There is currently a casting call out there for a “military couple looking to address their broken marriage.” The first time I read this it automatically hit a nerve, maybe it was the use of the words “toxic,” and “demise,” in reference to something that is precious to me — marriage.
Recently I had the pleasure of attending a SpouseBuzz live event at 29 palms California, the theme of the event was “Take back your story.” With the recent influx of media attention and military spouse casting calls that are out there, we want to ensure that the world is hearing ALL of our stories, and not just the same one over, and over, we are taking back our story,” from the media and from Hollywood, and showing the world what this life is really all about.
I read the new casting call about a hundred times before coming to the realization that word choice is not why it struck a nerve at all. It struck a nerve because I could relate. I feel like my husband and I are constantly at the edge of a waterfall about to fall over at any second, and when we do, one of us is bound to drown. The roller coaster of emotions that controls our daily lives is too much sometimes, and while it would be easy to place the blame on either one of us that’s not what this is about.
This is where my fear of this show comes in, are they looking for hope, or baby mama drama? Will someone have to be made to look bad, or are they legitimately just trying to help? Military couples have a very unique set of challenges to work through as it is, and unless someone understands, or is willing to understand these challenges an attempt to help could end in disaster.
The casting call goes on to ask, “Have you or your partner been tempted to cheat, or maybe already have? Has PTSD or any other military-related issue contributed to the demise of your marriage?”
To be completely honest, who hasn’t been tempted to cheat? Temptation by definition is the desire to perform an action that one may enjoy immediately or in the short term but will probably later regret for various reasons. The mere thought of even a television star sweeping you off your feet IS temptation, porn IS temptation and while that may not lead to the “demise” of your marriage, it’s kind of like a gateway drug.
About the PTSD or other military issues contributing, yes, yes, and yes again. I get asked all the time if PTSD is so hard to deal with and it affects our marriage and my happiness so much why do I stay? Again, how I answer this does not matter, people are going to come to their own conclusions, either he is an abusive jerk and I need to get the heck out of there, or I am a nagging wife and he is a hero who has done his job and I need to let him heal.
There is generally no in between, so while I would absolutely love for any couple to receive the help they need to successfully continue down the path toward a happy marriage, I am skeptical. On one hand this could really be an opportunity to show the world, and other military families that divorce is not the only answer. But on the other, is it really ok for a show to profit off of the challenges that face our nations heroes and their families?
Should this be a couple’s first line of defense, or a very last attempt just in case the situation is made worse. Have we already lost the battle with the drama hungry reality TV junkies, or can we “take back our story?” What are your thoughts?
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I wish it was possible to put the good stories out there so that they can be heard at least as well/often as the not-good stories, but the media doesn't play fair. "Good" stories don't sell nearly as well as "baby mama drama" ones…. And, sadly, they can edit, edit, edit to make it look however they want it to look.
Unfortunately, you are right, does not matter what the story is, it's what everyone wants to hear, we need to change that somehow. We need to make the world want to hear the good more than the bad.
I don't know why every challenge and heartbreak needs to be made public. Marriage is a private matter and I don't see how airing the troubles in a marriage publicly will help overcome it's obstacles. The public eye can affect our honesty with ourselves and others, it can affect how we view issues and it may cause us to say or do things that go against what we really feel. To repair a troubled marriage there needs to be complete openness and honesty that has not been tainted by outside influences. What is said and felt in a counseling session needs to come from deep within and a married couples struggle is not a source of entertainment on prime time TV. We can get the word out about our experiences in the military lifestyle without subjecting ourselves to "reality TV", by sharing our experiences with those around us. Word of mouth goes a long way and I would much rather have others hear true experiences instead of overdramatized crap that brings big ratings and money to some big shots who think they are working in our best interests.
I agree with the two above posts completely. As a former tv editor, there used to be a saying, and I'm sure that it's still true. If it bleeds it leads. Stay away from those reality TV people. While some may have the best intentions we see on a weekly basis what that kind of programming does. If you marriage had issues before they will have more issues if being part of this. Just think Kate & Jon Gossling or The Hulk and his wife all divorced or in the process.
If you have ever watched "reality tv", you'd already know it has not ever done one good thing for a married couple. When camera's follow you around all the time, it is almost always a rule that a marriage that is barely hanging by a thread will find itself in time completely broken away from that last connection. TV in a marriage is BAD. Ask Nick and Jessica. Ask the tons upon tons of contestants on Bachelor, Bachelorette shows. who didn't, SHOCK, find Mr or Ms Right. Cameras are a BAD IDEA…..no matter how good intentioned.