I have Facebook, Twitter, and a Pinterest account. I have Linkedin and Tumblr accounts, too. So what critical piece is missing in my social circle? What could a 40-year old mother and wife of a Unites State Marine really be missing?
If you guessed best friend then you should be playing the lotto. Don’t get me wrong, I do have a lot of friends, co-workers, the Junior League, and other volunteer groups that count on me. On any given day you can find my driving spirit behind any one of the events happening in our community. Heck, I have offered to hostess more book clubs, socials, teas, and get-togethers at my house than I can count on both hands. That begs a person to ask, “Why don’t you have a best friend?”
To answer that you must start at the beginning … I am a military spouse who PCS’d from southern California to northwest Florida. We have been here for a little more than two-years and in this time I have made many acquaintances. The women with whom I have become acquainted I am able to catch up with once a month or once every several months. So where is the woman who wants to grab a soy chai latte and have chick chat early on a Saturday morning? In fact, my southern California friends are more of the type that want to hit up $1 Taco Tuesday-sweat through Zumba class on Wednesday-grab a glass of wine after watching a foreign film on Friday-and then high-five you after a solid day of volunteering on a Saturday. To me, that’s what best friends do.
A best friend is more than hushed giggles and knowing what’s in your secret closet. A best friend is the one that smiles and complains through every task and adventure. A best friend is the person who listens to your complaints about the work up schedule, the extended deployment, and the fact that the lawn mower won’t start. Yet she is also the person who snaps your favorite homecoming photo.
You might be asking, “What kind of best friend are you?” I am the type of best friend that spent 6-weeks receiving my Healthy Pregnancy/Healthy Baby certification so that I could help a young woman breathe through the delivery of her first child. I was the one who cut the cord and took the homecoming photo when Dad returned from Iraq or Afghanistan or Japan… well you get it. Right?! I mean a best friend is not the person who RSVPs to your BUNCO party and then is a no show. And when you call to check on said person, just to be sure that she is alive and her kids are okay, she says, “Eh, I was tired and decided to skip it.”
So today I am throwing open the doors in search of my very own best friend. At 40 years old, I will promise to not call us Besties, but I may call us sisters or I may call you my BFF for ease. I do like how BFF rolls off the tongue by the way. My new best friend will have only one responsibility and that will be to step in and enhance the greatness of my life. Friendships are like gold, when you find that wonderful shiny nugget you hoop and holler with joy.
Angie is a passionate volunteer who has a love for creativity and enjoys spending her time mentoring military spouses. After spending 9 years in southern California she is now a transplanted Marine Corps Spouse living at an Air Force Base in Northwest Florida. She is the mother of two teenagers and is madly in love with her Marine.
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Comments
haha what an awesome post!! your right besties are hard to find. Everyone is so antisocial now or attempt to be social and then they can't be bothered to follow thru. It's hard to make that connection :/
What a wonderful, truthful and well written article.
I enjoyed this read. Because of its truth, right down to the So Cal friends (LOL), I can only smile at the strength, schedule and diversity of the Marine Corps Spouse. All military spouses, I am sure. ;-) Thank you, Angie and Jacey!
This article is so true. At 44, sometimes with life being well life, it is hard to connect to people. We moved to the state we live in now 4 years ago and really havent made any good connections and never did I notice it so much as recently, since my husband is deployed and my kids all have lifes of there own. My one true best friend lives in another state. But I really wish I could find someone where I live now.
I know exactly how you feel. I am 40 and I never noticed that I didnt have any true friendhips or connections with anyone until my husband deployed recently. Sometimes it can be a bit lonely, especially how most military spouse tend to me younger than I am.
When you get it, you get it. I think the Bestie is the one you don't have to give the label to because they don't care about labels, they only care that there is another adventure they get to join you on. They care that your cup is full, and if you don't like what it is full of, well, they'll help you get that down. I love my Marine Corps sisters and thank you each for always being the person in my life who know how to laugh, cry, encourage, and nudge me. BFFs forever!
When you find those special bonds it makes it even harder to move. When you move you realize what you don’t have anymore. Sometimes friendships feel forced or a lot of work but there are certain times in life when it just happens and it’s natural and so easy. I think some people never find those type of friendships. I know how lucky I am. I am so thankful to the Corps <3
I had a best friend at our last duty station. We moved, and I don't have one here. I have a very very very good friend whom I enjoy immensely and really like…but she's not a best friend…
I'm a 38 year old, married to a career soldier, and I SO want a BFF like that too. After 16 years in the military and PCSing every 3 years I have great friends scattered all over the country and overseas. We have been at our new duty station for 6 months and I'm still all alone. I miss game nights, wine tasting, bbq's, date nights, gym buddies, lunch group, and all the fun shopping adventures we used to have. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.
I’m 22 and a marine corps spouse and still don’t have a best friend lol it makes it so hard cause it’s like no matter where our husbands go they always have this group of friends that comes with their new duty station not so much for us spouses :-/
I agree, a best friend or even a real friend is difficult to find and keep when you move every 2 to 4 years. I'm a 45 year old Army wife and we've moved around the US and overseas several times in the last 23 years. Sometimes the commonality of being a military spouse is not enough to sustain a lasting friendship.
It's difficult to make true friends when you know that you are only passing to a place. After living so many friends your auto-defence system keep the distance between you and others. Maybe next move will be my last.