The military lifestyle provides many stressors on families and marriages. But I think one of the biggest stressors on a military marriage is a Permanent Change of Station (PCS). Especially if this PCS involves a lengthy cross-country trek.
Picture this: me, my husband, our six-month-old daughter, our lab, and two cats stuffed into one SUV in the dead of winter. Halfway through our 2,000 mile cross country trip. In the middle of rural Oklahoma. With no cell service or GPS signal. Baby screaming in the back. Gas tank on empty. My husband and I arguing because he refused to stop earlier and now we are going to be stranded in the middle of nowhere. Me threatening all the things I will do to him if said stranding occurs.
Yet, two years later we are still (happily) married. We managed to survive this trip without inflicting bodily harm on each other (I kid, we would never actually hurt each other) and no one was left on the side of the road.
How do you make it? Here are four tips for surviving a PCS:
1. If you have kids, get a portable DVD player. No, seriously. This was a lifesaver for us. No one would argue that planting your child in front of cartoons for hours upon hours is good parenting. However, when it comes to being stuck in a car for days on end, license plate games and signing songs aren’t going to cut it. Having access to entertainment makes a trip with small children tolerable.
2. Take Breaks. Being confined to a car or small hotel room for days with your entire family can make you want to pull your hair out, so it’s important to get a breather. If you are on the road, plan stops around places that you can stretch your legs and the kids can play. For instance, fast food chains with play areas are great for this. If you are living in temporary quarters, get out as much as possible. A quick trip on your own to the grocery store may be just what you need to clear your head.
3. Think of it as an adventure. Your frame of mind can make a big difference. Also, finding sightseeing stops along your route can turn your travels from a grueling cross country march into a memorable family trip.
4. Above all else, keep your sense of humor. When the going gets tough, the tough get laughing. A good laugh is great stress relief. And, if you can laugh together instead of fighting, you can keep the inevitable hairy situations from getting the best of you.
About Erin
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We just completed our return PCS trip (Driving/ferry) from Fairbanks (Wainwright), AK to Fort Rucker in lower Alabama. We have three kids, two dogs and we were driving our Jeep Commander, in the dead of winter! For anyone who owns a Commander they know it isn't the roomiest of SUV's, but it is THE BEST winter vehicle on the planet! While we have a built in DVD in it, our kids, 15, 13, and 6 aren't really into movies much anymore, though there were a few they watched. Mostly they listened to music, text with friends and we like listening to the comedy channel on the radio. We of course did stop frequently, probably more for our two dogs then the kids! lol And as always, a PCS IS an adventure! We didn't have time to stop as much along the way on our way back down south (we closed on our house two days after arriving), but we were able to find some highlights. Though the northern US are pretty barren. :( And yes, you have to keep a bit of humor in it all. For example, while I was pretty ticked at the time, it became funny after the fact, we were at a hotel in South Dakota (this was the trip to Alaska) and another guests dog got out of the room and proceeded to PEE on one of our bags as we were loading to leave! When the owner found out he gave my husband $50 for the bag and a huge apology. Luckily the bag was water proof, but we threw it out anyway and got a new one down the road. This is our last PCS, my husband will retire soon and I have to say, while I am glad we are going to stay put for a while here, I will miss those PCS moves!
You forgot Pack snacks!!!
We did this years ago, but more food ended up in the car then in their belly's! lol Though we did have water bottles. So, unless you don't mind food being all over, we personally forgo the snacks.
We are about to go completely across the country. Two kids (age 14 & 13), 2 young cats, a 2yr old mastiff rottweiler mix we rescued when she was being abused by a friends' children, a 6yr old puggle who has strokes and seizures when stressed (yes, should be fun) aaand, my darling man is bring home a puppy from his last Army field trip that was rescued when some gang wannabe types were abusing it in an alley. So, 6week old puppy will join us. Yes, fun…fun. I wonder how long the puppy will fit in the triple mag pouch?
I am also advocating that people get the laptop portable internet chip – so that the kids can keep in touch with friends and you have an outlet when you don't have to drive.
I never would have made the last cross country trip without doggy downers either – 150lb dog who gets carsick – super fun.
OH… we are doing a special project for a close friend – photographing a special stuffed animal in all sorts of locations as we pack and move then, we are making her a scrapbook and will send pages so she can stay up to date in our lives – outside of the internet. :)
At the tail end of a UT to SC full dity psc with a 26 foot trucks pulling a 14 foot trailer, would have been nice if we would have though to ask the hotels when we made reservations if there was going to be room to park