Military widows are working hard enough to get their lives back on track without suffering reality TV producers chasing them down. This week the spouse blog community is in an uproar about the reality TV show that is stalking military widows in order to find one that will agree to a show about finding new love. According to blogger Jaci Greggs (meandmysoldierman.com) this is not going over well at all:
The overwhelming response from the milspouse blogging community has not been favorable, to put it mildly. We’re at once a diverse group and a uniform one…. And fiercely protective of our own. And when one of our spouses becomes a Gold Star spouse, we all hurt. And when we feel like they’re being exploited or harassed, we circle the wagons.
One way the wagons are being circled is through a twitter campaign #istandwithmilwidows which was started to raise awareness that the military community does not approve of the harassment of military widows in any form.
Another campaign is being directed against the Magical Elves casting company. Erika, a National Guard spouse writing as Chambanachik, was contacted to appear on the show even though she is not, in fact, a widow. Erika states, “Don’t mess with these girls- my girls.” She proposes an email to be sent to the casting company at datingshowcasting3@gmail.com or cesarzjster@gmail.com. Her proposed letter reads:
Hi Karla, I belong to a huge group of military spouse bloggers, some of whom are widows. (I assume you’re targeting military widows from the amount of emails that have been going around.) I understand that you have a job to do, but I ask that you stop sending all the emails. You obviously don’t have the sympathy and tact to understand that something as outrageous as a widow’s dating show is highly offensive on so many levels. I cannot imagine one of my widow friends having to deal with one of these emails, and I’m being told they have been sent more than one. We’re a tight-knit group of bloggers, and when one of us hurts, we all hurt. Please look for stories elsewhere if it’s truly a show that needs to be done (I think not), but stop this outrageous harassment of military widows in particular, or I will be forced to bring this to the attention of the media.
This issue has my attention. Military widows — as well as wounded warrior wives and couples experiencing marital difficulties due to the effects of war — are not entertainment. This is real life that requires the attention of real people. Television needs to step away and reflect on why so many of you are so interested in what so many of us do every day.
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
This just further proves that these people(television) have ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME!!!!!!! These ladies and thier families have suffered the ultimate loss, and as was stated before, "this is not entertainment." Shame on these people who think up this garbage.
I'm not a military widow, but I am a veteran. After reading the article, the production company no compassion for what these ladies go through on a daily basis. They only want to make more cash to come up with another hair-brained idea for a show.
Why don't they look into something serious, like how hard it is for us veterans to assimilate back into civilian life and get a job/career, and get on with our lives. This will let hte world see how we are treated.
How low can these guys get as to put their noses into someone's relationship?
Instead of swamping widows with emails this should be an advertising campaign. If there is a widow out there that wants to do this then they can contact the casting company vice the casting company contacting hundreds of spouses and widows who have no desire to participate in this ridiculous show.
Whats even worse are attorneys who troll for spouses of military members to represent in a divorce to plunder veterans benefits (i.e. Military Retainer Pay, Disability Compensation). These attorneys make an easy payday off the backs of veterans via the former spouse. Get rid of the anti family, monetary incentive USFSPA USC 1408. The US Govt shells out over $1 Billion a year of taxpayer $$$ to US and Non-US ex spouses and their attorneys.
I agree with your position, I however believe that a strongly worded letter form an attorney whom is more concerned with the wellbeing of the Military Widows than his or her bottom line is the best. we need to set limits with vultures.
One of the worst laws ever passed (or rather sneaked in) – USFSPA. My wonderful husband passed away this spring having never received one full check of his retired pay. Half of ever check went to his ex-wife, who not only cheated on him throughout his military career, but has remarried four times since their divorce. He worked so hard to serve his country and was treated so badly. It makes me very sad.
Please don't "go to the media" to expose the harrassment of our military widows. I understand the reasoning behind this measure, and I agree that network television's tactics in trying to contact military widows is unacceptable. But by bringing light to the subject of this harrassment, you are doing exactly what the networks wanted in the first place. This is an incredibly sensitive subject and we need to tread carefully and we must, above all, take care of each other and the ones who have lost and sacrificed all. We must avoid further embarrassing ourselves by thrusting our widows into the limelight. Yes, e-mail the networks, let them know what they are doing is wrong, boycott their product…these tactics can accomplish the same mission without gaining unwanted media exposure. Let's do what we are asking network television to do: have some tact.
