. I want to make sure I am in TX when he gets back (I'm in PA). I was wondering if we can call someone, check out a website or something. If anyone knows of something, please let me know. In the mean time, I emailed him to see if he knows. Thanks!! :)

  162. Hey kiki,
    Doing well… Firls-I have a question for you…I need to send my boyfriend something simple since I can only send to a P.O Box- to congratulate him for making it through SF training- Any suggestions? Im desperate- It may have to be online since I need it delivered by Saturday… help!!!

  163. Hi Sibrin…what about dog tags with something special engraved on it? Glad ur doing well!!

  164. Hi Girls,
    Im really upset.. he just came back from training after 7 weeks and didn't even call me…I called him coz his roommate told me that he'd be back.. and he was really happy to hear from me… but had to go out with the guys he was in training with for dinner (but the boys also wanted to go out for drinks) he's off again for 3 weeks on monday… we were supposed to plan meeting up in july.. Im going through all this effort to make sure I take time off work and feels like he is on another planet! … and he said he'd call me early morning and he hasn't… am I wrong in feeling hurt?

  165. Our parents are eagerly waiting for us to give them the green light.. makes me wonder whether he's taking me for granted because he knows its all in the bag?… and I also feel like if this is how he's going to be after training.. what is he going to be like during deployment?
    Really really sad today.. Id kept my entire weekend free… and now I feel like a schmuck… PS- I work in England.. and he's in NC

  166. ok ladies.. Im a bit of a mess now… I haven't heard from him since Friday and I have called his cell phone several times and texted him. his parents haven't heard from him either… this is right before he goes off to SERE.. any Special Forces experts here that can tell me what their men were like before SERE…. I don't know whether he is ignoring me or whether he needs to do this because it will keep him strong for SERE to not to talk to anybody.. I am going to pieces here.. again not a deployment situation but it really hurts… maybe he's having second thoughts…..HELPP!!!

  167. Well my boyfriend just broke up with me… he was mad that I contacted the family readiness group – saying it caused problems with him. I have been with him 18 months and now am so confused. I was supposed to be listed in his file as a contact, but I guess I wasn't. And I guess he is hiding something. I don't know what else it could be. He just emailed me not even a month ago saying how he can't wait to be home and start our life together. Now he pushed me completely out of his life. I give up. I'm tired of being hurt. And I really have been having a rough year… with my mom passing away in March and now he decided to just walk out on "us". I wish you all the best and hope your guys all return home safe.

  168. gavriella | June 18, 2007 at 8:21 am |

    I am moving to be closer to my boyfriend since he has been reassigned. If he deploys, will I have access to post? Will I be able to shop there and take advantage of all of the activities without him there? It looks like there is a lot going on there and I would love to be allowed. We will obviously be living off post. We have been together for 6 years – getting married was never a priority for us.

  169. Gavriella — you should be able to get on post (it depends on the location, but it will generally involve a search of your car and perhaps signing in with the office). You'll need your driver's license, proof of insurance, and possibly registration.
    Once on, though, there's not a lot to do without a military ID. An ID is required to shop at the commissary or PX, or to be involved in any MWR (morale welfare recreation) or ACS (Army Community Services) programs.
    Good luck with the move!

  170. JodieCoyote | June 19, 2007 at 8:23 pm |

    My theory on boyfriends/ girlfriends, etc, is simple: We are ALL brothers and sisters under the Flag, loved ones of those who serve. Our FRG welcomed anyone who wanted to be involved and updated on our unit's Soldiers and their welfare — the one requirement was that in order for them to receive information, the Soldier had to sign a release (a very simple FRG contact form) allowing the FRG to pass on information just as they would to spouses, parents, or adult children.
    It is true that girlfriends tend to come and go more often than wives, but as long as the Soldier approves, those ladies should be embraced as part of the Army family. Our servicemen and women deployed around the world deserve all the love and support from "back home" that they can get — and you don't have to be married to do it.

  171. Chrissy- Really sorry to hear that.. hope you are doing ok? keep talking to us if you need any help or support and hang in there.. let us know how we can help…
    Hope everybody is doing ok….

  172. Update us Sibrin….did u ever see or hear from him before he left?

  173. Thank you… I have sent him several emails, but no response. I still don't understand what happened. One day he is telling me how much he misses me and can't wait to be home so we can start our life together… and the next he is saying he is "dissolving what we have" for my benefit and he has no time for the trouble of any kind of arrangement in his life right now… and wished me well in life. That doesn't even sound like the way he talks… it's almost as if someone was telling him what to write. We've been together 18 months and he was picking out engagement rings with me before he left for Iraq and introducing me to people as his wife. Everyone tells me it may just be stress and to be patient… but I can't help but wonder if it is something else… I mean why would he get upset by me contacting the family readiness contact (all she would have done is put me on a list with the military families to receive information on their unit). I dont' know what to do. This has been a horrible year for me. I cared for and stood beside my mom while she passed away from leukemia… and made sure I stayed in contact with him regularly (even sending him care packages for every holiday). I just wish I knew what he was thinking… or that he would email me. They are supposed to be back in the states in August.

  174. Hi Kiki,
    Yes he did call- and he had emailed me too.. I just didn't check my emails- had trouble with his phone and was really stressed out-
    Anyways, I am just in a state of calm now… maybe its before the storm :)
    I feel awful and selfish stressing on this forum when you ladies are dealing with much tougher situations but it feels good to vent here too… anyways how are you doing?
    Chrissy- You must be a very strong person for having been through all of it this year!! You could start writing and talking to him through it.. seems to help me! And maybe your friends are right in asking you to be patient- but I can understand that 'patience' becomes just another word… Maybe you should pick up a hobby- and go out and have fun (as hard as that maybe to do). I usually get out of the house when Im upset and go for a drive and blast music in my car :)
    Stay strong girl! And we are here :)

  175. Chrissy,
    You have been thru alot…and right now you need to pamper yourself and take care of you….you have been taking care of everyone else…sometimes taking a step back and seeing what happens and grows from all your work. Your boyfriend has been thru hell and back and who knows he might have Post traumatic stress, he might know it and care enough about you not to want to bring you down with him. My guy has already told me (and he has only been there since Feb) that he is going to need at least 6 months to get back into civilization after what they are experiencing over there….so maybe for now, let him go with love in hopes that if it is meant to bw with the two of you, once he gets settled back in "real" life he will find himself back to you….I wish u the best Chrissy

  176. JodieCoyote | June 22, 2007 at 1:59 pm |

    The end of any relationship is tough, especially when it comes as a suprise. I think you've gotten some good advice from Kiki. Take some time for yourself — for hobbies, for fun, for work — things that allow you to focus on yourself. Your boyfriend has made it clear that for him and for now, the relationship is over. Savor the fun times and the good memories, take whatever lessons you can learn from the experience, and move on with your life. Don't humiliate yourself by trying to contact him or "get answers." Sometimes there aren't any. Continue to be the strong, loving person you have been for the past year, but turn your energies into helping yourself heal from the emotional turmoil in your life. Just remember, a man can't know what he's lost, until it is truly gone. Perhaps if you give him time, he'll come back on his own. I wish you luck. If this guy doesn't know how good he had it, who needs him?

  177. Thank you (to all of you). I am moving on with my life… I realized this year how short life is (with the loss of my mom – who was also my very best friend). I told her before she left us that when she got "home", to send me a sign as to if my guy was being honest and really the one. And I got 2 signs (one happened the day after she died). I left the first one go because I was having such a hard time with her loss and he talked his way out of it (found out he had a site out on myspace -which is funny because I have never even looked in myspace before or even thought of looking in there- and confronted him about it… it would have been ok if it mentioned he was taken, but it wasn't that type of site). He told me his buddies did it on a drunken night and he wasn't even the one going into it, his buddy was (and one particular girl in TX was sending him messages almost every day – and it even mentioned thanks for contacting me recently from her). So I just didn't have the energy to deal with it and chose to believe him. Now this. So I believe my mom is watching out for me… and hopefully she will send a loving, caring guy my way soon. Don't get me wrong, I loved my guy… but a relationship is 2-ways, they have to return the love (and being able to trust them) in order for it to work. I wish all of you well in your relationships… and thanks for the advice. Stay strong and I hope all of your guys return home to you safely.

  178. I know i'm not a spouse and i'm just a girlfriend, but it's been so hard trying to find support for the girlfriends of deployed soldiers. I was hoping i can find some support here or if anyone has any other support site they can direct me to. I am in need of some support, i'm having a real hard time with my love one being deployed. This is the first time and i don't know how to cope with it. Most my friends and family can't understand what i'm going through, so it's hard to talk to them about anything.

  179. Hi Everyone,
    I happened to come across this site and am so happy I did. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years just left for training and will be leaving for Iraq soon. This is his first deployment and I feel like I am so alone. I love all my friends and am so happy I have them, but they just don't understand what this is like. Everything I do makes me think of him and trying to imagine going through this for another 18 months seems impossible. I love him more than anything. I guess I am just happy to see that there are in fact a lot of other girls out there in the same position. I just wanted to drop in and say hello. My thoughts are with all of you as well.

