“I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. –Evil Overlord List Rule 32
Watch enough TV and you know exactly how the messenger of death arrives for military families. A dark sedan is supposed to slow on your street and park in front of your house. At least two guys in uniform are supposed to step out of the car. You are supposed to open your door and fall to your knees when one of them says, “We regret to inform you…”. That is the way death is supposed to happen in military life.
The messenger of death is not supposed to come by text. The messenger of death is not supposed to show up on Facebook. So it is beyond belief that Army wife Megan Born, 22, found out by text that her husband Joshua Born was shot and killed during riots on a US base in Afghanistan. Before Army officials could get to Olive Branch, Illinois to give her the official notice Thursday night, Megan had already been told by text. According to NBC affiliate WPSD, the news was already out on Facebook Thursday morning.
Update: Megan’s mother and aunt have left messages for our readers — see them here. Also, officials at Fort Stewart have placed the blame for the protocol breach squarely on the shoulders of other spouses and family members in the unit. Read that story here.
Megan is not the first to be slain by the doubly painful news of death delivered by technology. The Army is investigating how this could have happened. Which is a good thing, I’m sure of that. I am also hoping that they take this opportunity to ask themselves whether the notification system is just too slow in the age of social media.
They can scream all they want about OPSEC. They can criticize military members and their spouses for being too quick to spread the word. They can bear down on the enforcement of policies already in place. Until we develop some kind of Star Trek transporter technology, the urgency and necessity of death will travel so much faster than any dark sedan.
I don’t know what to do about that. I know I don’t want to ever be the messenger. I don’t know anyone who would crave that role. I just know that the social support system created by social media is a double-edged sword that delivers empathy and death in one blow.
Navy wife Jacey Eckhart is Editor of SpouseBuzz and author of I Married a Spartan?? The Care and Feeding of Your Military Marriage available on iTunes, Amazon and on www.jaceyeckhart.com.
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
I think the blame should fall squarely on the soldiers and their family members who spread this information. We all know that notification takes anywhere between 24 and 72 hours. Why didn't this soldier's command institute a communications blackout? I understand the need for a soldier to share his grief with his wife but why did she have to go and post it on Facebook and offer condolences via a text message? There are just so many failures of common sense in this situation that it makes my head hurt.
Then there would always be a blackout and there would be no "I love you; I miss you; Tell the kids I love them. I know our military moves in such matters, to deliver the message with the honor and respect the next of kin deserves as fast as humanly possible. Noone can tell me different. Spouses know the system and she/he should let it work. Caught in the moment,I know this individual meant no malice,just overtaken by shock,grief.
That is almost stupid.. Remember the days of writing with a pen and paper? I do.. I have been a military spouse for 22 years and have marveled at the advancement in communications with my spouse when he is deployed, however I would happily revert to "Hearts apart" calls and written letters if it kept just one family from receiving heartbreaking news so callously.
And I am not so sure they are "overtaken with shock and grief" this younger generation has a very warped view of what should be kept private.
Very nicely stated. There's no excuse for this behavior. It's just blatant lack of respect and common courtesy. When my husband first told me why he couldn't contact me for a week when he was in Afghanistan, I understood it. I respected it. And I felt deeply sorry for those families who lost loved ones and thanked God I still had mine.
Usually during any event of attack, there is always a Commo Black out until family memebers have been notified. I remember being on the phone with my husband while he was in Iraq and the phones just completely cutting off. However, the army can be slow about things, especially during a combat situation. If a soldier is killed and attacks are still going on down range and soldiers are being taken back to their base, the safety of their soldiers comes before a command shut down, sadly it happens on on occasion information leaks out by a soldier who may be on the phone at the time a soldier who is wounded or killed is brought back to his base. It isn't fair, it isn't just but it happens. The blame will fall on the individual who sent the text message as well as the individual who gave that information out and the command will take alot of fall for it as well for the poor governing of thier soldiers actions. All be it NOBODY should have taken it upon themselves to text this woman to tell her that her husband was killed. Regardless of being caught up in a moment or grief or shock or whatever you would like to call it, it is not their place to notify her of anything regarding her husband what so ever. It is the job of the United States Army to deliver and handle things of that nature. I for one would be horribly distraught and furious to find out by text my husband was KIA. It was an action completely uncalled for.
yes i remember when my husband was deployed, there was a blackout and they shut off all commnunication until the family was notified which is why he couldnt call me or message me when he was suppose to.
I would bet there was a blackout, but does that mean that Soldiers actually follow the order?
Not doing generally carries heavy penalties, such as losing rank and pay. And it should! That is, if his chain of command has any juice at all.
in our current unit, and units past, the soldiers didnt' have a choice of whether or not to follow the order. all lines of communication are shut down electronically anytime a soldier is injured or KIA. There is no way a soldier could get the info out if they wanted to. it has worked very well through three deployments, with not a single spouse finding out anyway except through the proper authorities.
I agree with you Marlyn! they all want is ratings and have no respect for the family grieving.
Most of the blame goes to the New Media these days. They have lack of respect for others because all they want is to be the first ones to publish the news without thinking of the consequences these could have on people.
But in this case it wasn’t the media … it was a spouse. We don’t know how the spouse knew the name of the person killed. From her Soldier? From someone in the rear detachment? It doesn’t matter. There is pretty much no blame on the news media in this instance, and all on people not know when to keep their mouths shut.
I can even agree with you enough.. I've known several wives that found out over FB.. I think it's SICK!
We need to realize that the public does not have a right to know first. Wether there were black out or not nost units send emails regarding when notiications have been made. Even if a soldier tells you about it keep it to yourself out of respect. It is not your news to post on face book or other wise.
Exactly Amy!! Some ppl are just so ignorant. It PEOPLE running the media networks.
Agreed. The media isn't going to leak info like this at the risk of losing their privileges to cover stories in a war zone. Uncle Sam would have their a$$es for breaching protocol.
News like this should only come through OFFICIAL channels. There are several reasons for why the military is the FIRST to inform next of kin when soldiers are KIA. The first being that they are in an official capacity to declare a soldier KIA. Second, they will make DAMN SURE that they have correctly identified the KIA soldier and their next of kin so that the correct–albeit very sad–news goes to the correct person. Not to mention, it is incredibly disheartening to hear that other military spouses or family members learn of their soldier's deaths via text or facebook message with no one there to comfort them. Spouses are liable to go a little crazy upon hearing news like that. The military goes there in an official capacity to tell them and to also ensure that they are equipped to handle the grief and/or immediately provide them with appropriate emotional support. I never want to see those men walking to my door with a folded flag, but I'd much rather be informed by someone who knows for SURE who was KIA and is there to offer condolences in person than by some cold and impersonal text message. Internet age or not, people need people. Hence why losing loved ones in war is so painful.
