9 Myths About Reservist Life

Think you understand Reserve life? Here are 9 myths. http://wp.me/p1d7d0-4So

Before I met and married my husband, a USMC reservist currently with 10 years in the service, I had no real understanding about the difference between Reserve and Active Duty military members.  In fact, I had no comprehension at all. It felt like I spent the first year I dated my husband simply trying to learn the lingo that is Military Acronym Speak, let alone having to have him explain every nuance of Reserve life.

I’ve since gotten the hang of things — and blog about them here. But I know there are plenty of people out there who don’t understand how life in the Reserves differs from life in the Active Duty. I’m going to share with you what I think are the nine most common myths about being a Reserve family.

Myth 1: Because we are a “military family,” we have access to Tricare health benefits.

Truth: Sort of. Yes we can get Tricare, but only if my husband is activated for more than 30 days. Outside of his deployments, that kind of activation has only happened once since I’ve known him. He was activated for 31 days and sent to Australia to train. Other than those rare occasions, we are only able to use TRICARE if we pay extra for it, which is usually more expensive than simply buying our own insurance or paying for benefits through one of our civilian jobs.

Myth 2: We get military allotments like uniform allowance, Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH).

Truth: Nope. The only time we qualified for BAH was when my husband deployed.  And we do not get uniform allowances, though my husband is required to keep his uniform tailored and up to date just like his active duty counter parts. This means that uniform expenses and the likes are out of pocket for us. But we can claim it on our taxes, along with his travel expenses associated with drill weekends and many other things.

Myth 3: Because we’re Reserve and have a “normal” civilian life, we don’t really miss the fun parts of active duty life.

Truth: I have never gotten to see my husband get pinned after a promotion. If I even know about the event ahead of time or am invited to it, I live too far away from where it is held to easily attend. I will always be sad that I miss out on these types of special events in his career. Yes, I have civilian job related events to be proud of him for, but I’m pretty sure there is nothing quite like the pride of watching your spouse get pinned … but I will never get to know for sure.

Myth 4: When my husband goes to drill we get extra benefits.

Truth: This might be the most common myth that I have to dispel for both my civilian and Active Duty friends. Benefits only change when my husband gets activated/deployed.  That means regardless of whether he is at drill or serving his two weeks a year, our benefits never change.

Myth 5: We have access to all the same help in times of need as our Active Duty friends.

Truth:  Although we can use Military OneSource, most non-profits and other such organizations that are in place to help the military are actually only for Active Duty families. The idea behind that restriction is that Reserve families have civilian jobs to fall back on.

But it means that when my husband misses work for his military service, but the military doesn’t pay us right away, neither the civilian world nor Military OneSource offers us aid to help get us over that financial hump, both perhaps assuming that the other will step-up. It also means that in times of emergency both groups often take the same attitude.

This also includes financial scholarships for schooling and just about anything else you can think of. Most groups are for Active Duty families only, though they don’t often advertise this fact.

Myth 6: Because we’re Reserve, my husband never misses important family events like birthdays and anniversaries.

Truth: My husband nearly always misses important events like my birthday.  We didn’t get to spend a real anniversary together until our third year of marriage and he misses nearly all major family events.  He has met most of my family only once, at our wedding. Reserve or not, the military simply doesn’t care what weekend they have drill, or other military related service, nor do they care if they deploy your spouse five months into your marriage. We’re in the same boat on this one: my husband misses nearly all the same major life events as Active Duty servicemembers do.

Myth 7: Reservists never (or rarely) deploy

Truth: This myth is starting to die on its own, but has been held onto by much of the civilian world. My family, for example, was not only shocked to find out that I was dating a Reservist who is a veteran of the Iraq war, but I thought their jaws were going to hit their knees when I told them he was going to deploy again.

Myth 8: Reservists aren’t as proud of military service as Active Duty folks. If they were, they’d have joined the Active Duty force.

Truth: This might be the most hurtful of all the myths about Reservists and their families. The truth is that everyone chooses what is right for them. My husband serves his country proudly, and I am equally as proud of his service as any Active Duty spouse is of their servicemember’s. I would have no problem with him deciding to go active duty, but l leave that up to him, since he’s the servicemember. His choice to go Reserve has nothing to do with a lack of pride in his military service or record.

Myth 9: Reserve families have it easier than Active Duty families because they split time between the civilian and military worlds.

