Before I met and married my husband, a USMC reservist currently with 10 years in the service, I had no real understanding about the difference between Reserve and Active Duty military members. In fact, I had no comprehension at all. It felt like I spent the first year I dated my husband simply trying to learn the lingo that is Military Acronym Speak, let alone having to have him explain every nuance of Reserve life.
I’ve since gotten the hang of things. But I know there are plenty of people out there who don’t understand how life in the Reserves differs from life in the Active Duty. I’m going to share with you what I think are the nine most common myths about being a Reserve family.
Myth 1: Because we are a “military family,” we have access to TRICARE health benefits.
Truth: Sort of. Yes we can get TRICARE, but only if my husband is activated for more than 30 days. Outside of his deployments, that kind of activation has only happened once since I’ve known him. He was activated for 31 days and sent to Australia to train. Other than those rare occasions, we are only able to use TRICARE if we pay extra for it, which is usually more expensive than simply buying our own insurance or paying for benefits through one of our civilian jobs.
Myth 2: We get military allotments like uniform allowance, Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH).
Truth: Nope. The only time we qualified for BAH was when my husband deployed. And we do not get uniform allowances, though my husband is required to keep his uniform tailored and up to date just like his active duty counter parts. This means that uniform expenses and the likes are out of pocket for us. But we can claim it on our taxes, along with his travel expenses associated with drill weekends and many other things.
Myth 3: Because we’re Reserve and have a “normal” civilian life, we don’t really miss the fun parts of active duty life.
Truth: I have never gotten to see my husband get pinned after a promotion. If I even know about the event ahead of time or am invited to it, I live too far away from where it is held to easily attend. I will always be sad that I miss out on these types of special events in his career. Yes, I have civilian job related events to be proud of him for, but I’m pretty sure there is nothing quite like the pride of watching your spouse get pinned … but I will never get to know for sure.
Myth 4: When my husband goes to drill we get extra benefits.
Truth: This might be the most common myth that I have to dispel for both my civilian and Active Duty friends. Benefits only change when my husband gets activated/deployed. That means regardless of whether he is at drill or serving his two weeks a year, our benefits never change.
Myth 5: We have access to all the same help in times of need as our Active Duty friends.
Truth: Although we can use Military OneSource, most non-profits and other such organizations that are in place to help the military are actually only for Active Duty families. The idea behind that restriction is that Reserve families have civilian jobs to fall back on.
But it means that when my husband misses work for his military service, but the military doesn’t pay us right away, neither the civilian world nor Military OneSource offers us aid to help get us over that financial hump, both perhaps assuming that the other will step-up. It also means that in times of emergency both groups often take the same attitude.
This also includes financial scholarships for schooling and just about anything else you can think of. Most groups are for Active Duty families only, though they don’t often advertise this fact.
Myth 6: Because we’re Reserve, my husband never misses important family events like birthdays and anniversaries.
Truth: My husband nearly always misses important events like my birthday. We didn’t get to spend a real anniversary together until our third year of marriage and he misses nearly all major family events. He has met most of my family only once, at our wedding. Reserve or not, the military simply doesn’t care what weekend they have drill, or other military related service, nor do they care if they deploy your spouse five months into your marriage. We’re in the same boat on this one: my husband misses nearly all the same major life events as Active Duty servicemembers do.
Myth 7: Reservists never (or rarely) deploy
Truth: This myth is starting to die on its own, but has been held onto by much of the civilian world. My family, for example, was not only shocked to find out that I was dating a Reservist who is a veteran of the Iraq war, but I thought their jaws were going to hit their knees when I told them he was going to deploy again.
Myth 8: Reservists aren’t as proud of military service as Active Duty folks. If they were, they’d have joined the Active Duty force.
Truth: This might be the most hurtful of all the myths about Reservists and their families. The truth is that everyone chooses what is right for them. My husband serves his country proudly, and I am equally as proud of his service as any Active Duty spouse is of their servicemember’s. I would have no problem with him deciding to go active duty, but l leave that up to him, since he’s the servicemember. His choice to go Reserve has nothing to do with a lack of pride in his military service or record.
Myth 9: Reserve families have it easier than Active Duty families because they split time between the civilian and military worlds.
Truth: I honestly don’t think one has it any easier than the other. Each side has a unique set of challenges that they face. Some of those challenges overlap and some are specific to being Reserve or Active Duty. I don’t PCS, and having never PCSed, but being a person who does not take moving well, I can only imagine it’s exciting but very difficult emotionally.
On the flip side, when my husband deployed, I was miles away from the nearest base and hours away from the nearest spouse from my husband’s unit. It means that we reserve spouses often feel alone during deployment because it’s unlikely we are near a base or other families to help us cope. There is always going to be something I can look at and say, “I don’t know how I would cope with that.”But the same goes for everyone in life, regardless of whether you are a civilian, Reservist or Active Duty family.
Are you are Reservist? What other myths would you add to this list? Active Duty? What about the above surprised you? Share below.
A Girl, who prefers to keep her work anonymous, began blogging in 2008 as a means of coping with deployment. She is a Veterinary Technician by trade and loves her work in Emergency and Critical Care. She has been married for four years to a 10 year USMC reservist with whom she has three very bratty dogs. You can read her ramblings about reserve life, muddling through the aftermath of a very difficult deployment and life in general at A Boy, A Girl and the Marine Corps: A Love Triangle, via her Facebook page or on Twitter @BoyGirlUSMC.
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Kudo's to you for your honest view of reservist life. I previously did not have a lot of info on reservists, but they are obviously a very important member of our armed services. As an active duty spouse, I don't know what I would do without the security and comforts of my Tricare availability, spouses next door to complain with, support on base, etc; I wish those were more available to you!