  180. Thank you everyone for the posts. So helpful to know I'm not crazy in the way I think. My bf, now of 16 months, deployed for the first time our relationship (he's in the navy) in April. It has been horrible! I was so depressed, anxious and teary (I'm not usually an emotional person) for at least two weeks BEFORE he even left! Just watching him pack was hard, let alone trying to help out with that and be positive. So here is my dillemma: I knew going into this we would not be emailing every day, because based on his previous deployments and job on the ship, he doesn't have frequent and long email access. He and his long term ex had issues because he wasn't paying her enough attention. He's great when he i s here, but he isn't the type of guy who needs to text or call 10x a day when he isn't around. However, its been over 3 weeks now since I have heard from him!!! At first my saving grace was that his ship had stopped posting updates and stories on their site, for a month. Yesterday, they put up a brief story. I have no idea whether this is normal due to security reasons, or if he is pushing me away. I've emailed him reminding him it sucks when I don't hear from him, and that I worry. I have no idea if he can even receive email now, so I'm less inclined to write.
    Any other experiences with the navy from anyone?? I don't know what to think of this situation!!!

  181. Amber,
    My guy is Coast Guard and a friend is Navy, but it doesn't matter what branch because when they're underway, don't count on hearing from them in a while. I know having a loved one in the Sand Pit is tough, but at least they have access to email and phones. When afloat, our sailors generally have access to neither. When my Coastie's family needed to reach him to tell him about a death in the family, they finally got a hold of him on the cutter's satellite phone and then he had to pay the bill.
    On another note, Coastie was suppposed to report to his new unit July 1 (finally coming home!) but got called to do another critical fill, again, and still isn't home. If he's afloat and his orders changed, he has no way to let me know. I've so been looking forward to him coming home but now it looks like that's not going to happen anytime soon. I hate not knowing what's going on.

  182. CstzGrl, thanks for your input. It made me feel better to hear that coming from a stranger, rather then friends and family who are trying to make me feel better. Hopefully I'll hear something from him in the next week…
    Not knowing what is going on is the worst. I don't know about you, but I can think up 1000 solutions to any problem (most of them crazy, but thats beside the point) such as why I'm not hearing from him. This sucks!! I'm not military, so its so hard to understand why someone doesn't have a phone on their desk at work that they can use.
    Hopefully you will hear from your guy and get a date soon for his return. How long have you been going through this?

  183. Amber – I've been dealing with this now for almost 4 years. At least I fully knew what I was getting into, but that still doesn't make it any easier. I know what you mean about not knowing. I drive myself crazy thinking of every possible scenario. I finally heard from him yesterday – got a brief (I mean less than 20 words) email saying that he should be home this weekend.
    As hard as it is, you have to hang in there because we have to be the strong ones when they do contact us. The last thing they need is to be distracted by worrying about us at home. I don't think it's gotten any easier, but sharing with other people who do understand has really helped, especially those in this discussion. We are not alone in dealing with this.

  184. CstzGrl, its awesome you may get a visit this weekend!!
    A friend called yesterday who's b/f is in the navy on a different ship, but knows people on my b/f's ship. Apparently he's been hearing from them, so I don't know why I'm not getting any email :( Does everyone aboard the ship get the same priveleges and access? Her call was so depressing. This extreme lack of communication is so draining.
    Thanks again for your input. Amazing you've been doing it for so long! You have a great attitude about the situation also. I don't mind being strong and supportive, but I have to know how he is faring, or get some response to know my efforts are appreciated.

  185. Hello ladies,
    I wanted to post a question for you all…my situation is a little difficult b/c I don't get along with his family b/c they don't think "I'm right" for him or whatever…we're an interracial couple and both of us are Army… however, since we're not married (I didn't want to marry him to avoid his family saying I was only after his "benefits") I'm worried that if "something" happened I wouldn't have any rights to know about anything… I shared this with him and asked him to make me a medical power of attorney so that he could make sure I was with him even if his mom/sister didn't want me to be… he seemed torn b/c he thought that would hurt his mom/sis, but he's doing it anyway… they're really mean and I'm afraid they wouldn't let me see him and keep me at arms length… was that too much to ask? He's leaving in a week and I'm kinda freaking out (internally) now…

  186. Amber, I have friends in the navy and I'm sorry to say that not everyone has the same priviledges… it depends on your job actually. In my job I always have to be online and around computers so is easy for me to "sneak" personal time in… for him it might not be so easy and when we deploy if we do something wrong the first thing to go is our "extra communication" priviledges… ie phone, internet (and for the navy)port visits… I would suggest you occupy your time somehow and send him lots of real mail/packages… that's the one thing that's never taken away… and if he's confined to quarters he could always write… Do tell him that you miss him and that you treasure every time you get an email or phone call from him (however short) by praising him you'd get more time than if you nag… besides sometimes my friends don't call b/c they don't think they have enough "time" let him know is ok to call for 1 or 2mins… that you appreciate it the same way… send him writing stationary for him to "use" and b-day, holiday,blank cards that he could send to anyone… when you see his family w/ cards you picked you'd know he was thinking/thanking you while using them… hang on to the little things… it'd help you get thru the long deployments… my bf is going for 15 mths.. I don't know exactly how I'm getting through it… I do know that I'm gonna try to stay busy and away from "tempting situations" if you know what I mean… I'm in my late 20's but I still feel pressured by other girls and other guys not to "wait" for him and that I'm "wasting my time/youth" on him… they don't get it…

  187. btw…we've been together for 3 yrs… I was expecting a proposal this year, but what I got was the panicked proposal…which I declined… I don't want him to marry me b/c he thinks he's gonna die… I'm willing to wait for "the real" one… and that's what I told him… he seemed disappointed but "understood"… we'd see…

  188. heey girls! its me sarah, im back! In response to Amber, my BF is in the Navy, we are going through deployment right now. He is on the Nimitz, CVN 68. Its been gone since April, and believe me it has been the most tumultuous 3 months of my life. He has been hot cold, love you, dont miss you, dont see us together, can't live without you. It changes weekly and I have just learned to roll with the punches. I don't let it get to me as bad when he is having a tough time and has doubts. These girls on here give the greatest advice, espeicially everytime I was on here crying :)
    You have to live your life, and stop checking email every 30 minutes to see if he has written. Its not healthy. My mental health literally suffered the first two months after he left. I was waking up at 3 am to check email, and I could see the evolution of him becoming cold, distant and focused completely on his job. I think that is definitely one of the things we have to deal with as girlfriends, and give them space, (as if you have much choice, right!) and they will appreciate you all the more. Love you girls, lets stick together. Because its definitely rough times ahead and we are the only ones who understand our situation right?
    PS loved the Navy girlfriend poem posted

  189. And ANDREA… love your post. My friends give me the same crap that I am wasting my time. they try to give me all these horrible statistics of men cheating in port etc etc, it makes me mad. They don't understand him, or us for that matter. I like to give them statistics like divorce rates because people don't communicate or get to know their partner before they marry them, like they have done. Our only form with these guys is communication, and if we can make it with no touching or intimacy, trust me, we know our men. If we didn't, we wouldnt be putting up with this. This is a decision we have made, that not everyone understands, thats for sure.

  190. Welcome back Sarah!! How have things been going lately?? I agree with you regarding communication. My guy and I are using this time to ask each other "The hard questions" like for example, what are ur 3 biggest insecurities and how do they affect relationships, to financial questions to family/children questions,. etc., to see how compatible we really are. As you all know about your men that u have the chemistry and u like each other….it is a good time to really get to know what makes ur man tick, whats important to him and if u really are compatible….they have tons of thinking to do over there, so I so get a chuckle out of some of the questions I get asked…it actually impresses me that he thinks the way he does!! So girls, take advantage of this time instead of making urself crazy…USE THE TIME WISELY….you won't regret it!! It will help u to get your answers if he is the one for u….Hang in there!!

  191. Sarah, our guys are on the same ship!! I hear what you're saying about keeping busy and I do that, but its so hard. Weekends are the worst. If I'm home doing nothing, I miss him. If I'm away for the weekend and not miserable, I feel kinda guilty and wonder if my feelings have changed. Then I get back home and miss him :P So weird.
    Well, turns out my guy is being transferred home. Getting the position was a longshot, and apparently he didn't know how to tell me, so in his great wisdom he ignored me for a month in the process of doing it. He says he still cares, he doesn't know what this means or where it will go, etc. I go from being upset he isn't coming back and didn't feel like he could tell me right away, to being pissed. He is going home to be closer to his 5 year old, so I can't argue that. However, the way he has been handling this situation isn't great. We're still talking, and right now the hard part is getting email every few days (same as before this all came up); which is hard when you want to get your feelings out, over and dealth with. Boys are such trouble makers sometimes…
    Anyway, so thats what has been going on with me the past couple weeks. He needs to get settled in his new job and home before I'd even think of following him across the country, so we'll see where this brings us. I've pointed out to him that this email time we have is the golden opportunity to talk about anything, and know that he can with me. I'll keep you posted on this one…
    In the meantime, I have no interest in dating, or being tangled up in another relationship. So stressful! We haven't finished the talk of where things stand, so its not right to do yet anyway, but I'm not looking forward to it if it comes down to that.
    How are things for everyone else right now?

