"But… your husband has been seriously wounded and will be going into surgery in the next 30 minutes. Don’t worry… he’ll be okay." *GULP*
It’s 12:15am on June 21, 2005. I just went to bed 45 minutes ago and I was almost asleep when the phone rang. I figured it was hubby calling from Iraq – but the voice on the other end of the phone was not hubby’s. In the next 30 seconds (or so), my brain went through the following process:
"Don’t panic, Joan. It won’t help the situation. Ask questions, stay calm, listen to what the voice on the other end of the phone has to say. Stay calm… kids are sleeping. THANK GOD HE’S ALIVE! Don’t try to think too much into this, just stay calm. This is a phone call, not someone standing on the door step in Class A’s. HE’S ALIVE! THANK YOU, LORD!"
I hung up the phone and contemplated whether to call hubby’s mother at such a late hour. Five minutes later, I called and told her what happened. No panic attacks involved – I was just telling her what I knew. And I stayed calm…. I was in shock! No doubt!
The next few days were a blur – phone call, people visiting, more phoce calls… The support I received from family and friends was nothing short of amazing – and exhausting!!! I joined my hubby and my mother-in-law at Walter Reed on June 25th… the beginning of whole new chapter in our lives.
I wanted to post this to open the door for others to share their experiences, ask questions, or give advice to others who are experiencing (or have experienced) "the phone call." If you don’t feel comfortable posting a comment for everyone else to read, please e-mail me at jean.of.arc@gmail.com. I’d like to know what you have to say.
About Joan D'Arc
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I want you to know that you are not alone out there. My husband was injured as well about a year ago. He has gone back to work on full active duty even though he needs now another surgery to correct a problem. My concerns lie when he returns to an actively deploying unit. Although I couldn't possibly be more proud of him and his progresses I am terrified it will happen again someday. But I do know that we are not alone out there. There are MANY like us here at home, nursing our injured loved ones back to health and stability. Take pride in yourself and your husband, we all deserve medals!!
Becky, thank you for your kind words. I know I am not alone, unfortunately. I have met MANY amazing spouses, such as yourself, who have been through this experience. My husband is still AD as well, but his current assignment is non-deployable. This is good, as he also has more surgeries to endure (although they are "minor" compared to what he has already had done). I, too, wonder what will happen when he is in a deployable unit again. Yes, I do worry at times, but for now I just thank God that he is alive and that his current assignment will not send him to the sandbox. At least not right now… Best wishes to you and your husband.
"Joan" — we haven't had the opportunity to talk, really, about some of our experiences. But from one who was making the calls from the other end, it's an education knowing what we said and how we said it were critical in what "you heard" when we were talking. Whomever called you, to this day, is wondering if what they said/or HOW they said what they said, made a difference. The human body and the human mind are quite resilient — but nothing can replace the human touch. Give the ol' man a hug from one of the girls… Toad
Becky – Thank you for adding your comments. I think what you've said is going to affect a great many of our military spouses. Many people do not understand that military members who are wounded, seriously wounded, are returning to combat duty. I've seen men with leg amputations go back into combat situations with their units. They are truly amazing and inspiring!
Until I read your comments, I had never realized just how amazing and inspiring their spouses are as well. To send your spouse into combat the first time, second time or third time is difficult – but to send your spouse back into combat after watching him recuperate from an injury must be excruciating.
Please keep in touch us and share your experiences as you strive to support your husband. I'm sure there are many military spouses who also share this challenge.
Hi, my husband is leaving for the Navy in January. I am excited, but again very nervous and afraid. I do not know what to expect and has never been away from my husband. He will have to be away for 6 months and when he come back we will have to move to another state. I reside in Memphis, Tn and do not know how it is to live in another state. This is a new thing for us, I am very nervous and a bit emotional and would like to know how other military wives cope with new environments and the thought of leaving family, friends, job, etc.
I remember reading the post about him being injurred. My stomach fell to the floor. I had only been reading his blog for a short while but already felt as though I "knew" him. So his injuries hit close to home.
You all have been in my prayers since that first day and continue to be. As do all of our soldiers, airmen, seamen, and Marines.