Truth: I honestly don’t think one has it any easier than the other. Each side has a unique set of challenges that they face. Some of those challenges overlap and some are specific to being Reserve or Active Duty. I don’t PCS, and having never PCSed, but being a person who does not take moving well, I can only imagine it’s exciting but very difficult emotionally.

On the flip side, when my husband deployed, I was miles away from the nearest base and hours away from the nearest spouse from my husband’s unit. It means that we reserve spouses often feel alone during deployment because it’s unlikely we are near a base or other families to help us cope. There is always going to be something I can look at and say, “I don’t know how I would cope with that.”But the same goes for everyone in life, regardless of whether you are a civilian, Reservist or Active Duty family.

Are you are Reservist? What other myths would you add to this list? Active Duty? What about the above surprised you? Share below.


“Seriously” is a freelance writer, blogger, military spouse and all around pain in the butt. She has a snarky sense of humor which comes in handy when dealing with the rare form of arthritis she was recently diagnosed with and the general way she mucks up life by being stupid and lacking common sense. Feel free to laugh at her — she’s usually laughing at herself anyway. Find her blog here, or find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest

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74 Comments on "9 Myths About Reservist Life"

  1. Kudo's to you for your honest view of reservist life. I previously did not have a lot of info on reservists, but they are obviously a very important member of our armed services. As an active duty spouse, I don't know what I would do without the security and comforts of my Tricare availability, spouses next door to complain with, support on base, etc; I wish those were more available to you!

    • Michael McNellis | August 19, 2012 at 4:50 pm |

      After serving 3 years active duty Marine Corps, 7 years Army National Guard, and 12 years Air Force Reserve – I've learned that once you get 100 miles or further away from military bases that most Americans are clueless about any thing that has to do with military life. The 1st time I came back from Iraq (when it really rock & rolled) It seemed to me that most Americans did'nt know their was a real WAR going on. They just turned the channel. Michael McNellis MSgt. retired…

  2. some of your comments are justified and some are not when your husband took the oath he knew he could be deployed the next day and not be relieved for up to 4 years and during that time you are the spouse of an active duty soldier with all the benefits available. as for weekends every month you are allowed to go to the nearest base with a copy of his orders for that weekend and you are also entitled to all benefits available toactive duty families. there are drawbacks as you may not be close to a base when the weekend aproaches but if you can you can leave a day early and when the orders take effect you have the whole weekend to shop and partake of the base facilities which you will find out they are not ant cheaper then your local walmart more like macys and jc pennys and radio shack

    • Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 8:05 pm |

      Actually she would be the wife of an active duty MARINE. Tom as someone who has been both active duty and reserve in whatever branch… you should know this distinction is important.

  3. I am a reserve spouse (and veteran), i can attest to the fact that as a reserve dependent I have access to exchange, commissary, and MWR. I have never been denied access to a base, even when just wanting to "look around" (except of course those bases that have restricted areas).

    As for IRR, I was placed on IRR when I got out of the Navy, and I was not issued a government ID card. Without that ID, not bennies..

    • According to Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individual_Ready_Res… you and any dependants should have ID cards while on IRR.
      "These benefits include: Entitlement to a Military ID Card, ID Cards for their dependents, PX/BX (Exchange) benefits, Commissary benefits, and MWR"

      This is assuming you are in CONUS. If you are in Hawaii or Alaska, you might want to check on it.

  4. Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 6:38 pm |

    One thing I'd like to note is the lack of administrative support for paperwork that reserve units have. Their paperwork is handled differently, so when they are activated (or attached to another unit for deployment) our paperwork gets lost in the shuffle. No one knows where it's supposed to go or how it is handled. It's really frustrating. There's also very little support for spouses during activations because we are are not central to any one location. In addition, when they are deployed they get trashed by their active duty partners. It's really disheartening for him to be the butt of the joke and being called a "weekend warrior" when he has more combat experience after multiple deployments than some of the active duty guys who are on their first run. The only benefit to us for choosing reserves is that my husband's civilian job pays 5x as much as the Marine Corps. The most difficult thing is flipping the switch between Marine and Civilian.