  192. My guy and I are not 'together' anymore— came back from really stressful mock prisoner of war training and realized that he couldnt be in a relationship… needed to figure things out for himself…said he wanted to be friends and see where things went and said he'd call but haven't heard from him in a week. So much for waiting for him for 3 months…Ive given up on relationships.. I know its a bit harsh but atleast I can't get hurt right?

  193. Sibrin, how long were you with him? It sucks waiting for someone and then things don't work out, but rejection is better than regret. At least you tried. I'm still hoping tings b/w me and my guy work out, but if they don't I have one heck of a dry spell coming up! I'm just tired of dating. He is such a good match for me that I know its going to be hard to find someone with the same package. So many bad guys out there make it hard too. Don't give up though! Take a break, but you'll be ready again some day. Easier said than done, but a life alone sounds so miserable. Just invest in your interests now and keep busy with that.

  194. Oh man do I agree with Amber… is better to have loved and waited, than to live years with regret… that's what happened to me and my bf… the first time, we went our separate ways b/c his kids. What was I supposed to say to that? 4.5 yrs later we got reunited by chance and 6 mths after that we separated b/c of MY kids… he was conflicted, then I was conflicted… 3.2 years ago we decided that we rather be conflicted together… LOL… I think we've done great… Now I'm waiting again…but in different terms…
    Like Kiki said…we've used our time "separated" by distance not choice to remind each other of what it would be like when we're together fulltime again… I ask him "deep" questions, that I would probably never ask in person… now we're closer than ever… I made sure to spell out my expectations during the deployment and tried to be really sweet about it… it seemed he was really touchy about everything and I wanted to chooose my fights very carefully for things he couldn't twist as "neurotic"… like the medical PA stuff… everything else, I let slide and decided it wasn't as important to me as keeping us together… when I calmed down and he knew what was expected of him, everything seemed to fall into place… He left last Thursday… and both of us still talking about that last week… it was amazing… even things with his mom has smoothed out b/c I made an effort to keep her informed when he called me at 2am but she had her cel phone off (???!!!).. I also helped her setting up the IM so that if she's online he could "see" her… she was very happy when that night I wasn't on, but she was, and got to "talk" to him…she told me all about it in an email right after… maybe waiting for that wedding was the best idea after all… good luck girls… I will keep you posted… btw, his in Kuwait right now… he'll be in Iraq sometime next week…God may help us all Keep our sanity…LOL…

  195. Andrea – I'm glad things worked out between the two of you and especially with his mom who now sounds like an ally. As for me, I'd settle for any conversation with my guy at this point. He was supposed to be home a few weeks ago, then I got a brief email that he'd be home in another week. Then I got another email saying that it might not be until October. That was my only contact with him in the past two months. He's already been gone for over year. My friends don't understand, and some milspouses have essentially told me to stop whining and deal with it. But that's the difference, isn't it? As a spouse, they have the security that we lack. So now I'm worried because I haven't heard anything. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of hearing my friends rattle on about "what else did you expect getting involved with someone in the military?" I'm just not willing to give up on him. But sometimes I feel so alone. At least reading through these posts helps. It does help me keep my sanity.

  196. CstzGrl, I'm sure you have already figured out that most people do not think before they speak. Yeah, people ran out of sympathy FAST with me! I'm not even a whiny person, but no one could really understand my wanting to be with someone who is temporarily gone. Guys at work especially were not impressed. Maybe thats a guy thing in general, because if girls were the ones being deployed, I'm not sure many of us would have anyone waiting :P Not hearing anything is so brutal because in the civilian world we've come to know the unwritten rules of relationships, like the 2-day call rule, etc. Thats still what I'm having a hard time dealing with. I know my guy (doesn't have his transfer dates yet) will not be here long when he does get back, but even if he was moving back we were together 24/7. Calling eachother soon as we got in from work, having every dinner together, etc. Now its so hard to tell if its an email access issue, or whether you're being ignored. If he was here and a day went by without a call I would know something is up. You have no way of knowing that with a deployed guy, and have to trust him more than ever, that he does care and will call. Despite all this craziness, I was surprised to find myself saying "I know he wouldn't do that to me" that being just never write or be heard from again, like a cheap one night stand or something. It still sucks playing the waiting game. The waiting and not having any clues to think about game! Like you said, at least reading these posts helps :) Keep me posted.

  197. oops! CstzGrl… the "hang in there" messages were meant for you… the "I'm sorry" messages were meant for Sibrin… sorry for the confusion…

  198. Amber:
    That was a great posting about the "unspoken relationship rules"… why do they feel they have permission to break it when they're deployed? is beyond me! they're not "working" 24/7 even if they're infantry (which is the most dangerous of the "normal" military jobs). So if he can't get email/phone… there's ALWAYS snail mail… good old fashioned USPS! I would tell you that 2 mnths with no commo and then only short emails "delaying" his return aren't acceptable…
    The worse feeling is that we can't really "demand" anything b/c the easy thing for them to do is break up with us…
    HOWEVER, we can "suggest" nicely… send him a care package with blank post cards/note cards/ sticky's/ PRE ADDRESSED TO YOU envelopes (LOL)/ different color pens/ stationary etc… tell him that you "miss him soo much" when you don't hear from him that you're willing to "accept" USPS (LOL, like we have a choice) and that you hope these make it "easier for him"…
    Make is sound like a joke btwn you two, but also put down that although you don't expect "daily" emails/letters, it'd be nice to be surprised once in a while… they don't need stamps when they have an APO address, so that's good. Ask for their address and when you don't get response to your emails, print them out and send them snail mail… I can assure you we may not have internet/phone, but we get our mail regardless of where we are…
    DO make sure you send it all in some type of waterproof bag (ziplocks are the best) and send different sizes ziplocks bags so that he could take part of his "stash" with him all the time… use one of the bags to send a picture of the two of you (or "doctor" a new one up in photoshop doing something "fun")… they like showing US off… if he's close to his family, send him a picture (or a collage of all of U) of them too… is a very touchy gesture b/c it lets them know you care about THEM as a WHOLE PACKAGE deal… and that you're not selfish b/c you even get things about his family w/out him asking…
    Speaking of which… DON'T call his family to ask about him unless you were introduced before he left… if his family tells him that you were around, it may backfire on you (depending on the guy)…
    One thing I did was to get him a B-day card for his son, (b-day early Aug like mine) and gave it to him b4 he left… told him that he may not have a place to buy one and it would be nice for the kid to get one from him… it seemed to touch him b/c his eyes were watery (although I don't think he'd ever admit it)… his actual words were: OMG baby! why would you do that?… I said b/c his boy would be really happy to hear from his Dad… and thinking about J smiling on his b-day (or around), made me think of him smiling while he sent it and so I would be smiling that day too…
    If we do get married, (and even now that we aren't) our job is not only to keep him happy, but keep him feeling as if he has a place that he "belongs" to… other than work… keep him involved in the daily things that happen… not asking him to fix it, but telling him how you're thinking of "fixing it" and that you'd appreciate any ideas he may have on that subject…
    We're also "the buffers" of information between him and his family, since sometimes we get his commmunication, but his time is limited so nobody else did… when he finally calls "home" and his mom/sister/brother/father tell him what a good job you've been doing of keeping them informed his "guilt" (b/c he called u and not them) would be lifted and he's gonna feel proud of you… (again make sure you were given the OK to do this)
    Hopefully we've all gotten over our "hump" and things would finally work out…
    WOW… another crazy long post… what's come over me today?? LOL… I've really gotta go til tomorrow… My morning is gone!! yeepee!!

