If you’ve been following the show “Army Wives” this season, you know that the character Roxy has been making the transition from enlisted personnel’s wife to an officer’s wife. In the episode that aired on March 25th, she took the position of Family Readiness Group (FRG) Leader for her husband’s company. After her introductory meeting, the senior officer spouses, Claudia Joy and Denise, advised her that ‘’was an officer’s spouse/FRG Leader now, she needs to start acting like it” and that she needs to tone down her style (read: dress more conservatively).
If there is a guideline for how an officer’s wife or FRG Leader should dress, I missed that memo. I have been the wife of an Army officer for going on 8 years, and I have never once worn a cardigan to an FRG meeting. A cute shrug? Maybe. But not because I had to.
When it comes to my duties as an FRG volunteer, I always leave the Mary Janes and pearls at home. And at most of the Battalion level meetings, the Colonel’s wife is usually dressed casually as well.
And there’s the flip side to this stereotype: by saying that as an officer’s wife, Roxy needs dress up more they are implying something else entirely — enlisted spouses do not dress well. And I don’t think this is not a fair classification, either.
What’s your opinion? Do you think that the “Army Wives” FRG presents a stereotype, or do think FRG leaders should be expected to abide by a dress code?
Erin is an Army wife of seven years and a mother of two little girls. She blogs at The Unexpected Army Life.
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I don't know its tricky. I don't think they were implying enlisted spouses dress badly but that as an officers spouse and leader it helps to be a bit more polished. I think they did a good job showing Roxy change but still stay true to herself. And I think looking more polished like she did also makes one more confident. I'd be way more confident in a sharp outfit than jeans and a tee. But thats just my two cents =)
in my spouse group, no one can tell the difference between officer and enlisted wives unless you happen to know their husbands job… and no one seems to care much either… but that's AF, so maybe things are different in the army ;)
I agree with you Zoe! We're AF as well. I just think that Roxy's outfits were part of what made her who she was, you know? She wore bright clothes and animal print and that totally fit her vivacious personality! I don't think there should be any rift between officer and enlisted. To me, we're all the same :)
I just wrote a novel then deleted it. This subject really hits close to home for me this week especially but suffice it to say I don’t think the tv show meant to speak negatively of enlisted spouses they were simply repeating what the public is taught to believe. Officers wives wear skirts, cardigans, and pearls enlisted spouses look like they belong on people of wal-mart. We all know this is not necessarily true but unfortunately the stereotype does exist even if it does predate June Cleaver.
I'm not involved with our FRG (not even a little bit) so I have no idea whether a dress code is appropriate or not – I'd think that I would care more about the leader's attitude and knowledge than hemline and shirt though. I also definitely thought the idea that an enlisted wife would have to have wardrobe help when transitioning to an officer's wife was offensive. Especially since the enlisted wives in the FRG were portrayed as whiny lazy girls who only cared about donuts :\
I'm not saying I care only about donuts — but now that you bring it up I do feel like donuts should be a priority. :-) Mmmmm….
Priority over wardrobe for sure! And I don't care if the provider of donuts if wearing a cardigan and skirt or a t-shirt and jeans ;)
If wives aren't suppose to wear their husband's rank than what difference does it make how we dress? This season of Army Wives is really bugging me and I'm about to stop watching. Roxy isn't being true to herself she's conforming to some outdated sterotype and that line "being an FRG leader could help Trevor's career." You'vgot to be kidding me! I could go on and on about how this storyline is making me mad but well it is just a TV show and maybe it's time to change the channel.
Totally agree!
If you think it doesn't make a difference how you dress or carry yourself you don't know the Army. You can pretend that does not matter but your husbands will pay the price, of course you'll never hear about it but behind closed doors they are discussing every detail of your family especially at those levels. Deny it or not you are a huge part of your husbands career after the ranks of O-4 and E-6.
enlisted, officer it shouldn't matter but when you are a leader or in charge of a group. I think it's not mandatory but it's appropriate to dress profesionally or business causal. By doing so you yourself are not distracting to the viewer and also i hate to say it but people do judge by the way we look. If you are dressed the right way and meeting new people etc you give off a good first impression. To say it doesn't matter is not true. It's sad but true but not all but most people still judge a book from it's cover.
