Every week SpouseBuzz gets email from women who think they have met Mr. Right. Mr. Right is in the U.S. military. Mr. Right is stationed in Afghanistan. Mr. Right needs money. Sheryldine recently wrote:
He was on leave to come over to Australia to organise our wedding. The plane he was on was diverted to Malaysia. When I received an email from a doctor needing information on my husband and his fellow soldier that was also coming to my country to marry a friend of mine. We were planning a double wedding. But since the car accident we have little information. We are stressed to the max not knowing how they are doing. Please, please help.
How do you tell Sheryldine and her friend that they are not in relationships with U.S. servicemen? Instead they are being scammed by someone like the mother daughter pair recently arrested in Denver. Tracy and Karen Vasseur allegedly scammed 374 victims out of more than $1 million by claiming to be military members stationed overseas.
Although the online scammer is notoriously skilled at creating an online relationship, there are some ways to tell whether the service member you “know” is a scammer.
1. He asks you for money. Really, you do not need to read any further than that. If your online love asks you for money to buy a laptop so he can write to you more, or an international phones so he can talk to you more, or an airline ticket so you can be together, never click on his message again. If service members need to borrow money, they will ask their buddy or their mom or NFCU—not the woman they want to impress.
2. His commanding officer asks you for money. If you get a request for money to pay for leave papers from the command, it’s a scam. No one can buy leave. Besides, commanding officers do not write internet girlfriends. Ever. Unless they are, in fact, scammers.
3. Claims to be a Navy SEAL, an Army Ranger or Delta Force. These three military jobs are often claimed falsely—not just by internet scammers, but by everyday Americans.
4. Deploys for any period over one year. Although some deployments can last as long as 15 months, no one deploys for two or three years. No one.
5. Address provided is not an APO or FRO address. Military members overseas get their mail through their unit’s address that features APO or FPO where the city and state usually are in a normal address. If they claim to be deployed and offer an address that is not an APO or FPO, they are not in the military.
6. Claims he cannot receive letters in the mail. Service members can and do receive mail–sometimes it is sporadic, but they do get it. If your online love asks you to send a money to a third party address, don’t do it. And reread #1.
7. Asks you to marry him within weeks of your online relationship. You might wish that you had an instant bond and he might tell you that you are made for each other, but real love doesn’t happen like that. Red flag!
8. Sends you a marriage certificate and swears the two of you are married and that you should start planning the ceremony.
9. Offers to transfer into the military of your country so he can be with you and his kids. Not gonna happen.
10. You suspect he is a scammer. Your gut tells you that this person is too good to be true and that he should not be asking you for money. Follow your gut. Stand up from your keyboard. Call someone who can help you figure out why you want to believe this obvious scammer is telling you the truth.
If you do think you are being scammed by someone posing as a military member, please report it. Our customer service representatives at Military.com suggest that if this is being done by email, report it to your local law enforcement office as well as register an Internet Crime Complaint form, found on the FBI’s website at: http://www.ic3.gov/
http://www.justice.gov/criminal/fraud/
About Jacey Eckhart
Comments
Also – military emails .mil – i.e., john.smith@us.(branch).mil
Most military people I doubt would conduct a dating relationship from their work email address, just like most civilians wouldn't do that. My fiance and I, who I know in real life -ha-ha, use his personal email account. I wouldn't dream of sending anything personal to his military account. So I wouldn't use that as a guide for whether or not they are scammers. But if it was an attempt to make it look like a military email address and it didn't fit this critieria, then that's definitely a red flag.
I get scammers in my spam mail all the time with fake military addresses. Typically, I report them to their ISP to get them banned but I'm sure other people get those emails as well. Also, if a scammer is pretending to be a commanding officer, it's logical to assume they will fake a military looking address for that purpose alone. :)
Personally I feel that any man worth having isn't going to ask you for money. Ever.
that kind of email address is an AKO address and even spouses can have those email addresses…
Thank you for writing this. It is very clear that women need to see this and be aware. I know a woman who gave tens of thousands of dollars to a guy who was a scammer. I have seen on military sites queries from women asking for verification that some scammer is actually in the military. I never thought that would happen to someone I actually knew. When I was dating I came across a few scammers. It was crazy and amazing how many of them played the "I'm in the military" game. I checked out as soon as I saw the first red flag. I feel for women who are taken in, especially in regards to marriage and money, by these criminals. I think it requires a little common sense too though on the women's parts. We are responsible for our lives and the decisions we make.
