Military Brats Gone Wild


No military parent wants to see their kid on CNN with the caption, “Porn to pay tuition.”

If your military kid is going to be famous, you might hope it is because they are someone like basketball great David Robinson. Or Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon. Or Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins.

You might hope the child you raised gets ten minutes in the spotlight for pulling a child from a burning building.  Or revamping a troubled inner city school.

You don’t hope that your Duke student starts calling herself “Belle Knox” and announces she will pay her $60,000 a year tuition by performing in the porn industry, right?

You don’t hope your daughter will be compelled to reveal that her father is a military doctor who just returned from Afghanistan, do you?

Maybe I’m soft. Maybe I should use this story as an excuse to be haranguing military parents right about now.

But to tell you the truth, when this story hit the news my first thought was: those poor people. My second thought was: that poor kid.

In my job I meet so many military parents who are devoted to their children. I meet some crappy parents, too. But for the most part, I see how we are a community of people who care about our kids. We want the best for them.

And it ain’t easy to raise kids in the military. I used to think that it was. I used to be one of those moms who thought there was an exactly right way of raising kids.

I used to think that if I made these kids eat squishy green vegetables and dragged them off to school and trundled them to basketball and took them to visit their grandparents and read to them and played with them and told them how much I loved them before I kissed them goodnight, then they would turn out exactly right.

That doesn’t always happen. The older I get and the older my friends get and the older all of our kids get, the more I see that no one can control all the things teens and young adults do.

You can try. We do try. But lately I see that for every military kid that gets into Duke or Stanford or the Naval Academy, there is a kid who gets kicked out of college for a heinous alcohol incident. Or gets arrested for grand theft auto. Or is committed to an institution to try to get a handle on their depression or drug addiction or bipolar disorder.

Those troubled kids might be kids you knew who were troubled all along. Those troubled kids might be the children of troubled parents. Those troubled kids might be the ones who got into Duke or Stanford or the Naval Academy.

Where I used to be so sure of myself when my kids were little, I am less sure now.  Too many things besides parenting happen to young adults for any one parent to control.

Sometimes I think of rock legend Jim Morrison of The Doors. His father was Navy Admiral George S. Morrison who commanded the fleet during the Vietnam war—a time where men were judged as leaders by the way they controlled their families.

Their relationship was rocky to say the least. According to Admiral Morrison’s obituary in the New York Times, Jim’s rebellion was met with blank incomprehension from his father.

Admiral Morrison is quoted as saying: “I had the feeling that he felt we’d just as soon not be associated with his career. He knew I didn’t think rock music was the best goal for him. Maybe he was trying to protect us.”

That puzzlement, that bewilderment, that sifting through the past is something I think the parents of troubled military children must do all the time. It is what you do when you care about your kids and do your best for them and release them into the world.

You hope for the best for your kids.  And sometimes hope is not enough.


About the Author

Jacey Eckhart
Jacey Eckhart is the former Director of Spouse and Family Programs for Since 1996, Eckhart’s take on military families has been featured in her syndicated column, her book The Homefront Club, and her award winning CDs These Boots and I Married a Spartan?? Most recently she has been featured as a military family subject matter expert on NBC Dateline, CBS morning news, CNN, NPR and the New York Times. Eckhart is an Air Force brat, a Navy wife and an Army mom. Find her at

107 Comments on "Military Brats Gone Wild"

  1. No moral compass,no dignity,no self-respect,no shame,no self-worth.Nowhere to go after this.

  2. I love the slut shaming here. You know what, lots of lawyers, doctors, scientists, etc strip, do pr0n, work as escorts in order to pay tuition to go to the top schools, to get the best education possible. I'd be more ashamed of the young man who thinks it's okay to shame Ms. Knox for getting an education by whatever means necessary while not seeing that his behavior is exploitative. He recognized her because he was watching porn- to the tune of $300 a month. I don't care that he watches pr0n, but I do care that we hold women to a different standard than men. It's okay to be lascivious if you're a dude in America. No one rocks back and forth in a corner over his actions, they go directly to god forbid my daughter…
    You know what, if my son decided to out Ms. Knox, he'd immediately get cut off. And I'd let him figure out how to pay his Duke U. tuition. I am so tired of rewarding male privilege. I am so tired of spousebuzz slut shaming women.

    • Amy_Bushatz | March 12, 2014 at 2:11 pm |

      I want to make it clear that PLENTY of people are upset about the lasciviousness of men. I, for example, find porn completely unacceptable. In my mind watching porn is the same as cheating, and I don't get how anyone could possibly dismiss it as something less.

      • I do. No way is porn the same as cheating. Which would upset you more, finding out your husband once cheated on you, or finding out he once viewed porn? Porn doesn't get pregnant, it doesn't spread STDs, it doesn't blackmale for hush money. Your husband may like porn, but he will not leave you for porn. Cheating is simply way more disruptive to the family than porn. There is no comparison. While you may not like it if your husband finds other women attractive, that is just how men are built. Getting upset about the lasciviousness of men is like getting mad at the weather.

        • Amy_Bushatz | March 14, 2014 at 7:50 am |

          When does viewing porn happen ONCE? It doesnt. It happens over and over and over again. It doesn't make marriage better- it destroys it.