    • the paperwork isnt handled any different than active duty you just have a problem in the admin section for your higher echelon for dropping the ball when activation occurs the dependents are a low priority at that time and will be until the unit has been deployed as for being called weekend warriors that started when the revolutionary war broke out and the minutemen wnet to train on the weekends to some it is a sign of disrespect to others not so for they know what it means as for money if anyone joins for the money they need their heads examined some soldiers do have a hard time flipping between military and civilian if they have been deployed for a length of time if thats what you mean if its just for the weekend then the problem lies in your on backyard

      • Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 7:39 pm |

        Tom, I respectfully disagree with this description. Our unit's experience has been very difficult with administration…. whenever they are attached to an active duty battalion. When my husband's unit deploys, they attach to a battalion who is unfamiliar with how this reserve unit's paperwork is handled… in that it has to ALSO go to the reserve unit's admin. In addition, promotion paper work (specifically in the field promotions) is handled differently. If you don't believe that, I can give you some emails of some guys who's "promotions" were recalled because whoever they were attached to submitted the paperwork to the wrong admin due to their status as activated reservists, not active duty.

        As for the "weekend warrior" "nickname"…. thanks for the history lesson but in our present day military it is meant as a derogatory term… whether the receiver receives is such or not.

        No one said anything about joining for the money……?

        And yes. Because my husband has been activated (yes… that means multiple deployments) for a majority of his contract, he has found it challenging to go from being a NCO in the Marine Corps to being a civilian. It's hard to go from a very regimented lifestyle to one that is a lot more lax…. back and forth back and forth.

        • the problem is still the admin when your husband goes to a new battalion he goes with his admin file that has all his orders and contracts and all thay have to do is look to see where his origional unit was activated and deployed to to get any orders about him to his HQ as fo the money part you mentioned he made 5x more as a civilion so hopefully he joined for patirotic reasons and i dont mean to upset anyone just putting out some experiences i have went thru and i have to admit a lot hasen't changed but some has but has it been for the better

          • Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 8:28 pm |

            Right…. he loses money by joining the Marine Corps…. soooo yes. He joined for reasons other than money. Sorry you didn't follow that point.

            And if it was that easy Tom, it wouldn't be the Marine Corps way…. Perhaps your experience has been with a more paperwork friendly branch of the service :)

          • Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 8:35 pm |

            Let me better explain because it really bothers me that you would infer something less than honorable about my husband's service to this country:
            My husband joined the reserves while still in college because he didn't want to wait due to his sense of obligation to serve his country. He chose reserve over active duty because he had hoped he'd be able to finish his degree while serving, and then sign a active duty contract upon graduating. Obviously being activated for the last 4+ years hasn't allowed him to do that… HOWEVER he does have a civilian job that he's been able to work for 5 months out of the 4+ years, and it's a guaranteed position for when he does ever get off orders. So he doesn't have to job hunt. Reserves has been beneficial over active duty FOR US, in that he has been able to work outside of the military for more money than if he was active duty… albeit only for 5 months out of the last 4 years.

          • you have it all wrong i have not made any remark about any unhonorable service i am proud that he has joined and serving his country and hope he continues to do so i said i hope he did it for patrotic reasons there are some who do for other reasons and no branch of the service 's admin is any better or worse they just have better people who try to take care of each other and if they dont what are they going to do fire them i dont think so they do what they want and get away with it so there is no bad reflection on your husband and i'm sorry you read it that way

          • I think that it would be easier to understand your points, Tom, if you used punctuation. As it is, I have a hard time understanding anything you have to say.

        • michaelzwilliamson | August 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm |

          Army handles its Guard and Reserve differently from the AF, and I assume the Navy and Marines have a different way of managing things. Operations are also ordered and managed differently. It's very easy to slip through the cracks when activated.

      • confessionsfromhh6 | August 15, 2012 at 1:45 pm |

        Tom, the paperwork is handled under a different system than active duty. They are taking measures to rectify that, but I can tell you as a Guard wife, the systems are not the same. Often we have different contact people in different areas of the country for our admin needs because of the different systems. If it were all the same, it would all be in one place, now wouldn't it? I know for a fact the last time I had to call on some health care paperwork I was asked if we were Active Duty, Reserves, or Guard. As an AGR family, this question gets complicated because we are active, but we are also Guard. Sometimes our paperwork ends up in 2 spots, and not where it should be as a result of that.

    • annabell9384 | August 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm |

      I totally agree…..many many places have lousy administrative support….MANY Reserve centers completely
      drop the ball when it comes to spousal support. I also agree on the trashing issue! Sadly I have heard of many who earned that "weekend warrior" label that makes others think so poorly of the reservist who work as hard and take as much pride in their service as active duty does!

