Have you seen all of the news surrounding a newly published study in regards to Army Families? The study which says "Combat-Related Deployments Responsible for Increased Child Abuse, Neglect Among Army Families."
The study appears in Journal of the American Medical Association’s 1 August issue and can been seen here.
Other articles discussing the study can be viewed via the links below.
Combat-Related Deployments Responsible for Increased Child Abuse, Neglect Among Army Families – RTI
Military Deployment and Child Maltreatment – Journal Watch
Study: Child Abuse by Moms in Army Families Rises When Fathers Deployed – AP via Fox
Child abuse more likely during deployments – Army Times
Stress of war hits Army kids hard – USA Today
Have you blown your lid yet or do you think that the study results are not surprising?
On a personal note – The majority of mothers that I came in contact with (and continue to come in contact with) during deployments, went overboard in the opposite direction from what this study suggests – to care for their children more than ever, to address their children(s) needs during the service member’s deployment and to ask for a bit of help when they needed an "adult mental health break" during the deployment. I still feel that the majority of military parents are good, loving and caring parents and do the best that they can by their children. I still feel that the majority of military parents do not commit child abuse in any form or fashion.
I will simply say that if you feel that you need help as a military parent, please seek help. Children are truly precious gifts.
The Army offers many programs to help military parents. You can contact your local installation Army Community Service office for help and details or view them here. You can also seek help and/or information via My Army Life Too and Military OneSource. The New Parent Support Program is also very supportive. And don’t forget that as a military spouse, you have many counseling options available.
What are your thoughts on this topic and the study? Do your experiences echo the study results or have you experienced things in a vastly different way? Chime in with your opinions and thoughts, no matter your service affiliation.
UPDATE: You can listen to a podcast on this issue from The National Defense Radio here.
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Comments
Oh geez..
"deployment is often stressful for military families."
REALLY???? Are they sure about that????
I am not defending child abuse or neglect by any stretch but could they have written a phrase more deserving of the "duhhhhh" award if they tried???
I drove my oldest to school everyday when Hubs was deployed & she was tardy during that kindergarten year at least 1/2 dozen times–7:50 a.m. is EARLY when you have a 20-minute drive in traffic and a baby too. "Not getting the kids off to school on time" is abuse/neglect? Hmm. So on top of everything else, I was neglectful. Perfect!
Perhaps if 'researchers' and those standing around witnessing such things offered to help rather than acting like extra stress during deployment is such a certifiable shocker, we'd be able to stem some of the true abuse/neglect taking place. Are these the same researchers who have uncovered that those with zero connection to the military are "weary" of the war?
I don't mean to downplay the seriousness of abuse, but I also don't think it's okay to act like a mom having a come apart after being alone for over a year is abnormal. I yelled…a lot. I'm not proud of it. Truth be told, I was not the most terrific mom during that time–my kids were sick 24/7 for MONTHS and I was dog tired, working full-time, etc. It seems like there are better ways to spend research dollars because if someone had called and asked me whether this hypothesis of this study were true, I would have sided with Semper Fi Wife and offered a big old, "DUH!"
LMT — well spoken and an introspection not easily addressed and shared. Thanks for nailing a tough subject w/more emotion than almost anything else we talk about.
We can only hope that this series of "reports", rather than damning us and the quiet hell we sometimes live with, hopefully it'll focus those that CAN help, TO help. I guess we sometimes have to have these auslanders ID the problem, so maybe a resolution can be attained? (However, I do fear the damning is a-coming … hang on to your wig, Mabel.)
Yep, I too snapped at the kids like a rabid dog when the inspection-of-a-lifetime was about to tube my career, and yes, I too believe that most of these researchers would be singing a different tune after a few miles in our shoes … I'd like to have them c'mon over … let's talk.
LMT — again, thanks,
Toad
I would like them to deal with a 4 year old little girl yelling in you face about the stupitist thing and even yelling after being sent to her room for 30 plus minutes. Luckly at the time a nice neighbor came over after everything calmed down to check on us. But really. It's very dim of someone to judge were they have no experince. Just as I love civilians that question the military way of doing things. It's war it's ugly get over it.
I do not think that yelling at your children or being late for school should be deemed neglect. Come on thigns happen to make you run late its called MURPHYS LAW! also yes we may raise our voice to our children, but we are the only ones, they other voice that gave us a break is not there at the time. My children do not run away screaming ABUSE! I love my children without end. and while my husband is gone I go above and beyond to show them that. I don't tell them go play on the interate!( that is the neglect people should look for @@) Leave the women that have a very hard job aloen and look for the real cases of neglect and abuse.. IMO
and for those that do have issues handling hte stress, check with your base to see if they offer a super saturday where htey have childcare from 9-5 and you can go do anything you want. Or Fridays out for you to go have a nice dinner out. A lot of places offer these thigns and I say take advantage whther its to go grocery shopping without the I WANTS or to go to a spa for a massage and relax.. every peaceful moment can help when you are stressed…
Hey ummm you know somthing I am just a Lowly Guard wife, There is No help in my state for us, NADDA ZIP ZILCH, you deal on your own, figure the shit out on the fly, I wish I had a base around to go to without driving 4 hours.
I am one of the lucky ones I made it did it on my own I gathered a few other wives together and we stuck to each other and helped with our kids , I feel the military has failed many familys by not reaching out to them. And by making information as hard to get to as humanly possible.
This report angered me. I know many many wonderful wives who have sacrificed everything, And I belive THAT should be the prime time news spots focus….