I don't care how you dress, but please do come dressed. I own pearls and I once owned a cardigan, but I have never worn them to an FRG function, as either an enlisted or officer spouse (I have been both). If someone dresses in a way that feels unnatural to them, then they are going to come across as disingenuous in person. I don't care what people wear on the outside, I care about the level of commitment and caring they show towards others.
Oh boy do i think they perpetuate stereotypes and decorum from a bygone age. I admit one should dress appropriately foe whatever function they are attending, but in the end as long as the boobs or hooha pop out i'm good with whatever their idea of appropriate is. Who am i to judge. These days army wives are more modern, i myself have several tattoos and have been known to have pink hair. This does me i look inappropriate at all. People should worry about the person content than wardrobe choices. I mean i don't hate on their matchy mstchy twinsets….to each their own and it was wrong of them to imply Roxy needed to change….stepping off my soapbox now. ( oh and i have been an army wife for over 11 yrs)
Forgive my typos…dadgum thinks it knows better than me what to type, lol…..
Drama Drama Drama….what a bunch of silly things to to get all stressed about as there are much more important things in life to focus on!
I have made this transition myself and found it difficult. I think the show was well meaning and simply using the clothes to represent the other changes that happen when you ‘crossover’ and there ARE differences whether we all like to admit it or not
I have a closet full of cardigans. I wear them because I love them. I like the way they look on me. I like conservative. It's just what I like. And I'm okay with that. I dress in things that make me comfortable and I take care to dress appropriate to the event/meeting/occasion. I think that's all that matters. After 20 years, I suspect those cardigans aren't going anywhere. ;)
I cannot speak to the Army, but I recently became the Ombudsman for my husband's Navy Reserve unit and I can tell you with all honesty….without having even met my predecessor except over the phone…that I was given the clothing speech. She didn't even know how I dressed. It didn't matter. Business dress when on base. At all times when I am representing the Navy. Maybe being the wife of an officer is part of it, but until I took the position no one told me boo about my clothing choices. So, yeah. It does happen. And just so you know…this was way before this episode came out. I am 40…and I never dress like Roxy. I don't have the body for it! lol
Presenting a professional image is part of the ombudsman code of conduct, it is required for the job, and it doesn't matter if you are an officer or an enlisted spouse.
I totally disagree with most of the things that happen in this FRG story line. I think is this same episode Denise told Roxy that by stepping up as the FRG leader she would be helping Trevor's career. I am a marine spouse so we do not have an FRG or even something close to it any longer, so maybe I am way off base. But it seems to me that this FRG story line is playing on and encouraging all of the myths about FRG type groups and I don't think it shows them in a positive light in the least. First that they can help their husbands career by joining and then that Officer Wives must look the part more, and dress in a certain way. I feel like this story is based in the military of 1990 not 2012.
Lets justs say each FRG is different. Some if you tick off the commard's wife, your spouse will pay dearly. You do not cross the commander's wife, you suck up to them and do exactly what they tell you to do so your spouse will look good and not be punished. Thank goodness I NO longer have to deal with the ARMY FRG and the ones that are on a POWER trip. The rest of the FRGs are very good and do a wonderful job.
SJC, I am also a Marine spouse and the Marine Corps does have a family readiness program which is run by paid family readiness officers. The program encourages family participation and volunteer/readiness meetings are held frequently. With the past 2 units my husband has been with, the commanding officer's spouse is an active participant in this program. Also, the senior enlisted spouses often participate. If you look at the family readiness command team model, you will see that the spouses of the CO and SgtMaj are included. Their participation may not help their spouse's career, but having a positive impact on unit families puts the servicemember in a more positive light. Like my husband has always said," you don't want your name flying around the command for something bad. The only reason they should be talking about you is because you did something good." I also think it's important to present yourself appropriately when you represent your husband and let's face it, if you are the spouse of a CO or Sgt.Maj., the unit Marines and their spouses know who you are married to. Dresses and pearls aren't necessary, but clean, modest clothes without tears and holes will be just fine.