You are 100% correct…
The purpose of the person to person notification is to be just that 'personable' as in we are a family in our grief,too! This communication was sent in careless manner and intent. The I can't wait for it she should not either attitude is not one of love but the giving out of pain! The FB note was the one that convinced me of this intent. Someone had the wrong message intent and hey…maybe his phone was in the hands of the taliban?!?
The reason this happend is because of the lack of care that comes from today's FRGs. Today's FRg's are ran by commissioned Officers and their spouses. The CPT appoints his wife who could care less about anyone that is not another commissioned spouse or her husband. I know, I have been a spouse for over 20 years and I see it more and more. Unless you are a LT or above, they take their time, if at all you are notifed at all. That is why this happened. Unless they start putting in someone that cares and not the CPTs wife, this is going to contine. Of couse, commissioned officers and thie spouses will say this is not true, but go to the other spouses. Find out the truth.
This has nothing to do with the FRG. It has everything to do with compassion for the families who suffer such a loss. Also, it is the military member's responsibility to teach his spouse how the military world operates and how such things are handled. The first mistake was the servicemember telling his spouse, the second was the spouse putting the information on facebook.
The FRG's are NOT in the chain of notification until AFTER the NOK is notified.
Please take your own advice – find out the truth. What you posted is so incredibly wrong it is insulting.
Is Beth serious???? If you have been around it for 20 years than you would know that you are wrong. No one in an FRG finds out before the last NOK is notified. Only someone on a Care Team would have any inside information from this side. In this case they hadn’t even made it as far in the notification process to ask if the family wanted a Care Team. Do not start throwing the blame around on the FRG. It’s people like you giving the FRG a bad name.
This is absolutely true. Until the last NOK is notified, their names are not released to the public.
Jeez, Beth. Not all officers/officers wives are that way. I'm the spouse of an enlisted Soldier and not once have had an FRG that was run based off rank. We've been through six deployments too. Maybe instead of complaining about the FRG you should get involved and change what you don't like.
As long as you are listed as next of kin on their paperwork and you elect to be notified in person (and have given the proper address where you can be given such notification) you should be taken care of. Soldiers can list anyone they want to as next of kin. It just needs to be in their paperwork.
Blame the soldiers who couldn't wait to get to a phone and spread the word. They should be courtmartialled for their stupidity. As for the wife that learned of her huisband's death this way – there are no words. It was not the FRG, not the Army, it was stupid people with a need for 15 minutes of fame.
I strongly agree with MSgt as I am a retired Soldier myslef, the Army has gotten to lacked on what matters and don’t breif there Soldiers on what should happen, if the Soldier that sent the message would put him/her self in the spouses shoes, how would they like it. The whole Chain of Command should be brought up on charges, then and only then the Chain of Commands might start doing there jobs and train Soldiers on what matters.
Agreed. Rank and pay should be taken away over an infraction like this. They've been briefed, they know better. Folks that don't want to uphold their duty and honor as a soldier and follow protocol should just get themselves chaptered out or stop re-enlisting. We don't need them!
No, the blame goes to the Service Member downrange that told his/her spouse and the spouse. I have witnessed Soldiers contacting their spouse saying xx died and it was not xx but xx's son. The children that had gone to school, wanting some normalcy after finding out their brother had died, ended up leaving that day because teachers and other students were going up to them saying so sorry about your father.
but this was told by another army wife, not the media. They had absolutely NO reason to do that. It was not their business.
The blame is not on the military. I am a military spouse and I know that military wives are very talkative and want to be the first to say “I’m sorry”. Whoever the FRG lead is should be replaced and the person that told her should be brought in to have a long talk with the commander! It’s not the first time that it has happened. Don’t blame the military!
I dont beleive it is the medias fault. it is the people who use the media that need to learn respect. People these days dont have empathy. They dont ever think about how the victim would feel… People need to learn respect for others.
These are terrible circumstances, when someone finds out about the death of a love one like this; however, I do think these are isolated instances compared to the thousands of service members lost in Iraq/Afgh. PLEASE note, I also think that 1 time is too many, but we're talking about revamping the system when we should be talking about how to punish those who lack common sense.
But it wa not the media. This is worse because it was “internal.” There has to be a better way to create/enforce accountability. This goes beyond common sense and/or inadvertent disclosure. I’d like to hear more, because there are always two sides to every story, but so far it doesn’t look good from this angle.
Jennifer, notification has to be done in less than 24 hours, not 72. Also, more larger locations can't allow for a communications blackout; it's impossible (places like BAF, KAF).
BAF had communication blackouts, at least back in '06-'08.. … Had to many of them. -_-
There was a communication blackout at BAF right when my husband arrived in 2010.
I served in Iraq with the 1st Cavalry Division. Whenever one of ours was KIA, we had communications blackout until the families were notified. I agree that's the way to do it b/c people CAN'T keep their mouths shut and it's not fair to the families of the Fallen to have to find out through a text or on FB b/c someone didn't have the decency to allow the proper channels to notify the families. Just sayin.
I just asked my husband who would notify me and how….I've been married for about 2 years now and he told me that his branch is so far away that they would likely send somebody from a more near branch to my door who would tell me, so those people would be complete strangers to me. One of my husband's Commander's know my personal cell phone number, but she wouldn't call me! Personally, I've already lost my Dad and loss in and of itself is HORRID, but I told my husband, I would PREFER a phone call from someone I knew rather than a visit at my door from two strangers, but we are ALL DIFFERENT! I think it's unfair to say it was mean spirited or not decent of the gal to offer her condolences online since the lady had her as a friend obviously and text isn't the best way, but how do people know which method we would prefer, because again, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! There is protocol, but what is protocol is for two strangers to come to my door, I would be alone and it would be my worst nightmare, but my husband's death would be my worst nightmare. I don't have my husband's command as friends on my facebook as well. What's not fair???????
There were blackout comm's at BAF 2009/ 2010 … my husband flew out of several areas in Pakistan and Afgh and had cellphone and internet communications down.
What a terrible circumstance. I hope we can really start to reevaluate how to make this process more efficient.
Also, not to be a nitpicker, but I thought the phrasing/word play here was really insensitive given the circumstances:
"Megan is not the first to be slain"
M2F–I always appreciate this sort of comment because I am always trying to be a better writer. So I kind of agree with you that the phrasing wasn't ideal. From working within the military community, one of the things I hear over and over is that the news of a death in the family is a kind of "killing" too. Something inside you dies with this news. Granted, there is no good way to get the news that the person you love has died. What I was trying to get across was the idea hear that there is an injury being done to this wife. There is a kind of violence here. That is why I used the word 'slain.' Suggestions for another way to put that?
