When Army Staff Sgt. Terry Achane was accepted into the Army’s Drill Sgt. school, he left his pregnant wife behind in Texas while he PCSed to South Carolina. The couple’s communication was, at the very least, not very good, and the pair gives conflicting stories about just how what happened next went down. But two things are clear:
First, the child’s mom and Achane’s wife, Tira Bland, “felt alone and abandoned.” And, second, she put the baby up for adoption without his knowledge or consent.
When the couple finally connected over the phone four months after the birth (you can read all about the he-said, she-said here regarding why they didn’t talk while she was pregnant or afterwards), Achane was astounded to learn that his baby girl had born and given up for adoption. The law in Utah allows for adoptions in some instances without the father’s consent.
Achane said he was dumbfounded by the news and called the Adoption Center of Choice that same day seeking information about his child, which they declined to provide. An attorney for the agency subsequently contacted Achane and asked him to consent to the adoption. He refused and intervened in the adoption proceeding the Freis initiated in July 2011, which culminated in a two-day hearing in October.
The adoptive parents, who are not affiliated with the military, have declined to return the baby to her biological dad. Achane and the adoptive family are now going through a legal fight, each claiming the best interest of the child.
But let’s focus on two things — first the mom, then the dad.
Since there’s no way to know what actually happened — whether Bland really was abandoned by Achane and feared that she would be left a single mom (something she said she had experienced in the past) like she says, or whether Achane was continuing to support and attempt to contact her, like he says — let’s just assume that Bland did, in fact, feel abandoned when Achane left to start their PCS, like she says.
First, as a commenter here and our friend Janine Boldren (very wisely) pointed out to us, there is no reason for any spouse to ever feel abandoned — at least financially. As an Army wife (they have since divorced), she had rights to housing help, parental support and more. Contacting his command would’ve been enough to get his forced assistance, if necessary.
But perhaps her feelings were more about emotional than financial abandonment. Who among us hasn’t felt just a little alone (whether rightfully or wrongly) during a long separation? Still, you have to wonder what she expected from a life as an Army wife. And adopting out their child without his consent wasn’t the right solution to those feelings.
Second, this case highlights a battle many servicemembers wage to maintain their parental rights over the course of PCS moves, deployments and TDYs. How do you make sure your kid’s caretaker stays within the law when you’re far away and not watching them? How can you make sure your wife doesn’t adopt out your children?
So tell us what you think. The father and the adoptive parents are now battling over who gets to keep the child, and the results could set some serious legal precedence with consequences for more than just military dads looking to make sure their children still belong to them when they get back.
Is the dad right to want his kid back? Is he right to expect his wife to wait for him regardless of their communication? Or was his wife’s reaction — feeling alone and trapped between choosing life as a single mom or adopting out her kid — reasonable?
About Amy Bushatz
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When you get pregnant and have a child, you don't throw it away, because your "perception" of your marriage is not a good one. She knew she had rights as a military spouse….they all do. I believe she did this of of spite, and has no conscience! I was a single mom on active duty in the military, and it sickened me, when I would listen to all the "new" military wife's talking about how they were entitled to everything, so you can bet she knew! Question, the article said she had been "abandoned" before….Hmmm, did she throw that child away too?
"She knew she had rights as a military spouse…" Speaking in absolutes is a fallacy. I have met my fair share of ignorant servicemembers as well as their ignorant spouses. You don't know either of them personally, so don't say that she knew. I'm not saying she was right or wrong, but the military takes a backseat to making sure families are adequately supported, in every sense of the word support. It is not our place to judge. Too many servicemembers take their non military responsibilities for granted. Look at the big picture, no matter what the intent was behind the adoption, did you ever consider it was best for the child? Dad waits 4 months to find out his kid has been adopted. That's way too long. Mom obviously didn't want kid. Would it have been better if wife wait for husband an in the mean time neglect the infant, I think not! Until we screen people to have children, any HS dropout with no common sense can bring a life into this world and even sometimes join the military, that in my book, doesn't qualify or entitle anyone to have a child, just because your reproductive system says so.
Just remember those "ignorant service members" you reference, protect your ignorant ass and your right to call them that. P.S. It appears by your name, you are someone on the outside looking in. If you haven't been on active duty, you not your child, then your comments are null.
have you served? Prob not! Or else you wouldn't be saying that crap! A true service member never publicly calls out another one, especially like that.
Oh shut it! First of all, if you're going to quote SY, then take the whole context and not the part that fits your lame argument. She said both the service members and spouses were ignorant. And in this case she was referring to them not being aware of information, which is quite plausible in this situation. Therefore you're the one who has proved yourself ignorant. Furthermore, no one is debating the work and sacrifices that service members put forth. You jumped to that on your own. And I agree with what she said. You're statement that "she knew her rights" is an assumption on your part. Not everyone does. People only know, when they're informed and clearly, communication was not strong between these spouses. And I speak as a military of wife of an active duty member.
On the other hand, SY, your comments about "screening" and "any HS dropout" make you sound just as judgmental as you accuse Chris of being.
The fact of the matter is she did know her rights, where to get info, and help. That was admitted by her in court, and also the fact that this was not her first go around with the military. Ignorance or stupidity is not a defense, and that is what so many people are using to justify what she did or how she felt. There is no reason to be ignorant to a situation with so many tools at the palms of our hands, this is just her scapegoat along with her claim of supposedly being abandoned.
That remark is completely uncalled for! So much I would love to school you on, but this is neither the time or place for it. Grow up.
You say "Dad waited 4 months to find out his kid has been adopted"-what about the mother? Doesn't she need to take responsibility to try to communicate with him also? To let him know the baby was born & that she planned on giving it up for adoption was her responsibility and if she didn't know how to get in touch with him or a number, then she should have gotten in touch with his Commander or Family Services through the military. And how did she manage to do this without his permission? Did she lie about not knowing who the father was? The Adoption people would have known how to go about getting in touch with him, if she didn't. They both are at fault here-he should have been in contact with her, knowing she was pregnant & when that child was due to be born-unless she didn't tell him! Somehting is wrong with this picture.
I had my daughter while my husband was away at school and even though we talked everyday the doctors still proceded to treat it like I didn't talk to my husband… they informed me of all the ACS classes, New Parent Support, and gave more information on contact numbers of various places located on and around the military post to help when I felt alone. She knew the programs, all army hospitals tell you of your local programs and they give pamphlets as well specially if your alone plus the army now requires spouses to go through classes before you can leave the hospital so yes she was informed she had options to turn to… now she may have felt alone and she may have felt abandoned but at no point did she have the right to take away his rights as a dad, she would have had this planned from the start because it says he left her in Texas.. well Texas if there is a father listed on the birth certificate then she would have had to notify him and he would have to sign the papers so she obvisously went out of her to make sure she could do this without him knowing…
You're assuming she gave birth in an Army hospital. We also don't know if her husband really abandoned her financially and emotionally. This is very possible regardless to what everyone says the Army will do or the chain of command wil do. You don't have to put anyone on the birth certificate if you don't want to.
Thank you for coming on and informing everyone of the truth. This article is nothing more than a normal piece of Army wife rumor-mill gossip. https://www.facebook.com/SupportTerryAchane#!/Sup…
I agree that your spouse's unit gives out detailed info when the husband deploys, but he wasn't deployed. He was in the USA, while there's no excuse for what she did, people need to stop dismissing the fact that we have some less than perfect service members. This is the problem with the military community, they glorify service members even when they're in the wrong. Her reasons seem suspect, and her allegations of lack of support were proven wrong financially. They were already in marriage counseling before he left. I don't think anyone is trying to justify her actions by saying we have ignorant service members.
Who is claiming that this man is perfect? Are you in the military? If not, then wow, I don't know what some soldier did to you, but please stop projecting it onto this issue.
Although your first two sentences make me wanna jump up and yell "HELL YEAH". The rest of what you wrote seems to defeat the whole purpose of discussing this. It's an opportunity to learn something, to gather point of views and if we are really really lucky find or keep something like this from happening again. At the very least its a way to talk about our opinions and that's all they are is opinions cause what it comes down to is just getting it out there. When that spotlight is on you there will be opinions and talk no matter who you are.
I could not agree more. People go around popping kids out willy- nilly. I don't agree with not being responsible, but I also do not agree with knowing you don't want a child and leaving that impression on them. I have worked at foster camps and can attest that some of these kids have way better lives than ones who are sitting there with their biological parents being neglected. There's a lot about this story that doesn't add up, but not contacting the mother of your unborn child is the same damn thing as not contacting the mother of your born child. There are no excuses in today's world. And I can personally attest that 1. it is very hard to get on base if you are not married to the member and still have their child. 2.tell me how a woman who has not been given the contact information for his command contacts his command. Its is not as easy as you think. Adoption agencies have hoops to jump though too- there was obviously reason enough to go forward with the adoption without him.
Actually, if you did a simple google search you would find that it was proven in court he did attempt to contact her. She straight up admitted to the judge that she refused to answer calls from him and shut her phone off. They were also married the entire time and this was her 3rd, yes #3, marriage to a Soldier.
She did finally contact him in June 2011 when she called his commander complaining he was not giving her any money after cutting all contact. That is when she admitted what she did to their daughter.
unnecessary comment on obama smh
Sounds to me as if she was very immature-maybe she really didn't know what she could do to get the support she needed or who to contact to get it. The military is not always the best in informing the family of their rights. When my husband (retired AF) passed away, I had to find out many things by myself & if I had not known how to do many of these things, I could have missed out on some benefits.
Sorry, didn't mean to reply to your response, meant to make my own but my phone wouldn't let me.
I believe there is more to the story. They don't give specifics as to why they had poor communication and why it took him four months to contact his wife. She felt abandoned for a reason, which probably means he was cheating or expressed that he wanted to leave. Whatever the case may be, i don't agree with putting the child up for adoption. We can only assume that having a baby was the husband's idea and once he appeared to be out of the picture she didn't want to raise the baby alone. putting the baby up for adoption shouldn't be possible without the husband's consent. I can only assume that since he didn't sign the birth certificate, she claimed that he wasn't in the picture anymore. That's probably the only reason the adoption agency moved forward. I honestly believe that they should create some type of law to protect soldiers from losing their kids while deployed or away at school.
The fact that they were married when she gave birth should cancel out any adoption. One thing i find suspicious is that he knew she was due soon and didn't contact her, isn't that a bit odd? By that time you have the doctor and hospital picked out where you will deliver. Even if he couldn't contact her, he could contact the hospital or her doctor. It all sounds strange….
Although I think that she should have informed the father, I have to disagree with a few things. What is it with this crazy notion that spouses "know" what they are getting into before they marry a military member? Really? How would they know? Is there a school for this? I've heard people say this before and that's as foolish as saying that anyone should know what it's like to be married period. How?
In addition, I truly think that you're experience with birthing and raising children alone is a great testament to your strength and abilities, but that doesn't speak for everyone. I have done it and am doing it now, but it's not for the faint of heart and we don't know this woman's emotional or mental state. I would rather she give the child up (after consulting the father) than to mistreat, neglect, or resent this child. There are too many horrible stories out there of children on doorsteps, in dumpsters, or drowned.
As far as the adoptive parents, I am with you all the way. they are being selfish and if they get to keep this child, she is going to wonder about her biological parents one day. What are they going to say then? The honorable thing to do is give her back.
In response to your comment "How would she know what she is getting into by marrying a military member"…first I can agree that no one knows for sure what they are getting into. However there some things you do KNOW for sure, your spouse may have to leave from time to time (it is his duty)! Its like joining the military, some people go through training and realize it's not what they expected. These decisions have to do with the individual and their level of knowledge and strength. As a military wife it makes me angry when I hear that spouses (service members or civilians) cheat or try to harm themselves because they feel alone. There is no excuse…MARRIAGE is about the couple (each individual plays a part). As a military wife I know my part, to SUPPORT my husband! Why? Because he would do the same for me. He as also supported me in getting my Master's and wanting to be a career mother and wife. A marriage is about sacrifice and we both have made some. But we love and respect each other. If you do "things" for the wrong reasons you are bound to have some down falls. I notice people on here getting upset about the "ignorance" comment…when it just means being uninformed. People should start "asking" more questions because this is the life (style) you have chosen to be apart of.
In regard to this story, from the outside looking in it is very easy for people to judge. Its sad but I will keep my "opinion" to myself because we do not know the whole story.
Easy 4 u 2 say. NOT all military spouses r aware of their rights. How many times have u been a single mother? The man contacts her 4 mos. AFTER the child is born? Was he REALLY interested in the welfare of this child?
According to his story, she wasn't paying the bills so her phone was turned off. The courts have proven that he supported her financially, but the emotional abandonment might be true. They were already in marriage counseling before he left to SC, according to her he knew she didn't want the baby. It is kind of odd that he waited to after her due date to contact her doctor and sister. He had someone drive by the house first to see if they were there, weird. He also planned to come home for the birth but they never explained why he never made the trip. He claimed he planned to come back and take her with him but he didn't. I can only assume that she didn't want him to request to go to SC and he went anyway, she didn't want the baby but he encouraged her to keep it anyway. You can make someone resent you if you force your will upon them. She's was wrong, there's no excuse.
You and your assumptions. Sometimes DS are ordered to DS school. It's not a choice. It's not "according to his story"…it is "according to facts in evidence in court and assessed by the judge". Are you Tira? Because the way you keep putting the onus on SSG. Achane is fascinating.
As a 20 year military spouse with a husband in Special Forces/Special Ops, I spent many times alone with our children. It was extremely tough at times, limited funds no knowledge of where my husband was and sometimes feeling a sense of abandonment. But being in that situation, I had a strong background of being raised in a family where commitment was the norm, not an option. I also had ( as I am unfortunately widowed) a spouse who was total family when he was with us. He was deserving of my support, love and commitment in return. Recognizing love, receiving it and giving it in return is sometimes family dynamics! One does not ever know what goes on behind closed doors either and there are some people who really are not aware of their rights. There are people who are take charge/independant, such as myself and others who absolutely cannot or will not do it because dependence is the easiest. Having God in my life was truly the answer for me and thanks to my parents for a Christian foundation! With all of that having been said was it the worst for the child to be adopted out? It does not sound like the birth mother was deserving of this precious little life either. Adoption was probably an answered prayer to this gift from God!
No. It wasn't. There is a loving father in the picture who is clearly interested in being a parent, as he has been fighting for almost 2 years to get her back.
Chris, I do so agree with you. I am the wife of a retired Army man, we've been married for over 32 yrs and if there is one thing I knew throughout our military career is that I had rights as a military spouse not to menition that there are so many sopport groups on post for spouses. I too feel she did this out of spite. . . the "I'll show him" attitude. If a parent cannot handle being a single partent for 4 months, wow! During my husbands career there were so many times due to his assignment and or due to geographic location I had to be a single parent to two young boys; this just really gets to me. . .being a military spouse or single parent takes a special kind of person, not saying that I am the best but when you become a military spouse you have to know what you may be in for!
"throwing it away" would be abortion. Placing your child in a loving home for the benefit of the child – is love.
Placing your child illegally up for adoption while hiding out and refusing to contact the father = spiteful
As an adoptive mother, and the friend of an adoptive mother who had to give their child back to the birth parents after 8 years (long story), it makes me angry that this woman toyed with all these people's lives. The birth father is just trying to fix the situation, and the adoptive parents are just trying to move on with their lives. It is a terrible situation, and one that the state should not have allowed to happen. Thankfully the child is still relatively young, unlike my friend's child who was almost 9, so hopefully there won't be too much damage either way. Odds are the birth father will get his rights back, and I can only hope they do the transition slowly, instead of ripping that baby out of one home and throwing her into another. And hopefully the father will allow the adoptive parents some sort of visitation to help with closure for all involved. If the adoptive parents are allowed to keep the baby, hopefully they will allow visitation for the father.
Having adopted a child I can not even begin to understand how the adoptive parents are justifying to themselves that them keeping this baby girl is right. Isn't it suppose to be what's best for the baby not the adults. This guy didn't know! He has every right to his daughter. I completely understand they now love this baby as their own, but when there is this situation you do what's right and that's give the baby to her father. If they could work out something that would include both adoptive parents and father that would be great, but to keep her under these circumstances is just wrong. Mother should get jail time as this is a complete violation of fathers rights and false adoption, if not just for what she has done to these people and the adoption system. If he didn't pay child support he'd face jail time. I don't see why she should get to walk from the awful position she has put everyone in,most importantly that baby girl. But you are very right if father does get to have his daughter back I really hope someone has enough sense to do the transition slowly. This woman has really pissed me off I can't imagine how the father and adoptive parents must feel.
Unfortunately, the would-be adoptive parents are dragging their feet on transition. They have defied the judge's orders a number of times. They seem to think that their deity has pre-ordained that they should adopt this child (read their blog) so they keep fighting.
BELIEVE THIS: Many military spouses r aware what's available to them as well what is involved with PCS. Plus, it was a stateside move. She had no right. How can the adoptive family not question mother about the biological father. What kind o f agency would allow this? Are we sure she didn't receive money? However, I hope the not legal adoptive parents believe in Christ. A Christian would not keep a child from one or the other parent. 26yr retired USAF female praying for the father.
well said!
i can't believe this!! i don't know what law that could be utilized…but that woman needs to be jailed for doing that!!! she had every avenue to get financial support, if she didn't shame on her. emotional abandonment? come on, he's in the service, she knew there would be deployments at some point in time. the adoption agency should have asked his occupation and if he agreed….whether it was needed or not so they would know how to proceed. if she felt he wasn't a good husband, leave him, if she didn't want the child, call him tell him to come get the baby or let him make arrangements for his parents to take the child til he can be there. as far as i'm concerned the adoptive parents have no rights here.
Linda, I understand your position, but 30 years ago, I gave birth to a baby boy. I was unmarried and planning on entering the US Army. I wanted to give him up for adoption, but my mother talked me out of doing it. I wasnt ready to raise a child all alone as I watched my own mother raise 6 alone. It was really painful to watch as she was uneducated(high school dropout) and impoverished. I was selfish and wanted my life to myself, I didnt want to repeat what I had seen. I wasnt able to enter the military because I had no one to take care of my child (not even my mother would help me), so I found myself hopping from job to job to provide. I finally did settle down to raise my son and daughter in poverty. It was tiring, often frustrating and financially taxing, but I raised them both to respect themselves and become an asset to society. I leaned on God's strength through reading the Bible. So, in short, I can truely understand why the mother went behind the father's back and gave her child up for adoption. it was her perceived struggle of raising a child alone. But what she didnt understand is that once you give birth, that child(ren) will always be your concern whether you raise them or not.