  5. As a former Guard/current Reserve wife, I feel like I could have written every word. So very true! There are a lot of misconceptions out there, and I wish I could show this to everyone I know. Great piece.

  6. The Reservist don't get paid to maintain thier physical fitness. The Reservist don't have programs such as organinzed PT to aide in physical fitness. We don't get paid to for all of the BS online courses that we are required to take ( Safty awareness, EO classes, DTS 101, ISO Prep, AT Terrisom, etc). The Reservist have to deal with two jobs and two work schedules.Some Reservist have to bribe or pay for thier shifts to covered during training.

    Both Active Duty and Reservist have thier struggles in the Military service. The important thing is that we all serve our Country with pride and integrity.

    • GreenTundra | December 6, 2013 at 7:36 pm |

      AMEN! I currently attend school full time during the week. Work a 12 hr shift nights on a rotating 3/2 schedule where every other weekend I work. So basicly I get one weekend off a month to myself and that is filled with catching up with family. Then there's those months that I have a drill weenend on a work weekend and I'm lucky enough my job lets me go. NO pay of coarse or use of paid days off. I turn my mind off from one to the other. When I leave one I forget all the ONLINE work I need to catch up on untill I'm putting together my things for that weekend. Forget about keeping fit! I'm trying just to sleep!

  7. Great and truthful list! I am a Navy Reserve spouse and have experienced all of this. My only difference is that for us, paying for Tricare is more than 75% cheaper than getting our health insurance through either of our jobs, so we feel lucky to have that option.

    • GreenTundra | December 6, 2013 at 7:42 pm |

      I'm the Active Duty cross over to reservist and my Stay at home mom-wife loves being able to keep our Base Affiliations on the medical side. I basicly drill for the medical -TriCare Reserve Select any way. Granted 8 more years till retirement isn't half bad either.

  8. My husband was active duty for 10 years then went civilian. However, 7 years ago he became a reservist. We experienced both sides. As active, he was sent to Germany only months after we were married, spent 2 years there then straight to the Gulf War for 6 months. We spent 85% of our first 3 years of marriage in different countries! He missed as many family events as a reservist. With reserve weekends on Father's Day. When I was 9 months pregnant with our 3rd child, he got orders to Iraq. He left 4 days after her birth, missing her entire 1st year of life. This was bittersweet for us because we tried for 6 years to get pregnant again & are unable to have anymore children. We pay $200/month plus copays for Tricare Reserve insurance with the first $3000 going towards the deductible which we never reach so $5400/yr out of pocket. Many doctors don't accept Tricare Res & we had to change doctors we've gone to for years. Commissary prices have skyrocketed. I save more shopping sales & using double coupons at civilian stores. I couldn't find any military charity that would help us while my reservist husband was deployed, nor could I find where to sign up to be one of the families to be helped.

    • I know this is an old thread, but for anyone who happens upon it like I did I don't want this to be their impression of TRICARE Reserve Select (TRS). TRS has a $300 deductible for families. After that point, you would pay 15% of the adjusted rate for in-network doctors, and 20% for out-of-network doctors up to a $1000 catastrophic cap. That means if you spend $1000 out of pocket (other than your monthly $200 premium) TRICARE covers 100% of all expenses. There is no such thing as a $3000 deductible in any TRICARE plan, but if you use TRICARE as a retiree, there is a $3000 catastrophic cap.

  9. I have to disagree with some of these. I was married to a reservist, and am now married to an active duty service member. My ex-husband got allotments for uniforms, he rarely used all that he got and would use it for other things, since he didn't update most of his uniforms. My current husband also gets an allotment for uniforms, but what he gets is laughable compared to what he has to spend on the uniforms he has to wear everyday.

    I truly never felt much like a military wife with my first husband; he went off did his thing and came back. He rarely missed any events, and it had comparatively little impact on my life other than being a single mom for a while. There were of course stresses, but considering the retirement, I wasn't worried. As a spouse to an active duty service member, my entire life revolves around what the Navy needs. My job, secondary, the kids, secondary, needs of the the Navy, period. I'm not complaining, I knew what I was signing on for and think he's worth it, but it's a truly difficult role. When I was married to a reservist, I had no clue what active duty wives sacrificed.

