The Dark Prince is deployed now. We’re about 5 weeks into his deployment and things are kind of calming down here. Kind of.
Even though I’m over the craptacular specialness of the first month of deployment, there’s another hurdle I must deal with: Christmas.
I am not the biggest fan of this holiday only because my children are older and don’t believe in Santa anymore. It tends to take some of the joy out ofit for me even though Santa is not really the reason for the season.
With the Dark Prince deployed, I find myself especially down this holiday season. I really don’t want to decorate. I really don’t want to go to Christmas parties. We got our Christmas tree last night and I still haven’t put any ornaments or lights on. Perhaps tonight. Or tomorrow. I don’t know.
I was in the grocery store today and all of a sudden, “I’ll be Home for Christmas” started playing. My daughter may never go out with me again until the holidays are over. I lost it. I didn’t even see that coming!!! Sheesh!!
I’m doing all the things I know I ought to. I just finished shipping almost 400 stuffed stockings to deployed Marines in Afghanistan. I try to focus outward and keep a positive attitude about things. I know this funk will pass but it is just a struggle right now. If I could get away with canceling Christmas this year, I would do it in a New York minute.
I can’t do that. The twins and Lancelot deserve to have a Christmas and more importantly, they deserve to have a happy one. So, in the very wise words of my friend, Homefront Six, I am going to fake it ’til I make it.
I know that I’m not the only person with loved ones deployed over the holidays. Are any of you feeling like this? What are you doing to get by this time of year? Have you had one of those “I lost it” moments? Tell me what you’re doing over the holidays.
Inquiring minds really do want to know.
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I CAN'T listen to I'll be Home for Christmas! This year I was in the church production (gave me something to do while GI Joe is gone) and in one scene one of the characters sings I'll Be Home for Christmas—not good!
I don't have kids yet, but one of the things I do w/ GI Joe and another military couple that we are best friends with is to do stockings. We each buy 2 little things to put in the other 3 stockings. It is fun, and you could adapt it to use w/ your kids. Even though they don't believe in Santa it doesn't mean that you can't do stockings anymore and for me knowing that I'll have a stocking full of surprises helps me to focus on some of the joy (you're right Santa isn't the reason for Christmas, but it is fun). GI Joe already bought his things for the stockings (and wrapped them, he is too durn organized sometimes) before he left. So the 3 of us are still doing it and he will open his stocking when he gets home.
For me this year it is about fakin' it when I don't feel like it, and doing as many Christmas things as possible (lots of churches have free concerts) to get into the spirit. I'm going up to DC on the 23rd with a friend for the Kennedy Center's free Messiah Sing Along! Things like that help me–but this year is harder than others–knowing GI Joe doesn't get to sit around a fire and be with us.
I'm right there with you. It took all my willpower to make it through that song in the store today.
We don't have children so I'm mostly putting Christmas off until R&R in Hawaii next month. I've already emailed a friend stationed there and she's loaning me a little tree and some decor for our hotel room! There is no tree in my house, no decor outside. Christmas is in January this year for me.
I'm getting up early Christmas morning and driving to my 18 month old goddaughter's house to watch her open gifts and having breakfast there with her wonderful family, but that's about it. Another military spouse and I are doing an 'un-Christmas' that evening and just relaxing with some wine and a movie or two since her husband deploys this week.
I'm new at this. Very new. As in this is only month 2 of military life for me. It's also the first time my fiance has ever been gone for Christmas. The hardest part for me is having a 20 month old at home. It's already hard for him to not have his daddy. But this is the first year he has any understanding of Christmas, and daddy isn't here. I know I should have expected it. But somehow that doesn't make it any easier. It's hard for me to get in the spirit. And it's harder for me to get motivated to put everything up and get it all together. But I know I still have to find a way for the sake of my little man.
My hubby is gone too this Christmas. Last time he was gone over Christmas (3 years ago), my mom was with us and that helped…plus the kids were younger. Now one is a teenager and one is pre-teen and if it weren't for them, I'd not decorate at all! I'm doing what most of you are doing, faking it and counting the days until he IS home!
It's our first Christmas, and he's been gone 9 weeks or so. I LOST it in the car when that song came on, I yelled at the radio to stop lying to me :) Which was super helfpul :) His parents are including me in everything, and even brought over a little tree we used when we held our "family Christmas" before he deployed. I turn it on and try to smile, and then I turn the lights back off because that feels more "right" somehow. A tree there, but dark, not as bright as it should be, not as peaceful as it might be. I struggle to make "new" traditions becuase I want them to be ours and he isn't here so mostly, I live life as best I can with a part of me on hold until "next" year. With any luck at home he'll beat Christmas home, by a week or two. Until then, I just don't listen to the radio and keep my ipod on in the stores because that song undoes me EVERY time I hear it. I even forbid my sisters to play it :)
I am feeling exactly this way. And I broke down when hearing "I'll be home for Christmas" on the radio the other day driving home from work.
