I belched in the shower the other day. The belch itself isn’t so remarkable, really, as is what happened afterward.
I said, “Excuse me.”
In the shower.
Alone.
Now, I’m a born and bred southerner, and manners are ingrained in my very soul, having been imparted to me right along with the Coca~Cola in my bottle. My upbringing is probably why I pardoned myself to the shampoo bottles and soap. I have noticed, however, that not everyone feels the same way I do about manners.
For our last duty station, we spent two years in the northeast, where people tend to be more… abrupt, shall we say, than I was used to. They get down to business without much of the small talk that is part of the ritual here in the south. They don’t really comment about the weather, and they never ask whether you’ve tried that new Mexican food place down the block. Sometimes, they even act a little miffed that you have the audacity to ask them to do their jobs.
I realized that I’d become accustomed to it when we went home to Texas for block leave before our PCS overseas. My husband and I spent some time walking around the Galleria in Houston, where we received a hale and hearty, “Hi, welcome to {insert store name here}!!” for every store we entered. Each time, it startled me that they were so loud or that they even cared that we had arrived. And that struck me as sad. What’s so wrong with being friendly?!?
Personally, I’m obsessive about “please” and “thank you.” My children rarely receive what they’ve asked for until I hear a “please”, and I insist that they say “thank you” afterward. We’ve worked hard to teach our son, who is 7 years old, to stand up straight, make eye contact, give a firm handshake, and say “Pleased to meet you” when he’s introduced to an adult. Our two-year-old daughter is in training for the same thing. They say “sir” and “ma’am” to everyone over the age of 20, as well as anyone who has a position of authority or wears a uniform.
Additionally, we are teaching our children the importance of proper behavior in proper places and at proper times. They are learning how to behave when the pledge of allegiance is said, when the national anthem is played, when they are at national monuments or places of importance on military bases.
Now, this may all be part of my upbringing with a little military etiquette thrown in, but I wondered if service members and their families work harder than the general public to instill manners in their children? How important is it to you that your children address others, specifically service members or even NCOs or COs, with proper manners? Do you insist that they use “sir” and “ma’am?” Do you think that military children, in general, have better manners than their civilian counterparts?
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I absolutely get where you're coming from. As another born and bred southerner, it was ingrained into us from birth. I wasn't so strict with my daughter from when she was young and quite frankly, I regret it. I always thought it was rather pretentious, but now I see it more as being respectful. So younger moms, take not: if not, you may wish later that you would have.
I don't have kids yet but I fully intend to emphasize the respect thing with them. Being a southerner myself I practically trip over myself to say "please" and "thank you" and show basic respect to everyone, whether they're my husband's CO or the teenager refilling my drink at a restaurant.
Kids have to learn basic respect and regard for other people, otherwise they become those brats who yell at their teachers and, later on in life, become those adults who talk on their cell phones in movie theaters. Basically you're laying down the foundation for how they're going to interact with people for the rest of their lives.
It's definitely easier to start when they're younger!
I do think military kids have better manners. When we go "home" I always get compliments on how well behaved my children are and how well they use their manners.It sometimes just kind of blows peoples mind when my son says ma'am or sir to someone in public. I'm not saying my kids are perfect but they know to be on their best behavior in public and to mind their manners! My husband tells me I am the manner police, because without them my kids don't get whatever it is they are asking for. I guess maybe I try to teach them to be proper because I do occassionally take them to military functions and I want them to know how what is expected of them, not only at functions but also at the store! Makes life a little easier I think!
I'm laughing at "manner police"! I'm the same way, and I think I'm going to start calling myself that!
I think it depends on what you're used to. I grew up in the far northern "mid-west" and it was much more friendly there than I find it here in the south. People would stop if you had a hood up on the car and it was normal to ask if somebody needed a ride if they were walking. I rarely saw a hitch-hiker but picked up enough people who were walking down the highway.
But I'm starting to think that it comes down to more of a small town versus larger city thing. Anywhere you get stationed tends to be larger than the "small towns" of America. Naturally, people will care a bit less about you because they'll only ever meet you once. Same goes for work ethics. Bigger towns and cities have more job choices whereas small towns you only have so many options.
For what it's worth, I grew up in a town with a population of about 200. We weren't even large enough to be a town but considered a village. The closest Walmart was a good 50 miles away and the nearest bank 30 miles. Everybody knew everybody or somebody who was related to them.
Excellent point about the small-town feel vs. the big city; I've found that to be true, as well. I'm from what used to be a smaller town. Even now, when I go home, I make sure I have something of a decent appearance before I leave the house because I invariably see someone I know!