I too am a Marine spouse, and believe it or not there are dress codes and codes of conduct in my husbands unit for me as well. For any gathering that is held on base (Christmas Party, etc.) my husband asks that I dress nicely and not wear jeans or outfits that may not represent him to well. You are an extension of your husband wether you think so or not and his promotions, etc may reflect not only him but you as well.
Apparently I need to give in and start watching Army Wives. I've avoided it because I thought there's no way Hollywood could accurately portray a milspouse's life. There must be something to it though if it's inspired a dialog about how O-spouses should dress. I've got my own style which could hardly be called conservative (i.e. lots of vintage, Anthropologie cuteness and a tattoo courtesy of that tour in Hawaii) and I've never given much thought to how I'm perceived by other O-spouses. I would never think to tell another spouse how to dress and no one's ever been so rude as to "counsel" me to tone it down. We've been married for 20+ years and how I dress hasn't held my husband back, so why worry about it?
The first episode I watched was THE first episode…my husband was deployed and I felt like "finally, someone who I can relate to." Although some of the things on the show are petty..it's pretty accurate, right down to nailing "those women" you meet on EVERY base..lol..you know the ones…
Go right ahead and dress up so the spouses of the other E9s can sit and giggle at how important the wives of the junior officers think they are. Knock yourself out. LOL. (I'm only half joking here)
How is laughing at junior officers wives way of dressing at all OK, or any better than a group of officers wives (junior or otherwise) snickering or negatively judging enlisted wives on their appearance or dress? My soldier and I like to dress up, he is always in button downs and I am always dressed business casual, regardless if we are grocery shopping or going out for a date night. I do not judge others on how they dress, why is it OK for you to judge me?
good grief. It was a joke which I guess fell flat. The show was based on the perception is that the enlisted wives don't dress well and that the officers' wives do. The reality is that many of the older enlisted spouses have not only maturity on their side but also tend to have money on their side having possibly had a long term career of their own and a stable life where they aren't moving around, the kids might be older and not needing to be chased around, etc etc – so it makes that misconception a joke. And yes, equally as annoying as those who don't dress appropriately are the younger girls married to the very younger officers who over dress for every single occasion in wildly inappropriate attire. There ARE occasions when jeans are the uniform of the day. Like say..don't show up at community park clean up with your coach bag and heels. lol
Wow, I am not impreessed by your comment Michelle. You must be the ring leader of all of the gossip and drama. You feeding into this is inapropriate.
read my reply above. I've got FAR too much age and FAR too many years to actually care what people are wearing.
And actually, I'm a bit tired of spouse buzz bringing up Army Wives as if we should give one single care what happens on a silly TV show, and I'm a little tired of spouse buzz bringing up drama from other web sites. So, yeah, there's that too. So someone is feeding into the gossip and drama, it's not me.
Michelle —
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I don't watch these types of shows so can't comment on what they producers were trying to present. My husband and I have spent 20 years together during his service, as a Col's wife there are times I try to dress more stylishly, but most of the time I am still in my jeans and t-shirts. Though many times I have had people comment on how down to earth both my spouse and myself are. Perhaps we are who we are and the clothes don't really matter.
Frances, I think it goes with the age. After a certain point you learn that dressing for yourself is the only important thing.
I feel like this is an example of Army Wives trying to create unnecessary cattiness. I've watched the show for a while, and at times they have dealt with serious stuff in a real (though usually melodramatic) way. I think when they focus on real issues, it can provide a window, however skewed, into military life and a chance to discuss how they got it right or wrong. When they focus on petty things like dress codes and all of the bizarro scheming housewife drama it makes it seem like we all sit around calculating our next tea party (who will sit next to who???), which is just plain silly.
