The working life. It’s tough! And when you multiply it by two and toss in a few kids, let the fun begin…. Have one or both of those workers be military and you may need professional juggling lessons!
People do it every day and seem to succeed, but under the surface there can be questions that plague them. Are we paying enough attention to (insert people and things here)? Being overwhelmed and guilt ridden is very common.
Every couple and family has a different set of circumstances and responsibilities so mindset is a good thing to focus on in general.
An already challenging life can be made more challenging when there’s no communication between the couple. Expectations should be laid out for everything. From child-rearing to grocery shopping to housework and emotional support. People can’t read each others minds. Not even the one of those they love the most.
If you don’t want to come home from work to unexpected company looking to you for dinner, the time to bring it up is before it happens.
My husband and I couldn’t have done it if we adhered to ‘roles’. One half of the couple doesn’t have to be the one to cook and clean daily or calm the crying baby alone. These are things that can and should be shared to ease the burden on both people. We did what needed to be done around the house when it was identified. Our morning pattern developed organically and we stuck to what worked with full knowledge that either of us would be doing the whole routine alone at times. Recalls were very interesting to say the least….
The key was staying organized and ahead of what our duties and children could ask of us at any given moment. ‘Ahead of the power curve‘ if you will. It wasn’t always easy and we sometimes fell flat on our faces, but our minds were of the same philosophy and that was comforting to both of us. It got us through classes, studying for promotions, deployments and TDY’s.
Taking the time to plan things out, speak your expectations, compromising and respecting each other is an investment in your marriage and careers.
Know that there is help for yourself and your marriage starting with MilitaryOneSource.
How do you manage as a working couple?
About Seasoned Air Force Spouse
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We do just as you said and it works beautifully (and we have a housekeeping service that comes in once a month for a top to bottom scrub down). When I am out of town for business (like this week) hubs is in charge of taking care of the pets and kids which he does beautifully (dog goes to work with him when possible, kids are in school).
We've never had an issue with being dual career, and honestly I don't have any guilt about who gets what attention. They all have a roof over their heads and food in their belly and on most days I'm home by 5:30 to spend the evening with them after school (the crockpot is my best friend).
An added benefit that my husband has told me is that he doesn't feel the pressure that the weight of the world and our livlihood is all on him since we both earn just about the same, and live off of one paycheck. If he decided to get out it would be a relatively easy situation. Growing up poor I swore I would never worry about paying bills like my folks did and we don't have to (and hopefully never will have to) it is a glorious feeling.
Could not live without the crock pot! Great call on learning from the past. :-)
My ex-husband and I were both Dual Military in the Navy. He is still in while I am out. We were once upon a time High school Sweet Hearts. the Navy changed him for the worse. The once polite guy became mean and aggressive. When he was home from Sea Duty, it was sad. He never wanted to be home. I know this is not the case with all Dual Military Families. We for one got married way to young. He was 19 and I was almost 18. I knew several couples that they too where dual, some to this day are still married and others are not. Do I miss the Military life style, sure do. I say good luck and hope anyone who wants to try to go for it.
My wife and I are dual Military in the Navy. She is currently out and I'm going to be Sate side for awhile. We have a very new marriage, i.e less than a year. We understand the difficulties of family life and our chosen service and we did discuss all the roles and responsibilities to make our marriage work. Since I'm State side, I can and do look after my wife's accounts and make sure she has all she needs so she can focus on her job. I can expect the same from her when it's my time to go on deployment.
With all of the discussions prior to her leaving and hearing what it would be like from more senior military members, I thought I was prepared. The separation is much harder than I thought. I have this constant sense of loss now that my wife is not around and she feels the same way about me. Though my of job keeps me very busy, but when I have a free moment my mind wonders and I think about my wife. She tells me that is she is the same way. We exchange several emails every week depending on her Optempo and we call each other while she is in port. Even with this relatively frequent contact, I still wish that we can email daily and I do check my inbox every time I'm at the computer for her email. I can only imagine how much hard it was back in the day of snail mail and the expenses of long distant calling before internet voice calls. In any case, I have a question for anyone still reading this long post. I can't stand the feeling of not having my wife with me, but I do enjoy my job and am considering staying in and the possibility of making it to command. If the both of us still feel this way by the end of our contract we will both leave the service because the separation is just too much for us. So my question is: Does it get any better or do you get use to the separation time? Is there any support groups or service on/off base I can talk to about helping to coupe? Thank you for reading.
For everyone it's different for each separation but I found we have an emotional and logistical routine we get into. I can pinpoint what I most likely will be feeling based on the sep. date. Of course when the relationship is a good one, it hurts no matter what.
You sound like you guys have a great plan for taking care of things and that helps a lot to have someone taking care of things.
There's online support for spouses or you can look into Military Life Consultants who meet w/ you off record and off base. Check out Military One Source for information.
Work, exercise, stay busy and make goals for her time away. Take a class you always wanted to, read the books you put aside, treat yourself well, save money or whatever healthy activity that can make the time go by. We look at the separation as a positive growth time for each of us and as a couple. Good luck to you both!
With an economy like this one you almost have to have both couples working in order to survive. My husband and I are very supportive of one another (including our careers which makes it easier.) We understand that it is not always going to be 50/50. Sometimes, it is 90/10 or 70/30 depending what is going on with our lives. You have to know and understand your limitations as well. It is okay to say "no" to things that you cannot cram into your busy schedules. We also make sure we are reconnecting with each other as well. We take the time to talk about our schedules, goals, dreams and re-organizing roles within the week/house to make it work. Outstanding organization is wonderful. It keeps a busy schedule going and going much like the Energizer Bunny. If you have things organized it will save you time and effort. Plan, plan and plan… even time together. You can always find time for family and one another. My husband and I with work, college, clinicals, coaching cheerleading/dance, zumba, PT, volunteering, etc… You can have it all. Make it work!