Hi everyone! Im Kristle, and as Andi mentioned just a little bit ago, I am brand new to SpouseBUZZ. I am totally excited to be here and if you can’t tell, I am a little nervous. I am always a little nervous when it comes to introductions, particularly to those who are still military spouses. I struggle so much with being the epitome of what could happen.
I thought I would start out by telling you how this all came about, and for many of you who may be dealing with TBI/PTSD, this will probably sound very familiar. In September of 2006 my husband was deployed for what we thought would be just the standard year-long deployment. Half way through they got extended, totaling my husband’s time in Iraq to 16 and half months. The deployment was very hard. There were so many times I was sure our marriage would not survive the deployment, but we made it through, and I’m sure you all know the feeling of relief that comes over you when your Soldier is back in your arms.
Unfortunately for us, this was just the beginning. When he returned home in 2007 he was someone else. He was angry, and unreliable, he was un-trusting and anxious. He did strange things that no one could explain, like slamming on the brakes in the middle of the interstate because he “thought he saw something.” It killed me to see him this way, but the sole mention that he should get help pushed him off the deep end. Eventually things got really bad at home. I always said the first time he laid a hand on me I would be gone, and here I was forced to make that decision.
If we had not had a child, I’m not sure things would have been that way, I probably would have stayed. Seeing my husband removed from my home by Military Police that I used to work with was probably the hardest, most humiliating thing I had ever done. These were people who once referred to my husband and I as the “perfect couple,” people who sat back and watched as I struggled to single handedly take care of my son and be a Solider while my husband was gone. They helped me plan care packages, and watched as I used what little free time I had to write him a letter every day. How could this be happening to us?
I thought I was doing everything right. My husband was mandated to attend anger management and to stay in the barracks until I was ready for him to come home. From there things started to make sense. His counselor at anger management suggested he get an MRI because she felt there was more going on than just anger. The MRI led to more advanced testing, and that ultimately led to his diagnosis of Traumatic Brain Injury/ PTSD, and a multitude of other health problems that we were previously unaware of. This would change our lives forever.
I went through a period where I was really angry. I felt that he wasn’t telling me things, that he lied to me about being okay while he was over there, but once that wore off and I was able to see things more clearly, I made it my personal mission to learn everything I could about what was going on with my husband so that we could create our new “normal” together. It’s been a year since his medical retirement, and things are changing for the better. While he may never be the way he was before, we are learning how to compensate for his shortcomings, and I believe that this will be our key to success.
Our journey has been full of mentors, organizations that have helped us along the way, and also those who need to be mentored. For me, helping others has been my therapy. I love hearing that my story inspired someone, that something I said in my blog helped someone else through their struggles. Helping other spouses realize that they are not alone in this struggle has been the greatest gift. I look forward to sharing my knowledge, resources, and experiences with you all as we continue down this journey toward healing. I feel it is my duty to share my story because this story is not just mine, but that of thousands of Military families affected by war.
About Kristle
Comments
Kristle, thank you for sharing with us. I look forward to hearing more. You are a brave and strong woman and we can all learn from you.
Kristle, thank you for sharing your story with us. I send you many many throughts and prayers! Kudos to you for sticking by your husband through this. I look forward to reading your blogs. Thank you for all you do!
Kristle, I'm so impressed that you are willing to share your story with the world and that your marriage has made it through such a tumultuous time. Thank you for your service and for standing by your husband as he battles the emotional scars of war. You are truly a hero in my book!
Thank you all for your kind words! Your support means the world to me, I would not be anywhere near where I am without that! Part of the reason i'm here is to help provide that support for others who may be going through the same things. Feel free to drop me suggestions as to what you all would like to see from me!
Thank you for sharing your story, Kristle, and welcome to SpouseBUZZ!
Kristle for one welcome! and two thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you are going to be a wealth of information for those going through something similar.
I do not know you Kristie, but I certainly am sending you an air hug!! :o) My husband has suffered from PTSD, OCD, and severe anxiety (which started before he joined, but has only progressed). Although difficult at times, I for sure have not had the experiences you have had. You are truly a military angel!