You are an idiot. She was not a single mother and the father had every right to his daughter. Even if he is in the military, as long as he is not in combat arms he can raise his kid all by himself. If the mother felt that way, she should have told him and let him decide what he wanted to do with the kid. She felt abandoned (even though only geographically) so she abandoned her child? She is going to purgatory for that. I AM adopted and I AM in the military. I understand every side to this story, and from what I gather she had no backbone. He is a SSG too, so it is not as if the military lifestyle should be brand new to her. She screwed up. If I was that baby and down the road I found out what happened to me, I would hate my birth mom forever. and my adopted parents for not giving me back to my dad when he wanted me. I have met my birth mom, I love her and I am not mad at her for giving me up, but it was a MUTUAL DECISION between my father and her. I never met my birth father because he died shortly after I was born, but I wish I could have gotten the chance.
I think the child should go to the biological father. He has done nothing wrong other than trying to support his wife and defend our country. The wife should be brought up on charges for keeping his child away from him. The father has not been proven to be an unfit parent so has not given away his parental rights. The wife says she felt abandoned, all she had to do was talk to someone from the military and she would have had all the help she needed, if in fact she needed any at all.
I've read all the published information about this case and have come to the conclusion that Bland is a self-centered, emotionally needy woman who simply wanted out. The husband was only gone 10 days before she made up her mind and started action to have their child adopted. She chose to stay in Texas. The family's expenses would have been reduced and the whole incident could have been avoided if she had gone with her husband. But I suspect she had this planned right from the start. The Utah laws need to be changed. This is an atrocity. The judge needs to get pull his head out and make the adoptive parents turn the child over or send them to jail for kidnapping.
While I agree the birth mother was very wrong for giving up THEIR daughter without Dad's consent, the adoptive parents have done nothing wrong if it was a legal adoption. They were within the law to adopt this child and should not be punished, especially jailed, for wanting to legally bring a child in to their home to love. It is the details of this case that should be looked at not the fault of two people who got trapped in the middle of an ugly marital dispute unfortunately, involving a child
The adoptive parents are 100% in the wrong. First of all, they are not adoptive parents. That petition was denied. Right now, they are simply keeping Leah against the will of her biological father and custodial parent. They were also aware of the situation prior to Leah being placed with them, still proceeded, and then when Acahne asked for his daughter back they are the ones who made this fight go on so long. He asked for his daughter in 2011, when she was a few months old. Not only this, they have 4 biological children and one adopted child. They tried to adopt Leah so they would have another Black child sibling for the adopted boy. That alone is not a good reason to adopt a child. They have also solicited over $22,000 from the public to keep a child they knew that they had no claim to.
She wasn't a first time mother though. She has a daughter from a previous relationship that Terry was also taking care of.
the adoption wasnt legal
She did what was best 4 the child. Men want children as long as they DONT have 2 take care of them 24/7. Being a parent is a job in itself. R u an offender?
This is the worst generalization i have ever seen. How can you even say this with a straight face? I know plenty of single dads taking care of their kids just fine. My dad raised me all by his lonesome and never complained that he felt abandoned nor that no one loved him, and he sure as hell wasn't going to put me up for adoption. Enough with the generalizations. Also please spell out your words. I don't take your opinion seriously when you use numbers instead of letters.
Yes, and he's fighting this hard for his child because he CLEARLY doesn't want her.
I am offended, by your use of the English language. Is it REALLY that difficult to type up those extra letters and not look like an idiot?
adoptive parents dont need to go to jail but they should give child to the childs dad since the mother went behind his back and gave up the child on her own and she should go to jail for doing that and being so self centered about her and not the baby and father
Whether or not the wife has to wait for him is not the point here. The point is no one parent should be able to give up a child for adoption without the consent of the other parent. By all means in this case the father should be able to get his child back and should be able to do so without a huge court battle. There should be no question. The only thing that should be required is a DNA to prove that he is in fact the father. He should also want that.
The law is probably in place to enable women to give children up for adoption when they either do not know the biological father or cannot find him, or if an unfit and unsupportive father chooses not to consent out of spite but does not support them.
They are abusing a good law. :(
If the mother had asked the father, he would probably say NO. But was he willing 2 drop everything and try 2 solve their family problems? Also, be willing 2 b and active parent in the life of this baby? Or is he "I want this child, but I'm not willing 2 b there 4 her" kind of parent. Everyone wants 2 b a parent without parenting obligations. Anyone can b a parent if they have that mentality. He contacts the mother 4 mos. AFTER the child was born. Did he even think about this baby the whole time he was gone?
I'm not sure you are a military spouse, Terry, otherwise you'd relize that of course he couldn't drop everything to try to solve their family problems. Military members are gone sometimes, it's just part of life, my husband was gone for 7 months of my last pregnancy because he had to, not because he wanted to. The military member can't be active in the childs life all of the time, no matter how much they want to be.
They were married. Legally he was the father regardless of genetics.
THE dad has a legal right to keep the child or he should the woman should not be able to adopt the child out without his consent that makes no sense at all.
This whole situation makes me so angry. The article stated they were married since 2009 and I just can't believe she would do this to her husband. Even if there is marital troubles, you don't do this to another person, especially to the man you supposedly loved for the past 3+ years. This was a spiteful act that shows a complete lack of maturity. She should be ashamed of herself for inflicting such pain upon her husband and the adoptive parents. The husband should get his daughter back. No one has the right to take away his right to be a father to his child.
As many social programs the military employs and promotes there are still members and families who don't take advantage of them. Many spouses don't take any initiative to find out what resources are available. What can you do? You promote, you advocate, you lecture, you send out ombudsman etc… but if the family is living in a self imposed vacuum, and probably off base they are not integrating into the support systems available. I do not know the percentages but these situations arise from time to time again. What's the answer? It's not a blame game situation as commands are doing quite possibly everything they can to get the word out. Is it in some peoples nature to not want to be associated with supporting options available. Or perhaps other underlying causes that aren't addressed in this article.
As a male spouse dependent, and husband of a past Army drill instructor, I can tell you ALL of this "programs" are a joke!!!! They offer no real support and are nothing more than a program to talk about. The drill instructor environment is volotile and the chain of command was the worst we ever experienced. The environment and school fosters cheating and adultery among the drill instructors and blind eyes are turned by all.
With that said, this lady did not have a right to do this to the child or its father.
No she didn't have the right to do this, but as you said before cheating is encouraged. This woman felt abandoned for a reason, could that reason be cheating? "Programs are a joke", so if he decided to transfer his deposit to another account, how will she receive support? The chain of command wouldn't make him help support the family so then what? He created a difficult situation and she made a bad choice under pressure. I don't believe anyone is innocent in this situation, i think everyone should take all things into consideration. She felt abandon and possibly suffered from postpartum deppression. I don't think she should bare all the blame. Keep in mind he was in the USA not deployed, so he has no excuse for not contacting his wife in four months. He obviously checked out of the situation already.
This woman wasn't abandoned. Sgt. Achane continued to pay the mortgage, utilities, phone, etc. He arranged for her to have a vehicle when she had hers repossessed. In the 10 days between the time he left and she took off, she spent about $500 from the joint bank account on fast food, beauty supplies, etc.
Utah is a haven state for predatory adoption agencies. She said in an interview that she would rather live in poverty with her child than let 'that man' raise his daughter. She left BEFORE she gave birth, not after. It was her intent to do so all along – you cannot make those kind of arrangements in 10 short days.
The adoptive couple has until Wednesday to relinquish. They've pulled out all the stops to make it as difficult as possible for Sgt. Achane.
well if the man is fighting for our country and gone with no phone contact there has to be a reason but in no way should she have been able to give up her kid if the dad was still alive and as for utah having a daddy clause i think thats bullshit he is part of the making of that child so why shouldnt he be able to make decisions based on that reason alone i think the baby should be taken away from the adoptive parents and given to the dad no matter what it takes to two to tango so why is only one allowed to say i dont want this baby and just give it away she is WRONG AND SO IS THE STATE OF UTAH AND ANY OTHER STATE THAT SAYS OH YOU CAN ADOPT WITH OUT THE OTHER PARENT HERE
Their is ALWAYS a way to get in touch with the father. He was in South Carolina, not some far mission. She could have picked up a phone and got in touch through a CO.
Instead she cut all contact with him.
Thats crazy she should go to jail and be a single cellmate. Dads have rights what a dumb bitch.
Bet it ain't his….
The courts have already established paternity of Teleah…they wouldn't be able to give her back to him if she wasn't his.
What I don't understand is why the adoption agency was not required to track down the father. They were legally married, and as a service member it would not have taken very long to locate him. Unless the woman lied, which would open a whole other can of worms, I can't see where this adoption was even legal to begin with.
Im with you. According to the stories, everyone knew that the biological father was alive but unaware of the adoption. And that he was married to the mother. In Utah there are laws allowing for something like this, but it's unclear to me how this situation fell under the parameters of them …
I was thinking the same thing since I have 3 adopted children, one from AZ, one from Haiti, and one from Hong Kong. The parents of my Asian son were married and even the Hong Kong government provided me with documentation that the father willingly gave up his parental rights. Otherwise I would never have taken the child into my home and risked setting myself up for the heartache of loosing the child.
Praises to you Victoria. We need more people like you. I know God has blessed you with these children for children are angels from God. I feel the couple should go back to the adoption agency for another baby and give the father back his child. My husband is retired from the Air Force and he was a pilot flying refuelers, and was responsible for his crew. I use to talk with wives that were unhappy about their husband's being deployed for months at a time or on alert for one week of each month, sometimes two. The squadron wives, would rally around that person and provide as much support to her as possible. Some would babysit for her, so she could have a day to herself
I'm thinking that it was allowed because he didn't sign the birth certificate and didn't contact her for four months. I don't know why their communication was poor, do you think it's possible that he expressed to her that he wanted to leave? Maybe she found out he was cheating or something, idk. I do think it's odd that he doesn't have the doctors, hospital info. He knew she was due soon, so if he couldn't get in touch with her, the doctor, her mother, the hospital, someone should be in his contacts. There's no why my husband wouldn't contact everyone in the area if i was giving birth and he couldn't reach me. It wasn't like he was deployed and couldn't get to a phone. It's just strange…..i don't agree with what she did, but something went on that's not being revealed. Either way there's no excuse for her actions.
You don't have the facts. She left 10 days after he went to his new duty station. He called all over for her and couldn't find her. He didn't know where she went. When she came back to town, relatives spotted her and reported back to Sgt. Achane that they didn't know where she was living and they didn't know what had happened to the child.
Sgt. Achane had made arrangements to take leave when she gave birth. He attended doctor's appointments. He wanted her to go with him to her next duty station but she DECLINED saying she wanted to stay near her family in Texas until the baby was born.
She LEFT TEXAS and gave birth in UTAH. At no point was that part of the plan they discussed.
For those who remember the "Baby Jessica" case from two decades ago, at least there's hope that a little girl torn between an adoptive family (DeBoers) who wouldn't give her up and dragged out legal proceedings and a biological father (Schmidt) who fought for years to get custody, will be able to get past all this and lead a relatively normal life. http://zoey24.hubpages.com/hub/Fight-for-Baby-Jes…
I have read other post on this story that said she( egg doner) did in fact give false information to the agency in Utah. So when they did try and contact the dad ( at the old texas addreess) he was not found, so he could not contest the adoption. I say DNA test because she sounds like the kind of person who would lie or cheat on her husband, then give the Father back his child once it is proved to be his. If the adoptive parents feel they have been wronged then they need to go after the adoption agency and the mother. This is just sick..
The woman should have known what she was getting into by marrying into the Army. All soldiers at one point or another are called to duty elsewhere and depending on his MOS, there's chances that the spouse isn't to know where he is at and communication may be very limited. If she didn't want that life, she shouldn't had married him and definately should not have had children with him. That poor child is the one that is going to suffer the most through this whole situation. If she had any questions or doubts about anything, her first and foremost contact should have been the the FRG (Family Readiness Group) on post. They are always there to help the spouse of a military member regardless of the situation. They could have gotten in contact with the father and helped the situation. This totally should have gone in a different direction. I feel very sorry for all involved!!
I have no sympathy for this mother that gave away the child without the father's consent. Maybe she didn't know where he was or didn't know there were avenues to take to get in touch with him, but the adoption agency would know that. I am very sure she lied to them about not knowing who the father was. What about the birth certifificate? Or did she tell them she didn't have one? I do feel sorry for the father & the adoptive family, but if he is proven to be the father, has nothing in his background to prevent him from raising a child, then, the child should go to him.
As an army wife, I agree with the first part, but as far as the FRG, every FRG I have ever been involved with have been about as useless as things can get. They have been self-centered, elitist, and gossipers who would rather spread rumors about the GI's marital problems than actually take any effort to offer help or support to the troubled couple.
As an army wife myself. You know exactly what you're getting yourself into. From the very beginning you are told what rights and privileges you have. As well as when and if any communication you will be able to have with your husband when he is sent else where. But she should've known that if for any reason she need to get in contact with her husband. All she had to do was call his commander. They would've gotten intouch with him . I believe what she did was selfish and she did it knowing how it would make him feel. Everyone knows the military is about takening care of family. So there was no way in hell she would've been alone in takening care of their child. The army would have been there the whole step of the way. She could have any gotten help from other military wives. She just chose not to !
I agree that what she did was wrong and selfish, but you should know that just because that's your experience, it's not everyones. No one every told me my rights or privileges, most of what I know I researched and read about on the internet. ACS and ArmyOneSource helped a little, but the only reason I even knew to ask them or about their existence is from my own reading. I wouldn't know to call my husband's commander, until I read what you wrote, the only thing i knew of was the red cross. Not everyone know that the military is about taking care of family because that is not everyones experience and the army is not there every step of the way. My husband has been in a year, and I must say that civilian life was easier and the resources were much easier to find and use. The Army is not a bad life, but you do have to search for support.
You made a key point that I have to agree with. "YOU RESEARCHED" you know to often people get involved with something, wether because of the glamor or excitement of the life. However people hardly ever do research on what they are signing up for. They then trun around and act surprised when its not the life they assumed it to be.
Since reading this story I started looking up (google.com is a hellified informaiton source.) The assemsent I am making on what I found, I will say she knew what she was doing when she went to Utah to put the baby up for adoption. Of course neither side discuss whether he cheat or if there was some other problem not named. The facts are listed that they gave him orders for both of them to go to SC she elected to stay in Texas while he was at school (I am prone to think this was a mutual agreement between them) Once he was gone she move to Utah.
The adoption agency didnt make this situation any better by following thru with the adoption, if the adoptive parents found the father (who by the way told them that he would not consent to giving up his rights) they how hard did the agency really look. What I think is they took the mother at her word and assumed that the father was a dead beat. When it comes to the adoptive parents, who are trying to raise money for legal fees to keep a child that a judge has ordered them to return, they should just return the child to the parent that obiviously wants her. With all the wragleing going on about the baby one is left to wonder if the Mother (Mrs. Bland) accepted money for giving birth to the baby and turning the baby over to the Fries. I mean think of how fast the adoption went thru no real searching a ready made family that she felt totally confortable with (this is just my opinion there is not facts supporting this thoughts).
The adoption was not finalized as Sgt. Achane was able to get to Utah in time to stop it. The baby should have been turned over to him the moment he contacted the agency. The judge in this case is mortified at what they've put him through.
Wow these are some strong feelings for none of us to know the parties involved or be able to know the whole of a situation. Its easy to say what one would never do. She had choices and so did he. Its difficult for me to believe that anyone who wanted that child could be MIA for such a significant amount of its life. Branding a woman you don't know and assailing her character while giving this man a free pass because he is the service member. Put down the torches and pitchforks people. The situation is sad for everyone but please be objective.
I'm sure the service members in Afghanistan will be happy to know that they don't want their children because they are unable to come home for 7-12 months. This is what you are saying isn't it? There are many deployments that don't allow family members to go along. Life in the service is not 8 hrs a day 5 days a week, go where you want.
No that is not what I am saying at all and I believe you know it. I am a 10 yr navy spouse. My husband is gone most of the time. He missed half of my pregnancy and didn't get back until our daughter was 4 months old. Even underway in a war zone he contacted me as much as possible. I never felt abandoned or alone. People who make extreme decisions often do it out of desperation. Even bad choices when under duress are not easy to make. I am saying that there are two sides to every story.
I agree with you, makessensetome. Soldiers who attend DS school have access to phones and internet. He had opportunities to contact his wife, so why didn't he? I think too many people are jumping on this woman (though, in a way, I think *some* of it is justified), they should also be questioning the service member as well! There's no way this was one sided!
He says he did. She says he didn't. And the truth is ______?
Yep I agree, Amy. There's too much "he said she said" going on. They both sound like immature idiots.
Agreed. Either way both parties are wrong. It's real easy to point the finger these days.
The truth is that you need to read all of the actual reports before writing an extremely poor blog on partial information. This has gone through court and it was found with proof that Tira was financially supported by Terry. She admitted in court, under oath, that she refused to take any calls and refused to contact him. The courts ruled in Terry's favor for 1 big reason, SHE LIED. She cut contact and left 10 days after he went to Ft Jackson.
"McDade found that Achane could not be said to have consciously abandoned or failed to provide for or develop a relationship with his child since her whereabouts were unknown to him until months after her birth and his wife, the Freis and the adoption agency "deliberately thwarted" any opportunity for him to have a relationship."
That's bull when my husband was in DI school I heard from him maybe 5 times during his training. And not a lack from him wanting to call daily or at least more often then what he was allowed. That was just part of the training along with the job, its not like you see your spouse often while they are a DI. Doesn't matter either way. She still does not have the right to dismiss his rights because he didn't call her often enough or because she felt abandoned. That is her issue. This is about a woman giving away a PERSON when there are two of them that have to make that decision, not her alone. This wasn't a boyfriend (which would still be wrong) but her husband. Some where along the lines she lied, and the state dropped the ball.
Google it – he tried to contact Bland but she wouldn't answer her phone. She evaded his attempts at contact.
