They’re beautiful, sassy, professional women. They wear the latest fashions and rub elbows with celebrities. They seem to have it all, except for one little thing that they share in common. These women are “relationship experts” who can’t seem to practice the advice they so quirkily preach to their clients. This is the premise of the new Bravo reality television show, Miss Advised.
They might be Miss Advised about military life, too. In July 2 episode, “What’s Your Type,” aired. Within the first 10 minutes of the show, Los Angeles dating columnist, Julia Allison, refers to a past relationship with Jack McCain (that would be the same Jack McCain whose father ran for President not so long ago). For those who don’t know, Jack McCain is a helicopter pilot in the military.
While the story line focused more on tabloids and rumors surrounding the relationship than actual military life, what caught my attention was when Julia mentioned the difficult decision she faced when determining whether to pursue a life with a military man or not.
During the episode, she said, “I ultimately had to make a really tough decision. I looked at the life I would have as a military wife and I didn’t think that I could fulfill my dreams and also have him fulfill his.”
… and Julia’s dreams were unquestionably ambitious. She has written for Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, been a guest commentator on MSNBC, Headline News, Fox News, CNN and MTC, and served as a columnist for amNewYork; and now she has added reality TV show star to the repertoire.
So I wondered … could Julia have continued to thrive in such a well-established career if she had stayed with McCain? Though we will never know how her situation may have turned out, what about the thousands of other career-minded women who are married to service members? Can we follow our dreams, or should we admit defeat? Can we have both if we truly desire it?
As the owner of a business built on the notion that we all have natural gifts and skills to offer the world, I would like to believe we can.
Army wife Stacy Swearengen is a Certified Career, Education and Adult Learning Coach http://www.portablecareerplanning.com who specializes in helping military spouses and girlfriends develop portable careers by first identifying their passion.
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It's all about what trade-offs you are willing to make.
I'd say yes, but there are things I have had to postpone because I cannot do everything.
I also think it is difficult because the first advice I got from a COW and from a Chaplain was that I needed to give up my career and be a "good" military spouse. So there are very legitimate reasons why people believe these things about military spouses.
I've made a career out of avoiding people who have provided and continue to provide such atrocious advice. I found civilian mentors and as much as possible, I try to approach my career from a civilian perspective. It's been a good strategy for me.
I have had to put off doing some things. I do make sacrifices, and I have had to give up control of some things, but I don't regret these choices. The truth is that if he were not in the military, we would have to make some of these choices any way.
I always find these so funny. What about the service members? Do they not see that THEY, too, are sacrificing? They miss out on so many things, they risk life and limb in service to our country. Hell, they might have only joined the military as a last ditch effort to take care of their family (because of the economy ;/).
When my husband told me he wanted to join the Army (his dream) I was worried about what may happen to MY successful photography business. I knew I’d lose clients due to moving, and the whole stress of having to redo business cards, my website, advertising etc… But then I thought, what I have as a job IS very versatile. I can move around, can meet new people, and new places. My husband has sacrificed for me during the start-up of my business, and now I have to do the same. This is true for ME; I cannot say the same for other spouses.
If you have a dream aim for it, and if you don’t reach it at least you tried. Sometimes our ‘dream job’ is not always going to be something we want to do. You need to find out something you like, and do well. You also have to be practical. You, as a spouse, can easily leave your job. Your service member cannot. So, if you want to be a Marine Biologist living off the coast of Australia you need to think about if that’s right for you, and your family.
But, above everything else you need to make the best of YOUR situation. This life is tough; it is stressful and can be a bit of a butthead at times. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice a lot, but 20,30, or even 50 years down the line you will look back and say it WAS worth it. Our lives are fluid like the sea; sometimes you just have to go with it to see where you end up.
Well said Starla Rose–thank you!!
God no she couldnt of come on. They would of been living completely seperate lives and eventually it would of taken its toll.
I think that a lot has to do with the dynamic within your marriage as well. Both sides need to be willing to roll with the punches when it comes to military life, so maybe its more about realizing that its not for you prior to saying 'I do' than to get married and become resentful of the life. My husband had been active duty for eight years prior to us meeting, I knew what I was getting into, and decided that he was worth the career glitches I might face. I think we can all reach our career goals, it might just take a little bit of creativity every now and again to get there.