Thank you for the kind words :) I have many friends who are active duty and these are things that come up quite often. I appreciate your perspective. :)
After serving 3 years active duty Marine Corps, 7 years Army National Guard, and 12 years Air Force Reserve – I've learned that once you get 100 miles or further away from military bases that most Americans are clueless about any thing that has to do with military life. The 1st time I came back from Iraq (when it really rock & rolled) It seemed to me that most Americans did'nt know their was a real WAR going on. They just turned the channel. Michael McNellis MSgt. retired…
I agree with everything you said, and then some. I just retired from the Marine Reserve, and I saw how hard it is for people to hold down a job, take care of their family, and continue to serve in uniform at the same time. Then throw in the time required for professional military education, in addition to your Reserve job, that is required to get promoted. I’d add that most officers and staff NCOs are underpaid due to all the work they do ‘off the clock’, between drills.
Then there is the employer flexibility — some are good, some are impossible. On the good side for example, many local police departments support ‘military leave’, time away from the job that doesn’t count against your vacation time. But sometimes LEOs are too busy already to fully participate with their Reserve unit. I knew a Marine who couldn’t deploy to Iraq with his unit because he was too busy as a federal agent — already overseas in places like Afghanistan. Other times Reservists miss out on promotions or good assignments at work because their employer isn’t as supportive of the Reserves. In my case, I’m a stay-at-home-dad; every time I had orders or annual training, my wife had to take leave, or we paid to fly in her mother from 2 time zones away to take care of the kids while I was away.
Overall the Reserves worked for us because we thought it was better than trying to be a dual-military, 2 services, active-duty couple. I have to wait until 60 to get retirement pay, but that is still a significant contribution to our retirement planning. We’ll be a lot better off than if I never joined the Reserves after leaving active duty.
By the way, it’s not a matter here of saying who has things harder; there are huge challenges for all of our service members. I think the writer’s intent for this post is to share the knowledge about Guard/Reserve life. That’s important since the missions of the Active and Reserve components have become so intertwined.
Like you I retired from the Marine Reserves and yes I had to wait till I was 60 to get my pay and Tricare. I spent seven and half years on active duty, got out and return to Marine reserves. My family was 7 children and even raised one grand child. The military schools,drills, ATDs were part of Marine life. My wife understood and so did our children. Yes it was hard at times but the end results payed off. You see I have MS now and Tricare takes care of my meds as well as my wifes. When I joined the reserves I did not think about ther benefits, I wanted to be a Marine again and I was and my wife was in full support. Yes I am better off for I did retire from 2 different cities but there was no insurance. The actie duty or reserves are for ones that want to serve there county, the benefits are a +. Once a Marine always a Marine retired Master Sgt.
some of your comments are justified and some are not when your husband took the oath he knew he could be deployed the next day and not be relieved for up to 4 years and during that time you are the spouse of an active duty soldier with all the benefits available. as for weekends every month you are allowed to go to the nearest base with a copy of his orders for that weekend and you are also entitled to all benefits available toactive duty families. there are drawbacks as you may not be close to a base when the weekend aproaches but if you can you can leave a day early and when the orders take effect you have the whole weekend to shop and partake of the base facilities which you will find out they are not ant cheaper then your local walmart more like macys and jc pennys and radio shack
1. There are no ‘orders’ for weekend drills. 2. All reservists have exchange and commissary privileges 365 days/year. Even members of the IRR
You are Joking, right?
there are orders if you ask for them i was in both the active side and the reserve side and if they have changed in the last few years you do not have year round privliges
You do indeed have have year round privileges to ANYTHING on ANY installation.
Assuming one lives anywhere near an installation with Commissary/Exchange/MWR. Active duty are on the installation. Reservists may be hundreds of miles from an installation. That sort of makes the benefit entirely worthless.
LOL…not all installations have a commissary or BX/PX, so not all active duty members have ready access. Neah Bay, Washington, comes to mind. No BX or Commissary, but the NCO club rocked!!
Yes, you have privileges 365/yr, as long as you have an ID card. If you are IRR, just go to a base that issues IDs and get a Reserve ID.
as i said unless things have changed and they must have we had to have orders and our ids and dependents didnt get ids but had to accompany the reservist during that 48 hr period
As a reserve wife, I can say we have commissary and base privileges all year round. I have my own ID, as well. And reservist only get orders if they are going to be activated for 30 consecutive days or more. Though my husband can ask for written orders whenever he wants, they don't change our benefits unless he's activated for more than 30 days. I've been with my husband for 6 years and it's always been that way for us.
I retired in 1996 from the Air Force Reserve and we got paid for every period that we were in uniform. That included all UTAs and ATs. I was never activated. I don't remember getting orders for UTAs because they were always the first weekend of every month. It seems like we got one piece of paper each year that said when UTAs were for the year. We only got separate orders for ATs.
(AT = 2 week Annual Tour)
(UTA = one weekend per month, Unit Training Assembly)
I can't comment on the benefits because my wife was in my same unit! But I do know that I did then, and do now, have access to the BX and Commissary 365 days a year, but absolutely no health care or dental care at all. I use VA for that.
"There are no 'orders' for weekend drills." If they get paid there are orders.
I had 6 good years in the Reserves; I never saw orders for a drill weekend, and I still got paid. But that’s just my experience.
Actually she would be the wife of an active duty MARINE. Tom as someone who has been both active duty and reserve in whatever branch… you should know this distinction is important.
yes i do know and i appoligize for the oversight and promise not to let it happen again:)
I am a reserve spouse (and veteran), i can attest to the fact that as a reserve dependent I have access to exchange, commissary, and MWR. I have never been denied access to a base, even when just wanting to "look around" (except of course those bases that have restricted areas).