I agree Deirdre, you have to band together because the FRG for the guard is not helpful.
I think the report is incomplete. A general assumption that all deployed spouses are child abusers can't be made from this report. What the researchers looked at were families where at least one confirmed case of child abuse had already been substantiated.
That being said, the sample taken for this study was not representative of the population that the researchers are reporting on. To me, the people who published these reports, without that disclaimer, are irresponsible.
The fact that DoD defines child abuse differently or more strictly that their civilian counterparts also plays this out in a different light. When we were all kids, corporal punishment was a norm, just like riding around in the back window of the car.
My advice, just look at it as a wedge being driven between the morals of US society and the war. They're playing on the sympathies of the US public. I believe they think if they show deployments as destructive to the home life of military families, US support for the war will drop even further and politicians will feel even more compelled to push for withdrawals and quick resolution.
Until these researchers come out with a more comprehensive examination that is inclusive of all military families or is more representative of the military family population, this report will only be viewed as a black mark.
At best, this report is good to see how the stress of deployment effects families that already have at least one occurrence of child abuse in the home. The fact that occurrences in child abuse for deployed wives where child abuse has already happened increases when their husbands are deployed is not surprising.
Representative samples of the US population where child abuse occurs indicates that women are more than twice as likely than men to be abusive to their children. But again, we're working with different definitions, like comparing apples to oranges.
I wonder if in their study they asked any of these individuals what resources were available to them. Unfortunately in many instances there isn't any. Equally there are servicemembers who discourage their spouses from utilizing any of the FRG or base programs because of the bad name many of the support groups have gotten and for fear of the implied impact on their career if their spouse reaches out to base organizations. Maybe with their next study they will actually ask the spouses what things could be done to help allieviate some of the stresses….I bet there would not be a shortage of answers.
this is my first deployment and it is tough i have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and another one on the way some of yu are angry because they shed light on something that some people cant handle and are afraid to ask help for. in the base where i am the frg is horrible there is no support for spouses and this is active military so you gguard wives srent the only ones who get neglegtaed. in the state where we reside now a deployed soldiers wife killed her STEPDAUGHTER buy scolding her to death while he was in iraq. so should they make a big deal out of the stress rate and child abuse yes and should people help out more yes. everyone needs help and everyone needs to rember it isnt all about the ones who dont hurt the kids but about making sure that more children dont ger hurt cant any of you mothers understand that. yes i love my children and would die if anything happened to them i would kill any one who hurt them and i make sure they know how much there father an d i love them but ehat about the ones who dont know how to handle things who looks out for those kids. after all isnt that what this reoport was suppose to be about not your hurt egos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rember its the children who are suffering in some cases not you
Having been married to someone for the past seventeen years who is constantly gone, either on a submarine, or now, to Iraq, I believe I can speak of the stress of deployments.
Yep, there's stress… there are also a lot of moms who remember what their REAL job is – raising good kids and not falling apart when the service member walks out the door. Life goes on, stress is part of everybodys life, deal with it. It would be great if we all had super support systems – I rarely had one myself. But it was my life, I signed up for it, I knew my husband would be gone a lot, and I also knew he could do his job better if he knew everything at home was ok. I am Mom, Dad, and usually every other family member for about half of every year. I get the kids to school on time, the meals are at the same time, although it might be take out instead of home cooked – but the most important people in this are the kids – they did not sign up for this and they need consistancy. There are crappy moms everywhere, in and out of the military, this study just focuses on the military moms. And no, I am not claiming to be a supermom or anything – I am just doing my job, and I would not want my kids to look back on this time of their lives with sadness, because I was stressed.
To Those lovely people that conducted these studies, I would love to ask them if they have ever hed a loved one deployed and been left with the responsibility of the house, the cars, the yard, the pets, the bills, the worries about their deployed loved one, oh and the KIDS? Hello, This is high stress we are talking here. Everyone is on edge and the simplest of things can make an already bad situation even worse. I think they should really rephrase the findings of the "studies" and offer more realalistic solutions. Trust me being stationed in a foriegn country with a 4 yr old a 2 yr old and one on the way with no hubby is a tough jod. They should be thanking us instead of berating us.
In families were child abuse has already been documented, soldiers should ask their Rear Detachemnt to check on their spouse ever now and then. Even if it is just to call and remind them of programs available in the community for respite care.
For Guard families, you are stuck with whatever support you had before your spouse deployed, but most churches can and will line up help for you. Some churches already run a mother’s day out or parent’s night out. These are not directly for deployed families, but you can still use them. If not, speak to the pastor, a church elder or deacon or perhaps the secretary or someone in the childcare room itself. Explain that you are very stressed with a deployed spouse and need a break, either one time or on a regular basis. They will help. I have never seen a church yet that will not help someone who asks for it, especially if it is for children’s sakes.
If this doesn’t work, there are places in the community where you can volunteer and childcare is paid for by the organization. On bases, ACS can help you find a postition that will cover childcare while you volunteer and build your resume. These places also have the added advantage of helping you make new friends as you work in an area you like. Off base, perhaps you can strike a deal with a local small business or church where you can volunteer for them in exchange for their covering your childcare costs.
OR, start a babysitting co-op. Some friends of mine did this. One day of the Week was mom’s day off. The sponsoring mom would provide meals, snacks, and activities for that one day. Then, for the next weeks, as each of the other parents took a turn, she had that many days off with no kids to do whatever she wanted. See the doctor, go shopping, clean the house, take a nap, whatever she wanted. It usually works best with 3-5 families in the co-op, but even two is good. Just make sure it is the set same time frame each week. Rules can be added that kids with fevers cannot participate so all kids don’t get sick. This also helps the kids survive a deployment as they know they have the same playdate each week.