  199. Amber and Andrea – thank you. You made me realize that I have put my life on hold waiting for him to come home, and that all I've been doing is waiting for any contact from him. You're absolutely right – I need to go on with my life and when he does get in touch, it will be a pleasant surprise. I've been journaling every night as my version of the "angry letter" (boy, if he ever read it he'd really know how pissed off I was!) and that helps get the frustration out. The family thing isn't an option – he hasn't spoken to them in years. Good mailing tips – I'd love to be able to send him something snail mail, but I don't even know where he is. He was "diverted" to another assignment so my only assumption is that he's afloat somewhere. But you're right – there's no reason why HE can't send something snail mail. Now if only people would stop asking me if he's home yet…

  200. I’m so ssorry CstzGrl…. I guess sometimes that happens with any new relationship, just that it hurts us more b/c we’ve sacrificed so much more… I’ve been there and I know your heart must be so broken. Write him a letter and tell him goodbye. At least you’d get it all out of your system and will be able to move on if that’s what you’re meant to do…write 2 letters…one in which you lovingly say goodbye, you tell him how disappointed you are that all your plans would not include him anymore (now tell him ALL the things you were planning to do when he came back, if you had no plans make up some)… then how much you loved him (past tense)and how you understand blah blah blah, emphasize all the “good” parts of your relationship, say things like “remember this” and send back EVERYTHING you ever kept about you two… then write an angry letter…a “how could you” type of letter (or write that one first if it helps with the other)… keep the angry one…send him the loving one… I think it might help you… it helped me…
    For me after time passed, we saw we were meant to be together…maybe that would happen to you…maybe it won’t… either way you won’t have all the memories to dwell on and you would know you did everything right… one warning though…if you go back with him, you have to learn to love him again for who he has become…not who he was when you “first” started going out… everytime they go somewhere, they come back a “little” lets say… different… you have to be the strong one… the one to remind them, that no matter what they’re still the one you love… that they don’t have to tell you what happened at work… that whatever it is… IS WORK!! is not who they are… they’re still gonna be a little “off”… PLEASE, act like you don’t notice… I think it bothers me when people ask me “whats wrong” 15 times a day and I can’t tell them… just pretend for a while… he’ll come around…read a lot of the pamphlets meant for spouses (readjustment periods, deployment etc)… talk to a chaplain…they’d talk to you even if you’re not a “spouse”… I got all these tidbits from them…
    Sometimes you just have to let them go… You’re right that the “spouses” have the “safety” marriage affords, but they’re not entirely “safe”…they go through the same cycles or worse b/c they stand to loose their lifestyle, is not easy going back to civilian life after being around military… I’ve tried and it doesn’t work…
    Ladies…WE have to learn to turn the tables on THEM!! If he knows that he “better” get back to you otherwise “HE” could loose “YOU”… you’ve got them (and by the way this should apply with any man)… it should NEVER be about “YOU” afraid of loosing “THEM”… it should be the other way around!!!… you’re the one HERE!! they’re in the middle of nowhere far far away… YOU have to learn to remind them that you have a life and that you “choose” to share it with him, but he’s not the only one out there for you and your life doesn’t revolve around him… the moment he fears loosing you, that’s when tables turn and the communication from him starts getting better… keep them on their toes… they sure keep us in ours…
    I think that’s what changed things for me the last few weeks… I quit worrying about what he was gonna do or not do, and I started talking about all the things “I” was gonna be doing while he was gone… concentrating on getting ready for “that” while being “supportive enough” of his stuff, but not “COMPLETELY vested in it”… I realized I had stopped living b/c “he was going”… “WHY SHOULD I?” is what I asked myself… suddenly “HE” was the one asking “ME” questions as to “with whom I’ll be doing this” and “if I was gonna be home when he called” etc very cute to see HIM worry for once… I just said, well if I’m home great, if I’m not, I’ll talk to you next time sweetie… I’ve been doing that too… he’s called 3x’s and I’ve only been able to talk once… I was at the movies and turned off my phone the 2nd time and got a massage and turned off my phone yesterday!!… hell YES, I felt guilty! but I’m not the one away from the world… don’t let them KNOW they’re your everything… even if all through the movie I thought he would love it (transformers LOL) and even if through the whole massage I thought how it would end if he was the one massaging me…LOL… I put that in an email for him later and he LOVED IT!! LOL…
    Don’t stay by the phone or the computer all day waiting either… have your email text you when you have a msg and that way you won’t feel so “guilty” n “disconnected”… or better yet, tell him you are only gonna check email twice a day and stick to it!!… I’m telling you ladies…it works… they like working for their affections too… b/c in reality…”THEY” fear loosing “YOU” as much as “YOU” fear loosing “THEM”…
    I know that these won’t help you feel any better at the moment…and I’m sorry… but at least it may help others.
    AGAIN… KEEP the “angry” letter!! b/c those words you can’t “take back” and who knows… never be the one to disrespect, if he does is on him, not you… that seems desperate too…
    You don’t want him back out of his guilt for YOUR waiting…
    The truth is WE wait b/c we love them… WE wait b/c WE choose to… and it is their lost if they don’t see it… maybe next time he won’t find someone that would wait n will tell him she’s not “going thru this”… maybe he NEEDS to receive a “dear John” letter from someone else before he could appreciate someone like you (US)…
    WE are one in million…no matter what happens with him, don’t YOU forget THAT… WE can endure separation, the possibility of death… WE even turn a blind eye/ear when rumor ville starts going on about how he “may be cheating”… ALL WITHOUT THE SECURITY BLANKET OF MARRIAGE!!!
    WE are strong women… that’s why we can be military “significant others”… WE AREN’T JUST “girlfriends”… most times we act as “defacto” wives… so don’t worry about him…if it’s meant to be, he’ll come back… if not… at least you know it was not b/c you were weak… You were the strong one…
    Let’s make some rules and hold them to it!! is one thing to be flexible/understanding of their communication limitation and quite another to let them walk all over us!
    it’s one thing to agree to be “their ray of sunshine” and another to let them be OUR “daily rain storm”… In this communication age, there’s no excuse for weeks without info… use snail mail if nothing else is avail… that’s my back up and WHENEVER it gets to him (or me) at least I know what’s going on…
    I’m gonna keep posting even though my guy has been “keeping his end of the bargain”… perhaps my positive experience can help others… besides I can’t share with him the countdown b/c it seems so damn far away… it’s ONLY been 5 days…good Lord! it seems like a month… and I have 14 more months! of this crap unless a miracle happens in congress!
    WOW! this is a long long post… I didn’t mean to rattle on like this, but I guess a lot of the frustrations I’ve been keeping inside have come out…
    All of you… feel free to email me directly if you need a friend and nobody else understands… God knows, I’m trying not to feel lonely….TTL

  201. Why does my advice sound so good but I can't take it? Seriously, explain to me why this lack of communication is still so upsetting to me, even knowing my guy is being transferred out soon after his return? Its like I want to hurry up and break up, so we could move on to the friends part. Not knowing SUCKS!! I don't even know how he'd feel if I went on a date tonight (not that I want to). It sucks missing him and trying to pretend I don't. I hate losing at anything! Its easy to tell someone to keep busy, and when I'm at work I'm fine, but soon as I'm out, I can't wait to get home to check email. Its pathetic!
    I did the stationary/self addressed stamped envelopes thing a couple weeks ago. He should be getting the package any day now, unless he has and hasn't had the courtesy to say thank you (which would be unlike him). I'll let you know his reaction on that. I had a good time being so sarcastic with it tho :P I even wrote him a letter to show him how it was done. No real point to this email, other than I like what Andrea said about pretending you don't miss him, and making plans but being somewhat secretive about them. But, like my own advice to people, I think such things are easier said than done. Too afraid of rejection I guess…Just had a long day at work and I find I'm extra down on such days. These are the work days where I would be miserable until I saw him, and then he would melt that away. You could imagine how lack of email upsets that even more. Hope everyone else is coping better :)

  202. In response to Sarah (a bunch of posts back) how do you "learn to roll with the punches" when you're guys feelings and words are changing? How are you content still giving him your all when he is having doubts? How do you comfortably/confidently maintain your relationship status at these times? I think guys are just more laid back with relationships overall. I doubt any of them would get up at 3am to check email from us. Check the latest sport stats or play some video games and have a beer maybe…:P

  203. Cstzgrl, you need to know where he's at… is not acceptable to be moved and not tell you where he is or how to get in touch w/ him in case of an emergency… is downright rude if he "expects" you to be here waiting for him… they wouldn't/shouldn't do that to their wife, so why would they do that to us? they should owe us at the very least the ability to communicate with them…