As for IRR, I was placed on IRR when I got out of the Navy, and I was not issued a government ID card. Without that ID, not bennies..
As long as you’re still on contract you can go get a Reserve ID at any base (that issues IDs). Then you’ll get the access 365/yr
According to Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individual_Ready_Res… you and any dependants should have ID cards while on IRR.
"These benefits include: Entitlement to a Military ID Card, ID Cards for their dependents, PX/BX (Exchange) benefits, Commissary benefits, and MWR"
This is assuming you are in CONUS. If you are in Hawaii or Alaska, you might want to check on it.
One thing I'd like to note is the lack of administrative support for paperwork that reserve units have. Their paperwork is handled differently, so when they are activated (or attached to another unit for deployment) our paperwork gets lost in the shuffle. No one knows where it's supposed to go or how it is handled. It's really frustrating. There's also very little support for spouses during activations because we are are not central to any one location. In addition, when they are deployed they get trashed by their active duty partners. It's really disheartening for him to be the butt of the joke and being called a "weekend warrior" when he has more combat experience after multiple deployments than some of the active duty guys who are on their first run. The only benefit to us for choosing reserves is that my husband's civilian job pays 5x as much as the Marine Corps. The most difficult thing is flipping the switch between Marine and Civilian.
the paperwork isnt handled any different than active duty you just have a problem in the admin section for your higher echelon for dropping the ball when activation occurs the dependents are a low priority at that time and will be until the unit has been deployed as for being called weekend warriors that started when the revolutionary war broke out and the minutemen wnet to train on the weekends to some it is a sign of disrespect to others not so for they know what it means as for money if anyone joins for the money they need their heads examined some soldiers do have a hard time flipping between military and civilian if they have been deployed for a length of time if thats what you mean if its just for the weekend then the problem lies in your on backyard
Tom, I respectfully disagree with this description. Our unit's experience has been very difficult with administration…. whenever they are attached to an active duty battalion. When my husband's unit deploys, they attach to a battalion who is unfamiliar with how this reserve unit's paperwork is handled… in that it has to ALSO go to the reserve unit's admin. In addition, promotion paper work (specifically in the field promotions) is handled differently. If you don't believe that, I can give you some emails of some guys who's "promotions" were recalled because whoever they were attached to submitted the paperwork to the wrong admin due to their status as activated reservists, not active duty.
As for the "weekend warrior" "nickname"…. thanks for the history lesson but in our present day military it is meant as a derogatory term… whether the receiver receives is such or not.
No one said anything about joining for the money……?
And yes. Because my husband has been activated (yes… that means multiple deployments) for a majority of his contract, he has found it challenging to go from being a NCO in the Marine Corps to being a civilian. It's hard to go from a very regimented lifestyle to one that is a lot more lax…. back and forth back and forth.
I your point is in the spirit of the original post: the active duty side doesn’t know that much about the reserve side, and sometimes that is painful.
In the Marines the admin manual is 10 pound brick that covers all of the orders, pay, etc. It’s hard for anyone to understand most pages of that thing, never mind all of them. In addition to that you have the Reserve admin manual, just as big, just as complicated. And when they meet (like during activation and mobilization), even the best administrators’ heads spin. Things fall thorough the cracks. People make mistakes. Good leaders fix those mistakes by educating themselves and standing up for people who don’t know better.
Exactly. When reservists are activated, an active duty admin is doing their paperwork… and thus there is confusion and denials and paperwork ending up in no-man's land. You wouldn't have a reserve unit handling an active duty guy's paperwork… so that's something that we have to struggle with whenever there are personnel changes and activations. Every reservist hates the paperwork shuffle during activations. And try getting married when your reservist is activated! Good Lord…
the problem is still the admin when your husband goes to a new battalion he goes with his admin file that has all his orders and contracts and all thay have to do is look to see where his origional unit was activated and deployed to to get any orders about him to his HQ as fo the money part you mentioned he made 5x more as a civilion so hopefully he joined for patirotic reasons and i dont mean to upset anyone just putting out some experiences i have went thru and i have to admit a lot hasen't changed but some has but has it been for the better
Right…. he loses money by joining the Marine Corps…. soooo yes. He joined for reasons other than money. Sorry you didn't follow that point.
And if it was that easy Tom, it wouldn't be the Marine Corps way…. Perhaps your experience has been with a more paperwork friendly branch of the service :)
Let me better explain because it really bothers me that you would infer something less than honorable about my husband's service to this country:
My husband joined the reserves while still in college because he didn't want to wait due to his sense of obligation to serve his country. He chose reserve over active duty because he had hoped he'd be able to finish his degree while serving, and then sign a active duty contract upon graduating. Obviously being activated for the last 4+ years hasn't allowed him to do that… HOWEVER he does have a civilian job that he's been able to work for 5 months out of the 4+ years, and it's a guaranteed position for when he does ever get off orders. So he doesn't have to job hunt. Reserves has been beneficial over active duty FOR US, in that he has been able to work outside of the military for more money than if he was active duty… albeit only for 5 months out of the last 4 years.
you have it all wrong i have not made any remark about any unhonorable service i am proud that he has joined and serving his country and hope he continues to do so i said i hope he did it for patrotic reasons there are some who do for other reasons and no branch of the service 's admin is any better or worse they just have better people who try to take care of each other and if they dont what are they going to do fire them i dont think so they do what they want and get away with it so there is no bad reflection on your husband and i'm sorry you read it that way
I think that it would be easier to understand your points, Tom, if you used punctuation. As it is, I have a hard time understanding anything you have to say.
