Top Ten Homecoming Don’ts

Top Ten

We all know our own, personal list of “to-do’s” for a military homecoming (take day off work, get hair done, create vacuum tracks, find cutie clothes for kids,  lose 20 pounds, ditch three gallon tub of Rocky Road from freezer, dodge calls from MIL).

But do we know our list of Homecoming Don’ts?  Here are some suggestions:

  1. Don’t assume you know what Homecoming elements your service member has been dreaming of.  Ask so no one will be, well, surprised.
  2. Don’t think of Homecoming as a deadline.  Think of Homecoming like a due date – you never really know what day it will get here.
  3. Don’t wear “club clothes.”  It’s 10 a.m.
  4. Don’t bring your fur baby — even if Mr. Wubbles fits in your handbag..
  5. Don’t make Homecoming an extended family reunion — in-laws may attend only if they take the kids and/or leave by nightfall.
  6. Don’t go for a Brazilian wax the day before (allow 3- 5 days).
  7. Don’t trample your own offspring. Let the kids go first!
  8. Don’t write an X-rated banner for the front gate.  Keep it for the bedroom mirror.
  9. Don’t get so excited that you get hit by the bus (It happens).
  10. Don’t fly into the arms of a stranger.  Bring your glasses and make sure this guy really belongs to you.

At SpouseBuzz LIVE in Twentynine Palms, CA, military spouses use crowd wisdom to put together their Top Ten Lists.  This dynamic group included Kathleen Tomich, Luz Maria Orozco, Carrie Johnson, Alexandria VanSteeter, Val Clover, Amy Slaftery, Janet Arana, and Chrissy Wilmott.

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40 Comments on "Top Ten Homecoming Don’ts"

  1. Number 10 made me laugh. I never even though of that lol

    • I double checked because they all look the same in their dress blues and their dixie cup hats so until I heard him shout my name I refrained from beelining!

    • Funny, it is and is not… I've done it. Quite embarrassing as well as hilarious. lol_

  2. Hilarious and insightful! (Love the part about making vacuum tracks in the carpet!)

  3. Lori Volkman | April 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm |

    Awesome! This was my group at 29 Palms … hope you ladies are doing great! Still laughing as I read this. I had a great time with you. ~ Lori

  4. gallwaygirl | April 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm |

    HA! Very funny, but good advice. I remember tearing through the crowd on Family Day for BCT. I had my sights set on my soldier and nothing was going to slow me down! LOL

    • SemperSteen | April 22, 2012 at 2:05 pm |

      Ditto. I was practically throwing chairs out of my way.

    • I remember when my husband graduated bootcamp, I was literally shoving elderly people (totally not proud of this what-so-ever!!!!) out of the way to get to him!!

  5. SemperSteen | April 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm |

    "Don’t get so excited that you get hit by the bus (It happens)."

    Details, please. That sounds like a story worth hearing.

  6. eh… whats wrong with bringing fur babies? Cuter and more calming than human babies anyways.

    • Nicole Foster | April 24, 2012 at 10:44 am |

      Cuter and calmer is a personal opinion :) but I would think for allergy/fear sake maybe. All three of my children are petrified of dogs. Think Spiderman climbing a building and that will give you an accurate mental picture of my kids. Even with my friends’ chihuahua. Lol. I’m laughing trying to picture myself walking with three kids attached to try and get to my husband. Haha.

    • Nicole Foster | April 24, 2012 at 10:45 am |

      Where’s the one about showing up in just a trench coat? I’ve seen it done!

    • I agree 100%! :)

    • Yep fur babies are awesome and more calming then human babies but that's why it's better if they are not there because some parents don't control there misbehaving children. There is no need to put a poor pet near those type of people. It's for there own safety.

  7. oh wow you all are too funny I am a new Army wife and really didnt know what to expect…….so are these the things to expect?? heheheh enlighten me!!!!!! I am sitting at the computer bustin a gut all by myself I look crazy right now!!!!!!!!!

    • VMunshower | April 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm |

      Lol, I am new at this to and am now wondering if it will be appropriate to take my toddler son with me lol. Xrated posters, trenchcoats, haha

  8. Number 3 is so dead on…..

  9. I was a brand new Army wife when my husband deployed the third time. Because he was part of the Torch party, he was coming home sooner than the rest of his unit. Once he landed in the U.S., he called me when they made pit stops. He had told me the ceremony would probably be about 2am, so about 11pm, I showered. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get ready – planning what to wear, how I would up 'do my hair, etc when the phone rang shortly after I got out of the shower about 11:15pm or so. It was him and he said, "We're here. The ceremony's going to start in about 30 minutes" I hung up the phone; I am naked and dripping wet. The hell with primp and up do's. Get dressed and go. We lived about 15 minutes from post so I had to factor in drive time. I'm thinking, it's almost midnight. How many cars can be on the road? As it turned out, only one. A cop. Who followed me almost the entire way to post. I like to think that had he pulled me over for speeding, he would have given me a lights flashing, siren blaring escort but instead he kept me honest. I bring all this up because I learned that night it really doesn't matter what you wear. You can look just as good in jeans and a t-shirt with messy, damp hair as you can in a fancy dress. And the truth is, he doesn't care. He's just happy to see *you*

  10. That's funny…lol

  11. Oh wow… I giggled out loud at the “do” list. I thought I was the only one! So glad to know I’m not.

  12. Number 10……I always have my Soldier find ME. After 15 years of marriage and 8 homecomings, I still swear that they all look the same in formation.