He wasn't deployed, he was in USA and could contact his wife at any time. He knew her due date, hospital, doctor, mother's number, something. It's suspicious to me, i think her actions were horrible, but i do believe he intended to leave her. We don't have specifics, but this isn't something that happens over night. People are really quick to bash other wives, but never hold the husband responsible for his part in all this. The whole situation makes me upset. This is cause and effect, because the husband hurt the wife, the wife hurt him and now he's trying to get his child back. Which is hurting the couple that adopted her. It will probably hurt the agency for taking the case in the first place. Situations like this are avoidable if people would just treat their spouses right.
She cut off all contact, turned off her phone, and refused to talk to him. Her family also would not answer questions, nor would her doctor. It was all proven in court.
Ssg. Achane made arrangements to bring Ms. Bland with him; however, she changed her mind and decided to stay in Texas for the duration of her pregnancy. Ten days after his departure, she decided to give up the baby. Ten days!!! Also, he continued supporting her financially, as well as attempted to remain in contact with her. She cut off all contact. That is why he did not know when Teleah was born.
Just because he is in the U.S. doesn't mean he could contact her, drill instructor school is very hard kind of like basic, and even if there are phones or computers nearby which there might not be ( there are special post just for training that are like that. ), you would be very busy and exhausted everyday. I'm not saying yay or nay but the wife's actions are extremely suspect to me. I feel the worst for the adopting parents and the baby.
"People are really quick to bash other wives, but never hold the husband responsible for his part"? I'm sorry but that's complete bull****. In most custody cases the woman wins, not because she is the better parent but because she is the mom. If a woman is abused by her husband he can go to jail. If he is the one abused it is ignored. Women are allowed to do just about anything they want without worrying about legal blame. Yes this situation is messed up and there are too many unknown factors, but to say that husbands are never held responsible is ridiculous.
He wanted her to come with him to his duty station but she declined saying she wanted to give birth in Texas – near family. He didn't abandon her.
Ten days later she was in Utah preparing to give her child up for adoption. She gave birth 2 weeks early (likely induced) at a location that she and her husband never discussed. He looked for her for months and enlisted every fiend and relative he could think of. She finally contacted him and admitted what she had done. He contacted the agency the same day.
Say what?!? It sounds like both parties involved are immature and not ready for marriage or parent hood.
Still, they have a child together!
How can you make sure your wife doesn’t adopt out your children?
Really? That's an easy one: Make sure you know the woman you marry well enough to know that they wouldn't give your children up for adoption. It def. seems like they didn't know one another well enough, and they certainly don't love one another (which not everyone thinks is a prerequisite for marriage, I know) I'm sure if he knew she was the type of person who would give away his child he wouldn't have married or impregnated her in the first place.
There's a lot of things we don't know when we choose a mate or spouse. How do u know the MAN will stay and help u raise the children they procreate together? It's a gamble. I think it took him 2 long 2 come back and find out what she had (a girl) and what was going on? Maybe he was 2 busy with HIS career.
You shouldn't marry or have a baby with a man you aren't sure will stay and help you raise a child either, it's a two way street. I would trust my husband with my life and I was absolutly sure I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life before we married and had our children. I was sure he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life raising a family with me, not a gamble at all. He is a military man, so of course he is busy with his career, he can't just call or come back whenever he wants to.
She took off to a place they didn't discuss and had the baby in a place he didn't know to look for her. He looked in places he thought she would or should be. None of their friends and relatives knew where she was staying or what happened to the baby.
The agency informed the Frei family (the adoptive couple) were informed from the beginning that the father was not onboard and if he found out before the adoption it would be 'a problem.'
As the story reiterates many times – there is no way to know the complete truth and facts can get clouded. I dont agree with any mother that is married, to put her child up for adoption. If she is single, and has no means to care for her child, then I would say that is a better alternative to abandoning them, or worse, killing them. The fact remains she was married, and her husband was gone away for service reasons, there is no excuse for her to do what she did. I will have to play devils advocate in this situation, because I am a former Army spouse, and even though I am a Navy vet, and have been married previously to a Navy member, I found that the Army has the worst resources for families. They promote the families of soldiers but that is only lip service, I have nothing good or positive to say about the command and filtering down info to the families at all. So in light of what I do know about this story, I would have to agree that the Army does not take care of its own, nor the families of its own, unlike the Navy, and Marine Corps, don't know about Air Force. The command and the JAG have a tendency to work hand in hand with one another and they don't lookout or help family members AT ALL. I don't care what any one says here. I live in America, and I have Freedom of Speech. So haters keep hating, and don't reply with a negative comment. The Army should of been aware of the situation way before he left to school or whatever he says, if there was potential for neglect and abuse it would of already been noted and the ACS would of already been on it, but like I said, Active Army folks, and Army Civilians pretty much sit on their thumbs till somebody kicks em to the curb….or something like this happens….Wake up
As a commander of multiple units, my last having over 7,300 Soldiers, I can attest that the Army takes care of its own. I have encountered many situations where the service member, the spouse and both have experienced abuse, financial issues, addiction, court cases, false testimonies, police intervention, lies, etc. Myself and my leaders have spent untold number of hours working with Soldiers and family members and visited them in hospitals, addiction treatment facilities, jails, detention facilities, etc. I have taken/recommended disciplinary action for military members and called to testify in the civil cases against/for both service members and spouses. I have seen numerous spouses not want to get involved, turn down opportunities to learn, and dismiss any help when offered. Finally, if someone encounters a "lack of support" at facilities, they can ask someone else for help at the facility (ACS, etc), their Spouses commander, the Inspector General, Family Support Group leader, etc.
Army Leader (2 of 2)
I have worked with hundreds of professionals who pour their heart out every day supporting Soldiers and Family members; ie. medical care, victim advocates, substance abuse counselors, financial advisors, ACS employees, Doctors/Psychiatrist, etc. Additionally, I have emphasized myself, and throughout my lower leaders, Soldiers and Family members, to use the assets available and developed ways to communicate to them with great success. We also tracked every Soldier / Family that was at risk or needed assistance to ensure they received it.
I have no idea what unit your spouse was in or at what time, but I have been in for over 22 years and have seen the amount resources (people, money, information, etc) the Army has devoted to support for Soldiers, Families, Dept of the Army Civilians. I can guarantee that the Army (Military) has more assets available than most/almost all civilian companies. So don't comment in absolutes about the Army
MORE LIP SERVICE!!! I AM AN 8 YEAR ARMY VET AND A 10 YEAR MALE ARMY SPOUSE. THE SERVICES OFFERED ARE A JOKE!!!! YOU DID ALL THOSE THINGS BECAUSE YOU HAD TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU CARED. YOU ARE FULL OF IT JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE CLUELESS ARMY LEADERS AND CHAIN OF COMMAND.
One gets out of any relationship, personal, professional, social, what they are willing to put into it. I am a retired Army vet of 25+ years serving in personnel administration. Service members are 'sponsors' of their family members who receive considerable benefits. The relationship between the Branch and family is based primarily on the member/sponsor and the family relationship. Any family member has access to services through the chain of command, medical, ACS and others as iterated by Army Leader. The assistance received is also based on the cooperation of the family members seeking that assistance. There is a saying, 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease,' which is true in any case. As for me, I took care of soldiers because I cared about doing so, not because I had to and I believe my efforts were appreciated.
I've been around the military my whole life in one aspect or another and I've ALWAYS found them to be helpful. Sorry things didn't work out for you, but don't generalize because you didn't have an ideal experience.
I would like to first say that as a army wife, My ex husband stopped financially supporting me and my daughter completely for almost a year due to the fact that he was abusing me and didnt want me to have any access to anything of his. I had to find a home by myself and was supported by a friend of mine until I could recover from a surgery I had. As for the chain of command, i wish people would stop giving the chain of command such credit. I know that when I was being abused and hurt at home, they turned their heads and just told my ex husband to deal with it. They not only gave me NO help, they told me to "keep Quiet" and after he got arrested for a choking me out and screaming in my face on post, they didnt do any type of action, they actually promoted him a week later. So I have NO faith in the army and them helping spouses when needed. Im sure there is units out there who actually support the spouse in situations, but I also know that they can be very unhelpful.
WOW, that's really unfortunate and i really hate that you had to go through it. I appreciate your honesty, i'm glad to see someone that's not jumping straight to bashing this woman without all the facts. Although i don't agree with her putting this child up for adoption without her husband's consent(if that is true) i know soldiers don't treat their wives right all the time. It seems that this woman caught him cheating or he expressed that he wanted to leave. He never contacted her on her due date, her doctor, hospital, mother, etc? He obviously didn't care and was prepared for her to do all the work. I believe both parties are guilty, things would be so much easier if spouses would treat each other right.
Wow! The Air Force would not tolerate that! I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I hope life is much better now. Hugs!
Huh! What wouldn't the Air Force tolerate? My niece was sexually abused at the age of 5 while on a school bus for the school on an Air Force Base, by another child of Air Force parents. My niece's parents raised holy hell with the base and the school about it, and they wouldn't even make sure that boy didn't sit with her anymore, much less kick him off the bus! So her parents ended up pulling her off the bus and transporting her personally to school every day and back. And all parties involved with military, Air Force families. The Air Force tolerates a lot.
@Angel, I totally agree with you on the chain of command. It seems that nobody(people outside of the body of Christ) cares anymore.
I understand where you come from I myself was abused by my ex husband and his command didn't help me they too said to keep quiet a friend told me about acai and cid and they took care of it even when he pcsed to ft. Hood and he got kicked out with an article 15
Frightening!
You know, its not always the woman's fault. Maybe she didn't even want the baby and the husband forced her to continue with the pregnancy. There are also plenty of reasons not to PCS with your husband. My husband's career does not define who I am or my lifestyle. I plan on sitting out the next PCS so I can establish a career and get a law degree. You have to put your needs first. Personally, I would have aborted it.
Good luck with that, you sound very, very self-centered perhaps that is why you bond so well with this said "mother".. "Forced her to keep the baby….." are you kidding me??? In the ODrama nation where it is easier to get an abortion than dental care, please!!!!!! My husband's career never defined me, I just had to work harder to make mine work where WE were.
Way to go political nut! Take that crap to the correct thread. Being selfish started with Obama? Oh boy, you're a sad individual. Are you so brainwashed that you can't have a simple conversation and stay on the subject? Your political opinion shouldn't spill over into every issue.
She never said selfishness started with Obama…comprehend what you read before you comment….just stated it is easier to abort than get dental care under Obama, referencing the national health care….again, comprehend what you read before replying…you'll look more intelligent if you do…
If that were the case, it would have been said in all the claims made…she felt separation anxiety…not the first time, either…the woman needed counseling or other mental assistance…I've seen such anxiety with my own eyes and what it can do…as for aborted "it" is a lack of feeling…sorry, but to me killing an unborn child that is dependent on you for survival is wrong…that child has as much right to a life as you or anyone else does…what if someone said maybe you should have been aborted? Would that offend you? I would hope so…If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex, not have sex and destroy the gift of life that happens because it is inconvenient or unwanted…if it is unwanted, just don't screw and risk getting pregnant…that's called common sense…..
You're more than a little confused. This isn't about the career of one person defining who someone else is. It's also not about PCS'ing with the spouse. It's also not about someone "forcing" someone to continue with a pregnancy because that simply isn't given in the facts. Putting a "Maybe" in front of of a statement doesn't make it part of he analysis. The truth is that this is about a very fractured relationship where communication was EXTREMELY POOR. She was heavily influenced by HER FEELINGS and HER PRIOR EXPERIENCE. She is the one who took the action of adoption. She is the one who signed the papers for adoption. It is only logical to believe that she was also asked a some point during the process about the identity or the situation of the father. What did she say? The only logical conclusion is that this woman needs serious psychological help, and she has done a serious wrong to her husband, to her child, and to the adoptive parents. If you can't see it, then you have a problem. You might go for a law degree, but you won't pass a bar exam or make a competent lawyer with faulty logic like you show in this case. Don't give up your currnt job, if you have one.
Lady, I could see that you are a spoil brat, but beside that "COMMITMENT" is the responsibility of every couples that start having sex, if you can't handle it never ever open your legs cause if you bring a child into this world dreams and goals could be hold, but with sacrifice and willing anything could be accomplish.
gokumonster: Monster seem to fit your image as murder would be your solution. Yes that is what abortion is. There was a time when I was young and not fully educated that I believed that a woman's body was hers and hers alone, that it was her body and if she wanted to abort that was her right.. I changed my mind on that when I was enrolled in an entomology class in college that had on display aborted fetuses and embryos in preserved state that were clearly identifiable humans, some not much bigger then a large thumb all the way up to near full term. This was a real eye opener to me and amazingly also for the young women who attended these classes. Since the Roe vs Wade ruling more than 56,000,000 abortions have been performed in the United States. Currently over 1,300,000 a year are being aborted. No doubt that there were probably a number of potential Einsteins in such large number Killings. I realize that I strayed from from the subject of adoption that was being addressed in this article. Another point worth mentioning is the point you made concerning your husbands career not defining who you are or your life style. I for one wonder why you got married in the first place, if it is so paramount that you have to put your need first. My chief concerns of importance has always been my families welfare first. Yes, my military career spanned over thirty-five years, therefore I am quite cognizant and acutely aware of the hardships imposed on a marriage due to long deployments and separations. One thing for sure long distance separations make the heart grow quite fond. I hope that you take my message to you in a positive manner as that is my intentions.
I completely agree with you, one of the most coherent answers I've read in this article.
I agree. I've had an abortion and am eternally grateful that I had that choice. Unfortunately, not all women have access and are often pressured into having a child when they should not, and also to keep it when they should not. I don't know the particulars of this case, but it seems that many people are judgmental to the point of saying that even adoption is not an option for women who feel they can't handle having a child. The issue now is between the biological father and the adoptive parents, so maybe we can all stop dogpiling on the biological mother who did what she felt was best for her and the child at the time. I knew your comment would bring all of the crazies out of the woodwork, and it's sad to see that there are still plenty of people who see women as simply adjuncts to their husbands. Women are individuals, and we should all be granted the freedom to behave as individuals, not simply as "support" and a uterus with legs. Being an individual doesn't start with the fertilization of an egg any more than being an individual woman doesn't STOP with having one of your eggs fertilized.
At the same time, she did have the choice to give Leah to her father and move on with her life. How would that have been any different than giving her child away to total strangers? I'm pro choice ALL the way, but what she did was wrong plain and simple and she clearly did it for spite. She said, "I'd rather see Leah struggle with me than be with her father." It wasn't about the baby, it was about her not wanting to have 2 children and possibly be a single mother.
Though I am pro choice I also know I am an individual woman not an extension of my husband or his career even though being a military family is a life style. I am supportive to him as he is to me. Either way this isn't the topic or the situation pertaining to this woman and what she did. She didn't do what was best for the baby she did what she wanted for herself. This was nothing more then an act of a giant vengeful temper tantrum that played with other peoples life.
This wasn't the case here. The woman was not abandoned. She abandoned him and deliberately kept her plans secret.
all this talk about how dare her do this to her husband, an so on an so forth….. this was a cruel act on her part to the child! the child did nothing to deserve to be throw into this situation, she should be in trouble for child abuse, and as far as the adoptive parents, they knew when they took her the situation was sticky and should have expected something to come up, an i would honestly throw this back on the adoption agency, they should have better screening tactics! Poor man, an im sorry but if you didnt want kids, or the responsibility that goes with them, if you an your spouse happen to separate, then you shouldnt have them! there is no going thru with a pregnancy all the way to the end, then deciding on your own, oh well im married, but i think i will give this baby up just to cause a crazy life for this child an the man i married, an just so happen to be mad at!! she need help, very expensive HELP!!
As a military spouse of 21 and 1/2 years I know what it is like to feel alone; however I also knew all command information. To give a child up for adoption without the fathers knowledge is unacceptable by all means. If her husband was not communicating with her why did she not reach out to the command? New laws and precedents needs to take place to stop this from ever happening again. He is at fault just as we’ll, what kind of man leave his spouse and not communicate with her for months. Even those in harms way communicate every now and then. Sad case bring the baby home to her father.
So sad, the worst thing n this is the law of that state. These people were married, out of all the resources provided on military installations, she had the audacity to use excuse of feeling abandoned, the soldier is also wrong n this for the no communicatio, but still she had no right. Suppose this soldier had just come out of a hot zone and he gets home to that, she could have been killed, I’m just speechless, but I blame the law of that state
He tried to contact her. She cut off all contact and cleaned their joint account out. It was all proven in court.
He was in contact with her until she cut off contact with him. She left town 10 days after he reported to his next duty station. She declined to accompany him because she said she wanted to give birth in Texas near family. He continued to pay the mortgage, utilities, and she had access to the joint bank account as well.
Utah is a haven state for predatory adoption agencies. The laws here do not favor putative fathers. In this case however, Sgt. Achane was married to the birth mother and he has de facto rights. The moment she told him what she had done he contacted the agency and demanded his daughter. They should have relinquished immediately.
In Utah there are perks to being part of the dominant culture. It's all in who you know. It doesn't hurt that Mr. Frei is an attorney with a prominent company in the area.
She obviously was not involved with the military community there in Utah. When my husband left for a year I went back to Hill, where we were previously stationed, and was provided with nothing but support from all members of the military and civilian support network, even though my husband wasn't stationed there. In fact, the military community at Hill is BY FAR the best community I have been involved in. Whatever her motivations or her intent, the real issue is the child. I feel for every innocent involved, especially the adoptive parents who have done nothing wrong and the poor child. What a horrible situation.
She didn't live in Utah. She lived in Texas. She only came to Utah to give birth.
ok, so everyone has an opinion about the mom. Let's see why the father of the baby did not check on the welfare of the woman carrying his child number 1. His defense will have to show how much contact he had. 2 where did she get her Dr appts- was it paid for by the military?.3 Who contacted who in regards to advising the father she had been put up for adoption- the wife. If so she did have access to telling him about his baby, so if that was the case she should have given him the choice to have custody of his child if she did not want the baby.4 It is true know who you are marrying cause you never know.