Army handles its Guard and Reserve differently from the AF, and I assume the Navy and Marines have a different way of managing things. Operations are also ordered and managed differently. It's very easy to slip through the cracks when activated.
Tom, the paperwork is handled under a different system than active duty. They are taking measures to rectify that, but I can tell you as a Guard wife, the systems are not the same. Often we have different contact people in different areas of the country for our admin needs because of the different systems. If it were all the same, it would all be in one place, now wouldn't it? I know for a fact the last time I had to call on some health care paperwork I was asked if we were Active Duty, Reserves, or Guard. As an AGR family, this question gets complicated because we are active, but we are also Guard. Sometimes our paperwork ends up in 2 spots, and not where it should be as a result of that.
I totally agree…..many many places have lousy administrative support….MANY Reserve centers completely
drop the ball when it comes to spousal support. I also agree on the trashing issue! Sadly I have heard of many who earned that "weekend warrior" label that makes others think so poorly of the reservist who work as hard and take as much pride in their service as active duty does!
Talk to some more folks who have done both. While I respect what you have to go through, active duty is way more stressful for the family and the servicemember than being Reserve or National Guard. At least you have YOUR family as a support system (unless you've already voluntarily moved away from them), and the active duty folks definitely miss out on more stuff than reserves. While your husband may miss out on one weekend a month and two weeks a year, active duty membrs only get to see the extended families 30 days per year. Even though active duty members take their immediate families with them, they still have field exercises and long hours on any given day to go through.
Thank you for your sacrifices as a military family, active or reserve.
My USMC reservist has been activated for all but 5 months out of the entirety of his contract…. I don't think what you say can apply in this situation, but thank you for continuing that inaccurate, albeit persistent debate.
how can what he said not apply . when your spouse joined up his first obligation for 8 years is to the government to do with as they wish and if he is deploye for all of the 8 years then he will have met his obligation and you will have experinced the active duty lifestyle that you never intended to do. look thru the eyes of the active duty spouses and just think what they have to go thru
"the active duty folks definitely miss out on more stuff than reserves. While your husband may miss out on one weekend a month and two weeks a year, active duty membrs only get to see the extended families 30 days per year."
In case you were truly wondering what I meant by what they are saying isn't a blanket application of the reserve family.
I grew up on Fort Lewis in an active duty household…. I see very clearly thank you :)
During a deployment, there is no comparison of who goes through more emotional turmoil… a deployment is a deployment is a deployment. The issues are that as reserve spouses, we may not live NEAR our military support system, thus it's harder for us to connect with a military community that really understands the cycles of emotions that we go through.
Please don't get me wrong. I was not complaining about his activation. I never once said it's not fair or that he shouldn't have joined. I'm very proud of him and I really enjoy our lifestyle and love being a part of the Marine Corps. I love the military community because that's what I grew up with. I live in a community right now where there isn't any military support and it SUCKS. My husband is deployed and no one here really knows what to say or do around me. I've had to do most of the work to keep my friends involved because they don't have experience with military…. in the past they've stopped calling and coming over because they didn't know if I wanted space or increased social interaction or what. And every deployment is the same. The only time it wasn't like that was when I was fortunate enough to live near a base and had spouses around me going through the same thing who wanted to be with other spouses just like them.
do you have a VA hospital or a VFW or American Legion Hall near by they have support groups that you can participate in and have someone to talk to with people who understand just a suggestion
Amanda, you have a great point that applies around the reserves.
If you were at Fort Hood or Camp Lejeune and your spouse was deployed, chances are someone on your block is in the same boat. If your spouse deploys with a reserve unit, chances are the nearest spouse from your unit is 50 or 100 miles away.
That’s what we’re here for at SpouseBuzz. Stay in touch.
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and it also just perpetuates the theory that the Reserves only serve one weekend a month and two weeks out of the year. What a bunch of garbage. We are an active part of the military service and serve around the world much more than once a month and two weeks a year. That is a minimum. Most of us do much, much more than that. make sure you know what you are talking about before you make a comment. I was Active Duty before I was a Reservist and the only difference I have noted is that I recieve less pay and entitlements than I did while on Active Duty. We are all an important part of the equation.
AMEN!
Great start there CMSgt. Having served first on active duty for 5 years, in the Guard as a traditional (not just weekends), and now as an active AGR on Title 10 duty here in D.C., it's really the job of the reserve components to educate Americans and other service-members who may be ignorant of the reality of the sacrifices being made outside this mentality that reservists are weekend warriors. There is great sacrifice made by Reservists and Guardsmen to serve their country beyond what AC folks can comprehend. I usually remind my buddies who are still AC that when I was holding down a 65-70 hour a week job in the corporate world and had to go to my other job (the Guard) for a weekend and also several nights a week for training meetings or early staff planning sessions (that are unpaid) or take night classes to keep up with training requirements not offered to reservists in a full time school status, they groaned at the thought having to report to a 2nd set of bosses and shifting their entire focus to performing in a second career carved out of the their own personal time.
I have been both Reserve is tuffer you have to the same amount of training Active duty has a month to complelet. Reserve has just two days
As a former Guard/current Reserve wife, I feel like I could have written every word. So very true! There are a lot of misconceptions out there, and I wish I could show this to everyone I know. Great piece.
The Reservist don't get paid to maintain thier physical fitness. The Reservist don't have programs such as organinzed PT to aide in physical fitness. We don't get paid to for all of the BS online courses that we are required to take ( Safty awareness, EO classes, DTS 101, ISO Prep, AT Terrisom, etc). The Reservist have to deal with two jobs and two work schedules.Some Reservist have to bribe or pay for thier shifts to covered during training.