  204. Amber, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this… yes, it’s hard and unfortunately sometimes relationships don’t work… I can definitely relate with the “hurry up and break up w me” phase… you don’t want to be the one to give up b/c it “feels” wrong. I think you should be honest with him about your feelings and how tired you are and just let him go already… for your sanity…
    It takes two to have a “relationship”… if he understands that you love him, but there’s two (or whatever applies to you) “deal breaker” rules, if he loves you and wants to keep you happy he’d try and follow… if he doesn’t well…you’re in for a world of hurt… OR you’d have to reevaluate if he’s worth all the hassle. (b/c there are others that are worth it and would gladly “take a moment of their day” to keep you happy)…
    I like that you at least tried one more time, but I’m afraid he doesn’t sound too close to you at the moment… Hope I’m wrong.
    You’re absolutely right in that most advice is easier said than done… so far for me is easier b/c I haven’t had to “question” his time management…yet…
    But If you’re not doing anything but work and check email, you’d have nothing to talk about on the phone… or on email… conversations would become sets of “uncomfortable silences” and who looks forward to that?
    Go ahead and feel guilty you’re out having fun…(but if you’re exclusive no dating!) even tell him about feeling guilty, but go out anyway… tell him to do the same… I get extremelly jealous when I hear he went here or there… but I never tell him unless it “sounds” fishy… I encourage him to go out w/ his boys take lots of pictures and tell me all about it… am I ok with that? no, not really… but what’s the alternative? HE WILL LIE. I couldn’t expect him to stay in all day… I think b/c I wasn’t so “demanding” he’s been more willing to share on his “adventures” over the years and it got easier for me to “go out” myself and tell him about it… I took pictures at the club all barbied up… at the skating rink…rollerblading or bicycle riding at the park…minigolf or just taking my lunch outside and sneaking a beer..LOL.. We’ve had “virtual dates” in which we’re watching the same movie the “same night” and then we email each other about it after… he talks about his “buddies” male or female and I talk about mine… he likes to hear me talk about my friends/gossip and when we’re together he likes to do many of the things I usually do w/out him.
    I think it all boils down to “fear”… if we “feel” his love/devotion, we wouldn’t have a problem w/ separation… is when the “idle” times come that life becomes a “bit*h” to be apart and you start “wondering” and “doubting”…
    Put yourself in his shoes… how would you feel if you got a letter, two emails, txt msgs etc from him everyday? is nice at first… but then is exhausting to “keep up” with…
    Lets try and be realistic here… The less he has..the more he wants…if he has it all… you’re gonna be taken for granted… one letter (or two) a day… one package every two weeks or so…if that…that’s it!! It’s hard to control yourself… but that’s why there’s a “draft” folder…
    If his “single/unattached” friends (which are the worse scum of the earth sometimes) think he’s “whiped” by you, they’ll start pushing for him to “go out and have fun”… but if you already “don’t care” if he has fun, there’s no much they can say for him to “DO” that you “frown upon”…boys would be boys… but if he wants to keep u…he better not slip… I would forgive once or twice, but I won’t be “used and abused”. A thing to be remembered only when he needs me/ feels lonely/ has nothing better to do… is a give/take… otherwise all the giving is draining and you’d eventually resent him…
    I can withstand many things even lack of communication IF he tells me in advance that’s what’s gonna happen… but weeks and weeks? no..I’ve got standards… you all should have standards too…
    We are much to good to be taken for granted… A relationship means sacrifices in both ends…not one sided…
    I know is not what a lot of you like to hear, but it is what’s worked for me so far… stand your ground, support them, be proud, be happy, but don’t let them (or any man for that matter) use and abuse your niceness…
    Why does it seem like many of us are afraid of losing them? we are nice, intelligent, well adjusted women… they should be afraid of losing us too!
    That’s a relationship in the military or anywhere… that’s what “rolling w/ the punches” means to me… you have good days and you have bad days. Whether that’s under the same roof or 15K miles apart, it still applies… but the “unbreakable” rules stay the same regardless… I tell him is his way of “giving me respect” and “showing me how much he loves me”… he seems proud to say “I wrote to you today”… like that’s a big deal… but I make it seem that way to him… Good luck girls… pray that tomorrow will be a better day..

  205. Andrea, he said he didn't even know where he was going, which means he probably couldn't tell me. I'm learning from longtime milspouses that this is not unusual – unknown location and lack of communication seem to go hand in hand – so I'm living MY life again. If I really get desperate I suppose I could contact the ombudsman and track him down that way.
    We are strong, independent women capable of living our own meaningful lives and when we do hear from our men, we should just consider that a bonus, right? We need to live for ourselves and not for them. That needs to be our mantra. Okay, now that I wrote it, maybe I can do it and so can you all.

  206. Y'all make me cry!
    My Bf and I stooped a year long long distance relaship, be for he left for some where out side Kabul. I am still the love of his life as he is mine. But with two bad Devices and the lost of his step-kids. I cant blame him for putting up walls.
    The problem now is I am alone, I am 26 and Back in school. I am every ones Mama , but I have no one to talk too. No one wants to hear about the war or your fear. All I have is care packs, and now I have over done that. How can 30 guys in the middle of know where not eat ? Today He said there not eating!!! They don't want too!? I am more scared than I have been for the past 5 months, And I have 10 more to go. Now He is telling me It may be more like a another 12!
    I don't know if I can keep this veneer up for 2 years. God some one tell me its worth it.

  207. Dear everyone,
    It's been a while since I posted here, but I just came back and read some of the recent emails and the thing standing out in my mind is how as women we all seem to have this innate sense of being loving and devoted. It makes me proud but also sad. Sad because I know all too well what it is like to be checking email every second, to be making calculations in your head and trying to figure out the right way to say something so that he misses you but without being too forceful, since men seem to feel crowded and backed into a corner so often. It is sad that we are always trying to hold our affection back for fear that it will backfire on us. These men seem to have it so easy, at least emotionally. They are doing their missions and "being men", and here we are loving them and wanting them and being afraid of losing them. When WE are the ones with all the freedom and choices!! It is true like some of you said, THEY should be afraid to lose US, not the other way around!
    My guy and I met only a couple months before his deployment, and we only got together literally a few days before he was activated for training. But that was followed by a few months of emails and constant daily text messaging and a couple visits too. But before he left he was always calling me "baby" and "honey" and saying how he cared for me– a couple weeks before his deployment he cut all of that out and stopped calling me in these affectionate terms. Which killed me, because still we were in touch with eachother and then he visited right before he left, but for us girls we know how important words like that are to signal what role we play in their lives. He had said that he could not do a long distance relationship while on deployment because the burden would be too much to bare for both of us. So maybe in his military, ultra-efficient mind that also means to stop treating me like a lover or girlfriend and calling me honey and saying he misses me? But to me it seems like such an abrupt turnaround, most of the evolution into being close with eachother happened over long distance, so what is the difference if he is long distance on an army base in America, or thousands of miles away in Afghanistan?? Men seem to have it so much easier, to live day-by-day and not to be troubled with all this thinking and thinking and thinking that so easily turns to anguish. All we want to do is love them but we feel like we have to hold back in order to keep them. It is so frustrating, isn't it!! I feel like this person is my perfect match, I try so much to live each day with him out of my mind, to go about my life and forget him and know that if he comes back and comes to find me that it will happen naturally if he feels the same. But any man in his 20's I think wants to taste as much of the world as he can, including all the women in it. One of my biggest fears is that in the end it can be useless to be beautiful and sexy and intelligent, because there are beautiful and sexy and intelligent women in every city and town in every country on earth. As women, even if we can "get" a lot of men, still it seems like we just want that one man to devote ourselves to and to love and cherish and take care of. I have always been independent and strong but I am amazed to see these traditional "feminine" qualities coming out of me….nothing would make me happier than to have this man be with me forever, and to love him with as much love as I have in me. I have always been sort of "feminist" in thinking, but I can't help but feel that I would be completely fulfilled just to devote myself to him. Anyway, I am sorry to ramble on, mostly I was just touched at the mix of love and stress all of you are feeling. I've always thought it is so difficult to be a woman because the things that are our strengths, like caring and loving and being very thoughtful and reflective, actually work against us because we are dealing with men who don't reciprocate these things as easily, or who operate on a much more action-oriented mode, so we are always having to hold ourselves back to match them. It would be so wonderful if they could be as excited and happy to have us loving them as we are to love them. I think that patience is the biggest virtue, because any man will eventually realize the value of having one good woman to love him and make a life together. But men take so much longer to mature, even though they are off in these dangerous countries doing dangerous things and living rugged lifestyles, I think they still have so much youth to them…it is like they are out there wanting to have adventures and "be men", and we have to wait here in America in agony, waiting for them to come down to earth and want to truly have us and commit to us. I hope all of you will get better and better at the waiting game, and that your men will all love you and open to you and not be afraid. xoxo

  208. My BF is deploying to Iraq in 9 days. I have never been around or dated a military man, so I am really losing it. He is completely disconnecting from me. Im freaking out because, Im like HELLO!!!! your leaving in 9 Days, what the heck? Im not close with his family or have any friends in the military, so I dont know what to expect. The other night he went to play poker. I asked him if he could go later so we can spend some time and said he’s “Im going to play poker” and hung up. ARRRGHH!!

  209. Im a gf of a Navy Corpsman , my guy just left yesterday for his 1st deployment ,and mine too , i can't explain my feelings right now they are so crazy i miss him and understand but at the same time feel like im in denial that he has left, i don't know if it's because we really only spent weekends together and thats when its going to hit me but it's driving me crazy , then again i have been crying and worrying about this since may , is it possible that i have some what prepared myself…?

  210. Most of you are young enough to be my daughters. I am in the same boat and on my second deployment. Last year in Iraq and now in Greenland. It does not matter where they are deployed…we all still Love them. You just need to make up your mind whether you are willing to put your life on hold and stand beside them. The one thing I can say is that you need to Demand respect. We know they have lots going on but they need to treat you right! With all of that said. You all need to make your own decisions but I think if you dig deep in your hearts… you love them and they love you and they are SCARED…so stand by them!!! Mg

  211. MG – you are so right. Despite the hurt, aggravation, silence, worry, and other myriad emotions that sweep over us in a moment's notice (such as bursting into tears for no apparent reason), if we truly love them, then we wait, however impatiently. Look at the bigger picture – what's a few months compared to a lifetime together when he's finally home? That's what keeps me going.

