And I thought they were treasured memories

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A
few weeks ago l read a post at SisB's site that reminded me of
something from my own deployment. From another commenter, I know I
wasn't the only one who experienced this and I was hoping to hear some
of your stories and feelings about where the letters you send end up once a deployment ends.

Before
Seadaddy left for his deployment we went to a craft store and bought
three unfinished wooden boxes for us to keep our deployment letters and
postcards in. I let Seadaddy know that in addition to whatever Navy and
Army things he had, I was adding painting the boxes for both my
stepdaughter and myself to his predeployment checklist. He was able to
work on them, but they weren't finished and his bigger box was not even
started. I really just wanted to have a specific place with a Seadaddy
touch to keep these things, especially since my stepdaughter wouldn't
be around for every mail call moment at our house.

Perhaps I should confess
that I knew if I was lucky my husband would feel inclined to write about as much as
Sarah's husband
. So, in an effort to help keep myself from being a
bitter betty and hit him with a subtle hint the size of a sledgehammer, I set about making him a special wifeunit deployment
folder of ocd goodness. I printed out pages of his APO address on
address label paper. And pages of address labels of all of our family
and friends he might want to send something to. I also bought some
postcard paper. I found some online resources for coloring pages and
put the image of Cinderella and other stepdaughter favorites on some of
the postcards. Then there were some that said 'A Special Message From
Daddy/Seadaddy'. Or my personal favorite 'Greetings From . . . Wherever
I Am'. Last in there were some blank cards and a notepad with some envelopes. I am pretty
sure he was all set to go. And that I possibly do in fact have control
issues.



I know he didn't use up all I sent with him, and except
for a couple address changes and forgotten ones from the first go
round, I didn't need to send him anything additional. But I think this is something I'm going to repeat in the future. I saw everything Seadaddy sent to my mom still hanging up on her wall when I went out to see her a month ago. I still
go through my box from time to time. And even more exciting, we are
getting close to the time when stepdaughter and I can go through her
box and she will be able to read her dad's words all by herself.

But Seadaddy's box is rather empty.

One
day close to his starting the journey home, we were talking on the
phone and he told me all nonchalantly that he had burned his mail. I
was slightly horrified. He was insistant that there was just too much
and it would be ridiculous to bring it back or ship it back and most importantly - he had
wanted to do it. My husband was coming home. Soon. I did my best to let
it go and not make disappointment lead to some kind of fight. But can I
just say, I was hurt! He was there when we bought the boxes. We bought
a bigger one for him since he would have many people writing to him.
Why did we do that if he was just going to dump them in a burn bin and
have them turn to ash?! I figured there might be some that didn't make
the trip back. The classes of the brother and sister in my sister's taekwondo school might not have made the cut. But the first one I wrote
after we found out we were having a boy? The first one I sent
after Little Man was born? Some of the awesome stepdaughter drawings
she did in cards we sent to him? These were things I imagined we would
keep around until they disintegrated.

And as I was reading the
comment that someone else's spouse burned their expressions of love to
a crisp
I must have smiled with relief that I was not the
only one that had experienced this, because Seadaddy wanted to know what it was that made
me smile. So I gave him the particulars. And he says in as much
accuracy as time allows, "I love you Jenn, but I won't ever be able to
make you understand. I needed to do that. It meant it was over. There
was so much stuff and going through some of the things as I threw them
in and remembering what they said and being able to know I was rereading them for the last
time, I needed that. I can't ever make you understand."

But the
truth is as soon as he said it, I really did understand. He had just
never said it that way. It doesn't make me wish any less for his box to
have more in it than it does. But I truly do understand. I am glad he
got that moment to bring himself closure and assurance his deployment
was over. And I am so glad he found a way to let me visualize what
everything all of us sent meant to him. I like that I can see him with a big box, going over things one last time before adding it to the flames.

Plus it reminds me of the story he told me of a different visit to the burn bin and someone else's unopened can of potted meat loudly exploding and flying out of the bin past his head. He told me he got a bunch of dirty looks from people in the area once they figured out it came from him and how he resisted the urge to go up to everyone and convince them it wasn't his master plan to make a loud boom on base and he was smarter than that. I can *so* picture him all mad at the injustice of it all. But at the same time knowing he had a great way to make his wife smile during the next phone call.

So, what happens with your letters and cards once a deployment ends? Does your spouse have a special place for them in your house or do they get left behind before the journey home? I saw Toad is with me on the subtle as a sledgehammer assistance, but does anyone else give their spouse a little help with writing supplies?





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