I’m going to tell you a story that sounds like it can’t possibly be true. But I promise, it is. This is happening to one military family right now.
When the Combes family – Matt, Shawnna and their kids — were stationed at Joint Base Lewis McChord in Washington State, they lived across the street from an older German woman and former military spouse who occasionally babysat for them. When they found out that her home was riddled with toxic mold they invited her to stay with them. She never left.
They call her “Oma.”
Oma’s husband divorced her after over 18 years of marriage, leaving her just short of qualifying for TRICARE as a divorcee — a situation many former military spouses have found themselves in. When they discovered she had ovarian cancer the family looked to the state, a cancer support charity and their savings account to help cover the costs.
When the Combes PCSed to Fort Campell, Ky. they took Oma with them (of course). She helped Shawnna have a baby while Matt was deployed. And in a community where no kid has an Oma of his own nearby, she is everyone’s adopted grandma.
She isn’t just the Combe’s Oma. She is our Oma.
But Oma’s cancer has come back. No longer just in her ovaries, it has spread throughout her entire body. TRICARE does not cover her, the state has denied her and cancer charity after cancer charity has turned her away for one reason or another. Shawnna has maxed out seven credit cards trying to pay medical costs. Last month when Oma was prescribed four day’s worth of antibiotics the cost of them – over $150 – came out of Shawnna’s shallow pocket. The family is sitting on a mound of medical debt at $200,000 and growing.
You always hear politicians say people are choosing between groceries and life saving medications. And you always think “yeah, that doesn’t happen.” At least I know I do.
But it’s happening right now to a military family. Right now, at Fort Campbell, a military family is basing their grocery choices off what money they have after they pay for hundreds of dollars of unsubsidized cancer medications.
This is our community. As military families we know that we cannot survive the battles life gives us – deployment, injury, emotion – without the support of our friends and the family we create for ourselves along our journey.
This family needs our help. This is just as much about fighting the cost of cancer as it is about fighting cancer itself. Shawnna, Matt and their brood of military kids should not be punished because they love someone not even related to them enough to literally pay anything to keep her alive.
This isn’t about politics, elections, campaigns or health care policy. This is about DOING something for a very real, struggling military family.
Click here to donate to Team Oma and help fight, Fight, FIGHT. Crying “Uncle” isn’t in the DNA of military families. We can’t let cancer and the cost of fighting it win this one.
What will you do to help? Visit Team Oma’s page now to contribute.
About Amy Bushatz
Comments
This is so sad. I will be sharing this with the hope that my friends are as generous as they claim to be. We have to stick together as military families and help each other. I hope everyone who reads this is willing to donate something, even if it's $10.
Very sad. There is medicaid social security disability etc. What was this family thinking? Now they are indebted to debt bondage for life with five kids? Bad judgement !
Oma is just as much a member of their family as any one of those kids. Medicaid has denied them. Medicare only pays a portion. They were thinking "we would do no less for anyone else we loved."
Possible solution…if the family adopts Oma, she will be a Tricare entitled patient. Adoption should cost about $500.00. Of course, once she is their dependent, they might become liable for her $200,000 past medical bills.
I believe they have looked into this. I'm not sure, but the hold back may be that Oma has children of her own who are not taking care of her. Again, I'm not sure.
@ goathappymeh….bad judgement? Are you serious? This amazing family took in a woman they cherrish and love and you call that bad judgement? The woman was also a military wife for 18 years (can you say that?). How dare you pass judgement on what is obviously a wonderful, selfless family who wants nothing more than to take care of a beloved member of their family (and she is just as much family to them as if they shared the same DNA). I pray that you are never stricken with the ugly monster known as cancer. But I also pray that if you are, someone cares enough about you that they are willing to go in to debt to keep you alive.
I consider your response to goathappymeh harsh. If I had to make a choice between meeting the needs of my children and helping out a family friend, I would choose my kids. I would not want to put myself in the position where I lose everything and we have to live in our car. Yeah, it's not the politically correct answer here, but my kids come first.
@Amy, Oma is not like one of their kids, she is an adult with her own familiy and does not have to depend on the care of this military couple for survival like their kids do. We bring children into the world and it is our responsibility to care for them until they become adults.
They have done a wonderful thing by giving her shelter and by being there for her, but do their children need to sacrifice their basic necessities to accomodate their good intentions?
