Before I married a military man, I did the research. I figured that since I was already a single mom for over 10 years, it wouldn’t be that much of a change in my lifestyle.
As a single mom, I was used to budgeting on my own, used to going places with the kids by myself, used to planning family trips and traveling all on my own. I was that independent, self-sufficient, career mom raising my children by myself and loving my life.Yes, indeed, I had it all, except (excuse the cliché) someone special to share it all with!
Enter: The Man of my Dreams. Super smart, super funny, super single dad, and super handsome to top it all off! The fact that he was in the Navy was not an issue. I fell completely, head over heels, utterly, totally, crazy in love with this beautiful human being.
Thel Man of my Dreams proposed and of course, I accepted. I couldn’t imagine life without him. Before we got hitched, we did THE TALK. He wanted me to know exactly what I was signing up for with this marriage. He wanted to be sure that I knew he would be gone…A LOT. That he would miss important days and events…OFTEN. That he would try to never go a day without talking to me but there were circumstances that would come up where he wouldn’t be reachable…FREQUENTLY.
I listened, nodded, and assured my future husband that it was no big deal. We had never lived together prior to being married. We had been a long distance couple for a while prior to the marriage. So what’s the big difference?
Oh, how naïve I was!! Super mom was about to learn the military wife survival techniques the HARD WAY.
The day after our wedding, the ink hadn’t even dried on our marriage certificate before I was thrown full throttle into this crazy, wonderful world of military life. I had my first PCS to his new duty station 3,000 miles across country. We had our new blended family of four children in tow. We only had a few blissful days of married life before he would leave me, alone, in a new place, with no family and friends because he had to deploy.
I became this creature who slept with the laptop in her lap and her phone by her side, waiting for that blissful ding of a new email from my husband or that ever elusive phone call…anything to connect me to my other half! I loved seeing his handsome face on Skype and the way the kids would light up when Dad sent a letter was one of the most moving things I had ever seen. Why didn’t you tell me how much I would love this new life?
Shannon Jackson is the wife of a US Navy Chief Petty Officer living in San Diego, California. Shannon currently works full time for Homes Media and operates an online jewelry boutique. In her spare time, which isn’t much between football practices, art classes, and deployments, she loves to read and write about her experiences in hopes of connecting with and inspiring others.
Why Didn’t You Tell Me is a weekly feature that gives our readers a space to tell their own story. If you have a story for us, please submit using the contact button above. All stories must be original and unpublished.
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I married my husband at 23 and he at 22. We started our relationship long distance as well. After we got married, he moved in with my family and I, only until our apartment was ready to move in. I was raised in the military lifestyle but only moved around a lot in Texas. I knew that after I married him, I would have to leave everything I knew. We only stayed in Texas for about a year 1/2 after we married. I just moved here to Florida with our 6 month daughter in July. Currently, he is stationed in Virginia for training. He will be deploying for about 2 years in Bahrain and unfortunately since he is military security, he will be going on missions wherever needed. He explained that months may go by before I hear from him. This has not been easy and nor will it get any easier for us. But like you, I am very much in love with my husband. He swept me off my feet and now we have this gorgeous little girl. I wouldn't change anything. This life is definitely not for everyone because it takes patience, understanding, and sacrifice.
I am keeping myself occupied with, of course, my daughter, and starting my own home based business.
I too was a single mom for 7 years, content with being so and very independent and secure being on my own. One magical day my now husband swooped in on his white horse. I came from a military childhood as well and knew that this would not be an easy road, but like many I nodded and went forth. Our entire 'courtship' was long distance as shortly after we met he was stationed in Japan. He has been away for almost 2 years. We used technology to our advantage. He would come home once every six months and leave again. After almost a year he proposed and I was given the talk as well. But eagerly I accepted and couldn't wait to be with my best friend.
As wedding preperations began and the packing of the house to move to Japan were underway my husband was given a new assignment. He is now gone all the time and like you and many others there are times when there is no contact of how he is or if he is safe. We were married in June and were able to spend the summer together in Japan, unfortunately it was short lived and we are apart again.
I find myself trying to cope with a love so strong, that some in the military, don't understand. And like many women clinging desperately to my phone or other electronic devices waiting for that fateful email, text, or chance to see his face. I have become more active in our church and with my daughters school. My daughter and I are living with family until the end of the year, when hopefully we'll be reunited with the love of our lives. I have good days and bad. I never knew that I could care so deeply and love someone so unconditionally (except for my daughter).
I am trying to find schools in the area we will be moving to next as I am almost done with my social work degree and hope to work with Wounded Warriors or in a VA hospital. I love my husband and am so proud of who he is and what he does, but how do we get past the bad days? Do they ever go away or are we destined to cry into our pillows every day that we are away?
Hi Brittany,
There will be good days and there will be not so good days. We make the choice every day to either grin and bear it or to cry it out and whine. I've done both and both have made me feel better!! Do what makes you feel good, what makes you get through this time. What I have learned is that you cannot do it alone. Talk to friends, family, let them know how you are feeling. Do things that make YOU feel good inside. I love to put my feet up and watch reruns of Sister, Sister! Whatever you do, take care of you. You are stronger than you think.
I was in the Navy and a single mom of two before I met my coastie. I stayed in our state of residence. He transfered to a boat 1200 miles away. He comes home when he can, but are the things he taught me before he left was to trust and rely on him. I did he helps with the kids, housework,and ballencing my sanity. When I am having a bad day he is not here to help me through . that is what I miss the most.