I’m not a big science fiction fan, but I have to admit I loved the television show “Heroes.” I’d watch Hiro Nakamura time travel, and my mind would wander to all the places I would go if I could manipulate time and space. I envied Nathan Petrelli as he flew straight up into the sky and jetted off to wherever he needed to go. And I wished my kids possessed Claire Bennet’s power of rapid cellular regeneration so I would never have to bring them to the ER ever again.
If only MilSpouses possessed some of the super powers that made these characters unique. Our lives would be so much easier! Here are the top 10 super powers I think all military spouses should have:
1. The Ability to Freeze Time. Your husband’s deployment date was just moved up by two weeks, and you still haven’t told the kids, packed all his gear, or gotten a power of attorney. Plus, you’re not mentally prepared to lose 14 days of togetherness. With the ability to freeze time, you could spend an infinite number of carefree hours alone with your man until you’re both so sick of each other that the thought of time apart is welcoming.
2. Thought Manipulation. One phone call to the detailer and within minutes you’ll have him changing those orders to the duty station you really want. (This is also useful for those times when you need to convince your husband how much he would enjoy folding the laundry and taking out the trash.)
3. Telepathy. Who needs Skype during deployments when there’s mental telepathy? Military couples can chat whenever and wherever they want with no fear of dropped calls, technological difficulties, letters lost in snail mail, and cryptic text messages oddly altered by spell check.
4. The Ability to Fly. No scrounging for frequent flyer miles. No waiting at the Space A terminal. No hours wasted on an airplane. No canceled flights. No touchy-feely TSA agents. Just like Nathan Petrelli, we could soar up into the sky and zip on over to wherever we need to be. Perfect for meeting our servicemembers at exotic locations during R & R, avoiding the mess of holiday travel, and meeting the moving trucks at the other end of a cross-country PCS.
5. Telekinesis. The ability to move objects with your mind. Sometimes MilSpouses are juggling so many balls in the air that we desperately need an extra hand (or two or fifteen). With telekinesis, all we have to do is look at the dirty dishes in the sink and they would magically transport themselves into the dishwasher. The lawn mower would cut the grass with a mere glance. And the 5-year-old writhing on the kitchen floor throwing a tantrum while you’re on the phone with your boss AND cooking dinner AND watching your dog leave a deposit on your couch because you haven’t had a chance to walk him yet? Your telekinesis would transport that ornery child right upstairs to her room where she could disturb the peace of her bedroom and not your kitchen.
6. Time Travel. Oh, the places we could go! I think what I would do first is travel to the next decade to chat with my future self about the lessons she’s learned during her years as a MilSpouse. Then I would go straight from there to the past, to my first day as a military wife and relay all the tips Future MilSpouse shared and assure Past MilSpouse that she’s going to be just fine.
7. Photographic Memory. Think how much easier moves would be if we could remember exactly where every item we owned was packed. I don’t care how well the movers label boxes or how meticulous your personal records are, it can take weeks to finally locate the television remote or your favorite coffee mug.
8. Enhanced Strength. We’d like to think we’re all as strong as Superman lifting up a car. But we’re not. It would be nice to have some enhanced strength when necessary. Even if we don’t ever find ourselves in a situation in which we need to lift a car, some extra mental strength during those more challenging times in military life would definitely help.
9. Precognition. If I could see into the future, I could deal with Murphy’s Law before it kicks in. I’d know that the car is going to break down on Friday, and I would make an appointment with a mechanic earlier in the week. I’d know that my daughter is going to fall at school and require stitches, and I would make her wear sneakers instead of those sandals she doesn’t quite fit. And I’d know when my husband is going to be late for dinner, surprise me with an invitation to the mandatory fun he forgot to tell me about earlier, and hand me four dirty uniforms that need to be washed and ready to be packed by morning.
10. Replication. Otherwise known as cloning. I could send Clone #1 to the supermarket while Clone #2 folded laundry, Clone #3 cleaned out my email inbox, and Clone #4 took my son to baseball practice. As a sometimes single parent, it sure would be handy to have a couple of extra me’s running around.
What MilSpouse super powers do you need?