So that’s why I’m asking.
If you have a fool-proof method of turning cluttered chaos into uncluttered utopia, I’m all ears. If you’re looking for help, let’s hope others share!
My house was never more clean or organized or, frankly, perfect than when my husband was deployed. It wasn’t a planned reality, but it kept me busy. I had a full-time job, two girls (who were constantly sick) and two dogs.
Having a clean and organized house was not something I set out to do. In fact, I fully expected the opposite. But, I’m a control freak. And, because I had zero control over anything going on in my life at that point, it gave me inner peace to have my laundry caught up, my dishes done and my meals planned.
I waged a war on dog hair and won. I sought out and destroyed dust like there was no tomorrow. Soap scum? Not on my watch, my friends! Refrigerator in need of cleaning? Nope. Greasy stovetop? Nada.
My house was something to behold.
Then, Hubs came home. And I exhaled. Exhausted and relieved, I slacked off, I’m sure. No more cleaning parties after the girls went to bed and I couldn’t sleep. I could sleep for once, so I did. And, the house suffered for it.
Next came law school. Lordy Pete. That did NOTHING for this house but inject chaos, clutter, and unfinished projects.
I’ve come to the realization that this house, in its entirety, is apparently my work. Otherwise, I imagine others would take some initiative and do something once in awhile. I also imagine that would occur rather than the constant mantra, "I’ll help you do whatever needs done."
Help me?
Hmmm. Maybe I’m nitpicking that with a wifely lawyer’s brain, but that phrase suggests to me that all this is being viewed as my work or my to-do list.
If I posted photos, you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. I’m not exaggerating.
If I created a list of everything that needs accomplished, you’d cringe and run away screaming.
Basically, I need advice. A game plan. Tips. Tricks. Encouragement. SOMETHING.
Because, gang, I’m tired. After two plus years of running completely on empty with no vacation or break, this old girl is spent. I look around this house and I’m overwhelmed.
I have tried the "pick a room and just do it" only to find that the "room" takes an inordinate amount of time, doesn’t get done and I am behind on my daily tasks of laundry, dishes, surface cleaning, and taking the children all over God’s green earth.
I need help. I would ask the few friends I have in my town, but that would likely mean allowing them to see my house and I refuse to do that. I NEVER, and I mean NEVER, allow people to step foot into this house. Our most recent visitor, SpouseBuzzer Sarah, was the first non-blood related person to stay here in over a year.
No lie.
So, I’m begging.
Help a sister out, will ya?
What do you do? What should I do? I should mention here that running away from home isn’t an option…simply a recurring daydream.
Lay it out in comments. I can take it.
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Have you tryed flylady? flylady.net
It worked well for me a long time ago. Since we have moved I have slid back into old habits and need to vist her sit again.
I second the vote for FlyLady. Some of the "baby steps" don't sound like they would help anything but TRUST ME. Just do them and you'll be surprised how you slowly get everything under control. FlyLady also has a book out, I think it is called "Sink Reflections". If you'd rather read a book then you can see if your library has it (or get it off of Amazon.com… )
I tried FlyLady but there were just so many emails every day that I got overwhelmed.
I'm no expert on being organized but we've been working on areas of the house a little at a time for the past month and now I find that I can keep up with things better than before.
And believe me, Guard Wife..LAW's seen my house. The 800= Amway gift cards all over the dining room..
the clutter throughout the rest of the house for Op Santa. She didn't see the basement where I had the 76 stored priority mail boxes of care package items that arrived on a (no kidding) pallet. She just took my word for that. So, I doubt if I would be horrified at all.
I just had to accept that I couldn't do it all in one day. It didn't get like that in one day and it wasn't going to get fixed in one day either.
Good luck with it!!!
PS: The other thing that motivated me to get things done (other than a whole lot of houseguests, dinners and parties) was having a yard sale.
I need to reconnect with FlyLady, I suppose, but I can't have her e-mailing me. I, like SFW, became overwhelmed and always felt behind…even if I were getting stuff done.
I dreaded opening my inbox and was always thinking, "Stop harping at me! I'm doing the best I can!!!"
I guess I should have mentioned I have issues. :)
Ok, first – get a friend to help. Someone who is either organized or will at least encourage you to get rid of things. Do the 3 bins, 1 to keep, 1 to donate, 1 for trash. IF I were there, I'd be happy to assist. I did this with a friend in MN – and it helped her to have someone to would argue at keeping all the stuff. I want to do this for a living but haven't been able to – if you want some hints, just email.
LAW
and SFW – I'm available after the middle of next January – to assist with organizing/rummaging/ruthlessly throwing out.
LAW
You know..I agree with LAW that asking a friend helps but it has to be the right kind of friend.
Queen B cleaned out and organized most of my kitchen cabinets. She was a bit ruthless (LAW..you'd like her) but I also knew that she just wanted to help. She wasn't going to go back and tell folks,"God..what a pig that SFW is."
Trust is key to this choice.
LAW..you'd be amazed at what my house looks like right now.
With the exception of a closet or two, my house is clutter free. Dining room, living room, kitchen, family room (150 DVD's went out the door for the yard sale), my bedroom, my bathroom, back part of my basement, front part of my basement..all clutter free.
It didn't happen overnight but it did happen. I am more able to focus these days because I'm not agonizing over the state of my house.
I say just choose your priorities. A perfectly clean house is unrealistic, but pick a few things to tackle that will make you feel better.
For me, it's keeping everything (relatively) clutter-free, and I've just accepted that the dust bunnies will probably stay a while :)
Try the Clean Sweep way….take EVERYTHING out of the room (or closet, if you've only got a few minutes)……put stuff in 3 piles (keep, trash, donate). Then wittle the Keep pile down by at least a 1/3rd, and bring things back in, starting with the furniture (or largest items) first. Put everything in its place as you bring it back in, or make a place for it if you need to. Then move onto the next space.
