If I were First Lady, I would be married to the wrong guy. I like the guy I have, thanks. But if I were First Lady, I would help military families so much differently than Michelle Obama does now. (Which is probably why Barack Obama never asked me out.)
What would you do if you were the First Lady and genuinely meant to help military families? Last month this was the question that set my military writers group off. Kristen Henderson and Holly Scherer and Kathie Hightower and Terri Barnes were all pro-White House. They were all about change being incremental. Those ladies are so nice.
Not me. I want quick change. I want now change. I want change that the First Lady is best suited to do. One of the things we hear at SpouseBuzz from military professionals is how no one knows they exist to help spouses get jobs. We also hear that it is problematic to get programming for spouses approved by groups comprised mostly of men.
Easy fix for me, the First Lady. I would start by making every spouse employment program have the same name on every base in every service around the world. I would call it “Spouse Employment Office.” And I would use my First Lady influence to make sure it popped up #1 on Google every time.
How? I would be the First Lady. So I would throw a dinner party. I would gather all the Joint Chiefs around my table with their spouses and I would pin them down with my fabulousness like butterflies on a board. I would ask them to do me that little name change favor.
“I like the way you call the commissary ‘the commissary’ no matter where you live,” I would say. “I love how the exchange is ‘the exchange’ whether it is the PX, the BX, the NEX or the MCEX. I so admire that practicality. So why not call the place there are services for spouse employment ‘Spouse Employment Office?’ It’s so you!”
When the Chairman and all the Joint Chiefs start harrumphing about how their service is different and how this wouldn’t ever work and it would cost too much and blah blah blah, the First Lady could give them the evil eye and wither them in their chairs.
No, no, no. The First Lady should give a prearranged eyebrow signal to their wives. Mrs Dempsey seems to me the kind of military spouse who would say, “Martin, honey, don’t be a jerk.”
Granted, all the programs would not offer all the same services. They would differ a bit by service because what is required in each community is different (See the great job the state of Florida is doing with MilSpouse employment here.)
Then I would have somebody cool draw up a logo as recognizable as Facebook. I would have it painted on all those signs on every base that still point you to the Officer’s Club even though hardly anyone ever goes there. I would teach the gate guards to explain where the office was and I would get some of those cardboard cutouts of myself from the airport and set the up in front of the office.
Then I would do the First Lady thing and step back. I would delight in all those local professional folks doing their job to make the connections military spouses need to get jobs. Then I would turn my hand at the next cool thing only a First Lady can do.
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
Jacey, I'm sorry, but I find this post in bad form. You may not have meant it in a political way, but that's the way it reads. I also find it insulting to Mrs. Obama and Mrs. Dempsey. I feel that SpouseBuzz should represent us all–across all political lines–and this post is representing me in a way I don't like. I apologize for bringing dissent to the comments, but I am bringing my concerns with love and respect. The First Lady and Mrs. Dempsey are tireless supporters of our military families and deserve respect, if not gratitude.
Megan, I don't know if it is possible to represent the feelings of all military spouses when it comes to Joining Forces. As I mentioned in my post, a lot of military spouses like my writer friends feel like we should be grateful for any attention from the White House. At least Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden are doing SOMETHING. On the other hand, I think it is our responsibility to look critically at the programs aimed at military families. Are these things actually helping? What else could help?
As for me, I greatly respect Deanie Dempsey. The lady rocks. During ten years of war there has always been a Dempsey (her husband or three children) deployed. I also respect Mrs. Obama enough to think that she genuinely means to do well by military families and thinks about how she could be doing better all the time.
I would like to add that I do not think the First Lady, her husband, or the Joining Forces program are above criticism. I do believe that we have to use our criticism constructively if we expect to have our voices heard. A better way to get feedback on this program is to be informative regarding Joining Forces–its purpose, its methods, its intended beneficiaries. Then ask the readership whether they have benefited from the program or any feedback on whether it is working as intended. I still believe this post is insulting to the First Lady, although I believe your intent was good. (Kind of like Joining Forces–it is full of good intent but might just miss the mark.)
I did not find this overly-political at all. I did not even find this to poorly represent the current First Lady or anyone in the cabinet. I saw this as a little satirical, and a little funny, but mostly a constructive criticism which suggests ways to improve the current programs for military spouses. I think this was a respectful and couched in appropriate candor.