I understand the intention, but as a fellow journalist and a military spouse, I wouldn't think my husband's friends and family would appreciate equating my personal injury if he were killed with his actual death, if that makes sense. One does not recover from being slain. One can recover (at least in some ways, although not fully) from losing a loved one. Something as simple as "Megan is not the first spouse to receive a message of death via technology" would have worked just as well, in my opinion. Thanks for responding to my concern!
But there ARE situations in which notification can take more than 24 hours. If the spouse didn’t update her location with rear-d when she moved, for example, it can be very difficult to find her. The rear-d can’t just casually call around base asking “do you know where so and so lives?” who knows what happened in this instance – but it is possible for things to take longer than they are supposed to.
That is why there needs to be more than one form of communication to the families of the deployed soldiers. But all communication needs to be kept off until the families are notified!!
In the coverage, it says that Megan moved back to Illinois to be with her parents during the deployment which can add to the time it takes to get to her in person. Even with all the right paperwork in place, Facebook is just much faster than a human being can ever be.
Since she moved back to be with family, she was surrounded with people who could support her, so she wasn't alone at all…..
load of crap i feel your pain now
My husband was deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan and when someone was killed in action, all forms of communication was shut down until after family was notified……that's the way it should be!!!
Turn around time for a death notification, with up dated information etc is typically 4 hours. I have always thought soldiers being allowed to have personal sat phones, cell phones was always wrong. And this is one of the reasons. Honestly, we don't know to know every little detail of what happens over there. Do we? It's hell having a spouse, son, daughter, sister, brother over there, but I don't want to know the exact danger they are living in 24/7.
So what you think we should not be able to talk to family. And I know at least my family wants to hear from me as much as possible.
Well I hope you tell your family that they need not repeat everything you tell them… This coming from a deployed member, w/many deployments. I read more on this article and it looks like one of the soldiers called home told his wife what happened she put it on Facebook and someone saw it and text this poor wife… That could have happened in a matter of minutes after the soldier died,not even enought time to even think about notifying his wife!
I agree with everything you've said. I've received the knock on the door regarding my son and I appreciated there moral and physical support. It told me how much they honored my son by volunteering for this type of service.
Thank God for my husband's cellphone and interenet during his deployment. He risked his life every time he flew in Afghanistan (EVERY DAY) and even while he was sleeping in his shack on base (RPG's). Thank God I heard from him every day, with the exception of special missions and blackouts. It's enough that soldiers are dying let alone when families hearts are broken out of carelessness and selflessness. I personally think people do more harm than good on Facebook, the reason why I no longer have one. ( He may have been young and not realized the importance of keeping his wifes personal information up to date. My husband cared nothing about the miliary having my number as a contact number.) God bless this soldier's family.
Typically when a Soldier is killed the Unit will black out all comms to facilitate getting the family notified first. In some cases a post, text, call back home gets through and then it is unstoppable after that. The Military does what it can withihn reason but relies on people in the States to exercise some good judgement in forwarding this type news should they get it. Just because you know doesn't mean you should pass it on. I can tell you that when a Soldier is killed no one sits on there hands in regard to getting the family notified. My two cents…
Heather, why would you lump all military together and say that personal sat phones or cell phones is wrong. It’s the individual’s poor choice to not follow the rules and it has nothing to do with having personal items. As a routinely deployed member, my wife and I would gladly accept the risk of her finding out about my death inappropriately then to do away with the ability to contact her on a routine basis. Being able to speak to her as often as I can, sometimes thinking it may be for the last time, far outweighs someones poor judgement. It’s awful that an individual makes poor choices, but you can’t punish the group for one person’s faults. You find that person and make an example out of them through very harsh discipline. Also, whoever is telling you every little detail is in the wrong as well. I never talk about that stuff when I have those precious minutes on the phone with my wife or children. I focus on their lives and all the great things we’ll do when I get home. Just because you may have a bad experience doesn’t mean we all do.
I agree, don't punish the who group due to the stupidity of one person. It takes a very small minded, uncaring, unthinking individual to send this kind of information over a stupid cell phone. They are the type of people who don't care about other people….I agree that the time spend on the few and short phone calls that are made back home to families is for more important things then to talk about the sad things that are going on where you are deployed. For those of you who don't see a problem with this testing a person's death….GET A CLUE AND GET A LIFE!!!
I agree! My husband is currently deployed. I understand why communication is cut off during incidents like this, but I still don't like it. In my mind if people would just use common sense and not discuss stuff that isn't their business to discuss people could hear from their spouses more often. The military personnel and the significant others and friends need to not talk about things that don't have something directly to do with the parties having the conversation.
This is a "command" problem. All personnel in the command should be trained in "sensitive information" responsibilities. They should be made aware of how this information should be handled and released. One question to ask is "How would you like to be informed of the death of your spouse, child or parent?" Another question to ask is "How do you want YOUR loved ones to be notified of YOUR death?".
My husband was killed in Vietnam Feb.9th 1971 and I was notified of his death by a yellow cab. Cab drove up to my house, knocked on the door and gave me a telegram. I guess a text message would be about the same now a days.
Wow that amazes me. My heart still goes out to you. Thank-you for his service.
Mary, I can't even imagine. I just can't imagine. I ache that you experienced that. And yes… that sounds about as impersonal and uncaring as a text message. :(
Mary, I too can't even imagine. My husband was in Nam in 71 also.
Things have surely changed though, because now troops are welcome home!
God bless you Mary and thank you for YOUR service to your country.
Mary, I too was notofied of my spouse's death by a cab driver during the Vietnam "conflict". That is when the Army decided their methods of notification were terrible. They learned by our experiences and changed the whole notofocation process so that a member of the military would personally deliver the news. I later became a military mortuary affairs officer. The person who posted the information on Facebook is insensitive and a glory seeker. Shame on them. My heart goes out to Megan.
I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you. I can imagine keeping up with our military's death toll in that war overwhelmed our Army to the point where they couldn't do right by our families. Hopefully that never happens again. Bless your husband for his sacrifice.
"That is the way death is supposed to happen in military life. "
How about if we bring our troops home to DEFEND our country. Why is society content with the "death [that] is supposed to happen in military life?" What's wrong with allowing our member to serve as defense for whenever someone actually wants to attack us vs. nation building in parts of the world that want NOTHING to do with us? Have we all really been brainwashed enough to believe this statement of the military death is "suppose to happen?"