This works well for cupboards and closets if you're short on time, or whole rooms if you have a day……don't tackle the whole house this way, unless you're moving!
Ramie
If you don't like the emails from Flylady, you can always go to her site and see the "Sneak Peek for the Week".
That's a lot easier for me to handle.
One thing for the Flylady thing – it does work. When I do it, my house is clean. When I don't do it (like now), I feel like I live in a fraternity house.
I would love to trade non-judgement purging with someone nearby. Can't you move to Maryland, GW?
*that should be "non-judgemental"
I always tell the hubs, "You need to leave, so the house can be clean again." :) He doesn't love when I say that, but he gest it. I'm more in control of the cleaning situation when he's gone. I've got my rhythm and schedule and it all works beautifully.
What I've found when he's home is that I have to make sure of at least two things during the day (1) never dishes in the sink because if there are, you just want to keep piling them and get to them "later" (which never happens); and (2) that the beds are all made. Those two things make me feel satisfied with my efforts and make me want to keep the rest of the house clean, like a subtle catalyst. And, if HE sees that some things are clean, he's less likely to drop a sink in the dish or clothes on the bed because it will be glaringly obvious that he's the cause of the mess. LOL
I use the room-by-room method as well. I take a large basket and a trash bag in the room with me. Everything that doesn't belong in the room gets tossed or placed in the basket. I move this way from room to room and after I finish the last room, I then segregate the stuff in the basket(s). They are placed where they belong or sent to The Salvation Army. If I have stuff left over (as I always do) that doesn't fit nicely anywhere, I place it in a large rubbermaid bin labeled "Misc. items" and store it in the attic or garage. There are some things that won't be displayed in the house, but for sentimential or other reasons I am not willing to part with. Having it out of the way and organized rooms saves my sanity…
She – I'd be happy to come up and help with the purging, after the beginning of January.
LAW
I'm with you on the house is spotless when hubby is away. My problem is that hubby is home AND we've moved. We lost our garage, so all of "HIS" stuff is in the house…sigh. I'm holding out for a January Ranger School date for him. Ha! Any advice between now & then?
BTW-I had "issues" with Flylady too…her emails were worse then the sighs the hubby gives when he can't find anything. :) Ha!
Flylady works when I follow my "Control Journal" but her emails don't do much for me.
And add me to the "house is clean when the husband is gone" club. He doesn't get it – he SWEARS that he doesn't contribute to the mess, but he does. And really, when he's home, I'd much rather be spending time with him than cleaning, which is what I do after the kids are in bed to fill my evenings. Even my ironing is done when the husband is gone. It's sad.
Hi
Okay, there are a few clues. First is that you're a self admitted control freak. You've also indicated that you look at it all and feel overwhelmed and that you've been running for 2 years with no vacations, no change in routine.
Well, no wonder you're having a hard time getting organized –you're exhausted, and I suspect maybe a bit depressed because your own goals aren't being met in the way you had wanted.
So where to start? The first thing is to admit you need to change your routine. If it's hiring a housekeeper and renting a garbage bin, then do it. I don't advocate hiring a "pro" because frankly –if you do it yourself it's therapeutic. So, yes, call the trash company, rent a large bin, buy a paper shredder, hire a housekeeper, and…schedule a spa day or two. And then have at it!
So, how's all that cleaning working out for you since Ike stormed through here last weekend? Proof that you should never clean – it just gets upended by the next storm that blows through!
You know it's bad when hubby is totally willing to pay for a housekeeper. But I refuse because I am perfectly capable of getting it done and soon, I hope! We have thrown out/donated so much in the past few months but still so much to do. Big part of the problem is being in a condo with no garage. We also recently had our living room carpet torn up and hardwood floors installed. Everything from that room was thrown into the spare bedroom (along with all of hubby's work stuff because their new company doesn't have wall lockers).
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I'm a control/neat freak so I tend to be the person that everyone calls over to help. Which is fine because I LOVE to organize (ok so I'm a bit weird)! I find it to be very therapeutic, esp. when GI Joe is gone.
For me it helps to make the bed as soon as we are up, do the dishes as soon as they get dirty, etc.
If you need help controlling a hurricane site than I recommend the one room/area at a time. Be brutal. Enlist the kids (and DH if possible)to help. They will be more likely to help with upkeep if they get the experience of doing it now.
A good book/website is: "The House that Cleans Itself" by Mindy Starns Clark. http://www.thehousethatcleansitself.com/
I think her approach is good. Her blog is also nice, since you can visit it and not have to worry about a cluttered in-box (and none of us need more clutter!).
Good luck and be patient.
Hire a professional organizer. They come in all flavors. Go to NAPO to get a list of ones in your area and then check out their websites and interview them along with satisfied clients. It's the best money I've ever spent. Get over thinking that just because you CAN organize and declutter like nobody's business means that you SHOULD. There are times when we all need help. You can change the oil in your car, too, but does that mean you do it?
I'm a perfectionist and was hit with a bunch of disasters in a 2 year period of time. Everything went downhill and the thought of starting was overwhelming. So I found someone I felt comfortable with and went to work. They can either do ALL of the work, work with you at the same time doing the same thing, or come in and work with you 3 hours at a time and give you homework to do for the next time. Homework you may or may not get done, and they will just work with you again and again until you have achieved your results.
I disagree with the whole 3 bin system and only touch once theory, along with if you haven't used it in a year throw it out. With all the moves a military family makes and changing lifestyles based on locations, sometimes much more thought has to go into the sorting process. Email me if you want more details on my experiences.