You did, however, spell the President's name wrong. :)
I am a sucky speller. Just another reason why the President can resist me.
Getting the services to call ANYTHING by the same name, is a great pipedream. Let's see : FRG/FRO/Key Volunteer/Ombudsman. ACS/Fleet Center…. Anyone who thinks that the Army is going to call ANYTHING by the same name as the Navy, Marine Corps or AirForce – is kidding themselves.
Wow, someone has a self-important view of herself, doesn't she. It is clear to me from your writing that you have never had to lead a diverse group of people who have different interests. I have; let me tell you, it's a harder job than it looks. It requires more than just a dinner party. To get one incremental but exceptionally important change in the organization with which I work, I had to get only 3 sets of leadership at the table to agree on the change, who would be responsible for different pieces of the program, and who would pay for it. It has taken me the better part of a year to accomplish this and get everyone on board to implement this.
I always find that those who are most critical are those who know the least about what it takes to wrangle our political leadership. If it were as easy as 1 dinner party, it would've been done a long time ago. How naive.
Anyway, thanks for being so appreciative of the hard work many people, not just the First Lady', have done to try to make military spouses lives better. It's good to know that those military spouses with the microphone are constructively buzzing away rather than actually doing anything to make their lives and community better thought of in the world.
My take away from this article is 'let's start with the simple step by pointing everyone to the same place, meaning have a common name.' I must have read a different article because I see no political agenda. I see a spouse making suggestions for spouse services.
Jacey, I think your idea to make the Spouse Employment Office easily identifiable in all service branches is excellent. If the military is already spending money to make these services available to spouses, then it is in all our best interests, as tax payers and as military spouses, for those services to be as readily available and as effective as possible.
I think your way of presenting this idea is excellent. Strong, independent women like Mrs. Obama and Mrs. Dempsey surely understand that strong, independent military spouses can express their own ideas in a variety of ways without disrespect to one another. Your column is always on message, thoughtful and entertaining at the same time.
This is just my own opinion but I don't read this blog looking for political opinions. There is enough of that going on all around us and for the first time since reading this blog I felt a little annoyed. We are all spouses in this together and I really would rather politics stayed out of it. I applaud Mrs. Obama's effort on our behalf. Is it perfect? Maybe not. Do I appreciate it? Why, yes I do. Please stick to Spouse Issues. You could write every day of the year and never run out of issues and still stay away from political discussions.
First of all, as a follower of Jacey’s columns I agree with Mel, I saw this as satirical, and funny, but mostly a constructive criticism which suggests ways to improve the current programs for military spouses. Jacey has a way of calling it like she sees it, and I truly admire that in her as a person and as a writer.
Hearing that changes are pipedreams or naïve are like fingernails to a chalkboard to me. Mark’s comments (above) are a testament that changes can happen. Yes, it may take more than a dinner party to accomplish, but changes can happen. But first, someone has to speak up and say there needs to be a change and offer ideas.
Jacey has done this in a way that makes people sit up and take notice.
I think if any First Lady (and President) gets the use of humor and satire to make a point, it's the Obamas. Just read the President's jokes and comments for the White House Correspondents Dinner last month.
Jacey simply used humor to make an important point. With the plethora of blogs out there, humor is more likely to draw readers — and discussion — than dry journalism.
And she makes an important point here. It's hard for new military spouses especially but more seasoned spouses as well to know about all the resources that are available. As my coauthor Holly and I have traveled the world doing workshops for military spouses of all services, we hear that all the time. We talk about resources and so many come up to say, "I never knew that existed." Anything we can do to make helpful resources more quickly visible makes sense. We have the precedent of "the commissary" and "the exchange," why not one name and visible logo for the Spouse Employment Center, and while we are at it, one name (Family Center maybe?) and logo for the Family Services Center/ACS/Marine Corps Family Team Building Office/Fleet and Family Support Programs.
Yes, it always takes a lot to get the different services to change something that has always been service-specific in title, but if it helps families (and it would!) why not? Over 30+ years as a military spouse I can tell you we've seen many changes that started out as "the services would never do that." It starts with the conversation.
As a 30+ year milspouse, Kathie, I'd love to see them change the terminology. But really, truly and sincerely, I have watched the Cluster**** they have made of combining the medical services, I have heard an Army board tell a caregiver of a wounded soldier that they can't accept the Air Force form for a disability rating; I've heard "its tradition" when I ask about the various names (ACS/Fleet etc) even at MOAA Spouse Council meetings – and after a while you wonder why!