My question to the Army Wives producers isn’t so much about their ” dress code issue” but about their blatent stereotyping that only Officers wives are FRG leaders! I have been an Enlisted Army Wife for over 22 years and have been involved in the FRG from the very beginning and an FRG Leader in our last 3 units! ( Usually when there isn’t an Officer Wife or she just doesn’t want the job!)
Excellent point! In our current unit and our old one, enlisted spouses were the FRG leaders. In our old unit I was co-leader with an enlisted spouse. In our current unit, the FRG reps are traditionally enlisted spouses because they have been at the unit the longest and really know the ins and outs. The officers wives often take a backseat.
I've been an enlisted spouse for more than 15 years and like Darlene who posted above, I've been an FRG Leader off and on for most of that time.
It does matter how we portray ourselves in public. I'm not talking about pearls and a dress. You can look put together in a t-shirt or sweater and a pair of jeans. In my opinion, which means nothing really, I think that the way we dress also shows the value we place on ourselves and also the value we place on the position that we hold.
As far as Army Wives goes, I never take that show seriously. From the first season, I found it hilarious. I tend to view it as a comedy and use the stereotypes as an opportunity to look back at all of the ladies I've known over the years and think "OMG, Pamela is exactly like (insert name here)" It's a television show. All of the characters are based on a stereotype. I wasn't offended a couple of weeks ago when the Platoon Sergeant's wife was a big gruff German woman. My husband was a Platoon Sergeant at one time. I am neither big nor German……I can be gruff though so I guess they got it partially right :)
I do not believe Roxy style has anything to do with how enlisted vice officer wives dress. I was an enlisted wife and after my husband received his commission, I became an officer's wife. Military spouses, in my experience, are like a bowl of Jelly Belly's, there are all types of styles and flavors not matter what rank their spouse is. In this case, I completely agreed that as a leader, Roxy needed to look a little more professional. However, I think she may be a little too dressed up. Casual nice for an FRG meeting is fine. Maybe a little more dressy for a meeting with the bosses' spouses. As far as representing her husband's career (one area I rolled my eyes), that would really depend on how well the soldier is doing. If he/she is an outstanding military member, then the spouse should affect their career. A soldier's ability in the battlefield goes way beyond how their spouse dresses. I think Army Wives has blurred drastically into a soap opera rather than a representation of the Army spouse community.
Just a clarification: I meant that the spouse should "NOT" affect the military member's career.
I got a huge laugh out of this blot, especially since I bought my first cardigan two years ago when my hubby was in the CCC.
You must understand- I’m a *******. Educated, yes, but I lived in jeans and a t shirt. I made friends with a nice and sophosti
I got a huge laugh out of this blot, especially since I bought my first cardigan two years ago when my hubby was in the CCC.
You must understand- I’m a *******. Educated, yes, but I lived in jeans and a t shirt. I made friends with a nice and sophisticated General’s daughter who wore clothes I would never consider wearing. One several occasions, I was mistaken for an enlisted/NCO wife by exactly that- an enlisted or NCO wife. They always acted surprised when they found out I was a West Point alumn Captain’s wife. I was told that I dressed and acted “normal” and that I wasn’t snooty. That’s great and all, but talk about a stereotype. There are spectrums of wives within all ranks! Go make friends of all kinds, care about people, and wear what reflects positively on yourself. Cardigans get caught on doorknobs and drawer handles anyway.
I've been with my husband for almost a year and he's an officer in the Army. He met me when I was wearing a tank top (a low cut one) and jeans and that's what I continue to wear to this day. I guess I was more like Roxy because we met and got married within a couple months and I had no idea about anything related to the Army. I watch Army Wives and saw how the officer's wives dressed compared to the enlisted wives. I asked my hubby what I should be wearing and he said "whatever makes you happy baby". So, my advice is just wear what makes you happy and realize that Army Wives is a TV show and your life is yours, who cares what others think of you.
