I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I’m all about expressing my gratitude for another year of health and happiness and sharing the joy of gift-giving and receiving. I might be able to deal with things like waking up at zero-dark0thirty to hit the Black Friday sales or waiting in long lines at the mall to force my kids to smile on Santa’s lap, but only if you catch me on a good day.
But there’s one holiday hassle that always brings out the bah-humbug in me.
I hate holiday travel.
The packing, the traffic, the crowded airports, the whiny kids. It almost seems like the process of getting to the holiday ruins the holiday itself. By the time you reach your destination, you’re tired, cranky, hungry, and longing for the steaming hot bubble bath you won’t be getting because you’re too busy hugging long-lost relatives and answering 512 questions about your new job and the kids’ extracurricular activities.
Then, by the time you’ve recovered from your travels, it’s time to head home and do it all over again. But unlike the first leg of the trip, the homebound journey doesn’t end in hugs and meals prepared by someone else. Nope. The holiday travel ends with a Monday morning filled with kids who refuse to get out of bed, an empty fridge with nothing to offer for school lunchboxes and a frantic load of laundry so your husband has a clean uniform to wear to work.
To add insult to injury, a lot of times we MilSpouses have to deal with all this holiday hustle and bustle on our own. I still have flashbacks of that Thanksgiving eight years ago when I finally arrived at my in-laws’ house after a middle-of-the-night trip to the ER, a canceled flight and way too many hours entertaining a 9-month-old in an airport. By the time the turkey was carved, I was so far beyond stressed from traveling without my deployed husband that the only thing I was thankful for was that the day was almost over.
Even though Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away, just the turning of the calendar page into November induces my travel anxiety. Should we pull the kids out of school on Wednesday to hit the road early? Should we leave in the middle of the night to avoid traffic? What should I do before we leave to avoid the craziness after the trip? Will my husband be home in time to help me prepare for the trip? Will he even be home to travel with me or will I be spending another holiday without him?
All of this anxiety leaves me with the biggest question of all: Why can’t everyone just come to us?!
We’re the ones with the young kids. We’re the ones with the dog. We’re the ones with the unpredictable schedules. We’re the ones most likely to have to cancel plane tickets because we’re missing a family member. I don’t care if I have to cook three turkeys and find sleeping bags for a dozen house guests who all refuse to wash dishes. If it means I don’t have to spend the better part of two days in bumper-to-bumper traffic or stand in an airport security line at the crack of dawn, I’ll gladly host both sides of our extended families every year. Bring it on.
Holidays are joyous occasions filled with love and appreciation for all the wonderful people in our lives. I love spending time with family during the holidays. I love watching my kids get spoiled rotten by the grandparents they don’t get to see enough. I love sitting around a table of people who are probably secretly unbuttoning their trousers to make room for their expanding bellies. I even love the post-feast cleanup because of its subtle reminder that family can turn even the most unpleasant tasks into an opportunity for bonding. I really do love most things about the holidays.
But holiday traveling? That definitely won’t be on my list of things I’m thankful for.
Are you planning to travel for the holidays this year? Do you ever wish family would just come to you?
About Heather Sweeney
Comments
Amen, sister! We found out recently that we'll be staying home for the holidays because of my husband's new job. He has to be within a few hours of the base and our families are FAR beyond that limit. I will shamefully admit that I was a tad relieved. We don't have kids yet but we both come from divorced and remarried families so there are SO MANY people who expect us to run all over town visiting them when we come in town. Let alone come in town during the holidays. I will also confess that I haven't told my parents yet that we aren't coming….guess I should get on that…..
We traveled for the first two years we were away from family for the holidays. Then we told everyone we were starting our own family traditions. We stayed home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and WE LOVED IT.
Christmas, especially, was lovely – quiet, intimate morning with just our kids, instead of the loud chaos of too many people in a too-small space. My explanation to everyone was that our kids will go through enough instability and craziness with all of the moves and my husband being gone so much. I want them to have memories of Christmas traditions, to be able to enjoy them no matter which house they're in that year. Those memories do NOT have to involve crazy travel and the stress that comes with it.
There is NEVER anything wrong with doing what's best for your nuclear family. If you hate it so much, don't travel! Stay home! ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS!! (What a concept!)
I'm right there with y'all. I have only one child but concluded that those who are interested in visiting with us could choose to make the effort to see us themselves instead of us always having to go to them. So we have quiet holidays, unlike those I grew up with in a large family, in our own home, getting solid sleep in our familiar beds, and actually enjoy our vacation time! We will travel to family at less-hectic times of the year when it suits our schedules, especially to see those unable to travel at all.
Every year we have traveled every time we have gotten summer/holiday/Thanksgiving pass/leave. It is getting so OLD! We don't have children yet, but we have one 60 lb dog, and a 9 week old puppy this year. Between the cost of gas, pre-trip car maintenance, eating out, and going out/presents we feel overwhelmed with both the expenses and the packing/unpacking for us and two dogs. Plus the whole 10 hour drive thing doesn't help matters. For once I wish that the family would come to us, but instead we have one side of the family who can't afford to travel and the other side of the family who refuses to and calls us crying trying to play the guilt card for us to come up there.
I am thankful that at least this Thanksgiving hubs graduates WLC a day prior so that we are unable to travel for that holiday. I wish we could set up traditions of our own, and have time alone without either family guilt tripping us.
I'm with Damsel. We used to travel for the holidays. We also used to NEVER enjoy them. It was constant stress, all the time, dealing with family drama, making sure we spent adequate amounts of time at each person's house. It was ridiculous. Once we had our first kid, I said enough. I don't want my children always eating Thanksgiving dinner that someone else cooked, in someone else's house. I want them eating their own turkey, that their mother cooked, in their OWN house. I don't want them only opening presents at someone else's house or never being able to leave cookies out for Santa. I want them opening up presents underneath their own tree, making their own Christmas traditions in their own home, and leaving out cookies for Santa on their own kitchen table. I personally find it really sad to deprive my children of all of that — the memories and experiences that make up so much of my own childhood — just to please everyone else. They don't like it, well, tough. I have my own family to make memories with now. We have families that play the guilt card too, but oh well. My children's happiness and memories are more important than their whining. If they can't understand that, well, that's on them.
I also don't quite understand why I hear spouses complain *so much* about how awful it is going home for the holidays, and it's so stressful, and they wish they could just stay home, and they don't want to go, and blah blah blah. Dude. If you hate doing it, then it's really, really simple: stop. Don't travel. Problem solved. Ta-da!
My least favorite part about traveling to visit family is we never get a real vacation. I love seeing family, but they live in 3 different states, and even with rotating holidays, if they don't make some effort, we may only see them every couple years. Just once I'd like to take a cruise or go to a tropical location instead of spending all my money to go crash at someone elses house. So that's the goal, we save till we can take the kids on a real fun vacation, or maybe just us, we'll see.