Choosing to marry someone is a big decision. Choosing to marry someone in the military complicates things even more. Especially when you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.
I grew up in a Coast Guard family. My father, mom, sister and I have lived all over North America: Alaska, California, Hawaii, Maryland, and Connecticut. My earliest memories come from Honolulu, where my dad would leave for months at a time on a ship. I remember missing him – to a three-year-old, a few months away seems like a lifetime. Other memories include getting ready for homecomings, complete with crafting leis, dressing up, and making posters. There was also that one time my sister had her birthday party on a buoy tender — quite a hit with the other kids.
My dad is a great man who served the Coast Guard over 30 years. It’s not his fault that he moved us around, but I do admire the way my mom handled all the stress.
It couldn’t have been easy to move to Hawaii with two children under five years old, especially with my dad called to sea before the moving shipment even arrived (two months late). Nor was it easy to parent two pre-teen girls while her husband was in Canada mapping icebergs to prevent another tragedy like the Titanic. She regretted gthat we didn’t see our relatives as often as other children. Oh, and forget about her career – she gave it up to be a full-time mom and take care of everything during his absences.
When I got to be older and my dad had retired, I was grateful for my experiences as a military brat. However, I looked at all the sacrifices our family made, and the stress my mom endured as a Coastie wife, and I swore off ever marrying someone in the military. I mean, who would want that?
Moving every few years? I wanted to become a dietitian and open up my own nutrition practice.
Your spouse being shipped off at the government’s whim? I wanted a husband that would stick around.
Basically, I desired stability and predictability in my future.
Fast forward: When I met my now-husband Andrew at the University of Maryland (go Terps!) I was attracted to him because he was kind, smart, and so much fun … not to mention easy on the eyes.
Turns out he was also in planning to go into the Army.
As our relationship progressed, I knew I wanted to be with him, but I was so scared: Scared of his commitment to the US Army. Scared to potentially re-enter the military lifestyle. Scared of the inevitable absences, and the fact that as an Army soldier in wartime, he would likely be sent to a combat zone.
Plus, on a lighter note, I liked living near the water. Oklahoma? El Paso? Not quite as beach-y.
Falling in love with Andrew was easy; accepting his sense of duty and his desire to serve was not. I soon realized, however, the qualities that make him a great soldier are some of the same reasons I love him. After all, he is responsible, loyal, caring of others, and so hardworking.
I finally understood why my California-loving, career-driven mom gave it all up when she married my dad and moved with him to Alaska: because it’s worth it when you find your “one.” Your spouse is committing himself (or herself) to something bigger, for the good of others. And you contribute by supporting him (or her), even if it means making sacrifices of your own.
Nothing in life is easy. So far, my relationship with my husband hasn’t exactly been a cakewalk, especially as we gear up for a deployment. But life with him in the Army is 2,398,423,457 times better than life without him at all, and I’m keeping a positive attitude and an open mind.
I suppose I have sort of an advantage since I grew up around the military and I’m already familiar with what the lifestyle entails. But now, I’m learning first-hand what it takes to fulfill my new role: a military spouse. My mom has certainly inspired me, and I hope I can do the same for my future children.
Did you grow-up in the military? How did it influence your decision to become a MilSpouse.
About Chrissy Vimini RD
Comments
My grandfather is a World War II vet, a Marine like my husbad. Although my poppy was long retired before I was born (heck before my mon was born) I remember him always in uniform in parades and doing events with the VFW.
I never thought I’d marry a man in the military but I fell in love and boom. Here I am! I don’t know how I’d have done it without my Poppy. When my husband first deployed I was on the phone with him and he calmed me down. Anytime I have a question or need him my poppy is there.
I may not be a military brat but I am a military grandbrat and I wouldn’t have it any other way! It definitely makes a difference.
As an Army brat with 2 siblings in the Army including an older brother I adore, I have always been a bit partial to those in uniform. I never thought for one minute that I would fall head over heels in love with the most amazing man I could have ever wanted. And yes it is hard but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I was an Army brat. My dad served 32 years. The only time I've been with out an ID card was 2 years between college and National Guard service for me. Then I met my husband and am living an AF life. I love it! The new places, new houses and new people. While it does get harder as parents age (thank goodness siblings live close to them) I wouldn't trade this life for anything!
I was an Air Force brat with a pilot dad who was gone on trips for most of my childhood. I really never saw myself continuing on with the military lifestyle. Then I met that handsome man with the High and tight haircut on an airplane 2 and a half years ago who turned out to be a Marine. Sometimes I feel like God put him right in my lap. My upbringing prepared me for the lifestyle, stresses, PCS but it was a completely different experience during the deployment as the significant other. Those 7 months were rough but I was able to go to my mom for support and words of wisdom because I know she has been through what I was going through! I wouldn’t trade him or our life for anything in the world !!!!
Exactly. Sometimes life turns out in unexpected ways but I agree, I wouldn't have it any other way. In some ways I am prepared in my new role as a military spouse, and others I'm not, but it's so nice that my mom is there to support me and knows how I feel. And since I grew up with my father being called to duty, it's easier to accept that my husband isn't necessarily choosing the Army over me. I already knew not to take it personally when he works long hours or goes out to the field forever – it's just part of the territory, which I've been familiar with :) Thanks for the comments!
I was always told that I would play second fiddle to the Army and that I would be a mistress and the Army his wife. That isn’t the case at all. You significant other isn’t necessarily choosing the military over you.
My father was Army ten years. My step-father retired out of the Marines at 21 years. A cousin I admired and looked up to as a brother was Navy for 14 years. I married Air Force. What was I thinking? I remember Colorado with my father in K-Mart (Korea, but I was two, so K-Mart lol). Five years in Germany with my father gone monthly for Wall duty before it came down. No way I wanted to go threw all that…. But here I am. Ten years into my husband’s 15 year mark. Movie night on the king size bed when dad is gone, Anime marathons and popcorn. A stuffed military dog in the arms of the youngest. Dad’s dog tags become the older three’s necklace of choice. I swore, once I handed in my ID on my 19th birthday, that I would have nothing to do with the military…. Then 13 days after my 20th birthday, I put a freshly printed and sealed spouses ID in my wallet…. Life and love is very funny. You never know who you will fall in love with.