First of all, Army Wives is a FICTIONAL DRAMA set to the backdrop of characters in the Army. Secondly, I do know of FRG cattiness and have heard of a few wives being told to 'tone down' their attire. For the most part, I avoided our FRG like the plague. I'm not one to sit idly by while some other wife tries to walk around wearing the rank her husband earned, not her. A General's wife, or a Private's wife…they are exactly the same in my eyes. Unless she is also IN the military, she wears NO rank. NONE. And way too often, from Fort Riley to Fort Benning, I've come across officer wives who disgusted me. I don't think its a big deal to be asked to dress more conservatively for official FRG functions, but in everyday life, a wife has no responsibility to dress in her free time to suit anyone else. Now that my husband is out of the Army, honorably discharged last year after nearly 7 years, with over 3 of those years being deployed to Iraq, I can look back now on the silliness of many things pertaining to FRG. I am a more 'mature' wife, so it was truly hard to relate to the MANY very young wives who really knew nothing about being a military wife. There was so much pettiness and cattiness among most of those wives, aged 18-25, or thereabouts. I'm mid-thirties. No time for all that. All of that being said, I love the show Army Wives. And I really LOVE that it films right where I live! Charleston, South Carolina!:))
I find some of the comments funny. I see some of the younger wives with cute tight bodies coming out in public looking like they rolled out of bed. I guess if you have no sense of style you're going to look like trash. Fashion Faux Pas are a big no no!!!!! I've seen Officer wives who were in their mid 40's dressed like they were 21 leaving a strip club. Really?? If you can't embrace you're age, get botox or something. I am a big fashionista and I don't care if i'm an Officers wife or an enlisted wife, my appearance is important to me and i've passed that on to my husband. We both like to look good all the time. :)
I for one do not care how someone dresses as long as they do not dress trashy. I for one dress in what i feel like wearing it does not matter if its jeans and a t-shirt or a suit. The thing I do not like is when a spouse try’s to wear their husband/wife’s rank. I do not think a spouse should be treated different based on the rank of the military member, enlisted or officer. We’re all adults and high school is over. As for the show I don’t watch it…..I’m a real army wife and that’s what matters.
Some people may hate to hear it but, the honest truth is that we are all judged all of the time. I was raised on the entire "The First Impression is the Lasting Impression". Now, I don't know a darn thing about the Army… however, I am a military spouse. When I was dating my husband he liked seeing me in less than functionally appropriate clothing (Short skirts, halter tops — boobs popping out), granted we were teenagers. However, after he enlisted and I visited him for the first time after tech school he asked me to not wear certain types of clothing on base. At first I was offended yet obliged out of respect for my then fiance but, as I got older it made sense to me.
Not only do you portray yourself, but like it or not you represent your spouse as well. And when you're in a leadership position you represent the company you are working for (volunteer or not). If you're the leader of an FRG you should at least dress business casual. Show respect for those you represent. At home, I dress how I want. With two kids now and a constant need to clean it is typically sweats and a t-shirt. But, if I am going out, even just to the grocery store, I am dressed in slacks and a nice blouse or sweater.
We are working on that transition to "officer" now. And perhaps I am feeding the stereotypes here, but as far as dress goes, I am ready for it now. Yes, the majority of the officer wives I've known throughout the years have always dressed very conservatively and to be honest, it makes them appear more respectable.
As wives, we truly can help further our husbands careers by being a part of our military community. We can raise moral within the community and within our own households by being supportive and understanding. And, if you've read the stories, then you know how easy it is for a spouse to also severely hurt the career for our military man or woman. If we dress like trash, we're seen as trash. Military or not – that is just life. If you want an important job or career you will dress the part regardless of how you dress outside of the workplace. Why would it be any different in this case?
