Once upon a time, when I did not know anyone in the military, had not experienced deployment and had not witnessed the meaning of sacrifice, Memorial Day was a time for parties, a few hours of body surfing in the Pacific and a huge fruit salad.
Since marrying into the Army all that has changed. Now Memorial Day is for me a time of reflection, heart swelling pride in my country, fond remembrances of those who have given their all and tears for their families. And while the reality of the holiday doesn’t stop me from thoroughly enjoying myself with friends and family, it does change my focus and give me pause.
It’s the same with the American flag and the National Anthem. Just like Andi, every single time I hear or sing the National Anthem tears come to my eyes.
In retrospect I’m surprised by how long it took for this Memorial Day transformation to take place. It wasn’t until after seeing deployment first hand that sacrifice was no longer just about putting up with stateside field absences and weird work hours. Knowing personally so many who had made the ultimate sacrifice made it real and gave it the meaning it should’ve had to start with. Memorial Day wasn’t just this general, ambiguous thing anymore — it became real to me because it was so very real to them.
Growing up my husband used the holiday to plant flowers on graves of distant family members. We have modified this tradition and instead tend the graves of forgotten veterans of wars long past in the most neglected and forgotten cemetery we can come up with.
Those we memorialize likely wouldn’t want us to give up our holiday enjoyment on their account. But that doesn’t mean on Memorial Day of all days we can’t stop, think and thank them and the families they left behind for their sacrifice.
What Memorial Day traditions does your family have to help you remember and memorialize the fallen? Inspire others by sharing your ideas in the comment section.
Find Military.com’s Memorial Day coverage, including some neat videos and tributes, here.
About Amy Bushatz
Comments
I, too, grew up with no one I knew in the military. My mom made sure we knew what the holiday was about, but I never appreciated the TRUE sacrifice until I married into the Navy. And then became part of the Navy myself.
It goes both ways. I never really got the meaning of Memorial day until I was in the Marine Corp. Now it is a day to remember and honor those that made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. Every time I look at the flag it brings me joy and sadness at all that has been fought for it and that some people don't realize or even care. Thank you for writing this article and spreading this information and sharing a very unique way to celebrate and honor the fallen. They are gone but never forgotten.
Cpl. Burky USMC
On 7 February 1968, 20 Marines died in a convoy ambush near Hue Vietnam. I was wounded and did
not get the honor and priviledge to die with them. 43 years later, I finally realized that I was speared so
their deaths and stories could be relived and told by me. It is up to us living to never let their bravery be
forgotten. That is what Memorial Day is all about. They live through me, especially on this Holiday.
Cpl. Joe, USMC
A Hundred Big Salutes to you my co-Vet ……… God Blessed America and lives thru the smiles and tears of our country's warriors and patriots …… Have a Great Memorial Day and Thanx again from one patriot/vet to another.
Thank you, sir, for your incredible and continuing service to America in reminding us to honor the fallen of wars past and helping their memories live on.
thank you Amy for such a wonderful heart felt letter..as a navy vet..it is very lonely and heart braking when you watch your family disappear from the distance as the ship sails on and so the same for the family left behind.. back then we can only communicate with letters and may receive a letter several weeks behind and sometimes try to piece the messages in sequence and hoping that everything have turned alright… thank you for the understanding and now such a compasion…I just wonder sometimes these others that do not have any relation that is the military if the realy realize the sacrifice that a military family have to endure..also if any of our government officials realizes the same and not use this holiday for a photo op..and reconsider the declining support the military retiree are receiving thourgh our elected government.
That's right, Joe! Tell it, brother. Write it down, too, so that many more generations may hear your story.
I know what you feel.
Cpl. D, USMC
1969-1970 Viet Nam
Having 5 brothers in the Marines when I was in my teens. I was always proud of my brothers. In a time when they were not honored. They come home and got spit on.(vietnam). I always remembered them. Now a Mother of 3 Marines.I understand what my mother felt when they left. I keep a flag up all the time. I have one that reads "SOME GAVE SOME SOME GAVE ALL". When you see a solder tell him Thank-You for your service and always honer our fallen..on their day and every day of the year.
