I’m a sucker for a good sales pitch. Really, any sales pitch. Salespeople can smell me coming from a mile away. That’s why Saturdays in the BX and the Commissary are always so difficult for me. All it takes is one free sample, and I suddenly feel I must buy three boxes of Ham, Egg & Cheese Breakfast Hot Pockets. It’s a compulsion, really. Or maybe it’s the law of reciprocity. They give me a bite-sized free sample; I subsequently buy their nasty microwave food. That seems reasonable.
Recently, my parents were here for a visit, and we were shopping around the BX on a Saturday afternoon. Suddenly, this overly-enthusiastic voice comes over the loud-speaker and says, “Ladies and Gentlemen, do you like free stuff? Then meet me in front of the fragrance aisle in five minutes for your FREE gift!” My mom and my hubby both rolled their eyes as if to say, “Oh, no. Here we go again.” You see, this very scenario happened four years prior, and we all went home with a box of $30 knives that have since rusted. But, I’ll have you know they are still sharp!
Since my dad and I are both suckers for “free” stuff, we made our way over to the fragrance department. There, we found the awkwardly enthusiastic man with his bowl of water, his tomato, his piece of mangled wood, and his set of never-seen-before-knives. Except we had seen them just a few years ago. Still, dad and I stood there like we’d never seen a knife before. When he asked us to come closer, we came closer. When he whispered to us about how few “free” gifts he had to give away, we leaned in to better hear him. We were eating out of his hand.
At one point he impressed us with the powerful capabilities of his incredibly inexpensive knives. He sawed through a piece of wood like it was a stick of butter. [Only a slight exaggeration.]
Meanwhile, my mom and my husband – who both refused to come closer when he asked them to do so – continued to roll their eyes in disbelief. They thought surely I wouldn’t fall for this same sales pitch AGAIN. Especially when I already had the same stupid knives. Especially when said knives are currently rusting in my kitchen drawer. Especially when this salesperson is horrible.
And they were wrong. I bought the $30 knives. Dad just got the free gift (a lens cleaning cloth). Tightwad.
My family laughed at me the whole way home at how easily I am swayed by a horribly predictable and uncomfortable sales pitch. Maybe I bought the knives because I felt sorry for the guy in his early twenties who had all the charm and wit of a bill collector. Maybe I wanted to get rid of the rusty knives currently in my drawer. Maybe I am just that easily swayed by salespeople. (Don’t even get me started on my track record with infomercials.)
But wait, there’s more!
A few weeks later, we were at dinner with another military couple when my husband couldn’t help but throw me under the bus about this whole knife business. He explained the entire excruciating story to them. The sales pitch, the “free” gift, the sawing of the wooden block…and then my friend’s husband said, “Wait, I know who you’re talking about. I saw that guy in the ER!” Apparently, this knife sales “professional” proceeded to slice his hand during a demonstration – oh, and let’s not forget to mention that the knife broke apart and hit his one of his spectators as well. No doubt he had just asked her to take a step closer.
I couldn’t stop laughing. And now I’m just picturing this poor guy with stitches in his hand trying to sell these knives to an already-skeptical audience. He probably had to change his sales pitch to say, “I would show you the part where this spectacular knife cuts through a block of wood as easily as a stick of butter, but I’m going to have to wait until I get my stitches removed.”
What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever purchased because you got caught up in the sales pitch? Any Magic Bullet owners out there? Any of you hanging on to an ab machine for the past 15 years that you’ve never touched?
Cross-posted on Katy’s personal blog: The Morgan Trail
About Katy Morgan
Comments
As I lingered in the stage of pregnancy where you look like a whale and feel older, fater and uglier by the minute I suddenly found myself the owner of a huge collection of over priced eye and face cream …
I get that it makes for a funny story…. but as a professional in the medical field, I just can't stop myself from saying that I can't BELIEVE your friend told you that this guy was in the ER. Does your friend work in the ER?? If so, that's a major HIPAA violation… and I hope I never have to see him in a professional capacity.
I'm a sucker for an infomercial, but I've ever only purchased one thing – the Chef Tony knives. They served us well for almost 10 years! I almost bought the mineral makeup, but ended up getting it at Sephora instead. I can credit the infomercial for making me think about it, though!!!
I agree! And I can do you one better. I recently had surgery for cancer. TWO WEEKS after my surgery I took my son to see the pediatrician. The PA student we saw first saw my fresh scar and asked if I'd had such-and-such a surgery on May 20th at such-and-such a hospital. My jaw dropped and she proudly announced that one of her classmates had participated in the surgery as part of a class. He gave her enough information that she was able to identify me two weeks later in a location completely across town at an appointment not related. She also left another patient's paperwork sitting on the desk. I now have so-and-so's SS#, address, full name, and employer. Yes, I did make a complaint.
The Girl Scouts have me wrapped around their little fingers. I *always* buy from them. I've even gotten the husband into the act.
Don't be making fun of my knives! Or my potato spiral cutter, either. :)