The way we have allowed our government to drag us into war after war for no justification or reason whatsoever is sickening. And now they're preparing to do it again with Iran. And it's our fault for letting them. We've had too many spouses told of the deaths of their loved ones over "WMD" and now we've seen they've died in vain to fill the agenda of the government. It didn't have to happen but we fell for the lies. We trusted the government to care about us. Will we fall for the lies again?
do you not remember all of the people who died in New York when our shores were attacked! furthermore what probably happened here was one of the people around him when he died made the call to his family before the comms were able to be shutdown. this is just my guess. The bad thing about technology is for every great thing we can use it for to help the world, it always seems to come with a few things it can be used for to hurts the world.
I like the policy of taking the war to them… it help keep it from the home front and keeps our families SAFER. Think about it… do you really want an all out combat zone here in the states? Have you been in a combat zone? If you have than there is no way in he__ that you would want that crap here.
As far as the lose lips sink ships… well the sorry bastard that let it out needs to fry and there ought to be some form of criminal prosecution for the idiot that placed it on Facebook and the one who texted it to her.
FYI: Not one of my battles died in Vain, they were good people that did what 99% of the population will NOT do, so dont tell me that they died for nothing!
This story really isn't about the validity of any war. Soldiers can enter the military even if they don't agree with going to war, as long as they're willing to fire their gun where they're supposed to. People who voluntarily enlist in the military or become officers sacrifice a lot for very little in return regardless of the foreign or domestic conflicts in which they support their country. They deserved to be honored appropriately and so do their families.
This must be writen by someone who has never served in the military or does live the military life
This is really sad to hear. My husbeand is in the National Guard and was in the first wave of battle into Iraq. He was injured and I was notified by phone. With no information other than he was being transferred to Germany. Fact was, he was ok. Had some shrapnel to the face and legs, but returned to his unit that day. I received no more info from the NG HQ regardling anything else. The system has been messed up….at least when it comes to the National Guard. But, this is stupid. I'll tell you what I think…there was no communication in the last three conflicts my husband has been in. Technology is great, but why are soldiers walking around with phones? They shouldn't be. I was sending 2 way radios for my husbands unit for communications amongst themselves at the time. There is a time and place to speak to your families while you are deployed. This is for their security as well as their families. I don't get this!
I know that the base my husband was at in Afghanistan always did a black out after someone was killed. Their blackout though was to 24 to 48 hours or until they could get a hold of the family. A lot of the time I wouldn't hear from him for weeks, but no one deserves to find out that their spouse died through a text message or phone call. I know it is hard to think when you find horrific news out, but I was always raised that until you know for sure the family has been notified, you do not open your mouth. I couldn't imagine how anyone would even think about texting the spouse about her husband's death. Its called decent courtesy. You either pick up the phone or wait until you hear from her. I want to give my condolences to Megan and her family. May God be with each of you through this hard time. I also hope the military figures out exactly how this happened who it came from, and for them to be ready to make very big changes to inure this will not happen again.
*Proud Marine Wife*
Basically people need to keep their mouth shut! No one does anyone a favor by broadcasting someones heartbreak on any social media. *Proud Army Wife*!
Why would anyone do that!?! Thats inconsiderate and indecent.
Poor families.nyo
There is NOBODY to blame but the person that sent the text AND if they are a spouse the soldier that told them
! I’m sorry but if I heard that news from someone other than the spouse or close family member and I wanted to send my condolences I wouldn’t have either done my research to find out if she knew or called her and ask how she was doing to see if she said it or in some way confirmed that she knew already. Pretty simple.
I have been in many situations (not pertaining to a death) where my guys will be out on a mission and stuck somewhere and I will see on a spouse Facebook or hear one of their spouses talking about what they are doing or when they will be back. And I’m like first how the hell do you know and their own leadership hasn’t been able to find anything out. Second why are you telling everybody and their momma except for someone in their command!?!
Also had a situation where I personally was stuck somewhere and went to my NCO in charge to try to find out if he knew when we were going home and he finally told me and said he didn’t want to tell us yet so we didn’t get to excited and out of the same breath he said his wife was pretty excited, she had already started making plans w/their family…. He thought it wasn’t important to tell us but he let his wife know days in advance.
I hope that person feels really bad and learns a lesson, I also believe if it was a soldier’s spouse that found out from the soldier they should be reprimanded as well.
I would encourage you to report any discussion in any Social media about a mission that is in the planning stage or in progress. This is a clearcut violation of OPSEC rules. Our enemies can monitor Facebook and if they find mission-related info there, lives are put at risk. If you're in the military, you report OPSEC violations through your chain of command. If you're a family member, I'm not sure how you're supposed to communicate it, but I would try calling the rear detachment NCOIC or OIC (non-commissioned officer in charge or officer in charge)
This is horrible! Nobody has the right to share w others and the person effected such intimate and personal life changing information! I’m livid reading this! Livid!
This is outrageous. But all the recent deaths could have been avoided had the person (moron) who knew the books were burned, kept their mouth shut in the first place!!!
All religious groups are sensitive to their symbols. It was a complete act of stupidity that occurred TWICE which resulted in these deaths as well as the rioters.
I feel terrible for all involved.
From what I hear some local Afghan workers saw what was happening and stopped the soldiers. Being that the Quran is so important to them I’m sure they lost their minds and told everyone in the town!
My heart breaks for anyone who finds out so nonchalant about the bad news. I got a phone call at 9:45 pm telling me my husband was blown up. They told me it was bad and that he had been burned. But they couldn't tell me anything else. It wasn't until 10am the next day did I receive my next phone call telling me he was in Germany undergoing emergency surgery did I know he was alive. We were told don't worry, if anything bad or serious happened someone will come to the house. LIES all LIES! I have told many offices and officals and I was actually told that because one of the soldiers that were killed with my husband the response teams felt their family was top priority and sent 2 teams to that family. Do not get me wrong my heart aches for their loss. But a phone call at almost 10pm only sets panic into the hearts of anyone and is cruel
Lack of care from the FRG.
Lack of accuracy, Beth. Sorry. FRG's have nothing to do with the chain of notification.
FRG has nothing to do with it, they are not trained to handle such information and if you are attached to a command that allows the FRG to deliver such news, I would run for the hills! I'm sorry that you felt the panic you did but I don't think there is ever a 'right way' to pass along such awful news. I do think that it should be handled in the manner that the military has put into place and via any social media outlet.
Unless your husband was National Guard (which I do not know the SOP for), you should have gotten an in-personal notification of his injury. VSI (Very Serious Injury) is treated the same as a KIA in the Army. The only time in-person notification is not done is if the soldier is believed to be able to call his/her spouse personally soon after the incident which was clearly not the case for your spouse.
