Deployment Sex Pacts: Widespread?

Last week, I came across an article about “deployment oral sex” written by a military life columnist in the Norfolk area. The writer began by pointing out that oral sex is now the leading cause of oral cancer, and she thought that military couples may reevaluate their “oral-sex-is-acceptable-during-separation agreements.” I had never heard of military oral-sex pacts, so I read further to find the writer consulted with a “handful” of service members and spouses who confirmed that they knew of “many” military couples who have this type of arrangement. An excerpt:

It’s always with a considerable amount of apprehension that I approach such highly-controversial topics as this, checking with a handful of military members in Norfolk before I proceed. My private advisors span the spectrum from E-3s to officers, male and female, active duty and retired, often including spouses.

Confidentially, they’ve shared with me open and honest opinions, describing their own personal experiences as they relate to such issues as engaging in deployment oral sex and not considering it cheating during periods of marital separation.  Or they’ve told me about the many military members and spouses they know personally here in Norfolk who do have this kind of private arrangement in their marriages while deployed.

As shocking as it may be, the fact is that many of our military friends, neighbors and coworkers maintain such an agreement with their partners.  They engage in oral sex activities with others while separated.  And they often freely share these experiences with their spouses during phone calls or in emails immediately after.


It’s none of my business what couples do or what arrangements they enter into, but my first thought was what civilians reading this piece must be thinking. It’s not as if certain stereotypes need to be reinforced in this area. Perhaps it’s just me, but the article left the impression that oral-sex-while-separated is widespread. If this assumption is based on accounts from a “handful” of people in the military community, then color me skeptical…

About Andi

Andi is married to an active-duty soldier and is the founder and former editor of SpouseBUZZ.

She is the founder of the Annual MilBlog Conference. The MilBlog Conference is the premiere event of the year for military bloggers. President George W. Bush, U.S. Representative Adam Smith, GEN David Petraeus, LTG Mike Oates, LTG William Caldwell, RADM Mark Fox, MG Kevin Bergner, MG David Hogg and The Honorable Pete Geren have addressed previous conferences.

While living in Washington, DC, Andi was the Ambassador to Walter Reed Army Medical Center for Sew Much Comfort, a non-profit organization which makes and delivers, free of charge, special adaptive clothing for wounded service members. Andi has worked with several non-profits to help our wounded heroes and their families. She finds that work to be the most rewarding and meaningful of all.

Andi strives to find humor in the good, bad and ugly of life and is a firm believer that laughter has the ability to cure most ills.


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