As a prior-enlisted, working class background girl who never wears a trace of makeup, rarely wears a skirt, and wouldn't know what to do with a flower arrangement or salad fork if my life depended on it, I wouldn't last a day as a proper First Lady. My fundraisers would likely mostly fail. :) I'm not sure how much power or influence comes with that station anyway.
I have been reading SB for quite some time but lately i'm really sick of the political undertones that are getting thrown in. Quite honestly this is the first time in years any first lady has talked this much about military families. How much change do you think she can do? And I honestly think this is a poor effort to just moan and whine about the first lady. I am not sure who is running SpouseBuzz but lately it's getting pretty obvious what the motives are here. As someone said there are a million topics in the milspouse world you can talk about without going here when really this article has no helpful point to it.
Its really simple to answer that question.If I were first lady .i would begin by starting everyday with a prayer The President and I saying thank you GOD for allowing me to take care of your country.Plain and simple.You start your day that way and watch everthing fall into place.Now it wont be perfect but it will be just. It really is that simple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow! Some people have no sense of humor. I'm on board with Karen Santiano Francis, I also am a 30+ year milspouse. I started out in the armed forces myself and when we decided to have kids, one of us had to get out. Yeah, I know that's not true, but we felt one of use should be able to put the kids first and not the military. The military was not what I thought it would be and back then it was even worse for a woman I think. At least for me I decided I wanted to be with my kids more so I was the one to become a civilian. Wow, did I have some culture shock! I went from a soldier to a third class citizen overnight. I went from being a responsible self reliant adult to a DEPENDENT. The very word has made me shudder all these years. I find the terminology alone a form of slavery. Marry a soldier and the military says the soldier is responsible for the actions of their spouse. Marry a soldier and the military says when you sign the marriage license you sign away your freedom of speech and become the property of the service member. Marry a service member and you hear insensitive things like "can't you control your wife" or "if the Army wanted you to have a family they would have issued you one." That's just a couple of the things I've heard over the years. Children, Military Spouse, they come first and you are last and they make sure you know it. Michelle Obama may have been more vocal about the military spouse but I think it's because like many first ladies she's following the way the wind is blowing, politically.
As for me, after all these years of keeping my mouth shut about how the military has treated me as a spouse so as not to effect my husbands carrier, if I were the first lady and had any influence at all, to make the hide bound military brass listen to me, I'd have them spell out the rights of the military spouse. Or actually I think I'd have a civilian agency spell it out to them. There is no way after serving in the military myself and managing to raise two son into decent men who also served their country, and not let all the separations and military mumbo jumbo destroy my marriage, that I'd let the military say I am not entitled to my Civil rights as a citizen of our country. A person married to a service member has so much to deal with that I think that's the least that their entitled to. Well, that's my pet peeve. That and they way some people think the rank of the service member should be conveyed to the civilian spouse.
Dear Jacey,
Hallelujah, I am right there with you. We need change NOW!!! I too would change the office to “Spouse Employment Office.” I have been working with my local congressman in TX since 2008 to initiate some mil spouse employment and benefits bills in Congress to assist in this endeavor…four years now with very little progress.
Mil spouses can't find jobs which is a huge loss of personal income but also the benefits that go with a "real" job like our own retirement, vacation pay etc…. Although the First Lady and Dr. Biden are making an effort, there is sooo much work to be done. Many of the jobs that are being provided are at low wages, 8-15/hour….hourly wages, no benefits, no vacation pay…. contract jobs basically. Mil spouses are more educated than the general public and we are not looking for low paying positions and are deserving of more. I don't see a lot of effort in helping us to engage in a" career type" of position or implementing tax deductions and programs to increase our employment opportunities.
First off I am a guy. But if I was a lady, in fact the first lady I would find a Milt spouse and one who was capable of doing the job and let them do it. Our current first lady works for two seperate businesses and works as the Whitehouse Rep for her Husband. She can't possibly do much more and do it well. She gains very little by helping with this program and someone more invested would be more appropriate for the job. The job of the first lady should be to be the first lady. She was not Elected. She has her own employment, she is not invested in the military lifestyle. In summary, what the hell is she doing in the program anyway?