My sister in law was notified in the traditional manner. Trust me it didn't help. There is no way to find out that isn't devastating. Personally I would want to know as soon as possible from anyone that my husband had passed. As long as it was of course polite. Maybe this individual thought she or he was doing the right thing trying to get word back and it got messed up in the process. God Bless Our Troops "Proud ARMY Wife"
I have no friends on facebook that would be able to post such information on my facebook and I have none of my Husband's command in my phone and only one of his command even have my phone number and she would probably call me, if my husband died because she has no idea where I live. I have lost a loved one and it's not easy PERIOD, but if you don't want to find out such news in such a manner, don't have such people on your facebook. While I would prefer my Husband's commander to come to my home, she likely wouldn't because she dosen't know exactly where I live and She CANNOT READ MY MIND NOR SEE MY HEART And dosen't know me well enough to know how to best handle the situation. People who haven't lost a loved one often dont know what is best, but everyone deals with loss in different ways. It's sad she lost her husband period, but the people who notified her probably thought they were doing the best thing……
You people are overreacting the person wasn’t being malicious or evil they just informed the woman of bad news…..grow up people
Don't want to argue w/you Don but have you read more about it? That definitely wasn't the case! Basically a soldier called home told his wife what happened that wife PUT IT ON FACEBOOK (she didn't call the wife to give her condolences). Another spouse saw the facebook post and TEXT to the poor wife her condolences…. It's pretty dumb to text someone who from what you know just lost their husband, but I kind of her let her pass but the spouse who put it on facebook REALLY? Grow up? Hmmm…
Obviously you don't know anything about common sense or the military!!!
Don, I agree with you. She wasn't being malicious, she was just being INSESITIVE….hmmm, which is worse in your opinion?
Don, you really should try to be more informed before you go blurting out you're opinion, and you might want to look into taking some kind of sensetivity training.
Jacey,
I think everyone agrees that learning about it after it's been spread through social networking channels is not only bad form, but incredibly insensitive to those closest to the person killed. The Army has a protocol, however, if those within the structure choose not to respect or follow it, there is little they can do but act after the fact and come down hard on the perpetrators. I hope they do. It isn't at all like another situation that happened last year.
My friend, journalist Tim Hetherington, died while covering the war in Misrata Libya. His mother found out via twitter. It was done in innocence –in fact by a friend of Tim's, because all other forms of communication were down. It was a horrible way to find out, however, any way would have been horrible. But a 144 character tweet is especially bad because of the lack of details, and whether or not something is true.
The dominant form of communication now is through social networking. And there are people for whom etiquette, tradition, and consideration take a backseat to the punching of a keypad on a phone. I'm afraid unless they raise the stakes and penalize the people who do this, our military institutions will be fighting a rising tide.
Condolences to the family and friends of Joshua Born.
I was on a Notification Team after I returned from Viet Nam, The XO of the Marine Barracks and I, were the ones to tell the family of injury or death, I is not a Job, but a Duty to a Brother Marine! This is the way it is supposted to be, if any military member did this, he should be punished!. Semper Fi!
I Think the blame should be on our goverment and our president that was uncalled for.our goverment are ready to take them from us but to scared to come and let a family know in person .the goverment and the president is the blame.
Denise, do you not know anything about the protocol? It’s not that they DIDN’T, it’s that most likely, some soldier blabbed to his wife somehow, then SHE put it on Facebook. It’s not the fault of “the government”, it’s the fault of a couple of people ho couldn’t keep their mouths shut and let the system already in place to notify the family do its job.
This lady is from my home region and I was aghast when my dad told me that the local news had said she'd found out through a Facebook message. The Army did notify this wife with in the 24 hour window. According to the report on our local news back home, she talked to her husband Wednesday night Illinois time (Central time zone) which would have been Thursday morning in Afganistan, so he was killed probably within a few hours of her talking to him. She got the Facebook message Thursday morning her time and was notified by the Casualty Assistance team Thursday evening her time
I've not heard exact details on what and who of the message she received, but it might not have been a soldier that was over there talking to his wife. It can just as easily be someone within the RD and/or FRG leadership. That is what happened in one of my hubby's units when he was deployed. We had 2 soldiers from our brigade killed. We spouses had not seen anything in the news yet about any 'incident' when our FRG leader called one evening calling an 'emergency meeting' for the day after it happened. But those of us who were seasoned enough knew that was exactly what it meant. I knew that the soldiers would be on blackout from communicating with their families until the casualties' families had been notified. I tried to take courage believing that if the RD were telling all the families in the unit. that those whose soldier was a casualty had been notified and since I hadn't, that my husband was okay. I sent my husband an email to that effect. Then the sh## hit the fan. He knew that they still hadn't officially identified one of the soldiers from the burned vehicle, so they couldn't have notified his family, and he told command what was happening back home.
It was Brigade's RD that had screwed up protocol in our case. Our brigade had not done a pre-deployment briefing, so our FRG leader as well as other spouses didn't know how the notification process worked. We then finally got a briefing from the Casulty Affairs Office. They told us that they want to notify a spouse in person so that she/he is not alone when receiving the news—for obvious reasons—and they will stay with the spouse and help her to call someone to be with her and make sure they are there before they leave. This is especially important if the spouse has small children, at least I think so. I think the policy of an in-person notification is best. What our Brigade RD had messed up is that they told the FRG leaders about the casualties and the Care Team, who is supposed to be available for the Casualty Notification team to offer to call to help the spouse AFTER notification, and only if the spouse says she wants them called, they were called and told of the casualty and where the spouses lived and they were there when the Casualty Notification team arrived to notify the spouses. THe Casualty Affairs Office was PISSED that protocol was broke by RD soldiers/officers and the FRG adviser.
Commissioned Officers and their FRG Spouses. They don't care about anyone that is not commissioned. Happens ALL the time. It is getting worse. I am a military spouse and my husband is an Warrent Officer.
Not all Commissioned Officers have FRG spouses and not all FRG Spouses are married to Commissioned Officers.
But those that do only care about rank. AND that is pretty much the norm. I am talking 20 years of experience.
I'm the wife of a senior enlisted servicemember and with my 23 years of experience, generalizations don't fly. I've met some wonderful officer spouses over the years and I have also met some bad ones. I choose to give everyone a chance until they have given me a reason to change my view.
And that is why I feel the way I do. It is not a generalization, it is a fact. You don't know me, you do not know what I and many others go through. Let me guess, your husband is a CSM? They are pretty tight with the CDR's too aren't they?
Goodness, what's with the chip on your shoulder?
Got some news for you Chickee-boom. I'm a CW4(R) and your hubby, unless he's a one or two is also commissioned! And, btw, just because he's a WO doesn't mean that he's any less an *sshole than the "commissioned" officers and sr NCOes that you are b!tching about here. You're probably one the spouses who doesn't bother showing up at FRG meetings or to help out at an FRG fund raiser or function. Just want to sit on the sidelines and expect everything to be handed to you!