  212. Reading through these posts made me even sadder than when I went online to try to find some answers or some kind of support environment for my dilemma. Now I see, that as sad as it is, there are so many of us in this situation.
    My bf is a reservist, both of us are in our mid-forties. I'm not familiar with military life and never really expected him to be deployed. He left for Iraq four weeks ago, I have heard from him once, three weeks ago, and by now feel really anxious and desperate for some news, phonecall, an email, or just something…
    We only had about 2 1/2 weeks notice of his deployment, and everyone can probably imagine that it is hard for a man with an established career, 4 school age children from a previous marriage and a home, to turn his whole life around in that period of time. We did not have much time together before he had to leave, but we did have some very good talks, about our relationship, but also other issues connected with employment and I feel strong and committed to stay the course. My personal plan is to spend the time of his deployment to achieve some of my own goals, finish part time studies that I had started, seriously de-clutter my home :), treat myself to some quality time out by myself or with friends…
    Already after 4 weeks I realize that I'm going to have times like this evening, melt downs because I feel lonely and scared most of all, because I haven't heard anything.
    Reading through these posts I realize that I'm not alone, that there are others that are going through the same. And a real eye opener was to read that 3 weeks without communication was a relatively short period of time, compared to what others had to deal with.
    I write emails, trying to stay upbeat. I can't call him and have no mailing address, because everything happened so fast there was no time for "details" of that sort. He didn't even know how long he was going to be deployed for. This lack of information seems incomprehensible to me, but then, I'm not familiar with how the military works, but suppose that I am in the process of becoming very familiar.
    Most of all, I think I just needed to "vent", but I want all of you that share this situation with me to know, that I'm thinking of you, as well.
    I will check back and read posts and post! Keep your heads up, everyone, and hang in there.

  213. Hey girls!
    we aren't lagging on our updates are we?! I will admit I have been a little distracted lately. But the good news is that Justin will be back next month, and I get to see him for two whole weeks :) :) :)
    But then he leaves again :(
    Such is life I suppose. Communication has gotten better and more reliable, and I try not to think about the future as much as I used to. How are you all doing? A good distraction for me has been getting another dog, talk about keeping busy, wow. Well keep up the posts and tell us all how you are doing. I look forward to hearing from you all. Love Sarah

  214. Hi I am an army girlfriend too and very new to this. My boyfriend and I have been talking since January and then we started our relationship basically the moment we finally met at the end of May in the airport haha.
    He will be deploying for Iraq in a week or two. There's no exact date yet. We love each other very much. He is so afraid I will leave him while he is deployed. This is also his first deployment. We have had a long distance relationship from the start, him in NY, me in VA. But we have met up to be with each other as much we could.
    Our relationship is like marriage without the rings. We have talked about the future a lot. But he doesn't want us to move too fast. But in doing so he is so afraid I am going to leave him. I was just with him for my last time, until his 18 days in april, a week ago. Its so hard on me, and its not getting easier.
    He is always telling me how much he appreciates me for being there on the phone everyday while he was in ait, that I have helped him through so much. And he has told me that since he met me he wishes he hadn't joined the army, he doesn't want to deploy.
    I am trying to stay strong but I am not feeling it anymore. I break down and cry by myself just thinking of the 15 months without him. I am going to wait for him, there is no doubt, I love him very much and I don't want to be with anyone else ever. So I know these 15 months coming is going to be so hard and lonely. If there is anyone that would like to talk I would appreciate it, I feel so alone. My email is

  215. Jessica, as you can see from the posts, having them is away seems harder on us than them. This discussion thread has been a comfort to me so I keep checking back.
    Sarah, great news that he's coming home on leave!
    Okay, so I haven't been so good with the updates but that's because I haven't had any. I got a very brief email from my guy at the beginning of August and no word since. That makes 3 emails in 3 months. Latest return date looks like the end of October, but who knows when he's actually coming back. I just have to keep waiting. Until then, I've been burying myself at work and focusing on school.

  216. So, I have a question!! My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, and have been through quite a lot together, including other deployments (Army). He always sends me loving emails, and we're able to talk about everything. Then, out of the blue, I didn't hear from him for a week, and then I got a "Dear Jane" email 2 days ago. He apparently doesn't want to be in a serious relationship anymore, and he's naming other extremely lame reasons to not be with me. Did this happen to any of you?? He has done this to me in the past, during deployment, so I wasn't sure if it was just him, or "Army Mentality." I don't know if he's pushing me away deliberately, so he won't hurt me, or maybe he just doesn't want to be with me, which I don't really believe, because we have such a strong bond. It's strange, because he told me 2 weeks ago how he wanted a future with me, and now he says he doesn't want one at all. He has severed all contact with me, which really is bizarre. What happens to these guys over there??

  217. Hey ladies. We opened a new thread for you. Check it out and let us know how we can better support you:

  218. I dont want to drag this on, Im not sure if this is even the right place to be displaying my story. I've been married to my husband retired Army for 27 yrs. When we met he had just become medicaly retired. I never experienced the pain, loss, lonelyness & worry that you all have. My problem began years ago. We havent seperated in the terms of living under the same roof. In every other way we have. 1 yr ago I met an Army Srg. who had just returned from his 2nd ture in Iraq.(15 months). When he returned his wife met him with " I don't love you any more I'm with your best friend & want a divorce" Within a few months she had her own place. He was and still is devistated, they have been married 30yrs. He has now thrown every second of his life into the Military. We have become close friends. Maybe my feelings are stronger. I have so much respect for the pride he has in what he does. Am I wrong for thinking he should take a min for himself once in a while? The last few months all he has talked about is trying to get deployed a 3rd time. Of course I have been upset when I think of him leaving. He was hurt the last time he was there. Now this is where the major problem comes in. 2 weeks ago after only having a motorcycle 2 months, he was in a serious accident. Many broken bones including his back. I want to be by his side help anyway I can. It seems that the nearly ex wife has been going by to see him. I'm not a home wreaker if thats what he wants he has my prayers. He has told me from the beginning she only wants money. I don't know her and I'm not one to judge. I am hurt, angry and scared for him. He won't let me see him at all! We have spoke twice since the accident. He won't return calls, emails or text messages.Should I stay away and just pray for him? I do love him. He has a long road of recovery ahead. I would be there every step of the way. With him being so into what he does (in the Military) he has the attitude he can do things without help. It's different then being with a civilian man. As for my husband, we are divorcing not because of this situation it's just time. Please anyone help me decide what is best for him & I. I'm so worried about his condition.

  219. I am also a military girlfriend, me and my wonderful boyfriend are currently surviving our first deployment and its so hard! But through everything we have to keep our heads held up and know what there doing is the best thing in the world. He is serving time in Iraq and doesnt come home until July. Before I met him I never thought it was possible to go from..happy..sad..depressed..excited && back to happy all in the same hour;; not talk to him for weeks at a time;; and be so crazy about someone. But just as much as were missing them and wishing they were here, they do too. They love us and even though there away, its for something that really helps us. I hate when I hear these girls say "omg, I havent saw//talk to my boyfriend in days", I mean HELLO!?.. we go like 15 mos!! LoL. But if anyone would like to add me just to be a friend or for support please feel free to add me on Yahoo Messenger. destiny_bledsoe because I'm going through the same thing! For everyone on here that has posted, stay strong for your loved one && hang in there girls!
    [[military girlfriends//fiance's//wife's always stick together!]]

  220. it's nice to know you guys are out there as sometimes i go a WEE bit crazy living with my retired AF Security guy.
    I'll TRY and make my story BRIEF: I met him on line 5 years ago, knew it was right from the start. i wasn't divorced yet and he hadn't been in a realtionhip for three years. He comes to the table with two sons, they're now 13 and 15. my son lives with his dad (my ex) and is 18 (doesn't live with us).
    The thing is, is that my s/o is so exacting in way he does everything.. compliments are not given for things one is "supposed to do" ie. housecleaning and the like or even when one is dressed special to go out (when all you want to do is look sexy and nice for HIM). it gets me damn frustrated at times when i have to "fish" for anything related to myself: I'm seen as demanding or complaining or whining. is this just a woman thing or a guy just not willing to bend? we women need those compliments and such, it's encouragement, IMO. Too, I've had to ask for hugs and kisses (other than the goodbye ones or the good night ones) … i love to be touched and felt (i love having him let me know i'm there) and have told him as such but he sees that as demanding at times. So, you guys tell this due to his upbringing(his mom was not the most affecionate mom on the planet) or a miltary thing or what? (cause when we first met, he was lovey dovey and now it's almost like pulling teeth to get a

  221. Hello, this is my first time on and am really needing support from women who understand. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year but it has been long distance. It has been amazing up till about a week or so ago. He found out recently he will be deploying soon. I feel like a switch just flipped inside of him and is almost trying to push me away. He won't really talk about anything anymore, which is our only way of communication in a long distance relationship, and just doesn't seem happy. I fell like this is the first time that I can't make him happy and it makes me feel so lonely and sad…what do i need to do?