I grew up on Army bases my entire life and back for round 2 as a spouse. When the husband of a friend joined the Army recently, she was worried because she had been warned to "stay away from the officer's wives", etc. I explained to her that not only was that NOT the truth all the time, but that some of the drama comes from those "warnings" being given to people early in their careers/spouse's career so they are walking around kind of looking for the snottiness. As a enlisted spouse, she found herself making friends with lots of officer's spouses. Not knowing who they were, but simply clicking with them. Why? Because she was an older spouse (her husband joined in his 30s) and she carries herself more maturely. Some of that is connected to the way she dresses. She dresses like a mother of three who had a professional career of her own. On the other hand, some of the enlisted spouses (note that I said "SOME") dressed like a lot of us did at that age. Tight, low cut, showing off as much as possible, etc. I don't fault them for it, but it does impact how we are viewed sometimes. A lot of times, the officer's spouses do have to attend more "fancy" events, hold more leadership titles, etc. So my friend whose husband is a COL is expected to do more hosting and attending of events that require her to have different type of dresses. In the same thought, my friend whose husband is an E8, attends those same events and has the same wardrobe expectations.
No, it's not definitely a "spouses of officers have to dress this way" but as Kat said, we are judged by how we carry ourselves, fair or not.
Certain positions demand a certain type of "look". PE teachers have a tendency to wear outdoor attire, but the principal doesn't usually dress like that. Some people don't have a concept of different clothing for different situations, but we all probably should think about it. You wouldn't show up to a funeral in the same clothes you would go to the beach in (most of us anyway). smile
It's kind of like the issues spouses are having about what they post on FB. If all your posts are talking about how much you drink every weekend, then why get angry when someone assumes you spend a lot of time getting drunk? You may not intend that to be the message, but sometimes we have to consider how it's being interpreted by the other person.
enlisted spouses have to dress appropriately too. it may not be a work taboo but it is a social one on our base. you always wear "good" clothing if your out. heck my husband gets ridiculed if i don't have our 1mo old daughter dressed acceptably, and shes a baby. Yes i dye my hair outrageous colors, but luckily my husband doesn't catch any crap as long as there are no holes in my shirt and my tank top isn't too tight. When he makes rank i will no longer be able to attend functions in my "just cause i have to" clothes but actual dress clothing… And were just Air force, but as i understand it the protocol changes from base to base. My father is a Master Sgt now but the base they just transferred to has no dress code for her when there was one for her to adhere to here.
I've worn pearls (daily) and cardigans (several times a week) since long before I met my airforce fiancé. It’s a habit I picked up in law school. I will continue to dress the same way after we’re married. I don’t think that my doing so should define me as an enlisted or officers spouse nor as having a pleasant or stuck-up personality. Just because I reserve athletic clothing for athletic pursuits, doesn’t mean I’m overdressed … it simply means I’m a professional, adult, woman who chooses to carry herself as such.
I would HARDLY say that the only unfair stereotype presented is regarding rank. Also, the pettiness and cattiness is not limited to women under 25. The only thing that fits about that show is that there are in fact ARMY WIVES and that deployment is hard for BOTH spouses. unless you have been through it, you have no idea how difficult it can be. and it is always the hardest on the children. If there WERE more loyalty and genuine support and friendship between actual army wives these difficult situations could be made easier. there is not a huge support system on any military installation and I have met some people that have moved so much that they find it hard to start new friendships because they always seem to end in someone moving, despite the best of intentions to keep in touch.
I won’t watch that show at all. I don’t think it depicts military spouses accurately anyway. Of the 14 years of being an army spouse to an officer and being an FRG leader, dress code has never been brought up or been an issue. This is just another way to say officers and their wives are somehow of a different class than enlisted. I hate that stereotype with a passion. All the jobs in the military are important and everyone plays a vital role. There’s no need to cause more drama when deployments are bad enough.
