The other day I was talking to a friend about personality types, and she asked me if I had ever taken a personality assessment. I know I took the Myers-Briggs a couple of times in college, but that was a million years ago, so I thought I’d find an online version and test my adult self.
The test told me what I already know: I am an introvert.
That’s right, I’m shy. I’m not comfortable in crowded social situations, especially when I’m surrounded by more strangers than acquaintances. I’d much rather listen in the background than stand in the spotlight. If given the choice between attending a social event at which I don’t know most of the guests and staying home to read a book, the book will always win. And my definition of relaxation typically involves being alone.
Those aren’t exactly personality traits that lend themselves to military life. As military spouses, we’re constantly moving, saying good-bye to friends and meeting new people. When we’re not moving, our husbands are deploying, leaving us alone on the home-front to fend for ourselves. We need to get out there, socialize, commiserate, form support systems. We can’t hide out at home and read books. We can’t be introverts.
My best friend is the walking definition of an extrovert. Since I’ve known her, she has pushed me (sometimes literally) outside my comfort zone and forced me to shed some my introversion tendencies. Without her and the other handful of extroverted mil spouses I’ve met along the way, I wouldn’t have the network of friends I have now, those mil spouses who have become the support system I rely on. I would probably still be home reading a book, wondering how anyone could possibly enjoy being a military spouse.
I do think it takes a certain personality to be a military spouse. This job isn’t for the weak. We need to be adaptable, independent, adventurous, patient, mentally tough. And yes, a touch of extroversion helps.
I’d like to think I’ve got most of those personality traits covered, which is why I’ve lasted as long as I have as a mil spouse. As far as extroversion, I’m just thankful for my friends who let me borrow some of theirs every now and then.
What kind of personality do you think it takes to be a MilSpouse?
About Heather Sweeney
Comments
This is certainly an interesting topic. My one quibble here is that you seem to have conflated introversion with shyness. The two are not synonyms. I am most definitely an introvert; I am not remotely shy.
Where one falls on the introvert/extrovert spectrum has a lot more to do with how one is "energized." An introvert is "energized" by being alone and can find time with crowds to be draining; even if she enjoys the time spent with other people; she needs alone time to "recharge" her mental batteries afterwards.
An extrovert, on the other hand, gets her energy from being around other people and might feel drained if forced to spend time without that interaction. This fundamental difference is the root of a great deal of misunderstanding between extroverts and introverts. Since an 'E' feels energized by social interaction, it could be hard for her to grasp how much it drains an 'I'. As an 'I', I have a tough time wrapping my head around the fact that some people get antsy and unhappy when they're left alone with only their own company — something essential to my personal balance and sense of well-being. It's hard to imagine what's going on in the head of someone whose basic wiring is that different.
The article "Caring for Your Introvert" by Jonathan Rauch is an enlightening (if somewhat tongue-in-cheek) look at the subject of introversion: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/…
To the Nth, loved the article you mentioned. I am also an introvert and this is the first I've read about the positives.
In regards to the question of personality types in relation to being a military spouse, I believe that strong independence is the most desirable trait for a milspouse. In terms of lasting longer that 1 enlistment, that is. Over the past 23 years, I have met all types, but when taking to those spouses who are "seasoned", independence is highly visible. I also see the ability to keep things in perspective when dealing with military-life situations and to not take things personally. An additional trait I see is the ability to take control of their lives no matter what hurdles the military places in front of them. They have been both introverts and extroverts and I think those personality traits have the greatest bearing on the size of support network that is needed to deal with military life.
Heather,
Where ever I am and I am asked what I do, I state what "I" do, then I add that my husband is in the military and then the conversation moves to, moving. I am told over and over again "I could not do that" and yes, at that point, they are correct, they could not do that. Not with that attitude. When I state I have moved eleven times in twenty years, jaws drop, sometimes even mine. It takes a lot to be a mil spouse today. I too, am an introvert, so I know what it is like to move and not want to leave the house, but alas, I make myself leave and join something somewhere just so I can belong for a short while. We are more independent, adaptable, resourceful, and mentally tough. I also like to think that we are contributors, we contribute to our communities and into each other's lives as we weave our way through our journey. This too shall pass and we shall be the stronger for it, and oh what a journey we have had!
I'm somewhat of an introvert myself, which is why I love blogging since it doesn't require me to be surrounded by a crowed. I used to be much much worse, though. I have been forced out of my shell so many times since marrying my husband that I can actually handle meeting new people, going to FRG meeting, and attending Balls. But if I had to choose between obsessing over my blog or going to a function, I'd pick my blog every time :)
it does not but it takes a certain mind set to be a milspouse
I'm an extrovert, but I've had so many friendship burns that I'm reserved about getting into friendships.
MILITARY SPOUSE SHOULD BE DEDICATED AND REMEMBER THE SUFFERING OF THEIR SPOUSES AND NOT LIVE IT UP WHILE THEY ARE AWAY AND BY ALL MEANS BE FAITHFUL IF YOU REALLY WON'T TO STAY A MILITARY SPOUSE . THE SPOUSE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE MISSION AND NOT THE SPOUSE. IF THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE MAKE SURE IT IS GOD . THE ONE THAT CAN KEEP YOU STRONG AND FAITHFUL.
Fact: The majority of people will not read a paragraph in ALL-CAPS. I didn't read it, so quit yelling.