          • the first mel | March 14, 2014 at 8:15 am |

            Not everyone becomes addicted to porn. Also, a generalized statement that porn destroys marriages is based on pure assumption. You don't know what everyone does in the privacy of their own homes. Most people aren't going to post about their private sexual preferences on the internet because it's a private thing between a married couple that isn't shared on the internet. So, if you are going to base your assumptions on the few who post about how porn destroyed their marriage, you are going to have a skewed perspective.

          • I little bit of porn sometimes does a marriage good. That's all I'm going to say about that. I have no problem with my husband viewing porn. I'll out "myself," I enjoy soft core stuff myself, and will occasionally watch it– hardly addicted, I can go for months, and years without watching it…

            But I do have a question– men are stimulated sexually differently than women. Men are visual, women are tend to like "reading" about porn (hence all the sex topic articles in most women's magazines). So is a man watching a pornographic movie the same as a woman reading "50 Shades Of Gray?"

          • the first mel | March 14, 2014 at 1:02 pm |

            Considering how well I can visualize while reading, I would consider it the same. I personally would rather visualize my interpretation of sexual attractiveness of a book's characters than watch people I don't find very attractive getting it on. In the porns I have seen, I don't find many of the men attractive and some actually gross me out.

          • Same here, especially military men when they are practicing mustache march.

          • This past week research was published that empirically showed there is no such thing as porn addiction. It further showed that most previous research assumed an addiction without any data to support their conclusion.

          • Lisa Burns | March 14, 2014 at 5:23 pm |

            Um, only if they take it to the extent that they'd prefer to watch porn over having sex with you when you're able to be together. Otherwise, I see no reason why it should destroy a marriage. IMO saying that was the cause just means that marriage wasn't working for another reason (except in extreme addiction cases which are in no way common, someone's not going to choose porn over their significant other unless there's another reason they don't want to be sleeping with said partner).

          • Lol, if you don't think your husband watches porn behind your back, you're delusional.

      • I'll believe that when I see spousebuzz run tons of posts about men's bad behavior.

      • Lisa Burns | March 14, 2014 at 5:20 pm |

        I'm a female and I enjoy watching porn. I feel no jealousy or anger at the idea of my husband watching it either. Sometimes we watch it together but when we are unable to physically be with each other, I have no issues turning on some porn to help myself and I'm fine with him doing the same. I don't understand how people view it as cheating. It doesn't make us less attracted to each other, doesn't put us at risk, and it doesn't mean either of us have any desire to actually sleep with those in the porn movies. Of course I also don't mind if my husband acknowledges another woman is attractive just as he's secure enough with our relationship to be fine if I take a second glance at an attractive man walking by. It's not like either of us will hunt that person down, we're just honest enough to recognize that there are other people that are physically attractive to us, even while we only want to be with each other.

    • Nicely put…..I see your point….but you are missing the point just because one is speaking of a particular group doesn't mean they have approved of others.

  3. the first mel | March 12, 2014 at 4:36 pm |

    I don't know why anyone is judging this young woman for doing porn. Just because she is doing porn doesn't mean she isn't a good person or that she won't do anything of worth in her lifetime. This is a stepping stone that she is ok with taking. Also, not everyone is super uptight about sex and if she feels good about herself, what's the problem? I understand that porn isn't what you envision for your child, but she is an adult and you have to accept the choice even though you may not agree with it. Personally, I wouldn't be ashamed of my kid, I would be concerned about her safety.

  4. Maybe she can get a commission and be a general's aide!

    • And this is exactly why the military has a sexual assault problem. Thank you for demonstrating it.

  5. Why do people have to assume that the parents did something "wrong"? I can think of any number of "normal" families where one or more of the children have gone in directions their parents wouldn't have chosen for them.

    This young woman is an adult, and able to make her own decisions. This seems to be a matter strictly between her & her family, and the only one I can find fault with is the low-life smeghead who decided to draw attention to it.

  6. Snarky Navy Wife | March 12, 2014 at 10:42 pm |

    Did you seriously compare engaging in LEGAL and consensual sex acts with grand theft auto and heinous alcohol incidents serious enough to warrant expulsion?

    That level of sl*t shaming deserves a slow clap. A long, earnest, begloved slow clap. Because that is pretty incredible.

    Do better.

  7. Jango Soprano | March 13, 2014 at 8:36 am |

    I would say blame the dad, but I have seen over and over and over again where a father tells his young daughter not to wear provocative clothing and the mother fights him on it. Mostly because she wears the same thing. As parents you have to set examples. Kids follow by example.

  8. All sad. But what does anyone do for the military brat. The one who moves around and has no roots. They learn no loyalty to one area. Friends can be replaced. You don’t want them to turn out like her, but you offer no hand up for the unvolunteery childhood they give up. When the parent retires they get sometimes for the rest of there life… What do we give the children?

    • After reading your post, I'd say ignorance and poor spelling.

    • It has NOTHING to do with being a military brat

    • Well, in my case, it gave me:

      1) A developed ability to appreciate multiple different viewpoints as being valid.
      2) A world view that goes farther than the next state over.
      3) The ability to speak a foreign language with little accent because I learned it IN that country.
      4) An incredibly strong sense of family, to include a heightened understanding of the need to be able to find ways to get along with the members you don’t agree with because, while your friends change, your family is the constant presence in your life.

