Why didn’t you tell me everyone would be so surprised that I am an enlisted spouse? I’m a reporter, so I meet people often and strike up conversations. On top of that, I happen to cover the military beat, so I interact with military members and government officials pretty much on a daily basis. I’ve noticed recently that whenever I tell one of them my husband is a Marine, they always seem so surprised to hear me say that he’s a corporal (an E-4).
It seems as if because I’m a professional woman with a career and I appear to have all my stuff together, there’s just no way I could be married to an enlisted servicemember. I mean, enlisted wives don’t have real jobs, right? They just stay at home, make babies, and shop at the exchange, right? Sometimes they babysit for extra cash or sell Avon, right?
Wrong.
Enlisted wives can do much more than shop and procreate. Believe it or not, enlisted wives can earn degrees. Enlisted wives can be professionals, have careers and maintain themselves in a way that doesn’t make people assume they need to attend a Marine Corps Ball etiquette class (thank you for that, Camp Lejeune).
I’m an enlisted wife, and I worked my tail off to get to where I am. I took no-paying internships, low-paying entry-level broadcasting jobs, and eventually made my way to where I am today: happily married and gainfully employed as a newspaper reporter. Sure, maintaining my career won’t be easy since I’ve chosen to marry into the military, but maintaining a career as a military spouse isn’t easy whether you’re an enlisted spouse or an officer’s one.
I know I’m not the only enlisted wife out there with a career–with goals and plans for a future that doesn’t entirely revolve around my husband’s deployments. I had dreams and goals for myself before I married him, and those aspirations haven’t changed because he put on a ring on my finger.
If anything, my drive has gotten stronger. I want a career more because of the adversity I face as a military spouse, not to mention as an enlisted spouse.
Do you ever feel you’re being judged because of your husband’s rank? That people can’t believe your husband is who he is because of who you are?
Amanda Wilcox is an enlisted Marine Corps wife living and working in Jacksonville, N.C. as a reporter for the local paper, The Jacksonville Daily News. She and her husband, Joe, are newlyweds learning to live the married life one day at a time. They have three children: a black labrador retriever, a toy poodle and a black cat.
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This! My husband enlisted earlier this year as a military musician, a kind of dream opportunity career change in his late 20s. We both have college degrees, and I have a graduate degree and a career. I’m still not used to being perceived differently. It doesn’t seem to bother him, but I’m working on it for myself. He just finished A school and is a lowly Seaman ;).
Sesalle..it took me nearly my exhusband's entire enlistment before I was "ok with it". I did not like being limited to whom my friends could be. Also, as we entered this life later than most, I had little in common-as did he-with his enlisted peers. I was really resentful during that time.
YES! Thanks for this! I'm an enlisted wife and a reporter, too, and people 1)first assume that my husband is an officer; 2) act surprised, and then confused, when they learn he's not; and then 3) ask me if he plans to become an officer. NO! (nothing against officers) He likes being enlisted. I'm educated and from an upper middle class family and it was a huge shock to me to enter into a world where I'm looked down simply because of the rank on my husband's uniform. There's this misconception between both Es & Os (and their spouses) that officers are better and enlisted are worse — nope. They're just two different paths. Well said, Amanda! I can't wait to meet you!
I'm so glad you agree! And that you liked it! I am so looking forward to meeting other spouses that share this same plight!
Unfortunately,many e spouses feel they have to justify that they are not scum because of the 99 % of e spouses who act like scum….
Really? Because almost every enlisted spouse I have ever known is well educated and works hard and is successful. If anything when my husband became an officer the officer's wives pressured me to quit working, because officer's wives just don't do that or something. I never figured it out.
I don't think you're that different from other spouses, enlisted or officer. Are you sure they are just shocked that your a successful milspouse?
I agree. I am a professional and I am a milspouse. I think the suprise comes from meeting a milspouse who has managed to have a professional career regardless of hubby's rank. My hubby is an officer and I'm oftern greeted with the same confusion. It doesn't really both me. I just surround myself with other milspouses who work hard for what they want out of life regadless of whether there ambition is to be a fantastic SAHM, a career woman or the one who manages to do it both.
The only real difference between an officer spouse and an enlisted spouse is who they are married to. All the other supposed differences are BS. The only thing we should care about when meeting other spouses is their character.