Exactly. He had access to info, doctors, hospital she was delivering, etc. He wasn't deployed( don't know why people keep saying that) he was in the USA. If he couldn't get her at home, he had other ways to reach her. He knew her due date but wasn't concerned, really? It sounds like he had already left the picture and was expecting her to keep a baby he wanted. An adoption doesn't happen over night, there were other problems going on that the article leaves out. They are both wrong. People are blaming the adoption agency but they can only go by the info that the mother provides. Sometimes when soldiers leave their wives they do everything possible not to pay or help until you make them through their chain of command. This seems like revenge, so he probably was cheating….
He did try to find out info about her dr visits and info about delivery, but that is dr patient confidentiality. He was not allowed that information. When he found out through her family what she had done he called the same day to find his daughter. She also did admit in court to avoiding his phone calls and when she didn't pay the cell bill she avoided him when he went through family members. He did support her financially also in court documents.
No he didn't. She LEFT TEXAS where she had told him she wanted to give birth and ran off to Utah (somewhere they'd never discussed) just 10 days after he left for SC.
She wasn't anywhere he expected to be or with anyone they both knew. She cut off contact with him and he spend 3-1/2 months looking for her.
You've never experience Utah adoption law. It's a haven state for predatory adoption agencies. They import birth mothers from all over the country to hide them from the putative fathers. In this case however, the couple were married.
Mom cut off all contact within 10 days of his reassignment.
1. Defense showed phone records attempting to contact mom, contacting hers and his family, contacting doctors, etc.
2. She delivered the baby under Tricare, the military healthcare.
3. The mom finally contacted Terry in June 2011, 3 months after the baby was born, to complain to his command that he was not giving her money. This is when she finally admitted what she did. He started fighting to get his daughter that day.
4. This was her 3rd Army spouse at the age of 26.
The adoption agency should be shut down!!! This same agency is responsible for several other adoption mishaps as well as surrogacy issues. They have used very unfair practices and threats to birth moms struggling with their decision. They have even threatened to deem them unfit to keep their other children if they change their minds about the adoptions!!
Did anyone considers the mental stability of this woman? mental illness is it just something military servicemen suffer from, where are high number for spells is with the same issue. perhaps the long separation couples with the pregnancy, drove her over the edge. who is absolutely no excuse what she’s done
Right, postpartum depression could be a factor here. If you don't have anyone there to help you this could be the end result.
It's only post partum if it is after the baby. She started the adoption process 10 days after he left, a month before she delivered the child in a premature induction well before her due date.
Again no. I saw and read her interviews with the press after this all came out. She's a vindictive piece of work and knew that this was the best way to hurt her (now) ex-husband.
This mom was flat wrong. The adoptive parents are wrong. They knew there was a chance this man would want his child (watched on CNN). The adoptive parents need to give this child back. The mom should have to pay any legal fees involved. She knew how to contact him if it was necessary. I don’t care if he never called her. She was wrong.
I am a veteran and now an army spouse. This story is very disturbing and has a lot of holes in it. The only side that seems to matter is thatof the service member. My husband is currently a Drill Sergeant. This man was not “deployed” he PCSed to another state for school and it sounds as if it was a PCS in route so he was no longer a part of the unit in Texas.The spouse stayed in Texas and was still pregnant. But the service member didn’t know his child was adopted until 4months after birth. DS school is only 3 months I talked to my husband almost every day and he Skype with our children at least 2x a week the only tine we didn’t speak was when he was in the field. So that means he didn’t communicate with her at all. Which is crazy. She is wrong for giving the child up for adoption. But we cannot say what she knew or what happened because we were not there. Hopefully the right decision will be made and all parties involved are in my prayers.
She had been very familiar with military life as he was not her first husband or first time being a military spouse
WOW, You just cleared up a lot of holes in this story. So he was done with school and never contacted his wife until a month later. Wonder if he was living with a girlfriend, thinking his wife was too stupid to know? He claims he continued to support her financially, but i doubt it. There was nothing making him do that, they can change their bank account. Deployed is different from PCS so people need to stop comparing the two. He assumed that she would raise the baby, even though he provided no financial or emotional support. No ones takes into consideration that she probably suffered from postpartum deppression as well as abandonment issues. The way she went about it was wrong, but he created a difficult situation and she made a bad choice under pressure.
His school started Feb 1, 2011. She was induced prematurely by the adoption agency hospital almost 4 weeks before her due date March 1, 2011. She cut all contact with him 10 days after he left to report. He had approved leave to come home for the birth, but she left to Utah and would not get in touch with him. She told him she wanted to deliver near her family in Texas before moving to SC. All of this has been proven in court. Please read all of the info because this blog does not show any part of the story.
I think it's safe to assume that a Soldier did TNB wrong and that's why they post the way that they do. Most of her posts are in reference to Terry possibly cheating or being otherwise to blame for the actions of his wife.
I have 3 adopted children, and I would NEVER have accepted custody of them until I was certain that both parents had willingly terminated their parental rights. So my question is: why in the world did the adoptive parents not wonder why there was no documentation from this married woman's husband terminating his rights??? What were they thinking???
My first thought was OMG!! Seriously? That just sounds vindictive and you really have to wonder why. I didn’t even know there was any state you could adopt out a child without a serious effort to the find father. If you want to change your name you have to put out ads in the local newspapers to make sure no one’s looking for you. To file for divorce from an absent spouse you have to do the same thing. How can you put a child up for adoption without an effort to find the father? BTW I am a female navy veteran. A service that has frequent, long term deployments. I’ve heard lots of stories of non military husbands and wives going astray during their spouse’s long deployments and getting dear John (and I guess now dear Jane) letters, but this is definitely the first time I’ve heard of someone losing a child to adoption while away. Also, as pointed out there are so many ways to get the help you need from an uncooperative military spouses, a call to their command usually solves any problems.
That's not always true, but the Navy chain of command might be different.
Please read the source article. The birth mother gave false contact information to the agency in the beginning. She didn't want him to contacted, because she knew he would not consent. The agency was aware that he wouldn't consent, as were the birth parents. This case has been well documented. http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
The adoption agency is about to lose it's license. It was already on a provisional when this happened.
It should happen to a few more.
I know this is petty but in MY opinion…where did he PCS to and does that post have no communication opportunities…? My soldier and I have PCSd all over, together and apart, and there is no need for a 4 month communication gap! There just isn’t! Plain and simple. I do not agree that she adopted their daughter out without notifying him (horribly wrong! bad form lady!) but how did he NOT know…? He didn’t know she was pregnant? He knew she was and didn’t bother to check in with her? I honestly believe neither party was right and the only that matters is that little girl.
Read the referenced article. It states that the father attempted to contact the wife and he got no answer likely because she wasn't taking his calls and because her phone wasn't working for awhile.
She took off 10 days after he left for his duty station. She stayed behind because she told him she wanted to give birth near family. She cut off contact with him, not the other way round.
Is there a possibility that this child is not his? I can’t understand this dead beat mom. I could never ever walk away from my children like that. Apparently she has felt abandoned before and done this before. She’s obviously mentally unfit. The father can get his kid back by proving she was not fit to sign those adoption papers. Also what does Utah have to do with Texas? The baby was adopted out of Texas and born there.
You need to read the article that is accessed through the link provided. It states that the adoption agency was located in Utah and she moved there and was put up in an apartment along with 5 other pregnant women working with the adoption agency. Utah apparently doesn't require a biological father's consent to an adoption.
Utah is a haven state for predatory adoption agencies. They make it very difficult for a putative father to assert his rights.
In this case, they were married and his rights are firmer.
Shocked and stunned that the law allowed this in the first place and then that the adoption was not nullified after it was found out that the father did not give consent. Even if she didn't want the baby he should have had a say so. Doesn't the Soldiers and Sailors Act cover something about this?
If I am deploy or pcs or away, and my wife give up my son like a dog.
You will find her by the smell and the flies, second I will go to who ever
Got my son, and I will give them 10 min to pack his bag.
10 min after if the kid is not in the car seat, they will have to call swat.
Because the mess is not going to be easy to clean.
V/r
A concern dad
Should she have adopted the kid out without telling him? No.
Should she have been expected to stay in a pointless relationship and raise a baby by herself while the dad ran off to drill sgt. school with no parental responsibility? No. (I use the term "ran off" because he left and didn't try to communicate with her. And that is unacceptable in a marriage.)
Everyone wants to hate on the military spouses and praise the perfect soldiers, but they are not always in the right. They are just able to make the most excuses.
These two should have made better choices and postponed having a child until he was out of the military. Birth control is very simple to use.
He dropped the ball as a husband and a parent. It was extremely unfair to her. She dropped the ball as a wife and a parent. It was extremely unfair to him. Both people were in the wrong.
I HATE hearing self-righteous people who think they're perfect and say "You chose this life, you knew what you were in for. Deal with it." to a military spouse. It is inconsiderate and despicable. We need to expect more out of our soldiers on the marriage and family front. Spouses are expected to give up EVERYTHING. Their careers, their husband or wife, their proximity to their families. And a soldier isn't even expected to give up 15 minutes of his time once or twice a week? It's drill sargeant school. Not a deployment to the middle of Iraq or Afghanistan. He had the ability to communicate. He just chose to be a jerk. This happens ALL the time and spouses are scolded for expecting the basic courtesy of a call once in a while! Unacceptable.
In summary, they're both wrong. But more attention needs to be paid to some of these soldiers who neglect their families.
P.S.- I must have accidentally misread, and I just noticed it said she did not PCS with him. In that case, she doesn't have much to complain about. That's her problem.
But if that weren't the case, I'd stand by my original opinion.
I agree marrying into the military is not an easy thing but im sorry you do know before marriage what you getting into . I knew i would give up my career i would move thousands of miles away from my family and that i might not see my husband for months/ a year before i said i do. I knew what i was giving up its not been self-righteous its thinking before jumping in, it weighing your pros and cons its deciding is this person really worthy of me giving up all this…. and after you have done all that and he is worthy and you say i do you know what you getting into, dont get me wrong it hard but he is 100% worth it. What is self-righteous is not thinking before making what should be one of the biggest commitments in your life and then bi@#h when its not what you expected. But its easy to devorce and its easy to pop out babes and its easy to get pregnant … because its easy to through babes away or give them away or abortion is a cool new birth control now days.that self-righteous!!!
The biggest problem here is the lack of facts. 1) Drill sgt school only last 3mos so he didn't contact her for 4mos, what was he doing that extra month? Living with some girl he was cheating with probably. 2) There's no way of knowing that your prince might turn into a troll one day when he loses him mind. 3) It is very self-righteous to expect this woman that was abandoned financially and emotionally to put up with his mess. Regardless to the info you read, the chain of command has proven worthless in these situations. We don't know if this woman suffered from postpartum depression or what. It's too easy to blame her and not hold him accountable. They are both wrong! There are two sides, this story only tells one side.
What lack of facts? Why do you feel the need to know all of the intimate details of their personal life? If you've read any articles so that you can make an INFORMED comment instead of your highly inflammatory speculation, you would know that the intformation that has been released to the media is a matter of FACT from court records. When Tira gave her version, the judge found her not to be credible. Even if SSG. Achane was a cheater, does that mean that his wife had the right to give away their CHILD? Oh and by the way, your postpartum depression theory has no creedence as she went to Utah BEFORE she had the child and was living in an apt for adoptive mothers before she gave birth.
The article above is what we're commenting on right? I read another article on this so here are some more facts. They were in marriage counsel before he left, she didn't want the baby while pregnant and he encouraged her to keep it anyway. He was suppose to return for the baby's birth but never did. He only contacted her family, and doctor after March. He had someone drive by the house first, why didn't he just return? Yes she went to Utah while pregnant because she didn't want the baby in the first place. No, he didn't abandon her financially but emotionally. It seems that she didn't want the baby or to move to SC, but he wanted to anyway. She resented him for making her keep the baby, moving and they had trust issues. You know you can be depressed while pregnant? Prepartum depression. No his wife didn't have the right to give away their child, i'm not saying i agree, i'm saying they had problems.
Wow. I'm sorry but seriously, do you know her or something because you seem to have a full grasp on how she felt and made her decision. If she didn't want the child, she could have simply given him custody after she was born. I like how you are playing the fact game with me, but I'm actually one of the moderators of his support site that is in contact with his lawyers, so I'm good on that from you. He tried to contact HER, but was unable to, thus the trying to contact the doctors etc. You are still glossing over the fact that she DIDN'T tell him she was giving up their child, instead he left thinking they would be together after the baby was born in SC. You do realize that with the military, there are obligations right? Perhaps those that prevented him from going to check on her himself, which is why he would send a family member? Also, HIPPA laws prevent giving the spouse's information, so how was he supposed to know WHEN the baby came, if someone didn't tell him? Whatever problems they have, there is no way this is right. Good thing the judge had the good sense to call her out for the liar she is, even if you won't.
Wow, you really need to read all of the info.
1. The baby was due at the end of March. She was prematurely induced almost 4 weeks before her due date so her husband would not know she gave birth.
2. She cut all contact with him and her family would not give any answers, nor would her doctor.
3. She informed him she wanted to deliver in Texas to be near her family, then move to SC to be with him. Instead, 10 days after he left she moved to Utah and started the adoption.
4. She wanted an abortion when she was 6 MONTHS pregnant after he was told of school.
5. This was her 3rd Army husband by the age of 26.
6. She finally contacted him after 3 months by calling his command in SC, yes his command, demanding money from him.
Lady… shut… it… up!!! You have ranted and raved and attacked so many people on here…your attempts at intelligence is amazing. Please go sit down somewhere. I tried to have an intelligent conversation with you by offering a different view on things and you just will NOT open your simple and small mind. You are so right…please do not ever join an FRG…your negativity is sickening and not welcomed. You don't have to explain yourself but want others to hear YOUR point of view. Too hilarious. Please shut your computer off, or your phone…go educate yourself or try volunteering at an abuse shelter. You might be surprise at what you find. Like I stated before…there are so many GOOD soldiers out there, but don't automatically assume that all are that upstanding. The truth is sometimes in the middle. Compassion is the key but you have none. You never said how you knew so much about this woman and whom she married, I guarantee that was not relevant to the case. Get a life.
This is my final communication to you…you have certainly proved yourself on this one. No one would want to buy into to your cause. Plenty of people are simply asking everyone to look at this from a different standpoint instead of a 'good ole hanging'. smh.
I thank God you are too stupid to weigh in on this court case officially.
Actually, the problem lies with the fact that she is cutting through the normal military wife drama and telling the actual thruths on the case. If you "ladies" would take 5 minutes to do a simple google search it would give you the answers. Instead, you all want to play the drama queen, rumor-mill, gossip games.
BTW, it isn't an opinion or point of view when it was already proven in court. Maybe you should rethink the ignorance comment to someone that actually has knowledge on this case and maybe look towards yourself instead.
And you Sweet Jazz are obviously too interested in rumors and drama than to take 5 minutes to google the actual facts. Look at yourself before making comments at someone that does actually know the case.
The good news is that the judge in this case was absolutely appalled at the behavior of the birth mother, the adoption agency, and the adoptive couple.
The adoption did not go forward and they have been ordered to relinquish on the 16th. They asked for a stay pending appeal, but that was denied (they're appealing that too).
Hopefully Sgt. Achane and his daughter will be together soon.
I am a Tricare rep. I talk to hundreds of military members daily. I must agree that there is a lot of. ignorance out there but at the same time you simply can’t be ignorant enough to truly believe a BS story like that unless the woman has some serious psychological issues that the story is not providing. That is a possibility. I still can’t believe it though. I say the dad wants his baby he should have it. How many dead beat dads are out there to start with and here you have a person who is not only sacrificing himself for our freedom but wanting to save his own child as well. He deserves his child. I applaud him and pray he gets to keep his own. How terrible for anyone to lose a child in any situation least of all something like this. My prayers…
As a Marine wife and mother, I'm disgusted by this. I'm not trying to be mean at all because I know every woman handles the situation differently when it comes to pregnancies and separations, however, to just give up your child because your husband wasn't around and you felt abandoned? Childish and irresponsible decision. You knew what being a military wife was going to be like when you said "I do". Just because your life was difficult for a few months doesn't mean you just give up. And to give up your own flesh and blood when you have the means to provide for that child and without telling your HUSBAND?! I could understand if you were really alone and it wasn't your significant other you were having a child with, but this is ridiculous. I went through my entire pregnancy and the first 6 months and this past 7 alone and would NEVER deny his father the chance to love the child that he helped create. That's selfish and childish. And to the adoptive parents, how dare you keep a father from his child when he had no prior knowledge or consent to the adoption. I understand it's not their fault for what happened and how it happened. But they couldn't even compromise by giving the child back but continue to be in the picture? I could understand if you've been raising the child for 5 years now, but you haven't. And how would that situation be better for the child for you to keep them from the father that actually wants them and can provide a good life? Sounds selfish to me. Completely upset by this news. I hope he gets his baby back and will be praying for him.
What’s all this support the Army speaks of?? I living this right now! My hubby is doing an overseas tour in S. Korea. I gave birth to his twins in August (had a c section ALONE). He came on leave in September, went back to Korea and decided he didn’t wanna be a dad or husband anymore and starts saying he’s filing for divorce as soon as he gets back. Meanwhile he changes where his direct deposit happens to an account I have no access to. I can’t work b/c I also have a 3 yr old and childcare would be about $1600/month for all 3. I went to base JAG and they pulled out a sheet that says hubby is only required to send me and my 3 kids $656/month!!!!! I can’t even rent a 1 bedroom apt for that let alone buy the $400 worth of formula my babies eat monthly. Not to mention BAH is $831 so why am i not entitled to ALL of that??! And they state his command does not have to provide his address so I can seek child support (I have saved all email correspondences). No one forces him to pay even the $656 so he send what he wants when he wants. So tell me how I get housing support in addition to parental support and more that this article in paragraph 8 speaks about??! I’m a single mom of a 3 yr old and 4 month old twins; why won’t the Army MAKE my hubby take care of the family he helped create (and is getting paid extra for)??!
You are obviously in a bad position and in a not very helpful station. But you will have to push and you will get what's entitled to you. One good thing about being the spouse and not the service member is you don't have a chain of command to go through, jump to the top. The info is out there and if I still had it marked I would gladly give it to you. Didn't have it for my situation but a friend she ended up receiving her fair share of care for her and her children. I know this isn't the topic of this forum but thought I would hopefully be helpful. The help is out there though.