OMG…this is way out of hand…I totally agree with the comment above that the Army Wives show is completely fictional…to be watched to get a laugh (if you have any knowledge of the Army at all).
I also agree with the comment that within the FRG there isn't any rank. I think that is what hurts the mission and function of a Unit FRG – we are all spouses of a Soldier. While most often the FRG Leader is an Officer's spouse (due to the fact that the FRG is the Commander's program and responsibility – so typically it is the Commander's spouse – but not always.) – if that person doesn't have the down to earth approach and puts themselves on a pedestal simply because they are an officer's spouse, then it will truly be hard to lead when most of the unit is made up of lower enlisted and NCO spouses. This also goes for the Senior NCO's spouse that may think they are better then everyone else due to the spouses rank.
As far as a dress code for a FRG Leader – it should be whatever you as an individual feels comfortable with and what is the norm within the FRG members. I was taken aback by the Army Wives portrayal of this with Roxy, but, again, it is a fictional show meant for a laugh (in my opinion). So, I didn't give it much weight. But, sometimes some of the stereotypes they portray on the show do irritate me just because those who don't know the "real" army may take them as being the truth and it could cast a negative shadow that we as Soldiers, FRG Leaders and Family Members are trying to eliminate.
What I did like was Roxy's approach with the FRG once she did take over. She went in setting her guidelines for how the FRG was going to run…I think a lot of FRG Leaders should start off this way – with the support of the Commander.
Anyway, just my thoughts.
Junior enlisted…..not lower enlisted please. Thank you :)
Officer or Enlisted whenever attending an official function you represent yourself and your spouse. I think it's smart to take into consideration how you are perceived or just what is appropriate in the situation. I particularly don't want to dress inappropriately in front of my husband's boss! It's just not a classy thing to do. By "classy" I don't mean wear pearls and cardigans, just a general word for being mature and appropriate in a given situation. If the situation were flipped at an official function I wouldn't want him wearing super holey and paint stained jeans with a chain in front of my commander at an official function. That might not be risque but I don't thing appropriate or inappropriate is limited to risque. Honestly, I think the women at their level may want to think about that because at their level it gets a bit political at times. Especially if I lived on post and ran into people I knew (like my husband's boss) occasionally. Certainly isn't a written rule, but I think there is some common sense in the idea of some of it.
Honestly I'm an Officer wife, it's not about the rank your husband is at all. I mean, would you want your husband coming to your job in sweatpants? Get the picture? An FRG meeting may not be a job but it's still your husband/family workplace. I do believe some woman under dress or dress unappropriately at times. Just have respect for your husbands work environment unless it's a casual setting.
EXACTLY! (stands up and claps) I have a professional career as well and I would want my husband to look decent at work functions-not in cargo shorts a tee shirt and flip flops.
I'm an officer's wife, and I still wear jeans/shorts/flip flops to the grocery (and wherever else that ISN'T a command (FRG) function or onboard the ship= those things are WORK things- so I feel like I should dress no less than what I have to wear for my own job (and I can't wear jeans and flip flops to work))
Now some are saying "on base"~ I don't go by that philosphy= the base in our case can be the beach/ the taco bell/ the store= and that is NOT a work function; that's life.
I think the show in general paints a very unreal picture of military life. First of all, the only people who have rank are the military members themselves–not the wives. Whether the wife of an enlisted or an officer, the spouse shouldn't have to be anything she isn't. Portraying that there is such a huge divide between an officer's wife and an enlisted's wife is offensive, and just plain old Hollywood. It just feeds into the "military porn", as I like to call it. All these reunion shows, youtube videos, pictures circulating on the web, etc that give only the tiniest little glimpses into what our lives are like–the civilian world thinks this is our lives on a normal basis. In most ways, we aren't that different. I feel that "military porn" gives the civilian world a false sense that they somehow understand us, and that they are now supportive and knowledgeable because they tune in to these social phenomenons. It's Hollywood, and it pays. But as we all know, Hollywood takes liberties wherever they please–what you see, isn't always what you really get.