Amen, Mel.
You complain about the misconceptions and stereotypes against enlisted spouses, yet here you are congratulating yourself for being better than the stereotypical enlisted spouse. Because you work! You have drive! You're just so different, right? People are always SO surprised when they find out that your husbands is ONLY an E-4 (seriously??).
This column quite frankly comes across as someone congratulating themselves for being so much better than other spouses under the guise of shattering stereotypes, when really, all you're doing is perpetuating them while presenting yourself as a snob who sees herself as better than the average enlisted spouse.
I agree. As the wife of an E-4, I personally found this offensive!
I suppose I am the stereotypical lowly enlisted wife that you refer to; I put my Education on hold after two years of college (Special Education Major) in order to be a Stay-at-home Mother to our three daughters. With all of the *extra time* left after taking care of our home & family (can you sense the sarcasm?)I manage to keep myself occupied by volunteering at my kids' school and working with Special Needs children in our Church on Sunday mornings and evenings. Sometimes I even change out of my PJs for weekly trips to Walmart! Shocking, I realize.
*Sigh*…I guess one of these days, when my husband finally becomes an Officer, I can finally do something meaningful with my life.
(Just for the record, I am extremely proud of my husband & the path he's chosen. Not all of our spouses can sit in a plush office and call the shots; someone actually has to put those orders into action ;)
I was with you right up until the end. My husband is an O4 and he has a cubical, not a plush office, and he spends his days putting the O6's orders he works for into action.
If your going to call someone on their stereotyping don't turn around and do it yourself.
LOL, didn't mean to offend. I was sort of shooting for irony with that last part.
Well, I sure don't know where I fit in, because I have absolutely no career drive whatsoever and I am the wife of a major. I am a stay-at-home mom and I do, in fact, wear sweatpants most days. Is there such a stereotype of the "lowly officer's wife", because if so, I am the poster woman!!! :) And I couldn't be more satisfied with my life, and I couldn't care less if people think less of me for it.
You sound like the same person that wrote the first snobby comment, she was just trying to maybe be a voice for some of the spouses out there that feel that way, that know how much their family means to them and appreciates their husbands hard work… Look the bottom line is we all see it and feel it, for instance when a spouse is introduced to a soldiers commander, or sr NCO you feel it. Stop the criticism, I feel like she is trying to say that military spouses deserve to be appreciated and respected the same form Gen. Officer to Privete. Whether your a professional house wife or a professional doing something else.
I agree with you whole heartedly. This column frankly bothers me how she thinks MOST enlisted wives shop all day and have babies. This is one reporter that needs to get off her high horse and stop thinking she's so important.
AMEN Cassy! Thank you! I was thinking the SAME things.
I agree Cassy! This was a disappointing article on many levels… It sounds like the one person who struggles the most with status is the reporter.
I think we were reading different things. I don't think that was the intention of her article at all. I think she was pointing out the stereotypes that people have of military wives, which are not all true. Granted some people probably do fit into them, but the bottom line is that most people do believe that is all that military spouses do! I took it as her saying that is not true. Also, it's great that you chose to have your children and put aside your career, and I always see family activities put on by our base, however I rarely see anything for us spouses that have chosen alternative lifestyles. I do think it's important to note that.
Amanda I agree with what you wrote. If it weren't true, a myriad of Facebook pages (namely the "Overly Sensitive Military Wives" page) wouldn't exist to make fun of the stereotypes. And as we all know, stereotypes DO stem from the truth. They may not necessarily represent the majority, but nonetheless, they ARE out there, and becoming more and more common.
Cassy, you need to pump your brakes. (And maybe polish your reading comprehension skills). In no way did this come off as "I think I'm better than everyone else". Because honestly, for every spouse I know who has a degree and career, I know about 20 who are sloppy slobs who go to the commissary in their husband's PT's with their 8 kids running around in pajamas at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I mean come on, we've all seen that WAY too much.
See I don't know any milspouse, with husbands of any rank, who are sloppy slobs who go to the commissary in their husbands PT's with 8 kids misbehaving, still in their PJ's at 3 pm. Who do you hang around with? Where are all these disgraces?
All the ones I know are hard working (inside or outside the home) with good kids and actually do care about their appearance.
Where in my comment did you read that I hang around people like that?