While kids first is agreed upon, let's not forget that "family" isn't just flesh and blood. Flesh and blood can betray as easily as a stranger, while strangers can come together and become closer than flesh and blood. Just ask a Marine. And like Marines, military families can form likewise- between separate families themselves, as is the case here. One women, abandonned by her husband, was adopted- they came together as one. The real point of this article is that the true tragedy is two-fold:
1) This is but 1 example. There are many others in which this same decision is being forced, in which the meds may not be for an adopted family member, but one of there own- in truly sad cases, one of the children. What is your opinion then? Sacrifice the child needing the meds so the others may survive? Such thinking is counter-intuitive to society, our nation, and our military's base principles. If we worked on your principles (which you are entitled to and I do not dispute this) then there's no need for a military or country at all. The strongest/bullies may rule, and take what they wish, and the rest must serve them, and who cares if they die or have cancer?
2) This is a, supposedly, technologically advanced, top of the line nation and society. If so, then why, in our age of make believe money that is only good in bits and bytes and has no real-world backing, are we not able to have a healthcare plan for all our citizens which does not require any family unit- regardless of whether it consists of 1 individual (Oma) or 8 (Oma and her adopted family)- to choose between food and medical care? Why, if we are such a great nation, do our most of our citizens have this choice to make to begin with?
If it was one of the children, then do whatever possible to save the child. My point is we are not talking about a child, we are talking about an adult, outside the immediate family, who can go out and find needed help. Whereas, a child is dependent upon the parent to keep them safe and whole. Also, now that they have put themselves into such a precarious position, ie. $200,000 in debt, they may find themselves unable to provide for a child that has become seriously ill. What are they going to say to their child, "I'm sorry honey, we can't pay for your life saving treatment because we are in so much debt from helping our friend and all we can do is hope that someone will help us." Me, I wouldn't put myself into this position. cont.
I grew up in a family that was deep in medical debt because of my father's ongoing illness. I know what type of sacrifices you make for your family and I don't begrudge my parents for doing everything they could to keep my dad on this earth. We needed him with us, he was my dad. Would I have felt different about going without if it was a close family friend? Yeah, I believe I would. That friend can pick up and step out of my life forever, but my dad is always my dad. This isn't a black and white situation, there are a myriad of outcomes that hinge on their present day decisions. I'm all for helping someone in need, but I will ensure that my help does not take away from my immediate family.
Yes i am serious. Do not wish any harm to me. I have a right to my opinion. Take your emotions elsewhere.
Mel, the whole point of this was to bring light to the situation and ask for help, not to judge. Hindsight is always 20/20.
And her own family isn't willing to do what this family did for her. Maybe you should actually READ THE WHOLE STORY before you comment.
I did read the whole story and I stand by my comment. I didn't judge anyone's comments until I saw Tamara's comment. My first post contained my opinion about what I consider my resposibilities to my kids and how I wouldn't allow helping a friend take necessities away from my kids. There was no stated judgement about the Combes or Oma. I also did not say anything derrogatory about them. Any judgement you saw was inferred from my difference in opinion. One final thing, I consider words written in caps to be confrontational, but I won't slam you for that since I am not positive about your intention in capitalizing those words and you may not take capitalization the same way I would.
Ashley, no where in the story did it say her own family wasn't willing to help. Maybe you should reread the story before you reply with that comment. How do you know that Oma's family hasn't been helping out or that she may have refused for them to help them out. We don't know all the facts so don't make up stuff you don't know about.
OK guys let's take a breather here. I think that Ashley actually knows Shawnna and family — and she's right, Oma's actual family is either just as unable or unwilling to help. We chose not to talk about that in the story because that's not what this is about. It's not about what her blood family is or is not doing. It's about what this family who loves her like she is their mom/grandma is doing.
Thanks for reading, commenting and, most importantly, helping.
Some people need to refer to the story from the other day about rules on commenting. This is a case of, "if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all." Come on people….
That's Sarah. PLEASE remember that REAL people — including the author (me!) and Shawnna AND Oma AND others who love them are reading what you say. And that applies for every blog post and every story you read on any website. Don't say anything in the comment section that you wouldn't say to my (or their) face if you met them in the grocery store.
I mean we are talking about a person fighting cancer here. Not pets, not parenting, CANCER. Ridiculous.
This is going to sound really silly but I actually had a nightmare last night that a commenter said to my face what they said about me on the blog … and I cried (in my dream). Yes, I have feelings, too. Sad Amy.
<pouty face> they would never! And if they did, oh well. They don't know you other than what you write about!
Thank you for this story, it will touch some people that understand and other that don’t, yes we all have opinions but when someone puts a story like this out they don’t need opinions that have negative vibes. I would hope that understanding thier situation is what we should be looking at as a “military family”. The best thing Iv’e seen over 28 + years of being in the “military family” is how we take care of our own. Thank you for the ones that understand and help this family of ours, for the others I hope you never end up in this or like situation but if you do by all mean your military family will be here for you.
Thank you again Combes family for taking care of and loving this wonderful lady.
I wish peace and healing – in my world, when you love someone like family, they ARE family, especially considering that I know/hear of many a family who should be so lucky as to love like one should.