You are wrong dsmith. I have gone to FRG meeting and yes, I know my husband is considered a comissioned officer, but the commissioned officers (Lt and above) due not feel the same way. In fact, I am the spouse that always has the boxes sent to the guys that are deployed because the FRG has done nothing.I am the spouse that has gone to numerous org. and have them send boxes to the troops because the FRG has not. I have received numerouts awards for taking care of spouses and deployed soldiers. WOW it is so easy for you guys to judge. You all say I am judging? What in the heck are you doing? I am so pissed because of the FRG's not caring. I am pissed because they only send an an email every now and then. I was an FRG leader many many times until a major health issue took over my life. I have had many spouses from my past that still contact me and say "They don't care like you did". So, go ahead and tell me what a piece of crap I am. I bet you are the one that agrees that an an email every now and then is OK. Very few FRGs talk with the spouses and getting to know them. Chickee!
I agree with Beth. I am old school FRG. I too see the lack of support that use to be the purpose of the FRG. I too do not recieve the calls. I get an amail here and there. My husband is deployed and our FRG does not thank we should have any kind of phone tree or social roster. I attended an FRG meeting two weeks ago and it was the FRG Leader, (CPT's wife), 2 other CPT's wives, and the CSM's wife and me. And I was told that was a good night. My husband is an WO. I use to be an FRG leader and it is not the same. We are no longer reaching out to each other. I see to much back stabbing in today's FRGs and to much talking about others. That is not what a FRG is about. We need to go back and reach out to each other. Beth, thank you for bringing this to light. I believe more wives do not say anything because it does get held against the husbands which is a shame.
Shame shame on the person who sent her the text. If it was a military spouse they should have known better that it might not have gotten to her yet. If I spoke with my husband and he told me about the death of a soldier I would not say ANYTHING until I knew for sure that the spouse knew and had official knowledge of it. Some people have NO tact.
Problem is, Jennifer, they had to have known as their pre-deployment briefings informed both the SMs and the spouses of the way this is supposed to have been handled. But, as someone pointed out above, it doesn't mean that they all will listen and heed, unfortunately. The "me first" generation think that they're entitled to not follow any rules that they deem to be stupid and not needing to be followed. <sigh> That's why there are idiots in-theater doing stupid things like keeping unauthorized animals, drinking and keeping their family informed of the happenings on their base/FOB regardless of OPSEC or General Orders.
This is terrible.
However, anyone who says otherwise I just don't believe. The blame rests ONLY on those who posted/texted. No one told them they had to do it. It was very disrespectful.
My prayers go out to you. As a war veteran, we didn’t even have cell phones in 2003-2004 OIF or computers to email loved ones. We used actual letters. The batallion commander had a sattelite phone, and he let us use it for 2 minutes at a time each month. 1 call using a phone card. I was a grunt on the front lines. I know now, things have changed over the years with the military. Military has a protocol they suppose to follow thru their command. To have a cell phone among ranks can be a serious offense. This can be a National Security issue or threat. The soldier should get in trouble with this all the way up the the chain of command. Cause I know for a fact that an officer will not get in trouble, but a lower enlisted or nco would, somebody’s gotta get in trouble, thats how the system is set up. Officers will get a slap on the hand like always. With technology today and social media it’s going to be hard with the FRG to keep up, plain and simple. FRG is a joke.
My heart goes out to Megan Born and her family. I'm sure that as shocking as it was how she found out the news of her husbands death, it was more shocking that he was dead.
Agreed. So true, so sad.
In today's word of instant updates and faster than lightning speed technology, where does this cross the line? Social media is a great tool for communicating however it comes with a downside just as most things involving tech. DoD's policy needs to be enforced involving the death of a love one. Blackouts are normal in most cases of a service members death. This allows for proper notification of next of kin and it also allows them to properly grieve. Not only as stated, facts bearing on the death of service member may not have been available at the time the unauthorized death information was leaked. DoD must reenforce the policies for death notifications and discipline those that violate it.
This is terrible. When I was 21 I found out through a mutual friend on Facebook that my best friend lost her battle with leukemia. I'll tell you…learning the news of a loved one's death is NOT something you want to experience via text message or social media. It's an inhumane and careless way to pass on such devastating news. I hope military families will learn from these situations and learn to have more respect for the grieving families.
I didn't appreciate the tone of this article, either. It reads like a very interesting, juicy, souped-up gossipy article.. when it's about a very grave and serious event. This article has left a bad taste in my mouth… I won't be reading from this site again.
I’m sorry you didn’t like the tone here. I did my best to give the Army PAO a chance to defend the command and the post’s side of the story in the face of accusations being hurled and the command being thrown under the bus for any supposed failures. We value your readership – sorry that we gave you a bad impression.
Megan Born is my daughter and the first thing I want to say is that I appreciate the concern an compassion in the comments. The second thing I would like to say is that the Army did everything they were supposed to do and are going “above and beyond” in taking care of my daughter and helping us through this situation. I am a veteran and I am aware of how this should have been handled and I know that the wives in his unit were briefed many times on opsec and loose lips. The girl who sent my daughter a message was a former friend that she had not seen or spoken to in months and there was absolutely no excuse for what she did. My heart goes out to the poor distraught soldier who confided in someone at home and is now going to pay for it.
Many condolences to Megan and your family. I've gone through two casualties in our unit in the past 9 months.. it's heart-wrenching and changes your life forever. I hope your family and Megan are able to find support wherever it presents itself in the months and years ahead – there are many Americans all over the nation grieving with you right now… I'm one of them. My unit is.. close to what happened; we are all grieving. Stay strong.. we are all sending positive and heart-felt thoughts your way. Much love,
- Robin
Thank you for sharing what happened and how the Army is taking care of you all. Our great nation morns for the loss of SGT Born and I pray for understanding and peace regarding the circumstances of notification. Would you mind sharing further… did the spouse that texted your daughter inform her maliciously that her husband had died, or was she passing on her condolences?
Ms. Parker and Mrs. Born, as the mother of a Soldier and surviving spouse of a 26 year Infantry Soldier, my heart goes out to you and your Families. There is no way to share your sorrow, but know that the hearts of so many career military families are with you at this time, if only in spirit. To read your words above, truly does my heart good to know that the misguided actions of one person have not overshadowed the actions taken in support of your daughter and your family. May you find peace and recovery in each other as you travel through your grief journey.
The Soldier and Families of our Fallen should be respected enough to let the ARMY do their job. It is not about who knows what first. It's about respecting the SOLDIER and FAMILY. The individuals involved in posting information to FaceBook or texting about the loss of a Soldier have disrespected the FAMILY and the Military. It is not our role as a Spouse to spread tragic news or gossip. We should be taking care of our MILITARY FAMILY instead of causing chaos and confusion. As a Military Spouse, I am completely disgusted by the actions taken by the individuals involved. If you happen to receive information KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.. be RESPECTFUL!