Both Active Duty and Reservist have thier struggles in the Military service. The important thing is that we all serve our Country with pride and integrity.
Im really enjoyed all the input here. My husband is retired navy and now in the reserves. We have been married only a few week and I’m still learning all about the military. He does his monthly drills and training almost every couple months. When he is away its really hard and I do wish I had more support from people who understand. Glad to hear from others who understand how it feels.
Hi Melissa, you will learn how to make it less hard. Keep your friends updated and plan a girl's night once a month or do something you enjoy but your hubby doesn't really care for. It won't always be easy to fake it but you will get through this, I promise. All the best to you.
Thanks Ms Sanchz I appreciate your kind words. I’m lucky that my husband can do his reserves duty locally each month but he is going to New Orleans for two weeks in September so I will be without him again. I just try my best to stay busy and hope it goes fast.
I understand your feelings. It can be quite a challenge to find support. Just know that as you adjust and adapt, you will find great ways to help you cope. :) Sometimes, you just have to wake up, smile and say, I refuse to let today be a bad day. But we all find ways to make it through and are stronger for it.
As the wife of a National Guard soldier, I appreciate that someone finally understands what I have been feeling for so long. After two deployments and who knows how many missed family functions, birthdays, anniversaries, etc I have to say you get used to it. It doesn't mean you like it but you know to expect it and learn to cope. Sometimes that coping takes an ugly turn and my hubby gets the brunt of my frustration. I knew when we married what I was getting in to but that doesn't make it easy. The last year long deployment was rough for me emotionally and there were some major challenges but in hind sight, I am a stronger person for it. The hardest part was I never knew what was going on. Prior to deployment, FRG was all gung ho about family and making sure everyone was informed about what to expect but not once did anyone reach out to me. It seemed that if you are a spouse at home with kids you were priority and if you are the family member of a single soldier or spouse without children, you weren't suppose to need anything. I can't tell you how many times I felt so alone and just wish I had someone to talk to about my feelings. As Nat Grd and Res spouses, we often don't ever meet one another. Drill weekends don't mean I can pick up and tag along with hubby, life at home doesn't stop to go for a weekend social gathering. While both active duty and National Guard and Reserves all have challenges, it is important that we all stick together and support one another and our soldiers.
And add to all this the life of a spouse & family of a mobilized/deployed Individual Augmentee (IA) Reservist!! That is, one who’s mobilized on his/her own – not deployed along with any unit, let alone one’s own unit, and certainly not near enough to a base of any branch of the military. The nearest I could get to human support during that deployment was a mix n match group of spouses on email, most of whom had no knowledge of what others were even doing (with everyone scattered). A few times that year, “someone” would call to “check” on us but never anyone who had any knowledge of my spouses wherabouts or well-being or how to help if we had any issues or questions. Made for a long, lonely life, and worse yet, in an election year! Many citizens are clueless about what being a military family is like, Reserves OR Active duty. Hopefully major improvements have been made for IA’s & their families. I vote we military folks ALL just stick together.
It seemed that if you are a spouse at home with kids you were priority and if you are the family member of a single soldier or spouse without children, you weren't suppose to need anything.
As an active duty wife, I feel the same way. That doesn't change. The military is geared toward families and spends a lot of money ensuring mothers and childrens needs are addressed. I have felt "ignored" for the past 2 1/2 years, especially during deployment.
I felt the same way when my husband deployed. We didn't get paid a number of times and were having a hard time paying bills, I couldn't even buy groceries. Everyone we reached out to for help (orgs meant to help military) said that we didn't qualify because we didn't have kids. I was actually told that we didn't "constitute an emergency" because we didn't have children. It was awful to think that we couldn't pay our house payment and that didn't count. There are a lot of things like that that are the same whether you are active duty or reserve.
I'm with you, also as an active duty wife without children. On some bases, Army Community Services may have a group for wives w/o children but I am an older spouse and this may sound like an excuse but have just found it easier to be reclusive and explore my own interests and friends apart from the military after having lived the AD life for 12 years now.
Great and truthful list! I am a Navy Reserve spouse and have experienced all of this. My only difference is that for us, paying for Tricare is more than 75% cheaper than getting our health insurance through either of our jobs, so we feel lucky to have that option.
My husband was active duty for 10 years then went civilian. However, 7 years ago he became a reservist. We experienced both sides. As active, he was sent to Germany only months after we were married, spent 2 years there then straight to the Gulf War for 6 months. We spent 85% of our first 3 years of marriage in different countries! He missed as many family events as a reservist. With reserve weekends on Father's Day. When I was 9 months pregnant with our 3rd child, he got orders to Iraq. He left 4 days after her birth, missing her entire 1st year of life. This was bittersweet for us because we tried for 6 years to get pregnant again & are unable to have anymore children. We pay $200/month plus copays for Tricare Reserve insurance with the first $3000 going towards the deductible which we never reach so $5400/yr out of pocket. Many doctors don't accept Tricare Res & we had to change doctors we've gone to for years. Commissary prices have skyrocketed. I save more shopping sales & using double coupons at civilian stores. I couldn't find any military charity that would help us while my reservist husband was deployed, nor could I find where to sign up to be one of the families to be helped.
I have to disagree with some of these. I was married to a reservist, and am now married to an active duty service member. My ex-husband got allotments for uniforms, he rarely used all that he got and would use it for other things, since he didn't update most of his uniforms. My current husband also gets an allotment for uniforms, but what he gets is laughable compared to what he has to spend on the uniforms he has to wear everyday.