      Even though my dad moved about every 2 years, my parents were able to instil in me the behaviors and principles that would have turned me away from the path this individual chose. Case in point: I went to college in New Orleans, yet I never drank alcohol until I was 21, I was never one of the guys with a handful of beads shouting “show me your ____!”, and I never took advantage of a woman.

      (Of course, being sexually harrassed in junior high and knowing what it's like to be face-to-face with those who sexually objectified me would also steer me away from her chosen path.)

      • Being a brat may make your upbringing different, or even difficult, but it doesn’t mean you LOST your childhood or that its effects are going to categorically be negative.

  9. Googled "bella"…some hard core porn going on there!

  10. Searched on Yahoo, she does selfie porn, she is a star in her own mind! Her sense of dignity and morals can only. Be learned at home! She is another product of us disciplined child rearing who definitely needed a spanking,and she'd put that on the internet! Whoever is paying her is pretty desperate, I can't see how she will raise that tuition money with her looks!

    • yea cause thats really what this boils down to. Do you find her hot?? Youre an idiot.

    • It fascinates me that you had yo google her before making your assumptions. Do you feel good about yourself now? Morally high and all superior?

  11. sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 12:38 pm |

    This is that point where I just can’t not say something. Even though I am old, and some of the comments here make me feel even older. This absolutely is NOT feminism. Anyone trying to skew what this young woman is doing to herself as some sort of feminist act against patriarchy, and the rest of us as “**** shaming” her…is a moron. Google the woman. She is known for female degradation films. Violent, subservient, derogatory films. The opportunity cost here to not only her life, but to the further increasing of the hegemony which already terrorizes our culture…is horrific.
    Can women empower themselves through objectifying themselves…assuredly, yes, in very specific ways they can turn that on its head to their advantage thereby empowering themselves. However, as women do we really want to promote a woman degrading herself in the types of films this one is known for? Do we want to perpetuate the idea that women are to be violently used, forcibly degraded against their will Etc.? There is no fine line between harnessing your own power through claiming your own body as your own…and GIVING AWAY your power by allowing yourself to become a caricature of woman as men’s disposable object. Google her, you are defending something very different than you think you are if you are coming to her defense as some great advocate for women. What is next? Do we deify the woman who gives her life in "the great feminist cause" of the snuff film? There is adult entertainment…and then there is promotion of violence against women…this young woman, is paying her way through Duke with the latter.

    • So we are only supposed to be in favor of her doing things we approve of? What kind of feminism is that. My feminism says that I will support women who stay home, who work, who are prostitutes and priests. I may not agree with her choice of career or her particular brand of porn but I will damn well defend her right to do it. It is a legal consensual act that she is participating in and getting paid for.
      What bothers me here is that you feel it is your right to tell everyone what is acceptable as feminism. That's antifeminist.
      It's also horrifically condescending to assume I am not intelligent enough to do my own research before posting a comment. I wish you extended me the courtesy of treating me like an intelligent woman I am instead of assuming I couldn't tie my intellectual shoelaces without your assistance.

      • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 4:06 pm |

        If you truly believe that films which out and out promote violence toward women, empower women..,I have no words for you. I hope you reap exactly the sort of culture you would thereby sow for women.

        • Porn is fantasy, not reality. Most people know the difference.

          • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 8:40 pm |

            She does R*PE porn. Violent objectification porn. She didn't do a layout for Playboy or some soft core porn promoting equality….she is known exclusively for violent, degrading, hard core r*pe and abuse porn…seriously, you're ok with that? This idea that to be "socially just" means to say: there is no right or wrong, everything is grey…is total BS. I don't care how you want to spin it or to what agenda.

          • While I understand the huge squick factor concerning non-consensual portrayals of sex, there are plenty of feminists who enjoy and engage in non-con fantasies. We can study and debate the statistics of violence around porn in general and violent porn specifically all day, but there's one very simple truth at the bottom of all of this:

            Her body. Her feminism.

            It's not your experience. It's not your body. It's not your choice. To claim feminism and sl*t shame her while not saying a word about the men (and women) who drive demand for violent porn is rather hypocritical. Fourth wave feminism has, as one of its very firm legs, an acceptance of the individual experience of feminism. Whether you choose to be a SAHM or a career woman, a SAHD or a career man, a nun or a monk or a minister, a sex worker or a chef or a nanny or a teacher or a CEO or a tech entrepreneur, it is all valid. It is your life, and as long as it's legal and all acts are actually consensual (as non-con fantasy acts are, at their core), it's nobody's business how you define your relationship with feminism and the freedom to choose your life path.

            It's akin to me saying that you can't be a feminist because you're a milspouse or support the mil-lifestyle. I mean, who would willingly put her career aspirations second to her husband's? What kind of feminism is this when a woman is told by the patriarchal entity that is the military/US government where to live, regardless of her career needs? Whose feminism says it's okay for her to attend spouse social events yet remain aware of the dangers of fraternization should her friendship outside of her "class" come too close to her husband? This? Is bollocks. And so is anyone saying I'm not a real feminist because I support sex workers claiming and profiting from their sexuality in a society that commodifies the same and then demonizes it and her when her sexual agency defies patriarchal control.

          • *slow clap*
            Thanx for this.

          • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 10:39 pm |

            Oh good Lord. Get on with your bad self Navy….what a bizarre-o world we find ourselves in. If you for one minute…think any woman, 100% objectifying herself by being: spit on, choked out, having names screamed at her and multiple male organs shoved down her throat until she pukes…is EMPOWERING…you are out of your damn mind. Not to mention the fact she looks about 14…and her marketing firm uses that fact to market her. So you..this great feminist…has come to the defense of a) a woman creating r*pe porn b) a woman who purposefully markets herself as "teen" porn….So you are good with r*pe and child porn…I am sure Gloria Steinem would be so proud, how on Earth did you get from women's empowerment to this complete and total woman, even child female, as disposable object? I am sorry, but your post is like the quintessential icon of the last great word in what is wrong with the world we now inhabit.

          • There is NOTHING liberating about what she is doing
            Defining feminism in that manner is demeaning to all the women who have taken responsibility seriously.
            Throughout my years in the Navy, I was either the first woman officer who had been assigned to the position or was the ONLY woman assigned to a command.
            I felt it was my responsibility to not only do a good job but also to set a pattern so maybe next time they might consider another female officer.
            Hardcore porn does not equate with any feminism I am aware of or have
            been a part of……

          • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 6:02 am |


          • Lisa Burns | March 14, 2014 at 5:33 pm |

            Unless there is true non-consent going on then I have no issues with people's fantasies. I prefer more hardcore porn when I watch it because of the fantasy involved but that doesn't equate to me being okay with someone actually being raped or underage stuff (she's young but very clearly looks over 18 to me). I'm not going to get down on someone's kinks just because they aren't my thing provided everyone consents to it.

          • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 10:44 pm |

            Finally, has any of you astute academic feminists stopped to ask yourself just exactly HOW this young woman who was at a Catholic prep school in Spokane last year, and has only been on Duke's campus since this past fall…just all of a sudden finds herself in the most vile end of the adult film industry, by November of her freshman year? Sure, there is no exploitation of this woman going on anywhere…would you like me to string some lights up on the bridge before I quick claim it over to you? But you don't really care about her or her welfare or any woman for that matter, you just care about your agenda. Because money=consent. Always and forever, because you are devoid of any ethics whatsoever, except the almighty dollar.

          • I would respond, but 1) the logic is missing or full of fallacies, and I don't feel like addressing all the possibilities because 2) you are functioning from an egocentric viewpoint and refuse to consider other viewpoints. It would obviously be a waste of my time.

            Also, ^quit claim.

            Also, I'm not an academic, but thanks!

          • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 7:47 am |

            It’s you who is promoting an egocentric moral philosophy. You would have us all believe that the ethics of free will begin and end with personal responsibility and personal liberation. This is a short sighted view, which has been philosophically defeated by the likes of: Socrates, Plato, Epictetus, Aurelius, Aquinas, More, Chesterton…..In truth, free will of the individual has a direct impact on society. This is why since the beginning of time mankind has instituted societal laws. We can trace our own basic laws back to the Hammurabi code. I don’t expect you to know this, I do expect her to. Why? Because her parents paid a great deal of money for her to attend Gonzaga Prep, where she had a core centered around humanist ethics. I know exactly what this training entailed because I was paid well to tutor these students while attending Gonzaga as an undergrad. In a nutshell, she absolutely “knows better”. She knows that her choices as a woman, especially a woman of extreme economic privilege, do in fact have a direct impact on women in society at large. She’s misguided, and I do believe whole heartedly there is more to this story than we clearly know, because you don’t go from where she came to hard core abuse porn in the first three months of your academic career without something else entirely going on. Finally, you asked why I didn’t direct more outrage toward consumers of the types of films she is making. Rest assured I have just as much outrage toward them. However, this article was about her choices, as a woman of economic and academic privilege, who says she wants to be a leader in society one day. If she wants to be a leader in society one day she needs to begin and end with the idea that leaders have a moral obligation to the entire society, not just a Descartes’ carte blanche egocentric “freedom”.

          • There are so many logical fallacies here it would take me an hour to respond to all of them. So I'm not going to bother. My momma taught me it was rude to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

            But hey congratulations on getting an undergrad from Gonzaga. I'll see you with my STEM Duke University PhD- since we're now in a measuring contest.

          • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 11:51 am |

            I have a Masters from GU as well…I've been offered three PhD slots but I am having a hard time understanding the point…since I am after all a military spouse…and you know…staying in one place is next to impossible as is getting employment equal to education. I wasn't applying a measuring stick, I was saying I know her background ethics training wise very well…and she clearly missed something integral to that training somewhere or has been misguided by some extremely radical feminazi women's studies professor…highly more probable than both..she has gotten herself, through naivete into a very dangerous and heavy subculture and still is under the misguided opinion that she is being empowered and empowering other women by doing so. When she ends up dead, I can't wait to watch you all martyr her as a saint to your feminazi cause.

          • As someone who has a PhD, now is a good time to point out that getting in isn't the hard part and given your love of logical fallacies I doubt you will make it past your comprehensive exams. But good luck. I wish you all the best.
            And no, just because you don't like 4th wave feminism doesn't mean it's wrong. But this is what always happens with you. You attack and degrade people but you can't take it when someone turns it around on you. You are the definition of a bully and it is clear all you do is hang out on spousebuzz all day and other mil-related websites and scream at anyone who dares disagree with you.
            Get a fracking hobby. I'm done with you. This Nature paper isn't going to write itself.

          • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 1:00 pm |

            I really LOVE your use of the term "logical fallacies" over and over again, after someone else used it, because now you think it makes you look intellectually superior…that's what I LOVE. What I appreciate in this particular case is nuance and this little thing called: FACTS. If you want a world where there is no right or wrong and all violence can be misconstrued as consensual by throwing some money on it…again Google is your friend not even a lot of money in her case…which really makes it even that much harder to stomach your defense of her…$1200 a scene and no residuals…this is the vast empowered fortune she is making, which has no opportunity cost to her later earnings in life…right? Riiiiiiiight. How about you, actually know facts of an issue, before trying to layer it up in your feminazi BS and call it empowerment of women? And I haven't commented on this damn blog in 3 weeks…though I see you have…multiple times.

          • Facts:

            Nobody has said money makes violence okay…except you. BDSM and non-con isn't only for porn, and relationships that involve these kinks involve money about as often as non-kink relationships do. Your assertion above doesn't make sense.

            Nobody said all violence can be misconstrued as consensual. You are once again leaping from one statement to supposition in an illogical way. Or else you're just being willfully ignorant.

            Nobody said anything about violent porn being empowering, only that supporting this woman's choices does not negate our claim to feminism. Her decision, her feminism. If she finds it personally empowering, awesome. Not all women will. I wouldn't, so I wouldn't do porn of any flavor. Non-con is not my kink, so I don't engage in it, but I won't tell others that their kink is bad or damaging. I don't have their experiences and worldview, so I don't have the right to tell them what they should or shouldn't do with their bodies, nor do I have that desire.

            Nobody said anything about this not having long-term effects, but we could spawn a new discussion regarding the effects of being related to porn in some fashion and how the consequences reflect a double standard.

            Your grammar makes your comments more difficult to parse. Do us a solid and, if you're going to attempt to belittle or insult us, do some self-editing? While you're at it, ponder some strawman, no true Scotsman, slippery slope, ad hominem. See if any of those strike a bell.

            I'm not sure why I've bothered with this response because there's no reasoning with you. Your way is the only right way. Your definition of feminism is the only right definition. The rest of us are wrong because you said so. Roger that. But know this: I respect your definition of feminism…for you. If you think being in porn makes you a slut, then have at that belief. If you think engaging in non-con scenes means you're exploiting yourself and hurting women in general, then don't engage in non-con scenes. Apply your definition to yourself and stop telling us that our feminism is wrong.

          • PS you do realize if it does effect her future earnings all she has to do is legally change her name right?

          • Oh dear god I couldn't agree with you more…the number of times I've had to walk away from my computer because of the asinine bullying comments that woman makes…I've realized there is no point in arguing with her, she's too close minded and bitter at the world to see ANYTHING in a view point other then her own

          • Dark deviant fantasy is still fantasy. Legal is legal.

        • She is selling it not giving it and that makes it a straightforward business transaction. The porn industry is a billion dollar worldwide business and is alive and well today, because people want it.

          She made a choice, and that is all. She should not be condemned any more than a man should and the women for some reason get condemned when the man does not. A man with multiple sex partners is a stud, a woman with the same is a slut?
          America needs to spend more time learning to mind their own business.

        • Can I just say, I read all of your posts on this and I wanted to respond specifically to you.

          I am a feminist, I am one of the few feminists I know outside of the internet. I am considered by many to be an extreme feminist but I would not categorize myself as such. I believe in absolute equality for all people and I advocate specifically against slut shaming and rape culture as much as possible given my limited power and platform.

          I also like to be tied down and whipped. I like to engage in consensual non-consent role play. I like to be submissive in the bedroom.

          And you have no right to try to shame me or people like me, to try to make me feel bad for engaging in consensual sexual practices that I enjoy and to try to limit my sexuality. You have no right to say I am less of a feminist for enjoying submissive fantasy or that someone who makes bdsm or noncon material is bad or unfeminist just because you, Personally, don’t like it.

  12. puresaltA1A | March 13, 2014 at 1:18 pm |

    Right or wrong… this lady is getting tons of free marketing by every media outlet… she will have more money than she needs for tuition… most likely she will never get out of that industry now… how many companies would want to hire someone like her???? HR background check would flipout… She will not get into a fortune 1000 for sure, much less a private one… unless she goes into business for herself (outside of porn)… So what good is an education??? You dont need an education to go into business for yourself, unless you are per say a doctor… so what is the point of buying an over price education if you are not going to use it…. its just a piece of paper to get your foot in the door for an interview… but Jacey you are right with your thoughts of what control you have with children… now that you know this you should read the prophet by kahlil gibran… it really gives some great wisdom about who you are and what you can control… my two cents… changed my life……

    • It's not about getting a piece of paper. College education should be about 1) expanding your knowledge and 2) expanding your contacts.

      • puresaltA1A | March 13, 2014 at 5:27 pm |

        there is very little knowledge is learned in college that cant be learned outside of it… all it does is give you a start date to really start looking for jobs and say hey look… im edjamacated….

        • Some jobs you can't get without that piece of paper. Nurse, MD, DO, engineer, pharmacist…

          I learned plenty in nursing school, myself.

        • This is true to a point.. Just recently read an article "Hacking Your Education".

          However, as another just pointed out, getting into certain doors requires the right "pass".

