We receive email like this one from CG, all the time:
Most of the email asks about how to get through a deployment (more on that later), but here we have a wife who has been married for quite a while and is just starting her journey into military life. On top of the inevitable deployments she will face, she is new to military culture. When I married my husband, he was already in the Army so we didn't take the plunge together, but I would say that CG is off to a good start. The fact that I received this email tells me she has been on the internet looking for places like this one where spouses congregate to share their experiences. Plus, she's asking for suggestions, which is wonderful. I'd definitely tell her to find a virtual community and dive right in.
Anyone have advice for a wife who is just entering the ranks?
This is a perfect time for me to write more about Marc Maxwell, an Army veteran and DoD guidance counselor. Marc is the author of the fabulous book, 365 Days: Surviving Military Separation. This is a daily activity guide for the families of deployed service members, a journal and so much more. I can't recommend this highly enough for those of you who are dealing with a deployment. We spoke with Mark a couple of weeks ago on SBTR and it was an interesting conversation. Marc gave us some valuable information that I was unaware of.
If you feel you need help, whether you feel overloaded, stressed-out, are having trouble with reintegration, whatever it is – the Army is now offering a program that will give you a few free, one-on-one sessions. The great thing about these sessions is that they are confidential and the counselor does not take notes, so there's no record of the visit. There is a stigma and a worry that seeking help will adversely affect the career of the service member. These sessions are for the spouse, children or the service member. Although the program is currently set-up for the Army, Marc tells us that nobody will be turned away.
I asked Marc when someone should seek help and his reply was simply – If you're at the point where you're even asking the question, then you should seek help.
More on the program below:
The Office of the Secretary of Defense (OSD) recognized an emerging need to provide information support to Soldiers and families in addition to resident counseling services at installations. The Military Family Life Consultants (MFLC) Program uses licensed clinicians with Masters Degrees and at least five years experience in Social Work, Counseling, or related clinical discipline. Consultants are trained on military specific topics including basic orientation to the deployment cycle, military culture, the chain of command, and reporting requirements in accordance with Army Family Advocacy Program.
MFLC is an Army program designed to provide anonymous, confidential support to Soldiers and their family members, especially those returning from deployments. Units that return from deployment may request Life Consultants through Army Community Service. Program serves active duty and mobilized National Guard and Army Reserve soldiers and their families.
How Can MFLC Counselors Help?
MFLC Counselors can help you and your family problem solve with issues resulting from deployment, reunions, reintegration and other times of change including:
Marriage and Relationship Issues
Family Issues
Stress and Anxiety
Depression
Grief and Loss
Anger management
Parent and child communication
Soldiers and families are entitled to six prepaid, face-to-face counseling sessions.
CALL: 1-888-755-9355
To listen to our 30 minute spot with Marc, click here.
About Andi
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Just wanting to let CG know, my fiancé just joined the Marines about 4 months ago. We've been together 8 years and it was very difficult (and still is) for him to be gone so much in the beginning. Your daily life (especially with 3 young children!) will keep you plenty busy and that helps the time go by quickly, but it is still hard.
It's easy to get down about it, and though your family and friends are there, it's also easy to feel like you're being overly whiny after a while (at least I do). Finding a place where other mil spouses come together was a relief for me and I hope it will be to you- finding people that don't constantly tell you "Don't worry the time will fly by," is definitely a comfort. Feel free to email me if you want to talk. It's a road that many have traveled before us and are still doing now- we are not alone.
I suggest taking the Army Family Team Building level 1 class (AFTB). It's like an Army 101 for Families–what do all the acronyms and terms mean, what is a chain of Command–who does the 1SG think he is keeping you at work?, military resources, etc. You can take the class at Army Community Service. In person, you get to meet other military family members and the content is more specific to where you are. The instructors are other milfams, too, and they make the classes fun. You can also take it online at http://www.myarmylifetoo.com. The benefit of this is you can do it at home in your PJs.
Other branches/services have similar programs.
Who nows? Maybe a few years from now, she'll be teaching AFTB :-).
There are so many military activities on a military base to get involved in go to any military base and there are activities for you and your children to include family activities. Friend yourself with spouses who are supportive, strong and encouraging. If you ever meet misery, he wants company and you should run as fast as you can. ACS means Army Community Services is very helpful. Find out if they have an arts and crafts or create an idea gather up some friends and make it happen. Avoid clubbing, partylife as much as possible it can lead to trouble. Take short trips with your kids to local amusemnt parks. Take classes. Stay strong and supportive.
Oh yeah there is also MWR, which means Morale Welfare and Recreation. Checkout the http://WWW.AFVC (means) ArmedForcesVacationClub too, my hubby and I just stayed for 1 week in TEXAS at a resort and what a blast and the price is right! Enjoy!
Stay focused stay busy stay positive. Trust God if you beleive, and stick with other three if you don't.