It seems with military life, we're always "settling." I don't mean settling in the "settling for less" way. I mean settling in the sense that military life is ever-changing. Military families are always moving and settling in a new house and a new community. Settling into new friendships and relationships. Our spouses are often gone for lenghty periods of time so we settle into a routine when they leave. And when they return, we settle into another routine.
Settling. We do a lot of that.
At our very first SpouseBUZZ LIVE event in Killeen, Texas, we featured a panel which focused on the emotional part of military life; combat deployments, reintegration, etc. There wasn't a dry eye in the house and we had to cut off the line of spouses waiting to take the microphone because we simply ran out of time. The next few events followed much the same course. Spouses yearned to talk about the tough stuff.
After each event, we send surveys to attendees and ask their opinions about the program to see how we can improve it. Over the past year or so, I've seen a trend develop, both with the surveys and in person at the events. Spouses aren't nearly as focused on the emotional aspect of military life. They want to laugh. They want to bond, but they don't ask many questions or offer many stories about the harder side of military life. This is interesting to me.
The military community had to pivot almost overnight after September 11. Combat deployments became the rule and not the exception. We've been at it almost nine years. The fear, worry and sleepless nights will never go away while we're at war, but based on what I've witnessed, I'm wondering if the collective community has "settled" into a new normal?
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I've only been a military spouse since 2006, so I don't know what it was like pre-9/11. A life in which I live in fear of deployments and IAs to war zones are all I know! So for me, it's always been the normal!
This American Wife – Bingo! You hit on a point I want to make in a separate post. That being that those who married into the military after 9/11 have no idea what it was like to be be a spouse during peaceful times. War is all they know. I'll elaborate further later, but even though this is a factor, the spouses who once shared heart-wrenching stories or asked about how to handle tough issues just don't do much of that anymore.
Based on the very unscientific data that I'm touting, there's been a shift in attitudes, moods, whatever you want to call it, and it's been interesting to watch this trend develop.
I have been a military spouse for 30 years and I lived through the 9/11, the day the world changed as we knew it. Prior to 9/11, there were different "Operations" that took the military away for long periods of time that spouses had to endure. However, the one thing that is unique about military spouses is their strength and flexibility. We endure and face many situations that others cannot relate to. When you look at other military spouses, you can sometimes see the fear, the worry and the tiredness of living through another long deployment. Yet, past all that I see strength and resilience that makes me proud to be one of them! Military spouses are truly special.
Like This American Wife who commented above, my tenure as a mil spouse didn't begin until after 9/11. Only about a year into my husband's military career, he was deployed to Iraq. So like she said, this is all I know!
BTW, I loved meeting you over the weekend. The conference was SPECTACULAR. It was my 1st and definitely not my last. Thank you for an amazing weekend!
Great observation, Andi. I have noticed that as well. I think we (most of us) have become accustomed to deployments and dealing with hardships in our own way. I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that so many of us have dealt with deployment(s) that we turn to our friends for support much easier than before. I also think that there are so many more resources and supports for our military since 9/11 that we have more avenues to get through the tough times. Just my two cents.
On the other hand, laughing is a way to cope with tough times and I think we have gotten to a point where we just have to laugh at things since we don't have much (if any) control of the tough stuff.
But in the end, we milspouses bond in such a way that when the s**t hits the fan, we know we can count on our friends to help us through.
My husband and I married after his fourth deployment to the Middle East. We went through an engagement while he was deployed and I have to say that with a good support network, life wasn't all that difficult. I was already in a routine and didn't have to change much. I believe that the fact that I lived my entire adult life surrounded by military (in San Diego), deployments were just another fact of life. You say goodbye, you go on with your every day life, you pray for their safety and sanity, and they eventually come home or you cope with your losses (of which I've had many, being that I've been involved with the military community for 10 years).
What killed me was moving away from everything I knew and my family and friends. We moved from San Diego to Illinois not even 2 months after being married (a little more than 3 months after his return from deployment). Not only did I learn that "shore duty" didn't mean I'd get to see him all the time, but I got a crash course in the disgustingly bureaucratic world of shore Navy. We're back in the fleet now (back in San Diego) and even though I'd have to say those 3 yrs in Illinois were the most difficult I've ever been through as an adult, they prepared me for the bureaucratics of the military and showed me that not everything is as it seems on the surface. It taught me to be more understanding of the sailors who report to my husband … and to be OK with the late nights and inevitable changes that continually come with the job.
I am blessed to be back where I have such an amazing support network of friends and family. With their unconditional love and support, I know that if need be, I can make it through another move … and that I can definitely make it through another deployment! I am finding comfort in helping spouses new to the military life in coping with the changes … helping them helps me to see things clearly.
I love being a military spouse. I wouldn't trade my job for the world. Nothing so far in my life has been so fulfilling and challenging.
I was wondering if anyone knew anymore about the IKEA military discount. I went to an IKEA last weekend and they said they don't have a military discount.