    • annabell9384 | August 15, 2012 at 7:26 pm |

      Alot of the issue with missing events and such, depends on the reservist and how seriously they take their job. My husband (now a retired Command Master Chief) took his Navy career as serious if not more than his civilian career. He missed ALOT of family events. I'm not complaining either….but OUR lives also revolved around what the Navy needed. Like I said….It depends on the reservist!

  10. annabell9384 | August 15, 2012 at 7:22 pm |

    Well written! As the spouse of a sailor who served as a reservist for 20 yrs, I totally hear what you are saying!

  11. It takes a special person to do what Reservist and Guardsman do. Balancing Family, Civilian Job, and Reserves is like a 3 legged stool – If one is weak or breaks the others will suffer. I was fortunate enough to do 39+ years of Active Duty and Reserves – I have always been proud of the citizen military. I was asked by the press a few years ago – "How can you tell the difference between Active and Reserve/Guard forces. I said to look around and you tell me the difference – There is none – We are the most comat ready, best educated, best equipped force in the history of the world. The reason we are strong is most of us can work that three legged stool – if not we try to help those that are having trouble. We are all ONE GREAT FIGHTING FORCE & FAMILY and accept all challenges. Proud to have served and still miss it.

    • I agree with you…one team, one fight. About 5 years ago, the Yellow Ribbon program was instituted by the SECDEF to assist reserve families with the issues this blogger states. Reserve support has never been stronger and continues to grow. As a Family Readiness Officer, I can attest to the many support services and resources there are. There are many community organizations willing to support our reservist and their families. I am proud and honored to provide this support to our military families. My families never go without on my watch.

  12. screw you guys that think active duty has it harder. i had way more time with my family then. I have to work 3 jobs just to support my family now that i'm in the guard.

    • Active is much harder and anyone that says otherwise is ignorant

      • Michael McNellis | August 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm |

        As someone who has been active duty Marine Corps,Army National Guard,and Air Force Reserve I have to say that you are the one who is ignorant. As active duty you are on or near the base. As active duty you get payed to stay inshape. As active duty you get to eat live and breathe military. Its your only job and its easier and more convinent to handle. If you or us are deployed then we are in the same boat.

  13. i am retired navy reserve if i told you some of the things i had done to me you would call me a lier. i will always love the navy but some of the people i am not to happy about

  14. You can't be a professional combatant and be a civilian at the same time.

    • That's a hilarious statement. Tell that to the hundreds of thousands of National Guard troops who have done as many deployments as active Army. Tell that to the Air Reserve pilots who conduct more missions than their active duty counterparts.

  15. @Winston that is what makes being a Reservist or Reservist family so difficult. No you can't, but you are expected to fight and mission first… Period. I have seen so many struggles of reserve families when civilian employers either choose not to support or can't support the absences of Soldiers due to training or deployments. Reservists are supposed to be protected from that sort of thing, but truth is employers get crafty with reasons for termination. You have to work a civilian job in the Reserves unless you're
    Iucky enough that your spouse can pick up the lose ends. In my case I am married to an Active Duty member and I myself was a Guardsman (and then a Reservist when transferring became a big issue) and we have a toddler. I was not allowed by my own unit to deploy because of the strain it would put on my husband's active duty job and our daughter, and then I get the attitude that I am not as skilled, or useful as my active duty counterparts. Anyone I hear feeding that line is more than welcome to a lengthy discussion from me about the unique challenges of being a reservist. My unit deploys every 3 years, my husband's every 3 years, with the added work on my part of finding new slots and a new job, new sitters every time we PCS. I have been trying for over a year to be transferred closer from our last PCS, which means that I am hopping a 9 hour flight every drill weekend and training period. I have also been unable to find a job in that time, even with the Active Duty spouse benefits that I get. Anyway, Active duty and Reserves are both equally as challenging, so people should start trying to understand that the Reserves and Guard function the way the way they do for very good reasons, although personnel tracking, paperwork, training equipment, and investment in leadership training are certainly areas of much needed improvement. The Reserve and Guard components just don't have the time or money to train as necessary without becoming activated or else denying Soldiers much needed benefits lost from civilian jobs. But these components are necessary unless you want Active Duty Soldiers and families to pay a much higher price, which I am in a unique position to also be paying.