Hope this helps. I have never harmed either of my kids and they are teenagers now, but we have had many deployemnts and they are stressful. If families pull together and make one night a week family night, it helps. For young kids, it may mean a finger food dinner over candyland, but as they grow, the family night can improve. My kids have a theme meal night and related activity (like chinese food and a Jackie Chan movie, pizza and poker, etc.) they take turns picking the type of food and the other one comes up with an activity to fit the meal. My favorite was when my 13 wanted to make “chinese” food himself, so we ate Ramen noodles and made oragami to mail to my husband. (He wasn’t permited to really cook without supervision so he cooked the only thing he was permited without us. =) Come up with a tradition to do weekly with your kids. Emailing or writing your spouse about it helps to pass the time and it gives kids something to look forward to. Make it as simple as possible so it does not add to your stress.
Laughter helps to keep your emotions under control so you lash out at the kids a little less each day.
We can all survive these deployments. In the end we can be stronger for it. Just get the help you need before things get overwhelming. Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME! and when you look at your screaming 2 or 4 year old, remember they only act like that for a little while. They will outgrow it. Also, the more you plug in and try to do some fun things with them, the less they act out. (But every preschooler has tantrums – they do behave a bit better when they start school and if you did your job well in the early years, the teen ones are not so bad. In an emergency you can resort to a tactic I did a few times while stationed overseas during a deployemnt. I childproofed one bedroom. I secured the windows so they could not be opened. I made sippie cups of water for each child. I removed every toy with small parts. I put some blankets in the room and a pillow for me. Finally, I fed the kids a meal, had 4 year old use the potty and put a fresh diaper on the 2 year old. I then took them into the room and shut the door. I got them each engaged in an activity and made a pallet on the floor blocking the door. I laid down for a nap while the kids played. They could not get out and I was in the room with them if something happened. I could hear them. They had blankets too to nap next to me. It was very helpful during their bout with chicken pox and when I had a biopsy for breast cancer and couldn’t take my pain killers as I would not be able to care for the kids while on it. I only suggest using this if you are a light sleeper and your kids are old enough to play together. (My 4 year old would get me if anything happened with the 2 year old or if she needed the potty.)
It is EXTREMELY helpful to focus and research this very real problem. PLEASE support the gathering and assembly of any and all data that further supports the obvious. This research is more evidence of why we need to get our soldiers out of the disastrous mess our Commander in Chief has made of Iraq. Besides being desperately needed in our homes and with our 700,000 children of deployed parent military families, our own country is falling apart from neglect and abuse as well! We need our soldiers, guardsmen, and contractors back here rebuilding our own infrastructure!
And HFY nerves are nervier with troops at war, adding a 1000 more already doing-nothing 'FRG assistants' ain't gonna change that.
Did anynone notice that it was only ARMY families? Last I checked the Navy, Marines, and Air Force were over there too! I realize that us Army folks are over there the longest (not by choice I'm sure), but what about the other branches? Were they looked at as well? We all support our husbands in what they are doing and regardless of our political views, we should stay there and do the BEST THAT WE CAN! I guess that what I face when my husband is gone is much of what a single mom faces on a daily basis. They do it (some by choice & some not), so can I. When my husband is gone, I just set a schedule, if that means getting up 15 minutes earlier to make sure that my child is at school on time then so be it. Do I get to the end of my rope? Hell yes! Do I get over it and turn to friends for support? You can count on it! Do I rely on my FRG? Not really. I just do what I have to do so when we talk to my husband he knows that everyone is ok & the house is still standing. The best way that I found to get through deployments is to keep busy. get involved! When you are involved in the military community with classes, volunteer work, or whatever, it helps to pass the time away and you learn new ways of coping, and new skills that might help too. Like many of you mentioned, myarmylifetoo.com is a great resource. So is just calling mom and asking how she did it as a parent. My mom listens and then laughs at me. She just tells me that she has "been there done that" while my dad traveled for his job (not military). Those friendly ears make all the difference and you can learn so much if you take a moment and listen. For those of us that do keep things going smoothly – YOU GO GIRL!!! I know that with me keeping things going here at home without any major catastophies, my husband can focus on his mission and come home safely. It would be interesting to know more of the demographics of the study. They have just thorwn a "blanket" statement about us military spouses and it is wrong. I know that my child needs me more than ever when daddy is away, and I will do what it takes to make sure that I am there – that's MY JOB!
Get involved? There's a two-edged sword. I believe a lot of the stress my kids felt during my husband's deployment was caused by my "involvement." At least once a week I was hauling my kids to some meeting or another — FRG advisory committee, FRG meeting, spouses' club board meeting, PTA bingo, whatever. They were troopers, but how many times do you want to hear "This party is for daddy's soldiers' families, not us. I need you to help me or wait over there while I set this up/decorate that/serve the …" Did they learn the value of community service? Yes. Did they feel like they were contributing to the effort? Occassionally. Do they wish that they could have had a full-time mom instead of having to share me with everyone/everything else who needed our support? Absolutely.