GOD BLESs ALL OF YOU
When I was a kid I used to go to the Veterans cemetary on Memorial Day and put a flag on my fathers grave (he served in Vietnam as a Marine rifleman)! Eversince I was 3 years old and I was wearing my dad's piss cover (right after he passed) saying "I am going to be a Marine like my daddy" and I did when I turned 17. I enlisted in the Marines and served 8 wonderful years and then I spent another 3 years in the Army Reserves and did a deployment to Iraq with them. Memorial Day means alot more to me now then it did when I was a kid; its a day to reflect on my fellow brothers in arms that did not make it home and gave their lives for their brothers on their left and right and for the freedom we enjoy everyday. This Country was built on the fighting spirit of Patriots and Memorial Day is a day to thank them for their service and tell the stories of those who gave the ultimate sacrifice and keep their spirit alive! Rest in Peace brothers…you are never forgotten! Semper Fi
Amy, Thank you for the article. Memorial Day is bitter-sweet. A day to celebrate our great country, and to remember those who made it this way. I am the 3rd of four generations of those who have served in my family. It was truly an honor. As I write this the fourth generation, my son is currently underway in the MED. For those families and friends of the fallen; thank you and God bless. To my brethren who have made the ultimate sacrifice, rest easy, you are not forgotten.
Display those flags!!
BM1(SW), USN, (Ret)
I and 8 older brothers have served in the services, to include the Army Air Corps, US Army, US Navy, US Marine Corps, and US Air Force. My oldest brother served in WWII. I am the only one who made it a career, USAF 1966 – 1988. Memorial day has a special meaning to me, I too am proud of my families commitment and service. I have an flag pole in front of my house and fly the flag every day – I will fly it at half staff from sunrise until noon to honor all those who have served and all those who are now serving. God Bless the USA,
Harry, USAF SMSGT RET.
Memorial has a special meaning this year. My husband, Major Jeff Ausborn, was killed in Afghanistan on 27 Apr 2011. He and I both served in the USAF. Unfortunately, I was able to retire and he was killed one year short of retirement. What a great man! He will be remembered forever for the giving the ultimate for his country. He loved being a pilot for the USAF and volunteered to teach Afghanis to fly the C-27 aircraft. Freedom is not Free….
Suzanna, You are in our prayers.
Suzanna — I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for the sacrifice you and your husband have made for this nation — it will not be forgotten.
What a great commitment to remember them. Don't ever feel guilt, for coming through, when buddies may have been crippled or killed. We all should consider that those we care about, live on through our memories, be they Military Buddies, Civilian Friends, or Family members. It is a good positive outlook.
Thank You for Your Service…From an old Army Spec4.
My wife, a soldier who retired after 21 years in the service of this nation as a result of illness contracted during Desert Sheild/Storm, joined many of my fallen comrades of the SE Asian Conflict…I gather one day, I will join them too…I hope they did not die on vain.
The men in my family served military except for those who fell youngest (my dad being one). When I was younger I did not understand what it meant beyond putting flowers and flags out on the graves of family. Then as I grew older in Girl Scouts we'd put flags by every white grave, yet I did not really think about it until I was older. In high school my grandfather finally explained to me what he did during his service. From there I began talking to my cousins, uncles, and aunts. I learned so many things from them, and I am grateful. I have a meaning to Memorial Day now because they were brave enough not only to serve but share their stories with me.
My father served in the Navy as a Torpedoman's Mate on the USS Peidmont in World War II. I grew up watching him serve in the American Legion at Flag Ceremonies, Funerals, Independence Day parades, and Memorial Day Services. Every year my Mother–after making sure his uniform was clean and taken care of and making us all help my Father load the rifles into the car — packed us all up and we went to the cemetary. We would help her put flowers beside so many gravestones and watch the Memorial Day Services. I loved watching my Father, who took the role of Seargent at Arms, and his men fire a 21 gun salute. I have continued this tradition on my own when I left home. This year I will go services on Monday with prayers for my husband, SSG Randy Clark, who is serving along with many others in Afganistan. Something I am proud to support him in. My husband told me that he doesn't like it when people thank him for his services on Memorial Day. He says that day is for those we can't thank in person. So thank you, Suzanna, for your and your husbands sacrifice. This holiday is something I will continue to teach my children, just as my parents, by their loving example, taught to me.
Nice article thanks.