Hi Kristie, my name is Commandant Stephen W. Streep United Stated Marine Corp League (RET.) I served as a Chaplain before being promoted to Commandant and simply want to say,"continue with your writing as iit good for you your family, and so many others who are working their way through one of the most difficult situatiions this country has ever had to face over time…..You must continue with your work as the lord has blessed you and yours assisting so many lives you touch in a very positive way!!!!! in the shadow of Gods wings, Commandant Stephen W. Streep USMCL (ret.)
Thank you for your support! Exposing my vulnerabilities is always scary, but you are spot on in saying that the Lord has blessed me and I will continue to follow this path that he has for me! Thank you for your service as well, it is people like you who lit the path for the rest of us!
Kristie~
Thank you for your blog. I have a question for you. You mentioned that your husband had an MRI. What were the results of the findings? I am looking specific, clinical terms. I know about TBIand PTSD, but I wonder if your husband is suffering from hypopituitarism, as well. I am doing research for the wife of a Vietnam Vet who died of a Brain aneurysm, and the VA has been telling her for 28 years, that it is impossible for him to die, 15 years AFTER he returned home from a Xubarachnoid Hemorrjage. He died at age 38, and they are saying it was congenital. She described the same symptoms that your husband suffered, when HER husband returned from Nam, after TWO years in-country!!
Sandy, thank you for your support! As far as what they found, they didn't really call it anything other than scar tissue, because they couldn't exactly pinpoint how old the scars were, what they were from etc. He has not been diagnosed with hypopituitarism at this point, but the symptoms are there. I am not a dr, but judging by the things they notice in my husband as well as others, I would encourage her to continue to fight because the brain swells, and all it takes is a brain to swell a little too much for a vessel to burst and cause the type of bleeding that could have cause his death! I hope that as medical professionals are figuring more and more out about these conditions that she gets the answers she is looking for!
Kristie~
Sorry for the typo……I meant to type that her husband died of a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage!
Wow! First of all, Kristie, welcome to SpousBuzz! And second, I wanted to applaud you for actually sticking around. I'm sure most wives would have left at that point that he laid his hand on you—and nobody would have judged you at all for that. But you stuck around and helped your husband figure out what was wrong. I'm anxious to hear more about your story and experience.
Thank you Jessica! It has not been an easy road that is for sure, but we are getting there, and I hope that my story can be the light at the end of the tunnel for other families!
WOW!~ you are going above what other would have done and would have left him by now..My husband was in Irag from Jan 06 to May07 and he was a Medic and rode convoys…when he came home he was a different person and he told me that he will never be the same and I remember my heart just sank in my stomach. He does have PTSD and has only been to the VA to counsel about 5 times and that was in 2008. He has anger issues and we had problems with our marraige whn hecame home,,,, needless to say I need some advice here..Help
Wow Kristle, I am amazed at your courage and commitment. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing your story. It took a lot of courage to report your husband and even more courage to stay with him. With domestic abuse in the headlines, it's easy for people to judge victims and question why one would stay in a scary situation. Only you know your husband best. Not them.
My husband suffered from TBI/PTSD from a car accident in Iraq last year and I often wonder what I would do if he started to show erratic behavior. I too have that rule of leaving if he ever hurt me. Even though we made a pact to always be honest with each other very early in our marriage and even before every deployment, to seek professional help AT THE SMALLEST SIGN that anything was "wrong", to pay for therapy with our own money if we had to, I always knew that admitting in his job (or anywhere in the military, I presume) that seeing a shrink was looked down upon. Luckily he's got a handful of advocates who are looking out for him. (And I call upon them too! :) ) Thank you and God bless!
In what way would giving up on her husband have been "Easy". Both the decision to stay or to go are painful and chock full of positives and negatives. Good for her for sticking it out but for those who don't they aren't any less brave. There is never an easy answer to domestic issues especially where children are involved. I know you meant well in your compliment, but that statement is a total slap in the face to others who let NO mean NO and tolerated no physical abuse, regardless of what triggered it.
It's good to know I'm not alone. I always feel like it is me doing everything wrong, at least that is how he makes me feel. Its so disappointing and saddening to see how our relationship is taking a turn for the worse, but in my heart I know he needs me here. I try to stay positive and keep my hopes up that he will soon return to the person I fell in love with and not the angry man that PTSD has made him.