Humm, We are going through our 3rd deployment, have 3 kids and my husbands been in Iraq for all 3 births. Stress is high! Every thing they are accussing us military wives of goes on in the civilian world as well. I think the abusers and neglecters would be doing the same things deployment or not. As for what they are calling neglect, come on! I scream, I get frustrated and low. I would love to see the reserchers only have conversation with a 4 yr old, a 2 yr old and 3 month old! I am all for giving them the DUH award for realizing deployments are stressful. I think the wives from way back in the civil war, WW1 era could of told them that with less money wasted! AAHHH! Life is hard but we all manage and just because there is stress dosen't mean we love our precious babies any less.
Child abuse goes on even when the spouse is not deployed. I lived on many bases thru my husbands career and seen alot, not anymore than I seen in the civilian world. I was a very young mother when my husband was deployed to Viet Nam and found that living among the civilian world helped me a great deal more. Maybe because I wasnt around it so much. I made good use of my time while my husband was away. It didnt stop the worry, but going back to school and doing something for me, did help alot. Living on base was a constant reminder of just how lonely we all really were. Being close to my family and his family was a great comfort also. Not to mention helping with my son, giving me time I needed so I didnt burn out. In those days they didnt have the support groups and all that they have now. Infact I dont think anyone ever even thought about the wives left behind back in the Nam era, we all just had to figure it out ourselves what was best for us and our kids. I think alot of this media stuff is making military wives sound like they are weak with no back bone, and I know its not true.Not all of it is anyways.
This is nothing new. As an Army officer's wife from 1972 to 1995, we knew that when our husbands were deployed that the rate of child abuse and neglect increased, as well as incidents of depression.
The Federal Govt. adding 1,000 new "social workers" is just a band aid fix. The support of a close knit spouses group within the individual units with contacts to outside specialists for help if needed would be more important. I don't mean just officer's wives either. It is a team effort for the whole unit that has to be in place before the unit deploys.
I have to say a few things. One, the reason that the parameters for child abuse are so much more narrow than in the civilian world is that the military is aware how often these "little" things like being constantly late and "yelling" can escalate out of control. What starts out as a kid being late to school a couple of times a week becomes the kid missing school a few times a week to not going at all. It's so much easier to just stay home when you are already late. Then, the kid has already missed so much school, it is easier to keep them home then deal with the consequences. Also, so many times we use yelling as a release valve. The pressure of every day life builds along with the unbelievable stress of not knowing if your spouse is safe and all it takes is one thing to push the button. But there comes a time when yelling isn't enough and that is when hitting comes in to play. I could go on and on, however, I do want to say one more thing. We as spouses have to reach out for help, from our command support, our churches, neihbors and friends. We have to. Dads are OFFERED this help repeatedly on deployments but we have this mentality that we are the mom, we should be able to handle all of this, as well as the fact that we should have known what we were getting into when we married a military man. Another thing, look at this issue from the military side- the narrow parameters make it possible to get help for these families that other wise wouldn't have asked for it. Before anyone gets mad at me, let me give you some back ground on me- Navy wife for over ten years, a former command ombudsman, as well as a social worker. Talk about frontline training. Let's all remember that we are ion this together and help eachother when we see someone "stressed" instead of looking the other way and let's learn how to accept help.
What a frustrating report! If I were an Army wife…I would be even more upset! But as an Air Force wife of a husband currently deployed for 6 months (we are currently 3 months into this deployment) my heart really goes out tothose Army families as they seem to be taking the blunt of the deployment load. I have two Army wives that live on my street and they both have husbands that have been deployed for over 8 months now working towards their 15 month total deployment! And that is only this deployment… Both husbands served 12 month deployments a year before they deployed for this deployment! This is CRAZY!
But these families suffer this separation so America can have the freedom to report data like this that only puts MORE STRESS on these families! I admire these wives who are doing the best they can during the situtations that are imposed upon them. I personally have not witnessed the cases of neglect and abuse in the military families that this article reports. I also admire the military systems that are put in place so neglect and abuse does not happen at the levels that this article reports. It is stressful….it is depressing…and moods may swing during stressful times….but I believe that professionals (military and civilian) need to think of ways to reduce this stress by reducing the Army deployment timeframes versus brainstorming on more support systems or criticizing how families are coping with the stress of extended family separation!
While this study has been performed, I think it's important to remember that it's just that…"a" study. THEY choose whom they study. I am a military wife, since 1990, and I have seen plenty deployments now. My husband and I have four children and it has sometimes been hard to accomplish everything that is required in a single day. There are few concessions given to military families out in the real world. In fact, this recent military separation has been extremely stressful because I am finding fewer companies will accept my power of attorney! Get this- even our credit union on post argued with me when I went to deposit a check that was written to my husband from our vehicle mortgage. We have had a joint account there but because he was not physically there they contemplated on NOT depositing the check. Now, mind you, I am not a wife that goes around flushing the money down the drain, making expensive and unnecessary purchases, or even getting huge loans in my husbands name, but what are we to do to take care of the finances and house…and our own bank is having a problem using a power of attorney to deposit a check in the account? We have run into this numerous times in the last six months now. Likewise, we are a christian family who has been brought up to depend on the church for support, and I am not talking about monetary support. When my husband first deployed our vehicle broke down, it blew a tire. With four kids I didn;t have any extra money at the time to buy a new tire. So I made numerous calls back home to my parents and they finally talked me into talking to my minister. So I contacted him and made it very clear that I did NOT want the church to buy me a tire, I only wanted to know if someone in the church had a spare I could use until payday. The pastor told me that because we were a military family we had programs on post that would not only pay for the work to be done but to get a new tire at no cost to us! He said that the church funds were for people in need. I reiterated that I only needed a spare tire until payday and I would give it right back. He wouldn't help. Many poeple beleive that the military has all of these glamorous programs for times like these! They don't. There are programs to get loans, loans, and more loans! Where is the support? This same church told my husband that they would take care of me and the kids and be there for us to support us. Again, I do NOT mean monetary support. But, I know that I am not the only one going through these things!
