I’ve been posting since the summer of 2011 about military life, news stories and deployment tips.
Our deployment ended in the early days of December and we went through the process our way. Just us, our photographer, his boss, Commander and a few colleagues. Perfect. I truly appreciate single arrivals after the things I hear about the larger, group arrivals.
Reintegration. Can I tell you about the good? As usual, it’s from our own perspective but it started with the joint decision for me to meet him alone. The kids only had two hours of school left when his flight arrived and we needed the time to get him situated before the inevitable ‘attack’ of excited little people. He was better able to handle that after starting his acclimation to our life and home.
No relatives by choice. The last thing we need is confusion and stress. After the things he went through during the deployment, a softer landing was the better one. I could tell that was right by his tears that came with our first hug. Relief. Peace.
He loved the Build A Sign that I had customized with his photo. Then it was time for the dog to lose his mind at seeing his daddy.
Nearly a month later, I can report that yes, there were bumps. However we talked a lot. Reintegration is about every member of the family. We all had our time to express how we felt. As parents we made joint decisions on how to approach the excitement and anxiousness of the kids.
Everything is not for everyone else to know or have input on. I’m talking about the complaining on Facebook, to family and friends. It’s a process. If the process is off the rails there are ways to deal with it with while keeping your self-respect.
We’re facing the next phase which consists of back to work and promotion testing, but I think we’re doing a great job on the whole. Secret? Communication, compromise and not letting what you ‘think’ should happen rule the day. Do what’s best for your marriage and your family. Bend to pressures and you will be adding unnecessary challenges to the mix.
Just wanted to let you know that some reintegration times are pleasantly boring, happy and healthy. For those that aren’t, you know you can reach out to your medical provider, Chaplain, Military One Source or Military Life Consultants. They are skilled in helping.
About Seasoned Air Force Spouse
Comments
Great post. I like to read about reintegration alotl. My soldier will be leaving around Nov for his first deployment. We had some reintegration issues when he came back from basic and AIT. So I'm trying to learn all I can for a smooth transition. Information is power =)
Thank you. Keep up the communication, especially with expectations. Good luck to you guys.
Hi…I have ?..maybe somebody can help me? I met a guy on line. says he is a soldier./ Army deployed to peace keeping missio/ western region of africa. This was a dating website we met on is a nice guy. My concern is…he told me I had to send email to his base to request his leave…no biggie-did that. Then I get response bck asking me my relationship w/this man destination. No biggie. told them. Then I get resp bck saying there is a proc'g $500 USD to get his leave papers to him. Biggie. Is this legit? I asked him abt this & said I don't have $ to send for you to get leave so we have a problem. He said dont worry abt it & I didn't have to pay it & he had some financial issues & owed money & til he was paid up, he is not eligible for leave. Anybody heard of this? Am I being scammed? I haven't sent any $ but I really like this guy. He has sent me photos..of him in his uniform – .I sent email to usarmybase1@gmail.com to request the leave.. Any help? Anyway to know how to validate his exisence in the service?
OMG! runaway! it's a scam. money for leave!? WHAT?
hi from West virginia there is guy I meeting also over online he is desperately want to come see me but he told me i had to email to his commander to request his leave and how long and all that and commander peter from afghanstan said that i pay 350.00 well i send back I couldn't afford it so okay he send back said 150.00 okay why do we have to pay for them come home isn't that crazy??? he told me us_militaryvacation.com or something like that but its commander Peter email and gave me form for him to leave but had to give him time and month and how long that kind of thing …I don't understand why we have to do that and also guy told me only way allow to come home to girlfriend that we have say we are their finacee which don't mind but don't understand why asking for money for them come home and I wondering if its a scam or not someone ought to know ?????
Scam!!! A military member does not pay to get their leave time, and I've never even heard of a process in which anyone other than the military member themselves requests leave. Not to mention, contacting a soldier's commander for any reason other than being on your deathbed in the military world is a serious no no
We have a LINKS program through the Marine Corps that goes over some dos and don'ts of reintegration and most of the spouses were teary eyed by the end of that segment. It's hard for everyone. Whether it's 2 weeks or a year, it's hard for all of us. This post is extremely helpful and a good reminder to be firm and know what is best for the family. I love how you said, "Reintegration is about every member of the family." Thank you for your post!
That's great to hear that people are learning from the class. Even our dog had his daddy time. He had to feel that he could come off of 'watch'. :-)
After our first deployment, we attended a briefing on communication led by the chaplain. He said most fights start when someone says "You say…" or "You always do…" or "You never…" Instead he encouraged the couples to start all sentences with "I feel…" because you can't really argue that your spouse doesn't *feel* X. Afterwards we snickered about it and started nearly all sentences with "I feel…" for weeks: "I feel…like you ought to make me dinner." "I feel…like you are a moron." And maybe we were doing it wrong, but it was making us laugh, lightening the mood, and helping us get the ball rolling to communicate. And often we used it right, and often we used it intentionally flat-out wrong, retorting back angrily "Well, you feel WRONG." But it was probably one of the best pieces of communication advice we've ever been told. Six years later, we still start a lot of jokes with "I feel…", but we also start serious conversations that way too. I'm quite glad we attended that mandatory briefing.
Love it! Sounds like something we'd do.
I just had a question and was not sure if you had the answer to it, my husband is currently deployed and today he was told that there is now only a 6 month dwell time in between deployments and that deployments were going to be between 12-15 months long. I was just confused by this because I thought that this had recently been changed to 9 month deployments and 1 – 2 years of dwell time. Thank you for your time.
I am new to the policies of the Army given the fact that I am not married but I am patiently waiting for the intergation process to be over. He left Afghainstan 09/30/12 and I have not heard from him two wks before he left and now it is 1 month and 4 days since we had any communication. I have no idea if he went to the base where he originally was stationed. If anyone can help me get a true understanding please comment. Thank you all that will contribute.