  13. What's being left unsaid here is the horribly high price of a college education today. I'm a dad and I certainly wouldn't want my daughter doing this, but I am finding it difficult to blame Knox for it. A colllege education makes a huge difference in quality of life later on. If she hadn't been outed, it is possible that she could have left this behind her and started a real career after school.

    The problem is employers frequently do internet searches on prospective job hires, so this will probably have some serious negative career repercussions later.

    • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 2:44 pm |

      Except this story is not about college education price at all.
      A) she turned down a full ride to Vanderbilt and instead chose Duke where she got less financial aid
      B) she could have went to any number of less expensive yet still prestigious schools for less than Duke
      C) her parents paid for her and all of her siblings to attend Gonzaga prep at 11k a year and contribute to all of their kids' collegiate educations
      No. What this IS, is the most ridiculous case of a bad liberal professor ever or the most ridiculous case of frosh know it all ever. You know everyone who takes Psych 101 now labels their peers with psychiatric disorders, etc. Somehow this young impressionable woman has been given the misguided idea that selling her soul to appear in extreme bondage and r*pe videos (that's what she did people, not nude layouts…very heavy hardcore films) somehow in some strange twisted liberal world is empowering to HER or OTHER WOMEN…it's nuts, like crazier than I am…NUTS.

      • So what.
        It's ok to sl*t-shame her because you would have made different choices. Maybe the program at Duke is better than Vanderbilt. I chose a school for it's program's prestige over the best financial aid package because I wanted to know the top people in my field, get their recommendations, and run on the inside track in my field. This decision paid off handsomely, although I have a MOUNTAIN of student loan debt right now because of it. If I could have done it without the debt, I would have found a way to do it.

        • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 4:10 pm |

          If it is sl*t shaming, to as a mature adult woman…one who is certainly not croned yet, but is looking that end of life square in the face to say "shut up and sit down" when you think you are promoting the empowerment of women by championing a woman who has chosen extreme physical violence toward women on film as a way to "empower" herself and the rest of womankind…then you're right. I am a sl*t shamer, and I am also loud and clearly telling you to shut up and sit the F down.

          • My point exactly. YOU don't respect anyone with a different opinion than yours. It's not like this is the first post where you've taken a hard line and told everyone who disagrees with you that they are stupid. You make assumptions about people all the time and are a bully to people who are different than you. That is the definition of not being a feminist.

          • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 8:27 pm |

            Whoever said I would claim to be a feminist? Besides if you are a feminist…what woman in her right mind would want to be one?

          • Well in this particular case, I am a woman who supports the diversity of women, their choices, their individual world views.
            Feminism is the reason I can have the job I have and do the work I do in a field where, at my level, women make up ~10% of the workforce. I claim that in part to honor the women who fought the fights so I could stand in this rarified atmosphere and claim it as my own. I claim it to honor the sacrifices I have made to get to my position in life while being a military spouse when everyone said it was impossible.
            I honor the fact that women have the right to make different choices than me and find their own vision of happiness.
            So yes, I loudly and proudly proclaim myself a feminist. I honor my brothers and sisters who paved the way for my achievements in my field and I don't feel the least bit guilty about having that label.

        • puresaltA1A | March 13, 2014 at 5:32 pm |

          you really think that the any company that looked into her background would even hire her??? HR nightmare….

          • That is my biggest objection (if it can be called that) to her decision to do it. What she's doing is legal, but I think there are a number of companies who might have eagerly opened the door for a Duke graduate that will close it for a known "adult star" of either gender.

            They're going to be worried about their public image and their image with companies they do business with, because not everybody's cool with this. Society has become more comfortable with a broader concept of a sex life, but there's still a strong taboo an aversion when the "for profit" aspect comes into play.

            Plus, they may be worried about internal harrassment issues which I can only imagine are complicated when an individual involved has performed sex acts in a publically accessible forum.

            She may feel liberated and empowered on an individual level at this point, but i think she will feel more constrained and limited when she goes looking for a job.

        • A Hiring Manager | March 14, 2014 at 10:42 am |

          Sadly, you, and this young lady, bought into the "best professors" and "best institution" college marketing scheme.

          I made a very different choice twenty years ago, selecting the cheap, in-state school that was still a top 25 program but not THE top that would have cost more than 10x more. I graduated with no college debt whatsever (thanks to part-time jobs and a few scholarships), still got a job at a top company, and now am more than comfortably set for an early retirement.

          As for the new employees I hire: actual program and institution is low on the list of things considered, compared to exhibiting drive, enthusiasum, thirst for knowledge, and not looking stupid on any internet search we do.

  14. I wonder how many of the posters slamming this young lady have viewed pornos themselves. Rings of hypocrisy to me.

    • sabrinacking | March 13, 2014 at 4:12 pm |

      I don't have a problem with porn…I have a significant problem with the type of films she is engaging in…which I seriously doubt most of the people here commenting in her defense…have actually looked into.

    • I loved it when she said most women watch it
      NO most women do not.
      Her comment sounds more like an opinion than a statement of fact.
      It also leads me to wonder how much 'education' she is receiving at

      • Lisa Burns | March 14, 2014 at 5:38 pm |

        Perhaps she could have changed her wording from "most" to "many". Would that have made you feel better?