Pre-Deployment briefings are only good if the spouses ATTEND them. I have known many who just won't go – or their spouse fails to inform them that it's happening. That said, even if they attend, the briefing is only good if the person listens and follows the protocol. Sadly, all it took in this instance is a few keystrokes to unravel someone's life.
This happened to me when my husband was sent to a hospital in Germany. Several FRG members contacted me about it and gave me a lot of false information, including that he was being sent back to the States. It caused me a lot of extra worry and stress, and I wish they had just let his command tell me first. The notification process is very involved. It may not be as fast as we’d like it to be but it exists for a reason. We need to respect that!
I don't care how modern the military gets; the proper way to notify of a military death is two gents at the door. The one who did the notification should be dealt with rather harshly. It was a disrespectful thing to do and was done by a thoughtless idiot. This is protocol and not to be broken!!
Even if you find out about a death of a spouse why would you be so cold as to txt them about it! It’s sick enough that you feel it’s your right to deliver that news but to do it in such a tacky way. At least make a phone call or show up at her front door yourself. It should never go down like they to begin with.
We have entered a stage in our nation's development where technology supercedes good manners, respect for privacy and common decency. Civility has become a lost art form, and this latest incident concerning notification of KIA to a family member via a text message without proper chain of command protocol only proves how this nation has lost sight of what it is to be a concerned citizen.
don you are an idiot, it was not in her place to inform anyone of anything…but she didnot inrtend it to be that, it was a condolence made too soon
..I think the spouses need to be informed of how long it actually takes for the families to be notified and then all the of the military involved in that area be subjected to the blackout period of I think 24 up to 72 hours ? so no one can be hurt more by this ….it was not intentional, it was a condolence message ,perhaps this can reinforce what needs to be done.
Condolence or not,it was not the right way to do it. I'm an Army Veteran and a cousin to Megan. The Army has protocol, rules and regulations. It took the military about 2 hours to get where she lives.. They did want they needed to do. Anyone sending condolence thru text or through a social network ought to be ashamed. would you want to be notified that way? I wouldn't! the condolence could've waited for a few days. The pain of the loss of anyone doesn't go away in a day or even in a week. It was wrong,intentionally or not! She wasn't close to this person, so I find it hard to believe it wasn,t intentional, she could've waited for her condolences, and to put it on facebook or a text message!
Jacey Eckhart,
I understand your need to write a "juicy" story that would capture us at first glance, mission accomplished….I opened the email RIGHT away! However, there were many blunders in the editing of this story. While I know (well, I'd like to think) it was not intentional….you may have inadvertently shaded the significance of this story with your attempts to be "witty" yet "modest". Come now, "The way death is suppose to happen, falling to your knees, Megan isn't the first to be slain, the quote from Evil Overlord List, I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. When we will start requiring our Media sources and reporters to take some sensitivity training, or at least the people editing….IMJ! Come on, when we know better, do better and when we learn, TEACH!
Fairly recently a soldier was killed in a motor vehicle accident on base (Ft. Stewart) and some of his close friends from Basic thought the Army was taking to long to notify his parents. My son told me they were frustrated and had numbers to rach the mom and dad. But, after speaking with me and thinking it through they left the responsibility to the Army and its protocol. Turned out the soldier's parents are divorced and both had gone away over a long weekend without notifying RD or FRG. So, notification can be delayed for several reasons and people need to let the Army do what it's trained to do. My condolences to the families involved in these particular deaths and all others, as well.
The men in the unit should not be allowed to say anything to family members until the next of kin of those killed have been notified. Easy solution. When my husband was deployed, I would have been furious if this had happened to me. My worst fear was an unexpected knock on the door. You shouldn't have to fear turning on your computer as well.
I was informed of my son's death at 1:30am, by family members who had just found out. He was not in the military, but that doesn't really matter. Marti, is right, there is no good way to tell someone that a loved one died.
To the family our sincere condolences.
We were briefed about this when I was A/D and again as a DoD civilian specialist downrange as recently as 2006/2007. OPSEC made it plain that names, dates and places were to be left out of all social media — and that included KIAs. I guess rules were meant to be broken and there are no absolute right and wrongs anymore. As for OPSEC — I guess that doesn't mean a damn thing anymore anyway. Our sincere regrets and condolances to Mrs. Born and her grieving family. Please don't judge us all. We really are a grateful nation after the tragic loss of Joshua Born.
Richard & Elizabeth, American Veterans
Beaufort, SC, USA
Its hard enough to recieve the phone call that they need to meet you at your house to discuss some "Sensitive Information". We got that very call 7 Dec 2011. It took the whole family by storm. Three days later life support had to be removed and our Marine was deployed to Heaven. We haven't even began to get started with our grieving and its been less than 3 months.
This is to all those who chose their grief and pain over the family of a fallen brother, SHAME ON YOU! I would NOT want to be in war with you. I would NOT trust my life to you if YOU CAN'T be trusted to care for my family and their feelings when I'm gone.
You all need to look in the mirror, if you can stomach the sight, and ask Joshua Born, his family and God Almighty for forgiveness.
Remember, If you can't stand behind our servicemen……Stand IN FRONT OF THEM!
OORAH—–Semper Fi
The only thing that could change this is limiting the information the military releases about deployments to families and/or limiting the contact these active duty members have with their families while on deployments. Clearly some spouses are choosing not to respect the sensitive information they are being told and as a military spouse I assure you, they are told continuously to be careful about what information they share. The fault starts at the active duty member who shared this information over seas and snowballed from there.
Brianna, thanks to GOD for the technology, limiting the contact of the active duty members with the families while deployments NO. The constant comunication is necesary for the well of the soldier and the family. We sacrifice a lot. I agree with you, they told us to be extremely carefull and that we have to follow OPSEC for the safety of our soldiers and us.
I hate to say this, but the soldiers themselves must be held to some accountability. If you're a soldier and yo0u kmow of someone who was killed in action, you should be responsible enough to refrain from releasing that information, even if it was a close friend, as hard as that might be, even to your own spouse, until the news of that death is delivered to the affected family through proper channels. If a soldier fails to do so, he should face consequences for his actions and his failure to follow military procedures and protocol. After all, how would he feel if it was his family who had to endure this kind of hardship? And with today's technology, it wouldn't be very difficult to find the trail that leaked the information.
First off I'm deeply sorry for her loss! That breaks my heart! To find out because some one sends you a message saying "I am sorry for your loss" when you don't know what or who you have lost! I am a proud Marine wife and I would be absolutely hurt if someone else found out before me and than told me against the rules! But what is done is done and now all we can do is
pray for this family! Pray for strength and peace during this time of grieving!