Go to the Commissary at Fort Sill and look around. I've seen it a lot at Fort Bragg also. I'm sorry, but it's disgusting. Sometimes I'd like to tell some of these women to get their ass out of bed in the morning, get themselves in the shower, and pull themselves together. It's embarrassing that Military Wives go out in public looking the way some of these women do.
I don't always feel like getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup before I go to the store, but I'd rather look pulled together than look like a slob. It doesn't mean that I think I'm better than anyone else and I'm certainly not perfect (not even close) But I do take pride in my appearance. I wish more spouses would do that.
You're a bit judgmental and out of line. FYI, I am one of those people rocking sweats in the commissary because I work in a laboratory where my nice clothing would get ruined. I will be damned if after a long day at work I am going to get all gussied up so that you feel better about my presence. I work hard and if I want to swing by and pick up a couple of things on my way home from working a 12 hr shift, it's none of your business. There is more to people's character than their hair and make up.
Apparently you can't read so I'll make this easy for you. I'm not talking about spouses who work in labs all day and then throw on some sweats to run to the store for a gallon of milk.
I'm talking about the women who show up at the commissary, looking like they (and their kids) haven't showered in a week, smelling bad, wearing their husbands PTs (which are usually 2 sizes too small) and letting their kids run rampant through the store like maniacs.
And if I don't know you, I couldn't give a rats ass about your character. I just don't want to smell you as I walk by you.
ITA Ashley….
Wow. I’m kind of ashamed you call yourself a military spouse. Shame on you for being such an ugly human being.
Jeez, seriously. I can name civilians spouses that sit around the house in sweats and feed their kids cereal all day I know a few enlisted spouse who have majors, and a few that are becoming doctors. While their husband is a lowly lowered enlisted…Did you ever stop to think that these spouses sitting around in their sweats might be mildly depressed or overwhelmed or stressed. And not have the supposrt network to cope with the stress of being a spouse? Or lost their passion in all the moves, deployments and kids.
That's a really good point, too. I don't see a *lot* of spouses walking around looking like slobs, and when I do, I don't automatically assume their husband is enlisted (although some people here, ahem, obviously do). And yes, if they really are sitting around in their PJs or sweatpants all day, wouldn't a better use of your time be to see if they need help or a friend rather than congratulating yourself on being so much better than them because you have a job and are so awesome?
I can absolutely see the valid comments here. But I do think that some of this judgement should hold their horses…there IS a valid reason for this surprise and it does have negative impact sometimes.
Full disclosure…I am married to an enlisted Marine, and I hold a masters degree. Two big negative things have come from this:
1. I have been job searching in my field for nearly a year. Without fail, EVERY SINGLE PERSON CONNECTED TO THE MILITARY THROUGH MY HUSBAND (I put this in all caps because it is literally EVERYONE) immediately directs me to child care or retail (great, awesome jobs if that's what you are looking for) without even asking me what I actually do for a living. Then…I've experienced the stark contrast when I attend job fairs, symposiums, and volunteering activities in which no one knows my husbands rank….a few minutes into talking, they are asking what field I am looking into and offering connections. I cannot say for certain except in a few cases, but my impression is that they automatically assume that I am an "officers spouse". There is ABSOLUTELY a bias there.
Some of it I understand–just strait up statistically, I understand: Military and civilian populations alike, we are more likely to marry someone with a college degree if we hold one, period. So I guess maybe that's where some of it is coming from?
2. My husband has gotten negativity for his wife holding a masters degree. There have been times he has been told that he isn't as smart as me (not true!), that he married up, and I have been shunned in military circles at times because its automatically assumed that I will think I am better (I'm not!).
My point is…there are some negative preconceived notions out there! We need to work together to make sure that they stop :)
I think you're spot on with your "marry someone with a college degree if we hold one," idea. And I don't think that's because we vet our potential spouses with "are you a degree holder?" but because the college years or those immediately following while you use that degree you just earned in your area of expertise,is where people meet the person they end up marrying.
Tara….and here is where I get on my soapbox and start spouting off as to how spouse clubs should be combined. My post had 400 members strong in its OSC and 40 in the ESC. Which one is going to have better networking?
