No one wants to see a Marine look like a 2-liter bottle of soda with a white plastic cap on top. So we were really glad to see the USMC nix the whole discussion about making everyone wear the Dan Daly cap this fall.
And the Navy really ought to know that any uniform known as “the blueberry” is conveying more of a Willy Wonka vibe than intended. So the fact that the uniform is highly flammable is just an awesome reason to stop wearing it, right?
While Big Military is considering little military uniform rules (like the ones for tattoos, piercings, sideburns and nail length), we were just thinking that there are three other little bitty nothing changes we would really like to see just for fun:
3 Military Uniform Rules We’d Love to Break
1. Bring on the PDA. All the services have strict military uniform rules about how making out with someone in uniform is totally inappropriate and unprofessional. This includes, but is not limited to, holding hands (except when holding the hand of a young child), walking arm-in-arm, embracing, caressing, and kissing.
A “modest kiss” is allowed during your wedding. Or graduation. Or homecoming.
You are allowed to take the left arm of your servicemember when he or she is in uniform — as if you are 88-years-0ld and he or she is your grandchild come for a visit between helpings of pudding.
There is absolutely no sneaking anyone in uniform into a corner and making out with them at any time no matter how old you are.
Day-to-day we can see how this is probably a good idea. How could they get any work done if everyone is making out with them all the time?
But how about we get a special Hotness Dispensation when they are in their dress uniforms? You know, like a 24-hour pass to sneak them off behind a pillar in the parking garage and not get in trouble? Sometimes irresistible is just irresistible.
2. Roll Up Your Sleeves, Please. A while back they decided to change military uniform rules to make Marines keep their sleeves rolled down no matter how hot the weather might be.
While we appreciate the commitment to excellence implied here, and we can value the frequent removal of that blousey thing to reveal the fitted green t-shirt beneath, the rolled sleeve had a certain something going for it that we miss.
Particularly on a Marine.
3. Uniform Recycling. Some servicemembers do get an allowance for uniforms. So when the Pentagon changes the camouflage design, theoretically servicemembers can buy a couple of new ones.
This doesn’t go nearly far enough — and we don’t just mean the money. Because the problem with that kind of uniform change is that you end up with so many uniforms in your closets. The entire Rubbermaid industry has made a fortune on storing uniforms.
The used uniforms apparently sit around guilticizing our readers from dark basements. Spouses are compelled to make something from all that spare fabric — art projects, purses, quilts, ballgowns, paper, jewelry, wreaths, slipcovers.
Next time the uniform changes maybe the military could do a giant recycling project where servicemembers turn in the old uniform and get a new one in return. Then all the old uniforms could be quietly turned into … I don’t know … attic insulation?
It might work (with the exception of those flammable uniforms, please). Because in one way or another, military uniforms have been keeping servicemembers and their loved ones warm for years–and we appreciate it.