This morning as I was going through emails, my daily blog reads and facebook updates, the doorbell rang. Unexpectedly. And for a moment, my heart raced as I pictured a Marine in dress blues standing there.
Then I remembered. The Dark Prince was upstairs sleeping and NOT in Afghanistan.
I think, just as it takes us a little while to get into the mode, it takes time to get out of it. And just as every deployment is like a snowflake (although I say it's a yellow snowflake), everybody does different things to cope with it.
For me, it wasnot watching the news after a certain time of the evening, sticking to watching really bad syfy, not turning down my cul de sac before checking to see if there was an official vehicle waiting for me, and not opening the door or answering the phone before seeing who it was.
Those were some of the things that I did and as I sat here enjoying the fact that doorbellswill not cause me panic anymore, I wondered what you all did or do during a deployment to cope?
What does deployment mode mean to you?
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I am constantly aware of how lucky I am – due to DH's job, I have never had those sort of feelings during deployment. I am infinitely more worried when he is driving around DC.
I'm glad that you can relax a little more now.
Thanks, maam. :)
I went a bit numb last time. Like I was sleepwalking. Maybe b/c it lasted a year. I didn't watch the news at all that time. (The first time I OD'ed on news.)
So glad your son is home!
Deployment mode for me is about just going through the motions. I live, I work, but my mind is elsewhere often and sometimes it just feels like I'm not really letting everything or everyone in. I'm on hold until he returns. Then I remember to squeeze everything out of life.
Never watched the news! Ever! Wore some form of USMC clothing everyday (shirt, sweatshirt, sweatpants…I'm sure it got annoying to some), would also go numb when there was a knock at the door…never answered without looking to see who it was. What if it was CACO? Would I not answer the door? I too went through the motions, but was on auto-piolet. Kept busy just doing for our kids.
I quit watching the news 3 deployments ago-the media are horrible and do not do our service members justice… Even now, with my Sapper NOT deployed, but just gone doing training at Fort Polk or NTC, I sometimes feel myself panic at a doorbell or the phone ringing, because, "train as you fight" means things can still happen. That said, any one of us can get into a car accident, which is actually more likely, and I think we all know that logically, but fear and insecurity aren't always logical. I think it's sort of like the service members who have been deployed-they never totally come back; though they are home, they still have their constant vigilance (loud noises will startle them). They're still in survival mode. And so are we.
Deployment Mode = Lack of sleep for me….
I have a friend in the Marines who emails me constantly saying everything's good, he's safe…but it doesn't stop the nightmares.
I have another friend who is planning to marry her love before he gets shipped off. He's the type that would take a bullet for a stranger. I don't think she realizes how difficult watching the news and hearing people talk about the war is going to become when her heart is out on the front lines.
Deployment scares me. I've known people who died in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't romanticize war like I used to. My brother-in-law is joining the Air Force and I already have bad dreams. None of us know what is going to happen at any time in this war.
During deployments I live on the Internet, waiting to get a glimpse of him (he's not one to call much, he rather IMs or emails). I don't go to bed before 10pm and I am semi-conscious around 6am, because in my mind, those are the times they'd come a-knocking. I scan the neighborhood for official vans. I don't even go to the BATHROOM without my phone. I repeat the mantra "Daddy will be home soon!" to my daughter until none of us can hear it anymore and soon becomes another four-letter word…I am so glad I got a break from most of it right now, even though with his job I still spend sleepless nights and dread those knocks…
Glad your warrior is home!
I'm preparing myself for our first long deployment…he's been in for 10 years, and only done one 4-month deployment, but now is preparing to be gone for a year. I find I am already dreading him being gone, and getting all teary and emotional. I'm actually afraid of how I am going to deal with things, though I know I can…I just am not prepared for this.
Our family's year long deployment to Afghanistan will end in less than a month. I've gone thru the motions every day and get it all done but never quite feel focused. I too turn the corner on my street and look for the government car (it's nice to know I'm not the only one). It feels good to tell my 2 young daughters that daddy will be home soon and know that SOON is just around the corner.
I stopped watching the news, would panic everytime I heard the door bell, carried the phone with me everywhere I went at home, and hurried home when I went somewhere so that I would not miss his call.