Mary! Great point. In my unit and base the ESC has been abolished due to the crazyness and drama that started to happen (this all happened before I got here, so I heard this from some of the other spouses) but the OSC is still up and running and extremely active! I have had to work within the OSC through a friend of mine who is an officer spouse to explore networking opportunities and to spread the word about events that are occurring through the nonprofit that I work for. I wish that I could be a part of this greater network not only for the companionship, support, etc, but also the networking opportunities. Combine!!! But I do not think they will… :(
Seriously, have you guys ever thought that what you are seeing/feeling is based of your own insecurities? Before you jump all over that comment, I will tell you that I have had both experiences, being an enlisted spouse (E-3 to E5) and then an officers spouse (currently O3). I am also much older than my husband so people automatically assume we have been "in" for a long time. Actually HE started at the bottom and has worked hard to get where he is now. I on the other hand gave up a very successful business when I "married the army". Currently I am a lowly government employee that has to find a new job every time we move. I have noticed that all spouses get uncomfortable when the conversation moves to their husbands rank. Why? In my opinion, it is because they like the person they are talking to and hope that their husbands would get along too. Stop judging other spouses based on your beliefs because while there are always some who "wear their husbands rank", most don't and are just looking to create lasting relationships with other Spouses.
So here is what I don't get..when I am with friends I like to dish over coffee, shop, and scrapbook. Why do the husbands need to be involved anyway?
Interesting. I've had officer spouses at my husband's unit all assume that I was one of them…Not based on what I did for a living. They didn't know that information about me. They just met me at unit events and thought I was "one of them" because I dress well, am a little older than many enlisted spouses, and I'm well spoken. I think there IS a stereotype about what enlisted spouses are like, unfortunately.
We were at a meeting several months ago and they invited me to a party they were having. We had a new CO's wife and she was at this meeting and she asked me who my husband was. I told her his name and she's mentally going through her head of all the guys she's met. She said, "I don't think I've met him yet. What does he do?" I told her and she got this confused look on her face and asked, "He's not an officer?" I told her he wasn't and one of the other girls overheard and loudly yelled, "SO YOU ARE AN ENLISTED WIFE?" She said it like I just said I had just confessed I was a convicted felon or something. They all started looking at each other and looking at me. Then, they suggested that I needed to go to an ENLISTED wife party instead of theirs. There ARE no enlisted wife parties at our unit.
I am not OLD, but older than most of them by about 5 years and they all started treating me like I'm a leper. I even had some of them on Facebook and they started posting passive aggressive status updates about me and everything. It's been awful. Like a big military-sponsored class warfare system. I am so sick of it and will be SO happy when we leave the military and join the real world where company spouses don't congregate at all and if they do, there are not "rules" telling you who you can and can't hang out with.
I was right where you are,Jenny! My ex husband entered enlisted life later than most, and I could have written your post word for word. One time I had LT Private's wife asking me 20 questions to determine if I was an O wife or not. I finally got annoyed and snapped "I'm only a lowly E5's wife"
I've gotten some of this, but not much. Frankly, after an attempt to participate in the FRG when I first hit the scene, I actively avoid the organized ship stuff (not that there's much of it for enlisted). I had a newly married officer's wife I really got along with tell me she didn't feel comfortable hanging out with me because of fraternization concerns (on the advice of her husband, who should have known better).
The good news? You and I are NOT IN THE SERVICE. And no matter what anyone says, we CAN both support our husbands AND choose how involved we want to be with the command.
Unfortunately, these stereotypes exist. Although I have not encountered too many other military spouses, I have encountered this prejudice, I work in a civilian job where I talk to people all day long. When they ask about my husband, they are always surprised that he is in the military and that he is only an E-4. My husband and I have been together for 11years(since we were in high school) and I am only 26, so people assume that he is an officer and/or he is of a higher rank. What they do not know is that my husband who will be 30 did not join the military after high school like most enlisted members, but attended college for 2years and trade school for another 2years before enlisting. While he was figuring out what he wanted to do in life, I attended college and I am now pursuing my Master's and planning on attending Law School. We do not have any plans for children but you can find me in a pair of sweatpants at Wal-mart any day of the week and I wear suits to work. Two of my closest friends are military spouses one is an officers wife who currently has chosen not to work now that she has a child and the other is an enlisted wife just like I am with no children and pursuing a Master's we all get along great and I couldn't love them more. We have one rule with our husbands "Leave your rank at the Door". Maybe we should follow the same practices when meeting other military spouses. Maybe we should all just be supportive of each other since we all go through the same things. I apologize to those who feel offended by this article, but it is a frustrating truth that people including civilians feel this way.