Why is “claiming to be a Navy SEAL, an Army Ranger or Delta Force” a telltale sign that he is a scammer? Is it just because being a Navy SEAL, an Army Ranger or Delta Force is so rare?
People who lie about military service lie big. According to those who hunt down Stolen Valor transgressors, people are much more likely to lie about being a member of Special Forces. Or having a Purple Heart . Or winning a Navy Cross. Or anything else you might make a movie about. They don't typically lie about being engineers or medical transcriptionists or any other of the thousands of useful and necessary positions military members hold.
There also are not that many people who actually hold those jobs. And the demands of the work are rigorous. For example, in the BUD/S training to become a Navy SEAL, not only is it hard to qualify to get into the class, but typically 70 – 80% of the class washes out. There was even a class where no one passed.
If a guy I was dating claimed Special Forces status, I would want to meet his friends in the unit. I would want to meet his mother. I would want to attend an official function. And if he claimed that wasn't possible because that stuff is all secret, I would run as fast as my little legs could carry me.
Thank you for that extra information. Obviously there are some people who have those jobs and I knew it was rare, but knowing that scammers like to go big because that’s what is commonly depicted on the tv and movies was what I needed to put the information all together. Great information.
From what I have seen over many years ,with friends and Family who are/were Seal, Delta, Ranger…they are mostly very private about being "Special Forces" and will not ever brag about it, nor will they use it for any kind of gain..so if someone is promoting themselves as Special Forces you should be at least be wary…
Some one should put this on Dear Abby (or all those advice columns) Great advice.
Can someone tell me if civilan contrators in the Army have to pay. For there own retirement claims.. To pay for the bank progess?
I have personally never, ever, heard of anyone having to pay to process their retirement packet…not for contractors, not for civilians, and the bank should have nothing to do with it. The only part the bank would have is being a place to deposit the retirement check…
Yeah… you just don't. Honestly, it amazes me that people fall for this stuff. If you've never met this person face to face… treat them as a scammer… period!
I’m a bit concern now reading this. I’m currently involved with a special force ranger. We’ve met 17 days before his deployment. We’ve been on 2 dates and he has never asked me for money, he’s always trying to spoil me, which he does. A true gentlemen that swept me off my feet. We just instantly connected and fell in love. I know it’s sounds crazy but he literally puts me on a pedestal. He’s never asked me for anything just to marry him when he gets back. He emails when he can expressing his love. My concern is that we’ve known each other in such a short time that I’ve never met anyone from his life. He flew from Bennington to see me before he deployed so he was in uniform. I have tons of pics of him in uniform also. On his uniform it has his name and special forces mountain ranger so on. My concern is that is that something for me to be worried about not meeting his family and friends yet and that he emails me sometimes once every 4-8 wks? Also that when we email we can’t disclose location, names or pics? In my heart I believe and trust him. He talks about me to his friends and family. He also tells me I’m too beautiful to be with him.
Amber, I'm not saying your date is a scammer, but don't completely let your guard down. The one thing that could be a good sign is that you've actually been on dates with him. Often romance scammers never actually meet the person they are scamming. However, that does not mean he is not a scammer. It's best to go really slow. If after a few weeks and months he begins to start asking you for money, then RUN
I'm not saying your date is a scammer, but don't completely let your guard down. The one thing that could be a good sign is that you've actually been on dates with him. Usually romance scammers never actually meet the person they are scamming. However, it's best to go really slow. If after a few weeks and months he begins to start asking you for money, then RUN
"Marry in haste; repent at leisure" is an old adage that can apply to anyone not just military. He sounds great and I hope he is. It's wonderful to connect like that. Congratulations!