I know Shawnna on a personal level and she is a dear friend of mine. After my husband got wounded in war we went to fort Campbell waiting to get discharged out of the military. I knew no one and had no friends. And let me tell you that she and her family are amazing! They are one of the few people that never judged me b4 they knew who I was. This family is family to my husband and I. They give to so many people with the little they have. And her family has helped my husband improve with his PTSD and everything else. They are one of the most selfless people I know and I wish there were more families that are as loving an selfless as the Combes! I love you Shawnna!!!!!! :) I had to put that cuz I know your gonna read it. Your the only true friend I have away from home :)
What a great family. God bless them. Have they considered finding Oma an nice, single Soldier husband:) Not that I'm suggesting they do anything wrong here, but come on…18 years. Where's the jerk that divorced her? Stayed married for 2 more years to help the woman out.
Wow, lots of opinions out there. It’s nice to know that there are people like the Combes. I applaude them! However I also agree with Mel in that when your children could be placed in harms way, the emphasis should be placed on your children health and safety first and foremost. I would hate to look in my children eyes and see that they knew that my choice was not them. Seems to me there should be some help in the system that hasnt been discovered for help for Oma . I do sympathize with Oma’s cancer battle as we have been fighting cancer for 1 and 1/2 years. Cancer is a nasty disease and the battle is long and not always won. There are also pro bono lawyers who could help Oma with her debt and there are cancer centers who assist is cases such as hers. I certainly will add the lovely couple Combes and Oma to my prayer list! Good luck and God speed
Donna thank you for your kind words and thoughts. They just yesterday got in with a new cancer doctor who is working with them.
If she is still a German citizen she should be able to return and qualify under the German system.
This is what I thought all along, but I didn't want anyone jumping on me thinking I was being "cold and mean". But it is true. I feel for these people, but I would have to think of my immediate family first. With that said, I would have gladly paid for a ticket home so she could get medical care in Germany.
Life as a military spouse can be precarious. As a former military spouse I found myself without health insurance when my husband left me for one of his soldiers. Not a pretty situation. I was without health insurance for over a year until I obtained a full-time job with health benefits. I am so very grateful that I was blessed with good health during this time. I know that a health crisis at that time would have been a financial disaster. I felt moved to donate to Oma for many reasons, but the main one is that we all have to have each others backs. Thanks to Shawna for helping out an Army family in need and thanks to Oma for being the support to a family who needed an extra set of hands and a live-in grandma. I wish I would have had one of those when I was miles away from my own family. I pray for your family and wish you the best!
Thanks for your kind words!
(And support — it's GREATLY appreciated)
I sure hope Oma has filed and is receiving a portion of her ex-husbands military retirement check. I know I'm going to get a lot of back lash for this but I retired after 25 years and my husband 20 years. I do not agree to every spouse getting a portion of their ex-husbands retirement checks but there are exceptions. So many men married women from another country brought them to the U.S. and then divorces them, she's been here for 18 years and someone says she should go back to Germany. Please get with it, she is probably a U.S. citizen and people should show some compassion to her. I wish them all the best.
She is :-) thanks for your kind words.
I see my comment has been removed. Truth must hurt people's feelings and we don't want to do that.
Truth is Shawnna is a great mom! Her kids are clothed and fed. If she were to boot Oma out her kids would be heart broke. She just doesn’t feed them Kraft Mac and cheese n stead she buys wal-Mart brand. People need to stop making assumptions that she is a bad mom. Her kids are perfectly healthy they just are really tight with money and cannot afford to keep up with her cancer treatments. Oma means a grea deal to not only Shawnna but her kids too. Those kids see her as there grandma so people with all the negativity just please stop! I love this family so much and I think there needs to be more people like them in this world. Thanks
Maybe I missed your comment but you should know the saying that hopefully your mother taught you. "If you don't have anything nice to say about somebody then don't say it at all".
have you reached out to the livestrong foundation to see if they could help? they are a wonderful foundation….
prayers for all of you…..
Lets go back,
Washington State Military Divorce Laws
Residency and Filing Requirements
The typical military divorce filing requirements are as follows:
- You or your spouse must reside in Washington
- You or your spouse must be stationed in Washington
Grounds for Washington Military Divorce
The grounds for a military divorce in Washington are the same as a civilian divorce.
Dividing the Property
Along with the normal Washington property division laws, the federal government has enacted the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA) that governs how military retirement benefits are calculated and divided upon divorce. The USFSPA is the governing body that authorizes a direct payment of a portion of a military retirees pay to the former spouse.
The federal laws will not divide and distribute any of the military members retirement to the spouse unless they have been married 10 years or longer while the member has been active duty military.
She might need a better Lawyer and still can file for former spouse.