If I ran the world, you would be able to get a job in 30 minutes, tops. Because that is about as long as anyone can maintain a positive attitude, keep food out of their teeth and schlepp around in a skirt. Instead, a military spouse job hunt takes about 30 years—or at least it seems that way. And the worst part is that no one ever tells you to watch out for the Despair Bear.
Yes, I seriously just said that. I probably should have kept that reference to myself. Instead, I am saying that just like you used to travel around your toddler life with a Care Bear at your side, in your spouse life you must tote a career Despair Bear.
Despair Bear starts out cute enough. When you first get married or you first graduate from college or you first arrive at your new duty station, your career Despair Bear is adorable. Everyone thinks that it is so cute that a fabulous person like you worries about getting a job. Who wouldn’t hire someone who…. (fill in your best career attributes here)??
In this stage, the Despair Bear could fit on a key chain. The problem is that this stage lasts about 30 days. Then Despair Bear takes up residence on the passenger seat of your car. You deepen your job search. Call the father-in-law of your first roomate’s cousin’s sister. Comb the website for MSEP. Fend off your mother-in-law daily phone call wondering if you are still a housewife.
Another month goes by and Despair Bear starts talking to you as you drive. “No one is hiring,” he says. “You are just gonna move,” he reminds you. “Why did you pick such a dumb major anyway?”
By month four of a job hunt, Despair Bear is so huge that he is trying to wrestle the steering wheel from your hands. You start counting up all the online applications you filled out and when you reach 87 you pop open a beer. Your military husband swears that these things take time and that you just need to adapt and overcome. You try not to slug him when you to remember that being military means never having to go on an interview. Despair Bear moves into the house and you vacuum around him, drape laundry over him, start asking him if your yoga pants make you look fat.
And that’s when you get an offer. Because when you are a military spouse looking for a job that is often how long it takes. It seems like too long because it is too long. So keep moving forward with the rest of us. And strap Despair Bear in for the long, long ride.
Navy wife Jacey Eckhart is Editor of SpouseBuzz and author of The Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide to Raising a Military Family and I Married a Spartan?? The Care and Feeding of Your Military Marriage.
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
I so needed that today. I am at about day 30 at new duty station and the job process is incredibly slow here!
Gosh finally someone is saying it out loud ! I moved from TX to VA in July it will be a whole year without a job, and i applied at so many jobs i stopped counting. But i won’t give up hope
Amazing post! Thanks for this story.
I am a Marine wife and have struggled both with fitting in a bit and with the job situation in things. I've always been "career focused" you'd say….never, ever thought I would end up with a military man! Give up my career, freedom, and follow a man around the world? Not this independent woman! LOL. Alas, love has a way of making all those other things not matter….anyway, I had a great job in Hawaii at our last place–we just got to CA and have been here for SIX MONTHS….and no job. The longest I have gone without working has been two weeks, which were the two weeks we took to get married and have a trip home. Now I am literally on month seven. I am on resume number 84 as of today and have had one interview. Its extremely frustrating!
I think another thing that frustrates me is the 'expectations' around being a military spouse. A conversation I have with marines who work with my husband as I meet them one by one:
Marine: So I hear you are job searching?
Me: Yep!
Marine: I'm sure you can get hired at the PX.
This has literally happened a dozen times. And BTW this isn't about working in the PX…applied there too! But I have a masters in mental health counseling and have been trying at least to get something in my field. I feel like my husband doesn't advertise my masters and what field I work in because a. Marines generally sometimes seem wary around me when they hear that I work in mental health, b. He "doesn't have a college degree" [his words, not mine--I could care less....and as I have told him....military=a degree in my minds and he is one of the smartest guys I know. College does not equal intelligence]. Sometimes though I guess I feel like no one assumes that military wives should work in professions that require a masters if their husband is enlisted–because i have had the opposite convo when people hear about my degree–they assume my husband also has a degree and is an officer.
The second most common comment I get is that I should just stay home and take care of the house, and why am I worrying about getting a job anyway?