My ex had a college education, too. A lot of enlisted soldiers do, in fact. Too bad they don't teach this at OCS!!
I think you hit the nail on the head! My husband is also an E-4 and I have a bachelor's degree in Education. Most of the enlisted spouses I have met on this base are unemployed and sit at home all day and complain. I get the same surprise when I meet them and they find out I have a career, then I am almost shunned because they assume I will think im better or some nonsense. As a result, it is very very hard for me to make friends with the enlisted spouses and in most cases I get along better and have more in common with the officer spouses; or they are at least friendlier to me.
I hate all the stereotypical stuf thats out there. “We” were enlisted. I say “we” cause i dont wear a rank he does. He finished college and decided to go officer route (enlisted just wasnt a fit for him). We lived in hawaii for our first duty station and never once was “my” rank an issue with my “enlisted” or “officer” spouses. To me i am just me. I am a wife, mother, college graduate amon other things. I dont care what your husband’s rank is. The only time this has been an issue was when we moved to the new duty station and and they figure out im the captain’s wife and try to see what i can do for them. I am that wife that goes to the commissary with my hair on top of my head and kids in tow. Some days it just doesnt matter. It matters that my kids are fed and happy and i managed to pull it together.
When we were new to military life my husband enlisted as an E4 after graduating with his Master's and then went on to be an officer we were in our late 20's. I have a degree and had been working in my field 7 yrs before military life. I was able to keep my current job and work from home. Some enlisted wives have questioned me about how we can afford our cars, daycare tuition based on E4 salary.. People he worked with have flat out asked him if he sold drugs on the side to afford our off post house. Officer's wives wouldn't even talk to me b/c my husband was then an enlisted. All of this was hilarious to me. That individuals can be so simple-minded. I worked from home AND cared for our daughter when she was baby. So yes, some days I was one of those Enlisted wives who looked like they rolled out of bed and went to the commissary with my baby on my hip still in her pjs.. why?? because I was up at 5am taking calls & answering emails for the company who employs me. I don't care what it looks like because i know what choices we made as a family and if that doesn't fit the enlisted or officer mold. who cares!
Well. Here’s my take. I’m the daughter of an E9 and his successful wife. I’m former enlisted, bootstrapped to officer, now civilian. I married an officer who was also prior enlisted. So I’ve been on both sides and have heard enough negative things on both sides to last me a lifetime. As former military, I’m thoroughly ****** that any wife, of E or O, thinks she has it over another wife because of her husband’s rank. That’s whose rank it is – her husband’s. As an officer’s wife, I was told I couldn’t invite E wives to my parties. Guess what? I invite who I please. I also know better than to be surprised when an E-5′s wife ends up as my dentist, or the O-3′s wife lets her kid watch YouTube all day in his room with a super size bag of chips. Or vice versa. People are people and the rank of their spouse has nothing to do with their personal level of education or success. To both O and E spouses who manage to have a degree or a career or both – my ONLY surprise is that you have managed to overcome the disadvantage of constantly moving to support your own spouse.
Back to spouse clubs…is anyone else as surprised as I am that they have not all combined?
I was constantly mistaken for an officers wife. I ran a support website for military families and friends, was an ombudsman, involved with various organizations volunteering, etc. I have been to the White House, met with MCPONs, asked to speak at various events, and have met with many "movers and shakers" due to the work I have done. When I would tell people my husband flies in the P-3 Orion they would assume he was a pilot and I would have to correct them and say, "no, he's aircrew…" which means enlisted. Then they realized I was not an officer's wife and I could see the wheels turning and shifting as they spoke to me. LOL
This happened to me too. We would meet at the doc's office, playground, whatever..and as soon as they knew (ex) DH was enlisted, you could see the light go out of their eyes..lol
,My issue has always been that enlisted wives are stereotyped unfairly by everyone.
For example, my "uniform" is a twinset, jeans and loafers. I wear this to the FRG or ESC and get accused of "trying too hard". Would people rather see me wearing a Betty Boop tshirt,cutoffs and flip-flops? Can only officers' wives look nice? As an enlisted wife,I can't win.