Your guy doesnt sound like an internet scammer. You have met him in person, so that’s good. He hasn’t asked you for money, also good. iMO He is rushing it a little I think you guys will have a great time getting to know each other even better when he gets back.
Thank you. I was really concerned. It’s been 6 mths now, he’s never asked me for money. In fact he’s always wanting to take care of me and I’m not that kind of girl. We met online on a dating site. We talked for a week then decided to go out on our first date. It just scares me that it takes weeks to hear from him and he doesn’t like answering any questions unless we are face to face. Other words he’s paranoid. He just seems to good to be true a Prince Charming that’s what’s scary. Again thank you ladies.
Is he US or Canadian ? For US, US Special forces and US ARMY RANGERs are two different groups. It can be easy enough to research some of the things he tells you online. I would always be cautious when getting to know someone new. He may be legit and guarded so as to not disclose sensitive info, but then again that can also be a cover to avoid questions he doesnt want to answer. If he is legit and serious about you, he will "brief" you on his lifestyle without the need to disclose details of any mission. If this is truely his job, you will definately want to know what you are getting involved in. Not being able to meet his friends or family after six months does seem strange to me, especially if he is serious about you. I am not saying one way or the other, but do be careful.
Where would I research these things. I’ve been getting brick walls every time. I’m trying to be cautious maybe too cautious. I’ve done background check, you name I can’t find anything.
He’s US working with jsoc. He gives little hints where he’s at. It’s been 6 mths since I’ve seen him he’s deployed that’s why I haven’t met anyone. We’ve only been dating for about 17 days before he left. I’m a bit clueless about what he is. From what I’ve seen on his uniform it has special forces mountain ranger. He has a ton of pride in his ranger thing. He also has tattoos of the ranger skull , special ops and seals crest on him. The only reason why I was able to identify these was cause I looked it up myself. I come from a military family of officers and they can’t tell me anything really about him. My BFF that’s a major tells me is that he’s a bad Mofo so that doesn’t help. I’ve asked so many officers I get the same answer that they’re classified and can’t tell me much. It sucks cause this is coming from my family.
I obviously only know what I have read here but I am married to a ranger and have been for 2.5 years and still don't always know everything about his job and know very LITTLE about his deployment. You can be a ranger without being in special forces or even being in ranger regiment, its just a school and when you pass, you're a ranger. We grew up in the same city and our parents actually still live just a few streets away from each other and I have spent very little time with them because, obviously, we live over 8 hours away and just don't care to go "home" that often. We got married within 6 months of starting to date and for 2 months of that he was actually at ranger school and then at his duty station. I knew him from living in the same city though. Just be careful. If something ever doesn't feel "right" question it. If you don't get the answers you want then it's a red flag. At the same time, I am married to him and I don't always get the answers I want! Trust your womanly insticts!
Hi ladies it's Amber again ladies he was a fake. He wife called me and told me he's married and was never in the military. So him and his twin brother goes around lying to females. They have their routine down uniform and everything. Theyre are going around Texas and Arkansas doing this. I never gave them a cent. They actually just try to get young girls or older women in bed.
Thanks for the followup. Best wishes on your next relationship!
I'm sure the Stolen Valor website would like details on these two if you would like to give them enough details to start an investigation.
i have a friend who suppoley dateing a army bf but they have never met.. he said his mum died his dad abused him and his brother dies young they speek for hours on end every day… hes in afganistan but she dont have to put the afganistan code in to ring him .. he said he doesnt have a dat of when he is comming home .. when she sends him gifts he asks he to send it to his ants house so she can send it all at once and shes on a vodafone family and friends pack whitch i didnt think worked outside the uk do u think he is a fake x
Is it possible that a group or groups of single military men are creating there on "leagel scam" using FB. I have ran across quite a few recently. they ask u to send money declaring they never "demanded" they "just asked" WHY do they do this if they are getting good pay?