  222. I have been a national guard girlfriend for over 2 years now and for some silly reason i never thought i will have reasons to write a post like this. My boyfriend is deploying to Iraq this year, and i don't even really know where to look for the strength to not feel sick when i think about it, to not want to cry and to be able to still smile.Any words of wisdom, any advice, any tips are most definetly welcomed. I have an immense admiration for all the wives here who managed to stay positive and maintain some sense of normalcy in their lives when faced with deployment.

  223. I am the new GF of a Marine who leaves in a week for Iraq and he has given me his back up set of dog tags. I feel pretty emotional about this but wondered if it holds more meaning than I know about since he is the first Marine I've ever dated?? Thanks in advance.

  224. I, too, am a new gf of a soldier (Army). We fell in love and then, the news of deployment. We've been apart more than we've been together. He's been "training" and we've been able to talk or text daily. However, tomorrow, after a 4-day R/R that ended yesterday, he's going over to Iraq. That daily communication is over.
    This is my first military bf. I am not prepared for all of the emotions running through my head. Although, this experience has given me a WHOLE NEW perception of the war and military life, I'm still an "emotional mess."
    In my life, I don't have a choice but to be busy, but that doesn't always help. I am still going to bed alone at night. I think one of the things would be… It's OK to feel the way you feel. It'll get better and worse and then better again.
    I've been through other MAJOR losses in my life and have learned to adapt. This is a loss that I get back though! I'm very excited about that! I love him!
    Good luck to all (including myself) and have a great time upon his return.

  225. I am a girlfriend of a deployed soldier. We have know each other since middle school and became bestfriends. We just recently started dating and I have gotten even closer to his family. I know that he will do whatever he can to be safe but that may not be enough. He came home for leave before he left and I felt so guilty because I wanted the time with him knowing that he had to see everyone else. He was trying to be strong for his mom and I both. Now I feel like I have to be strong for his mom while he's away. I love and care for him so much and we were just starting our relationship when he got deployed. I'm not losing my boyfriend I am also losing contact with my bestfriend. I love and miss him so much but I am beyond proud of him and gladly stand behind him.

  226. Okay. This is good. I've been trying to find someplace where I can post I'm not a wife but I will be after my baby gets back from iraq. I do have a question. My boyfriend is a Marine who is leaving for Iraq in October. As we can all agree its not easy. He hasn't even left yet but its difficult. From the moment we found out our relationship has changed. actually its caused us to become closer. crying is becoming way to easy and thats not like me. but again I really don't care so i'll cry if i need to-its just weird. I love my boyfriend to pieces and I want to be there for him. But I really don't know how to support him emotionally. I need to know what to do. We've been together nonstop sicne we started dating, but now he's in the field and gone alot. He still calls though. But he doesn't sound happy. I know he misses me like crazy and wants to be with me. Its going to be hard for him because we are SOO close. I just can't imagine what Iraq will be like for him if this is how he reacts in the states. Those who have been through this, wives/girlfriends how do you recomend I start preparing ourselves and how do i support him from home? I'll do anything to help him but i can't make him happy. Depression is SOO common with deployment. THere's got to be advice out there. Any advice? I just want him happy. 12 more months until its all over… :)

  227. Hello ladies!
    i am also a girlfriend and my boyfriend had been gone since January and is not expected home until the end of January begining of Febuary 2009 its been rough but I am making it through it…. But my boyfriend gets to be real pissy some times or has rough day and takes it out on me and I don't klnow if I just let it go or what? Also the other day he said baby I think we should just be friends cause I am being selfish and making you miss out on things your only 21 you should be having fun and partying etc.. but i am not that type of person i go to school and work etc.. and i told him this and i told him babe we are in this together and we decided together that we will stand by each others side. He told me it would be hard – and I said baby I will help you get through this so whatever life throws at us we can handle it and we will make it through this.. but i told him I will respect his wishes if he wanted to be single. The he said no I dont want to break up I care about you alot and i just feel as if i am being selfish etc.. so he say baby i still want to be with you and i dont want to break up with you.. BUT I AM CONFUSED…. and i dont understand does any one have any advise for me!! this has been tought!! May all of a soldiers come home safely…

  228. Laura
    Send as many care packages as you can and write him often. I write every day to my boyfirend both letters in the mail and e-mails and he loves it and it gives them something to look forward to and i send a package to him every two weeks even if its just little like a few burned cds or candy… it helps!! My boyfriend is thankful and he says i make his time a lot easier… So do what you can!!

    • does he write you back? because i was doing that and then i felt sad and neglected because he didnt write back. So i was wondering why? is it a work thing or what? can i be making excuses as to why he doesnt write back or email anymore , except once in a while to tell me he misses me and loves me? if he can communicate once in a while then why not a little more frequently?

  229. Thanks Jess, I'll do that! I know that would help him especially since he knows letters are continually coming and so are packages.

  230. Hello,
    Like most of you ladies I am a girlfriend. My gentleman is a Pointer who was sent to his post in Germany in mid-May and this past week was moved up to Iraq until early December. We have been together for a little over two years after growing up together 2 blocks apart. We have been long distance for the majority of our relationship, I thought because of this I would be better able to handle a deployment. Even if he was not in Iraq he still would be in Germany while I am in the states. It has been so difficult though, we experienced some relationship problems back in April which we have not yet totally recovered from but have been working on when he got shipped off. I love him more than anything, but am losing hope, I don't know if I am strong enough to do this. I want to more than anything. He began to push me away before he left when confronted he admitted to trying to protect me. Is that common? Do the newly deployed men become more distant, I would like to be there for him in anyway I can but my feeling have been hurt by him distancing himself and don't know how to handle this situtation. I have gotten a few emails so I know he is safe. I have sent him videos and packages already so hopefully that helps his spirits. Any suggestions for 1st time deployments and coping, or the insight into him mindset would be very helpful.

  231. P.S. Jess the conversation you are talking about having with your bf you are most certainly not alone. I have also had that same conversation with my guy. I am share the same opinion as you. But if it makes you feel better you are not the only one :)

  232. Hi my boyfriend, whom I live with, was deployed to Iraq a week ago today. It hasn't been easy, but I'm trying to stay positive for my baby. He called two days ago and he just e-mailed me for the first time. We have such a great relationship, however, I'm worried about what deployment will do to him. This is our first deployment and we've been together for 6 months. He says he loves me and I believe him. I'm just wondering what I should expect when he returns in March.

  233. Lucy,
    I'm a girlfriend also, dealing with my boyfriend's second deployment to Iraq. We started dating right after he got home from the first deployment so the return challenges I can speak to you about. When he first gets home, expect him to be more 'on edge' than normal. He may get angry about little things that otherwise wouldn't have bothered him. Try to be patient and as even-keeled as possible. He'll need you to be the constant calm in his life. Let him talk about Iraq when he feels like it – he may talk nonstop about it one day and not want it brought up at all the next. It's all part of adjusting to how this life-changing experience fits into his civilian life. Overall, be prepared to be a good listener and patient with his new quirks. Well, I know that worked for me and my boyfriend so I hope that helps! Hang in there, you aren't alone!

  234. my boyfriend has just left for afghanistan and i just dont know what to do with myself … im all over … i miss him soo much and im soo scared for him …weve been together for over a year and it hurts so much

  235. Hello,
    I just found this site. I am a gf of this wonderful guy of 8mos. now who was stationed in Korea a few yrs ago and has been on reserve for 2yrs. Just yesterday, he rcvd partial mobilization papers for Operation Freedom Iraq for about a year. He is schedule to report for duty in Jan2009. I don't know what to say or do at a time like this. He knows I love and support him, but I don't want to overdo it at the same time. Please help!!

  236. Hey everyone. My boyfriend is a Marine, he is deployed currently in the Arabian Sea…somewhere. I was reading some of these posts and they really help me a lot. Does anyone have any advice for getting through the Holiday's? My Marine and I started dating only 3 short months before he left. We had planned on not staying together, but I couldn't let him go. He said the same thing. It sounds silly but there is something special between us. I don't know what I should do about Christmas, I dont want him to think I don't care, but I want next Christmas to be super special being our first Christmas together. So what do I do for him this christmas? Ok, and the next thing. How do you get ready for when they come home? After so long apart I mean. I am going to be totally excited to see him again, but because we only knew eachother for 3 months, its going to be hard I think. This makes me sound like I do not want him to come home, AND THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN AT ALL!!! I really cannot wait to see him. I just need some support. I live 8 hours from his family, and I just have nothing that makes me feel like he is here. I know he cares incredibly about me. But the one phone call every few weeks, its not fun. Im sure everyone can relate. If anyone has any answers let me know. Thanks :)

  237. Thank you, Beth! That really helps. He's coming home in 3 months. I can't wait and your suggestions seem like they will be helpful. Thanks again!