Ok I hope I'm remembering this right. We went to co Chaplin, commander, post commander and filled with the state. I know there was more as we went to each we received more recommendations of who else to go to. I am waiting for her to call me back with more information on what else we did and I will pass it to you as I get it. We also put flyers (which we did get a slap on the wrist for) and put an ad in the local post paper. That got his chain of command moving lol. I know that was probably a bit much but she did what she had to do. I will write again when I hear from her
What’s all this support the Army speaks of?? I living this right now! My hubby is doing an overseas tour in S. Korea. I gave birth to his twins in August (had a c section ALONE). He came on leave in September, went back to Korea and decided he didn’t wanna be a dad or husband anymore and starts saying he’s filing for divorce as soon as he gets back. Meanwhile he changes where his direct deposit happens to an account I have no access to. I can’t work b/c I also have a 3 yr old and childcare would be about $1600/month for all 3. I went to base JAG and they pulled out a sheet that says hubby is only required to send me and my 3 kids $656/month!!!!! I can’t even rent a 1 bedroom apt for that let alone buy the $400 worth of formula my babies eat monthly. Not to mention BAH is $831 so why am i not entitled to ALL of that??! And they state his command does not have to provide his address so I can seek child support (I have saved all email correspondences). No one forces him to pay even the $656 so he send what he wants when he wants. So tell me how I get housing support in addition to parental support and more that this article in paragraph 8 speaks about??! I’m a single mom of a 3 yr old and 4 month old twins; why won’t the Army MAKE my hubby take care of the family he helped create (and is getting paid extra for)??!
WOW, i wish i could help you! It really bothers me that so many criticize this woman but hide the ugly truth like this one. Acting like it's impossible for him to abandon her. I am so sorry this is happening to you! Can your family help you get a lawyer? Can you hack into his email and see if he's cheating? The alimony and childsupport you will receive will be substanial, along with back pay for all the months he didn't send adequate payments.
Hmmm….If all else fails, maybe you should start a petition on change.org and ask for donations to cover your legal fees as well. Tell them all about the issues you're having, get your friends and family to send it to people they know. Send it to other military wives, they will fight for you. It will get their attention, i know command hates bad publicity.
What she's going through is awful.
It has nothing to do with Sgt. Achane's case.
Do you currently work? Have you contacted IG?
You will want to contact the Family Advocacy Program at your nearest military installation. They may not be able to get you ALL of the help you need, but they should be able to point you in the right direction. You may qualify for their Victim Advocacy Services. Hope this helps.
As a former JAG, first go back to the JAG office, the legal assistance office, and get some competant help. The pirpose of a Legal Assistance officer is to help you, not youre husband or the Army. The information you were given is not correct. Unless your husband's assignment is classified, you can get his unit address. That address is good for his CO as well.
The JAG you talked to is exceptionally lazy, ignorant, or something worse. Talk to his boss, make a complaint, if they won't do better go to the IG.
If hubby is drawing BAS, and not supporting his family, it should be terminated. The first and best answer is a letter to his CO, hopefully written by the Legal Assistyance JAG. Just the facts, etc.
The Chaplain, the IG and your Congress critter, in that order, are also excellent sources of aid. Do not take no for an answer.
………..She's crazy. First of all. Why didn't she follow him? If the answer is because she wanted to stay home with family, then why on God's green earth did her family allow her to give up her child which she had all manner of means to provide for? If not, she should've followed him. This whole situation is just bat crap crazy.
I’m trying to figure out why you quoted Utah law regarding adopting out a child without the father’s consent, considering the case is neither in Utah nor regards either location the parents or adoptive family are.
The adoption agency should have looked into the father. Do adoption agencies not even care to check anything? It doesn’t matter if the birth mother was “abandoned.” She acted selfishly. There’s no telling what really happened in their relationship, but the father was unaware of his child’s birth and adoption. For one, the father should have had some kind of idea of around when the baby would have been born due to due dates. I understand that due dates are not precise, but my understanding is that the military usually gives some kind of leave times for some things. He could have taken an emergency leave. But that’s besides the point, obviously this couple did not have a good relationship. There are laws in place to protect birth fathers in cases involving adoptions. The adoption agency should not have proceded without the father’s permission. The birth mother went about this all wrong and probably lied about te father. The adoption agency and mother are to blame for this mess, more so the mother. I’m sure the adoptive parents are attached to the child, but they need to understand his position and do what is right for the child. The father obviously wants his child. No matter what, there will be broken hearts.
She went to Utah to have the baby, it was the only way the adoption could move forward without the father.
Because the baby was born in Utah and the adoption was attempted in Utah.
I believe that this was very wrong.This soldier has every right to have his child back.It was not only her child it was his too.I was an army wife for 20 years and she should have known what that life entails.It was wrong to allow an adoption without the fathers approval.I don't know how anyone could believe otherwise.The father of this baby has as much of a right to raise his child as she had. What if it were the other way around and his wife was in the army?Would it be okay for a husband to give a child up for adoption if his wife had to PCS? When she married a soldier she knew he would have to move around.Thats the way it is.She had no right to give his child away. I raised 2 children with my husband as an army wife.Yes I hated leaving every 3 years.But that is what she chose when she married him.She sounds like a selfish woman.
I agree that the husband has rights but people need to understand that this story seems one sided and there's info missing. regardless to what people say about the military will helping you with, half of the time they don't. Husbands have abandoned their wives while in training and decided they didn't want to be married anymore. They can and do switch bank accounts that their funds deposit into, and won't help unless chain of command makes them. That's if chain of command will help the spouse. Everyone is so quick to jump on the spouse without taking into consideration why this man never contacted his wife in four months, knowing she was going to give birth. I believe he left the situaion already and expected her to raise the child alone. She could've also suffered from postpartum depression.
The bottom line.Military or not a father has rights and she had no right to give his child up for adoption without the childs father being in agreement.No matter what his job was he was married to her and she was wrong for whatever reason..I spent 20 years traveling in the military and I knew many wives who played around when their husbands were away. .The whole thing is just ridiculous .This childs father has rights.There is NO excuse for her to go behind his back and give the child away!.For all out there who pity this woman.How about the father who.s child was stolen from him.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
I need you to do some other reading, because to be honest, your spreading of ignorant theories is quite antagonizing.
I don't know about the army but as a Navy wife going through a speration after I had my son I had to fall to the Navy to get the support I needed from the man I married. Of course he was angry but they get paid for being married and having children. Had he given me the lowly $100 a month that I had asked for I would not have taken that action. With that said as a mother I never would have gone the route this woman took no matter how mad I may have been. This is his job and I accepted it. But when you are told to get out and not be here when he gets home you have to choose what to do. That was my case. I believe both may be wrong but that does not stop him from being a father to his daughter. Shame on her for this. What if she didn't know where to go for help?
It was her 3rd marriage to an Army Soldier. She knew where to go.
Though I believe the mother was a bit hasty in this situation, we also have to remember that the communication between her and her then husband was lacking. Pregnancy and child birth is hard on a woman, but doing it alone is even harder. We as women can’t take four plus months off from our responsibility of parenthood which starts in the womb, and so, I must stand with the mother in her decision because if the father really cared, he would have made the extra effort to stay in contact despite the situation to make sure the mother had everything she needed including emotional support to help her through the pregnancy.
She cut all contact with him. Read all of the reports. It was proven in court. She also admitted in court that she ignored his calls.
This happened 2 years ago, and two weeks ago a judge ordered Jared and Kristi Freis (adoptive parents) to return the toddler, who turns two in March, to her birth father within 60 days.
Here is the article:
http://www.examiner.com/article/terry-achane-jare…
They are also saying that they will not turn her over to her father and have put in an appeal. This is far from over
As a former military spouse, FRG leader, AFTB instructor & very active supporter of the military family I can attest to the truth in spouses who find themselves in situations of abandonment during PCS. However, this situation I believe has nothing to do with PCS, but a personal decision where a mother decided her child was better off with another family than with herself & her spouses. Some holes exist for sure in this story and some information I would consider factual. It is apparent the military chose to have no contact with his pregnant wife & she may have chosen to have little to no contact with him. The unborn child did not appear to be a concern until the information surfaced the baby had been adopted. I question is the member now reacting to seek custody because everyone knows about the story, meaning his behavior is self serving, not in the best interest of the child or family unit. I agree, no one should have his or her child taken away without consent; however, there’s a lot more to this story than what we know.
I am very familiar with military protocol and policy and found myself abandoned a thousand miles away from home and my ex’s unit provided little to no assistance. My assistance was in the area of trying to retrieve housing and personal articles which were held during PCS transition for more than 4 months when housing on the base didn’t occur. We had little contact, not even when I was hospitalized and the command new I had some health issues at the time, with no housing & no access to my personal belongings as they were SIT (sitting it transit). Thankful, I was able to stand up for myself by contacting higher command, JAG, transportation, housing, and other departments to seek assistance. I was embarrassed to contact these individuals because in a civilian world this type of behavior is unheard, contacting a “boss.” After multiple attempts of talking directly to command to make my spouse approve the release of my housing and personal articles (technically we were homeless without clothes, furniture, etc for almost 5 months-belongings all prior to our marriage where I owned a 4BR home) I was successful, but at my own expense of spending several thousand dollars to have everything shipped back to my home state. I’m not going to say that the wife in this case was or wasn’t abandoned by her spouse and the Army because it happens. If in fact she was, maybe she wasn’t strong enough to make a better decision than the one she did, but maybe in her mind she did what she thought was best (even if it was selfish). In my experience many military personnel use PCS as a way to manipulate and escape marriage responsibility and other family obligations.
I have much respect for the military and would love to help military families. Stories like these bring the highlight to the serious issues that exist in the military environment. People want to find blame on the wife or the military member and yes, they both are to blame. However, the military has its part as well, because if these individuals had to pay out of their pockets for these benefits that are misused (housing, insurance, PCS move, etc), different consequences would occur. The military in many situations has set precedents allowing members to easily abandon families requiring the contact of command. What happened to honor?? No one should need to contact command for a grown man or woman to have him or her to provide basic necessities or to “call or come home.”
Standards should be set across the board that requires each new family to attend a new member orientation, signing off that he or she understands their rights and POAs established for housing, medical, and other services a spouse may need access in absence of the service member. I pray the courts do what’s best for the child and the courts could fInd what is best is to allow the child to remain with the adoptive parents, biological doesn’t always mean the best.
THANK YOU!! Your straight forward comments are much needed her. Crucifying one party over another is not the correct answer here and will not help other women in this situation because they ARE out there.
Actually Jazz, straight forward answers are available in this case if you stop with the drama and name calling on all of these threads.
Either way it wasn't her decision to make. That's what it comes down to. This didn't happen yesterday as AnaGB pointed out, so I find it hard to believe he's dishing out thousands of dollars to get his daughter back because he is concerned with what the public might think. We can all tell our stories, cause we do have them. This is about what is right and what is wrong. This is one of those situations that is that simple. There is no gray area here. She had no right to do what she did to this baby girl, the father and adoptive parents.
Really? It's that simple to you. If you abandon your family in every way possible, refusing to support them financially and emotionally that's ok? How can you take care of your daughter? Don't say command either because they have proven to be worthless at times, so what's your solution? Why are women so quick to bash others for situations they've never been in. I personally wouldn't give up my children, but some of these soldiers don't need to be husbands/wives or fathers/mothers! You have abandoned your daughter when you refuse to support her, it's just that simple. It shouldn't have been her decision alone but he made it that way. He created a difficult situation and she made a decision under pressure. I can't fault her for that because i've never been in that situation before. If all else fails i would give my children to my mom if there was no other way.
You know you have a point and I think this story could have been worse. At least she adopted the kid out instead of murdering it as we see on the news all the time or abandoning it, starving it, etc.
That was not the situation and you would know that if you read more then just this one article. Nor is this the first stunt she has pulled regarding a child and her father. She knew there was help as she was a military spouse prior. Court records showed he did not abandon her financially and tried to make contact through family, and when she didn't pay the bills as he left her with most of their money while being under the impression that she and the kids were going to be moving with him, she lost the vehicle to repo. He then got her a vehicle through a friend. All this is already hitting 2 years so this is all public record, fact is the guy tried. So yes to me it is that simple. Whether or not some people should be parents or not (and I know a few as I'm sure we all do) is not for one person/parent to decide alone. Her abandonment was 10 days. And yes she admitted that in court. They created a situation but it wasn't a situation of poor little woman all alone with no help. Either way still comes down to she doesn't have the right to dismiss his rights as a parent yet she did exactly that by having a baby in a state that is known to not do their due diligence in adoptions. I have been in a real situation of actually being left alone and pregnant, so yes it's a situation I have been in. Like I said I believe this is a black and white situation she was wrong!
There are two sides to every story, i can't say she was right for what she did. The couple was already in marriage counseling so something was wrong, who knows what that was. From my understanding it was a lot of trust issues(probably cheating) so who knows. I don't think he was unaware of her problems and he married her anyway, so who's fault is that? It takes two when a marriage goes south. I think she was wrong for several things, but he is wrong on the hidden issues that no one is broadcasting. She said she wanted to end the pregnancy and he knew it but encouraged her to keep it.
There was a lot going on with this woman, yes she had a lot of issues. I notice you jump to him cheating a lot. If he had there is nothing on either side that states that claim. If he did it still has nothing to do with giving away a baby without notifying the father, her husband. Neither does the issue of her claiming she didn't want the pregnancy (couldn't find that in any of her statements legal or otherwise, but after so much learning about the kind of person she was and the court issues I had to stop). She did have the baby and giving her away without the fathers consent is wrong no matter what she did or didn't want prior. I don't believe his punishment for marrying the wrong woman should be losing his daughter especially in this way, so no not his fault, thats almost like saying her actions are justified. We are just not going to see eye to eye. I am glad the father is getting his daughter back I hope the best to them and pray they do it in a way that is best for the little one.
Yeah, I hope he gets his daughter back too. If you click on the link above that website will give you several articles to read. I'm not sure which one it is, but she gives an interview about their marriage counsel and how she was feeling. It says she didn't want the baby and wanted to abort it but he encouraged her to keep it. I don't believe marrying the wrong person means that it's ok for your child to be given away. I do think our soldiers need to take this into consideration when choosing a mate. It would save them a lot of trouble. In no way do i agree with her. I just think in her mind(messed up) she thinks what she did is ok. I like to consider both sides when a marriage goes south, i don't believe it's all one person's fault. I don't believe he didn't contribute to the current situation, whether it was before he left or afterwards. Sometimes it's that one thing that will make a difference in the outcome. After reading more on the story, i honestly believe this woman has some mental issues.
She decided she wanted an abortion at 6 MONTHS which is illegal in Texas I believe. She threatened him with it when he got orders to go. This was her 3rd marriage to a Soldier by the age of 26.
Either way I enjoyed debating with you TNB. I think we both did good! Take care
I went on to read more about it and it does say that he planned to come back for the birth. He knew the due date and it never explained why he never made the trip. He had someone drive by their house to see if she was there, how is that contacting her? It wasn't until after March that he started calling her sister and other family. After she contacted his command for the second time is when they talked for the first time. I think her abandonment was more emotional, it is possible for a male to check out of the situation while still at home. It all sounds odd, they seem to leave some info out to make him look like a saint. This is the first time i've heard this story and if you just read the article above it leaves you wondering what really happened. The entire thing is really messed up, but i hope he gets his daughter back.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
Again. If someone turns off their phone and leaves no information, how was he supposed to contact her? Telepathy? She deliberately avoided contacting him..
She was due to deliver at the end of March. She was prematurely induced by the adoption agency's contract hospital almost 4 weeks before the due date so he would not know she delivered. She only contacted the command once, 3 months after the delivery and 4 months after cutting all contact with him, demanding money from his command. That is when she finally admitted what she did to their daughter. Her family refused to give him any info and so did her doctor. She his in another state with other family members after leaving Utah. This was all proven in court.
I don't have the extra details, only this one article, but I will say that NO ONE can say he only "abandoned" her for 10 days, as NO ONE knows what their relationship was like before he left. NO ONE knows all the details of their relationship before or after the PCS.
Google search "Terry Achane" and you will get the actual facts of this case. This "article" is poorly written and meant to inflame people, not tell the truth.
Either way none of that is really relevant to the issue of what she did was wrong! And there is a ton of information out there, most importantly court documents. Agent00DivaCee has put out a lot of info for those who,for whatever reason they choose are not informing themselves before they are making their comments based on this one 10 paragraph article.
Ummm, they had a joint account (which she was using and cleaned out), all of the bills were paid by allotment, and she told him she would move to SC after the baby was born but wanted to be near her family for the birth. Tell me again how this is abandonment and not supporting them financially?
As far as I know, the adoptive parents are Mormon. I don't know if they converted Tira Bland but I've seen a situation like this firsthand–Mormons are encourage to have as many children as possible, whether by natural childbirth or adoption, in order to increase the number of Mormons–this statement is factual and not a matter of opinion or perception or prejudice on my part. (Furthermore, I knew a non-Mormon Father who had his child taken away from him by adoptive Mormon parents and tragically, it worked, in addition to their having converted the biological mother of the child and persuaded her to give up her child.)
This family has several biological children and another adopted child. Two of their biological children are special needs. They began adopting when she miscarried on several occasions and learned she could no longer have children.
No money? Feb 1 (the day he left) is payday! Why all of a sudden money troubles? She wouldn’t PCS with him but she sure did move to Utah in a hurry. I don’t believe her at all. he definitley has his faults in thisoo. How do u let your house and car go unpaid oh and phones too! Where was he living during drill why school?
He didn't let the house go unpaid – he continued to pay the mortgage. Her car was repossessed because SHE stopped making payments. He arranged for her to have another car. She also had access to the joint bank account.
No money? Feb 1 (the day he left) is payday! Why all of a sudden money troubles? She wouldn’t PCS with him but she sure did move to Utah in a hurry. I don’t believe her at all. he definitley has his faults in thisoo. How do u let your house and car go unpaid oh and phones too! Where was he living during drill why school?
Sometimes the adoptive parents will pay for the mother is they're sure they will get the child. Her going to Utah was probably paid for by the agency or adoptive parents. He probably changed the bank account for his deposits, so she had no money to support herself. More than likely he was probably living with a girlfriend.
Why do you insist on talking about this man living with a girlfriend etc? Once again, if you would do your due diligence before making asinine assertions, you would know that she had access to their joint bank account, going so far as to withdraw money. Also, the baby was covered under Tricare.