These type of things increase the stress of the military family left behind. But there are little to no programs to teach families how to deal with deployment stress. Our 4 kids are wonderful and are not abused or neglected in any way! My husband and I keep a structured schedule for the kids to help keep us all busy and active. There may be some extra yelling but that is it at our household. We have learned to be our own support unit and learned to count on noone, outside of family, to act as our support unit. Furthermore, many programs for the military families and dependents are facing cutbacks or even termination. For the most part, MR Rumsfeld made it clear that he was not in business for providing commissaries to the families, and schools for the children. Many commissaries have been closed down nationwide; many DOD schools are being taken over by the public school systems too; many bases do not offer dental facilities to dependents anymore. These were all programs that were initiated to offset the smaller wages of the military, and now they are slowly being lessened and taken away. My point is that taking programs like these away from military families makes it even more stressful during these extended deployments. The spouses left behind all ready have to juggle many more responsibilities, and now they must perform within even stricter services, less time, and being in the national spotlight. How about the Pentagon coming forward and using the millions of dollars they used to perform this study to establish programs for the spouses and children? What about giving our family members dental services so we don;t have to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket, while our husbands are giving everything for their country? Why not the Pentagon come forward and implement a positive program for the families so to lessen the stress levels? And I mean programs that will benefit everyone, and not separate programs for enlisted and officers families? The whole separation of enlisted and officer is strictly for those IN the military and NOT for the families. These concepts create a lot of tension, stress, and segregation amongst those that should be supporting one another and encouraging one another.
I would like to say that I have been deployed twice and I have four children. Youngest – eight months, oldest – 12years. My wife had a lot of additional stress with me being deployed, but the kids were just fine. It is not easy to discipline children and love them at the same time, but never was there any abuse or neglect. That is something that happens regardless of a parent being deployed or not. Those individuals utilize their spouse's deployment to justify wrong doing. Frankly, it is making me sick.
I'm the child of an Air Force TSG and the wife of an Army SSG. Throughout my entire life I've seen incidents of neglect and abuse from mothers left at home. My mother was on the other end of this study, going over the top to make sure everything was done for us while our father was gone. Now as a wife and mother with spouses of deployed soldiers as friends, I've seen the neglect first hand. The very word neglect can have varying definitions and implications, but being late for school constantly and consistently, at least in my children's school, can have an effect on whether or not they advance or have to take summer school. Living in a home where you never know what's going to set mom off or how far she'll go this time is not an ideal place to be.
Obviously this study isn't trying to point the finger at ALL of the parents left at home. It should be shedding light on a problem that we know about and choose to ignore. There are mothers out there stressed beyond their limits and too proud to ask for help and how many of us are really moving to their aid? This study has made mothers feel guilty about their actions during deployment, which may not be unwarranted in certain situations. I personally know a mother who told everyone how well she was handling everything and close to the end of deployment we found out she was going out drinking several days a week, sometimes leaving the kids alone at night without a babysitter. Her kids were often late to school and other functions and their behavior declined rapidly. She was also on meds to calm her anxiety, spending money like wildfire and not taking care of her bills. Her family was at their wits end, but none of her military family knew anything about it.
Those of us who aren't feeling self conscious about our actions should be opening up our eyes and ears a little bit more and helping out our fellow spouses instead of bringing them down and blaming studies for putting us in a bad light. We've done that to ourselves. I've been around this for 30 years. I've seen my mother deal with other wives and have dealt with it myself. If we spent more time trying to help each other out rather than playing the "Who's the Stronger Spouse" game, maybe we could stop reports like this.
Being a military kid is a tough enough life as it is. Moving around, missing your dad, having to make new friends constantly…. A stressed out mom is the last person you wanna go to for a safe place to fall.
When my husband was deployed I was going to school full time and shuffling two boys off to year round soccer and other sports here and there. We were never late for school and rarely late to practice. I coached and we went to several tournaments, sometimes in two different places. I did all this hundreds of miles away from any family in a civilian community. Was it stressful, Hell YES, but I was never ashamed to ask a neighbor to watch one or both of my kids when I needed to get something done or just be alone to think. I worked with the school counselor for my youngest when I sensed he was taking the deployment too hard and needed someone more qualified than myself to help him talk through his pain.
Wake up parents! This report shouldn't shock anyone. We've been watching it happen for decades. If this report called you to task, then maybe you should find a way to get more organized and start asking for support. THEN, offer help in turn so you and those you're helping won't feel like the only ones.
I, for one, might as well have signed the contract with my husband. This is my life. Drink water, drive on and get yourself squared away. I would feel so ashamed of myself if my husband came home to find my children had suffered at the hands of my pride.
We are a community! All we have is one another in some cases. Lets not give them any more reason to try and use us as tools in their political warfare.
I guess the media and uncaring politicians got tired of picking on our deployed spouses.Now they are going after the ones left behind.Whats next,the kids?
It is really hard to do it alone! Unless you have been there, people have no idea what kind of stress you experiance. There are many people that say they will be there for you, but when it comes down to getting any kind of help, they always seem to be busy, so we do it alone. When my husband is deployed again next year, my kids and I will do it alone again. I am a strong woman. I just think it interesting that people talk about supporting our troops and the families at home, but when it comes down to it, most people have there own lives to deal with and don't want to get involved.