Mrs. Born,
I just wanted to say that I am sorry for you loss and I am sure that you husband was great soldier and it is a tragedy that he died. I am truly sorry for you loss and the way that you found out.
Sincerely,
Pvt. Stewart
In WW II almost 400,000 similar messages were sent via Western Union messenger boys… kids on bicycles… that is how my grandmother learned her two blue star flag would have to be changed to a gold star flag and a blue star flag…
the car and two soldiers at your door are part of the whole process not to mention one of them is usually a Chaplin or grief counselor to help the family members in the tough time of the bad news not to mentions it is just tradition the one i really think is the best one
My prayers are with the family. It is nice to have a support group of other spouses enduring the deployment, but this is not the way to communicate such heart-breaking news.
There is no excuse for such crass conduct. As an even younger then Air Force wife, wives of senior officers saw to welcome and orientation; they encouraged "meet and greet," and with appreciation for the "comfort zone" of "newbies," they made every effort for "mix-ups" by place card seating to avoid the "gruesome twosome;" to expand upon "Protocol" as the "happy way of doing things," and such basic shared customs as respect for casualty notifications would never be abridged and certainly not by the active duty themselves. This is not "progressive;" is is not about "internet," it is about basic respect and dignity for those having served and it is shameful.
All, your comments and spewing about the circumstances of how or why this happened over shadows the main point which is the family members are grieving and so pointing fingers and name calling is not what these family members want to read. How about expressing condolences to these families.
Provide the federal agencies contact information that the family can contact to find out why this happened the way it happened after they have had time to grieve and reflect on the loved one that had passed.
Concerns expressed WERE to express empathy for the spouse receiving such a "text" without a shred of sensitivity; it may impact her and others for a long time when they are in need of comfort and solace. Used to be personnel of The Armed Forces were held ACCOUNTABLE! They should be!
I've read several of these comments and decided to put my two cents in. Yes, there is no good way to find out a loved one has been killed. It is not the individuals responsibility to inform the family however. The reason that there are usually two people is one representing the command and the other a grief counselor or someone with the knowledge of where to suggest help. I've read where they should be allowed personal cell and sat phones – I disagree. As we have seen time and again, sensitive information can easily be disseminated either maliciously or accidentally. Remember that the enemy does have trained people that can piece together seemingly innocuous information into somethin that can be used against our military resulting in more notices being sent. I actually had one of my Marines ask me before he deployed that if something were to happen to make sure I was the one to notify his family since they already knew me. Thank God I never had to make one of those notifications. Remember that it is better to give up a little of your 'personal freedom' than to allow another person to be killed because of your ignorance.
That is the cruelest way there is. Did they find out who sent the text? This really fires me up once again.
There is to much technogy available is a combat zone. I know I am old school but common sense is never used by a few. During Vietnam we expressed are grief in a letter to out loved one and it took 7 or 8 days to get to the States. Soldier, Marines, Sailors and Airman do not have rights to any rapid communications in a combat area where news and oher information can effect notification of injury or death by officals, it can also be a security concern.
Senior Chief USN
OPSEC…When I was on deployment and someone was KIA/WIA all internet and phones were secured til the family had been notified so this exact scenario never played out!! I was also in the Marine Corps, but this is the ARMY and units commands fault and should be delt with. No family should ever find out that their brave loved one has sacrificed their life for this country like this!!f God bless him, his soul, and his loved ones. R.I.P. brotha
The woman who sent the text was close enough to have her number … dare I say maybe even a friend. What kind of "friend" sends a text like that? Geez, at least go over there if you're going to spout bad news like that before the army has a chance to tell her. Insensitive b****.
First of all I’d like to express my deepest sorrow & regret to the families off all the spouses and families their fallen family members. One of the biggest problems I can see today with many of the protocols our military is the lack of restraint that families of fallen military members have to endure. Everyone says that this is the age of communications, via cell / smartphones, and so on. It’s the responsibility of the officers in command to keep under control, the information concerning people in their command. Plus the fact that many of our highest in command are very concerned on what they say and/or do because of the sad “commander in chief” they have to work and operate under. They are many times damned if they do and damned if they don’t these day while having to walk over egg-shells in fear that they may “offend” someone. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation. We need to go back to a time where a human life was worth something, especially the men and women in this countries great military. Just my 2 cents.
This should never happen. In my last unit, it was not uncommon for us to be under a "commo black-out" which meant that all cell phones had to be turned into the Commander or 1SG. Also, all personal internet was shut down. If you got caught somehow sending messages anyway, it was an automatic Field Grade Article 15. Everyone was given the senario that occurred to this spouse and told to think about it if it was you who got killed and your family was pre-notified by phone or internet. Heads should roll over this.
Military Spouses should know if the news channels are not revealing the name then the soldier's family has not been notified. If you have not heard it on the news or know for sure the family has been notified don't contact the family. Maybe one solution would be to tell the unit members when the family has been notified.
I hope these wars end soon so family members do not need to be notified. My heart goes out the the family and friends of lost and injured solders.
If I got the news via text I would'nt believe it ! I would probably get mad thinking it was some NUT being and ass. As a long time Army Spouse and caregiver to a very seriously wounded soldier, I would not have relied on anything less than that dreaded knock on the door. I STAND WITH THIS YOUNG GIRL IN HER SADNESS, as we all should, GOD BLESS HER, and keep her in the coming days. And I hope the other unit wives stand by her side. SHE NEEDS THEM NOW.
You can never replace good judgement and discipline with technical policies. This is the perfect example of THINK before you hit "Enter" on that post, email or text … please folks … THINK!
there no way to tell someone that a love one gone believe me I know but from a text message it's not right. if the militray would say no cell phone to all when out of the country would be GREAT because you never know if your husband or wife ,son,daughter drop they phone and who knows is it your love one calling or someone else. I know most you think I'm wrong but I'm telling you the truth. MY husband was with a team and some didn't make it but I had sat and waited but to hear his voice on militray phone was a gift from God. So cell phone not for out on the field.
I'm a new military spouse, and my husband will be deploying in a few short months. And to think of being told something happened to him in such a manner is terrible! News such as that should be delivered in person. My heart goes out to his spouse and family.
I did not read all of these posts. I just know when you lose a spouse that you loved very much it is not something that you need to place blame on. Just dealing with the hurt is enough and God Bless you and may time help you and go on. I know time heals and I am dealing with the lose of a spouse that I cherished. Can't go back but pain is unbearable. Go with me from day to day and we will get through this. Our loved ones would not want us to bear up and go on. May God give his blessing to you and help you through this crises. I know I need help to get from day to day. God Bless