Dress up(which is "me") and be called "snob" or dress down and be called "trash?
Enlisted wives are almost expected to "live the part". When I refused WIC, my ex-DH's chain and peers called me foolish instead of praising us for making it on our own.When I said "No thanks" to Santa's Workshop gifts(toys offered to needy junior enlisted families), people rolled their eyes. When I dressed my dds in Gymboree and Hanna Andersson, people assumed that I was bleeding DH dry when, in fact, I bought the outfits at consignment stores or on Ebay. There were days when I thought it would be easier to be Ellie the Stereotypical Enlisted Wife instead of being true to myself.
Enlisted wives are seldom if ever included in social activities within a Unit. No coffees.No teas.No formals.The only ones who are included are the CSMs' wives and they darn well deserve to be. And consider for a moment that the largest military post has no Enlisted Club where spouses(or even soldiers,I'm sad to say) can meet. No wonder the enlisted wives don't care about appearances or how they come across-no one cares about them! Maybe if people start having expectations of them and including them, they may step up and act a bit better.
As the comments — and heck, this post itself — make ABUNDANTLY clear, people aren't interested in helping enlisted spouses. They're WAY more interested in judging them, putting them down, calling them lazy slobs, and congratulating themselves for being the ONLY hardworking, intelligent, ambitious, well-dressed enlisted wife EVAH.
Mary maybe you could be the pioneer on making it happen. Through an ICE suggestion you reach the highest attention on base. Do your research careful , since I was on Fort Hood and there was in one point an Enlisted Club. I don't recall the reason to why it shut down, however a new Garrison Team welcomes new ideas, if present and researched well.
Appearances is a personal choice and has absolutely nothing to do with either E or O. It saddens me that you feel that no one cares about "them". At every level I have been exposed to , they cared most about " them". I was one of "them".
Be creative and start at any level a gathering and make a difference . YOU can make the difference.At least you show you care. Good luck.
Earlier I mentioned expectations. There were times during ex-DH's time in when I wished the Senior Enlisted Wives would have set those expectations for the younger wives. On one occasion,the ESC held an event at the General's house. I have no idea how the ESC President arranged that,but she did.This event took place at the beginning of OIF,and it was very moving to be invited to the home of this high-ranking officer during wartime. As we all know, most enlisted wives never lay eyes on a General or his wife,let alone be entertained in their home.
Anyway,I approached the leadership of the club and suggested that a dress code for the event be mentioned. Not ballgowns,but business casual or Sunday dress.Well,the leadership elected not to do that and people showed up for the event in jeans and sweats.Not all but enough. I was so angry…not at the transgressors,but at the leadership for letting them fail.
Thank you for writing this. I don't get the impression that the writer is 'congratulating herself for being better than the stereotypical enlisted spouse" or that it is based on her own insecurities. I think she was making an observation, a correct one, that there are still preconceived notions of enlisted spouses vs. officer spouses. I have a master's degree and work in health care at a local MTF. My husband is enlisted. I am often surprised at how many people assume my husband is an officer. Why? Just because I am a professional? I find it absurd. My husband has been in the military for 20 years and in that time he has earned both a bachelors and a masters degree. He enjoys what he does. I don't think I will ever get used to some of the classification that comes with my husband's career choice. I don't understand why it can't just be 'spouse whose husband is an active duty service member', instead of bringing his rank into it. It's HIS rank, not mine.
