Ever since I started interviewing for this new job as Editor of SpouseBuzz, I have been fielding the same muttered question from everyone I know: what are all those military blogs for anyway? People ask me that question as if everything you need to know about military life is on the nightly news. They ask as if the solutions to our problems are held by civilians who have never spent more than a week away from their husbands or wives. They don’t seem to know that we military spouses blog because we actually NEED blogs.
First, we need spouse blogs because the mainstream news about the military sometimes seems so strange. It is strange to read about a Navy commander who raped two sailors when the guy you married is out helping one of his sailors store his car so it won’t get towed. It is strange to see Marines accused of desecrating Taliban corpses when those same guys worked a car wash for your kid’s school two months ago. It is strange to know that the SEALs who located Osama Bin Laden are probably the same guys who wander around the new commissary unable to locate the Velveeta (Is it a cheese like a cheddar? Is it a spread like Nutella? Is it a dip near the chips? Depends on where you are stationed…).
Second, we need spouse blogs because we military families don’t live lives full of news items. Yes, we have the highest highs—look at any picture of a Homecoming and know that is true. We have the lowest lows—that is what coverage of a military funeral is for. But the majority of our lives are full of a lot of complicated normals. We do best when we adopt tried and true coping strategies from other military families.
Third, today’s military family lives that complicated normal largely alone—a modern day Swiss Family Robinson cast adrift in a sea of civilian suburbs. This is true if your spouse is in the National Guard or on Active Duty. The majority of us don’t live our lives on base.
No wonder we blog. No wonder we read blogs to try to figure out how these normal-looking people manage to serve in the military and cope with deployments and raise a couple of decent kids and live a million miles away from anyone that could possibly be expected to babysit and still manage to sit in the backyard together and crack each other up. We read to find out if these coping people are like us. We read to see if we can be happy like them. We write to discover that the answers are here to be found in the stories we tell and the comments we share in a community created by blogs.
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
"We read to find out if these coping people are like us. We read to see if we can be happy like them. "
So true! BINGO! Bullseye! YES!
PS – The Velveeta is NOT near the Nutella in my Commissary. (I would have noticed!)
I never knew there were so many out there until I started researching for my thesis. Our voices need to be heard. That was one reason I chose my thesis topic. I've lived in a the civilian world for the past 3 years and no one know anything about mil spouses and out lives. After reading blogs looking for people that might want to be part of my project I've become hooked and love to read them now. We all have so much to say but I wonder how many of these blogs reach anyone but others in the military? It is wonderful to know that others, across the world, are experiencing similar things as you are. My heart also breaks for those who are dealing with issues that I will never know. God Bless us all and I sincerely hope all our blogs find a place both within our community and especially outside for civilians to understand out lives.
Hey Sonja,
Am a newly married lady. My husband PCS'd and so I had to leave my job. I am unable to get a job and the last one that I got, after the offer, it was taken away and given to an active duty person who was retiring the same month I was starting my job…How do I handle joblessness when there is vacancy and am not being given the jobs at the base.
Amen.
For me personally, I have never been that interested in blogs, and even after checking out quite a few of them I still am not that interested. If I want to be that involved with someone else's life, I'll get a real life friend. I understand the whole "there's someone out there going through what I'm going through", but some of the blogs are just computer soap boxes. I also find some to be oozing self-importance and since I don't know the blogger personally how can I trust their supposed knowledge. My daily life isn't that exciting and I really don't want to spend time reading about other not so exciting lives. The day to day is just something we gotta deal with (since the world doesn't stop when we need a break) and I have never thought that I was the only one who was jumping the hurdles life put in our paths. The whole idea of putting my private life out in the public spotlight is not for me and I still don't understand how others can lay themselves out like an open book.
Mel: You interest me because clearly you are looking for something. If a blog doesn't help, what would help? I'm always interested in how we can help military families deal with the day to day better.
My husband is a SgtMaj. and I have been quite lonely since we arrived at his first duty station as a Sgt.Maj. I find it extremely difficult to develop friendships unless I am around people enough to begin to feel comfortable around them. Also, we usually make couples friends and that has added some difficulty since he cannot socialize with certain ranks and our pool of possible couples friends is alot smaller than when he was a gunny. (cont)
(cont) His work schedule is very demanding and I have 2 kids who are in that age group that they are too old for daycare, but not old enough to stay home alone for long periods. My adult contacts, as of now, is where I volunteer twice a week, and any family readiness activities I can attend. I have less availability for those events since my husband's new unit is an hour away and I am trying to juggle the schedules of everyone in the household. (cont)
(cont) During his last deployment, I became interested in an internet forum for military spouses and discovered this site. I enjoy the comments being made on issues and I like the debates that arise. I am not looking for how-to's but I have benefitted from the different perspectives that come out of these online discussions. I also enjoy the view I get of other branches of service since my husband is in the Marine Corps and I know very little about the other branches. I thought they all operated the same way. (cont)
(cont) I am in my mid 40's and I like the fact that all adult age groups are represented on these sites. Due to my involvement in family readiness I mostly come into contact with 20 somethings and it's nice to see the responses from people who are closer to my age. Not to piss off anyone, but my perspective has changed over the years and it's good to hear what other people my age think about things. It's easy to get wrapped up in my own bubble and the sites I visit give me the opportunity to step out of the bubble and see what is going on around me.
Real friends in a new duty station are always hard to find–especially with that kind of job. I can see how just reading about something isn't quite the same thing as having a real person to go out with. Something to think about.
where did the rest of my comments go? I had several continuations that I posted and they are not on here.
Mel — for some reason our system flagged one of your comments as needing "moderation." Sometimes there's no explaining :-). I fixed it. Sorry for the confusion!
I've seen your posts now and I actually printed them out. You offer such good direction for people who are not being served by some of our other posts–there are a lot of people out there like you!
GREAT post! I started my blog when my husband went to basic in 2009. After that, I figured I might as well see if there was anyone else like me on the interwebz, blogging about their military life. I won't lie, I was SHOCKED to find so many military blogs! Since then, I've made a whole ton of friends….and I've never met most of them. I've learned from these friends, met some of them in person, and had their support during the rough patches of this military life. We definitely live a life different from civilians…it's no surprise so many of us need an outlet and a place to find others just like us.
First article I can relate to on here because it is genuine and heartfelt, and it shoots straight from the hip!
First of all, welcome!
I could not agree more with you about the necessity of military blogs, and I feel so fortunate to be a part of that. Just this week I received an email from a SpouseBUZZ reader who read some of my guest posts here on SpouseBUZZ.
That might not seem remarkable to most of you, until you consider the fact that both she & I have a rare disease called RSD. The support that we'll each be able to receive due to this connection cannot be underestimated.
(And on that note, please check out Rare Disease Day, and spread the word! http://rarediseaseday.us )
Complicated normal, yes, very well said. Sometimes the mainstream media would have you believe all is injustice and immoral about war. Thanks for outlining reasons a voice is needed… One of reason.
Esther Monroe
I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said that we need blogs because mainstream media doesn't necessarily hit the "right" stories. It's the reason blogs (of any nature) developed in the first place; to provide an alternative information source. Unfortunately when the public sees sensationalism in the news, perception can become reality. Blogs give us the chance to provide another credible voice if we use them responsibly.
I love finding other wives out there that can relate to similiar things. Since my husband joined the military it seems we live a whole new life in a foreign world sometimes lol. ( We are in Alaska so maybe that is it lol). I love finding military bloggers!
Besides military spouse blogs we need fresh opinions that are not feeding us what others want us to know. It's also good to be able to follow in the footsteps of another service/family member with similar interest and experiences.