We are remarkably close to my husband's return home for R&R, or mid-tour leave, or whatever it is called nowadays. We're all obviously a little excited, but I am overwhelmed by the level of wackiness coming out of my children. Really, I don't know how we'll get through two weeks of Dad without some sort of colossal collision of kid craziness X4 and one Dad who hasn't been around kids in a long time. Of course, it is possible that the conflict will actually be between the kids and me, since I have visions of a pleasant two week visit that is free of any friction and foolishness.
One part of me wants to believe that this is normal and expected, and the other part of me thinks that they should STOP RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Even though we're all different, and I can see that my kids are each responding in their own ways, I'd still love to hear your experiences, thoughts and tips. Anything to help me remember that it's all going to turn out OK – please share!
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Our 2 weeks of R&R consisted of a flight to CA and subsequent train ride up to San Luis Obispo. It was fun..we weren't in the house..and it was a change for the 3 of us. DH came into the equation as a visitor as DS didn't remember him at all..he left when DS was 14 mos and RR was around 20 mos. DS was afraid of DH even though we spoke on webcam and we have pictures of DH in the house. DH said he felt like a visitor. He let me do everything with the boy as 2 weeks was not enough reintegration for an 20 mos old. That's not to say he didn't help out but DS didn't know him and had that traditional stranger danger/anxiety.
This time around we're flying to Ireland. The 6 year old will definatly remember DH and the almost 3 year old will most likely remember him. I'm hoping things go smoothly for the 2 weeks but as of this point have no expectations. He'll be living a different life as will we and 2 weeks is again not enough time for reintegration. There will be no expectations for either him or my children to act as father and kids…if there's some sort of bonding fine we'll take it but we both know that feelings are not allowed to be hurt by any sort of rejection. We'll only be midway through the tour and we can deal with that stuff on the ass end of this deployment.
IMO I honestly think the 2 weeks can hurt more than help. But that's just my opinion.
Hello She of the Sea,
Although I can't speak on how the children will act, I wonder sometimes if the break is therapeutic or detrimental for some of the adults. I am currently going through my first deployment with DF, and he chose a break during late Spring 2010.
I am struggling to make it to that point myself! I can't even imagine what a child must go through, as I am nervous if I too may lose my little mind as time nears closer. :) I wish you and your family the best! I wish it were my DF's time to return home for R & R, but it's not our turn.
Be blessed.