I understand what you are saying. I met my husband while in college and he was an E-5. So he had already put in 4 years of service before I joined the picture so I don't know what it is like in the early years. We dated through college and law school. I only knew the military world from a distance. After law school we were deployed overseas in a very small community with no work prospect. I had a law degree, passed a very difficult bar and was not able to do anything. When other military or government workers would talk to me about being an attorney they would be really interested, then they'd ask what I was doing there and I'd point out my husband, one of the enlisted guys. "Oh, and you're a lawyer?" That was always the response I got. When I couldn't find work, I was told (and I don't say this offensively, this is how it was told to me) most spouses aren't as educated as you are so nothing is set up to help you find jobs. You married into the military so you should have expected finding jobs would be hard. Well…why? Why does it have to be hard? Why do I have to explain my husbands service and deployment possibilities to a potential employer? (It comes up because our most recent post isn't an ordinary place to live). When I ask for assistance, or try to get on the worthless priority placement program I am told that I'm "only a spouse so my priority is bottom of the barrell" by high ranking HR personnel….I digress, I can write on this subject for a long time. The disparities between military spouses is just so ridiculous. First, if you're an officers wife and you don't think you are treated better, you are kidding yourself. Look at the pay differences between a starting officer and an enlisted. Then look at the opportunities afforded to each, especially the tuition assistance. Enlisted only get up to E-5 where Officers received it at O-1 and O-2, both ranks that make as much or more than an E-6 that has been in for YEARS! And the likelihood that the Officer met their spouse in college then afford the spouse to seek an advanced degree while the Enlisted spouse is still working on their Bachelors.
It is difficult enough to be a military spouse and speaking for myself in my personal experience (as I can't speak for anyone else who may have differing experiences) it is hard for a highly educated spouse to find meaningful employment, especially as an enlisted spouse. Our enlisted spouses aren't as 'connected' as officers are. This is very important for networking/knowing the right person when getting a job (give me a break, it all comes down to who you know, if you don't agree you're kidding yourself).
Bottom line, people need to stop putting all spouses in a one size fits all box. We all have different needs and the military should adapt to those needs as we adapt to those of the military. We may not like it, but at the end of the day we do it. I mean, the military has told me time and time again how I'm such a valued member of their family, I'm just waiting for them to show it with action!
I found this piece very contradictory. While criticizing stereotypes, she put her choices of career above that of being a mother, furthering the stereotype that women who stay home with their kid's are less than: less intelligent, less educated, of less worth. What rubbish! For the record, I've been assumed to be an officer's wife because of my age, how I dress, my manners, and my vocabulary. As an ombudsman I saw a wide variety of enlisted wives from Jerry Spring Show fodder to well-spoken managers of home and/or business. I can't say I've seen officer's wives looking or acting trashy out in public. Certainly it's easier to look nice on officer's pay, but it's not necessary to go out looking sloppy because of enlisted pay. On our base I've seen way too many sloppy, trashy dressing spouses. It's a shame that all enlisted spouses get judged by those who stand out for the wrong reasons.
I am an Active Duty enlisted Soldier. I am also a military spouse and a Mother. I just finished by Masters Degree and when people would find out that I had my Bachelors and was working towards my Masters they would always ask "why am I enlisted and not Officer?". I like being enlisted, I get to do my job and not shuffle between benchmarks that I have to hit in order to make the next rank (usually out of my career field). I can also say that as both a Soldier and a spouse that they seem to be viewed as mutually exclusive. I am forgotten as a spouse by my Husband's unit or I am forgotten as a Soldier. My husband was asked if I could volunteer for his unit, he told them no because I work. His unit asked if I could take the day off from (what they assumed was an hourly job somewhere), he told them "No, my wife is a Soldier" and they looked at him dumbfounded.
Unfortunately, there are enough spouses (on both the Officer and enlisted, male and female sides of the fence) to make this stereotype ring true. There have been times when I have been up all night with the baby, have gone to PT then to work, then home (while my husband was deployed or TDY) for an entire week. I still managed to get myself dressed and put the baby in clothes in order to go to the PX or the commissary to get what we needed. To me, there is no excuse for looking sloppy. It takes no longer to put on a pair of (non-ripped) jeans or khakis and a sweater or blouse and flats than it does to put on ratty jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. As one advances in rank there is an unspoken dress code of sorts when the Service Member is not in uniform; this should apply to spouses as well. While a (non-military her/himself) spouse does not wear the rank, they do represent it as well as the military.
Basically what Amanda is trying to say here is is that, regardless of ur rank in the military there should be no differences wedge between the two when they all fight the same fight but play different roles. Just like out here in the civilian word, people attend to look at u and judge u by ur status in life. How the hell u gonna judge me because I make 37k a yr and u making six figures. Everyone takes different paths in life for our own reason, but each of us have our own unique character which keeps us standing out from the rest. I think it's childish to judge someone by whether the r enlisted or an officer because at the end of the day who's really doing the dirty work to save ur sorry asses while u sit back and become obese In the green zone..