Yes, i did more research because this article left a lot of questions. They were in marriage counseling for trust issues so him cheating wasn't too far off. Yes, she was supported financially, it seems that they had emotional issues. I think you should calm down, this info is not in the article above so you are left with assumptions if you don't already know the story.
Wow. You are a piece of work. First of all, it said counseling for issues, but didn't say what issues. Second of all, who is to say that HE was the cheater. I've been around the military my whole entire life and served too, and I've seen more wives cheat than the husbands. But that is why before you comment on a BLOG you should read the SOURCE article for information…
Thank you! This is what I've been trying to say for days now! Either way I don't see what it matters. What it comes down to she didn't have the right to give away a baby without fathers consent. She was dead wrong!
No articles said counseling was for trust issues. She also was on her 3rd marriage, his first. Yep, she was married to 3 different Army Soldiers when she was 22, 24, and 26 years old.
She actually used the debit card and withdrew all of the money in the account before leaving for Utah. It was proven with bank records in court.
Actually, it was shown in court that she withdrew large amounts of money and used the debit card for beauty salons and fast food right before leaving to Utah. Tricare paid for the delivery, not the PAP's.
The adoptive family was aware that they did not have the father's consent when they adopted the child and proceeded to anyway. Furthermore, when their lawyers did finally contact him and he refused to terminate his rights, they should have given Leah back then. This was when the baby was only a few months old. I really need you to get out of your personal feelings as an adoptive parent and do some research before you make your assertions. http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
I'm beside myself that any adoption agency, judge, attorney or adoptive parent would have excepted her word without his signature. I have lived through this as I adopted out my first child to my older sister who could not get pregnant after years of natural and medical procedures. I was young then and regret my decision today and she probably will down the line too.
She signed off rights but everyone involved knew the father of a MARRIED woman had not. I understand the heartbreak and disappoint for the adoptive parents, however, this man deserves custody of his child. The mother and adoption agency need to feel the wrath of the law.
She and all parties involved will ultimately have to answer to God in the end. This should not happen to anyone! Signatures are REQUIRED signing off rights. Claiming abandonment is nothing when married.
I hope things do change if there are truly legal loopholes out there in any of these United States. No service member should have to deal with this.
Hell, my husband and I have to live 300 miles apart and only sees his son on weekends because my EX HUSBAND put a limitation on where I can live. In Texas they allow controlling, abusive, ex-husbands the right to still control the life of the mother of the child. Yet he can live where ever he wants. I just happily stay here with my daughter and my son because I'll be damned if I'm leaving my daughter behind. Meanwhile my husband has to pay for two households and is limited to time with his child.
Some laws really make me wonder!!!
How could you give up your child and not inform your husband regardless? I find it sickening that the husband doesn't have any legal tie to his own child, a father is just as capable of a parent as a mother. Why is it that men don't have the same rights over their children as women do? It's 2013 for god's sake!
He abandons his pregnant wife, doesn't communicate with her, and then decides to act shocked AFTER a phone call four months following the baby's birth? Seriously? I have seen first hand, as an Army wife myself, helping other Army wives who have been abandoned by their soldiers that the soldier's commanders can't MAKE them do anything. Had one FLAT OUT tell us that even. Oh, sure, they can "suggest" an allotment to which the soldier can agree to and then quietly cancel at will. Also, they have made it clear that the ONLY thing they will enforce is a Court Order. That's really hard to do from out of state and having little to no income for a lawyer. Also, the State welfare system WILL NOT even give food stamps or anything to a Mom & her kids if the father is a soldier without a letter from his Command stating they are separated and that he isn't providing the % of housing allowance he is supposed to give her, which of course they WILL NOT do because they can get in trouble. So, it's a vicious cycle because we are back to the stupid allotment "suggestion" scenario. Bottom line, an adoption agency apparently adopted out a child without the bio father's consent, which I doubt would happen unless it was allowed in that State. If it is sketchy, they will surely answer for it.
They had a joint bank account and she cut all ties with him. She admitted in court she refused to answer his calls. It was also proven in court that all bills were paid and she cleaned out their joint account prior to leaving for Utah. Read all the info on this case please.
HOW COULD SNYONE STEAL HIS CHILD? wHEN I WAS 17 i GOT PREGNANT AND GAVE MY DAUGHTER UP FOR ADOPTION 42 YEARS LATER WE MET. SHE IS LOVELY AND HAD A VERY NICE LIFE WITH HER FAMILY SO I CONSIDER US ALL VERY LUCKY. HAD I BEEN OLDER WITH A JOB I WOULD HAVE KEPT HER IT WAS NOT LACK OF LOVE BUT BECAUSE OF MY LOVE FOR HER THAT I GAVE HER UP. BUT, THERE WAS NOT A DAY THAT WENT BY THAT I DID NOT THINK OF HERAND WORRY ABOUT HER OR A MOTHER'S DAY THAT I DID NOT CRY. I HOPE THEY RETURN HIS CHILD IT IS THE ONLY DECENT THING TO DO HERE! DEIDRE GARDOCKI MSGT USAF RET.
The man calls 4 mos. after the child is born 2 find out about the child? I can c he was very interested 2 find out ANYTHING about her. He should have thought about it before. What, he gets upset because the mother puts the child for adoption? I least she didn't kill her like some other folks do. He wants custody of the child? Well, is he going 2 be a responsible father, (yeah, right!), and take care of this childs needs, or, is he going 2 dump her on someone elses' 2 raise her, and is claiming custody just 2 spite the mother or the adoptive parents. Games people play!
No, the mother cut all contact with him and fully admitted this in court. She finally contacted him when the baby was 3 months, not 4, and admitted what she did. She was also prematurely induced almost 4 weeks before the due date by the adoption agency's contract hospital so he would not know the baby was born. He tried to find her by calling her family, doctor, etc and was not given answers. This has all been shown and proven in court.
First, I see so many issues here. One, the Armed Forces do "not" follow what they "write" or "talk" about or publish in AFIs. So stating there was "help" throughout the command is not true. Armed Forces "turn" their backs on spouses by using their famous coward words "this is a 'civi'l matter–we can't help you."
Second, no one has the right to adopt-out a child when the biological father/mother is not aware of/or has given consent to said adoption. And the agency who allowed such is at fault for not "thoroughly" investigation first. The adoptive parents who are chosing to be selfish and NOT do the righ thing by giving the child to the biological father are also at fault.
Also, if you don't understand the commitment it takes to SUPPORT your active duty member, then please do everyone a favor and just go away quietly instead of flauting your inability to cope with the idea that you are there to support your active duty spouse and sometimes you just have to use common sense and handle issues on your own instead of throwing your own childish fits.
First off, I want to say thank you to those that took the time to actually read the source article before commenting. I've been seeing some just absolutely ridiculous assertions about this case, which is part of the problem.
For all of this talk about he said she said, there are FACTS in this case:
1. Terry Achane did NOT know that his wife planned to or had put his daughter up for adoption until 4 months after she was born. During that time, Tira Bland had access to bank accounts, housing, and Tricare, not just for her, but for a child that wasn't his from a previous relationship. She was NOT abandoned. She chose to stay in TX while he went to SC because she claimed she had family there.
2. Tira did tell the adoption agency who told the adoptive parents that Terry DID NOT know about the adoption and would probably contest it. She also admitted to providing false information so that he couldn't be contacted and made aware, and turned off her phone so that he couldn't call her.
3. Terry did try to find out what happened to the baby, but HIPPA prevented the dr from telling him anything. He only found out when Tira finally called him and told him. Then he tried to get info from the adoption agency, but they wouldn't give him any contact information.
4. When Terry was finally able to get information, it was when the Frei's attempted to have him terminate his parental rights. He refused and requested his child back. They refused, which is why this case is still on going.
5. Terry won the case, but still DOES NOT have custody of Leah. The judge ordered her returned on the 16th, and denied the Freis' request to stay that order pending their appeal. They have AGAIN appealed and that hearing will be later this week to early next week. If that order is overturned, he will not be able to have his daughter for another 1-3 years, pending the appeal.
6. The Freis have raised over 22,000 for their legal fight. Terry has raised just about 2,000.
On another note, we don't leave children with kidnappers because they've been with them for a long time, so why do so many think that it is okay in this case. The Freis are NOT Leah's adoptive parents as the petition was dismissed when Terry exercised his parental rights. They KNEW what they were getting into, and are not innocent in this matter by any means. Even the judge said that once the adoption agency and adoptive parents knew that Terry wanted Leah, it should have ended at that. Instead, THEY are the ones who have made this issue go on for years. If the situation were reversed, so many of you would be up in arms about a man giving away his wife's baby without her knowledge. I don't care if he was a serial cheater as one commenter insinuated with NO proof and her own ignorant bias, that DOES NOT make this okay.
Terry needs help if anyone can provide it. His legal fees are skyrocketing and he's fighting this with little assistance on a Soldier's salary. There is a support page on FB with links to his lawyer's website for anyone interested in donating/helping him. He could use frequent flyer miles, money, or just your support: https://www.facebook.com/SupportTerryAchane
Agent00DivaCee…I ask again why you are SO involved. You responded a million times on this thing like you have a personal attachment. I can see that you are passionate about this but it never seems you open your mind and consider other people at all. Like you have told several commentors on this post…that is YOUR view and YOUR story so your perspective is very different. The fact that you are a spouse and was active duty yourself…TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. As a non-military spouse and former FRG leader let me educate you that there are LOADS of women/men who DO feel abandoned an do not learn their rights for several reasons. I have had several service members say they prefer their spouse not get too involved, etc. It makes their lives complicated. Am I bashing the military?…absolutely NOT…I would be bashing my entire family. There are extremely honorable men and women serving this country but have come to realize that not everyone wearing the uniform falls into that category.
You also keep alluding to the judge finding her to not be credible…let me also say that while justice is suppose to be blind…it doesn't always happen. Judges are human, just like us…and they make mistakes and/or bring their personal feelings into a case sometimes; HENCE, appellate courts. Please DO support your cause…I encourage this, but DO NOT bash a woman unless you are intimately involved in the case. Simply say you empathize with the gentleman and move on.
You seem to feel that I need to explain myself to you. I really don't and won't. I simply have the good sense to know that no matter what you "feel" some things are just wrong. But, thank you for reminding me why I don't deal with the FRG, this self righteous know it all attitude of yours is really something. When it comes to THIS case, all you are doing is talking about things that are irrelevant to the situation. Did you know that the birth mother had been married to 2 other soldiers before Terry Achane? Or that she knew how to contact the COC when she ran out of money after cutting off contact and leaving the state to give their daughter away? I"m sorry, if I can look at the facts that have been presented to me and say wow, this is messed up…wait, no I'm not. So please feel free to stop commenting to me now as your opinion to me means absolutely nothing. This issue is about getting a Soldier his daughter back, not about your theories and suppositions on WHY it happened in the first place. Oh, and you should also know, which you would if you had done some actual research that the judge found the mother not to be credible based on PROOF, such as medical bills, phone records and bank statements…not just hearsay.
Jazz, FRG= Frequent Rumors and Gossip. If you would shut up for 2 seconds and actually walk away from the drama, you can google search the truth in this case. The truth is exactly what Diva has typed time and time again. It's the spouses like you that cause the problem for military spouses as a whole and you are too pathetic to even see it.
Everyone is bashing, and putting her down. R u willing 2 walk in her shoes 4 a period of time? If not, b quiet, do not judge, lest ye be judged. Anyway, where was HE when she was pregnant? Why did it take him so long 2 find out about HIS child and the events that ocurred the child? NOW, he is apalled and offended? Get real, pls!
HE was doing his military duty. SHE was not working, got their car repossessed and refused to PCS with him. HE was at all the drs appointments that he could make, keeping a roof over her head and taking care of a child that wasn't his from HER previous relationship. Plus, if you'd read ANY of the links to other articles, you'd know that she ran away and broke off contact…when civilians do that, they are harder to find than say…a servicemember/Drill Sgt. I'll walk in her shoes, but I find it hard to be that trifling. I also know that her and the baby would have been taken care of whether she wanted to or not…the Army doesn't play that. One call to IG and any financial issues would have been resolved.
He was going to her doctors appointments with her and picking out names with her. If you actually read the source article or did a google search, you would find the answers that you seek. He's been actually fighting for Leah since she was a few months old…
I am a mother of twin boys they are almost 3 now and my husband is in the army , i can see how the mother could feel alone but what she did was wrong. If she did not want to keep the child she should have given the baby girl to the father not adopted her out . The father wants his baby girl i feel that he should at least be given the chance he at least deserves that . the adoptive parents should want whats best for the child and to me that would be with her father .
There are some funny facts in the full story (http://m.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55422492-78/bland-achane-adoption-child.html.csp?page=1) as your reading she makes certain claims about financial support as well as not being able to get in contacted with Achane that doesn’t shake out according to her own statements. As you are reading the article, which goes back and forth between their statements, she makes constant references that he (SSG Achane) left her a lone with know means. however you later learn that she had a part time job and a car that was repossessed. She was also able to contact his command in South Carolina to complain about not receiving money for her and his stepdaughter (after she gave his daughter away). I can see why the judge would say that her story had no creditability, and order the adoptive parents to return the child. SSG Achane claims that he was making payments to a joint bank account (bank records could confirm this when presented) but by her own admission she left 10 after he did to go to Utah. She claimed that she didn’t know where he was but knew enough to tell the Texas chain of command of her intentions. Which tells that she know of someone that could get a hold of him.
(rest of post) : For those that thought she didn’t understand how the military system work or what avenues she had open to her, the statements she made and actions she took shows otherwise. It’s odd that she can call the South Carolina command and ask for money for herself and his stepdaughter but made claims she didn’t know who to contact him to let him know her plans.
Back in 1976 was stationed at Camp Lejuene and getting divorced. Soon to be ex refused to pay support I went to his commander and the child support was institued for his remainding service time. That was just done on verbal communication! So if that could happen some 32+ years ago, it can now! There is always help out there.
Where does the state of Utah come into this at? She was in Texas. Why didnt she go through a Texas agency? Or did she try to go through an agency in Texas and be told that she needed the father to sign off on the adoption? Nothing I read says how the state of Utah got involved.
Utah has adoption laws which allow adoptions without the written consent of the biological father. In most cases, the father is unmarried and in Utah has virrually no rights unless he jumps through hoops. However, because the Achanes were married at the time, the law didn't apply to that case. The adoptive family and agency were informed that Terry didn't know and would probably contest, but proceeded anyway, thinking that the law would cover their butts.
I am an Army Wife, Army Mom, Army Nurse, Victim Advocate, and Fetal and Infant mortality bereavement coordinator. There is way more to this story. First I have seen the word deployment used. This soldier, husband, father was not deployed. He was in school. He was TDY (temporary duty). After school there would be a PCS move unless of course the two were combined which is also common. If it was a PCS move then what is the answer as to why the wife did not PCS with the husband. I can almost guarantee you that he claimed them on his financial forms for payment of move. more…
There should have been no challenge in communication. What I absolutely hope for is that the best interest of the child be handled with the utmost importance while not forgetting the feelings of all other parties invested. This is very sad, and seems to me that mother and father of child have some issues to work on, in themselves. I am sure that many, many more facts (and lies) will come out. The Army I am sure is looking into how this soldier allowed this to happen. Even if he did not. They will want to get to the bottom. My tone may seem to accuse the father, I am sorry if it does, as I do not. I am just saying that there are many avenues to take in this matter and what is reported here is not even the tip of the iceberg.
There are numerous other articles about this story: http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
That one links to at least 3 others that give more information. But just to save you the trouble, she CHOSE not to PCS with him, claiming that she wanted to have the baby where she had family around. He provided the house, Tricare for her and her stepdaughter, a vehicle for her when hers got repossessed and access to bank accounts from which court records showed she did withdraw money. She also left 10 days after he did and turned her phone off, so that HE couldn't contact her. The lack of contact was on her end…not his.
Thanks so much for the added information. No time to read now……But if all that is fact the she is wrong…..PERIOD.
Sick, Selfish, Hateful, Needs Jesus!! :)
No problem. One of the main problems with this case is that the facts are getting lost. SSG. Achane STILL is fighting this case to this day and as of now does NOT have his daughter with him.
I have to find time to go read more! How long has he been without her. I guess I mean when was she born. And surely her knew the due date. Did her not go in search for her then?
He tried to find out about the baby, but HIPPA prevented him from getting information about if the baby was born, etc. He didn't find out until Teleah was about 4 months and Bland contacted him and told him what she did. He's been fighting this for almost 2 years.
Finally read a little more. I am appalled by the adoption agency. The mother is not even from there??? That is human trafficking!!! The adoptive parents should see that. I know that they are saddened and grieving but right is right. I saw where the adoptive parents say that this adoption is "a righteous desire blessed to fruition by God….”there has never been any question to us that she is OURS!!!” Well hopefully after their grief has subsided some, they will realize that Our Almighty God, who is loving, and merciful would never desire a child to be away from a parent that loves them. The judge has ruled in favor or the father, and that is great! I however think that 60 days is too long to make the father wait to get her back. :(
https://www.facebook.com/SupportTerryAchane#!/Sup…
How could she, her husband is defending our country and this Girl, cause I would not call her an adult is sick, I truely believe that she had it planned the whole time, and I believe she has a mental problem. I believe with all my heatrt that this little girl should be given to her father and there should be no questions about it, also the girl should pay ALL expenses and be kept away from her daughter.
Ms. Ane
First of all, any state that allows for one parent to make that decision alone (lawful) is completely out of line and their laws should be changed or modified to reflect "dual" requirement of agreement. Who would approve such a stupidity; allowing one parent to make such an impacting decision alone? OMGoodness!!!
That would be Utah.
I don't care how abandoned she felt, As a military spouse you have rights to support. Once there is a child involved you have even more rights. She could have done a number of different things but she chose to give away a mans child. She had NO RIGHT. And the adoption agency should be ashamed of themselves for giving away a military mans child when he had no idea what was happening. I'm sorry for the adoptive parents but this baby needs to be returned to his father and the mother needs to have NO visitation and still have to pay support for this child.
The mother gave up her rights in 2011. The adoptive family knew that Achane didn't agree and refused to return Leah when he contacted them. They are the reason this has gone on for almost 2 years and is STILL going on today. He's still fighting them…it's not over.