I am a WWII Vet. ,and spent 15months overseas in the E.T.O. during the "hot war". Then we did not have the adverse press, and, I think, because of a universal feeling of" let's all get behind the war effort and the troops" such a study, if done, would have been received with disbelief. This can only be another effort to hurry up and get the troops out of Iraq before the job is finished, and another blow to the morale of our troops. I just can't believe that so many in this country seem to want to loose this war at any price. This is simply incredible. Thank God for those brave women whom have responded above, and have de-cried this so called "study.
The way the article is slanted towards stress families are under when married spouses are separated due to deployment doesn't touch on enough potential scenarios. For example, what about military personnel themselves delivering abusive behavior upon return? There is definitely something that happens to people under this type of duress that flies in the face of all the wisdom they were raised with. The fact is, deployment changes a person, and not for the better. It paints a veneer on a normal personality and creates a defense mechanism. Those of us at home can't always understand that or anticipate it. I am not a military spouse, I am the parent of a person in the military. I observed a distinct change in my elder son's personality which I attribute to his experience with his first deployment. He became very intimidating toward me and verbally combative. It was as if any respect for me as his mother was just gone, and I found myself having to turn away from him in order to preserve my own self-respect. Am I proud of him? Of course I am, in the large view. But, I miss that nice guy that was here before the deployment. I would venture that a spouse experiencing that type of treatment on a daily basis would either lash out against the kids or would tend to act out in other ways, out of that kind of defense mechanism. It's terribly disappointing. People tell me, it's the "Military Mentality". I think that more needs to be done to coach these young people how they are supposed to conduct themselves within their own families after having experienced deployment so that spouses and parents at home can rest assured that they can expect that the military won't rob the good side of these folks. I am praying daily that not only both of my sons (serving in two different branches) come home safely, but that they come home emotionally intact. I wish all the families well, and hope that more can be done to provide family counseling.
As a retired research analyst, I do believe the title for this information (article) should be: "Skewed Analysis Makes Headlines".
Let me quote the article: "Only families with at least one report of child mistreatment were part of the analysis, so the findings apply only to families with some underlying risk." "Overall, the study of almost 1,800 Army families worldwide found that reports of child abuse and neglect were 42 percent higher during times when the Soldier-parent, regardless of gender, was deployed."
Truly, the analysis only proves that out of 1,800 families, when the spouse was deployed, that 756 (42%) of the spouses left behind did not change their behavior. What is really missed, is the fact that 1,044 (64%) spouses after being caught and instructed in care giving of children, were able to change their behaviors.
A comparable study on non-Army numbers would show whether there is a problem or whether the Army is in better shape than the general public. Shame on the Army for allowing this skewed analysis to be made public. When you look at the civilian populations facts, you find the opposite. Take Texas, Oklahoma and California facts and information on abuse and it shows that over 65% of persons caught for abuse, go on to abuse again even after instruction. Of that 65%, sad to say that 3% of those folks go on to murder their children.
My analysis: Good job US Army, make a non issue item, a issue. Fact of the matter is that 30% of the world population has a IQ less than 90. Then you factor in that at least 33% of the world population is self-centered. What you have is 756 Army spouses that should never have had children, for the simple reason the are unable to change or unwilling, in essence, the children that survivor their military experience, will either have a positive attitude due to association with the military or they will always blame the military for their screwed childhoods. It's a fifty-fifty split on that. What is true is that 100% of abused children have a hard life. A large percent of those children left untreated go on to be abusers themselves. The US Army needs to spend new money on counseling for the children, and incarceration of second time offenders. I make these statements based on experience, as a Navy Brat, and a Army wife. I watched a Army community raise up in arms over a teenage pedophile, and I cried when the commanders son the "teenage pedophile", was sent state side, after ruining the lives of 15 children, the Army refused counseling for the children, as part of the cover-up. The US Army did nothing, but protect the pedophile. Am I jaded. You BET! Leave it to the Army to waste tax dollars on a skewed analysis. If the Army had funds, you can bet they would waste it, on uninvestigated childcare providers, to prey on the children. Count on it, been there, seen it.
Just remember that it is the People that make America Great, not its Government. Only the Great People give of themselves to serve and protect its People. A heart felt "Thank You" to all who have and will serve.
Lana Cane
Oklahoma
My husband has been both full time and guard- we have been married and he has been in for over 20 years, have 2 kids, and he is curently in Iraq.
What frustrates me is that even the JAMA abstract, the title is inaccurate. As Scully's Moulder said, they based the study on wives who have already been reported to have committed child abuse. What was REPORTED was as if ALL army wives were 2x more likely to abuse and 4x more likely to neglect their children. This is inaccurate reporting. THAT is the problem! It is telling a story that the study does not support. NOW can we make a logical leap that having our loved one in a combat zone is gonna be hard- Yep, sure can. So therefore is extra help a good idea- Yep, you betcha!
NOW – let's get down to what really matters here for us on a daily basis. When our husbands are away they need to know that we are their best alli and that their kids are in awesome hands- the very best. This will help them stay mission focused and be less likely to distract them, endangering their fingers and toes. Try not to take the study personally, do you want to be defensive or do you want to look for a way to help others and yourself? So listen: If this applies to you, then get help. If it doesn't, then don't put up obstacles for those who need to get help by being defensive and providing them with excuses. More inaccurate language will not help our families.
