My Military Spouse Creed


Creed:  (n) a set or formal statements of beliefs

Most of what I am about to write is in reply to one comment relating to my post last weekend.  I am the military spouse that does indeed fuss to her husband, but only when necessary. He expects this from me…not in the “she hasn’t complained, so what is wrong with her” kind of way, but in the “I married her because I know where she stands” kind of way.

This is my military spouse creed:

I believe in the United States, its military, and the job my husband has committed a huge chunk of his life to supporting.  I believe that by marrying my husband, I have committed myself to supporting the United States Military and all the men and women who work within.

I believe we are a team; my husband understands that military life is not just difficult on his end but on my end, too.  I believe that while I may want to complain, there is a time and place for everything and sometimes I need to hold my tongue.  Other times I am free to speak my mind about what I am feeling and not to worry about him having an important job to do because dammit, I have an important job to do as well and that is to support his ass.  I do this freely and with love.

I believe that while “military spouse” might be part of my definition, it does not define me.  I have layers, like onions and ogres.  All can be disagreeable at times, but all are needed.  I believe that anything I do with a spouse group or base organization is solely for my benefit and not his.  Baking cupcakes for the squadron will not get him promoted.  There is pretty much nothing I can do externally to aid his career, but there are quite a few things I can do that may cause it to derail.   

I believe that when my husband is deployed, I should keep my trap shut about things that aren’t important, and let him have his say about how things should be handled at home so he feels a part of the team.  I also believe that when my husband is deployed, I should run things my own damn way, but agree with him because it makes him feel better and does no harm.

I believe that while we are civilians, spouses should get into Disney free as well.  And any other theme park.  Since we plan the trip and make it happen.  And often alone.  

I believe that actions and words produce respect, not just rank.  This also applies to spouses.  If your spouse is ranked higher than ours, we are not your secretary or personal assistant.  

I believe in the truth being told and not sugar coating how topsy-turvy it is to be a military spouse or the emotions felt during a PCS, but I also believe we get over it and move on.   I understand at times this requires me to put on my big girl panties and deal.  

I believe in other military spouses and the strength that they hold within, whether they know it or not.  I believe in asking for advice when and where I can to help not only me, but others along this journey.  I believe in my military family, and how they carry me through my most difficult moments.

I believe being married to an active duty military member not only has made me stronger, but has brought out strengths I did not know I possessed.  I believe in having my own toolkit which no one is allowed to touch but me so that I may always find the hammer, drill, and wrench in times of need.

I believe in this crazy, turbulent, and emotional military life.  I believe in myself, in trusting my instincts, and in knowing when to speak out about how much my life sucks at time, but also in telling others about my absolutely wonderful, magical, and nomadic life.

What do you believe should be included in this creed?

About the Author

Married to her high school sweetheart/AD Air Force man, Heidi was initially reluctant to life as a dependent, finally drank the Kool-Aid, and has since embraced being an active Air Force spouse. With a background in sports medicine, she has no real reason to write other than she enjoys it and likes to get others thinking. Heidi enjoys at-will employment as a substitute teacher, serving as an Arlington Lady, mothering two boys, rehabbing their short sale home purchase, recovering from a case of volunteeritis, correcting her verb tense, and learning more acronyms.

15 Comments on "My Military Spouse Creed"

  1. I like you add in about the tool kit. I thought buying tools with girly flower patterns on them would keep him from using them but no, he's too secure in his manhood to leave them alone. I am currently on my third girly hammer, the first two have disappeared and I believe are somewhere on the other side of the country. I'll have to start hiding them somewhere he never looks, like with the vacuum cleaner or the dusting spray.

  2. I was going to stay with my secret chocolate stash but he's already found that.

  3. say, not stay, there's no editing button on here.

  4. Lol Mary, sounds sooo familiar with the tools…I bought myself some power tools when I was left to fix a bunch of stuff during/after one of our moves. He and his dad laughed about it because they would have bought a different brand, yet they ended up using mine all the time – until they lost it…

  5. I'm printing this off and hanging it up in my office.

  6. I like you! You sound like when heck of a wife! I commend all of you…being a military spouse is not easy. I did it for a few years but have been in one location for 12 years now (hubby is now a civilian and Reservist).

  7. I absolutely love this! Just enough attitude!

  8. Heidi, all I can say is:

    "Amen, Sista! Big Girl Panties and all!!!"

    Love this post!

  9. Honestly, my favorite post thus far. Thank you. =] <3

  10. the ONLY difference I would make is to make it gender free. I have an army Husband that has to do everything like the wives and honestly has been treated like crap because he did not have the BALLS as we were once told to join himself. Bless him, he just nodded and thanked the person for their personal opinion. Me I was kind of pissed since he and I did not get together until after I was in the service. SOOOO love the post.

  11. I don't believe that spouses deserve to get into theme parks free. Everything else I agree with, but not that. Reason why is because there are too many who would abuse the privilege. And even then, yes, our military gets in free. But do firefighters? Police officers? EMT? No. And they do just as valuable of a service. They protect those here at home from domestic events.

  12. I loved that, it made me smile to read that and I hope you don't mind I printed that to post on my wall as a newly married Military wife I am new to all this and haven't the slightest idea where to go from here but reading this made me feel better stronger and more sure about myself! Thank you!! -Aimee Chase

  13. Honey i think every military spouse feels that way at one point or another. my husband has been in for 21yrs. he has missed more birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, family trips, you name- than i can count! but you learn to roll with it. with that being said nothing can prepare you for everything, even time! i had a friend at one base that nothing ever seemed to get to her, even though her hubby was gone all the time, they never seemed to have enough money, & many other personal issues. one day she didnt answer her phone, i went to her house & she didnt answer her door. i started to just leave but realized her car was there. i checked the door and it was unlocked. i went inside and found her sitting in her kitchen crying like a 2 yr old, i dont remember what set her off (doesnt really matter) but it didnt matter.

  14. Honest Army Wife | August 30, 2011 at 5:46 pm |

    I am by no means a "rah, rah, go army" military wife. Most days, well all days, I hate it. This is not a healthy life style for anyone. It is not healthy or normal to go for months, years, without seeing your family. It is not okay that they have complete control over your entire life. I didn't sign up for the army, but yet they have control over me too. I cannot decide when i want to have a child, because i refuse to be a "single" mom while my husband deploys. we cant even make dinner reservations without the army interferring. We cant make plans for Christmas without the army saying no, it has to be these days. I am counting down the days until my husband retires … 4 years, 361 days! It cant come soon enough.

  15. honest army wife | August 30, 2011 at 5:47 pm |

    These people that act like this is normal, and they you get used to it … i will never say this is normal, and i will never get used to the fact that my husband is off to fight some war that most of the people that are in the army and i would say most of the wives on here, dont even know why we are fighting it. They were 8 when 9/11 happened! Needless to say, they dont need me down at that recruiting center talking to the spouses. I would tell them to run as fast as they can the other way. The benefits are not worth any of this. I have no control over any part of my life right now. What ticks me off more than anything is the fact I go to these FRG meetings and briefings and hear the garbage about how they are "pro family", etc. They care nothing about the family. they care nothing about the soldier spending time with their family. I wish they still had the attitude they had when my dad joined the airforce back in the late 60s … "if we wanted you to have a family, we would issue you one". But they dont. They pretend to care now days, and in all honesty they dont care one bit about the spouse.

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