I agree that there is more to the story that was not posted. But, I do have to point out to all those saying he was in the wrong for not contacting her for so long we do not know the situation he was in. Yes, I am the wife of a retired Marine but, there were many many times through my marrage that I did not speak to my husband for months. Yes, most of it was the days before email but, even after because of his job he was not in a position to call or email on a reliable schedule.
Was she wrong for putting the baby up for adoption without letting her husband know? Of course. Was the adoption agency wrong in allowing the adoption to go through? OMG YES
But, we do have to give the father a little slack…it's hard to call when your crawling in caves or whatever he was doing.
There are other articles online that shed more light. He tried to contact her but she cut off her phones, left the family home, and the state. http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
Sadly I have witnessed actions just like that everytime my husband deployed.
Granted I knew what I was getting into when I married my Marine. My bestfriends dad was a Marine and when he found out I was marrying one he put me through an old fashioned board to see if I was up to snuff. Thankfully I passed. I spent 20 years pretty much raising my girls alone. Sadly for them I grew up with them (had my first at 19). We drug those beautiful girls all over the world and I spent many a night explaining that they had a daddy that loved them more than anything in the world even if we didn't see him for months and didn't hear from him that often either.
Yes, those times were tough. Once really rough one was a restation from Okinawa to 29 Palms. We arrived in 29 Palms in July and by the end of August he was back in Okinawa. We were litterally dumped in the desert. We received NPD's for 5 pay cycles, I had no idea where anything was, and had no family close to help. It was hard and I spent many nights crying but, never did I once think I had been abandoned and never once did I think life would be fine if I gave up my daughters.
This is just another case for returning to the "interview the spouse" ideas of years ago. Maybe if that was done again all the cheating, abuse, abandonment, etc would stop. It would be found out that the fiance is not the type of person to be a military spouse. We are a special bread and we have even more special breads among us.
I just hope this sweet baby girl ends up where she is loved, cherished, and encouraged to be a strong, intelligent, independant woman.
I am a military wife and dealt with schools and deployments(with no communications) I have six children and felt like a single mother of 6, but I was very supported what ever my husband does in the military! I chose the position, knowing I will be a single mother of 6! Put my life on hold and moved where ever the military moves us, I loved my life as a military spouse and mother and took advantage of whatever the military gave us! To let you know I really miss the military life, since my husband recently retired in October of 2012! I Love my husband and my 6 children and I would not change it for the world! Now the spouse gave up her child was thinking selfishly and did not support her husband and I think she was angry and did it out of spite! The Military Husband has all the right to get his daughter back, he did not consent to it, so that means the adoption is illegal!!!!! When you get a passport you have to have permission from both parents to even go over seas( even if one of the parents has been absent from the time the child was born) So how can adoption be legal without both signatures?
I don't understand how it was legal either. My grandsons bio father wants nothing to do with him (fine with me and more than his loss). My daughter has been trying to get the courts to give her sole custody since the father is not paying support, visiting, nothing. But, the state says they can't do that without the bio approval. Not only does he need to sign on the dotted line he has to show up in court. He never does so, we could have quite the mess on our hands if my daughter (a new Airman) gets stationed out of state.
It wasn't legal. The Freis have NOT legally adopted Leah. Right now, she's just with them until the 16th when they have to turn her over. But they have no legal claim to her at all.
The woman suffers from an anxiety of being left alone, a form of separation anxiety, a mental problem…that's obvious as she felt the feeling in the past…he went to school, it's not a short term school…she, as an Army wife, KNEW she had options and people to turn to…in this case, the adoptive parents should be much more understanding and more interested in making sure the child is with family instead of being greedy and not wanting to give the child back to the father…this case is ridiculous…plain and simple, the rights of the father are being trampled…he should get his child back ASAP, the mother needs treatment or counseling, and the adoptive parents need a wake-up call to relearn what real family is all about…
Before fight the adoptive parents in court, have the DNA checked. This is a very odd thing for a mother to do unless she had doubts about if he was the father or not. She saw an opportunity to get rid of the evidence and she took it. She had the child adopted so she would not have a constant reminder. It was just too easy for her to do.
Go to this FB page. It has all of the info, updates, etc. https://www.facebook.com/SupportTerryAchane#!/Sup…
Just so you all know, this was her 3rd Army husband at the age of 26. She cut all contact with him, stripped the bank account, and gave their baby up.
Jaggirl47,
YOU obviously need to do your research…now while I will apologize for how this thread appeared. It put my original answer on the wrong thread, my ORIGINAL comment was not about the facts of this story but about making clear generalizations. I simply corrected what Agent00DivaCee said. she fired back and it went from there…NOW on to you…I DID, in fact, read the entire store and think there is way more to this story but like I said from the beginning (which you clearly missed)…the woman was WRONG. THe man was wrong also…there is fault on both side. I am not clearly convince he is a victim but that they both made poor emotional choices.
To your FRG comment…its unfair and unfounded. Plenty of FRG are great when run by good leaders. I have heard the horror stories so understand your comment, but there are good ones out there also. Always in gossip, etc….but do not generalize. Negative people is what needs to be cleared out the organization to help it do what it was designed for…to keep the family informed and connected. THAT what the basis of ALL my comments to one person.
Thank you for your comments and again…there is no point in any of us getting emotionally involved in something that we may never know about all the facts (not everything is allowed into court…the attorney even stated that not all facts can be published because it is still in litigation). We simply need to do what is in the best interest of this child. Clear cut…
Jazz, you have shown yourself time and again in attacking Diva that you are one of those that involve yourself in the drama. I know for a fact that Diva knows almost everything about this case. Instead of taking the time to listen to someone that does know the details surrounding this case, you attack.
Now, as far as the FRG comment, yes it is completely fair. It is the same no matter what duty station you are at, what unit you are involved with, or who the leader is. Military wives thrive on drama. I have been around it for almost 20 years and have seen hundreds of FRG's. It is always the same.
Now, as far as "emotionally involved", it isn't about emotions, it's about right and wrong, truth and lies.
Interesting how my comments are getting deleted. My guess is that you are reporting them.
Now, as far as the case, I know WAY more info about it than you ever will due to reasons that you obviously cannot or refuse to comprehend. It would do you good to realize that many people know way more than you.
As far as the FRG, it is not unfair or unfounded. It happens every duty station in every FRG.
Now, as far as your comments, take a few to realize there are many that know way more than you do concerning this case.
In reply about not getting emotionally involved I completely disagree, if people don't then things like this are prone to happen again. It is the people that get themselves involved that make change. I'm not going to argue with you about FRG, I'm sure there are some helpful and good ones out there, but in my 18 years experience the FRG has been nothing more then a bunch of women trying to wear their husbands rank and running their mouth with gossip, grown women acting like high schoolers. Like I said my experience though it has obviously been many others experience also. So much so that it alone has caused controversy.
Where did you come from? I am a retired Army female who is working Civilian Service now and I am here to tell you that if the family didn't want any help then ACS would not have known there were any issues before he left. She had the option to PCS with him, she just choose not to. She is the one that choose to give up their daughter for adoption by herself. I truly believe that the father deserves to have the child and the mother needs to get a mental evaluation.
Um…please get your facts straight. The mother broke off all contact and moved out of the state 10 days after he PCS'd. She turned off her phone, all of that. He couldn't find out about the baby being born due to HIPPA laws. So how is that not checking in? How about you actually know what you are talking about before running your mouth? http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
I was an Air Force wife in 1970-71. I became pregnant in February and delivered in November. Yes, i worked but came home to an empty house. He claims his pay was messed up and I only received $250.00 in the 14 months he was gone (2 TDY in Florida and 12 PCS in Thailand). Talk about feeling abandoned! If it wasn't for my family, I probably wouldn't have made it through. He returned when our daughter was 6 months old. No, I did not think of adopting her out, but I did make sure that her life was as normal as possible with just 1 of us around. We divorced within 2 years and I was a single mom for another 4 years before finding another man who accepted my daughter as his own and adopted her 4 days before his own first born daughter was born. Yes, there are people to contact for assistance. Didn't they go through family orientation prior his PCS or was there none because he was still stateside? Not all the details are present in the article and they may never be made known. I at least talked to my husband 4 or 5 times while he was in Thailand (pre-cells, all done through MARS radio system).
This was actually her 3rd Army spouse……
Could you imagine if the tables were turned and the Father had given the baby up for adoption while the mother was away? He would probably be jailed- but no worries the Utah law allows a woman to give up the child without the father's consent not the other way around. When it comes to famuily issues the man never gets the fair shake!
He did a PCS move without his pregnant wife. She gave the baby up for adoption. So who’s at fault here? Who knows?! We are not part of their family and shouldn’t say who is right or wrong. I’m sure she had valid reasons for giving the baby up. Until you hear the full story which would include his, hers and someone close to the family to iron out the lies, we can’t blame either one right now.
She informed him that she wanted to stay in Texas for the birth so she was near her family, then join him in SC. Please read all of the info to this case. Google search brings it up easily.
He did a PCS move without his pregnant wife. She gave the baby up for adoption. So who’s at fault here? Who knows?! We are not part of their family and shouldn’t say who is right or wrong. I’m sure she had valid reasons for giving the baby up. Until you hear the full story which would include his, hers and someone close to the family to iron out the lies, we can’t blame either one right now.
I hate to tell you this BUT she choosed not to go with him. Then 10 days after he left she went to utah. Do some research so you can make an infomed opinion.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
She CHOSE not to PCS claiming she wanted to have the baby in TX where she had family. You are unbelievable. No matter what happened in their personal relationship, giving a child up for adoption without the consent of BOTH parents is illegal and actually wrong. Now, if you had actually done some reading so that you could have made an INFORMED comment, you would know that the judge actually found the testimony of the mother not to be credible.
The adoptive parents are keeping this mans child which is against the law (he did not give consent) and I can't understand why someone of authority has not stepped in yet. If mom didn't want the child why did she get pregnant in the first place. I know from experience that army wives have groups you can join and plenty of support for those left behind. This woman needs to grow up and stop having children she doesn't want. This is a terrible crime to humanity.
I'm a military spouse of 13 years. Yes, there are groups on post but that's 9-5, Monday through Friday IF you have a copy of his orders and form dd blah, blah, blah! Also, if he PCS'd to another state and was being an a-hole, he could have out processed and then she would have no access to any services on post. We don't know the whole story so stop bashing the woman. Where was he that he couldn't make a phone call sooner than 4 months after the birth of his child? While my husband was being shot at during war he called me all the time. He's just as bad as her. Blame both or no one at all!
I'm not taking up for her either. But I don't like the fact that anyone is being put down when no one has the full story.
Did you even bother to read the source article, google, anything before you came on here with these assertions? We do know the whole story, it has been fully documented all over the internet for months. http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado… http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55422492-78/bla… http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55373764-78/ach…
And that is just for starters. Do your research before going around defending those that don't deserve it.
She cut all contact with him. He tried to find her and this was proven with phone records in court. She also admitted that she did not answer any calls and was hiding from him to not tell him.
First of all let me say this clearly…while I do not agree with what this woman did… You people are delusional when you say the Army will support you. That all depends on the post and the commander. Two years ago, the same thing happened to me. While I never thought of giving my baby up, you not imagine the hell I went through trying to get my now ex husband to do the right thing. I called everyone from the Chaplain to IG and was told it was a civil matter. They could insist he give an allotment but they couldn’t make him. I fought for months with these people and they protected him until finally he was PCSd to another commander and SHE took care of it. She wrote him up and recommended him for an article 15 to get him “motivated”. Mind you I also tried to divorce this man and get a legal child support order but he created phony deployment documents that held me up for another 6 to 8 months. So please do not jump to say what the Army will do and support people get. This is not consistent amongst every location sadly and you don’t know this woman’s pain. While I finally received resolution it took determination, iron will, self confidence, and a good attorney.
I hope this helps someone in the future from experiencing the same.
Considering the fact that the baby was born under Tricare, she withdrew $500 from joint checking, he was paying for the house and got her a car when he was gone and hers was repossessed, her situation was not yours. I feel for you, but her situation was not yours. I will say that any issue that I've had with anyone in the military, both when I was in and out, was taken care of and that is by different commands and even different branches. I've been around the military for 26 years, so I'm pretty confident to say that the Army will take care of its own. What it isn't, is the Soldier's parent so if something wasn't done to your satisfaction, that is why there are civilian courts.
One, I've been in a position similar to his, so I can understand. I was also raised by a single military father, so I have a soft spot for men who are trying to do right by their children. I also just got out of the Army myself, and my husband is currently still in. Like I said, I'm sorry that things didn't work for YOU, but that is not the case for everyone. I don't know the details of your personal situation, nor is it something that I care to. But for this situation is about a male soldier who by verified court accounts had his daughter taken from him illegally and unfairly. I've also been pregnant while the father was on deployment, and never once did I think that it was a good idea to not give him a chance to be a father based on my personal feelings. That seems to be what you are missing about this case.
Once again you Jazz are more interested in drama than the truth. Look at yourself befor putting Diva down and take 2 seconds to do a google search. You and others like you are the reason military wives get bad reputations.
Ma'am..you have no idea what you are referring to. You have no clue about me and YOU are making military wives look bad. Like you ask me to do…research before you comment.
Actually, I do know what I am referring to and I also know Diva's involvement in this case. You would do better if you stop commenting and calling her names on every thread she comments on and actually read what she posts.
Again deleted comments? Hmmm, guess you are not willing to hear the truth and are reporting me Jazz.
I have a great bit of experience as to what I am referring to. It's called close to 20 years of experience both as a service member and as a wife to a senior ranking SM. You are the type that end up getting laughed at and black-listed due to your attitude and refusing to listen to anyone else. Diva knows a great deal about this case and I know even more. It would be good for you to realize that instead of spreading ignorant comments.
Jaggirl47,
It appears you are spurring more drama than sweetjazz. As a commander in the United States Marine, I can tell you for a fact that unfortunately there are too many stories like what she mentions. I think we all agree that this woman was clearly wrong but when stating all military wives or FRG looks back. I take personal offense to that. My unit's FRG is run smoothly and we are like a family. They made sure our men were taken care of kept the wives calm. I have also run into stories that are unfortunate about abandonment. I must admit, I also had serious doubts about this soldier. I then looked up the article and felt better how this may have went on the soldiers side. I still say there is more to this story.
I think sweetjazz's original point was before research and about how a spouse can fall through the cracks. You do the exact same thing by attacking her story and I pray you are not a military wife because that is a poor representation as well.
USMC Dad, Nah, I'm only commenting on Jazz's comments. She has chased Diva on all of her comments, called her multiple names, and has been downright rude.
Now, as far as the FRG's, yes they may run smoothly when you are there but many things happen when you are not. It does not matter where you are or what unit you are in (or really, what branch of service). It is filled with drama, rumors, and gossip. That is why FRG members have bad raps. They may not realize it but the irritation and comments are there. This comment is comment directly from a person who was both the military rep for a battalion FRG as well as a spouse who has to be involved with the FRG due to her husband's position-me. I have seen it from both angles. ;)
You mean like you have chased her? You both are wrong but she appears to speak from a bad experience. I think she even said she was divorced and said the woman was wrong. I feel sorry for your FRG and your husband. I take her to be young but you are not. I would to love to know what piss poor unit you came from because we never attack our own. Grow up. Hoorah!
"Never attack our own" have you read all of sweetjazz's comments? Because if you had you would see she was the one making attacks and insinuations. Yourself included withe the "i feel sorry for your husband" remark. When you make ignorant remarks then you have to expect some come backs. I have to agree with jaggirl that your FRG may run smoothly when you are around, but maybe do some private inquires. I am sure there are some good FRGs out there, but obviously not many by the amount of articles and stories out there. God knows I have one that puts many to shame, but this is not the time or place. Not to mention a previous article on another Military site where the topic was should we do away with the FRG, the majority was YES. Why? because of the immaturity and high school attitude of the spouses. I would love to see a good program for spouses especially the new ones. I just won't hold my breath waiting for it.
Nah. Actually, I came on to post what actually happened in the case after reading this horrible writing. I came across comments made to Diva by Jazz, then kept seeing even more. I'm sorry, but I will not sit by and let someone who is obviously extremely ignorant continue to write the comments and names without saying something about it. Jazz has actually stalked me and has been straight out rude on posts I started because of her ignorance and obvious love for drama and rumors.
Now, as far as not attacking your own, isn't that exactly what you are doing? My husband is very happy to be married to me and I have spouses that do come to me for my point of view. I am one of the lucky spouses that has been both the one deployed and the one at home. I handle what I need to and when the drama starts, that's my time to leave. Like I said, if you do not see the actual activities that happen, you have absolutely no idea. Regardless of your rank or command responsibilities.
Nah, it's called Jazz is following Diva around making rude comments and calling her names. Diva actually does have more info than the average person on this case and I have even more.
As far as FRG's, as long as you are there then they are fubctioning as they should be. ;) I have been on both sides, military and spouse, at multiple duty assignments through almost 20 years.
Now, Jazz does show why FRG's end up with bad reps. Going off at the mouth with little to no actual information or truth and calling people names when they do in fact have the knowledge.
Hi, I'm Diva. Now, I don't know if you've had the time to go through all of these comments, but this Jazz person has been chasing me and verbally attacking me even on comments that had nothing to do with her, simply because the facts of this case do not mesh with her opinions. It is also clear that she has a bias towards the military and this case, based on her personal experience. All of that I do not care about, I just want to help a Soldier get his daughter back so that he can raise her. Fathers that don't care about their children, do not fight for over 2 years. I also have spent ample time researching this case, enough that I even felt comfortable taking on this particular issue.
On a note as an Army Brat, Spouse and Vet, there is so much about the FRG and interactions between military wives that you will NEVER be able to know, it is more of an in thing. There is often a lot of drama, ignorance, and just various shenanigans that go on behind the scenes. Cliquish behavior, all of it.
The father of the child has every right to regain his child that was wrongfully and illegally adopted out by the child's mother. There are too many, ( not say there are too many, just enough ), resources for wives of soldiers, for this to have happened. The Chain of command any support system, on base, would have assisted. I feel as a former soldier, that if my wife did this, I would be fighting for my child as well. So many soldiers serve this country, to come home to their spouse cheating, left them, or be served with "Dear John" letters while they are in a war zone. The soldiers do not deserve things like that to happen to them. Even during long training or TDY experiences of separation, this type of thing happens. Not only do women do this to their male counterparts serving in the military, but Men do this to their female counterparts as well. These soldiers are defending you and this country, or they are preparing to, or preparing others to do so. This is not right on so many different levels of humanity that it is insane!
