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Poll: Should She Tell if Spouse is Cheating?

Military.com’s advice columnist Ms. Vicki recently got a letter from a college student who caught her mom in the arms of another servicemember.  The young woman’s father is currently deployed downrange.

“Every time I talk to my dad, I feel like I’m lying to him and keeping something from him that he should know,” said the college student.

Ms. Vicki advised the college student not to tell. “Something like this would devastate (your father),” wrote Ms. Vicki. “I mean, I think he has a right to know, but you can’t throw this on him right now. He has to be on his best game at all times for his protection and for everyone around him, so don’t mention it to him.”

I agreed with Ms. Vicki. Yet readers, especially male readers, were outraged.  David wrote, “The other guy needs to be punished for adultery and the servicemember deserves to know!!”

Ray concurred.  “If this is a service member was indeed sexually involved with her mom, then UCMJ would define him as an adulterer, and could punish him accordingly. It might be worth the daughter having a talk with the unit commander.”

Dan objected because it caused the daughter to lie to her father. Dan wrote, “I have been deployed.  I felt betrayed when my family withheld information from me.”

When I spoke to Ms. Vicki, she said that she stood by her advice.  For her the central point in the letter was that the father was downrange. Also, Ms. Vicki said she was well aware of the UCMJ restrictions, but that the code on adultery is very hard to enforce.

That’s why Ms. Vicki wants to know what you think, Readers.  Should the daughter tell her dad that her mom is having an affair?

Take our poll below and then check out the results.

Fill out my online form.

About Amy Bushatz

Amy is the managing editor of Military.com’s spouse and family blog SpouseBuzz.com. A journalist by trade, Amy also covers spouse and family news for Military.com where she is an Associate Editor. An Army wife and mother of two, Amy has been featured as a subject matter expert on NPR and in the New York Times. Follow her on twitter @amybushatz.