This is my first deployment, my first Christmas married and my first Christmas without my husband. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel, but I feel just like you do.
Other than we are in week 7, and have no kids, I could have written your post. I keep being startled when I see presents or hear carols – isn't it too early for Christmas stuff? And then I think about the date.
And yes, "I'll be home", and all the sappy e-mails going around. Seriously, I know, quit sending me that stuff. My decorations came out of the storage … and are still sitting in their bags on the living room floor.
A radio station wants to interview a couple of us about having your loved one gone over Christmas … I am wondering how honest to be … If some of you don't mind, I might share some of your snippets as well.
Hugs to everyone.
Ah my heart goes out to you. I am going through my first deployment with my guy who left right after Thanksgiving. Its been about almost 3 weeks. The first time I went grocery shopping with my lil girl (grocery shopping is like a weekly date for me and my guy) I completely broke down in the frozen food section. After that I got it together till I got to the car and then broke down again. It seems like every day is a uphill battle for me anyways.
I’ve felt this way this year even though he’s home. Our oldest Daughter is not. She is away at school and since we just moved again we can’t afford to be together. At least she is near my folks. Still, it’s hard and I fight the losing it thing alot. I just tell myself that it’s just one year in many and this too shall pass.
My grandma also said fake it till you make it. Sometimes this really works. I try to keep so busy that it’s over before I know it and I don’t have time to cry. A prozac helps too! Sounds like you might need some with all the stress in your life and there’s no shame in asking for help. For years I thought I was the only one who lost it or wigged out as my older children call it. I am still blue at times, but nothing like I was before depression meds. It’s something to think about and it helps with the guilty feelings I had for putting my family thru it all. My life is pretty much the same, but easier to handle. Hope this helps.
We scheduled a trip over the holidays, and will be away enjoying something new and exciting. Christmas WILL happen, but when he gets home. Then, we'll take out the tree, bake the ham and do all that fun stuff! (helps that he comes home in Jan though finally YAY!)
Yep, I'm in a Christmas funk, too. I finally put my tree up last weekend, but I was pretty halfhearted about it. This was finally going to be the year I got to spend Christmas with DM… and then he got deployed. Of course. So I'm just trying to get through it and enjoy it as much as I can. I've done this for the past 3 years, anyway and I have realised that Christmas comes and goes without you – you may as well enjoy the ride because there aren't always a lot of reasons to celebrate in life.
I have 20 days left of this overseas, non-accompanied stationing left and both of us are depressed beyond belief and just wanting it over. Like you I am faking it until I make it…I pull my sorry butt out of bed every morning, force myself…yes…force myself to go to the gym and drag myself through the day. Holiday's are a drag when your SO is stuck overseas without you…and vice versa. I've decorated and I even hosted a party last week but I'm spent and just don't have the energy. I've been invited to New Year's events but it just doesn't feel right to go. I know it's almost over but getting through the holidays is hard when they're gone.
DF's been gone for almost 4.5 months now, so I'm sort of past the "angry" state. But I totally can understand where many of you are at, been there a time or two!
As far as Christmas, we've already sent one another our gifts, and enjoying watching the other one open them up (thanks be to Skype!). So, it's like we still shared our "time together". But I plan to do something extra special for that day.
To us ladies going through tough times this holiday season, hold on…it will pass. It's tough, with or without children. I suggest surrounding yourself w/ friends or family, and I actually encourage you to go to parties. However, if you need a moment to just cry by yourself (I still have these moments), by all means do so! Even if you have to skip away to your car or the bathroom, don't try and hold the tears away. Let them flow and you will feel better!
Stay encouraged!
Have you heard "Santa Bring My Soldier Home" by The Stunners? Have managed to hold it together so far but only because I hear it on the radio at work.
Hubby has been gone for 3 months and doesn't get R&R for another 4-5 months. :-( Fourth deployment but only the second that he hasn't been here for Christmas. I hate it! No kids to make doing the Christmas stuff for worthwhile. Will head home to be with our families but the 12hr drive alone is not fun. Putting up a tree and leaving it alone with 2 cats for 5 days did not seem smart. Right now supposed to be making Grandma's Rolled Christmas cookies….just can't get the motivation.
This is the second Christmas in a row that my DH is gone. Today is our wedding anniversary which he was gone for last year also. The day after Christmas is the first birthday of our 3rd son that he missed the birth of. Fake it till you make it. My 3 boys are a big enough handful when DH first leaves they don't need to see mom have a breakdown too. But I have been feeling bad for myself a bit as my ever growing chore list could tell you. So its time to get back in the saddle and catch up on things. I have some family coming for the holiday so that should help get me back in gear.