    • If it wasn't for my hubby's prominent "Roman Catholic" nose, I'd never be able to tell the difference… lol

  13. For Navy spouses with loved ones on a ship: bring lawn chairs, snacks, and Wet Ones wipes to the pier. There are usually only porta potties and no sinks. Bring a jacket or blanket too; ships usually pull in early and it gets cold.

  14. Yeah my first home coming told my husband which side of the stands we would be in, and to come to us. His two pals made it but he forgot which side. An I am so short I couldn't find him in the throng. Friends helped find him an I started yellin his name. Another factor in the confusion was that last time i talked to him gave him mixed message. Our son was sick 4 days before he came home an told him if he was sick wouldn't be there. Than said no we will be their no matter what. Had white out conditions waiting for plane to allow soldiers to disembark stayed outside as long as we could. He didn't see me out there so he thought we didn't go.

  15. SnuggleBear | April 24, 2012 at 11:16 pm |

    This was a bit gender biased, so sad. As a veteran and now partner of an active duty member, I will not be getting my hair done (shaved head) or getting a Brazilian wax (Bear). Men are also waiting for their loved ones to come home. It saddens me that sites like this only think that woman are anticipating their heros return.

    BTW, men make better military spouses. It is not that bad ladies. I've been on both sides of a deployment. Lets all put on our big girl panties, get out of our pajamas, and be grateful for our heros. Show them you aren't so "Dependent"

    • Really do not see the relevance in your statement that men make better military spouses, not applicable. I do agree that there is gender biases. Military spouses regardless of gender all have the same experiences.

    • Dude, you can’t complain about gender biases and then make such an overwhelmingly biased statement. At least, you can’t do it and have people take you seriously..

    • I think YOU are a sad story. Embarrassing?

    • SnuggleBear, “let’s put on our big girl panties and get out of our pajamas”. Really? Since our husbands have deployed, I’ve watched my fellow army wives juggle full time jobs, raising children, and even coordinate fundraisers for families of injured soldiers. All the while, fully dressed and fully rpoud of their deployed hero. Please don’t insult us with your bias.

      • SnuggleBear you are too funny! You say we should all get out of "our" pjs and put on "our big girl panties." Now I know what you are wearing, but obviously you know nothing about your female counterparts.
        I'm trying to picture a "SnuggleBear" (which makes me think big and burly) in his girl panties. Bwa ha ha thanks for the laugh SnuggleBear, it takes all kinds!
        By the way, how old are your children whom you are raising alone during deployments, while working full time, supporting your partner's work unit, mowing the lawn, etc? I'm guessing they aren't in diapers anymore. Who cared for your kids when you and your partner were deployed? Please don't judge others before walking a mile in their shoes.
        And if you think this list is gender biased (whine, who really needs his big girl panties now?) why don't you just write your own and post it here. Perhaps its just easier to criticize others?

  16. I agree..…It doesn’t matter male/female, we are just GLAD to be home to our loved ones! My husband is a military spouse. He has to put up with me being gone at a moment’s notice for who knows how long. He is left with the house, kids, bills, and a list of ‘honey do’s’ a mile long. He sends me care packages and letters while I am out. Yet he is always there to greet me no matter where I land. He doesn’t complain about the wait or about ‘Semper Gumby. He just loves me with his whole heart, and puts up with so much from me, as well as the Navy. Navy husbands are a special gift. I am thankful I have one!

  17. Don't ever reveal you were having an affair with other service members while they (spouse) was deployed.

    • ^im guessing by ur name u made that mistake? its funny how ppl pass judgement but failed to mention cheaters (whether the svcmbr or spouse) r the biggest disgrace to us spouses waiting faithfully at home

    • All I am going to say is that the truth comes out eventually and it HURTS!!! A “mistake” of this aptitude cuts to the bone REGARDLESS of which party does it. All you can do is PRAY that your marriage is strong enough to mI’ve through such times and the military DOES offer free marriage counseling to help with this in the marriage. I’m sorry for this happening to your marriage and pray everything works out for your family.

  18. I'd want my husband to wax..or at least shave for my homecoming. haha

  19. Men make better military spouses? SMH.

  20. Dont bring all the family only in laws and they most be gone by night fall …LMFAO HAHAHAHAHA to funny

  21. Rule 9 is for real!
    I'm a charter bus bus driver (and 'Nam vet) that does a lot of homecomings and I've actually had over-eager spouses/S.O.s run alongside the bus and try to grab the door while I'm pulling up to the curb or boarding area. Please don't do that; it's too easy to trip over the curb and fall in front or worse yet, between the coach and the curb. Please wait until I bring the bus to a full stop and open the door. BTW, nothing warms my heart than watching the returnees jumping off the bus and running to their loved ones. If my eyes seem a bit moist, well, that's just because they always overdo the onions on that Bic Mac I had for lunch. Thank you all for your service, Merry Christmas, and WELCOME HOME! Frank in NV

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