  238. Stephanie,
    I can relate to your story. However, me and my boyfriend were together for 6 months before he deployed to Iraq..and I'm just 3 hours from family, but it's still hard. I don't have much money so I try to send him a care package at least once a month. Some Marines have access to e-mail. My guy e-mails me every day, so that makes our separation easier. He's only called me once, but since we have e-mail it's not a big deal. Keep your chin up, sweetie! I know it's hard.

  239. I know where alot of you girls are coming from! My boyfriend deployed about a week ago to Afghanistan and I never expected things to be like this! It's been about 3 days since I talked to him and although he isn't in combat I still worry alot about him. The past few days have been extremely hard on me and today I finally broke down. In a way I just want to give up but my soldier means so much to me and I can't do that. I know things are probably fine with him, but at the same time I can't help but wonder. This is my first deployment with him but it is his third deployment. I've written him everyday and sent him one package already but at the same time I need support too. My family can't relate at all to any of this and the one friend I have that is engaged to a soldier, well he just got home from bootcamp. Any advice or support would be much appreciated!!!!

  240. Hi Kayla,
    When I came home from seeing my boyfriend off, I broke down. It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. This was in August. He comes back in March, and I'm amazed I've made it this far! He called on Christmas and it was so good to hear his voice! This is my first deployment with him…his second. Keeping yourself busy is the key to getting through this. I'm in college and so the first three months just flew by. Then there was Christmas and now I'm about to start a new semester. But if you can find something to keep you busy, it would help. Let me know if you need anything, sweetie. My e-mail is

  241. I have been with my boyfriend on and off (mostly on) for 6 years. He joined the army after college and has been deployed to Afghanistan since January 09. He was really great at communicating at first, but then he got changed from a Platoon leader to XO. He was really upset by it and I had a hard time speaking to him since he was so happy and I felt nothing I did helped.
    He was supposed to come home on leave tomorrow 7/24 (we're both from CA, but I live in NYC). He called me last week saying it is temporarily canceled and he didn't know when he would be able to take it. I have been insisting that I can change my vacation time, and that I just want to be with him. It has since then changed 3 times and he says there is a possibility he might not be able to come at all. I'm really stressed about it and I know he is too.
    I feel like lately he has been communicating with me less, and it kills me when I know he has internet access and I see that he was on facebook and all that bs.
    The last we communicated was on Sunday and it was that he might be leaving tomorrow or not, and has not communicated with me at all. I feel like he's being distant and I can't help but have all these terrible thoughts in my head about our relationship. It is giving me serious anxiety and I feel that I am in total limbo. Does anyone have any good advice for me?? Thank you, I appreciate it!

  242. I think this is so wonderful that I Have a place where i can talk to other gals who have a man in the military or navy or whatever, I am a fiance to a sgt servingover in afghanistan and is learning all about how the military works and i live in canda so this is very different , so thank you andi for the things that you do for spousebuzz

  243. Hello!
    I have never been able to talk to anyone about my situation, so this is wonderful! I have a very unusual situation but need the best advice and I think we are all on the same page! My ex boyfriend and I had been together for a year and a half in the middle of our realtionship is when he decided to join the army. I was very supportive and I was there from day one (basic training, getting stationed, pre-deployment training) I travled everywhere for this boy! He is the type that does not show emotion at all, just becomes very distant and I would be the own he would take it out on. I got use to this and was always there for him. He deployed for Iraq in November 2010 and a month before that is when he started his distant act, taking it out on me. This time it ended in a break up. Not much longer did he already have a new girlfriend. (side note: it took us a year before we said I love you and only them 2 weeks) All his time he got for leave before deployment was spent with her and we were on a no speaking run! He has now been deployed for almost a month now. Now a days we have the luxury of webcam! He does not have a very strict intinerary from day to day so he is very open to talking each day. Just recently (3 weeks ago) we started talking again, everyday. He is still with his girlfriend. He tells me he misses me and everything else. We talk about everything under the moon, its just us being us! He says during his R&R he wants to come see me. I told him I would not see him if he was still dating her and he said yes I understand. He hides me from her of course, but she recently found out about me. This opened up a new conversation between him and I and I found out that they fight almost daily and have already broken up and gotten back together 4 times. This type of relationship is completly not him! He won't tell he loves me again, which is good, I don't want him to. But my questions are: Why is he telling her he loves her and still talking to me the way he does? Why is he staying with her? He says he doesn't know what is going to happen because a year is a long time, and I agree but its not right for him to be doing this to the both of us. I send him pictures and care packages and we talk everyday, but I bet she is doing the same. Am I silly for talking to him again? We talk ALL THE TIME, I don't know when he is ever talking to her. And latley he has stopped saying I love you (on facebook) but I don't know everything….I just need advice as to what you guys think….Thank you so much!

  244. My boyfriend and i are both enlisting in the army. But hes going airborne and i am not. im thinking that i will most likely be stationed at fort bragg but he says that bc hes going airborne he will be stationed somewhere else! how does that work?? will we EVER have a future together, or is this the end of our relationship? im soo confused.

  245. I meet a man he said he is in the army even sent me a pic. Then he told me I had to pay a deposit for him to get leave. Please tell me if it is true. My heaqrt is on the line here. Or is he scaming me?

  246. The "D" word was not allowed to be mentioned in our house, D being for deployment, until Christmas when it became more official that he would be starting deployment for Iraq in May. The FRG has been horrible to deal with as though Iam his emergency contact and proper paperwork was filled out to be listed as a contact for them, I am not treated the same becauseof my "girlfriend" title. Its hard having someone being able to contact you daily by phone, email, text, to every other two days or even weekly; its a feeling that cant be explained, an emptiness and loss that you feel even though you know hes still there, just not physically. I keep waiting for the day that it will be easier but it seems like as time passes it only gets harder because Im realizing that he is not just away for training or school, he wont be home in a couple weeks, nor maybe one or two months.

  247. I mean my boyfriend will be gone till next May, but i try to look positive and think of all the things that we have planned on when he comes back. I try my best to think positive but its so hard because there will be times when i talk to him everyday, but there are also those times when i dont talk to him at all for 3 or 4 days. he does not have the internet yet, so the only way i get to talk to him is when he goes to the call center and uses their internet. It is so hard, im trying to keep my chin up and so should all of you ladies!

  248. I am a proud, loving, not-just-a-military-girlfriend getting ready to say goodbye to my soldier at the beginning of November. We are a newer couple with a lot of love between us. This will be our first deployment, and as I am new to this, I find the biggest problem to be not knowing what to expect. The little fears are what eat at me…I know that we will be spending 10 months apart, will he fall out of love with me? Will we run out of things to talk about? Just general worries about what my new life will be like. I dont have many friends in my position so it is difficult to find people to talk with about their experiences. Please share…did your deployments make you closer? What is the secret to falling more in love while being apart? Throughout all of his MOB training we have gotten so much closer….but will jumping the pond change that?

  249. I am so glad to have found this site. I am Proud Girlfriend of a SF Soldier and we have only been together now 2 months. I was told upfront about his career and that he could be called away at anytime. In 2 months he has been away now 2 times and is currently away. With him being SF there is no real information that can be shared with me. I want to know if they can communicate with you while on their Missions and if so how? This last Mission that he is currently on has been the longest so far and I am not sure if he may have been deployed with the SF in October. I must say this is not easy but I know now how much he means to me already and will be he for him no matter what. If this indeed a deployment how do I get over the emptiness I feel?

  250. I am upset because my boyfriend nevr calls me because his phone got cut off, he nevr writes but has emailed me maybe 3 times in 4 months. he was suppose to go to Agfghanistan but now he has health issues and is in Germany. Why do you think he doesnt contact me alot other than it may hurt him and make him weak. Do you think its the military. when they arent deployed to afghanistan but were going to be, but then have health issues, and dont deploy, can they still communicate? why woudl he not be talking to me like he use to. its killing me.

  251. I know exactly how you feel. I met my boyfriend two years ago and we have become best friends since. Being Full Time National Gaurd him leaving for a month at a time for school, training, and then the monthly weekends has become expected. When we first met I didnt want to start anything serious because I didnt want to have to deal with any deployments or hardships that come with being the girlfriend/spouse of someone in the Military, but as time went one and he had more of my heart I formed that Military Spouse role.. without the ring.

  252. i feel the same way! Noone can understand teh way we feel about eachother and even though he doesnt write me back, or email me, i have hope. i know he loves me and in my head i was thinking about the time he told me that its hard for him to do his job and still be with me. I often feel like thats the reason he almost never emails and NEVER calls and NEVER writes me back, because its too hurtful. so i'll wait. but he never told me not to wait and he never told me he cant be with me. idk. noone can take his place is all i know, so my therpist says, be open to dinner with another but dont commit as you wait?

Comments are closed.