  15. Just let it go
    She has had her 15 minutes of fame at OUR expense
    The fact she was a military brat is no interest to me.
    nor does it make her unique………many of us are and were……..
    so what?
    She needs to move on in her life and stop
    wearing her chosen profession, to pay for her tuition, like some sort of badge of courage……….

    • At OUR expense? What has she cost you, because she hasn't cost me anything.

      Or did you max out your credit card at her website?

  16. I am not going to judge her. She chose her path which does not intersect mine.

  17. I feel like this was a very thinly veiled attempt to correlate belle knox and the military. Shes an adult now and paying for her own schooling. I don't see what the big deal is. Porn is not illegal and its laughable that on a military site people are trying to shame her for doing it when I'm 100% certain their soldier has par taken in its viewing. She got into and is paying for Duke so in my mind her parents did a fine job. I'd like to know where the parents of the young man who outed her went so very, very wrong.

    • Amy_Bushatz | March 14, 2014 at 7:54 am |

      But like I said — in THIS house I consider porn viewing = cheating on me. It's not OK here.

      • Dragoneyes | March 14, 2014 at 4:15 pm |

        I bet your husband watches porn and you don't know about it……men are sneaky. I would never believe a guy who told me he didn't watch porn. Men do what they want to do. They don't like women controlling them.

        • I am a guy with absolutely no interest in porn. I considered it like being in a kid in a candy store with no money. What in the hell is the point? On the plus side, I married a women who's sex drive match mine, so again, what the point?

  18. I would love to know why my post that essentially said “p0rn is healthy” and “I would be proud if my daughter got into Duke” was removed.
    It was far less offensive than some of the other comments I see.

  19. I have a question for all those opposed pornography, I posted it in another thread, but thought it needed a thread of its own.

    If pornography viewing, in your opinion, is tantamount to cheating, what are your thoughts on books, magazines, etc for women? Women tend to be stimulated differently then men. They tend to like to "read" about it, whereas men like to visually experience it. So are women who read books like, "50 Shades of Gray," or "Sleeping Beauty Series" (by Anne Rice), or any other erotic novels also cheating on their husbands? I can totally see a double standard, where a woman can claim that she is reading a novel for the joy of reading the novel, but a man can't watch a movie, because it's considered cheating?

    Personally, my opinion on the Belle is you go girl, if it pays for Duke, more power to you. I certainly couldn't afford Duke, and I wouldn't have done porn to, but I think that as long as she's happy, paying her way, etc stop shaming her. It's the same as fat shaming, skinning shaming, etc.

    • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 12:13 pm |

      Actually, its not. And I have nothing against the female body or female sexuality. But this young woman, is engaged in extremely violent films. We're not talking Playboy or Cinemax here….we're talking way down the end of the hall, one step before snuff film…films. Google is your friend.
      If she wants to come out on national television and multiple national venues to state that doing so is a form of woman empowerment and that she is not only empowering herself but other women by doing so…then we have a moral obligation, as women, to say: F no. The truth is, I think most of you don't know very much about this story at all. You made some blanket statements about porn and rarara sexuality, without actually doing your research on what she has done and now you don't want to backtrack your view. Ok fine. Be morally ambivalent. Knock yourself out.
      However, I…have been following this story for weeks at sites like Patheos and Scallywag, and the "facts" are so far from female empowering that everyone coming to her defense is absolutely hysterical. The only thing we can agree upon is a) she shouldn't be attacked as a human being, have violent threats made against her etc that also is not what humanist ethics is about b) the young man who was supposedly a friend who "outed" her also needs remedial ethics training. The proper response, as her "friend" would be to do a damn intervention. If that didn't work and you were afraid of the dangerous crowd she had gotten into: GO TO HER PARENTS.
      I am seriously concerned for the types of people some of you are raising. My son, when discussing this story said it was: subjugating, demoralizing, abusive and the men doing it were sociopaths. My son when confronted with a female in his HS who was being abused by a peer, took that peer aside and cleaned his clock and then went to the administration and his friend's parents. That's what MEN, good, decent MEN do. But you go ahead convincing yourself otherwise.

      • Have you read 50 Shades of Gray, or Sleeping Beauty? Both books had sequences of auto-erotic torture, where the woman was subjected to abuse and enjoyed it sexually. How is that any different than "acting" out similar sequences on screen? Is it because you are reading about it, and it's not real person, that it doesn't have the empowering effect???

        • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 4:42 pm |

          I read about a chapter of 50 Shades of Grey and found it a total yawnfest and really tame. It's been years since I read any Anne Rice but I don't remember any scenes in that series where multiple men were slapping, violently sodomizing, gagging, choking to passing out, spitting on, calling every name people are using here to say we shouldn't call her…and then all of them…relieving themselves on her, at once. Once again, I don't think you people have any idea the type of films she actually has made. All 5'4 90 odd lbs of her which looks all of maybe 14……seriously, you have no idea what you are talking about. Multiple women's movement sites are speaking out against her. She is not the new Gloria Steinem. She is a girl in a lot of trouble, and if anyone cared about her, they'd intervene.

        • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 4:47 pm |

          I'll just add I love how you all think this is about fluffy cuffs and "take me Daddy"…. You all are clearly very naive about the type of films she is actually doing and they full on, completely, entirely promote violence toward and degradation of:women. If that's the movement you now want count me out, and oh I don't know most of the icons of the women's movement who have said the same thing ever since Lovelace.

