A few weeks ago, I wrote about a friend of mine who was posting a countdown of her husband’s homecoming on Facebook. I asked your advice about whether or not I should try to talk to her. Y’all came through for me, and gave me the boost I needed to gather my courage and talk to her.
As we were walking out of a meeting together, I asked her how her husband was doing, and mentioned that I had noticed that it had been a few days since she posted to Facebook. She said that he was doing well, and that it was x-number of days until he came home.
I took a deep breath and said, “Look, I am hoping I can say this without offending you… and I’m hoping you just don’t realize how your posting his homecoming date is kind of unsafe. I’m only bringing it up because I have a couple of friends whose husbands’ homecomings were delayed because another wife posted that same type of information on Facebook, and I would hate for the same thing to happen to your husband.”
I could tell that she was embarrassed, but I gently pressed on to tell her how I don’t want to make her feel bad, but I also didn’t want her husband to get in trouble.
She responded by saying that, actually, someone else had already spoken to her about it, which was why she hadn’t posted recently.
I mumbled an apology, and the conversation sort of awkwardly ended there.
I guess I’m glad I said something, but I ended up feeling that I’d overstepped my bounds. The good news is that we’ve seen each other a few times since that conversation, and there doesn’t seem to be any residual feelings of awkwardness. We’ve said hello to each other and had a couple of brief conversations about other things, but I still feel weird.
Have you had an awkward encounter like this recently? How do you move on??
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I am a naturally awkward person, I have decided. Last week I went to a movie with a girl I met on facebook, yes, a mom date. There were some quiet moments when neither of us had anything to say. I struck up a conversation stemming from an earlier chat I thought we had. She didn't really seem to know what I was talking about. During the movie it occurred to me that I had not been talking to her about that. I didn't know how to bring it back up without looking like a fool so I just let it go.
I'm sorry, but I'm chuckling at this… I've had those exact moments, where I finally decide to just let it go and pray that they don't bring it up, either!!
I applaud you for saying something to her! I'm finding myself in the similar situation on Facebook with another wife, but unfortunately I don't know her outside of FB and probably won't see her in person. I thought of commenting on her status with just "OPSEC!" but didn't want to get anyone angry at my husband, because her husband is a higher rank than mine. I'm not really sure what to do with this, but she has stopped posting detailed comments, so maybe someone has already said something. It's a tough situation, but the safety of our Soldiers is most important! I'm glad your situation has been resolved!
"OPSEC!!!" has been my gut instinct for a lot of things on FB, too. So far, I've been able to squelch the desire to scream it from the rooftops. Actually, I feel that posting confrontations on FB is rather cowardly. Whenever possible, conversations should be had in a private manner, face-to-face if possible. Even if they end awkwardly. :-/
Posting to FB may not be the best option, but perhaps an email or message through FB would be better, if you don't have a more personal option.
That's true, but even then we all have had instances where the written word is taken with the wrong tone. It can be tough.
Periodically I provide a link to the OPSEC page on my blog. I just put it on my own page, and hope people click through to read it.
All I can say is trying to be "PC" here is way over the top! If you have something to say that affects you or your family, say it.. Why you would even worry about "awkward" or "offending" or "embarrassment" is just, plain, silly. And to post this "situation" here is even sillier.
I can think of a certain command who needs a refresher in this. They destroyed an NCO for sending a private message to a jr enlisted servicemembers spouse politely asking her to stop talking about dates of return. Nowadays, it's more important to not hurt anyone's feelings than to be safe. Unfortunately, I think it's going to take a major catastrophe before some of these inept officers get that this is an important issue. They seem to forget the bad guys want to hurt more than their feelings.
I'm not worried about being "PC". In fact, I detest when people get worried about it. Some people get all worked up over nothing.
What I DO worry about is truly hurting someone, like my husband and his career by overstepping my bounds. Or like this sweet young military spouse who needs all the support she can get while her husband is away and she's home alone for months with their toddler in a foreign country, two months after they get here.
Besides, I wrote in the original post that her husband and mine aren't even in the same branch, and my husband isn't even with her husband. It doesn't directly affect me or my family, which is why I was worried about overstepping my bounds.
Yes, it's "tough love" to bring it up to her, but that doesn't make it easy. Some of us actually care about other people's feelings, and want to help rather than hurt.
I'm not worried about being "PC". In fact, I detest when people worry about it. Some people get worked up over nothing.
What I DO worry about is truly hurting someone, like my husband and his career, by overstepping my bounds. Or this sweet young military spouse who needs all the support she can get, while she's alone with her toddler for months on end in a foreign country two months after they move here.
Some of us actually care about other people, instead of only selfishly worrying about what only affects our own little world. I wrote in the original post about how my husband isn't with her husband, so it doesn't directly affect me… t's "tough love" to have a conversation like that, which is what makes it hard.
I've had an awkward conversation just like this, and I worded it very similarly to how you did. It went . . . okay . . . I think this type of thing needs to be said though, as tactfully as possible. My brother's whole unit got delayed two weeks in Iraq in a dangerous place because someone's family was posting the date on FB. People just need to stop that and if someone didn't that message for whatever reason (and I believe there are legitimate reasons), they need to be gently told.
Doing what's best and doing what's right aren't always the same thing. Everyone will agree preventing injuries and death for our deployed military members and keeping our military members safe from predators are best. Protecting people's feelings and careers may be right but are they better than the alternative?