My least favorite thing to do when my husband is away is dealing with mechanics, contractors and repair men. I'm not a helpless little female, and I can handle a lot of minor repairs myself, but I don't know the technical ins and outs of major repair work and unless I've been referred by someone I know and trust, I'm always trying to figure out if prices I'm being quoted are reasonable, or if I'm about to be taken for a ride. All I know is something is broken and needs to be fixed. But the main reason I don't like to handle this when my husband is away is that I occasionally suffer from PMSS. Paranoid Military Spouse Syndrome.
PMSS afflicts some of us. It's that delusional state-of-mind when we think someone is out to get us. They know our spouse is away and it's a perfect time for them to take advantage of the situation. No, it's never actually happened, and isn't likely to, but when my husband leaves something odd occurs in that mass of cobwebs I call a brain. I go to extreme measures to ensure that people don't know, or even suspect, that I'm home alone. Even though I employ extreme measures, I begin to wonder if someone is following me home or is plotting to break in, kill me and steal everything we own. Or maybe they just want to make an extra buck off of me.
When I go to see a mechanic or have a repairman over, I already have my speech ready. It's the one where I plan my words with mass sprinklings of "my husband' so that they know my husband is home. Even though he's not. It's really rather silly because there never seems to be a straightforward conversation with these folks and I always get busted.
They often ask me something that I can't answer and I say I'll have to "ask my husband and get back with you." Loved the time when the air conditioner technician asked me to call my husband right then and there. My husband was in a meeting at the time. At least that was my response. Actually, he was In Afghanistan…. I'm sure it was rather obvious that either I borrowed a wedding ring and was lying about having a husband, or that my husband is away. No matter. I continued to bend over backwards touting the fact that my husband is indeed home and hoped to convey the message, "Don't even try it, buddy. He's a soldier and he'll pull out a can of whoop-ass so fast it'll make your head spin." The A/C tech was probably the nicest person in the world, but PMSS made me see him as a possible deranged killer. PMSS is an awful affliction. It truly is.
In addition to PMSS, I suffer from DTY. Not to be confused with DITY or TDY (both horrible things in their own right). No, DTY is "Don't Trust You." Not only are you likely to break in my house and cause me great bodily harm, but since you know my husband isn't around, despite my comical attempts at making sure you know he is around, you're probably going to pad the cost of the repair or service and try to take advantage of me.
What's a gal to do?
First of all, there is power in advertising. I succumbed to all of those Service Magic commercials and I've begun using them for estimates. Working out well so far. Secondly, I purchased a home warranty. Those two steps have cured my DTY because I can get as many estimates as I want and feel good about knowing that the price I settle on is fair market price for a service (renovations, landscaping, etc.), and the contractors have been screened and haven't dismembered a body and left it in the attic. With the home warranty, I don't have to worry about someone inflating a price. I'm covered no matter what happens.
As for PMSS, my husband is home, so for the time being so I'm cured. But I'm sure all sorts of ridiculousness will occur once he's gone again…..
About Andi
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Andi, I just get all in their face.
"And remember to knock when you come by to check the water pipes! I have to put my TWO PIT BULLS in their kennel. Oh, they're just wonderful dogs – they love everyone. Such a bad reputation, really. They're as loving and LOYAL as anything. They'd NEVER LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO US."
We all have our own manifestations of PMSS. :)
This posting rings true to me. Right after my husband returned from deployment and was completing DEMOB our house was broken into at about 3am. There was a HUGE welcome home banner up in my yard so I don't think the person actually knew my husband was gone but I tell you what… Now every time he is gone I am overly paranoid about this happening again. I can't sleep in the dark and I have a loaded pistol next to my bed.
I am also paranoid that someone was stalking me and knew he wasn't actually home yet and didn't really want to rob me but rape me! I have never felt so great to have my husband home most nights now
I have experienced both of these to some degree. Unfortunately it doesn't help when your kids tell everyone on the planet that your husband is deployed and they call you on your "lies" when you try to tell people that hubs is really home. "Mom, why do you lie and tell people Daddy is home when he's really in Iraq?" Ummmm…
Just don't get so paranoid you turn people in over nothing because that has torn my friend's life appart. He got in major trouble for stalking a women he doesn't even know. She turned him for stalking and he was ordered to stay away from her, is now under watch, almost got kicked out of our neighborhood and was told to never approach any women on post. They gave him a name and we started asking around because he doesn't know who she is and yet has been ordered to stay away from her. I found out she lives 3 houses down from him so of course he has followed her home before. Neighbors say she carries pepperspray and warns everyone to stay away from his house. He can't even go with his kids to the park now. I guess I am saying don't get so parnoid you turn in a neighbor for stalking when he is just on his way home from work 3 houses down from you. He now has that on his record and has to try and get a lawyer involved to clear his name. His wife and kids have been hurt and now they are worried about what the accuser's husband is going to do when he gets home from deployment.
Angela, that's terrible! I really hope and pray that your friend can get everything cleared up. How sad!
I also hope the woman who turned him in gets the help she needs – she obvoiusly has a paranoia problem. And I am not saying that with malice – I don't look down on folks who need counseling at all. I'm one of those who get counseling to help me learn to deal with my problems.
That is a terrible story, and a worst-case scenario. Poor guy….
Don't worry. I know that my imagination can run away at times and I know when I'm being irrational, and it seems to only crop up when my husband is away. Wrestling with irrational thoughts during a deployment is one thing, but ruining someone's life is quite another. Hope it gets straightened out for him!
in 1 week my husband will be away for training. i keep telling myself everything will be alright and i won't have anything to worry about unless the car breaks down. now, i can feel the paranioa creep down my spine.
it had occurred to me that something horrible could happen, but i wiped that from my mind immediately…now…it's going to be a little harder to keep my brain from running away from me. still, that's better than getting trucked over right? LOL