Men Are From Mars: On Marriage to a Soldier

Soldiers are the ultimate task-masters. They appreciate black and white. They understand clearly stated objectives and how to meet them. I’ve found over the many years I’ve been married to a soldier that it’s difficult — if not impossible — for them to leave this trait at the office or in the field. While having a solutions-oriented husband is a big plus in many ways, most in fact, sometimes it’s a minus. This realization clubbed me over the head in a very real way recently when my husband and I were sitting on the patio after dinner and I began telling him about a professional irritation I had recently experienced. My frustration began pouring out, and it was a cathartic experience. I immediately felt better just telling my husband what had happened and talking through possible ways I may handle the situation.

My relief turned to despair when my husband proceeded to offer suggestions with all the seriousness of a drill instructor whipping his recruits into shape and taking the “this will make you better” approach.┬áBy the end of our conversation, I fully expected I’d wake up the next morning with a Field Manual, SOP memo, series of “taskers” and a power point presentation on the way forward. Perhaps, too, there would be a plan on psychological warfare.

If someone wants to know how many pieces of equipment are necessary to meet a stated goal, or how to survive in jungle, desert or mountain terrain, my husband would be a good person to ask. He has a little experience in this area after 20 years in the Army. If, on the other hand, someone wants to vent and is not in the market for a solution, my husband becomes a bit disoriented. His first instinct is to attack the problem, just as he has been trained to do.

I love my husband. I truly do. But I live and work in the world of emotions and personalities, not numbers and strategy. Sometimes a talk is just a talk. I don’t expect or want him to fix everything. Although, I must admit I love the fact that he wants to….

About Andi

Andi is married to an active-duty soldier and is the founder and former editor of SpouseBUZZ.

She is the founder of the Annual MilBlog Conference. The MilBlog Conference is the premiere event of the year for military bloggers. President George W. Bush, U.S. Representative Adam Smith, GEN David Petraeus, LTG Mike Oates, LTG William Caldwell, RADM Mark Fox, MG Kevin Bergner, MG David Hogg and The Honorable Pete Geren have addressed previous conferences.

While living in Washington, DC, Andi was the Ambassador to Walter Reed Army Medical Center for Sew Much Comfort, a non-profit organization which makes and delivers, free of charge, special adaptive clothing for wounded service members. Andi has worked with several non-profits to help our wounded heroes and their families. She finds that work to be the most rewarding and meaningful of all.

Andi strives to find humor in the good, bad and ugly of life and is a firm believer that laughter has the ability to cure most ills.