        • sabrinacking | March 14, 2014 at 5:05 pm |

          Here jojo read this, it sums up my own position better than I can clearly since none of you want to listen to me, read some Gloria:

          Why do I care? Working with the homeless census I was introduced to the white slavery market which is prolific in of all places: WA and OR because of direct flights to Asia. I hadn't really considered violence against women at the same level until working with two outreach programs for youth sex workers. Anyone who thinks this young woman is empowering herself or others in any way is obtusely naive.

      • Lisa Burns | March 14, 2014 at 5:47 pm |

        Well again you're equating acting out fantasy with real life. Those porns, while clearly not everyone's kink, are them acting these fantasies out. It's consensual and the only ones I'd have a problem with is if I heard that the director wouldn't let filming stop if it became too much and a safe word was used. Whereas your example of your son's situation clearly has that female in a situation where she did not give her consent and it was not part of acting out a sexual fantasy with things such as respected safe words to protect her. Also I'd say your example with your son was debatable in that I assume by "clean his clock" you mean he beat the guy who was abusing the girl up because that's what "good, decent men" do. How does him beating up someone making him any better than the abuser? By no means was the other guy in the right either but I don't think the solution should be the just smack the guy around instead…

    • What they're really bent about is that she isn't conforming to their moral standards and that's simply not ok. Afterall, SB and it's commentors are the last line in the sand against such moral turpitude.

  20. If we all would just judge ourselves as much and as quickly as we tend to judge others, this world would be a much better place to live. I do not agree with this young girl's choice of profession to pay for college nor do I agree with how our society is paying to see her in porn thus paying her so well that she can afford a 60k tuition. I care for this young woman and wish the best for her and for all and that we all can be driven to reach our dreams without hurting others to do so.

  21. Someonehastoomuchtimeontheirhands | March 17, 2014 at 2:02 pm |

    Thank you, had you not wrote this I would have never found out about Belle Knox. If she’s old enough to go to college and responsible enough to pay for it herself she can pretty much do anything she wants. The fact that she wants to do porn is totally her choice and I’m sure that regardless of what she does her parents still love her. So what’s it to anyone here? Behind the doors in base housing dependentopotamuses spend too much time worrying about everyone else’s business. I see nothing has changed. But maybe I’m the one who’s being judgemental?

    • LMAO>dependentopotamuses, AKA BMWs seem to always be in other peoples bidness, but dont take care of their own.

  22. R. A. Bates | March 20, 2014 at 1:37 am |

    I agree with many of the comments, that as an adult, one can be responsible and choose their own path to get through life. What I have a problem with is the lack of help military parents get throughout their career. I was transferred to Kodiak, Ak and was informed by my 14 year daughter, after being there just two weeks, that her new friends said "the only thing to do in Kodiak is smoking and having sex". I didn't know how to react to something like that or what I could do to protect her, but 3 months later, after being underway for a month and a half, I was informed my little girl was pregnant. She was treated poorly by the locals and especially bad by the base " moral" personnel. I will never forgive the 16 year old boy, of a military family, who seduced her or the base personnel, who treated her so badly. Makes me ashamed of the lack of support from the people who boast about helping our service members and their families. What a joke!

  23. …"But to tell you the truth, when this story hit the news my first thought was: those poor people. My second thought was: that poor kid."

    A quote from your op-ed, yet the title of your post and the head shot of "that poor kid" only perpetuates and brings attention to an incident that may be better resolved in private with her family. You're only helping to make this woman a poster child for questionable behavior. What if this were your kid? I say leave this woman and family alone and address the bigger issue.

  24. This story really had no point!

  25. Alot of folks on these blogs seem to "cast the first stone". I find it humerous. Perfect people scrutinizing and judging others. Most of you have nothing better to do, get a hobby.

    • We all have our own 'stuff.' I just hope no one decides to make mine (ours) the subject of a blog post. I say leave the girl alone and let her deal with her family about her job opportunities (if they choose to deal with it). If not, that's up to them too.

  26. A not so small point–my sister and I were Army brats. My two daughters are Navy Juniors and quite proud of it. Why do you call every dependent child an Army Brat? It's not accurate and basically says screw the tradition.

  27. Antietam1958 | March 20, 2014 at 4:02 pm |

    Move on people. it not your place to judge her. that is left up to only one person and that is "God" and we don't know how he will judge her.

  28. She's not a kid, she's an adult. Her decision to work in porn had little to do with being from a military family. It was a self centered decision, and very unrealistic to not anticipate the repercussions –the least of which would be to have her face on Spouse Buzz! It's all part of the losing side of a battle the family faces in regard to their own privacy: "Although Knox never publicly revealed her real name, people have posted her identity on the Web, along with the names of parents, sisters and other family members in her hometown of Spokane, Wash., and the high schools and middle schools they attended." -HuffPo It would seem she likes the attention, has no intention to quit, and has chosen this path for herself. Her relationship with her family is her business.

  29. sharpshooterjim | March 27, 2014 at 1:33 pm |

    Don't you think, that maybe you should also be criticizing, why it cost $60,000 to go to Duke? Or also go after the ridiculous prices of food? I thought that Mad Cow Disease was over, over 5 years ago. Why haven't the prices of meat gone back down?

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