As a grandmother of nine, I like this article very much and offer the following suggestion. In a society full of bullying and self-centered children, it is helpful to teach your children the benefits of consideration for others and being polite as early as possible. The Magic Word is a book emphasizing good manners, which can be read to toddlers. It is a rhyming story of a little girl who was rude, selfish and demanding – and had very few friends. Her mother suggested that she needed to improve her manners; so when she went to school the next day, she thought of her mother’s advice, “What is the magic word?” and she started saying “Please” and also “Thank You”. She tried to become more thoughtful of others, and discovered that she was a much happier person. The repetitive use of the phrase “What is the magic word?” has children answering “Please”!
Up here in the northeast we actually find it quite polite to stay out of each other's business. What you see as rudeness we see as the utmost in manners – personal space. When I'm down south I simply want to scream at everyone "MYOB". Lets not turn this into a north vs south thing. Because, that would be bad manners.
My intent isn't to start a second civil war. Mostly, I was noting how my thought process had changed after spending two years in the northeast and then returning home. I recall being sort of confused at responding so differently to something I had been used to for the first thirty-mumble-mumble years of my life.
While we were living in the northeast, no one ever took the time to explain manners in the northeast as you have here, so thank you for that insight.
I'm a southern girl temporarily living in the northeast due to military orders–what you call "personal space" is just a nice way of covering for the general public's rude, self-centered behavior!! Give me the South any day – glad we are moving to Arkansas, far away from New England!
Oh my goodness. Now see, that's exactly it. You see it as rude and self-centered, and I see it as extremely snooty and bad manners to discuss this sort of thing in public. Polite people in the north east don't air their dirty laundry in public; be that gossip in the grocery store or cattiness at the PTO. We just do our thing and get on with life. And we don't spend a lot of time whining about it. On public forums. :) Enjoy Arkansas with it's high unemployment, obesity and illiteracy rates. I'll take New England any day.
I definitely think mil kids get a special dose of lessons on how to behave, but it isn't universal. There are some holy terrors around here, just check out the commissary on a Saturday afternoon. I'm from the north east, now living at a post in the south and my experience has been the opposite. I see a lack of manners and that "southern small talk" you speak of, desperately impairs the efficiency of workers. We (North Easterners) get a rap for being abrupt and rude, but we really aren't. We chose to skip small talk in areas of life that don't require it because it wastes people's time. That's not to say we don't small talk, we just have a good understanding of when it's appropriate. We help our neighbors, smile at strangers and act as good Samaritans when duty calls.
As for manners, 'please and thank you' are nice but I have never in my life seen such a lack of attention to public health. I'm a nurse and I feel like I should wear a mask out in public every cold and flu season. NO ONE covers their coughs and sneezes here. No one reminds their children they are supposed either. I would rather kids (and adults) learn not to sneeze or cough directly in my face (and mouth – it's actually happened to me more than once) than say "thank you."
It's funny that you should mention viewing small talk as impairing efficiency. We are in Italy now, and I feel the same way about the Italians. They talk longer, louder, and with much more feeling about everything from orange juice to soccer to the Pope than anyone in my hometown ever did; I get exasperated because I can barely understand any of it, so I just want to get my stuff and get home! We just spent Sunday afternoon and early evening at one of the local malls, and it was like nothing I've ever seen. TONS of people at the mall, all hanging around in groups of 5-10, having loud conversations and making it nearly impossible to walk down the concourse. It's all relative!
As a substitute teacher having live in both the north and south I would say the southern kids are more respectful, have better manners and are better behaved as a whole. I don't think it has anything to do with military vs. non-military.
We're in Germany, and apparently once you step off that plane you no longer have to teach your children manners or even control them for that matter. There are just heaps of small and bigger children here and their manners are appalling. Yes its a generalization, but I believe it to be the rule rather than the exception. I'd almost go as far as saying that in this military community, the average use of 'manners' is worse than in the civilian world. It's sad not to mention downright annoying. I was raised to always say please and thank you, to use nice table manners and to respect my elders. I'm all grown up and those lessons stick with me.If I have children, those lessons will be passed onto them.
This is truly hilarious!
I currently teach at a middle school that is mostly military, and I used to teach at one that was 0% military. The greatest contrast between the two is not manners as much as a sense of entitlement. The kids non-military school were SPOILED while the kids at my current school realize they can't act that way. Now, some might have more money than others, but they don't wave it in the other student's faces. We do make it a point to make it clear to them that the rank of their parents has no bearing on how they're treated in the school, as well as on how they should treat other students.
Depneds on wha tyou mean for manners I live on base and never had so many kids just walk down the middle of the street not even caring if there is a car behind them with no parents in sight. It is like parents think that cause the base or post is fenced that they cna just let there kids run and have not taught them about how to be safe or how to ride there bike around the person walking there dogs……. Maners is more then just saying yes Ma'am no Ma'am