  16. CMC Day USNR Ret. | August 16, 2012 at 10:55 am |

    There is also a myth that you are only covered by SGLI on drill weekends or AT. The insurance premiums which are deducted from pay every month cover reservists 24/7. We have had this argument with seemingly knowledgeable persons in the Chain of Command and always the SGLI representatives respond with reservists are covered 24/7 even at their civilian work place and home.

    The fact that the priums are the same price for active and reserve should tell you something but it seems people always need reassurance.

  17. The clothing allotment is an interesting subject. When I was active I received a clothing allotment. As a civilian required to wear a suit every day I do not get one from my employer. What gives I wear out clothes just like active duty. another benefit the public never sees that all think they deserve like the housing tax free allotments ( I hauled in 2600/month) while deployed in Iraq benefit. Stop the I sacrifice talk the benefits are so far above when I first joined the Corps as a Pvt in 1967 a fter 40 years I think I have a goodidea about sacrifice and do not see a whole bunch when you all signed up for the dance.

  18. I would disagree with the cost of health insurance in Myth 1. I use the TRICARE Reserve Select for my family healthcare and it is far cheaper than purchasing my company health care plan. Also, since most premiums have gone up with the implementation of ObamaCare, the TRICARE Reserve Select has only gone up slightly. Even with TRICARE Reserve Select I can choose to use my own service provider with no co-pays or I can go to a military service provider if there is space available. I highly recommend considering TRICARE Reserve Select when looking at your healthcare options.

  19. Gretchen Morrison | August 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm |

    Great post! You are right, each of us even if we are the same state and branch all get different results! I am told one thing my Friend goes in and asked the same question only gets a different answer. So no matter your status (active/reserve) or Branch we all have the same red fruit just may not all be apples! ;)

  20. Oh my word, I so needed this right now! I just missed my hubby getting pinned for corporal, we just dropped a bunch of money on new uniforms and tailoring, and I was wondering if we were the only ones??!! I support our military, but as a USMC reservist spouse, they make me so angry as well.

  21. I remember shopping in the BX for items to go on a deployment. Another guy saw me and said "Ha! I joined the Reserves to get out of having to do that!". My comment back to him was "Yeah…so did I!!"

  22. When I was active duty, my first deployment was with a Reservist team. At first glance, you thought these guys were incompetant, and partied all the time, couldn't hold a candle to active duty soldiers. But as soon as we hit the ground they reactivated their old contacts in Baghdad, and got operations running in no time. They knew their stuff, and were professional (for the most part) when the time was needed. Nethertheless they got high marks all around, it was a great learning experience.

  23. As a retired reservist I have alot to say. First, we did not join because of the pay, the bene`s or promise of regular promotions. We do it because we wanted to serve, and the rest, well. Be prepared to be called away, and in these economic times, look for chances to volunteer to go. Some employers will be spiteful and some hold it over you. ALL IN ALL I SPENT 20 YEARS, I WOULD NOT TRADE A DAY FOR A MILLION BUCKS BUT I WOULD SELL A DAY FOR ONE DOLLAR.

    The reserve center I came from had several congressionals, several changes of command (some forced, some early), all due to the lack of support for the reservists. The units there took care of there own business and as the C.O. once said they are only there if we were to get mobed. This is not the norm for all branches, just beware, do your own leg work, go in for a visit, ask, watch, listen. In all I was mobed for Desert Storm & OIF. Total time spent overseas was 4yrs 2 mos. Five rows of cabbage and proud of each.

    I was asked once if I would do it again? I said _ _ ck ya, in a heart beat. Myths, some are true, like does the active side treat reserves like like step children during their 2 weeks? some. Do the reserves compete with the active side for promo`s? yes. Is there the same tolerance for less than outstanding physical readiness? no. Because of the employment situation today even reservists are an expendable commodity. When it comes time to retire, reservists do not draw the benefit right away, you wait until age 60, take the spousal benefit, remember your spouse has spent the same 20 years and deserves it if you die.


  24. If you want to confuse everyone…discuss the AGR component.

    I was married to an AGR ANG Soldier with 22 years in service as AGR + 4 years AD USMC. No one quite understands what AGR is.

  25. I am an active duty female and I do a mans job and I accept it. You don't have it that bad suck it up.

  26. Great job with this article. I usually don't like military wives at all, but this lady is spot on. Thank you for your honest portrayal of what it is like to be part of a military reserve family, without any whining or ridiculous stories about not knowing how to use an ATM (ie, Sarah Smiley – whose articles I like, but I was still horrified by her initial naivety).