I truly never felt much like a military wife with my first husband; he went off did his thing and came back. He rarely missed any events, and it had comparatively little impact on my life other than being a single mom for a while. There were of course stresses, but considering the retirement, I wasn't worried. As a spouse to an active duty service member, my entire life revolves around what the Navy needs. My job, secondary, the kids, secondary, needs of the the Navy, period. I'm not complaining, I knew what I was signing on for and think he's worth it, but it's a truly difficult role. When I was married to a reservist, I had no clue what active duty wives sacrificed.
Alot of the issue with missing events and such, depends on the reservist and how seriously they take their job. My husband (now a retired Command Master Chief) took his Navy career as serious if not more than his civilian career. He missed ALOT of family events. I'm not complaining either….but OUR lives also revolved around what the Navy needed. Like I said….It depends on the reservist!
I do think the Tricare Reserve Select plan being more expensive than your civilian employer insurance or not depends on where you work. For us, it was half the monthly premium for our whole family, and the copays were less than the insurance my husband's civilian job provided. Plus, my son and I got our eye exams covered, where we didn't have that before. I'm sure it also depends on where you live. We lived in an area saturated with military retirees, so many of the doctors would take Tricare. More remote areas may be harder to find participating providers.
Well said. It just shows that this list is one of myths from this ONE spouse's perspective. And we do love multiple perspectives here, so thank you so much for sharing :-)
My background is Guard/ Active duty/Guard/IRR. I am a Veteran because of my active duty time and Time in Saudi Arabia. My husband when we married was a prior enlisted BUT Newly commissioned Officer. My husband served for OVER 18 before he became recognized as a veteran. Why? because he had only done active duty for training, weekend drills etc. But it was not until after 9/11 he deployed on orders in support of OIF was that recognized. Believe me this was hard. I was a veteran from my small stent on active duty and trip to Saudi. What was hardest is my active duty counterparts did not like the fact I was married to an officer and so that made it rough me as enlisted. But as far as time commitment, Many treated my husbands Guard duty and civilian job as less than my active duty. There were plenty of times I missed things for my husband on his weekend drill because of an FTX and the kids had to go to Daycare for the weekend. Please understand every reserve/guard unit is DIFFERENT some are more active and do more period. For those of you who never were involved or knew anything that was by your spouses choice and yours. I had many soldiers who told me a as the FRG Leader their spouses were not interested and DO NOT contact them. So turn to your spouse and ask them that question, but I am probably preaching to the choir because you are here reading this. NO my husband does not get an allotment for clothing each year, Only when he deploys and that is every other deployment. If I remember right only Initally do new officers get an allotment and the lower enlisted. Officers must generally maintain their uniforms as their Command says on their own dime. My life revolves around my husbands military and civilian job both are on call, the military calls when they need him we gear up into deployment mode and then when he is home he is oncall 24/7/365 no holiday pay either, BUT he makes a whole lot more and they take care of during deployment.
As far as training the real difference is in the reserves you do not have time for showboating and recognition of every nationality, except America it seems. They must train hard and fast and the hours are late, somtimes all night. I respect the hi speed always on the go units. It is the units who choose not to train that are giving those who are the silent professionals a bad name.
My husband has returned from his 6th deployment and now we are fighting to get him taking care of because of budgets cuts. Is this the way we thank those who served?
We understand all four sides of the issue. Thank you for your article. Maybe my comments have helped
Well written! As the spouse of a sailor who served as a reservist for 20 yrs, I totally hear what you are saying!
It takes a special person to do what Reservist and Guardsman do. Balancing Family, Civilian Job, and Reserves is like a 3 legged stool – If one is weak or breaks the others will suffer. I was fortunate enough to do 39+ years of Active Duty and Reserves – I have always been proud of the citizen military. I was asked by the press a few years ago – "How can you tell the difference between Active and Reserve/Guard forces. I said to look around and you tell me the difference – There is none – We are the most comat ready, best educated, best equipped force in the history of the world. The reason we are strong is most of us can work that three legged stool – if not we try to help those that are having trouble. We are all ONE GREAT FIGHTING FORCE & FAMILY and accept all challenges. Proud to have served and still miss it.
screw you guys that think active duty has it harder. i had way more time with my family then. I have to work 3 jobs just to support my family now that i'm in the guard.
Active is much harder and anyone that says otherwise is ignorant
As someone who has been active duty Marine Corps,Army National Guard,and Air Force Reserve I have to say that you are the one who is ignorant. As active duty you are on or near the base. As active duty you get payed to stay inshape. As active duty you get to eat live and breathe military. Its your only job and its easier and more convinent to handle. If you or us are deployed then we are in the same boat.
I am a reserve wife and our biggest problem is my husband finding a regular civilian job. There are very few companies out there who want to hire reservists. Finding a job is very difficult on it's own these days, but being a reservist makes it twice as hard. The government uses them more now than ever before. It's not fair that our men and women are good enough to keep us safe and keep our freedom, but not good enough to give a regular job.
i am retired navy reserve if i told you some of the things i had done to me you would call me a lier. i will always love the navy but some of the people i am not to happy about
You can't be a professional combatant and be a civilian at the same time.
