Every year, I have to say goodbye to both my husbands.
My husband made friends with a single soldier in his language class when we first moved to this duty station. Originally he was just my husband's friend, but over the years I've come to see him as my friend too. While my husband is deployed, I call him my "deployment husband." He does all the things for me that my husband would normally do: lug boxes up and down the stairs when I'm pregnant, check the air in my tires, mow the grass, etc. And in return I would cook or bake for him and try to give him dating advice, though I haven't been on a date in ten years and things have changed A LOT since I was lookin' for love. But every few weeks we'd get together and have dinner or see a movie. My husband called them our Mia Wallace dates, after the platonic date John Travolta and Uma Thurman go on in Pulp Fiction. (And no, I didn't get any foot rubs, though my pregnant legs would've appreciated it!) He sees me as "just one of the guys," and most of the time I felt like his sister, or maybe even his mom: when he and his father came over for Thanksgiving, I bossed him around the kitchen like I would my own husband. And taught him to make gravy.
This friend of ours, my deployment husband, is in a different branch and on a different deployment cycle than my husband. His are always staggered a few months later. So every year, I say goodbye to my husband. And then a few months later, I have to say goodbye to my deployment husband. And while it's not nearly as sad, obviously, it still is another goodbye to another soldier I care about and who helps take care of me while my husband is gone. It's always a low point in the deployment cycle when I have to say goodbye to my stand-in husband too; it makes me feel even more alone.
And who will take down my Christmas lights for me? Or take me to see Ninja Assassin?
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Seriously, see Ninja Assassin by yourself if you have to. There's an extended sequence where Rain is covered with oil and doing yoga introspectively… purely for character development. He is SUPER hot.
Ah yes … there is a ringing of familiarity in my ears, as you see Sarah, I too am a deployment husband; a wing man to a couple spouses in areas where the The Boss' duty location have been. It's what is done, esp. for good friends. And though strange to the auslanders to the military spouse community, being a deployment husband is always up-front to the world, and with chivalry to the spouse. JUST LIKE IT WAS WHEN I deployed o'seas, and the men who helped out my wife. God Bless 'em, every one.
Now, he's leaving you to serve. It would have me singing the blues, on many levels, knowing a dear friend, compadre, cohort in crime … is leaving too. And not just simply "going away," but he's a United States Soldier going into harms' way. Knit him one glove, tell him he'll be in your prayers, and that he can have the other glove once he returns …
Call me when you're ready for the lites to come down … I'll see if I can swing by!
O&O,
I never had a title for it until I read this, but, ah yes, I have had deployment husbands and wives (aka friends that stand by your side, fix meals, hang out with you, can fix a washing machine or baby stroller). I have been a deployment wife myself and farmed my husband out as a deployment husband to friends and their children.
It is such a great feeling to know that we can depend upon our military friends, our military family, to help us get by and get things done when our spouses are away. And it is great to return the favor when their spouses are gone.
My husband has his 'work wives' (who are actually other guys) at his civilian job and in the Guard. It's funny b/c their friendships serve very specific purposes in very specific settings & it isn't even like they hang out outside work hours. :)
The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 11/30/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.
http://www.thunderrun.us/2009/11/from-front-11302…
This post was funny to me :) I've never heard of so many people in support of "lending out" their spouses for the need of others. It's definitely commendable, and I'll probably understand it better once I live on base; but for now I find it interesting :)
Deployment husbands… I will have to tell my husband about that. I'm always lending him out. :)
During DH's first deployment in 1998 we had a mutual college friend who was at the same duty station. DH asked this friend to "look after me" while he was gone. I never had a name for it until this post – this friend was my "deployment husband."
I have also loaned out DH to other milspouses and have borrowed my fair share of husbands during other deployments. It's not the same when you live in a "non-military" community, although I was lucky to have good friends nearby who let me borrow their husbands when I needed some heavy lifting done.
Sarah, my heart is with you and your "real" husband, as well as your deployment husband. May they both return safe and sound.
Yup! I called DH's bud "my surrogate spouse." It all started during DH's first deployment when I had a furniture repair guy at the house. He was really creepy looking – so I called someone to come and protect me from the creepy furniture guy. Surrogate spouse or surrogate husband was what all our friends used to call him. He ended up doing double duty that summer when another friend of ours deployed and he stepped in as a surrogate spouse for that household too!
This is so funny! I just thought – my deployment husband is my brother. something clearly is wrong calling him that. LOL.
HA! i have a "stand-in" husband too! he's my hubs best friend. they met and roomated in iraq for 15 months. he comes by once a week to check up on us, replace water softner filters, fix toilets, or anything we need done around the house in exchange i cook him dinner and send him home with lots of leftovers. otherwise he'd just eat cereal or spegheti-o's all week.
what a blessing!
How sweet! I know one day soon I will be saying goodbye to my husband and my son. That really will be tough!