I wish I had gotten "the call", I didn't. I got the men at the door. My husband was in Baqubah when an IED changed my world and that of my children. I think what your doing by sharing is a wonderful thing.
When my husband died, I too had so much support from the military family. I was surrounded and it was so appreciated.
I will say this. Before David depolyed I went to a briefing about the deployment and when they talked about "the knock on the door", all the spouses squirmed in their seats and didn't wanna hear it, I was one of them. However, there are so many things that we don't know, that our military members don't know. Things that we should be aware of before they ever leave.
I think you're doing a great job, keep it up! :)
My husband was injured in Oct. 2004. When I got the call, I was at my sister’s house in Maryland with my kids. She wasn’t there with me. I just remember slowly sitting down at the kitchen table in total shock. They told me that he was seriously injured and wanted to speak to me. All he said was that he was going to be okay and didn’t even get to tell me what was wrong with him. So my mind was just going all over the place. After tons of phone calls made and lots to me, I was able to find out the extent of his injuries and was able to talk to him again while he was in the hospital in Germany. Let me just tell you though, that I was really taken care of, not just by my family, but by the Marine Corps. They did so much for me and my family that I don’t know what I would have done, probably had a nervous breakdown. They let him do his convalescent leave in Maryland at Bethesda instead of coming all the way back to San Diego, which was a blessing because our 2 kids could be watched by my sister while I was staying at the hospital with him. They did so many other things that this comment would go on for a long time if I wrote them all. Solider’s Angles is also wonderful and took very good care of us during the trip we had to make coming back to California and didn’t have enough money for. So needless to say, we all recovered, mostly my husband, who went back to work full duty the following year. I was very concerned about him deploying again as well after he went back to work, and it did happen at the beginning of this year. That first deployment, he was only in Iraq for 6 days before he got injured, so this recent one he really wanted to go back and fulfill his duties and be there for his Marines. I, as a wife, didn’t really understand, but knew this was something he not only wanted to do, but in his mind had to do. So I supported him and he went back in Feb. 2006. The funny thing is, is that he got sent home 2 months later because he got an eye infection after having laser eye surgery right before he left to go over there. He has joked saying “someone doesn’t want me over there”. So needless to say, he is not going to volunteer to go back anytime soon!
Thanks for your post. My husband was injured on July 28th, 2006 and we are still here at Walter Reed. It's good to know that there are others out there like me. We are about to move out of the Mologne house into a basement apartment of a soldier who works here. It's a new step and we are glad to be out of this hotel. My husband is recovering but will never be the same. Please e-mail me at any time with advice or to share your story.
My husband was injured July 21, 2006. I received a phone call but not from the person I thought I would. My mother-in-law called to tell me. In my husband drug induced state he gave his mother's phone number to a fellow soldier to call. About 4 hours later, I had 2 men show up at my door with no real news, just that he was alive and they didn't know the extent of his injuries.
All I can remember is my family and friends being there and how much that meant to me. There is no way to imagine how I would feel at that moment. My hats off to all military spouses!
I'm so glad to hear of how much support the people posting here have felt. I just wanted to add that if you are not getting what you need from the military or family and friends, please don't hesitate to reach out to one of the "support organizations." There are so many resources and so many people out who are standing by to help in any conceivable way. You'd probably be amazed at what's out there.
My husband was also injured in Iraq by an IED in Sept. 2004. My then-fiance's mother called me since the Army does not call fiances. :) They said that they didn't know if Aaron would survive and that he was in a coma. We waited for 4 days for him to return to the States from Landstuhl. Finally, flown to Walter Reed, Aaron woke up in ICU 2 days later and was sent to Ward 57. We were married 7 weeks later at the Memorial Chapel across from the Fisher House. Shortly afterward, he was discharged, but we lived in the area until Aug. 2006. Its amazing what prayer, friends and family can do in such a tragic and heartbreaking time. You look back and see all the wonderful things you can be thankful for and know that God was looking down on you the entire time. :) I thank God every day that He gave Aaron and I a second chance to share our lives together. And it's so awesome to be able to share with others who have had similar experiences!!!