I do so much to be a military wife, a good wife, take care of my husband who takes care of me and have now found pride in that. But sometimes I miss the pride I felt in being able to do a job that required responsiblity, demanded respect, and being able to bring home almost equal salary to my husband (which also allowed us to do a LOT of fun stuff and feel way better financially). When I've mentioned that, people just tell me to have pride in being a military wife. And I do. My friends back home seem amazed I've been able to do that, but I am happy to.
But is it bad to kind of want both……?
Great post!! I honestly haven't really applied for a job (gasp) but have been looking around. Its hard not only you are a MilSpouse but also a mom to young children so childcare comes to play. I know a lot of stay at home jobs have been booming for MilSpouse like MaryKay, Avon, Scentsy, etc. Its encouraging that I am not alone in this
Great post and it really is very, very apt. I'm going on 3 1/2 years unemployed. We PCS'd to Ft. Carson from Germany. I have references from the head of HR in Germany. My resume is impeccable. I had "preference" for a job here and was very confident when I went to the HR department at Ft. Carson to review for open positions. There were literally 15 open positions posted that I was qualified for if not over qualified for in the HR department.
The man I met with never mentioned those positions. He immediately offered me a job at the DFAC. When I questioned about the other positions, he said the only thing he could offer me was the DFAC cashier's position. I was flabbergast. He told me if I turned that down, I was out of the "preference" program and on my own. I asked to speak with his supervisor. I was told that person would have to call me because they weren't in the office. I never received a call. I called HR. The person I spoke to told me that because I turned down the cashier's job, I was out of the program and not entitled to HR support. Then they hung up on me.
I started taking college classes in between applying for jobs in my field. The first year, I got 2 call backs. 1 interview. No offers. Civilians heard "Army spouse" and it was an immediate shut down. I stopped putting out resumes for 6 months while taking classes and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. My husband is very supportive, constantly reminding me that we don't need the $ and I shouldn't try for a job that is out of my field (I'm a subject matter expert for Officer Management and lead Human Resources Tech in Army Lingo. I'm an executive secretary/administrative assistant in civilian lingo). I love him and appreciate the support but its now 3 1/2 years of a gap on my resume and only 1 interview just recently where that was strongly pointed out to me. Never mind the 4.0 GPA I'm maintaining. Never mind that I oversaw the house build solo while my husband was deployed. Never mind the glowing references from my old jobs. It is hard to be optimistic when the economy is so bad and the confidence in myself is slipping away day by day.
THIS IS SO TRUE EMPLOYEES HEAR THE WORD “MILSPOUSE” & YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY TURNED DOWN. IT IS VERY HARD TO FIND A JOB BECAUSE OF PCSing & DEPLOYMENTS .
i am going on 2.5 years w/out a job now. i keep getting so close to a job in my field but never get hired. i think they don't want a milspouse… someone who is moving soon. i try to disguise that fact in my resumer/application, but it comes out when interviewing. my husband is not supportive. not at all. i feel for all or you but wonder what it would feel like for my husband to tell me it's ok. he just makes me feel guilty. and won't help me pay on my student loans. i have to keep deferring my loans because i am not allowed to pay on them. he's an offer. he just made commander, and makes me feel guilty about not having a job. so, although i feel for all of you going on a long time without a job. i'm in the same place & know how it starts affecting your self esteem, drive and focus; but be thankful if you have a partner who loves you and doesn't make you feel bad about it. what is that like?
Wow, ever since Spouse Buzz got a new editor everything sure is coming up roses! (Especially with every other article written by Jacey Eckhart)
Jobs don't magically appear to military spouses after four months, especially if you live anywhere outside of the DC bubble Mrs. Eckhart so enjoys. This article perpetuates the idea you can get anything if you work hard enough. Unfortunately, this is the mindset of our grandparents and it's not the reality of today's times. The situation is more akin to Syven's and Marine Wife's situation with people going on 3 1/2 years unemployed and going back to school to change career fields to try to compete in this job market. I would appreciate more articles and advice from wives currently in the job search instead of someone doling out cutesy anecdotes from their editor’s desk.