  27. Good post. Almost all of it true for my family. My husband has been a reservist for almost 5 years now. His unit mine as well be an active duty unit though as much as they train. My husband spends way more time than just 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks AT. He has also been deployed on a 14 month stint to Afghanistan. He has been gone more in the last 3 years than he has been home. It would be nice if he had the same benefits as his active duty counterparts. Besides the deployments (yes we get insurance, BAH, BAS, etc. during the deployments) all of the training typically last 29 days. Guess what, that puts him out of luck when it comes to benefits. He also doesn't get paid until he comes back home. His unit is required to train more than the normal reserve unit. My husband cannot find, or keep a civilian job due to this. Employers really do not care, they find a way to discriminate. Like others said above, none of the organisations that help military families during financial crisis are set up to help the reserve families as well. Not only this, when in financial trouble, like we are because of the reserve schedule, we can't even take out a payday loan because it is illegal if you are associated with the military. My husband would love to go to the active duty side. With all of the cutbacks these days it unlikely though. I would, as a civilian, have a better chance in being able to enlist active duty than he would.

    We are a proud family though. With all the nuances, hard times, and financial strain to remain a reservist family we still stay proud of my husbands service to this country.

  28. The biggest problem I found during my time in the reserves, after active duty service with the Army was employer support. Never mind paid military leave. Most employers, with the exception of the public sector, even resent giving unpaid military leave, separate from vacation time.

    From my experience the overwhelming majority of Reservists, including the National Guard, were full time students, local/state/federal government workers, teachers, self employed, or worked at a family owned business.

  29. Never married as a reservist (I left reserves before marriage), but here's my 2 cents:

    Part-time: With exception of deployments, no long and extended duty periods
    Base access and availability of discounted shopping and lodging at DoD sponsored locations
    Travel opportunities-many civilian employers (especially small local businesses) don't give you that chance
    Opportunity to learn new skills and meet interesting people
    Don't have to move every 4 years, hoping you don't end up at remote radar station near the arctic circle or other undesirable location. (FYI, I knew AD friend who ended up at remote radar station for 1-2 years :) )

    Have to balance two jobs/two lives (AD members and spouses live military 24/7/365)
    Spouse/SO has less support than AD spouses
    Smaller pension, have to wait until age 60 to collect pension check
    Don't spend enough time to really get good at job(minus deployments), unless you have civilian experience in similar career field
    Some civilian employers see reservists as liability rather than asset to company due to drill duty/deployment commitments

    I enjoyed my time in the reserves, but quit due to working full time and starting night classes for my degree. There was no time for drill duty or deployments unless I wanted to skip sleep.

  30. This post was written a while ago, but it came up rather highly rated when I searched "Reserve Lifestyle"
    My boyfriend of 7 years recently brought up the idea of joining the Navel Reserves. He currently ships on the civilian side and he has mentioned it more than a few times.

    I am very interested to understand how our lifestyle would change. We are rather used to the shipping lifestyle, he has worked everything from 12 days on/off to 90 days (the current).

    I would love for someone to add on to this!
    It was very insightful and thought provoking.
    Maybe like a "Things you should know" or "questions to ask" type of break down.

    Thank you again for this and your husband for his service. I understand the feeling of others being confused about a persons job and how it relates to their absence, I have fallen back on, "he is an engineer" for the past few years.

  31. You are Joking, right?

  32. "There are no 'orders' for weekend drills." If they get paid there are orders.

  33. Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 7:28 pm |

    My USMC reservist has been activated for all but 5 months out of the entirety of his contract…. I don't think what you say can apply in this situation, but thank you for continuing that inaccurate, albeit persistent debate.

  34. I have been both Reserve is tuffer you have to the same amount of training Active duty has a month to complelet. Reserve has just two days

  35. You do indeed have have year round privileges to ANYTHING on ANY installation.

  36. as i said unless things have changed and they must have we had to have orders and our ids and dependents didnt get ids but had to accompany the reservist during that 48 hr period

  37. how can what he said not apply . when your spouse joined up his first obligation for 8 years is to the government to do with as they wish and if he is deploye for all of the 8 years then he will have met his obligation and you will have experinced the active duty lifestyle that you never intended to do. look thru the eyes of the active duty spouses and just think what they have to go thru

  38. As a reserve wife, I can say we have commissary and base privileges all year round. I have my own ID, as well. And reservist only get orders if they are going to be activated for 30 consecutive days or more. Though my husband can ask for written orders whenever he wants, they don't change our benefits unless he's activated for more than 30 days. I've been with my husband for 6 years and it's always been that way for us.