I think we should all as spouses put ourselves in their shoes would you introduce them to your parents or boss with them wearing sandals hair all over the place an undershirt and some baggy pants?? More than likely we told them to try a button up shirt or a polo some slacks or jeans with NO HOLES and some closed toe shoes. I think that we all know the difference between dressing up fit the club and dressing up for a family dinner. Just as simple and remember to always have a welcoming attitude and a smile because in the end if you have an attitude or just decide well I am better or it just doesn’t matter whatever it may be that you are upset about the other women and men won’t take you seriously and won’t want to participate in anything. At the end of the Day WE ARE HERE TO HELP EACH OTHER AND HELP OUR TROOPS.
I have been involved in FRG's (in almost every position) for over 16 years as an enlisted spouse and in my experience, most often, it has been an enlisted spouse as a FRG leader even though the FRG (formerly FSG) is a command sponsored program. The Army does treat enlisted and officer spouses differently. There are unwritten expectations of an officer's spouse and senior enlisted spouse (hence programs like the Ft. Leavenworth Command Team Spouse Development Program, Coffees/senior socials, protocol, VIP status, Hail & Farewells, etc), but many of the old customs are rapidly changing with each new generation of family members. I have heard Officer's spouses being told by other spouses that they had to "dress up" when seen in public, even to the commissary (there is currently a dress code for all soldiers/family members for our commissary/PX and other post buildings), but not all Officer's Spouses buy into this mentality.
There are hard working wonderful volunteers and spouses of BOTH Officer and Enlisted Soldiers, but there is a class distinction, especially in benefits and customs in the Army between Officer and Enlisted spouses (housing, pay, privileges, welcome ceremonies, etc). There is no rank in the FRG, but there are expectations, judgements, and a disconnect sometimes between the two groups which is very real and in my view unfortunate.
I've been an officer's wife for a decade and I have never even GONE to an FRG meeting! I've NEVER had to entertain, been to a ball, needed a gown or experienced ANYthing like the officer's wives in the book or on the show. These stereo types are news to me. Fort Bragg is the first Army base we've ever even been assigned to. Maybe because my husband AGR and we typically are assigned to a town with no Army base I'm cluesless to it all. We are usually the only active duty Army family in town and when my husband is deployed I'm on my own. I'm an officer's wife but my personal experience as one is practically void. My husband might as well be a teacher or buisnessman for all it effects me. In fact I want nothing to do with it. Continued…
continued from above…
We've been at Fort Bragg for only one year and are already PCSing–to San Diego, which is completely unaffordable. There is a 43% cost of living increase between Fayetteville, NC and San Diego which the Army completely ignores. So we're expected to move and act as though my husband got a 43% reduction in pay and try to live on it. We've decided that the kids and I will move back to our hometown near family at wait it out. I think the Army loathes families and couldn't care less about wives and children. They don't care if families are together or if kids are eating or going to bed hungary. As far as I'm concerned the Army can shove it. The ONLY good thing is that I can make skid marks out of this sh#thole of a town.
It is the company/battery commanders program. Those commanders are Captains, NOT lieutenants. If they have a spouse and she wants to be an FRG Advisor she is usually allowed to do so because her husband isn't going to say no. In a perfect situation there should be an officer spouse (CPT or LT) AND an enlisted spouse (SG or 1st SG) who co-advise as a team so both sides of the spectrum are fully represented. It's a team effort. Just as in soldier life…. a CPT is always teamed or partnered with a 1st Sgt. The reality is the enlisted side will always have more time in service and more experience than their officer counterparts so the smart officers listen and learn from their well seasoned enlisted counterparts! Remember when Trevor's platoon SG put him in check and basically told him to get out of the way and stay in his own lane. Well that was about the only thing on this show that would actually really happen in real life ;)
It is in the FRG handbook. Not what to specifically wear but does say that you need to dress appropriately.