Even so, I think good can come of this. Help is being offered, we should take it and tell them what else will help: So think intelligently, what is really needed?… for example: strengthening of DOD schools, different programs though the FRG, etc. We've heard what doesn't work, what CAN the FRG/others do to help?
I have a master's in social work and a back ground in children's mental health and social research. I would like to read the full report before I say whether or not I agree with the conclusions, but I do have to say that the portion they have released really caught my eye. It just did not seem like a profound study or that it shed much helpful light on the matter. It is hard to say for sure though.
I am always curious as to why such huge dollars are spent on studying the obvious. Of course deployment is stressful, and of course ALL stressors in life will increase the likelihood of abuse and neglect by those who have a propensity for such. Deployment more so because of the incredible stress and strain that it brings — like someone else said it's a no-brainer!
It also bothers me because the spotlight gets put on a minority of people who may very well have had the same problems in their family if they never were a military family. The fact of the matter is there is no way for us to determine beyond all doubt that these same women would not have abused their children in other stressful situations as a civilian family.
A substantiated report only means that someone noticed and the authorities were called. It is not an indicator as to when the abuse may have started. It is not like a woman just wakes up one day and thinks "Hey, Bill is deployed now so I think I will beat the crap out of my kid." Uh, No.
Child abuse is not a sudden incident. It is a familial pattern that is perpetuated by poor coping skills, a lack of a solid support network and/or the lack of availing oneself of resources, unrealistic expectations on children and a lack of understanding childhood development, and often substance abuse issues and depression (there are other indicators too). These are all indicators that are present before deployment occurs — they do not just happen overnight. There may be a case once in a while that falls out of the normal pattern that is seen in child protective services, but this really does fit the majority. There are also some child abusers who have personality disorders and other diagnoses. When the spouse leaves the accountability in the home decreases. Does deployment cause these things? No, the stress exacerbates it, but these issues are already known within the family — whether they are spoken or tacit, they are obvious.
Why do we not focus on promoting what does function well for military families? Why are we not spending more time, money and effort studying things like this site? Things like SpouseBuzz connect mothers to others who can support them in a time of stress — there is plenty of evidence to show that reaching out for support and information is a proactive form of stress management. Why not pour the money spent on this study into FRGs? Maybe if we spent more time and effort studying the characteristics of the mothers who do NOT abuse their children we can understand more about resiliency and how we can build that in those at risk.
Why are we not focusing more on what is working well and how we can make it happen more often? This was always my beef in mental health, and it always will be. We can not prevent bad things from happening, but we can promote healthy behaviors, positive support systems and practical aid in learning how to deal with stress.
Claire-
You make a lot of sense when talking about the root of abuse. I must say, though, that when it comes to acquiring desired behaviors in populations, we need both approaches. We need to accentuate and strengthen the positive, but still see and address the negative. You can't have it just one way. Look at substance abuse prevention efforts (social norms marketing alone is not the end all, different approaches meet the needs of different people). They work hand in hand. There is a place for the rose colored glasses and strengthening that which works, but we also have to know what is broken. We need both.
I've seen some very impressive responses to the initial post since I last checked. I did two informal essays for my own personal satisfaction. The first is above just a bit and the second is at the link attached to my name.
I don't agree that the Army is to blame for this, nor is JAMA or RTI. This was an objective report before the media got ahold of it. Although the title on the abstract could have been better worded.
What I am talking about is not necessarily rose colored glasses inasmuch as it is using solid evidence based approaches to dealing with problems like child abuse. I know it is a hard thing to communicate through a message board, but maybe the following will help.
I am not against doing research to show the prevalence of abuse. Realistically we have to have that in order to justify budgets, jobs and building up programs. What I have always had a problem with is when that information is taken and used for practice and the focus becomes a pure medical model — and herein lies the biggest problem with prevention based social programs (in my opinion, and many others too).
What happens is we assume that treatment that focuses on prevention and even intervention, is a treatment that leads to some desired outcome that is sustainable. The truth is it really does not for the most part.
For example, if a social worker is babysitting a family and keeping an eye on the safety of the child, what does that benefit the family in the long run? If the primary focus is simply on preventing and intervening, what is the family learning other than dependency and sometimes how to cheat the system a little better the next time. What happens when that family moves again – how is this followed up on? How long will it take before the next social worker is called to the scene to once again babysit and protect?
If it is a matter of true stress related abuse and not an issue of a given pathology then what is truly needed are skills, support, self advocacy ability, etc. Deficit based programs do FOR the client — they do not allow the client an environment to learn and to own their own growth.
There is also a misguided thought that somehow the absence of dysfunction equates the presence of good functioning. This too was a prominent thought in the medical community until about 20+ years ago. When the WHO blew the lid off of that thinking by asserting that health and disease do not lie on the same continuum, social researchers started to chomp at the bit too.
We began to realize that simply "preventing" abuse is not the same as building resiliency — just like being cancer free does not mean that you are healthy — or being healthy does not necessarily mean you can't have a disease. They are two separate things altogether.
With substance abuse programs there is actually a huge failure rate. One of the programs that seems to be tried and true (and one that most professionals will refer to clients to) is AA/NA. It is actually a very promotional based program. They teach their members through cohort groups and role modeling how to be honest about their addiction, how to reach out for help when they need it, and how to rely on a power beyond themselves for help.
It's really not rose colored glasses, but rather an approach to treatment that offers long term solutions and true problem solving. Sure, there are some people who simply need to have their kids removed permanently and they need to have criminal charges brought against them. That is not treatment though — those are consequences.