@Winston that is what makes being a Reservist or Reservist family so difficult. No you can't, but you are expected to fight and mission first… Period. I have seen so many struggles of reserve families when civilian employers either choose not to support or can't support the absences of Soldiers due to training or deployments. Reservists are supposed to be protected from that sort of thing, but truth is employers get crafty with reasons for termination. You have to work a civilian job in the Reserves unless you're
Iucky enough that your spouse can pick up the lose ends. In my case I am married to an Active Duty member and I myself was a Guardsman (and then a Reservist when transferring became a big issue) and we have a toddler. I was not allowed by my own unit to deploy because of the strain it would put on my husband's active duty job and our daughter, and then I get the attitude that I am not as skilled, or useful as my active duty counterparts. Anyone I hear feeding that line is more than welcome to a lengthy discussion from me about the unique challenges of being a reservist. My unit deploys every 3 years, my husband's every 3 years, with the added work on my part of finding new slots and a new job, new sitters every time we PCS. I have been trying for over a year to be transferred closer from our last PCS, which means that I am hopping a 9 hour flight every drill weekend and training period. I have also been unable to find a job in that time, even with the Active Duty spouse benefits that I get. Anyway, Active duty and Reserves are both equally as challenging, so people should start trying to understand that the Reserves and Guard function the way the way they do for very good reasons, although personnel tracking, paperwork, training equipment, and investment in leadership training are certainly areas of much needed improvement. The Reserve and Guard components just don't have the time or money to train as necessary without becoming activated or else denying Soldiers much needed benefits lost from civilian jobs. But these components are necessary unless you want Active Duty Soldiers and families to pay a much higher price, which I am in a unique position to also be paying.
There is also a myth that you are only covered by SGLI on drill weekends or AT. The insurance premiums which are deducted from pay every month cover reservists 24/7. We have had this argument with seemingly knowledgeable persons in the Chain of Command and always the SGLI representatives respond with reservists are covered 24/7 even at their civilian work place and home.
The fact that the priums are the same price for active and reserve should tell you something but it seems people always need reassurance.
I agree with you, when I was AD (Army) back in the early 90's during Desert Storm my thoughts of Reservists were skewed. I thought they were untrained, low disciplined individuals who would go to the "field" and party. I have since learned otherwise, and am now an E-8 in the Army Reserves with almost 22 years in.
The Reserve force has changed dramatically in the way we deploy, but at times we bring so much more to the table. We bring civilian experience that most AD members do not have, I am an engineer in my civilian career, and I know so many Reservists with college degrees and working for Fortune 500 companies.
Unfortunately as you pointed out, the Reserve system is lacking. I can't tell you how many times I almost got out due to not getting paid for a drill weekend or a three week long school. In the Reserves, we are able to DX, or trade in damaged or worn uniforms, but not being around an AD post definitely has it's disadvantagesmost of which you pointed out.
Great article, well written.
When I was in the AF Reserve, we went on a deployment to Travis AFB, CA. We were to replace the active duty forces so that they could take leaves and such. They sneered and snickered at us, thinking that we would fall on our faces. During the 2 weeks, we ended up doing their jobs twice as good as they did. They ended up being reprimanded for letting a lowly Reserve unit show them up! It was great!
have a 3 year olds I joined because I wanted to be part of so and the service in my country and I knew what I was getting into how when I was free mobile face down I had a degenerating lower back muscles in th when I was free mobile face down I had a degenerating lower back muscles in the spine and giving in marble discharge because I wasn’t any use a and giving in marble discharge because I wasn’t any use a military anymore I was in there for 3 years took I took my job very seriously an honor to defend country well during my cutie time did did my cat follow orders in my sergeants always count on me to get things done which I did I like since for everything I possibly could 2 and a half ton of the tractor trailers bulldozers loaders I was very disappointed that the army would cut me loose I wanted to stay in but they said because I was not deployable so I get my time now I consider myself a service better and not a combat veterans day service better but unfortunately that the reserves in the if you don’t have any active duty your not you didn’t do anything but I’m trying to change that now for all the p eople get served in the reserves and active duty we can even get a tooth brush from the va
Tom, please wait until the pain meds wear off before commenting. No one can understand you (without punctuation, capitalization, etc.)
Thank goodness. I was afraid it was my brain going sideways! LOL
The clothing allotment is an interesting subject. When I was active I received a clothing allotment. As a civilian required to wear a suit every day I do not get one from my employer. What gives I wear out clothes just like active duty. another benefit the public never sees that all think they deserve like the housing tax free allotments ( I hauled in 2600/month) while deployed in Iraq benefit. Stop the I sacrifice talk the benefits are so far above when I first joined the Corps as a Pvt in 1967 a fter 40 years I think I have a goodidea about sacrifice and do not see a whole bunch when you all signed up for the dance.
Good article by someone living the life. I thought it was pretty factual and not whiny or complaining. The Guard and Reserves have really stepped up in the last 10 years. Hard to keep a good civilian career going when your employer knows you are going to be gone quite a bit, no matter what the law says. Some empl
oyers are real good, some are not. My current job takes me around a lot of National Guard units. I'm very impressed by the quality of the people.
I believe there are many challenges for Reservists/Guardsmen and their families, not the least of which is that the families will frequently not even know each other, and they miss out on a lot of the support systems built into active duty.
The bottom line is that workups and deployments are tough on families, no matter active or reserve. Kudos to all, especially the family members of both in the last 10 years. USMC Retired
I would disagree with the cost of health insurance in Myth 1. I use the TRICARE Reserve Select for my family healthcare and it is far cheaper than purchasing my company health care plan. Also, since most premiums have gone up with the implementation of ObamaCare, the TRICARE Reserve Select has only gone up slightly. Even with TRICARE Reserve Select I can choose to use my own service provider with no co-pays or I can go to a military service provider if there is space available. I highly recommend considering TRICARE Reserve Select when looking at your healthcare options.