  39. Amanda Lynn | August 14, 2012 at 8:09 pm |

    Exactly. When reservists are activated, an active duty admin is doing their paperwork… and thus there is confusion and denials and paperwork ending up in no-man's land. You wouldn't have a reserve unit handling an active duty guy's paperwork… so that's something that we have to struggle with whenever there are personnel changes and activations. Every reservist hates the paperwork shuffle during activations. And try getting married when your reservist is activated! Good Lord…

  40. do you have a VA hospital or a VFW or American Legion Hall near by they have support groups that you can participate in and have someone to talk to with people who understand just a suggestion

  41. Hi Melissa, you will learn how to make it less hard. Keep your friends updated and plan a girl's night once a month or do something you enjoy but your hubby doesn't really care for. It won't always be easy to fake it but you will get through this, I promise. All the best to you.

  42. I understand your feelings. It can be quite a challenge to find support. Just know that as you adjust and adapt, you will find great ways to help you cope. :) Sometimes, you just have to wake up, smile and say, I refuse to let today be a bad day. But we all find ways to make it through and are stronger for it.

  43. Thanks Ms Sanchz I appreciate your kind words. I’m lucky that my husband can do his reserves duty locally each month but he is going to New Orleans for two weeks in September so I will be without him again. I just try my best to stay busy and hope it goes fast.

  44. It seemed that if you are a spouse at home with kids you were priority and if you are the family member of a single soldier or spouse without children, you weren't suppose to need anything.

    As an active duty wife, I feel the same way. That doesn't change. The military is geared toward families and spends a lot of money ensuring mothers and childrens needs are addressed. I have felt "ignored" for the past 2 1/2 years, especially during deployment.

  45. michaelzwilliamson | August 15, 2012 at 5:30 pm |

    Assuming one lives anywhere near an installation with Commissary/Exchange/MWR. Active duty are on the installation. Reservists may be hundreds of miles from an installation. That sort of makes the benefit entirely worthless.

  46. Amy_Bushatz | August 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm |

    Well said. It just shows that this list is one of myths from this ONE spouse's perspective. And we do love multiple perspectives here, so thank you so much for sharing :-)

  47. I'm with you, also as an active duty wife without children. On some bases, Army Community Services may have a group for wives w/o children but I am an older spouse and this may sound like an excuse but have just found it easier to be reclusive and explore my own interests and friends apart from the military after having lived the AD life for 12 years now.

  48. Gerry Tremblay | August 18, 2012 at 7:17 pm |

    Like you I retired from the Marine Reserves and yes I had to wait till I was 60 to get my pay and Tricare. I spent seven and half years on active duty, got out and return to Marine reserves. My family was 7 children and even raised one grand child. The military schools,drills, ATDs were part of Marine life. My wife understood and so did our children. Yes it was hard at times but the end results payed off. You see I have MS now and Tricare takes care of my meds as well as my wifes. When I joined the reserves I did not think about ther benefits, I wanted to be a Marine again and I was and my wife was in full support. Yes I am better off for I did retire from 2 different cities but there was no insurance. The actie duty or reserves are for ones that want to serve there county, the benefits are a +. Once a Marine always a Marine retired Master Sgt.

  49. who the hell gives a shit about your seeing your spouse get pinned.listen the bottom line is you signed the contract and they got you by the balls no matter what you do.the difference between reservist and active duty is reservist get a huge break and don't have to deal with the daily grind of an active soldier or marine thats just a fact!!!so stop your bitching

  50. LOL…not all installations have a commissary or BX/PX, so not all active duty members have ready access. Neah Bay, Washington, comes to mind. No BX or Commissary, but the NCO club rocked!!

  51. Thank goodness. I was afraid it was my brain going sideways! LOL

  52. When I was in the AF Reserve, we went on a deployment to Travis AFB, CA. We were to replace the active duty forces so that they could take leaves and such. They sneered and snickered at us, thinking that we would fall on our faces. During the 2 weeks, we ended up doing their jobs twice as good as they did. They ended up being reprimanded for letting a lowly Reserve unit show them up! It was great!

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