I think that anything published should be as positive as possible. I really liked the show where the fitness trainer helped the women excerise and lose weight by the time their spouses returned from deployment. It was a good morale booster for those who were sitting around eating and worrying about their mate. It greatly imporved their health. They should start a show again like that. Not a reality show. Too much drama.
I also wonder how many of these women were simply dependoauruses.
I wouldn’t go as far as reporting it to the media, but to the base/post commander in a formal letter. Or someone who has a higher authority amongst the military spouse community. It’s outrageous to think a widow or spouse to a wounded service member would actually want to be exploited through a reality show. My heart goes out to these women, and I really hope the harassment stops!!
Look how low we have sunk? Taking advantage of our war widows is beneath contempt. I'm so sorry you have to go throurh this while grieving for your husbands. Love to you all from a friend in Philly!
It is disrespectful the way they're doing this. Tact is something they don't seem to understand.
However, as a consumer and TV viewer I CAN see this as as show. I'm a sap for the emotional turmoil and facing life's obstacles. It's real, and makes me count my blessings even more knowing that while my husband is in danger he is not one that has given they ultimate sacrifice. It does bring up real issues widows do face. Dating someone after the death of their loved one is one of those issues.
It brings me to tears, and I feel such sympathy for spouses of Gold star husbands and wives just reading stories about it. It is a national and personal tragedy to lose someone in the military. I cry every time I read an article, or blog about it. Every week our news station shows photos of fallen soldiers, and it always makes me wonder if there is a wife, husband and children on the other side grieving. :(
So, on that side I can see why the media want to chum up with widows. It's, while distasteful to some, a great way to show that love is possible after loss.
On the side of spouses some do get negative backlash if after years of their spouse gone they start dating again. There is some stigma there for those that do want to move on. That in itself is really sad. It does not diminish the love you had with your lost love, it just shows you're ready to move on and live life.
The producers sending e-mails to widows is disrespectful. If a widow wants to move on they should do it on their own time. They need to process everything, and grieve in their own way. You can't gauge when someone will be ready to date again if at all. So, that's one thing that really rubs me the wrong way about this.
And before anyone says "Can you do it?", I'm not sure. My husband and I have talked about if either of us died and moving on. We're BOTH 'ok' with the idea. We're human, and have needs. We need to feel loved, need to feel wanted, need to feel that connection we lost. If going about it in a reality show is the way some want to do it that really is their choice. I just don't agree with the way they(producers) are going about it.
Has American television really stooped this low? This is sad thing. I am so thankful my husband returned to me after three Iraq deployments. I simply cannot imagine what kind of hardness of heart one must have to engage in this kind of invasion of our Gold Star family's lives. This must not be allowed to continue. I am sharing this story on my Facebook page. We all should. Get the word out. This is WRONG!
Brings to mind a somewhat old song: Dirty Laundry by Don Henley. Sensationalism makes money for the medea; another business that profits from, among other negative things, human misery.
I joined the military in 68 and retired in 91. When it comes to the lose of one it hurts and hurts bad. When a politician, reporters or TV get involved it is only to line there pockets, rub salts into nasty wound and when they are done (expecailly widows) toss them to the curb and forget about them. You can check this out easily by ask one of them if they know how one is doing after the promised to help them. Unless they are personnally conected if they answer you they will let you know later. 99 percent chance they won't. TRY IT you
WHY ARE WE SO AMAZED THAT THE TELEVISION PARASITES WOULD STOOP THIS LOW?? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOOK AT THE PRESENT TELEVISION OFFERINGS. VERY FEW RISE ABOVE THE GARBAGE LEVEL.
You are so right Jim. I am not a military widow or a veteran, but no one is gonna' mess with our girls who serve as much as their husbands. These are amazing and brave women….and they need our support!
Dori
Those years ago, a widow working on her master's degree on the subject wrote: "it is as if to be sitting on a curb, both legs gone, blood flowing into the street, and passerbys will briefly stop to ask: "how are you doing?" Another, "oh, you will re-marry soon!" Even better, "why have you not re-married?"
We have gone so far into our neighbors homes with reality TV is it no wonder these producers looking for the next best thing to top last season. I have two requests, protect our widow.ers, and stop watching reality TV.
Joan
Army Vet