There are a few things that we know for sure, because this case has already been heard in court and the adoptive family was ordered to give the baby back. They are appealing the decision and not being very cooperative. The mother gave the wrong contact information for the baby's father, so that the agency would not be able to reach him. He was only gone for 10 days when she left Texas to go to Utah to have the baby and give it up for adoption. He was still paying her bills and household expenses and his attorney was able to provide documentation to the judge. This is a very sad story, all the way around. However, the baby needs to be returned to her Dad.
THANK YOU!!!
This says more about the relationship (or lack of) between the spouses. There is very little information in the article making it difficult to ascertain the situation. It isn't clear whether he was a reservist who was going to be gone for the requisite training period or and active duty soldier. As a reservist, he would be returning home as soon as the course was completed. If an active duty soldier, it would have been a temporary duty assignment after which he would be reassigned to a new station for which he would have the opportunity to return 'home' and fulfill the requirements for clearing the installation in Texas and arranging shipment of household to the new assignment. There is just not enough information here to make a rational informed observation.
Honestly, I disagree with you as the courts have already MADE their decision. First of all, what does his status as a reservist have to do with the fact that his wife went to another state solely to give their child away?! http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55373764-78/ach… http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
More reading for you.
It does say that he was PCSing to drill sgt duty and that he was supposed to get housing arrangements for them, but it looks like he did not. but you're right, there's really just the he said/she said stuff and the facts are not publicized-that'll probably come out in court. hopefully.
It was already proven in court. She told him she wanted to stay in Texas for the birth because her family was there. He reported to duty, she skipped town. She also admitted in court that she refused to answer his calls. She had this planned.
I cannot understand how a mother can opt to give her child up for adoption (particularly) when she is a military wife. There is so much support for military families; if she didn't know she could have asked. I was a military AF wife for 22 years. I've had many days when I felt alone (never abandoned), but alone and afraid, but never once did I consider giving my child up for adoption. I think there is soooo much more to the story, and the mother definitely needs counseling. I do beleive the dad should fight for his flesh and blood (my only negative thought is), perhaps the mother has something to hide and the child may NOT have been his, and this is her way of trying to get out of the problem (especially) now that they are divorced. Seek counsel mentally and spiritually is all I have to say.
I agree with her, I was stationed at ft Jackson and there are pay phones all over that post.
How come it took him four months to reach out and talk to her about the child. Also, the Army will let you travel from school if your wife is in labor or just gave birth. What did he think, she was going to be pregnant for 15 months. How can you call yourself a real Soldier and husband if your willing to leave your pregnant wife and child in another state. I would hate to have you on my team in a fire fight…Coward….Damn right he should lose the baby. He abandoned her once, he will do it AGAIN.
It took that time because she left 10 days after he PCS'd, and cut off all communication with him. Telepathy is not a proven method of communication yet, so it would have been hard for him to get ahold of her otherwise. She REFUSED to PCS with him, claiming that she would join him after the baby was born, but she wanted to be with family. Then she went to Utah and was induced early. He couldn't get that information due to HIPPA laws. Please, do some reading because you are very uninformed about the situation to be so judgmental. Also, you should know that for the time he was gone, he was still paying the bills and made sure she had transportation as well as access to a car when she got hers repossessed. The baby was even born under Tricare and she had her daughter from a previous marriage on his Tricare as well. The judge found her version of events to not be credible based on the evidence Terry produced in court. Nice talk about your fellow Soldier when you don't know the full story.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/ado…
You seriously need to do some reading. Even based off this small article what you have said is completely ridiculous. "Damn right he should lose the baby" are you really that short sighted and judgmental? No one should lose their child because their spouse felt abandoned and they were in a troubled marriage. Everything she said and did was proven to be discreditable by the judge. So her pity party was a load of BS and his so called "abandoning" her was her way of trying to make herself a victim, as he clearly did not, he was smart enough to divorce her so there is no doing it AGAIN. She was hateful and vindictive, as her actions proved. Your comment is here on page 4, did you not read anything posted even on here where there are now plenty of FACTS to gain just a little bit of information before you went off and wrote such ignorance. And you call yourself a soldier?
I don't think any one of us here can judge this case accurately as we're just not privy to details. On one hand, I feel for the dad, but if you read the ENTIRE article, the mother states these things:
"He didn’t leave me with an address or anything," said Bland. "He just said good-bye. It wasn’t anything like ‘I love you’ or ‘I will be back for you and the baby.’ It was just like he didn’t care."
"Bland said she also contacted Achane’s commanding officer in Texas and asked him to relay her plans to her husband.
"He reassured me he did," Bland said, "and told me that [Achane] was going to get a divorce from me and put our house up for sale. I was left to figure it all out on my own."
"When I met Terry, I was a single mother and I was a struggling single mother," Bland said. "I was living in a one-bedroom apartment and didn’t have any money and knew the harshness for a child of being a single mother. All I could see was the best for my girls at the time. I knew if I was going to go through an adoption agency, I knew someone could help me. It was all of the sudden, but it was all I had at the time."
Bland said the agency "really didn’t say much" about her marital situation. "They just followed their procedures to reach him. … No one really talked about it. We were all thinking about the well-being of the baby."
After the birth, Bland returned to Texas and moved in with her parents.
Bland said months passed without any word from her husband.
"I still wasn’t receiving anything from him," she said. "He wasn’t calling [my parents] to see how I was doing. … It seemed odd."
Bland also said that, despite still being married, she was no longer getting any financial support from him, such as housing pay.
Bland said she contacted Achane’s new commanding officer in South Carolina to complain about the lack of support, a call that took place in June.
"I was trying to let them know that he had a wife out here he wasn’t even supporting, and a child," Bland said, referring to Achane’s stepdaughter.
The commanding officer put Achane on the line.
Bland said she doesn’t remember all the details of the conversation, but recalls Achane telling her he had continued to put money in their joint account. He did not, she said, ask about their daughter. Bland informed him she had placed the child for adoption.
so while we can all judge him or her equally, there's more details and truths that will never be public.
You also realize that the judge in this case listened to her testimony and found her not to be credible, right? She also admitted that she intentionally gave the Texas address, knowing that he is in South Carolina. But all of that is moot considering the fact that the FACTS came out in court, including bank statements proving that she had access to funds in a joint account, as well as the fact that Terry was paying the bills through allotment, and Leah was born under Tricare. She also turned off her phone and admitted to ignoring the calls he made when it was still on. Read OTHER articles. Once again, the judge found her NOT credible, based on proof provided in court. Nice try.
Bland was found to be a liar in court. Bank statements and phone records proved otherwise.
From the actual article written after the actual court hearing:
Teleah was born March 1, 2011, more than two weeks premature, at Mountain View Hospital in Payson.
Two days later, Bland relinquished her parental rights and the infant was placed with the Freis. At the time, Bland claimed her husband had abandoned her and was not interested in raising the child, according to the ruling.
Bland told the Adoption Center of Choice it could reach her husband in Texas, though she knew he was in South Carolina and thus would not receive any legal notices sent to his former address. Bland also apparently withheld Achane’s telephone number from the agency and later claimed she did not contact him about the birth because her phone wasn’t working.
In mid-March, unable to reach his wife, Achane asked a friend to drive by their Texas home; he was told it appeared vacant. Achane then contacted Bland’s relatives. He learned that Bland was no longer pregnant, but their baby "was nowhere in sight." The relatives did not know what had become of the child.
It doesn't say how well they did communicate it only tells what they each said but regardless giving u child for adoption is up to both parents and how it got this far without the fathers consent is wrong. He should get his child back without a doubt.
The father should fight to get his child back, that’s how u know he will be a great dad. As for the wife, Im a marine wife my self, so I can understand how she could feel alone, but sweetie, u signed up for the military too when u said “I do”. That’s no reason to give ur child up, shame on u. And for the daddy… Good luck and wish nothing but great memories and lots of love
"You sign up for the military too…" As a military wife and FRG leader I can tell you there are LOTS of women that are not educated of that fact up front. This was the ENTIRE basis behind putting this type of organization in place. So many women/men are not educated on their rights as a spouse. While I can sincerely appreciate the fact that there are classes out their and system in place, please believe the word is STILL not socialized as it should. Nor are all command structure equal; hence, good leadership vs bad. I also do not think this man should be nominated just yet…there is a lot missing from HIS story as well. Why does it take FOUR (4) months to get an update on your child. Something is not right…plenty of men are chiming in on this same fact.
Last, if she did not want a child, please know that asking her to keep it is not healthy for either her or the child. Not everyone is cut out for the job.
Actually, this being Tira Bland's 3rd marriage to an Army Soldier, she knew what was expected. You, Jazz, really need to get away from the "I'm an FRG leader and I wear my husband's rank, blah blah" and actually take 2 seconds to look up the truth in this case. If you fif you would not show just how ignorant of a woman you are. Instead, you continue to babble going off the drama inflaming article and show exactly why military wives and FRG's have a bad rep. Thank yourself for that one.
t depends on how long they have had the baby. The baby is still young…I don't think the adoptive parents should have visitation rights. In fact, I don't think they should even fight over this child. The Mom has serious problems obviously, but if a biological parent wants his/child, and can care for them. Then they should be able to rear their child. Seriously, if I was the adoptive parent, I would be hurt, sad and disappointed, but under the circumstances, there is no way I would put the biological Dad through that. It is his child. They are talking about what's best for the child; NOT. They are only thinking of themselves. The longer they fight the Dad, the older the child becomes and the more attached to them he will become. As he gets older, it will be harder and more confusing for him to part with them. Then again, that's probably what they are hoping for. But if they really care about the well-being of the child, they would let him go without a fight. Because in the end, the biological father will most likely end up with him anyway..
There should never be any such law in any state…craziness!!!!
They have now had the baby for 22 months because they have refused to give her back. They are still fighting to keep her even now after the judge ruled they are nothing more than "legal strangers".
Actually, her comments are based on the facts as found in court, already proven. So no, they are not generalizations, they are actual FACTS. You would rather chase Diva around than take a few minutes to look up the facts in the case. You would realize pretty quickly that you have absolutely no clue what has been going on. However, you may then be forced to actually do the right thing and apologize to Diva for calling her ignorant.
I, unlike you, actually know ALOT about this case and it would do you quite a bit of good to shut your mouth and listen to those in the know. I also know for a fact that Diva knows almost everything concerning this case.
Actually, Diva's comments are facts and they are easily proven. It is all court records now.
This is for a petition for SGT Achane http://www.change.org/petitions/support-terry-ach… and there is one on there to stop this adoption agency in Utah. Sorry i didnt apply the link, though it is right in the beginning of under child trafficking. Just wanted to put that out for those who care.
I also was a military wife and can fully understand this woman's feelings. I often felt abandoned and when I was left in charge of making sure the many PCSs went well or the entire home during extended TDYs, there was not a lot of base support that found its way to my door. In fact, during one extremely trying PCS the PCS move personnel told me that they wouldn't talk to me that they had to talk directly to my husband who was simply not there. There were many, many times that I threatened to walk out the door and never look back and eventually I did vowing never to have another thing to do with that military husband or a military base ever, ever again. It's been 18 years and I've kept that promise to myself. The scars are too deep. The difference is that I took my children with me and have raised them. My ex-husband gave them to my new husband when I remarried by giving them up for adoption to him. In the article above I'm glad to see that the ex-husband wants his child and is fighting for her. The child will still suffer abandonment issues later as she learns that her mother gave her up for adoption. I am hoping the fight is short in favor of the father and the father will be there for the child.
If you vowed not to have anything to do with the military, then why are you on a military-oriented web site? When people need their hands held 24/7 to get through the trials of military life, they should not be affiliated with the military. Any support we get as spouses is a benefit that should be appreciated, because in reality, the military is not obligated to do anything for us. We didn't sign a contract with them. Whether or not this woman felt abandoned, what she did was wrong. You are forgetting that she married a military guy with the knowledge that he would not always be available to her. She should have responsibly dealt with the consequences of the decisions she made.
We're still in the 1950's and the father has no rights where kids are concerned. Now the Seargeant gets to pay most of his income to some legal slime to get back what's rightfully his. And I'll prettyt much guarantee that some lawyer is pushing mamma to fight him. It;s all about money. The question I;m curious about is, did momma get paid for the kid?
Mom got paid for the kid but we do not know how much.
SSG Achane's lawyers have actually been fantastic and are charging him an extremely reduced rate, but he does still have legal fees. Please check this out: https://www.facebook.com/SupportTerryAchane
She should be locked up, I had to go through similar issue, wife digure after I got in basic training, I could not get back to save my son , her and her lawyer worked together along with a dead beat boyfriend, won the custidy battle and my son had to grow up on the street, got in alot of trouble and was unable to follow in my steps, I worked with him as he grew up, but it wasn't till he reached the age of 18 when i cut the support off that his mother 's boyfriend tossed him on the street. The only good that cane from that was her boyfriend bail when the free money was gone and my son started to listen more to me. he finished last year as a honor student from ITT after he got away from his mother and the glorious town of B-town KY. he doesn't want to come but I leave the light on for him to find his way home. I am proud that he found another way out of theat town.
Is this what we've come to? I am a single soldier with no children, and this scares me. What is to come after things like this? Drill Sergeant school is only 9 weeks long… a little over 2 months. If he is a sergeant then he has been deployed, she can handle a deployment but not a a couple months? This should not even be a question of who gets the baby. This whole situation is morally wrong. And I am so very disappointed that one of my brothers in arms has to be treated like this from his own wife.
Sgt Johnson
The sad thing is this website for military spouses writes and article stating he said, she said, when the actual facts were already argued and found in court. The court found Tira lied and that Tira, the adoption agency, and the potential adoptive parents knowingly thwarted all attempts for him to get, talk, or see his daughter. Instead of reporting the actual facts, this article was used to purposefully cause drama.
What about the state of Utah? To have a law on the books to allow something like that to happen is just wrong!
Actually this would appear to be a case of kidnapping to me. If they were going to go through a divorce, the usual approach is to determine custody, and if the court determined custody settlement is violated, it is kidnapping, a felony.
I think there is a case of kidnapping here and the father had parental rights to the child, being that they were legally married.
This will rightfully go to court, but the father should file a complaint against his wife and the adoption agency as soon as possible.
Certainly the father was placed in a very tight situation, being liable to AWOL or worse, desertion, if he did not show up for his assigned duty.
He probably should have asked for social work support in this instance, or even the Red Cross, to find out what happened to his wife and baby, but that's no longer an option.
There is tremendous strain in families with military deployments and usually the law is in the deployed persons favor since it recognizes they are obliged to be away on military duty and not able to be physically present for legal transactions.
When these family breakups occur, the stress is overwhelming and may lead to emotional breakdown, stress reactions, even suicide, so the military needs to recognize these circumstances and do everything possible to support service members, in the interest of a stable and effective military force.
This has gone to court and has been in the court systems for 19 months. SSG Achane provided proof and the judge found that the egg doner was a liar. SSG Achane has been awarded custody and the PAP's are fighting it. They have also been in direct contempt for refusing to follow the court's orders.
Me thinks she has done this before and wants to move on with another man….again.
I don't know anything about Utah, but we adopted 4 children from California, and I can tell you they left no stone unturned when it came to finding and contacting a father or suspected father (in California, a legal spouse is the presumed father even if he is not the biological father.) We actually had to contact and get a signature from a husband in a Mexico prison who'd been there for years and couldn't possibly be the biological father, but he was a legal spouse. All that to say, under what circumstance would authorities NOT attempt to seek relinquishment from the father, especially a legal spouse? There is more to this story.
Utah does this constantly. If you have a chance, look up Utah adoptions and you will see how it is.
This indeed is a "SAD" situation for all invovled starting with the state that support a law of this nature that can cause nothing but "family" distruction and confussion" starting with this case. This women was able to adopt out these children without the father's consent is such an injustice for the children as well as the father. this action alone shows that the mother was not acting in a rational manner. to palce everyone involved on an emotional roller coaster as such is plain old WRONG! What uncertainty will the children endure while this situation is being sorted out. All this could have been avoided if this state law would have had a few safety nets in place such as a mental evaluation for the parent who set this in motion. hopefully the outcome will cause the state to re-evaluate this law for the best interest of children not being place in a web of this nature ever again.
We've all seen people and said "Wow, they never should have been parents." – Yet when someone admits they shouldn't be a parent everyone treats them badly. Get a grip people: This woman should not be a parent and I think everyone agrees with that. So she did the right thing. Would you have preferred she drowned it in 5 months? Or abused it for the next 18 years? Obviously this couple had troubles before the baby or this never would have gone this far. Nobody knows the whole truth but them. For all we know she needed to get rid of the kid so the husband wouldn't find it he wasn't the dad. Or getting pregnant was a tactic to keep the hubby home. There are 100 ways this could have gone, but the baby getting a good set of parents is the best case outcome so what is everyone loosing their minds over?
You seem to be forgetting, Clint, that there are 2 parents in this. Tira Bland AND Terry Achane. Also, she already had a daughter from a previous marriage that he was taking care of as his own. Terry is the father, as was proven in court when he FOUGHT for almost 2 years to get Teleah back. People who don't want to be parents, don't fight to get their children back. Everyone is losing their minds, because a father was willing to step up and take care of the child he helped to create, and while he was serving his country and supporting said woman and stepchild, she saw fit to give HIS child away. And then the family who had 4 biological children and one adopted child had questionable motives for even adopting said child. Not to mention, they KNEW that the father didn't know and would want his child back, and still tried to keep her anyway, going so far as to go to court to try to terminate his parental rights. Is that what good parents do?
if dont let peoples know the truth the military husband will keep lying as well the army will keep covering up for them which is wrong so i guess the comment struck someone nerve well one day im going broadcast it in live if i cant get it on here everyone will know the truth i havent finish yet im just getting started i do thank the ones that did agree with me on what i did share light on and it was the truth my time will be on radio station and tv im going to keep voicing my opion til every woman that been through something and it dont happen again i will make it public just like theyhurt i and my son everyone will pay dearly its not so much about the money it our dignity that they ruine of i and my son