As a new Guard Wife I first must say Thank you for this!! Most of what is out there is for AD spouses and was starting to feel alone (even though I know I"m not) because all the spouses that I have come close to during these training days are all AD (and LOVES to shove that in my face). Nobody really wants to or knows how to try and explain the whole guard thing to me. When I do ask for advise/help they all act like they have better things to do, even our own FRG. TRICARE takes up all but 72 Cents! But is better than other insurance in our area. And then we still have to pay for gas to get him to and from the armory (over 2 hours away) and then because of the early mornings or late nights have to get a hotel room. But we didnt go into this for the money but for the Love and Freedom of this Country! I say we because we were already married before he started to join the Guard. Maybe when his 6 months waiting period ends and he can go AD if he decided to I can better understand the differences but as for now, I'll just say that AD has far more support that Guards have and needs! I do hope that this changes! Final saying, as far as spouses and education there shouldnt be a difference between AD and Guard, a spouse is a spouse no matter what!
Being a wife of an active duty marine for 13 years who is now a reservist I have to say this article is very whinny. While some of the ideas are very real some are not accurate. I am so very very thankful for the Tricare Select Reserve. To purchase equivalent civilian insurance would have been almost triple and they still would have been lacking. If you are in decent range of a base you do have access to almost as much as an active duty family, which shocked my because I thought we wouldn't when transitioning to the reserves.
And to say you will never watch your husband get pinned is not about being a reservist, that is your choice if you never do. And as far as the extra benefits, deployments, missing amity events….that's what and active duty or reservist signs up for. They know what they getting themselves into when they sign up so I don't see how this is a valid point. There is a difference between active and reserves. You can't expect to do less work and get the same benefits, and that's coming from a spouse that has seen both sides. I would never whine about not getting the same benefits that an active duty has simply for the fact that I know life as an active duty family is much rigorous then that of a reservist. And to gripe about being gone….please don't go there if you haven't experienced the life of being active duty. For the first five years of my marriage my husband was away 3 years, 9 months, and 21 days BUT I knew what I was getting into and never complained.
And as far as not feeling supported while your husband is deployed is all in a personal outlook and definitely should not be put in an overall assumption of how a spouse feels when they loved o e is deployed. I know many of active duty wives that leave to go " home" with their family for support rather than staying in the military community
Great post! You are right, each of us even if we are the same state and branch all get different results! I am told one thing my Friend goes in and asked the same question only gets a different answer. So no matter your status (active/reserve) or Branch we all have the same red fruit just may not all be apples! ;)
Oh my word, I so needed this right now! I just missed my hubby getting pinned for corporal, we just dropped a bunch of money on new uniforms and tailoring, and I was wondering if we were the only ones??!! I support our military, but as a USMC reservist spouse, they make me so angry as well.
You sound just like me, we won't celebrate our Anniversary till our 3rd yr also, and about 5 months into our marriage he left. The 2 yrs that we have been married he has been home for 7 months of it. He had to go to A School which was 7 months and then other training for 3 months now he's deployed. I agree because I don't have other spouses around me that understand what i'm going through. Being in the Reserves is very rough then he has to come home and go back to drilling and a civilian job. I never thought it was the same as being active but then I kinda think in some ways its harder.
I remember shopping in the BX for items to go on a deployment. Another guy saw me and said "Ha! I joined the Reserves to get out of having to do that!". My comment back to him was "Yeah…so did I!!"
I think the big picture item here is whether Active, Guard or Reserve, you volunteered. It was a choice. And to complain about who has what better or worse than the other is ridiculous. If you don't like what you do, get out. End of story. But the military- no matter what status, is supposed to be a team, and the comments on this thread pretty demonstrate ZERO team work. it's disappoint to read so many comments from so many disgruntled "volunteers." it's hard to be appreciative of your service and sacrifice when all you're doing is trying to one up on who has it worse. Suck it up and drive on, people, or hang up your uniform and call it a day.
When I was active duty, my first deployment was with a Reservist team. At first glance, you thought these guys were incompetant, and partied all the time, couldn't hold a candle to active duty soldiers. But as soon as we hit the ground they reactivated their old contacts in Baghdad, and got operations running in no time. They knew their stuff, and were professional (for the most part) when the time was needed. Nethertheless they got high marks all around, it was a great learning experience.
As a retired reservist I have alot to say. First, we did not join because of the pay, the bene`s or promise of regular promotions. We do it because we wanted to serve, and the rest, well. Be prepared to be called away, and in these economic times, look for chances to volunteer to go. Some employers will be spiteful and some hold it over you. ALL IN ALL I SPENT 20 YEARS, I WOULD NOT TRADE A DAY FOR A MILLION BUCKS BUT I WOULD SELL A DAY FOR ONE DOLLAR.
The reserve center I came from had several congressionals, several changes of command (some forced, some early), all due to the lack of support for the reservists. The units there took care of there own business and as the C.O. once said they are only there if we were to get mobed. This is not the norm for all branches, just beware, do your own leg work, go in for a visit, ask, watch, listen. In all I was mobed for Desert Storm & OIF. Total time spent overseas was 4yrs 2 mos. Five rows of cabbage and proud of each.
I was asked once if I would do it again? I said _ _ ck ya, in a heart beat. Myths, some are true, like does the active side treat reserves like like step children during their 2 weeks? some. Do the reserves compete with the active side for promo`s? yes. Is there the same tolerance for less than outstanding physical readiness? no. Because of the employment situation today even reservists are an expendable commodity. When it comes time to retire, reservists do not draw the benefit right away, you wait until age 60, take the spousal benefit, remember your spouse has spent the same 20 years and deserves it if you die.
ALL IN ALL, GO DO IT, HAVE FUN, AND COVER YOUR OWN SIX.
If you want to confuse everyone…discuss the AGR component.
I was married to an AGR ANG Soldier with 22 years in service as AGR + 4 years AD USMC. No one quite understands what AGR is.
I am an active duty female and I do a mans job and I accept it. You don't have it that bad suck it up.