I really think that the military has some incredibly strong, smart and able women within its community. There are so many resources and life experiences to benefit from– it would be wonderful if they could be somehow directed to a position of exhorting and modeling for those who are weak at the moment.
JAMA to blame? Maybe in a way we should thank them for creating a situation where so many are paying attention. Personally, however, I have much higher expectations for high quality, precise reporting on their part. Afterall, it is the Journal of the American MEDICAL Association.
Wow Claire! Bravo! I gotcha now. And I agree. Well put! Lead the way and we will follow.
It's easy to point the fingers at us military mom's,isn't it ? Well I have three kids (6,2 1/2 + 1 1/2) and this is the first deployment for our family. I can tell you from experience,that it is stressful,especially when you don't get a break ! Yes we have FRG meetings,but these are for the whole company,which means there is no, one on one talk possible and you don't really get to know the other spouses. Smaller meeting would be better,but the FRG doesn't have time for that (I'm guessing)! There is no "mom's day off" here.We live overseas in germany and even though I am german it's hard to connect to people,when you don't live in base housing (there was no available space there at the time). I tried to find friends here,but haven't really succeded yet. I feel more comfortable driving 3 hours with three screaming kids in the back seat of my car ,to go see my mom and the rest of my friends and family,than staying by myself with the kids at our house. I don't wanna know how the american mom's feel ,that stayed behind over here in germany. Being in a strange country is not easy ! I am yelling at my kids everyday. I am not proud of it,but what else can I do ? Yes the kids are sad that they Daddy is "gone" ,but they're behaviour is horrible at times. What are you gonna do,when a 6 year old tells you,that he doesn't care what you say and he will do whatever he wants ? Your 2 year old is going through the "But I Want To" phase and your baby is constantly clinging on you because he is teething and not feeling well. You still have a household to take care of and you feel like there are not enough hours in a day to get everything done and have time to yourself.
The FRG should provide free babysitters at least twice a month for each family ,so we can have some off time too. Wouldn't that be a great idea ?
We military mom's (and Dad's)try our best. If you see that we are struggeling,how about you offer some help ? Stop pointing your finger at us !
Twenty years ago during a conversation at my workplace I compared being a military wife to being a single mom. The single mom I was talking to just about bit my head off. She said that as a military wife at least I didn't have money issues and therefore couldn't possibly relate to her. She just didn't get it. I was referring to everything that's been expressed so nicely so far. It is a bear to handle the stresses alone. (Let's see a study of single moms and child abuse.) Most civilians can't possibly understand what it's like. Handle everything alone along with worrying about your spouse deployed (whether at war or not). That's why we NEED support of other military wives. Ladies, keep your heads up, keep helping each other out. Do NOT let the media generalize about military wives. It's the toughest job in the military!!
Well OldArmyWife, to be honest I really think that Military spouses have been leading the way for a very long time.
When you consider the incredible stress and strain of deployments, it is a huge testimony that more of us are not broken into a psychotic mess! I think that many wives of today and times past, have forged ahead, made due with what they had, and then they depended on the other wives around them.
I am new to the Army Wife role, but I do come from a strong military family — all Navy before my husband and son broke the tradition!
So, to be honest I think that Military Spouses need to keep doing what they do best — living their lives, doing the best they can do, and persevering in the face of great adversity. In the meantime those who are not persevering and who are breaking under the stress need to reach out. I can't imagine that there is a single base anywhere that does not have some strong women on it who could and would reach out. I bet the woman needing some guidance would learn a lot more from another wife than she would from a "professional."
Melanie you bring up a good point. Our kids, our darling little ones, will not always act like the angels that we see when they lie asleep at night. :) They will act up for all kinds of reasons. My kids are big now- 20 and 17. I will share with you all something you may already know, something I have seen in my own kids and other kids I have worked with, as well as stuff I have learned from CDs and books… at times of insecurity (like a deployment) they may act up just to test and make sure that you are strong enough to handle them. When they do not succeed in their inappropriate behavior, and we treat the situation gracefully, it sends the message- "you are a good kid and I can handle you with no problem." (therefore life is safe) On the flip side, when we wig out and make it seem like it is really hard to discipline them, they get the message "I must be a really bad kid cause even mom (dad) can't handle me". Here is a WONDERFUL resource for learning great discipline techniques: Love and Logic by Jim Faye, http://www.loveandlogic.com/. I have used this philosophy with my own kids and with kids at school. It is great. I wish I had learned about it decades ago.
Did anyone but me notice "Only families with at least one report of child mistreatment were part of the analysis, so the findings apply only to families with some underlying risk." These reports are pre-deployment. Seems to me this would GREATLY skew the study results.
Yes, I noticed that too OAW! It is a sub-set sample — not a representative sample of the entire military community. Basically they are extracting information from a sub-set of the community (those with the charges) and they are generalizing their findings to the entire community.
If anything this should show that there are families right next door to us that struggle with this, deployment or not.
Face it ladies, not all military wives are cut out for the position they've signed on to. Not every woman whose married a service member can hack it. All of us know of at least one or two who put on the face, but hate their position, no matter how much they love their husbands.
As I said before, as a community of wives and MOTHERS, we need to be opening our eyes and ears to any signs of distress. We need to be reaching out to help these kids whose moms can't handle it.
Most of all, if you take this study personally, maybe you should check your own actions. Stop defending and start helping or better yet, get help.