We military spouses spend a lot of time worrying about our children. According to the surveys, the thing military spouses worry about most in military life is how deployment is going to affect kids. We worry that we are bungling the whole thing in a way in which Jackie O could never approve. We worry that our children will forget what their dad looks like if he deploys even one more week. We worry that the deployment is changing the chemical composition of our child’s brain so that she will only wear black until she is 46. We worry that if we serve Cheerios for dinner (again) Michele Obama will swoop down and demand that heads of broccoli float among those wholesome Os.
We worry too much. Instead we ought to focus on that fact that military spouses really ARE the kind of people who believe in keeping kids unbungled. The research backs us up. Time after time deployment researchers have found that the better their caregiver (read: mom) copes with deployment, the better the kids cope with deployment. Good enough is good enough, Mom. So put those kids to bed and put your feet up. (Unless it is only 9 a.m. when you read this. Then you still gotta put in your time…)
Do you have a favorite military wife quote? Send it to us using our Comment button. We want to hear why that quote has meaning for you and how it can help other military families.
Navy wife Jacey Eckhart is Editor of SpouseBuzz and author of I Married a Spartan?? The Care and Feeding of Your Military Marriage available on iTunes, Amazon, and on www.jaceyeckhart.com.
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
This is one of the reasons I am putting of kids, for what I think may be a very long time. I vouch for the benefits of a stable home and great parenting, childhood important and I think often overlooked. It is the root of most of our adult "mental upsets" I want to be a good mom I want to have the time and I want to want it.
Also because my husband rants on how "he cant be with someone who isnt doing anything with their life." So I will put kids aside and I will have a career instead. He may of mentioned having them but I refuse now, because I am not going to be disrespected in the sense that he may think I am not doing anything. To be a good parent takes so much more then any job. It is tiring, frustrating, nerve breaking and so much more. I am not going to work just so I can come home and then take care of kids. Sorry. Only if it is equal between me and my honey.
Its crappy women have to put things aside for kids,while the men reap the benefits and then they get to be disrespected and told they are lazy or did nothing. I love kids but I am not having kids until I can be the best parent I can even if that means waiting a very long time. If I am having to work full time and raise the kids without help, I am not doing it. It takes two to make them and two to raise them and I will not do it alone. Bless the women who can tolerate it. I admit I may be being biased but I had to watch kids when I was a kid and I know what it takes.
It is a job by itself and I think its disrespectful to treat women badly if they took off a few years to commit to their family, but it happens and the last thing I want to do is allow it to happen to me so my own husband can disrespect me and leave my accomplishments unrecognized. So, thanks but no thanks. Sorry if I am offending anyone this is just my outlook. I am grateful for the women who do, my mom took off till I was in kindergarten and she was wonderful and got me very ahead in school and that was so much more then important to my development. To many people lack the perspective though especially men and infertile women.
Since I know the workload and the deep importance I am trying to make the best choice I can to protect my self, my self worth, my mental and physical heath, and self esteem that would certainly be destroyed by the people around me. I think it is important for my husband to understand the workload mentally and physically and the tiring commitment before we have kids so he will not ever disrespect me nor let anyone else. If we both do full time then he MUST help equally and I think that is only so much more than fair.
Yes I want a career, it is important to me but I am not going to put it aside to be the parent I should be,when it will never even be acknoledged and the many opinions about it can beat me down. It is to hard and you truly cannot do both alone. One will suffer and since I know that will cause me to "bungle" my kids I will wait as I said very long until I have the time, and one career almost completed. I am not saying anything to offend people as I mentioned above this is just my opinion. I respect the women who have the balls to put everthing aside for their babies even though they know they negative outlook they often get and bless them, I just want to be happy and the last thing I want is to be bashed down in my own home. Yes, it happens, I have seen it.
Wow, it's probably a good thing you don't want kids right now. Being a parent is not a thankless job full of suffering and sacrifice. My kids are not a chore, they are people whom I will do my best to care for and to help shape into happy and successful adults. My happiness in my chosen path comes from all those little joys that I get to experience as my kids' mother. Sure, things can get overwhelming, but so does anything else in life that we may choose to do. We just keep moving forward, doing our best, and hoping our best is enough.
cont. I don't care what others think about in terms of what I have accomplished. What matters is what I think about my accomplishments and as a parent I am very happy with my choice to be the constant in my kids' world and as they have been getting older, I am more able to branch out and experience other things to enhance my daily experience. I haven't set "me" aside, I choose to make their needs a priority and then I take time for myself. It's just a matter of organization, time management and knowing when I really need some "me" time. I'm "me" no matter what and I understand that to be a good parent I cannot neglect myself and become bitter about my choice to be a parent. My kids are only in my home until they become independent adults and I am thankful that I am able to be such a large part of their daily lives.
Well I am very happy you are able to be a content mother. I believe my view rests on on the negativity I see around me. I just cant see myself how any woman can dedicate time to a full time career and be very successful when she is having to watch kids as well, it is a very daunting task and I just think that both partner should help( although I know some do!) But I think they ALL should and I think everyone should be respectful of others and their choices whether to put their career aside for their babies or whether they choose not to have any at all. Every job has its difficulties
Its always funny to see how people look at motherhood from the outside. Which is no wonder since I complain about my kids all the time! I guess what I am trying to say with this quote is that I can look at my kids and know that everything I put in to them matters. It lasts. I love my other work, too. But isn't as important as those three little people who will sit at my Thanksgiving table every year (I wish) for the rest of my life.
People who can’t divide motherhood and work should probably not become mothers. Ever. Motherhood does require a lot of sacrifices on your part as a mother but to say that it is unacknowledged or unappreciated is ridiculous. Anyone feeling that way is either married to the wrong person or has not cultivated the right support network. Motherhood is a full time job. I have a degree but chose to put my career on hold while our children are small because it was the right thing to do for our family. My husband is very supportive and is actually sad that I will be going back to work when our youngest starts school. It is absolutely possible to have both but there is a time for everything. Kids are small for such a tiny window of time. I can’t imagine missing a second of it because when I look at my girls I know without a doubt that they are my greatest accomplishment. They are my indelible mark on the future and my legacy. My career would never make me feel as fulfilled. As for rewards, the reward is in your child’s smile, hugs, grubby little messy kisses and the tiny little “I love you mom” that escapes their lips when they can finally speak. No job will ever make me feel as good as my daughters do. So having both is nice but given the choice, I would be a mother any day of the week.
It's how you handle life that children learn to do it too and are inspired by you. If there are no adversities for you to overcome, how do they learn to overcome them? By piling on a ton of sports activities on top of their school work and asking them to get A's? That is not real life.