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Crossroad…

We are pretty well settled in to our new duty station. Our PCS went rather smoothly, surprisingly enough, with a few hiccups along the way. We were able to visit family and take our time getting here. We have wonderful neighbors and there are lots of kids for our kids to play with.

My husband starts his military school tomorrow and the kids start school on Tuesday. And I, well… I'm at a crossroad and can't decide what I want to do with my life while we are here for 10 months.

I have always worked, gone to school, or volunteered. After spending 4 1/2 years (off and on) in grad school and only working 18 months after graduation, I feel this NEED to find a job. And on other days I don't want to work. I have spent hours on the internet in search of a job. I have applied for jobs, but with no offers for an interview. I am frustrated, yet relieved that I can do whatever I want without the restrictions of a job.

My husband is very supportive. He has told me to do what my heart desires. The problem is – I'm not SURE what my heart desires. I am trying to be patient. Trying to do some soul searching for myself and my family. Trying NOT to go nutty because I don't have a "routine." There's a lot of volunteer opportunities on an Army post and I am already committed to a few things. I look forward to getting involved on post and seeing what other opportunities may evolve. But I am also very impatient when it comes to this "up in the air" kind of thing.

I discovered after my son was born (9 years ago) that I was not cut out to be a "stay-at-home-mom." I have HUGE amounts of respect for mothers who don't work outside the home and focus solely on their children. I can't do that and I am okay with that. I have gone through the heart-wrenching dilemma of whether or not to return to work after my son was born. I lasted 5 months… I started grad school when my daughter was only 5 months old. See the pattern here? I have only been out of work for about 7 weeks and I can already feel my anxiety increasing (more and more as the kids' first day of school approaches…in 2 days!).

I know that one day the light bulb will go on and I'll know what I am meant to do at this time in my life. And I know I need patience. I also know that I am not very good at the "wait and see what happens" game. Anyone else going through something like this or maybe went through something like this recently? Please, share your stories…

About Joan D'Arc

Joan D'Arc has been an Army spouse since 1997. She started her marriage as a geographical bachelorette and experienced her husband's first deployment before their first wedding anniversary. Since then, she has had two beautiful children who amaze her (and frustrate her) every day. Joan fought her way through graduate school and is now a Licensed Social Worker. Joan enjoys volunteering with Soldiers' Angels and giving back to the military community in any way possible. Joan feels very blessed to be an Army spouse and wouldn't trade this life for anything!